FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is there a way of avoiding sub drop?
Is there a way of avoiding sub drop?
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"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes" You're playing/association with the wrong people 
In my experience, if you explain to a dom what you might need for aftercare or what help you might need from drop, they are usually happy to try and help. They aren't mind readers.
Having said that, I can't stop my drop and sometimes it's really awful. Nothing really works. | |||
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"As you can tell this is not the place for neutral advice!! I always hit sub space the next day. I think if you recognise it for what it is - an emotional comedown from a euphoric high, then it's ok. But if it happens after 'normal' encounters then maybe address it then." Sound advice  | |||
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"Emotional anchoring is very effective. And that wind down time with lots of extras need to chat ect " Thanks, will explore. | |||
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"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes" Probably says more about the Doms you know rather than Doms in general  | |||
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"After a session l would always stay and cuddle and cosset my kink partner until she told me she was ready to enter the world. It generally took between half an hour to an hour l thought l was doing well. Then I read that for some people the drop lasts hours or days and I mentioned that to her and she said the drop can last for hours. The only point l would make is to talk to your partner and let them know how it is for you, and what you need. May be it would be a good question to ask the forum how to deal with a long lasting sub drop and what doms can do to help?" I havent ever experienced being a sub, doubt I will, but I was thinking that why cant he stay with her and provide the cuddles she needs. | |||
"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home. Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc. This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it. Any advice or experience folks? "This is totally normal. People get it after they come home from holiday, the days after their wedding, it's the natural drop in endorphins that causes the depression like symptoms. You need to find ways of controlling how quickly your endorphin levels drop. When you allow them to plummet, you get the symptoms. Find ways to help bring them down to normal levels more slowly and it won't have the same negative hit as it does now. Warm baths, clothes shopping, tasty food, funny movies, anything that gives you the feel good feelings will help keep that drop feeling away. Don't forget that Dom drop is also a thing and the Dom/me is forgotten too often so make sure you drop them a sweet message too as they'll be feeling the drop in endorphins too. | |||
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"Nope, nothing you can do about it. I get both sub drop and top drop and it's very emotionally draining. In fact, top drop is about to land now that my lover has left..." I hope it lands softly and leaves quickly. | |||
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"Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes. If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well." People can be very different though. And saying that 'all people into X should do Y' isn't always a good thing. My partner and I, for instance, aren't into aftercare. We don't do it because we don't enjoy particularly spending time with each other after sessions. I've been with people who wanted to give me aftercare (or who wanted aftercare from me) and it didn't work out for us because I'm not that kind of person. | |||
"Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes. If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well. People can be very different though. And saying that 'all people into X should do Y' isn't always a good thing. My partner and I, for instance, aren't into aftercare. We don't do it because we don't enjoy particularly spending time with each other after sessions. I've been with people who wanted to give me aftercare (or who wanted aftercare from me) and it didn't work out for us because I'm not that kind of person." I wonder what your thoughts are on my drop because I don't relate to what a lot of people advise above for dealing with drop. I oscillate between being absolutely shattered and whingy to climbing the walls for sex and can be in quite an aggressive mood. Advise about watching films, with chocolate and cuddles really does nothing for me. The only thing that gives me some kind of calmness and focus is debriefing. I like to talk through the scene and analysis it. That's my after care. But once I've done my debrief I slump. I will often go through the debrief again a couple of times and my dom will do that with me as he knows I get some form of relief from the repetition of it. But sometimes, I can be a right little mess with sub drop. | |||
"Aftercare should be a part of any Dom(me)s routine. Usually, we've found, the longer and deeper the session the longer it takes. If a sub spaces then the comedown can be particularly hard. Caring for your sub after also helps with Dom-drop as well. People can be very different though. And saying that 'all people into X should do Y' isn't always a good thing. My partner and I, for instance, aren't into aftercare. We don't do it because we don't enjoy particularly spending time with each other after sessions. I've been with people who wanted to give me aftercare (or who wanted aftercare from me) and it didn't work out for us because I'm not that kind of person. I wonder what your thoughts are on my drop because I don't relate to what a lot of people advise above for dealing with drop. I oscillate between being absolutely shattered and whingy to climbing the walls for sex and can be in quite an aggressive mood. Advise about watching films, with chocolate and cuddles really does nothing for me. The only thing that gives me some kind of calmness and focus is debriefing. I like to talk through the scene and analysis it. That's my after care. But once I've done my debrief I slump. I will often go through the debrief again a couple of times and my dom will do that with me as he knows I get some form of relief from the repetition of it. But sometimes, I can be a right little mess with sub drop. " I'm very similar. I tend to get pretty grouchy and sometimes a bit aggressive towards my partner. After a couple of days we talk about what we did and how we felt about stuff. What we want to do again what we don't want to do again. That usually signals the end of drop for me, more or less. | |||
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"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home. Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc. This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it. Any advice or experience folks? "Do you keep a journal?? as sometimes that can be helpful to see if there is a pattern to your drop. Some people drop straight after, but sometimes its days.. or like it was in your case this time the next day. I do not believe it is always down to bad aftercare.. I can get it even after a good session that isnt bdsm related... the high of any session that engages your mind as well as your body can result in the drop.. I know now that the next day I can be grumpy and difficult... Not intentionally either. I do not think you can stop sub drop but if you understand how it affects you, then it is easier to deal with. I think blaming bad aftercare is an easy option as I have seen subs that have amazing aftercare straight after... but the next day get hit. WHat works to help you feel better... ??? | |||
"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home. Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc. This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it. Any advice or experience folks?
Do you keep a journal?? as sometimes that can be helpful to see if there is a pattern to your drop.
Some people drop straight after, but sometimes its days.. or like it was in your case this time the next day.
I do not believe it is always down to bad aftercare.. I can get it even after a good session that isnt bdsm related... the high of any session that engages your mind as well as your body can result in the drop..
I know now that the next day I can be grumpy and difficult... Not intentionally either.
I do not think you can stop sub drop but if you understand how it affects you, then it is easier to deal with.
I think blaming bad aftercare is an easy option as I have seen subs that have amazing aftercare straight after... but the next day get hit.
WHat works to help you feel better... ??? "Very yes. It's not due to lacking aftercare on my part. R understands well what I need but I still drop sometimes | |||
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Take care,
Ally
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"It's not just a sub thing - it's to do with the endorphin crash after a good sesssion" | |||
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"It's not just a sub thing - it's to do with the endorphin crash after a good sesssion "I had this for the 1st time on Saturday - it really took me by surprise. At least now I know it's not just me being hormonal  | |||
"I think genuine Doms are able to read their subs x I mean if they can allow their sub to access a sub space then mentally they will be In tune x Conversely after play should involve aftercare x I believe being caring considerate x attentive and compassionate to the feelings of someone coming down x Like a previous poster said there is no one solution Maybe it's making a cuppa x or wrapping up in favourite blanket x Perhaps it a foot rub or shoulder massage x For those who don't live together then maybe it's txts x a phone call x FaceTime x Eventually you will both work out what suits you and your situationx" The drop that someone can experience does not always happen straight away after play. Also, not everyone is able to read their play partner. People need to be self aware of their limits, the right way to react when things do go wrong, how to manage the aftermath and, most importantly, learn! A decent person will learn how to read their partner over time. Not having the ability to read someone when you first meet does not make you any less genuine. Also, people can space out for many different reasons. You don't have to be being topped to reach some sort of space. It may be an intense orgasm, losing breath due to high activity levels (and I'm sure there are many other things). | |||
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"I'd also love to know if men feel like this or if it's just a woman thing " Yes it can happen to anyone. | |||
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"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home. Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc. This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it. Any advice or experience folks? "Doesn't sound good to me. The adrenaline and excitement seems to be taking over your true feelings. | |||
"I'd also love to know if men feel like this or if it's just a woman thing " I do. Dom drop is a thing too. All God's chillun got endorphins... | |||
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we usually spend an hour or so at least cuddling up, talking, reassuring, eating some nice food etc.. if we are separate the day after a few cute messages and planning our next time in together is a big help
its hard trying to deal with it alone, like everyone else says in here.. talk to him he will understand and be there for you, he probably needs the attention just as much! You just need to find your own way of dealing with it together
Lady xx | |||
"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes" | |||
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"Lots of cuddles and chat afterwards maybe some sweet tea also NB what's with all the profile deletions... Gosh folk come and go on this site x" The thread is over a year old | |||
"Lots of cuddles and chat afterwards maybe some sweet tea also NB what's with all the profile deletions... Gosh folk come and go on this site x The thread is over a year old" so are most people | |||
"I think genuine Doms are able to read their subs x I mean if they can allow their sub to access a sub space then mentally they will be In tune x Conversely after play should involve aftercare x I believe being caring considerate x attentive and compassionate to the feelings of someone coming down x Like a previous poster said there is no one solution Maybe it's making a cuppa x or wrapping up in favourite blanket x Perhaps it a foot rub or shoulder massage x For those who don't live together then maybe it's txts x a phone call x FaceTime x Eventually you will both work out what suits you and your situationx" Totally agree. My Dom takes great care of me ... as well as lots of care immediately after the session he has given me the tools to recognise and deal with drop when he's not there. He's also available on the phone if I need him. A previous Dom didn't understand what I went through ... it wasn't pleasant. | |||
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"People often forget there is also Dominant drop which can be equally as emotional as sub." I agree with this part completely... It makes me feel like I did something not right....but at the same time I don't think I did...it does mess the emotions for a while.... Resh | |||
"People often forget there is also Dominant drop which can be equally as emotional as sub. I agree with this part completely... It makes me feel like I did something not right....but at the same time I don't think I did...it does mess the emotions for a while.... Resh" That it does... | |||
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"I personally feel that a good Dom should fully support you for the whole ride... this is mainly why I only do bdsm in a relationship as i need a lot of after care!!! 10 min cuddle afterwards I couldn't do... I've had a Dom just hold me all night afterwards. Talk to your Dom, I'm sure he would want to know and be there for you x" This is as it should be. Your Dom should know what you need, if you think he doesn't then explain your issue to him. He should then act on it. If he doesn't then he's not right for you. | |||
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"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. " Care to share how you do that _ilac? | |||
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"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. Care to share how you do that _ilac? " It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing. I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. | |||
"I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens. Guess I'm not so tough as I think. "Its not about being tough its all about chemical and hormonal release within your body. One way that may help is to embrace it as part of your play. Just make sure that those you play with are fully aware of it and are prepared to help you through it.. You may well find that bringing down the level of play might help but that depends on you. No two people are the same. | |||
"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. Care to share how you do that _ilac? It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing. I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. " I would very much love to read that if you're willing to share, I'd like to provide better after care and hearing and getting feedback from someone whose been in that position is very valuable. | |||
"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. Care to share how you do that _ilac? It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing. I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. " Thread jamming is totally acceptable lol | |||
"I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens. Guess I'm not so tough as I think.
Its not about being tough its all about chemical and hormonal release within your body. One way that may help is to embrace it as part of your play. Just make sure that those you play with are fully aware of it and are prepared to help you through it.. You may well find that bringing down the level of play might help but that depends on you. No two people are the same."Sound advice | |||
"I hate that feeling. I've tried all sorts to avoid it but it still happens. Guess I'm not so tough as I think.
Its not about being tough its all about chemical and hormonal release within your body. One way that may help is to embrace it as part of your play. Just make sure that those you play with are fully aware of it and are prepared to help you through it.. You may well find that bringing down the level of play might help but that depends on you. No two people are the same.
Sound advice "My little one would not describe herself as tough at all. She just likes what she likes and that's all that matters. | |||
"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. Care to share how you do that _ilac? It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing. I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. " No, I'd be interested - even though I am not into the same kind of stuff as you and have no dom per se, I can get intense and primal at times, and I have come to realise I am very vulnerable for a couple of days after, I seem to need to load carbs and rest a lot lol! | |||
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"Okay... this is only posted to highlight that aftercare is so varied for me. And that I absolutely need to ask for the care I want at that particular time. Aftercare Note | 2 Comments · 9 Love It | over 2 years ago So who needs aftercare and who doesn't? When and how? For how long? A conversation with two dominants recently revealed they don't provide aftercare as they don't want to, nor do they feel the need. When it's apparent to them the sub needs some, they don't know what to do. It's easier in an ongoing relationship but with sporadic play partners, how are they supposed to know how to support the subject they've just played with? Ask! I would class myself as not needing much aftercare, but my requirements change depending on what mood I'm in, who I play with how and the level of play. Of course if a sub is incoherent or unable to work out what care they need, then at least rest them safely and physically stay with them. As a sub, I cannot abide being given aftercare when I don't feel I need it or want it. Nothing worse than a top insisting I be wrapped in a blanket in a dark room after I've done a bit of pet play and just barked like a dog. Here is how my aftercare varies... I'm not a tactile person but if I've endured an intense and physical ravishment scene then I may need some affection afterwards. At the very least, an opportunity to lie still with some caressing. If a dominant has made a mess of me, as in, I'm covered in substances, then it's nice to have the dominant undo the mess they've made. Not kick me off the bed and send me to the bathroom. If I'm covered in their piss or their wax or their custard from a sploshing session, then their assistance in the shower or at least talking and laughing with me as I remove it, is a must for me. If you spunk all over my redden arse cheeks, then I'll happily lie still for you while you clean it off. Sometimes If I've been spanked, really hard, then I like to be iced down or rubbed with arnica. Mainly due to me being so very charged and energetic after a spanking session, that brief moment of staying immobilised and soothed seems to stop be corkscrewing out of the room. Sometimes I want to corkscrew out of the room. Sometimes I just want to sit smiling and watch everything around me, especially if it's been public play. Sometimes I want to sleep Sometimes I'm instantly starving. Sometimes I want to cry. And do so. Sometimes If it's appropriate, then I need sexual release. This obviously depends who I've played with and how we've played. I struggled this weekend after two public play sessions in a club that sent me sky high with arousal yet it wasn't a scene that led into sexual play. I felt wired and irritated for awhile after before slumping really quickly. I'm yet to work out how to deal with that other than sloping off to masturbate. Majority of the time, I'm a debriefer. I adore talking about what I've just done and how it made me feel. I'm very giggly during play and fidget a lot. This seems to build and at the end of a scene, I'm usually hyper. Having that debrief gives me the time to chill out, bond with my dom. My first dom always blindfolded me during play. Blindfolds are my comfort blanket. It can take me awhile to remove them and they usually stay on during my aftercare. Our play was always sexual and very physically tiring so he'd allow me to regain composure with my blindfold still in place, sit at the end of the bed in silence and wait. I'd begin to move. I'd begin to talk. Soon enough, I'm chatting at a rate of knots, and the last section was ME choosing when to remove my blindfold. He'd still be sat on a chair at the foot of the bed, glass of red wine and we would just debrief. Then continue talking about anything and everything. Before long, I'd moved from fidgeting all over the bed to sat on the floor at his feet, ready to play again. With casual partners and debriefing, it's good to establish the session has been enjoyed by both and to formally end any roleplay. I'm well aware of tops needing their own form of aftercare and after play comedown and that's fine too. While I'm happy to indulge them, I've found it often swamps my preferences. Maybe I'm biased but if a sub endures pain and humiliation and has pushed them self physically and emotionally, then they get first dibs. I feel entitled to the kind of aftercare I need. And I will ask for it and expect it to be tailored towards me. What I don't expect is a dominant to be a mind reader and know how I feel." The bottom line is that aftercare is different for everyone and can be different for anyone at anytime... Its good to see that you have worked through it and have plans and accept that its part of who you are... | |||
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"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. Care to share how you do that _ilac? It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing. I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. No, I'd be interested - even though I am not into the same kind of stuff as you and have no dom per se, I can get intense and primal at times, and I have come to realise I am very vulnerable for a couple of days after, I seem to need to load carbs and rest a lot lol! " I can do a really intense scene with heavy impact play. Go into sub space. Then have a tiny bit of physical drop afterwards. Then I can do some really minor roleplay and then practically emotionally meltdown afterwards. It depends on so many factors. It may come from just sexual play too for some people. I suppose the key is identifying that you are actually having some kind of drop and looking after yourself. I'm not a big fan of the responsibility lying all on the dominant. The sub needs to be proactive in caring for themselves too. | |||
"I have a physical drop and/or an emotional drop. Not every time. It depends on the type and level of play and with whom, as to what aftercare I need. You can't expect tops to be mind readers. And just because one form of aftercare works for one scene, it might not work next week for the same scene. I tend to self care now in addition to whatever a top of offering. If I know I will emotionally slump after play, then I have things planned for afterwards to comfort or distract. Care to share how you do that _ilac? It varies. My self care can be anything from wrapping myself in blankets with pillows on the floor listening to favourite music to making sure I have a full list of activities planned to keep me occupied. Swimming helps me a lot. Especially if I'm aching after play. Just calms me right down. I have a box full of favourite stuff that I get out and rummage through if it's emotional drop like the OP is discussing. I wrote a blogpost about the aftercare types I need from tops. I'd happily post it if anyone wants to read it. I just don't want to jam up the thread. No, I'd be interested - even though I am not into the same kind of stuff as you and have no dom per se, I can get intense and primal at times, and I have come to realise I am very vulnerable for a couple of days after, I seem to need to load carbs and rest a lot lol! I can do a really intense scene with heavy impact play. Go into sub space. Then have a tiny bit of physical drop afterwards. Then I can do some really minor roleplay and then practically emotionally meltdown afterwards. It depends on so many factors. It may come from just sexual play too for some people. I suppose the key is identifying that you are actually having some kind of drop and looking after yourself. I'm not a big fan of the responsibility lying all on the dominant. The sub needs to be proactive in caring for themselves too. " Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after... | |||
" Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after... " Yeah. Loads of factors affect me. Tiredness, location, hydration, play partner, type of scene, hormones etc | |||
" Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after... Yeah. Loads of factors affect me. Tiredness, location, hydration, play partner, type of scene, hormones etc" I sincerely hope that as many people read your last comment as possible as its something that would serve many well to inwardly digest. | |||
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" Which goes to show that your mental state of mind before and during play has a large effect on what happens after... Yeah. Loads of factors affect me. Tiredness, location, hydration, play partner, type of scene, hormones etc" Thank you for sharing your view points Lilac. I found it very helpful. | |||
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"This has been one of the best threads that I've read in a long time on fab, supportive and informative great stuff! Beard" I agree.. it's nice to see a positive thread around Bdsm with all the nonsense | |||
"Had an amazing night last night with fb and another guy..I got used and abused..all very horny. Had a 10min quiet, cuddle afterwards with fb and came home. Woke up today feeling weepy, bit shaken up and desperate for some tlc and hugs etc. This happens a lot..every time I feel like this I feel like I need to stop doing the sub thing but in the mood and the moment I absolutely love it. Any advice or experience folks? "In my limited experience - you cannot stop it. All you can do is try to bring the sub down gently. 10 mins is rarely enough | |||
"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub " I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate! | |||
".... it is so difficult to find a single genuine Dom man who truly understands this dynamic." Their in the magical forest living next to single bi fem unicorns  | |||
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"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate! "Chocolates a given surely isnt it? every Dom's got a pocket full of Chocolate for afters havent they? | |||
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".... it is so difficult to find a single genuine Dom man who truly understands this dynamic. Their in the magical forest living next to single bi fem unicorns "lol | |||
"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate!
Chocolates a given surely isnt it? every Dom's got a pocket full of Chocolate for afters havent they?"Or haribo jelly babies | |||
Find the right Dom for you and it all falls into place.
I've been lucky to find an experienced Dom who knows how to communicate and gets what I need. | |||
"Jack it in most doms are heartless arseholes Probably says more about the Doms you know rather than Doms in general "Then I'd guess they are just arseholes playing at being a dom! I found the only way to try and combat the drop was to ensure my dom could stay overnight so I woke up to cuddles and gentle kisses. It didn't completely diminish the drop but it certainly helped lessen it to a point where when paired with some self care (meditation, long walk, swim or having a good weep to a soppy film) I didn't feel as vulnerable | |||
"A good Dominate will know that the subs interactions and dynamics that occur before and after a scene are just as important as the actual sex play that happens during, Aftercare or sub drop occurs when the bottom comes out of their subspace, the best Tops won’t start playing with a bottom without first knowing their “aftercare program” this can vary massively from sub to sub depending on many things. Aftercare can be as simply as making the sub a nice hot cup of tea and a biscuit to wrapping them in a blanket and holding them all night (and longer) Many people forget that some Doms have a drop too, admittedly usually sex sorts that out for me but I know Doms that suffer (sometimes as much) as the sub I like the tea, the biscuits, the blankets and lots of cuddles plus chocolate! Don't forget the chocolate!
Chocolates a given surely isnt it? every Dom's got a pocket full of Chocolate for afters havent they?"First I have to find a genuine Dom! Then to expect him to arrive with chocolate as well? Wake me up because I must be dreaming! ) | |||
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"First I have to find a genuine Dom! Then to expect him to arrive with chocolate as well? Wake me up because I must be dreaming! )"Or you slipped in the shower and will wake up in the psych ward. | |||
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"You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both - Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book " | |||
"You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both - Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book " After heavy impact or hard play I quite like to drop alone. In fact, I wouldn't engage with my sadist for awhile after. Bit like a wounded animal retreating to lick her wounds. He didn't have a choice. Walked straight out of the house one day after play and refused to have anything to do with him. Later, in my own time, I'll engage and come round. Sometimes I need my own space to get my head back. If we had done primal play or heavy SM, I'd just get this feeling of hate towards him for about 2 hours after. I'd just fight off any attempts of cuddles and kindness. When I'd self sooothed, I'd come back for cuddles and/or sex. Point is, everyone has different needs. And their needs can differ scene to scene. | |||
"You have to firstly warn the sub about it and not let come as a surprise and also that it is natural - it is the endorphin drop, then the mental element of feeling disconcerted at what has happened so you must provide care for both - Physically hot sweet drinks and yes chocolate are good - mentally lots of reassurance, cuddling and stroking, whispers In drowsy ears and gentle kisses are essential - sub drop is natural, the desire felt before was natural and nothing has been wrong - all of those things need saying and repeating The worst thing to do is leave her alone - that is a cardinal sin in my book After heavy impact or hard play I quite like to drop alone. In fact, I wouldn't engage with my sadist for awhile after. Bit like a wounded animal retreating to lick her wounds. He didn't have a choice. Walked straight out of the house one day after play and refused to have anything to do with him. Later, in my own time, I'll engage and come round. Sometimes I need my own space to get my head back. If we had done primal play or heavy SM, I'd just get this feeling of hate towards him for about 2 hours after. I'd just fight off any attempts of cuddles and kindness. When I'd self sooothed, I'd come back for cuddles and/or sex. Point is, everyone has different needs. And their needs can differ scene to scene. " And that is were sensory awareness kicks in. If someone is in their own head, acertive side, they cannot help.focus has tone on wellbeing and the bigger the brat, the tighter the hold. | |||
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"Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and disguise it in all these wonderful guises, get a grip ladies. "What abuse are you talking about? Surely you're not suggesting that submissives (and they're not all female btw) are being abused? | |||
"Abuse is abuse, no matter how you try and disguise it in all these wonderful guises, get a grip ladies.
What abuse are you talking about? Surely you're not suggesting that submissives (and they're not all female btw) are being abused?"Unfortunately that is a all to common perception | |||
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