FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > 'Ex' - outing me ? Legalities ?
'Ex' - outing me ? Legalities ?
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Your not doing anything illegal. Maybe tweak your profile or hide it or set up a alternative one to use then deny deny deny!
Only power he has is if you got kids and meeting with them in the house.
So deny or fess up and shame him for being bitter and nasty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is there any legal route I can take to prevent him 'outing' me ? Answers on a post card please ! "
What issues are there if he 'outed' you? And do you think it's a wise idea on a public forum to ask such questions, with a visible profile? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have recently tweeked profile , name change , profile text and pics . I never meet with kids around. Just worried he'll expose me to family and friends . We had couples profile - now deleted . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He has no access to fab . No need to hide profile . "
Yet you had a couples profile! So he has no access to fab! Really? Are you sure he hasn't got a single guy profile, or does he not have access to fab due to being somewhere with no internet access? Mongolia? Prison?
Can't see any issue considering you can out him as you used to have a couples profile |
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"I have recently tweeked profile , name change , profile text and pics . I never meet with kids around. Just worried he'll expose me to family and friends . We had couples profile - now deleted . "
If in doubt take everything off this profile and shelve it for a while. You can set up another one with an alternative email addy and use that for a while.
Don't forget to set your filters to limit who can look at your profile - if you haven't then non-registered people can see it without joining the site.
If he has any knowledge about fab it will take him just a few minutes to set up a profile to snoop. If you want to deny it you have to be sure it's plausible.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have recently tweeked profile , name change , profile text and pics . I never meet with kids around. Just worried he'll expose me to family and friends . We had couples profile - now deleted .
If in doubt take everything off this profile and shelve it for a while. You can set up another one with an alternative email addy and use that for a while.
Don't forget to set your filters to limit who can look at your profile - if you haven't then non-registered people can see it without joining the site.
If he has any knowledge about fab it will take him just a few minutes to set up a profile to snoop. If you want to deny it you have to be sure it's plausible.
"
Thanks .... Good advice . Really reluctant to begin afresh on here tho . Have tried messaging private to you but I'm blocked . Thanks tho |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not a lot you can do really, any legal action will probably draw more attention to it in the end. Put a big fat 'fuck it' on the issue and if he tells people he tells them. So what will people find out? You enjoy sex? Big deal.
Sounds like he's hanging it over your head in a power trip, trying to force you to dance to his tune. Don't give him the power, tell him to do whatever he thinks he needs to do but at the end of the day it just makes him look like a sad twat, and it will to whoever he 'tells'.
Some men (and women) get pathetic like this on a break up, they should have a word with themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's exactly what he's doing . And I've told him to do what he feels is best . I'm ready but not looking forward to the aftermath. Thankyou x "
I doubt he'll tell anyone in reality, because he's telling them his involvement too. But if he does, you'll probably find people won't react anywhere near as badly as you think they will. Most will be jealous of the fun you're having. |
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"Is there any legal route I can take to prevent him 'outing' me ? Answers on a post card please ! "
Would he actually do this or is he all talk and no action. If he intended to do it why would he tell you in advance . ?. Seeking legal advice might just be a waste of money.  |
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It always used to be the case that if you go to citizens advice they could organise a free 15 minute consultation with a legal rep. So you could use that if it still exists?
I would have thought he won't do it as it would mean outing himself...so how is it meant to shame you if you did it together as a couple?! It just makes him look jealous and bitter. We have only told a couple of people about what we do, and those who have found out have generally taken it quite well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He's not bothered about his involvement . Threatening to 'out' me, he thinks will make me reconsider our future relationship . He actively encouraged my single profile. And now things are significantly less than hunky dory for him he's feeling incredibly angry and bitter . |
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Well people will still tend to think its just because he is angry and bitter. The only thing we would suggest is the same as has been suggested. If he does, then taken ownership of it... "Yeah I am, so what? He knew all about it at the time and we are all consenting adults".
You will then hopefully take the wind out of peoples sails, especially those who would gossip about it... |
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"I have recently tweeked profile , name change , profile text and pics . I never meet with kids around. Just worried he'll expose me to family and friends . We had couples profile - now deleted .
If in doubt take everything off this profile and shelve it for a while. You can set up another one with an alternative email addy and use that for a while.
Don't forget to set your filters to limit who can look at your profile - if you haven't then non-registered people can see it without joining the site.
If he has any knowledge about fab it will take him just a few minutes to set up a profile to snoop. If you want to deny it you have to be sure it's plausible.
Thanks .... Good advice . Really reluctant to begin afresh on here tho . Have tried messaging private to you but I'm blocked . Thanks tho "
Message sent to you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have recently tweeked profile , name change , profile text and pics . I never meet with kids around. Just worried he'll expose me to family and friends . We had couples profile - now deleted . "
If he has you on his hotlist a name change etc won't matter. He can still find you. Best to make a new profile with different location, pics etc. |
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"Just by putting username/site in google it comes up with pics and profile so remove pics, google might already have your info pics stored so check."
You need to click the option in your account settings that makes your profile not searchable and the filter that means only registered users can see it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He'd have to have access to fab , which ATM he doesn't .....no Internet . His own single profile I set up for him has now had password changed by me .
Thanks for all your advice guys and thankfully there's been no negativity directed my way ( although I probably deserve a little !!)
It's all been good advice so Thankyou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've done right in hiding your profile; if he does tell all like a slimy little toad then all anyone logging on can see if you is your small avatar pic which while delicious looking is not easily identifiable as you. You could quite easily just deny all knowledge with no proof at all.
Plus who is he going to tell? Any of your family and they'd probably just think he was being nasty and some would probably feel like giving him a kicking for good measure. Your friends? They'll more than likely either want to stay out of it or given a choice will side with you as you're the one who's kept her dignity and the moral high ground. A few may also surprisingly confide in you that they're curious about the scene too? Your work? Best thing to do is preempt it. Tell a few, possibly superiors that you've had a messy split from your ex and that he's spreading malicious hurtful lies about you in case he gets in touch. They won't ask for details so if he doesn't go squealing they'll be none the wiser. If he does they'll most likely dismiss his rumourmongering as horseshit.
The advice to block unverified users from making contact is a good one too. I'd probably also get in touch with meets you had on your old couples profile and make them aware of the situation. Then if he pops up on here again they're likely to best avoid and not verify him.
Then indulge in fucking whomsoever your heart desires, without worrying about the silly plum.
Chin up! 
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A friend of mine went exactly through the same scenario. She split from her husband and even though they had previously had a couples and her a singles profile, he threatened her with telling the courts when it came to the kids. She hid her profile and hasn't used it for over a year. It was a new one she had created but he still managed to find her, so perhaps a warning?
It worked out in the end, it was never mentioned and although she isn't active on here, I had been told he was making a new couples profile with a new girlfriend.
Hopefully your ex is all bluster. By mentioning your current and previous activities he is also showing as to what you both got upto. Hopefully he wouldn't like that, depends on how bitter he is and if it clouds his judgement.
Like my friend I hope it works for you! If you hide your profile, as far as I'm aware you can still message friends and browse. You just don't show up in searches. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Basically if you say anything it looks like you have done it
I would hide the verifications and the summary and then put a picture and say he must have made a fake profile . Do you know what I am not interested anymore  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From a legal perspective, and primarily thinking about civil law as my area of knowledge, your options are quite limited in that if he was to purely 'out' you as a swinger then nothing he has said is defamatory.
Even he did say something defamatory, it is fair to see that actions for defamation are really restricted to those who can afford it, with no disrespect intended. The law firms who run such cases are often at the higher end of the fee scale due the specialist and niche area of the work. You could spend thousands to secure a judgement against him and not get a penny. You could also possibly seek an injunction, but I am uncertain whether it would be granted and again would cost a lot.
If he harasses or blackmails you that is of course different.
In using this site we all rely on each others discretion as the embarrassment of being 'outed' works both ways. When person is no longer embarrassed it becomes dangerous |
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"Not a lot you can do really, any legal action will probably draw more attention to it in the end. Put a big fat 'fuck it' on the issue and if he tells people he tells them. So what will people find out? You enjoy sex? Big deal.
Sounds like he's hanging it over your head in a power trip, trying to force you to dance to his tune. Don't give him the power, tell him to do whatever he thinks he needs to do but at the end of the day it just makes him look like a sad twat, and it will to whoever he 'tells'.
Some men (and women) get pathetic like this on a break up, they should have a word with themselves."
You're not doing anything illegal and the people who matter won't judge you for it - plus, in outing you, he'll be outing himself.
You need to make it clear that his threats don't frighten you, otherwise he'll know how to control you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He'd have to have access to fab , which ATM he doesn't .....no Internet . His own single profile I set up for him has now had password changed by me .
"
He can log on and set up a new one using just a phone. Please don't believe you're safe because of this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all for your advice given . I'll just ride the storm, remain calm and deal with things as they happen ....
Did I say ride the storm ? Maybe that may include a few hot guys too along the way !!!! Lol  |
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"If he's that angry and bitter if he does say anything just say he made you do it? Throws the blame at him then :-0 "
I wouldn't bother. Just roll your eyes and say he's being pathetic. - That way you're not technically admitting or denying.  |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
Although you may be very worried about being outed, if he knows that he will know he has a hold of you. If you make home believe you don't care, or you have already told them, then you take that power away from him. |
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"Is there any legal route I can take to prevent him 'outing' me ? Answers on a post card please ! "
Probably not. If it was untrue then you could sue for libel. However if he says something which is true he is perfectly within his rights. It is just a bit cuntish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he's that angry and bitter if he does say anything just say he made you do it? Throws the blame at him then :-0
I wouldn't bother. Just roll your eyes and say he's being pathetic. - That way you're not technically admitting or denying. "
But just remember the Damage you two are causing the kids . Your arguments are not good
And the court take the women's side even if they accept the woman is poisoning the children against her ex
The embittered ex is something the courts see everyday of course it's the children's decision to not see the dad because it upsets their mum who is the primary care giver and the courts won't make them go
But do you really want to see your children feeling they have lost one parent and be scared of losing you to the point of lying and taking your side
Do you realise your children want two parents that don't argue
And this seort of shit always back fires in the end and you may both think your getting one up on each other . But all you are doing is making the courts say no contact with father
But what they are really saying is we as the courts are powerless to stop this mother emotionally abusing these kids and the only thing we can do is stop the kids seeing the dad and these children will grow up thinking their dad doesn't love them or want them
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"If he's that angry and bitter if he does say anything just say he made you do it? Throws the blame at him then :-0
I wouldn't bother. Just roll your eyes and say he's being pathetic. - That way you're not technically admitting or denying.
But just remember the Damage you two are causing the kids . Your arguments are not good
And the court take the women's side even if they accept the woman is poisoning the children against her ex
The embittered ex is something the courts see everyday of course it's the children's decision to not see the dad because it upsets their mum who is the primary care giver and the courts won't make them go
But do you really want to see your children feeling they have lost one parent and be scared of losing you to the point of lying and taking your side
Do you realise your children want two parents that don't argue
And this seort of shit always back fires in the end and you may both think your getting one up on each other . But all you are doing is making the courts say no contact with father
But what they are really saying is we as the courts are powerless to stop this mother emotionally abusing these kids and the only thing we can do is stop the kids seeing the dad and these children will grow up thinking their dad doesn't love them or want them
"
...I've seen no mention from the O.P about custody battles or stopping him seeing his kids? |
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Legal routes - if what he is saying is true so not libellous/slanderous - will be next to none.
There might be something if he was trying to cause economic rather than reputational harm but even then it would be quite hard if you had been semi-public about it. And possibly copyright issues if photos are involved.
You need proper qualified advice - rather than helpful people on here (I've a legal background but not fully qualified) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If he's that angry and bitter if he does say anything just say he made you do it? Throws the blame at him then :-0
I wouldn't bother. Just roll your eyes and say he's being pathetic. - That way you're not technically admitting or denying.
But just remember the Damage you two are causing the kids . Your arguments are not good
And the court take the women's side even if they accept the woman is poisoning the children against her ex
The embittered ex is something the courts see everyday of course it's the children's decision to not see the dad because it upsets their mum who is the primary care giver and the courts won't make them go
But do you really want to see your children feeling they have lost one parent and be scared of losing you to the point of lying and taking your side
Do you realise your children want two parents that don't argue
And this seort of shit always back fires in the end and you may both think your getting one up on each other . But all you are doing is making the courts say no contact with father
But what they are really saying is we as the courts are powerless to stop this mother emotionally abusing these kids and the only thing we can do is stop the kids seeing the dad and these children will grow up thinking their dad doesn't love them or want them
"
My kids are grown up and live away from home . They're my kids and he's not their dad . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's not bothered about his involvement . Threatening to 'out' me, he thinks will make me reconsider our future relationship . He actively encouraged my single profile. And now things are significantly less than hunky dory for him he's feeling incredibly angry and bitter . "
Now this actually makes a difference.
This is emotional blackmail - otherwise considered emotional ABUSE - and is now covered under domestic abuse laws and fully enforceable by the Police - in which case, I would suggest that you can inform him that if he doesn't back off with the threats, you will involve the boys in blue.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If he's that angry and bitter if he does say anything just say he made you do it? Throws the blame at him then :-0
I wouldn't bother. Just roll your eyes and say he's being pathetic. - That way you're not technically admitting or denying.
But just remember the Damage you two are causing the kids . Your arguments are not good
And the court take the women's side even if they accept the woman is poisoning the children against her ex
The embittered ex is something the courts see everyday of course it's the children's decision to not see the dad because it upsets their mum who is the primary care giver and the courts won't make them go
But do you really want to see your children feeling they have lost one parent and be scared of losing you to the point of lying and taking your side
Do you realise your children want two parents that don't argue
And this seort of shit always back fires in the end and you may both think your getting one up on each other . But all you are doing is making the courts say no contact with father
But what they are really saying is we as the courts are powerless to stop this mother emotionally abusing these kids and the only thing we can do is stop the kids seeing the dad and these children will grow up thinking their dad doesn't love them or want them
My kids are grown up and live away from home . They're my kids and he's not their dad . "
If he outs you, take a deep breath and hold your head high....
You havent done anything wrong apart from being abit more liberated about sex...
I know this is different..
But when I left my husband all sorts of shitty lies were put out and about..
It was hard going, but I held my head high because I didnt care what other people thought and I learned to be thick skinned...
The only people that matter are your friends and family...
Even if they are a little shocked, they,ll get over it because they love you xx |
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"Is there any legal route I can take to prevent him 'outing' me ? Answers on a post card please ! "
If he is telling the truth he is doing nothing illegal its not slanderous if its true so just live with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He sounds like a total nob sorry lol beat him to it tell a few people your on a site ect dont go too deep then drop it to him that everyone knows he will feel like a twat with no power and nothing els to do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He sounds like a total nob sorry lol beat him to it tell a few people your on a site ect dont go too deep then drop it to him that everyone knows he will feel like a twat with no power and nothing els to do "
I'm not sure about you but I think most people on this site don't want to tell family and friends they use it. I certainly don't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He sounds like a total nob sorry lol beat him to it tell a few people your on a site ect dont go too deep then drop it to him that everyone knows he will feel like a twat with no power and nothing els to do
I'm not sure about you but I think most people on this site don't want to tell family and friends they use it. I certainly don't. "
sounds like people will find out allready i would rather tell people and put a soften on the site than a bitter ex making it sound worse than it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He sounds like a total nob sorry lol beat him to it tell a few people your on a site ect dont go too deep then drop it to him that everyone knows he will feel like a twat with no power and nothing els to do
I'm not sure about you but I think most people on this site don't want to tell family and friends they use it. I certainly don't. sounds like people will find out allready i would rather tell people and put a soften on the site than a bitter ex making it sound worse than it is"
I don't think its certain he will go through with it but I get what you mean |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Is there any legal route I can take to prevent him 'outing' me ? Answers on a post card please ! "
Unless he blackmails you and/or unless swingers are a 'protected' category; nope
If he has stolen your photographs then you can report him to the Police
Injunctions are another route but expensive; take legal advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had the same problem with my ex. He found me on here 3 times. Messaged me once but I blocked him and put on my filters. Also set up a new profile. Maybe put your pics on private setting.
If things get out of hand then I would seek legal advice like others have suggested x |
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"Is there any legal route I can take to prevent him 'outing' me ? Answers on a post card please !
If he is telling the truth he is doing nothing illegal its not slanderous if its true so just live with it. "
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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago
Outskirts of Notts |
Sorry but I've not read all the answers you've had .
But my tuppence is if he does tell friends , family etc deny , deny . deny . Just claim he put your photo's up without your knowledge and you know nothing about the site .
If he's going to try to be a sneaky shit your going to play him at his own game .
Jo x
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Ah it's fine don't talk to home about it. If he brings up blackmail tell him "it's his problem not yours"
If he should tell anyone tell them "he didn't feel like a man as he had a teeny tiny penis and even Viagra didn't work and that he bullied you into it" and meanwhile you are enjoying big black cocks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ah it's fine don't talk to home about it. If he brings up blackmail tell him "it's his problem not yours"
If he should tell anyone tell them "he didn't feel like a man as he had a teeny tiny penis and even Viagra didn't work and that he bullied you into it" and meanwhile you are enjoying big black cocks. "
This all over, play him at his own game. Belittle him if he does this, put the emphasis on him as he wanted to try it as he always felt he didn't measure up and that now you've tried it, he didn't! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Agreed, listen to the voice of experience here.
Don't be ashamed of your sexuality, the people that will take offence will either be a, jealous or b, boring, either case they're not true friends so ditch them.
"If he's that angry and bitter if he does say anything just say he made you do it? Throws the blame at him then :-0
I wouldn't bother. Just roll your eyes and say he's being pathetic. - That way you're not technically admitting or denying.
But just remember the Damage you two are causing the kids . Your arguments are not good
And the court take the women's side even if they accept the woman is poisoning the children against her ex
The embittered ex is something the courts see everyday of course it's the children's decision to not see the dad because it upsets their mum who is the primary care giver and the courts won't make them go
But do you really want to see your children feeling they have lost one parent and be scared of losing you to the point of lying and taking your side
Do you realise your children want two parents that don't argue
And this seort of shit always back fires in the end and you may both think your getting one up on each other . But all you are doing is making the courts say no contact with father
But what they are really saying is we as the courts are powerless to stop this mother emotionally abusing these kids and the only thing we can do is stop the kids seeing the dad and these children will grow up thinking their dad doesn't love them or want them
My kids are grown up and live away from home . They're my kids and he's not their dad .
If he outs you, take a deep breath and hold your head high....
You havent done anything wrong apart from being abit more liberated about sex...
I know this is different..
But when I left my husband all sorts of shitty lies were put out and about..
It was hard going, but I held my head high because I didnt care what other people thought and I learned to be thick skinned...
The only people that matter are your friends and family...
Even if they are a little shocked, they,ll get over it because they love you xx"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have recently tweeked profile , name change , profile text and pics . I never meet with kids around. Just worried he'll expose me to family and friends . We had couples profile - now deleted .
If in doubt take everything off this profile and shelve it for a while. You can set up another one with an alternative email addy and use that for a while.
Don't forget to set your filters to limit who can look at your profile - if you haven't then non-registered people can see it without joining the site.
If he has any knowledge about fab it will take him just a few minutes to set up a profile to snoop. If you want to deny it you have to be sure it's plausible.
"
Filters don't stop people looking just contacting you... |
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You could always play him at his own game and say if he were to out you then you could tell him you'd tell all his male friends of his love for other men's cocks, especially big thick ones that made him scream!!!
Not too sure he'd want that as common knowledge x |
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You should definitely get some advice. There are several laws in place now to protect your personal information, photos, private life from mis-use on the internet. There is a new (ish) law which covers revenge porn. This means that those who use photos, screenshots, written information on a personal profile and threatens to use such information against someone, uses the information as their own or shares information can face upto 2 years in prison.
This happened to a friend of mine recently on here as some prick was using photos taken from her profile as her own and disclosing where she lived and worked. The police were involved as proof was provided and a warning was given. I personally would have preferred charges to be pressed under this Revenge Porn law. It's still a possibility as this person is still on here and has moments of being a threat.
What you are experiencing should come under the Revenge Porn law. Get some advice! xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I joined here after kicking my husband out..... the only trouble was he's a nosy fucker and went through my computerand copied some files... he only copied my fab profile... he saw everything pic...verification that were left.. he comforted me over the phone... my reply ... nothing happened while we were still together... the only trouble was he told my dad and my step daughter saw by accident.. looking over her dad shoulder... I hid my profile and admitted that yes I've enjoyed the company of more than a few gents.... but told them I closed it down.... |
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"If he outs you, just spread rumour that he has a tiny dick and couldn't satisfy you in bed. What a worm he must be. He needs to grow up."
Better still, if he is directing people to your profile just write on it that you were unfulfilled sexually in your marriage and that drove you here where you have since learnt that it wasn't down to you that the sex was dull. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst im somewhat sympathetic ie. You chose to carry on being here on a singles profile - whether that antagonised him thats not for us say we dont know the details of your relationship nor have we heard his side of the story. Legally theres not much you can do, I doubt the revenge porn law is relevant when the OP is admittedly active on here herself on her own profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Laws have been passed to prevent ex partners playing or showing video's and pictures of you that may be personal or embarrassing.
If you had £10,000 quid I believe you can gag people for over a year. loads of politicians did that and Andrew Marr to name but one. But they have the cash to lose.
Shut down your profile for a while and it would be worth asking WHY he was on here as well!? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ready those you are afraid he will tell,
"he makes making stupid threats that he is going to tell everyone that we where into swinging and stuff"
Then if he tells them they will just play to how you directed them,
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Make all your pics friends only, make yourself as unidentifiable as possible. Remember there is new legislation to deal with "revenge porn" being posted online, but if its already out there there's no protection for you. Blackmail however, is a crime. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he outs you take it in the chin. Deny you did anything and it was him that had developed a live of cock and you just met guys so he could be fucked lol.
Out him back.
Or say you oy started swinging as he knew he was no good in bed and couldn't satisfy you so he wanted to try swinging.
I'd fight fire with fire |
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