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Still unsure please help !!!
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I love sex and enjoy meets when I arrange them however I still have that nagging in my head that stops me agreeing to a meet !! I can't explain it except that I have to feel a connection and be attracted to the person I meet.
Maybe I have met the wrong type but always feel that it is expected that I will play on a first meet.
Can someone experienced please tell me this is normal and not everyone plays on a first meet !!! |
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"I love sex and enjoy meets when I arrange them however I still have that nagging in my head that stops me agreeing to a meet !! I can't explain it except that I have to feel a connection and be attracted to the person I meet.
Maybe I have met the wrong type but always feel that it is expected that I will play on a first meet.
Can someone experienced please tell me this is normal and not everyone plays on a first meet !!!"
Everyone has their tastes, and preferences... no harm in not feeling it... this place is to explore what you like and what you do not like, and thats one of the reasons people have socials.. to test the waters... if it works it works and if it doesnt it doesnt. So do not fret, be yourself, and just go with the flow. |
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I felt like you at first but after having a few meets now if there's nothing there I can't play. We have had some fun socials but no feelings of anything else. When you do click though it's horny as hell  happy hunting |
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"I love sex and enjoy meets when I arrange them however I still have that nagging in my head that stops me agreeing to a meet !! I can't explain it except that I have to feel a connection and be attracted to the person I meet.
Maybe I have met the wrong type but always feel that it is expected that I will play on a first meet.
Can someone experienced please tell me this is normal and not everyone plays on a first meet !!!"
We don't and often not on a second or third either and sometimes not at all. Set your boundaries and stick by them until or unless you are ready to adjust them. Don't let anyone tell you that your way of doing things is wrong either, never, ever feel that you should have sex with someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They way I meet guys.
Banter on here, if all good move onto kik/whatssap.
If still good arrange a social.
if really good arrange to meet again 
If not then it's thanks for the drink & ciao.
Only reason I don't do a social 1st is down to logistics but by the time we meet we've already established a connection via messaging.
Hope that helps!
x |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
You don't have to play on a first meet, or ever if you don't want to.
What we do is what we call a "social with a hope of play". We meet in a pub or a bar, close to where we could play, so near ours or theirs. If it all goes well, then we can go to our place or theirs, but if it doesn't, then you can go your own separate ways from the pub/bar.
We think it has a number of advantages, going into a pub/bar is less stressful than going to someones home, and it is also designed for social interaction. Its safe, other people are there so if they turn out to be a right weirdo, you should be ok. You have also not given out your address to a stranger, or not gone inside a strangers house. Also if it turns out that you don't click, it is easier to finish your drink and leave a pub/bar than either excusing yourself from someones house, or having to ask someone to leave yours. Also as it is a two step process, pub then house, there is less expectation of play ( i know their shouldn't be an expectation in the first place), than if you are in either your house of theirs where a bed is obviously going to be in close proximity.
So that what we do, maybe it could be of use to you.  |
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"Well at least I know I'm not being stupid about things now - thank you xx"
Many folk are more than happy to meet socially with no pressure to take it anywhere. You just arranging to meet over a coffee or a McD's or such like and make it very clear it is only a get to know you meet. You can then arrange to meet again another time if the spark is there. |
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I think you have to go with what you like...I don't have time for socials although I have done them but they rarely ended in any action. I was introduced to swinging via the club scene so my MO is play straight away. I've found, after 4 years on this scene using fab and going to parties and clubs, I can tell if we're connecting via messages and will go for a phone conversation. Only then will I assess whether I think a meet is a good idea. Having said all that I'm currently on a break and fucking outside the scene which I never thought I would after this length of time.
Good luck and trust your instincts x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They way I meet guys.
Banter on here, if all good move onto kik/whatssap.
If still good arrange a social.
if really good arrange to meet again
If not then it's thanks for the drink & ciao.
Only reason I don't do a social 1st is down to logistics but by the time we meet we've already established a connection via messaging.
Hope that helps!
x"
What she said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love sex and enjoy meets when I arrange them however I still have that nagging in my head that stops me agreeing to a meet !! I can't explain it except that I have to feel a connection and be attracted to the person I meet.
Maybe I have met the wrong type but always feel that it is expected that I will play on a first meet.
Can someone experienced please tell me this is normal and not everyone plays on a first meet !!!
We don't and often not on a second or third either and sometimes not at all. Set your boundaries and stick by them until or unless you are ready to adjust them. Don't let anyone tell you that your way of doing things is wrong either, never, ever feel that you should have sex with someone."
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's why I choose to almost exclusively play in clubs these days.... A social atmosphere; bar, music, hot-tub plus playrooms upstairs if feeling like I want to take it further. I can't be bothered with loads of internet chatting and social coffee shop meets with random strangers. Life is too short.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love sex and enjoy meets when I arrange them however I still have that nagging in my head that stops me agreeing to a meet !! I can't explain it except that I have to feel a connection and be attracted to the person I meet.
Maybe I have met the wrong type but always feel that it is expected that I will play on a first meet.
Can someone experienced please tell me this is normal and not everyone plays on a first meet !!!"
Im not experienced so this might not help, but I only arrange socials first, and make sure that the man knows that too when we are messaging. Its in my profile too, but probably accounts for the fact that I dont get second meets with them. Stick to what you want though if its working for you. Myself, im not so sure it is for me, good luck |
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"That's why I choose to almost exclusively play in clubs these days.... A social atmosphere; bar, music, hot-tub plus playrooms upstairs if feeling like I want to take it further. I can't be bothered with loads of internet chatting and social coffee shop meets with random strangers. Life is too short. "
me too. Have it all under one roof and if no one takes your fancy, you've still had a good night out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The vast majority of my meets have taken place after a social. I have played on the first meet, but only very occasionally. And that very often with a couple where its sometimes difficult to get out etc. It was also put on this table that, if we all hit it off, would I be ok with it.
I would suggest you always have a social before playing. Anyone that expects you to play straight away, even after, is in my opinion expecting too much.
Also trust that gut feeling you spoke about.
If someone is pushing to play I would be wary.
You set the rules and stick to them! Your body, your life, regret is never a great thing.
If that sounds all negative, it shouldn't. There are some great people out there and those will always respect your wishes. It should be fun. If you aren't having fun with someone then its time to move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't have to play on a first meet, or ever if you don't want to.
What we do is what we call a "social with a hope of play". We meet in a pub or a bar, close to where we could play, so near ours or theirs. If it all goes well, then we can go to our place or theirs, but if it doesn't, then you can go your own separate ways from the pub/bar.
We think it has a number of advantages, going into a pub/bar is less stressful than going to someones home, and it is also designed for social interaction. Its safe, other people are there so if they turn out to be a right weirdo, you should be ok. You have also not given out your address to a stranger, or not gone inside a strangers house. Also if it turns out that you don't click, it is easier to finish your drink and leave a pub/bar than either excusing yourself from someones house, or having to ask someone to leave yours. Also as it is a two step process, pub then house, there is less expectation of play ( i know their shouldn't be an expectation in the first place), than if you are in either your house of theirs where a bed is obviously going to be in close proximity.
So that what we do, maybe it could be of use to you. "
This |
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We always meet at a bar for a social first, somewhere if its a no show then we can still enjoy the evening, I can tell within a few minutes if I want to play so we have simple one word code so we both know if there's any interest. obviously we must all click before going any further not into "taking one for the team" ..lol..connie x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know you sound very normal to me. Like food, your first taste is with the eyes, so it is with people. Like food, your second taste with the nose. Both of these are best done up front and personal. After that the other senses take over and if it isn't right you don't eat. So it is with people |
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was just my perception and observations of things 
