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Should I introduce my vanilla friend into a threesome?
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By *qua vitae OP Woman
over a year ago
Shropshire/Midlands |
A vanilla female friend of mine, who knows that I'm on here and knows that I'm bi curious, has expressed an interest in joining me and my FWB (male) in a threesome. She was intrigued to how we arrange meets with other people for threesomes and the dymanics of such arrangements, etc. After realising that she was serious and we talked a bit, I ended by saying that the door was open for further discussion. She said we'll speak soon when we parted. I've mentioned this to my FWB of 4 years, who is favourable to it and is interested to meet her.
I'm not adverse to the situation at all and don't think it would harm my friendship with my female friend. I'm interested to know though, how other people have dealt with this sort of situation and did it change their friendship with their vanilla friend? I'm mindful not to push or rush her. So I'm wondering whether just to wait for her to raise the subject again, or should I tell her that I've spoken to my FWB and that would she be interestedl in a social? |
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It seems to me that she is fully aware of what she is doing, has expressed an interest and wants to try it out. While I think you are right to be looking out for her to a certain extent we all had to start somewhere and this could be her starting point. Personally I wouldn't involve a platonic friend in my sex life I think it changes things.
I'm interested as to why you describe her as vanilla and when you feel that description no longer applies. |
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By *urvyemmaWoman
over a year ago
wigan/bolton |
I have done a 3sum with my vanilla friend...well vanilla in that she isn't on fab, not into the scene.
Started out same as yours. .We talked loads before about what we were happy with and we also discussed if it would affect our friendship. We both felt it wouldn't so we went for it.
Was great experience, lots of fun, never done it since but still laugh and talk about how horny it was. All good fun. Key is communication before and after |
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By *qua vitae OP Woman
over a year ago
Shropshire/Midlands |
"It seems to me that she is fully aware of what she is doing, has expressed an interest and wants to try it out. While I think you are right to be looking out for her to a certain extent we all had to start somewhere and this could be her starting point. Personally I wouldn't involve a platonic friend in my sex life I think it changes things.
I'm interested as to why you describe her as vanilla and when you feel that description no longer applies. "
I call her 'vanilla' because she has never done this before and for me, 'vanilla' ends when someone has dipped their toe away from the 'norm'. However, she tells me she's not vanilla. 
Yes, I'm wondering how it would affect our friendship, as I realise once you've crossed that bridge, you can no longer go back. Having had a few threesomes over the years, I'm able to departmentalise, but as for my friend who's never had one before, I'm wary of the effect on her. However, if it's something that she definitely wants to dip her toe into, then I could guide her along the way. |
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By *qua vitae OP Woman
over a year ago
Shropshire/Midlands |
"I have done a 3sum with my vanilla friend...well vanilla in that she isn't on fab, not into the scene.
Started out same as yours. .We talked loads before about what we were happy with and we also discussed if it would affect our friendship. We both felt it wouldn't so we went for it.
Was great experience, lots of fun, never done it since but still laugh and talk about how horny it was. All good fun. Key is communication before and after"
I told her that communication and openness is key in these arrangements. That's why we always have socials to make sure everyone is comfortable and that boundaries are discussed and at any point, no is respected. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
Maybe, if she returns to the subject, you could offer to introduce her to a couple you have previously met, so that she can explore without rising a friendship? She may prefer to explore with you, but the choice may be appreciated. |
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We have previously invited a vanilla friend who was curious into the scene and to be honest it didn't cause any issues with us, she enjoyed it and continued to do her own thing, a few years later she has done her own thing and returned to the vanilla lifestyle, all was good in our experience but have heard some not so good experiences! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We had a threesome with S' mate a couple of weeks ago, he was round ours for a drink and a bit of risky chat led to us all taking it further. It was fun and no one regrets it but probably wouldn't go there again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A vanilla female friend of mine, who knows that I'm on here and knows that I'm bi curious, has expressed an interest in joining me and my FWB (male) in a threesome. She was intrigued to how we arrange meets with other people for threesomes and the dymanics of such arrangements, etc. After realising that she was serious and we talked a bit, I ended by saying that the door was open for further discussion. She said we'll speak soon when we parted. I've mentioned this to my FWB of 4 years, who is favourable to it and is interested to meet her.
I'm not adverse to the situation at all and don't think it would harm my friendship with my female friend. I'm interested to know though, how other people have dealt with this sort of situation and did it change their friendship with their vanilla friend? I'm mindful not to push or rush her. So I'm wondering whether just to wait for her to raise the subject again, or should I tell her that I've spoken to my FWB and that would she be interestedl in a social?"
How relaxed are you about sex and relationships?
I'd have no problem doing this. But I identify as a Relationship Anarchist and I don't prize sexual relationships above friendships, or the other way round. Sex is an enjoyable activity that I do with some of my friends (just like I play board games with some friends, or go to the gym with some friends). After I've had sex with someone it doesn't change anything for me.
If you can honestly say you feel that way too (or you want to start a relationship with your friend) and that you friend feels that way too, then go for it. Have a threesome. But if either of you don't feel that way, I'm not sure I'd risk it.
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In the end you friend makes her own choice your only decision is whether you find her sexually appealing.
You're not coercing her she may like the fact she can try this with someone she trusts rather than two strangers off the Internet. |
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By *qua vitae OP Woman
over a year ago
Shropshire/Midlands |
Thanks for all of your replies - they've been most helpful! 
I'm going to wait a while, because in a couple of weeks she's off to do a project. I know she'll be in touch after that, so maybe I'll drop it into the conversation that I've spoken to my FWB and then it up to her. I'm quite certain that it won't alter our existing friendship, as we are both adults and will, of course, discuss all the avenues.
I was just a bit surprised that she brought it up and never before when I've spoken to her about my experiences. I guess she's been thinking about trying it out for herself and what better way than with someone she knows and trusts. |
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