FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > What if you enjoy sex more with someone other than your partner
What if you enjoy sex more with someone other than your partner
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Hi, this is our first post so go easy on us!
The wife and I are talking about potentially meeting other couples, one in particular we're chatting with and exchanging pictures with.
She is unsure so we're not ready to meet yet, but she's definitely warming to the idea of meeting this couple.
But last night when talking about concerns, she asked what would happen if either of us enjoyed sex with someone else than your partner.
It's not something I've thought about, so didn't have the answer to reassure her. I'm certain it wouldn't happen, but what if it did?
Anyone on here ever experienced something similar, and if so what did you do to overcome it?
Our idea is the whole experience is something we're sharing together at the same time, so if she enjoys it so do I and the other way around.
But if anyone does have any tips on how to prevent that or deal with it, it would be hugely appreciated xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take it you mean more than your with your partner.... ?
For me thisb has never happened on my side yet for a considerable time it was a concern for me... Which stemmed from things from my past and Mr being a cheeky joker who would wind me up at times. As simply he couldnt see how I could worry so was just joking.
However we talk and talk some more and while on occasion someone may do one aspect of sex better than me.. because of our connection and the way we are together ... We couldn't enjoy it more.
I however couldnt meet alone as I can't enjoy it now without the added aspect of Mr watching as that has become a very big part if my enjoyment. So if I enjoy someone a lot it would be because I was enjoying watching Mr while he watches me too.
hope that makes sense |
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By *urvyemmaWoman
over a year ago
wigan/bolton |
It's good that you are talking about this openly.
My experience is that I have had sex with people who have felt better inside me or whose bodies have made me drool BUT I never want then emotionally like I want my man. These people don't know me and I don't know them. It's perhaps reassuring that if you are meeting in clubs or one off meets then you get no opportunity to bond or build any emotion so it's fine! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would just remember that sex is not the same as the love and obvious respect you have for each other.
Clearly as you have realised there is more discussion needed between you guys. I would say you have no fears because you are clearly very close. Nothing will take that away! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex with other people is always going to be different and yes on some levels it might also be better. If you are confident in your relationship and in your sex life I don't see how that is a bad thing? Let's be honest are you swapping so that you can have mediocre sex? No of course not... |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I think its a common anxiety when starting out, but we soon realised that all the emotions and love and the bond that we have as husband and wife will always make sex with your spouse/partner the best. You have got to know each other's likes and dislikes, how to turn each other on, and someone else wont be able to do that on a first or second meet.
With swinging you are choosing to be sexually non-monogamous, but you are still emotionally monogamous to each other and I think that adds to great sex.
Its natural to be nervous, but afterwards, if you are anything like us, you will realise you had nothing to worry about  |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
If all you and your partner have is sex your relationship may not last.
Sex is the cherry on the top of a relationship and should not be all there is to one.
It is highly likely she may find certain things about the men she meets she like more than that same point with you, but you are the one she is with and that is probably because she likes you as a whole rather than just the way you have sex or the shape of your nose etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi, this is our first post so go easy on us!
The wife and I are talking about potentially meeting other couples, one in particular we're chatting with and exchanging pictures with.
She is unsure so we're not ready to meet yet, but she's definitely warming to the idea of meeting this couple.
But last night when talking about concerns, she asked what would happen if either of us enjoyed sex with someone else than your partner.
It's not something I've thought about, so didn't have the answer to reassure her. I'm certain it wouldn't happen, but what if it did?
Anyone on here ever experienced something similar, and if so what did you do to overcome it?
Our idea is the whole experience is something we're sharing together at the same time, so if she enjoys it so do I and the other way around.
But if anyone does have any tips on how to prevent that or deal with it, it would be hugely appreciated xx"
You want tips on making the sex worse?
Isn't the whole point to have great sex?
For us that's the whole point of it, to enjoy great sex with other people. What we have between us is something a whole world more than sex, we have a fantastic sex life, we're both great at pleasing each other. What you get with a new partner is that new feeling, a whole new person to pleasure and be pleasured by. The perfection of a meet where the reality of picking up underpants, arguing, farting, moods, and all the other aspects of real relationships kick in. So in actual fact there is something wrong if the sex *isn't* fantastic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well done for talking. Swinging without it is always going to lead to problems.
You may well have a mind blowing sexual experience with someone you swing with.
Remember the first few times you have sex with a new partner? They are often the hottest but they don't compare to the love you make when you're in love.
Sex with my wife is so fabulous because of the connection we have and we know what to do, how to move, to make the other feel great.
Some of our lovers have done things that felt amazing. Techniques that we then try to learn. A big part of why the sex with a stranger feels so good is because it's new and exciting.
It can never replace how my wife and I make each other feel though.
Keep taking. Xxx |
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Thanks everyone for the replies, you've definitely articulated far better what was in my head, but couldn't quite explain. I'll definitely be able to talk through that concern now.
We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try. Thanks again everyone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it makes the op feel better I have never yet had a sexual encounter that hasn't had me needing Mr to satisfy me after. And we meet others a lot. I rarely even orgasm on meets..
for me the pleasure comes from the shared experience not the physical and I've yet to have anything that even comes close to what we share. |
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By *urvyemmaWoman
over a year ago
wigan/bolton |
"If it makes the op feel better I have never yet had a sexual encounter that hasn't had me needing Mr to satisfy me after. And we meet others a lot. I rarely even orgasm on meets..
for me the pleasure comes from the shared experience not the physical and I've yet to have anything that even comes close to what we share. "
Yep this me too! I rarely orgasm with others..need my man to finish off with. .In fact when we meet together I am looking in his eyes, enjoying someone else fucking me but anticipating getting him in private ASAP cos I am so horny! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for the replies, you've definitely articulated far better what was in my head, but couldn't quite explain. I'll definitely be able to talk through that concern now.
We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try. Thanks again everyone "
I told my wife I'd prefer it if she enjoyed another guy more, I wanted her to feel completely and totally at ease and not looking at me for confirmation all the time. As a result she's really been able to let her hair down in meets and totally enjoyed the sex, and that's exactly how I want it, I get my pleasure from her pleasure, which I think is a common trait among Swingdom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try."
You'll be fine with that attitude |
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I definitely want her to enjoy it, that's for sure. Otherwise it'd be pointless. It just wasn't a question I had thought about before, but as several people have said, it is a shared experience and the emotional connection is what is special between us and what will be absent with someone else. I'm sure she'd have experiences with others which sexually will be better, but the whole idea we're talking about is mutual experiences so any pleasure would be totally shared.
We'll keep talking openly with each other and see where it leads.
Once again, your input has been really helpful and this is definitely a great resource for us and no doubt will be back with more |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Thanks everyone for the replies, you've definitely articulated far better what was in my head, but couldn't quite explain. I'll definitely be able to talk through that concern now.
We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try. Thanks again everyone
I told my wife I'd prefer it if she enjoyed another guy more, I wanted her to feel completely and totally at ease and not looking at me for confirmation all the time. As a result she's really been able to let her hair down in meets and totally enjoyed the sex, and that's exactly how I want it, I get my pleasure from her pleasure, which I think is a common trait among Swingdom."
Similar to us, we both want the other to be enjoying themselves so we can concentrate on our play partners, thats why we enjoy separate room fun as well as same room |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for the replies, you've definitely articulated far better what was in my head, but couldn't quite explain. I'll definitely be able to talk through that concern now.
We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try. Thanks again everyone
I told my wife I'd prefer it if she enjoyed another guy more, I wanted her to feel completely and totally at ease and not looking at me for confirmation all the time. As a result she's really been able to let her hair down in meets and totally enjoyed the sex, and that's exactly how I want it, I get my pleasure from her pleasure, which I think is a common trait among Swingdom."
mr has told me the same but I just can't let go with a meet and like it best when we are all together and I can still make eye contact and touch. I have got more relaxed recently but I couldn't let go completely. But it's interesting that you enjoy it more. I think I'm still very much in need of the visual stimulation of watching him with the lady. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for the replies, you've definitely articulated far better what was in my head, but couldn't quite explain. I'll definitely be able to talk through that concern now.
We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try. Thanks again everyone "
Ok ... here's the thing - talk all you like but I'll wager you'll talk yourselves out of finding out !
You are obviously deeply in love with each other , and the subject of swinging has come up . Not because you're bored with each other , but because it turns you on . So until you try you won't know .
A million and one questions may come into your mind but the reality of actually doing it is the only way you'll know . If you truly love each each other as much as you think you do , nothing will take that away or affect your feelings towards each other .
So just do it and you'll find so many questions will be answered . We've been doing this for 4 years and experienced everything imaginable . And no one comes close to satisfying us sexually and emotionally than we do for each other |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I'm surprised no one has suggested doing 'soft swing'. Where you don't have sex with the other partner but lots of foreplay.
Some people are happier doing that at first to see how it feels. I'd also recommend keeping it to same room as well. I didn't enjoy separate room play as I felt insecure.
I wasn't married to the guy I was in a couple with but still had some of the insecure feelings that you talk about. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
Different doesn't mean better. It just means different. I don't think it could ever be better since it lacks the emotionality I get when I'm with my BF. We're a bit unusual in that we regularly meet others alone as well as together and we've both had cracking sex with other people, even regularly in some cases but we are utterly clear where our hearts lie. Communication and honesty about feelings is absolutely key; if I ever have a little jealousy wobble (it hasn't happened that often but when I'm hormonal it has been known to cross my mind) I tell him straight away without worrying he'll think I'm crazy or vice versa. We've developed our own rules of engagement as it were and it works for us. They are also open to change following discussion. One that hasn't is our post meet highlights ritual where we pick three highlights to tell each other about from a meet. We do this after solo meets as well as in the car driving back from a couples one. |
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By *ouble CCouple
over a year ago
Gran Canaria |
"It's good that you are talking about this openly.
My experience is that I have had sex with people who have felt better inside me or whose bodies have made me drool BUT I never want then emotionally like I want my man. These people don't know me and I don't know them. It's perhaps reassuring that if you are meeting in clubs or one off meets then you get no opportunity to bond or build any emotion so it's fine! "
This! Mr C is my soul mate. He meets ALL of my needs. Someone who makes me cum doesn't. Miss C. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've had many conversations around this subject but never been an issue as we enjoy sex with others by still involving each other it's not about swapping for us it's about doing things we can't physically achieve as a couple, of course S Is going to enjoy sex with another lady if while he is fucking her I'm licking his balls lol and of course I love being spit roasted etc being licked while being fucked, frankly just straight swapping is boring for us.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I can't reply directly but we have been in this situation with someone we were seeing. RG over time discovered that she preferred the intercourse with her other man.
From my point of view it was a knock to my ego to be told this but over time discovered it turned me on. Watching them was a massive spark to our sex life as they made love rather than just fucked, the passion and intensity was electrifying to watch.
Unfortunately we don't see him any more and finding someone who offers that level of passion is a hard task.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I can't reply directly but we have been in this situation with someone we were seeing. RG over time discovered that she preferred the intercourse with her other man.
From my point of view it was a knock to my ego to be told this but over time discovered it turned me on. Watching them was a massive spark to our sex life as they made love rather than just fucked, the passion and intensity was electrifying to watch.
Unfortunately we don't see him any more and finding someone who offers that level of passion is a hard task.
"
We call it the 'bubble'. During sex it's a case of give everything of ourselves to our partner. Mind body and soul. Sex is so much better for it. Once it is over we come out of the bubble and back to normal with a whole new memory of fantastic lovemaking. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are in love and totally secure I presume as you are doing this so the best sex you will have is with your partner. However you may learn new things and experience different things that you never thought would happen. They may be better than the experience with your partner but believe me the sex you have together will be out of this world. Go to a club and get it on together and see what I mean! |
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Your partner is the one you know who you know will be there when the sex is done, certainly you can love sex with someone else but if there was a crisis its your partner you would need.
If you aint a bit nervous you might not be ready. Luck. |
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In the 4 years that I/we have been swinging it hasn't happened to me yet. And anyone I have ever mentioned this to have said the same.
Swing sex I find, is very different to the sex I have with my husband, the emotional connection makes a hell of a difference.
But should it ever happen I would not meet that man again (I don't often have repeat meets anyway) and take a break from the lifestyle and talk it over with my old man. Not much else you can do really. |
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"In the 4 years that I/we have been swinging it hasn't happened to me yet. And anyone I have ever mentioned this to have said the same.
Swing sex I find, is very different to the sex I have with my husband, the emotional connection makes a hell of a difference.
But should it ever happen I would not meet that man again (I don't often have repeat meets anyway) and take a break from the lifestyle and talk it over with my old man. Not much else you can do really."
Really appreciate you taking the time to share your experience with us. With all the great responses above I was able to explain it much easier earlier, but I'll be sharing your example and advice with her later too |
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"I think its a common anxiety when starting out, but we soon realised that all the emotions and love and the bond that we have as husband and wife will always make sex with your spouse/partner the best. You have got to know each other's likes and dislikes, how to turn each other on, and someone else wont be able to do that on a first or second meet.
With swinging you are choosing to be sexually non-monogamous, but you are still emotionally monogamous to each other and I think that adds to great sex.
Its natural to be nervous, but afterwards, if you are anything like us, you will realise you had nothing to worry about "
Great post. Wise words |
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"Thanks everyone for the replies, you've definitely articulated far better what was in my head, but couldn't quite explain. I'll definitely be able to talk through that concern now.
We're constantly talking about our concerns and definitely won't be doing anything until we're both 100% comfortable with what we're about to try. Thanks again everyone
I told my wife I'd prefer it if she enjoyed another guy more, I wanted her to feel completely and totally at ease and not looking at me for confirmation all the time. As a result she's really been able to let her hair down in meets and totally enjoyed the sex, and that's exactly how I want it, I get my pleasure from her pleasure, which I think is a common trait among Swingdom."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I would ever find anyone that was better than my partner and I would walk away if my partner ever found anyone he felt was better than me.
I understand the being different but I can't see how they could be better and I would have to walk x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i wouldnt want to share my partner with anyone and dont understand when people do
So what are you on a swingers site for 
im on here as a single woman"
So... basically... what you're saying is that you don't understand your partner... seeing as he's willing to share you with anyone.
Just sit down and ask him why he's willing to share you and hopefully he'll give you the insight you're looking for  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I would ever find anyone that was better than my partner and I would walk away if my partner ever found anyone he felt was better than me.
I understand the being different but I can't see how they could be better and I would have to walk x "
I think it's unrealistic to expect your partner to be "the best" in your life at everything. I don't put that kind of expectation on my partners and I'd run a mile if they put those expectations on me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I would ever find anyone that was better than my partner and I would walk away if my partner ever found anyone he felt was better than me.
I understand the being different but I can't see how they could be better and I would have to walk x
I think it's unrealistic to expect your partner to be "the best" in your life at everything. I don't put that kind of expectation on my partners and I'd run a mile if they put those expectations on me."
And sorry but I can't see how anyone can be better than your partner... But then I wouldn't have more than one partner I was emotionally invested in x and I find that its the emotional connection that makes it the best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I would ever find anyone that was better than my partner and I would walk away if my partner ever found anyone he felt was better than me.
I understand the being different but I can't see how they could be better and I would have to walk x
I think it's unrealistic to expect your partner to be "the best" in your life at everything. I don't put that kind of expectation on my partners and I'd run a mile if they put those expectations on me.
And sorry but I can't see how anyone can be better than your partner... But then I wouldn't have more than one partner I was emotionally invested in x and I find that its the emotional connection that makes it the best."
I... Don't really care about emotional connections. I don't find emotions make sex better either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We swing to enjoy other experiences. Everyone has something unique to offer. We may get fucked so good that they blow our minds, but when we get home and have reconnection sex and make love, no one does it better |
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We thought about this before we stared full swapping.
I've enjoyed most of the meets we've ever had and really enjoyed the sex. Some guys can seemingly make me cum just by the suggestion alone, others have to have worked hard for it, some haven't made me cum but, like I said, I've enjoyed most of them. It doesn't matter how good the other guy is, size, ability, making me cum etc, he isn't my hubby. My hubby hits the part others simply cannot reach, my soul. Sex with my hubby is always the most satisfying, whether I cum or not.
We swing because we like the sex, but it isn't the most important thing we do together or apart. Our love is stronger now as we are more open, we share all our thoughts like we never did before. And, we laugh longer and harder than we ever did before too. We've had a blast but would leave it all behind if we ever though that swinging was the most important thing about us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That,s why you meet other people your sex life is going a bit stale you want to put a bit of sparkle back into it does not mean you do not love your partner ant less its good fun and helps a lot"
I'd Feel Sorry for any couple that were doing this because their own sex life was stale... We certainly don't do it for that reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well IF THE EARTH MOVED EVERY TIME YOU TWO HAD SEX WHY HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS"
Because some of us just aren't interested in having sex with only one person. |
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Communication is the the key,but a lot of just talking will not solve the issue .. What keeps a us together is just one thing and that is trust in each other ..,we have been swinging since about 5 years and never have encountered a problem !!! The mantra .. don't have to many rules & do and don't ,it very difficult to keep a tab in it ... Trust us on this one ..saw many coupes just crumbling on the dos and don't issue .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That,s why you meet other people your sex life is going a bit stale you want to put a bit of sparkle back into it does not mean you do not love your partner ant less its good fun and helps a lot
I'd Feel Sorry for any couple that were doing this because their own sex life was stale... We certainly don't do it for that reason. "
Nor do we , but when we went to clubs and house parties on our last profile , we met quite a few couples that did it for this reason .
And that's why we stopped going .......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well IF THE EARTH MOVED EVERY TIME YOU TWO HAD SEX WHY HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS"
Because you can't do 3sums or moresums very easily with just two. Sex is always the best with my partner . No other satisfies me but that isn't why I have others. It's because of the variety |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well IF THE EARTH MOVED EVERY TIME YOU TWO HAD SEX WHY HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS
Because you can't do 3sums or moresums very easily with just two. Sex is always the best with my partner . No other satisfies me but that isn't why I have others. It's because of the variety "
Exactly this |
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"Hi, this is our first post so go easy on us!
The wife and I are talking about potentially meeting other couples, one in particular we're chatting with and exchanging pictures with.
She is unsure so we're not ready to meet yet, but she's definitely warming to the idea of meeting this couple.
But last night when talking about concerns, she asked what would happen if either of us enjoyed sex with someone else than your partner.
It's not something I've thought about, so didn't have the answer to reassure her. I'm certain it wouldn't happen, but what if it did?
Anyone on here ever experienced something similar, and if so what did you do to overcome it?
Our idea is the whole experience is something we're sharing together at the same time, so if she enjoys it so do I and the other way around.
But if anyone does have any tips on how to prevent that or deal with it, it would be hugely appreciated xx"
Its no problem for me. I'm sure there are many guys who could satisfy my partner much better than me. There other reasons we're together much less shallow |
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