FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > tempted to mail someone again
tempted to mail someone again
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've just seen a meet by someone I would genuinely like to meet, I clicked to send a message, and the warning popped up that I already mailed them a few weeks ago. I wrote out the email I wanted to send then deleted it and came straight out of the messaging. I don't want to email someone if I have done so before and it didn't end in a meet or continued conversation because we clearly didn't hit it off. I guess my question is, what are people's opinions on such things? Might it be different if the mailer was feeling inexperienced before, but is feeling more confident now? Maybe not feeling confident, otherwise I would not be asking the questions, but certainly more confident to entertain the idea. Can first impressions be changed? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have done it in past and sometimes your message just gets overlooked as they have loads and the second time you might get a reply. It is down to your own digression though at the end of the day and you can usually tell off the profile if they are the type to get annoyed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have done it in past and sometimes your message just gets overlooked as they have loads and the second time you might get a reply. It is down to your own digression though at the end of the day and you can usually tell off the profile if they are the type to get annoyed"
They seem pretty chilled and laid back, which is one of the reasons I like their profile, but I think Com makes sense with his comment also |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Send something to catch there attention if you must but don't send something generic again"
I'm not very attention grabbing, but neither am I generic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gored Adam's first message  . He messaged me twice and look where that got us 
Do it. Don't apologise for it and if you're ignored don't sweat it, block them so you're not seeing them in your updates and carry on looking.
Mostly you should be having fun.
V xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just seen a meet by someone I would genuinely like to meet, I clicked to send a message, and the warning popped up that I already mailed them a few weeks ago. I wrote out the email I wanted to send then deleted it and came straight out of the messaging. I don't want to email someone if I have done so before and it didn't end in a meet or continued conversation because we clearly didn't hit it off. I guess my question is, what are people's opinions on such things? Might it be different if the mailer was feeling inexperienced before, but is feeling more confident now? Maybe not feeling confident, otherwise I would not be asking the questions, but certainly more confident to entertain the idea. Can first impressions be changed?"
I'd perhaps send it, and say 'hey, I wanted to drop you a line but I got a warning that I've sent a message to you before. Perhaps you missed my email or perhaps you didn't want to speak to me. Anyway, I'm still interested and I'd love to have a chat if you fancy it.' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
Sometimes I have put people off in the past and then gone on to chat at a later time due to lots of reasons
A second mail a few weeks down the line isn't too sad,messages sometimes get missed,Ignored or deleted when someone has a busy mail box
What I would ignore and there are loads that do this,second messages on the same day when you haven't read the first or copy and paste message sent on a regular basis because the sender is just sending out masses of messages in the blind hope that someone will respond |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I gored Adam's first message . He messaged me twice and look where that got us
Do it. Don't apologise for it and if you're ignored don't sweat it, block them so you're not seeing them in your updates and carry on looking.
Mostly you should be having fun.
V xxx"
That's interesting to know. However, the people I'm interested in are a couple looking for NSA. They also sent a reply to my original message, I didn't originally understand what they meant by it, but I think I do now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes I have put people off in the past and then gone on to chat at a later time due to lots of reasons
A second mail a few weeks down the line isn't too sad,messages sometimes get missed,Ignored or deleted when someone has a busy mail box
What I would ignore and there are loads that do this,second messages on the same day when you haven't read the first or copy and paste message sent on a regular basis because the sender is just sending out masses of messages in the blind hope that someone will respond "
That's grim, I tend to prefer sending only a few messages to specific people so I know who I've sent to. Hence why I am over cautious about sending more messages |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Send something to catch there attention if you must but don't send something generic again
I'm not very attention grabbing, but neither am I generic"
IV bulk deleted before, as couldn't be arsed to trawl through so many. So might be worth it. Worst can happen is its deleted again and your blocked. If your not talking anyway then that's no loss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be bold young man! I've met some super fellas who had to be persistent, purely because I don't have time to respond to everyone. Keep going and don't take anything personally. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Send something to catch there attention if you must but don't send something generic again
I'm not very attention grabbing, but neither am I generic
IV bulk deleted before, as couldn't be arsed to trawl through so many. So might be worth it. Worst can happen is its deleted again and your blocked. If your not talking anyway then that's no loss."
Ah, a Dr pepper moment... What's the worst that could happen lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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They sent me a message saying I'm not what they're looking for. Thank you guys for giving me the confidence to give it a shot. It's not the outcome I was hoping for, but I'm happy with the outcome |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I would have normally said " don't do ittttttttt" but if they didn't answer, why not.
We don't like multiple mails if we have already said no thanks, but if the first mail was rubbish ( someone just saying "hi" or " how are you") and we have deleted it, if they then send a better mail we may read and answer it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They sent me a message saying I'm not what they're looking for. Thank you guys for giving me the confidence to give it a shot. It's not the outcome I was hoping for, but I'm happy with the outcome"
See you can only try atleast they had the decency to let you know where you stand many understandably don't |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmmm I should really read to the bottom of the thread before I reply.
Sorry it didn't get you what you were after OP...but there was no harm in trying  "
Hahaha, I appreciate the sentiment. No damage done lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have found, on the odd occasion (and it is very rarely that I have done so), that I have sent a further message to someone who did not reply to a message I had sent them previously, however, usually in such circumstances, quite some time has passed, and as has been said already, sometimes, messages you may have sent may have been overlooked.
There have been a couple of people who didn't respond to my first message, but my second message - quite some months later - resulted in a meet.
With all of this said though, I would not advocate the further messaging of someone who may have deleted or not responded to your first message.
I guess it really boils down to judgement.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They sent me a message saying I'm not what they're looking for. Thank you guys for giving me the confidence to give it a shot. It's not the outcome I was hoping for, but I'm happy with the outcome
See you can only try atleast they had the decency to let you know where you stand many understandably don't "
Yes, they seem really nice and friendly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have done it to and send one more email, the likely hood they will say yes 2nd time is slim to owt, although you got nothing to lose and all to gain. Time your email when they are online. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have done it to and send one more email, the likely hood they will say yes 2nd time is slim to owt, although you got nothing to lose and all to gain. Time your email when they are online."
That requires planning, organisation, and patience... I like you if you are conned into thinking I'm that capable lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we get messages we obviously look at the senders profile and I always look to see if we've spoken before/they've messaged. If it says we have and I'm intrigued, sometimes I'll have a clear out of our inbox until I can find their previous message and see if it jogs my memory.
We certainly don't think it's bad etiquette to message again, it's been a few weeks in between so you cant be accused of hounding them and there could be a million simple reasons why you didn't get anywhere last time.
Sasha x |
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I wasn't meeting for a while but replied to all mails saying thanks, but I wasn't meeting.
My current lover mailed me again n we're now together.
I would mail twice at most then block them so as not to waste my time or theirs if you don't get a reply to either mails. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say that we exchanged messages a couple of weeks/months and that guess there wasn't an interest, most say sorry and thanks, others delete message |
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We don't normally contact people if the first mail is unanswered but.....
We mailed a couple yesterday which when we reread it seemed short and crude. A mail to which they did not respond to.
We remessaged them apologising and explaining ourselves better. We are glad to say that mail got a positive response.
Hope you choose your course of action wisely and good luck x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess some people get so many messages its worth a try again although some get a little funny about it. I don't get that many messages so tend to reply to most well written polite ones, the fancy a fuck or similar get ignored and I make a note on their profile when they messaged and that I deleted it without reply. If they message again, I make a further note and if, on a rare occasion they message me 3 times I just block them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nothing ventured etc.
Things might have changed since you last messaged. If you don't get a response again then you know they haven't and not message again.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for the responses, I was surprised to see this thread revived, but appreciative of the ideas people are putting out. I did actually message again, and got a thanks but no thanks. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't messaged again though, so I think I would potentially message again in future.... within reason |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just seen a meet by someone I would genuinely like to meet, I clicked to send a message, and the warning popped up that I already mailed them a few weeks ago. I wrote out the email I wanted to send then deleted it and came straight out of the messaging. I don't want to email someone if I have done so before and it didn't end in a meet or continued conversation because we clearly didn't hit it off. I guess my question is, what are people's opinions on such things? Might it be different if the mailer was feeling inexperienced before, but is feeling more confident now? Maybe not feeling confident, otherwise I would not be asking the questions, but certainly more confident to entertain the idea. Can first impressions be changed?
I'd perhaps send it, and say 'hey, I wanted to drop you a line but I got a warning that I've sent a message to you before. Perhaps you missed my email or perhaps you didn't want to speak to me. Anyway, I'm still interested and I'd love to have a chat if you fancy it.'"
That's a very good shout. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just seen a meet by someone I would genuinely like to meet, I clicked to send a message, and the warning popped up that I already mailed them a few weeks ago. I wrote out the email I wanted to send then deleted it and came straight out of the messaging. I don't want to email someone if I have done so before and it didn't end in a meet or continued conversation because we clearly didn't hit it off. I guess my question is, what are people's opinions on such things? Might it be different if the mailer was feeling inexperienced before, but is feeling more confident now? Maybe not feeling confident, otherwise I would not be asking the questions, but certainly more confident to entertain the idea. Can first impressions be changed?"
The worst they can do is send you a stinging rebuke and block you? You'll survive!?
Best case scenario is you guy it off. What is there to lose, unless you're tender and easily upset?x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to delete a first message then if I recognise they have messaged me a second time I send a no thank you message. I have had some great second messages too that have changed my mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Send it. Just because they didn't reply first time around doesn't mean they didn't want to.
It's a crappy pop anyway. I mean, sometimes you delete things by accident. Sometimes you have second thoughts and wished you hadn't deleted etc...
Sure it's there to remind people not harass someone else, but hey, WTF's the block button for?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't act like it's the first time you've messaged.
Even if I do forget the odd person who messaged 6 months ago and is trying it on again, Fab tells me they messaged before."
Very good advice. Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just seen a meet by someone I would genuinely like to meet, I clicked to send a message, and the warning popped up that I already mailed them a few weeks ago. I wrote out the email I wanted to send then deleted it and came straight out of the messaging. I don't want to email someone if I have done so before and it didn't end in a meet or continued conversation because we clearly didn't hit it off. I guess my question is, what are people's opinions on such things? Might it be different if the mailer was feeling inexperienced before, but is feeling more confident now? Maybe not feeling confident, otherwise I would not be asking the questions, but certainly more confident to entertain the idea. Can first impressions be changed?
I'd perhaps send it, and say 'hey, I wanted to drop you a line but I got a warning that I've sent a message to you before. Perhaps you missed my email or perhaps you didn't want to speak to me. Anyway, I'm still interested and I'd love to have a chat if you fancy it.'"
Sound piece of advice Wasp! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always turn someone down with a polite not interested message, that I then add a note on the profile... so if they message me again, I admit I tend to get a little irrritated...
I usually just send another copy-paste thanks but no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just seen a meet by someone I would genuinely like to meet, I clicked to send a message, and the warning popped up that I already mailed them a few weeks ago. I wrote out the email I wanted to send then deleted it and came straight out of the messaging. I don't want to email someone if I have done so before and it didn't end in a meet or continued conversation because we clearly didn't hit it off. I guess my question is, what are people's opinions on such things? Might it be different if the mailer was feeling inexperienced before, but is feeling more confident now? Maybe not feeling confident, otherwise I would not be asking the questions, but certainly more confident to entertain the idea. Can first impressions be changed?
I'd perhaps send it, and say 'hey, I wanted to drop you a line but I got a warning that I've sent a message to you before. Perhaps you missed my email or perhaps you didn't want to speak to me. Anyway, I'm still interested and I'd love to have a chat if you fancy it.'"
That, if you are going to try your luck again, would echo my thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok so they've replied saying you're not what they're looking for. So now it's back on you, you need to reply back to that saying "I know you said I'm not for you but...." then explain why they've made a massive mistake for saying that. Be persistent, that's what all these other good folk are telling you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fuck it. They haven't blocked you yet so m3aaf3 them as much as possible, seems to be what the local takeaways do round ours with there menus and they are still all up and running so it must work.
The more shit you throw the more is going to stick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a newbie of just one week and sent out a number of messages, I find myself in the same position with one or two people.
Thank you for starting this post, the comments have made me make the decision to resend another |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op. I noticed 5 of your 6 verifications are from meets in clubs. Now I love the odd club night but it may help to build up a few more meets with couples elsewhere. Can you accomadate? As this can be helpful so and be confident. Don't be afraid to blow your own trumpet but don't be arogant. I am no oil painting but I am gregarious and confident (being well travelled helps this) and have the option to accom and I have had a fair few meets, Go for it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op. I noticed 5 of your 6 verifications are from meets in clubs. Now I love the odd club night but it may help to build up a few more meets with couples elsewhere. Can you accomadate? As this can be helpful so and be confident. Don't be afraid to blow your own trumpet but don't be arogant. I am no oil painting but I am gregarious and confident (being well travelled helps this) and have the option to accom and I have had a fair few meets, Go for it"
Unfortunately, I can't accommodate because I live with a housemate who doesn't like people he doesn't know coming around, so I can't always guarantee that I can accommodate unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have done it in past and sometimes your message just gets overlooked as they have loads and the second time you might get a reply. It is down to your own digression though at the end of the day and you can usually tell off the profile if they are the type to get annoyed
They seem pretty chilled and laid back, which is one of the reasons I like their profile, but I think Com makes sense with his comment also"
I think you are experiencing the sad truth about many "swingers" on this site. Ego levels are off the scale and men are in huge abundance so it is probably a lottery. Some women look for black guys with huge cocks, fair enough they have a type ie. Big cock. Most though are couples where the male will routinely ignore messafes from other males - after all they only get to shag because of their partner. I would suggest you go to a club and forget about couples with an attitude |
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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
"I gored Adam's first message . He messaged me twice and look where that got us
Do it. Don't apologise for it and if you're ignored don't sweat it, block them so you're not seeing them in your updates and carry on looking.
Mostly you should be having fun.
V xxx"
Exactly, send it again if deleted us the block button to ensure you don't message again. J |
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