FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Don't assume everyone will understand!
Don't assume everyone will understand!
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Thankfully, we are close with many of our neighbours, indeed, many were invited to our wedding reception which we held in Chameleons, including a collaring ceremony, so the information won't be news to most.
Our response we have added to our profile, we have left the profile otherwise exactly the same, including the settings allowing anyone access to the information, its a little late to start trying to be discreet!
However, we would like to point this out to others, we are lucky in that we are already open with those who matter to us, so apart from a few gossips and unasked questions its unlikely we will be much affected, but if you are not in this position, please make your profile accessible to only those logged in, and keep any identifying photographs private to friends only (bearing in mind, its easy to add a "friend", so if you're concerned, only allow those photos out to those you have chatted to properly)...
Its a shame, we have been on the swinging and BDSM scene for many years now, and we love the non-judgemental attitude we find generally within these communities, once again proving that no matter what walk of life you are in, its always the few who spoil it for the many! | |||
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"Does anyone know if the security settings on the site been changed recently? I note that photos can now be 'lifted' quite easily off profiles; a while ago I tried the same process and was blocked. I know it won't stop everyone/everything but it is a lesson in being careful who you accept as a friend to _iew your private gallery and if you allow unregistered browsers to _iew your profile via search engines. Be careful out there!" Exactly our point, as we are quite open about our lifestyle, and lucky enough to have friends and family who are understanding and often curious more than anything else, we thought nothing of our own privacy settings, blithely assuming that it didn't matter - obviously it matters to some! I assume the photos etc are protected if you choose to "hide" them surely? Then again, there are some very simple ways even around that... as you say, be careful, even if you don't feel it is needed! | |||
"Does anyone know if the security settings on the site been changed recently? I note that photos can now be 'lifted' quite easily off profiles; a while ago I tried the same process and was blocked. I know it won't stop everyone/everything but it is a lesson in being careful who you accept as a friend to _iew your private gallery and if you allow unregistered browsers to _iew your profile via search engines. Be careful out there!" There are no security settings on this or any site on the internet that can stop people getting any picture they want to; they are downloaded to your PC by default whenever you open the webpages. What stopped you before "right clicking and saving them" was the settings in the internet browser you were using at the time. Easy answer to not wanting others to have access to your pictures is to never upload any to the internet.  | |||
"Blimey thats terrible! Just at ask... what are your privacy settings on showing up in search enigines? I've set mine to do not show in results... are yours open? Could the person/s have googled you as such and found out about your "Private Life" via that route? Certain sound like a bit of a loser with a grudge? how odd and what a nasty thing to do? I'm stunned... "Its unlikely it would link to either of our real names, in fact, just done a google on our names and the only things which show are some papers I have written as a student (a loooonnngg time ago! ). I suspect it is someone who already uses the site, or has a friend on the site, and yes, as our profile is accessible without needing to log in, once you know we are there it is easy enough to find... We have left it open now as there is no point asking folks to register if they are simply going to look at our profile etc after this happening - like I say, bit late for that!
Still hoping whoever it is has the guts to come over and ask us about it, doesn't seem like their MO though  | |||
"Blimey thats terrible! Just at ask... what are your privacy settings on showing up in search enigines? I've set mine to do not show in results... are yours open? Could the person/s have googled you as such and found out about your "Private Life" via that route? Certain sound like a bit of a loser with a grudge? how odd and what a nasty thing to do? I'm stunned...
Its unlikely it would link to either of our real names, in fact, just done a google on our names and the only things which show are some papers I have written as a student (a loooonnngg time ago! ). I suspect it is someone who already uses the site, or has a friend on the site, and yes, as our profile is accessible without needing to log in, once you know we are there it is easy enough to find... We have left it open now as there is no point asking folks to register if they are simply going to look at our profile etc after this happening - like I say, bit late for that!
Still hoping whoever it is has the guts to come over and ask us about it, doesn't seem like their MO though "Google your email address and im sure any sites you are on will show. We did that a while ago and a few sites we are on showed up,we changed our settings so wouldnt show in any google searches but takes a while for it to stop showing. | |||
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" Google your email address and im sure any sites you are on will show. We did that a while ago and a few sites we are on showed up,we changed our settings so wouldnt show in any google searches but takes a while for it to stop showing." Nope, nothing on any of our email address's... we use a totally unrelated one for our swinging and BDSM activities, although again, if you come across us anywhere within those worlds you will be able to link our accounts with just a little effort... again though, they don't link in at all with our home life or work life, we even use different browsers for our "Adult stuff!" - the problem is simply that we didn't consider that anyone knowing us would be concerned about it if they fell over our profiles, especially as most already knew anyway... | |||
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"I agree with Karma there are people who do not take rejection well,even in messages,I have said thanks but no thanks and got a barrage of abuse." Snap... Us too x | |||
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"Thats terrible ! Why would someone do that ? "jealousy | |||
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"Sad little people sad little lives,jealous spiteful individuals that really must get a life lol One of the reasons that everyone that knows me knows what i do I realise that it cant be like that for all But Christ its a pity it cant be lol Then these sad individuals would have ta dream up summat else ta fill their pathetic little lives lol xx "Yup, we're thankful that those we know already know at least a little about our lifestyle, its sheer ignorance really, people are scared by what they don't know, its a shame, we have always encouraged folks to ask, even if its to say "hey, I do not want to know!". We respect that attitude as much as we respect someone wanting to try some of the more extreme "adult activities" out there! Ahh well, can't all be the same  | |||
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"Blimey thats terrible! Just at ask... what are your privacy settings on showing up in search enigines? I've set mine to do not show in results... are yours open? Could the person/s have googled you as such and found out about your "Private Life" via that route? Certain sound like a bit of a loser with a grudge? how odd and what a nasty thing to do? I'm stunned...
Its unlikely it would link to either of our real names, in fact, just done a google on our names and the only things which show are some papers I have written as a student (a loooonnngg time ago! ). I suspect it is someone who already uses the site, or has a friend on the site, and yes, as our profile is accessible without needing to log in, once you know we are there it is easy enough to find... We have left it open now as there is no point asking folks to register if they are simply going to look at our profile etc after this happening - like I say, bit late for that!
Still hoping whoever it is has the guts to come over and ask us about it, doesn't seem like their MO though
Google your email address and im sure any sites you are on will show.
We did that a while ago and a few sites we are on showed up,we changed our settings so wouldnt show in any google searches but takes a while for it to stop showing."we had to change our username on here because of something similar. it was my own stupidity, but if you put our old username into google you could have got my address,home and mobile numbers,plus my business website which has the contact details of past clients. doh! bit more careful now | |||
"went on for about 5 yrs without them ever knowing thier house was being used as a swingers venue." | |||
"Had a similar thing yrs ago, we used to run parties from a pvt house in a leicestershire village, arranged by us and the son of the couple who owned the house, went on for about 5 yrs without them ever knowing thier house was being used as a swingers venue. then some pathetic guy who attended a party and didnt get anything decided to copy invitation, photo's etc and snail mail it to the house owners. result was no more parties so because of his selfish pathetic attitude 50 plus people lost a fantastic venue. we feel for you, and are glad your neighbours are cool with things." Perhaps he had a pang of guilt and felt it was wrong to be attending a swingers party in someone elses home without their knowledge, and as the son (and you)did not own the house and did not pay the mortage he thought it morally wrong to be exploiting the true home owners this way..... just a thought | |||
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"Had a similar thing yrs ago, we used to run parties from a pvt house in a leicestershire village, arranged by us and the son of the couple who owned the house, went on for about 5 yrs without them ever knowing thier house was being used as a swingers venue. then some pathetic guy who attended a party and didnt get anything decided to copy invitation, photo's etc and snail mail it to the house owners. result was no more parties so because of his selfish pathetic attitude 50 plus people lost a fantastic venue. we feel for you, and are glad your neighbours are cool with things. Perhaps he had a pang of guilt and felt it was wrong to be attending a swingers party in someone elses home without their knowledge, and as the son (and you)did not own the house and did not pay the mortage he thought it morally wrong to be exploiting the true home owners this way..... just a thought "Yeah, that doesn't sit comfortably with me either! The son doesn't own the house so what would have happened if the house caught fire or there was a death, even from natural causes? I'm sure there must be some illegality in that but anyway, it is totally irresponsible. To the OP… Bad thing to have happen, but you have the right attitude. Hope everything continues as before for you. We were outed by Mrs R’s work “friend”. We had a private personal web space hosted on Angelfire. There was no reference to us in the name and the only place you could get the addy was on a pay site. It was found and bandied about at a high profile London event and was put up all round the building at work. Thing is, she was a member of the site and got the addy from there. Had to tell the kids and our friends as we all knew the same people. Worked out very well for us as now people just accept us as we are. We have been lucky, but it could have been so different | |||
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"Bloody ell thats disgusting, you are such nice people too "hugs" Lisa xx "Awww thanks Lisa, we're having such a good time lately too, after a **** year health-wise, meeting more folks like yourselves, not gonna lose than for anyone!  | |||
"Deplorable/Shameful. I really do hope that the Person/Persons that felt the need to are happy with themselves, why because they've proven a few things: A: Their not mature enough to swing. B: Their Idiots! C: When found out, they'll be banished, hopefully? Fair play for posting this, you've both managed to rise above it and show what your about/take it in your stride and move on. I admire you for that & wish you well, happy swinging. Bip x " Didn't see any other way of dealing with it really, to suddenly "hide" our account or to switch it seems pointless as the photos etc have already been printed off and its obviously us, either action would also say that we have something to feel ashamed about - we don't, and would protect ANYONES right to live their lives as they wish, so long as anyone involved is adult and capable of consenting (oh, and does consent of course ). We try not to judge others, we both totally respect anyone we come into contact with, all we ask in return is the same! Mind you, if the world ran anything like that, we'd be far too over-populated - too many wars would have been avoided! | |||
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"saying that i was once reported to the socisl services for being bi and having 3 daughters, whoever reported me told them they thought it was inappropriate for a bi sexul woman to be living alone in house with 3 young girls i felt 3 inches tall when they came out and questioned me and i never met another woman after that" That is horrible NN, I can't believe someone would do that. I have two kids and when I was married, someone I know thought It was terrible that me and my wife would meet couples...luckily it was nothing more than an exchange of words. Really bad that this now prevents you from enjoying a side of your sexuality. | |||
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"What has happened to you both is disgusting and one of the reasons we don't meet at our home. Not even good friends we have met through swinging knows our address." Yup, we always meet outside of our home, usually within a club environment, apart from anything else we have a teenager in the house, and whilst we're not naive enough to believe he knows nothing about sex and I am sure a variety of subjects around it (no matter how much control you have over their internet time, a teenager will always be one step ahead of you with technology! ) it simply isn't right to allow him to know any ins and outs (no pun intended ) about our sex life! So home visits are just taboo...
The problem is, a neighbour has recognised us from our photos, so I guess the only way we could have avoided it would be to have made the photos private, but, as we're open with all our friends and family about what we get up to, we never thought it would be an issue! ahhh well.... So far, the neighbours consensus has been along the lines of "Who on earth have you rejected?" and "Why would anyone think its anyones business bar your own?" as well as "If someone is concerned about your husbands treatment of yourself and other women, why didn't they just go to the police?" ... All agreeing that the person who has come the worst off in it is the one distributing the letters!
Funny how these things back-fire, in a sense I hope we never discover who it is, I believe my neighbours would like to tell them what they think of them, and folks like that simply aren't worth the trouble!
Thanks though guys, Mr B has been overwhelmed with support both at home and online and we so totally know why we chose this lifestyle when things go wrong! | |||
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