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Advice for autistic swingers?
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"Unfortunately we are to naive to autism to comment but I'm sure Google will help x " You would have thought, but unfortunately, Google is just not providing an answer I can relate to | |||
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Alternatively have a 15 inch black cock and look like one of them guys that crop up in conversation alot. lol
wish you all the best in the future | |||
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"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form " Indeed kittenxx, I in fact "only" have aspergers, which is "only" a mild form, but having it and having the history I do, it makes everything seem harder. Unfortunately, I don't even know where to begin in explaining what it is exactly I am expecting from this post. But it does make me feel better knowing that this post is here and it has generated interest | |||
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"speaking generally from quiet observation, i've found there is a subtle hierarchy... Couples are the top dogs ...and they go out and search for 'toys' to enhance their sex life. Single Females generally don't have issues, they are next in the hierarchy able to pick and choose from the dozens of messages i'm sure they receive. Then you have single guys, they have to put the effort in to become a familiar face around the place, they are subject to the whims of the couples and the females and generally (and im not saying all the time) they get little to no choice in what goes on. So, Autism aside, make a few posts here and there on the forums, people will begin to pick up on the regular nature of your posts and you'll find after a while that conversations begin to be a little more than 'evening'. youll see someone youve replied to in another post and simple ' oh look who it is' kinda things begin to build rapport. It is funny to watch the games, but if you are here and want to partake, sadly the subtle game has to be played ...
Alternatively have a 15 inch black cock and look like one of them guys that crop up in conversation alot. lol
wish you all the best in the future "Great post, and that was my conclusion also (not saying it's correct, just an opinion). As for the 15 inch black dick, while that may help, I find my 6 by 2 white one has been suitable thus far, but I appreciate the suggestion haha | |||
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"I'll answer some of your questions instead. People often don't reply to guys they aren't interested in, and even if they do they tend to not want to say why they aren't interested in case they offend the person who messaged them. So this is most likely the reason why you aren't getting replies, or the replies you want. You could add something to your messages asking people if they'd reply if rejecting you and be honest about why but this could be ignored. It might get you the result you want though. Best way to think of yourself as sexy is to think of your best points and the best you have to offer to people that you want to find you sexy. So say you have a full figure, you could call yourself busty (emphasising the big bust but ignoring the rest of the big stuff you feel isn't as attractive). Sorry for the female perspective here, it's all i could think of. "Hmm, I did try the requesting feedback approach several times over the years, but it has been as fruitful (if not less) as any other attempts, but closure would be nice. Then I would know if it's anything I can remedy or not. Any other outcome is better than nothing... Except maybe a hail of abuse lol, but there's a button for that. That response came up on Google, which, while it's a very good answer, it's not suitable for me because I actually don't like anything about my body, despite knowing that I'm slim, 6 foot and all the other statistics, other than being told I look young for my age and I have good choices in aftershave, I don't know what I personally like about me | |||
"My son also has aspergers. I've never really thought s out how he would cope in a swinging environment but I guess a club would probably be better than one on one meets. " My parents weren't exactly open about sex when I was growing up, they're very old fashioned as a couple. It works for them and they're happy, but I'm assuming (possibly incorrectly) that you're more open when discussing such things, and would be willing to talk about clubs with your son which might encourage him to try new things like I have. I hope that you can help him to embrace his sexual side as he grows up | |||
"Hmm, I did try the requesting feedback approach several times over the years, but it has been as fruitful (if not less) as any other attempts, but closure would be nice. Then I would know if it's anything I can remedy or not. Any other outcome is better than nothing... Except maybe a hail of abuse lol, but there's a button for that. That response came up on Google, which, while it's a very good answer, it's not suitable for me because I actually don't like anything about my body, despite knowing that I'm slim, 6 foot and all the other statistics, other than being told I look young for my age and I have good choices in aftershave, I don't know what I personally like about me" My last bit of advice might have been rubbish actually, just remembered a topic on here where one frequent user made a topic and a lot of women were saying they only post pics of their best attributes and then point out to guys who message them that they aren't as good looking at their pics so yeah concentrating on your 'best points' doesn't work now i think about it. Which their was nothing wrong with these women, just their confidence wasn't built up that way either. Dunno how to get more confident really about yourself. I don't really care what anyone else thinks about my appearance, but i do have regular people meeting me so they are validating i'm sexy in a way. You could try and find out what attributes women find sexy and see which of those apply to you? But even then everyone's idea of sexy is different but i know for certain you will have some attributes that some find sexy.  | |||
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"My son has aspergers too. His confidence is forced a lot of the time and over compensates for his mis reading of social interactions. I worry over what will happen when it comes to dating etc. I can understand it must be very frustrating for you. However your experiences on here are similar to most men even without having autism. I'd suggest that you use the forums to get your name known. And take it from there. Well done on going to clubs and actually having the courage to ask. It's more than a lot of us would do Lastly don't be afraid to be yourself. X " Yes, I completely relate with that. I tend to become overly apologetic if I make a faux pas, but after talking with a few friends, I have started to curb that tendency as it tended to take me places I'd rather not revisit. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to help your son understand the significance of overcompensating, because, especially if he's similar to me, he will understand that you're trying to help him, but he won't understand why, and the why is the important part that motivated me. I'm sorry if that statement is confusing, it's really hard to put feelings into words. Thank you for your support, and to everyone else who has commented, whilst the general consensus seems to be to carry on as I am, it's nice to have had feedback and comments which have made me feel better. I hope that in seeing that someone with autism can achieve the things they desire has given those of you who are their parents hope and, I don't know a thing about raising kids, but that you care and got involved in this forum shows you care, and maybe that's enough. | |||
"Hmm, I did try the requesting feedback approach several times over the years, but it has been as fruitful (if not less) as any other attempts, but closure would be nice. Then I would know if it's anything I can remedy or not. Any other outcome is better than nothing... Except maybe a hail of abuse lol, but there's a button for that. That response came up on Google, which, while it's a very good answer, it's not suitable for me because I actually don't like anything about my body, despite knowing that I'm slim, 6 foot and all the other statistics, other than being told I look young for my age and I have good choices in aftershave, I don't know what I personally like about me My last bit of advice might have been rubbish actually, just remembered a topic on here where one frequent user made a topic and a lot of women were saying they only post pics of their best attributes and then point out to guys who message them that they aren't as good looking at their pics so yeah concentrating on your 'best points' doesn't work now i think about it. Which their was nothing wrong with these women, just their confidence wasn't built up that way either. Dunno how to get more confident really about yourself. I don't really care what anyone else thinks about my appearance, but i do have regular people meeting me so they are validating i'm sexy in a way. You could try and find out what attributes women find sexy and see which of those apply to you? But even then everyone's idea of sexy is different but i know for certain you will have some attributes that some find sexy. "It is only in the past few months to a year that I have started shaving daily, and in the past 2-3 years I've started using aftershave. I didn't see the point and didn't think it mattered until I realised that it changed how I think of me. Women notice nice smelling guys in a better way and beards aren't a ladies best friend, especially if they're scratchy, but it took me a long time to apply this. As for attributes people find sexy, I'm not overly toned, but I do work out, I know I'm average sized, the women I have been with have seemed satisfied (my tongue gets good reviews as well, but my fingers are hit and miss, possibly because I play guitar, the callouses can be coarse on sensitive areas). Also, because I'm conscientious autistic, I tend to be polite and well spoken, but I also fade into the background when the conversations are fast paced which is not going to make me stand out from the rest. | |||
"You're doing nothing wrong. You appear to be more socially aware than a great many men on here. Don't overthink the situation. You're meeting people which is good. Keep doing what you have been doing. "
OP: your diagnosis does not define you. Your past does not define you. No syndrome, disorder or random collection of letters define you.
Having met you, I can vouch you are polite, considerate, generous, respectful and confident. I cannot tell you about sexiness, since I don't understand male sexiness either: the only thing sexy about me is my wife.
Your lack of replies is simply down to odds and statistics, there is no magic formula, and I doubt it is because of any perceived flaw in your character. If it helps, I don't think we have had a single meet from any pm we have sent either, (though granted, being a couple, it is easier for us because we can respond to those who pm us)
So my advice would be don't overthink things, don't look for order or logic when dealing with human emotions, and simply enjoy the good times.
But remember, don't let it define you. Autism Spectrum Disorders are more common than many people like to admit, and the vast majority of people come to terms with the minor differences in their character and compensate in other ways.
Mr ddc
(Ps I'm not really on the forums at the mo, so I'll pm you later too) | |||
"You're doing nothing wrong. You appear to be more socially aware than a great many men on here. Don't overthink the situation. You're meeting people which is good. Keep doing what you have been doing.
OP: your diagnosis does not define you. Your past does not define you. No syndrome, disorder or random collection of letters define you.
Having met you, I can vouch you are polite, considerate, generous, respectful and confident. I cannot tell you about sexiness, since I don't understand male sexiness either: the only thing sexy about me is my wife.
Your lack of replies is simply down to odds and statistics, there is no magic formula, and I doubt it is because of any perceived flaw in your character. If it helps, I don't think we have had a single meet from any pm we have sent either, (though granted, being a couple, it is easier for us because we can respond to those who pm us)
So my advice would be don't overthink things, don't look for order or logic when dealing with human emotions, and simply enjoy the good times.
But remember, don't let it define you. Autism Spectrum Disorders are more common than many people like to admit, and the vast majority of people come to terms with the minor differences in their character and compensate in other ways.
Mr ddc
(Ps I'm not really on the forums at the mo, so I'll pm you later too)"Thank you Mr DDC, That means a lot coming from you because you and Mrs DDC are a lovely couple who I have had the pleasure to meet. That's not saying I don't appreciate the advice and support of everyone else on this thread, they are also great people and have been very helpful and supportive. I do try not to analyse and try to find reason, but it does feel really good talking about it in the forum and getting responses because that has calmed a voice that has been nearly screaming for the best part of my adult life (the joys of autism and online dating) | |||
"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form " Not necessarily so. People with Aspergers, or level one autism are generally very intelligent. Level 3, as described by the DSMV are generally in need of a lot of care, and is what most people associate with the tern autism | |||
"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form Not necessarily so. People with Aspergers, or level one autism are generally very intelligent. Level 3, as described by the DSMV are generally in need of a lot of care, and is what most people associate with the tern autism" Don't tell my boss I could be intelligent hahaha  ruin my image that would  | |||
"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form Not necessarily so. People with Aspergers, or level one autism are generally very intelligent. Level 3, as described by the DSMV are generally in need of a lot of care, and is what most people associate with the tern autism" On a more serious note though, it is true, and levels 2 and 3 are much more likely to be heard about and seen because they are very unique, but where I am on the spectrum, people don't realise I have it; I am independent and socially active... That is not what people expect from someone with autism | |||
"It is only in the past few months to a year that I have started shaving daily, and in the past 2-3 years I've started using aftershave. I didn't see the point and didn't think it mattered until I realised that it changed how I think of me. Women notice nice smelling guys in a better way and beards aren't a ladies best friend, especially if they're scratchy, but it took me a long time to apply this. As for attributes people find sexy, I'm not overly toned, but I do work out, I know I'm average sized, the women I have been with have seemed satisfied (my tongue gets good reviews as well, but my fingers are hit and miss, possibly because I play guitar, the callouses can be coarse on sensitive areas). Also, because I'm conscientious autistic, I tend to be polite and well spoken, but I also fade into the background when the conversations are fast paced which is not going to make me stand out from the rest." Women on here aren't going to know what you smell like, but i did notice you got a suit on (or something like that, smart looking anyway). So as well as smelling nice you also make an effort with your appearance (this is obvious) and people do appreciate that. And you've got good 'reviews' so you do have enough good points because others have found you sexy already. I've only been to a club once and it was good that it was quiet and relaxing, people left me alone if i sat on my own to take everything in and figure out what i wanted to do and i did like this. Am not into socialising in big numbers either as i feel it's too much information to take in most of the time, or keep up with, but i think you'll figure out some way to deal with this, might be that you find other people who like to socialise only with a select few people, or like one on one chats, or that you figure a way to make yourself stand out in the bigger conversations - don't know which you'd want to do (if any), because you've dealt with a few other things already. I hope DDC has some better advice for you, especially as you've met them. Sorry i went on a bit and don't even think any of it helped haha. | |||
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"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form Indeed kittenxx, I in fact "only" have aspergers, which is "only" a mild form, but having it and having the history I do, it makes everything seem harder. Unfortunately, I don't even know where to begin in explaining what it is exactly I am expecting from this post. But it does make me feel better knowing that this post is here and it has generated interest" as a dad to 1 child with autism and 2 step sons with autism, I know a lot of the challenges it brings, OP good response to kitten with her stupid comment, clearly she knows nothing about autism and the different parts of the spectrum. | |||
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"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form Indeed kittenxx, I in fact "only" have aspergers, which is "only" a mild form, but having it and having the history I do, it makes everything seem harder. Unfortunately, I don't even know where to begin in explaining what it is exactly I am expecting from this post. But it does make me feel better knowing that this post is here and it has generated interest as a dad to 1 child with autism and 2 step sons with autism, I know a lot of the challenges it brings, OP good response to kitten with her stupid comment, clearly she knows nothing about autism and the different parts of the spectrum." Sorry to be picky, but I don't think her comment was "stupid" and while it may look like I treated it as such, I did not intend to put anyone down because her experience is not the same as our experience of autism. So while to us it may seem insensitive and "stupid" to her it was a reasonable comment, and I tried to treat it as such. The emphasis on the only parts were not me making fun of her, but picking at the bull I've been fed on occasions about letting it hold me back. Sorry to rant, but I am of the opinion that this statement of yours was unnecessarily harsh to someone who might have had good intentions | |||
"On a serious note, what makes you think women believe we are sexy? It's only because society has told us that women are more sexy than men that we believe this. Men are as inherently sexy as women because we are just all human beings. someone just decided on our birth certificate that half of us are women and half of us are men." Sorry to be picky wasphunter, but it's not on our birth certificate that that is determined, however, you do make an excellent point, if a man shares a dickpic, he will be told to "put it away, noone wants to see that" but a lot of women share photos of cleavage on the majority of dating sites and social media, and a lot of people become drooly zombies (I'm one of them haha) so, I see your point about it all being determined by the happy chromosome whether we are classified as sexy or not by the world, and you are also correct that in being human, we are all inherently capable of sexiness (otherwise, we wouldn't have male models) | |||
"It is only in the past few months to a year that I have started shaving daily, and in the past 2-3 years I've started using aftershave. I didn't see the point and didn't think it mattered until I realised that it changed how I think of me. Women notice nice smelling guys in a better way and beards aren't a ladies best friend, especially if they're scratchy, but it took me a long time to apply this. As for attributes people find sexy, I'm not overly toned, but I do work out, I know I'm average sized, the women I have been with have seemed satisfied (my tongue gets good reviews as well, but my fingers are hit and miss, possibly because I play guitar, the callouses can be coarse on sensitive areas). Also, because I'm conscientious autistic, I tend to be polite and well spoken, but I also fade into the background when the conversations are fast paced which is not going to make me stand out from the rest. Women on here aren't going to know what you smell like, but i did notice you got a suit on (or something like that, smart looking anyway). So as well as smelling nice you also make an effort with your appearance (this is obvious) and people do appreciate that. And you've got good 'reviews' so you do have enough good points because others have found you sexy already. I've only been to a club once and it was good that it was quiet and relaxing, people left me alone if i sat on my own to take everything in and figure out what i wanted to do and i did like this. Am not into socialising in big numbers either as i feel it's too much information to take in most of the time, or keep up with, but i think you'll figure out some way to deal with this, might be that you find other people who like to socialise only with a select few people, or like one on one chats, or that you figure a way to make yourself stand out in the bigger conversations - don't know which you'd want to do (if any), because you've dealt with a few other things already. I hope DDC has some better advice for you, especially as you've met them. Sorry i went on a bit and don't even think any of it helped haha. " All the advice and guidance I have received has been immensely useful, so don't berate what you have taken the time to say, because I have taken it on board as guidance. Yes, I do enjoy looking my best, it's hard to believe that only 5-6 years ago, I would not shave, didn't see the point in regular showering, didn't use aftershave, and wore clothes a couple of sizes too big. It's really hard to look back and remember why I did such things, but I'm glad I made changes because I feel much sexier knowing I've made an effort | |||
"Hi Steven. Firstly, I'd say that you're very brave to put your self in the limelight in this way. I find people are often much more concerned by The Label than the reality. On the point of messages, I would say this. Many people will receive your message (or any message) and rather than dealing with the message as a single entity, they will visit your profile. After looking through your profile text, pictures and verifications, they will decide whether they want to reply. They may not have even read the message if they didn't like your profile. So, don't worry too much if your messages are ignored. We can't appeal to everyone, it's a percentage game. Make your profile as good as you can make it, play to your strengths and don't worry about the ones who don't want to meet, they're just a waste of your energy." Thank you CalandNita for reading my profile before replying, and thank you for saying such nice things. I felt a need to emphasise my autism in the post because Google tends to provide answers from DR's about how to cope with autism rather than people with autism or who know people with autism, and swinging is just a dead zone for advice because most people just respond with "if you're unsure or uncomfortable, don't do it" which is not helpful because I want to push my boundaries and DR's tend to skit around this subject anyway, so I felt it needed to have the autism slant because it's a blank sheet practically, ready to be filled with insightful comments. As for the messages, I've noticed that some people will look at my profile after I have sent a message, and that makes sense, I generally conclude that they looked and assessed I wasn't right for them, there's a process I can understand, it's the ones where it is just deleting the message (especially if it was a decent message) that I just can't understand. It would probably be easier if the website didn't say read or deleted, but I don't think it would, because if it's read but not deleted, I can convince myself that they haven't completely written me off as a lost cause lol | |||
"So proud of you coming forward with this. Keep going to clubs, it works for you. My son is 18 and has aspergers too. He is on here also, for the time being he is just reading forums and taking tips from here. Its great to see peoples replys too. Good luck and keep enjoying yourself and please do not overthinkthings or take some negative things to heart. Anyone you had a bad reply from for example just delite and move on. Keep safe xxxx " Thank you, and good luck to your son, it sounds like he is taking things at his own pace, which is good and he's trying this website out which is also very positive sounding. The amount of support here has been tremendous and I was pleasantly surprised by how forthcoming everyone who has replied has been, and don't worry, I know where the delete button is should things get sketchy haha. Best wishes to you and your son xxx | |||
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"If people delete your messages whether or not they have read them or looked at your profile, imagine they have said "thanks for your message, we'd love to meet but can't at the moment but when we can, we will contact you, so don't contact us again until we do" Don't worry about things you have no control or influence over. Makes life easier." That sounds like a good idea, much better than feeling discarded like a used condom lol. I try not to let things I can't control get the better of me, but that's more a human trait than autistic haha. Thank you for the kind words everyone | |||
"On a serious note, what makes you think women believe we are sexy? It's only because society has told us that women are more sexy than men that we believe this. Men are as inherently sexy as women because we are just all human beings. someone just decided on our birth certificate that half of us are women and half of us are men. Sorry to be picky wasphunter, but it's not on our birth certificate that that is determined, however, you do make an excellent point, if a man shares a dickpic, he will be told to "put it away, noone wants to see that" but a lot of women share photos of cleavage on the majority of dating sites and social media, and a lot of people become drooly zombies (I'm one of them haha) so, I see your point about it all being determined by the happy chromosome whether we are classified as sexy or not by the world, and you are also correct that in being human, we are all inherently capable of sexiness (otherwise, we wouldn't have male models)" RE the first point - it is indeed decided on our birth certificate what we are. There is no simple test to decide if someone is male or female. You can have a penis with female chromosomes or a vagina with male chromosomes for example. You might even by a 'woman' by your genetic makeup, but something during your growth in the uterus made you come out as a recognisable 'male'. Personally I really like penis pictures. I find men very sexy. I take sexy pictures of men as part of my living. I also understand that society has kept women 'in a box' for so many years (centuries in fact) by regulating them sexuality and forcing them to be judged on their looks. When I look at myself, I don't find myself sexy. I'm just a human with bits that some other people might find sexy. I don't personally find breasts attractive for example, but I know that many people do. To me they're just excess globs of fat that are a signal that woman is capable of feeding children. Since I'm not interested in rearing children, I have no interest in breasts. Just an example. (And I'm *mostly* a lesbian, so it's not even like I don't find women attractive). But honestly, nothing in your original post is specific to autism as far as I can tell. So don't let your autism define you, because you're just asking the same questions that lots of the rest of us do. | |||
"So proud of you coming forward with this. Keep going to clubs, it works for you. My son is 18 and has aspergers too. He is on here also, for the time being he is just reading forums and taking tips from here. Its great to see peoples replys too. Good luck and keep enjoying yourself and please do not overthinkthings or take some negative things to heart. Anyone you had a bad reply from for example just delite and move on. Keep safe xxxx Thank you, and good luck to your son, it sounds like he is taking things at his own pace, which is good and he's trying this website out which is also very positive sounding. The amount of support here has been tremendous and I was pleasantly surprised by how forthcoming everyone who has replied has been, and don't worry, I know where the delete button is should things get sketchy haha. Best wishes to you and your son xxx" You are such a lovely, gentleman. you too and pm me anytime. Just enjoy life! Do what makes you happy    xxxx | |||
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"On a serious note, what makes you think women believe we are sexy? It's only because society has told us that women are more sexy than men that we believe this. Men are as inherently sexy as women because we are just all human beings. someone just decided on our birth certificate that half of us are women and half of us are men. Sorry to be picky wasphunter, but it's not on our birth certificate that that is determined, however, you do make an excellent point, if a man shares a dickpic, he will be told to "put it away, noone wants to see that" but a lot of women share photos of cleavage on the majority of dating sites and social media, and a lot of people become drooly zombies (I'm one of them haha) so, I see your point about it all being determined by the happy chromosome whether we are classified as sexy or not by the world, and you are also correct that in being human, we are all inherently capable of sexiness (otherwise, we wouldn't have male models) RE the first point - it is indeed decided on our birth certificate what we are. There is no simple test to decide if someone is male or female. You can have a penis with female chromosomes or a vagina with male chromosomes for example. You might even by a 'woman' by your genetic makeup, but something during your growth in the uterus made you come out as a recognisable 'male'. Personally I really like penis pictures. I find men very sexy. I take sexy pictures of men as part of my living. I also understand that society has kept women 'in a box' for so many years (centuries in fact) by regulating them sexuality and forcing them to be judged on their looks. When I look at myself, I don't find myself sexy. I'm just a human with bits that some other people might find sexy. I don't personally find breasts attractive for example, but I know that many people do. To me they're just excess globs of fat that are a signal that woman is capable of feeding children. Since I'm not interested in rearing children, I have no interest in breasts. Just an example. (And I'm *mostly* a lesbian, so it's not even like I don't find women attractive). But honestly, nothing in your original post is specific to autism as far as I can tell. So don't let your autism define you, because you're just asking the same questions that lots of the rest of us do. " That's a very good point actually, I didn't think of it that way. And yes, personal preferences are differing, I'm always questioning whether what I believe is what I believe, or what I've been told to believe by society, just to assess where I stand in the world. I like that you're open about not enjoying the female body in its entirety, despite being (mostly) lesbian. I find that intriguing. The questions in and of themselves are not related to autism, the underlying aspects of what they mean to me and how I interpret the responses, and indeed, how people responded to the questions, is where the autism aspects lie, not in the full flow, but undercurrents. | |||
"It's strange really that we focus on what it pointed out as our flaws or bad points more then out good points. When none of it really matters because someone out there will find us attractive for what we are. But thanks for replying, i'd say your social skills are pretty good, just off this topic i'm basing that on." That's the animal instinct I think. A guy once used the analogy, "we are more likely to mistake a beige rock for a lion than a lion for a beige rock" because that was how we survived before civilisation, and in it's way, we are always going to see the worst in preference to the best, but being social animals, we tend to see the best in others at the expense of the worst (in some occasions). That probably makes no sense anywhere other than in my head lol | |||
"So proud of you coming forward with this. Keep going to clubs, it works for you. My son is 18 and has aspergers too. He is on here also, for the time being he is just reading forums and taking tips from here. Its great to see peoples replys too. Good luck and keep enjoying yourself and please do not overthinkthings or take some negative things to heart. Anyone you had a bad reply from for example just delite and move on. Keep safe xxxx Thank you, and good luck to your son, it sounds like he is taking things at his own pace, which is good and he's trying this website out which is also very positive sounding. The amount of support here has been tremendous and I was pleasantly surprised by how forthcoming everyone who has replied has been, and don't worry, I know where the delete button is should things get sketchy haha. Best wishes to you and your son xxx You are such a lovely, gentleman. you too and pm me anytime. Just enjoy life! Do what makes you happy xxxx "Why thank you, I think I will pm you because you seem very pleasant. I will do, the same to you and your son x | |||
"You're definitely over thinking it but I do the same. I'm can struggle with social & communication stuff. I actually find the swinging and fetish scene really easy. Much easier than vanilla environments. I find that me having no filter is more accepted and less shocking in clubs and I can chatter more freely about anything. I find particular men, are more responsive to me just clearly saying what I want or need. I'm not suggesting others are game players but I don't have that ability really. I'm just direct and open and it works well. Not that this helps you much. I suppose I'm just as responsive to people saying to me... I would like x,y and z from you, without the guessing games inbetween. I struggle a bit with taking things literally but that's more relationship side of stuff. And can also be difficult with written communication. For straightforward swinging, a club environment works. If you struggle to read cues from people, then just bluntly ask. Ask to join, ask to watch. I've not had chance to read any of the comments on this thread yet but I'm it responding to your OP. I think you'll find it easier in a club. I can breeze it in a club. I don't think many would pick up on my traits. But put me in a pub with a group of friends and I'm all kinds of awkward. Don't feel disheartened about struggling with meets and I wouldn't necessarily attribute it to any difficulties in communicating. Just remember that you're a single man on here and that's a bit of a battle in itself. You've had the balls though to venture to a club. If it's play you want, then try a greedy girl style event where the focus is more primal, sexual, and flirting and chatting aren't really wanted. Or maybe try a social event where you'll get a chance to to talk and mingle, if you're comfortable to do so, without pressure of play. Fetish mixed with swinging events are good. I'm trying so hard to think of a way to word this without offending people but... The fetish crowd are maybe more accepting of quirky behaviour? That's been my experience anyway. Not that I'm saying you're quirky. I'm quirky and seem to fit right in there. " I'm sorry I missed replying to your message, I meant to. I enjoy watching some of my friends who are into fetish, it's always a head turning experience, and quirky is a good word for it. I am definitely quirky, but in my limited experience, swinging is very chilled in comparison to vanilla, and fetishers do seem more accepting than some of the swinging crowd. I've never been to a greedy girls night, but I am planning on visiting one because it sounds interesting, as does a fetish event. I'm not really interested from a sexual point on fetish, it's just fascinating seeing the things people do to each other and still get enjoyment from. I get so apologetic if I cause too much pain, so it's not for me I don't think, but I don't know if I'll change my mind someday. Thank you for your great message, I'd write more, but my phone's about to die. I hope to chat some more sometime. | |||
"As for the messages, I've noticed that some people will look at my profile after I have sent a message, and that makes sense, I generally conclude that they looked and assessed I wasn't right for them, there's a process I can understand, it's the ones where it is just deleting the message (especially if it was a decent message) that I just can't understand. " Many of us have it set to not show that we have visited peoples profiles. So they most likely did look at your profile, it just doesn't show in your interface that they did. | |||
" I enjoy watching some of my friends who are into fetish, it's always a head turning experience, and quirky is a good word for it. I am definitely quirky, but in my limited experience, swinging is very chilled in comparison to vanilla, and fetishers do seem more accepting than some of the swinging crowd. I've never been to a greedy girls night, but I am planning on visiting one because it sounds interesting, as does a fetish event. I'm not really interested from a sexual point on fetish, it's just fascinating seeing the things people do to each other and still get enjoyment from. I get so apologetic if I cause too much pain, so it's not for me I don't think, but I don't know if I'll change my mind someday. Thank you for your great message, I'd write more, but my phone's about to die. I hope to chat some more sometime." Just as an aside - many of us fetishists don't like people at fetish clubs who are not fetishists themselves. We're not there for people to watch and examine, we're there to have fun. Most clubs don't have the same kind of voyeurism thing that swingers clubs have going on. Generally fetish clubs aren't about 'watching', they're about 'doing'. | |||
"As for the messages, I've noticed that some people will look at my profile after I have sent a message, and that makes sense, I generally conclude that they looked and assessed I wasn't right for them, there's a process I can understand, it's the ones where it is just deleting the message (especially if it was a decent message) that I just can't understand. Many of us have it set to not show that we have visited peoples profiles. So they most likely did look at your profile, it just doesn't show in your interface that they did." Oh, OK, that's confusing haha. Feel like a knob now | |||
" I enjoy watching some of my friends who are into fetish, it's always a head turning experience, and quirky is a good word for it. I am definitely quirky, but in my limited experience, swinging is very chilled in comparison to vanilla, and fetishers do seem more accepting than some of the swinging crowd. I've never been to a greedy girls night, but I am planning on visiting one because it sounds interesting, as does a fetish event. I'm not really interested from a sexual point on fetish, it's just fascinating seeing the things people do to each other and still get enjoyment from. I get so apologetic if I cause too much pain, so it's not for me I don't think, but I don't know if I'll change my mind someday. Thank you for your great message, I'd write more, but my phone's about to die. I hope to chat some more sometime. Just as an aside - many of us fetishists don't like people at fetish clubs who are not fetishists themselves. We're not there for people to watch and examine, we're there to have fun. Most clubs don't have the same kind of voyeurism thing that swingers clubs have going on. Generally fetish clubs aren't about 'watching', they're about 'doing'." Oops, I guess I have a lot to learn. I can see why it is that way, but it also makes sense to let people watch so they can get into it in their own time rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Thank you for letting me know about that, it's useful to know. | |||
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" I can see why it is that way, but it also makes sense to let people watch so they can get into it in their own time rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Thank you for letting me know about that, it's useful to know." People usually 'get into it' at home in bed with one of their partners. Going to a fetish club when you've never done kink before is a bit like going to a swingers club when you've never has sex before. Clubs like Xtasia do encourage swingers and fetishists to mingle in the bar until 10pm though so questions can be asked, but personally I wouldn't ever play in front of people who didn't understand. Last time that happened my partner was accused very publicly of domestic violence because he pushed me over, punched me in the stomach and knelt on my head. So now we won't play in front of people who aren't into BDSM themselves. There's just too much risk of our playtime being spoiled. | |||
" I can see why it is that way, but it also makes sense to let people watch so they can get into it in their own time rather than being thrown in at the deep end. Thank you for letting me know about that, it's useful to know. People usually 'get into it' at home in bed with one of their partners. Going to a fetish club when you've never done kink before is a bit like going to a swingers club when you've never has sex before. Clubs like Xtasia do encourage swingers and fetishists to mingle in the bar until 10pm though so questions can be asked, but personally I wouldn't ever play in front of people who didn't understand. Last time that happened my partner was accused very publicly of domestic violence because he pushed me over, punched me in the stomach and knelt on my head. So now we won't play in front of people who aren't into BDSM themselves. There's just too much risk of our playtime being spoiled." I can see how that experience will make you wary of newcomers. Sorry to hear that someone accused your partner like that. I think I'm not ready for seeing that kind of level of bdsm, that would be interesting to talk about afterwards to gain alternative perspectives, which I think is more what I'd be likely to do on my first visit to a bdsm club (if I decided to go) | |||
"I was going to add my 2pennorth but as you have had 4 verifciations this month I'd suggest you just keep doing what you have been! My experience of fetish events is slightly different from the above (which may be because I move in different circles) in that people who are curious are OK if they are respectful. The keys are don't interupt scenes or be distracting by chatting within earshot and if you want to chat to people afterwards - just to say how much you enjoyed what they were doing, what they were using, where they get things from then given them a good while to recover as the sub will often need a fair amount of time to come down or out or whereever he or she has gone to mentally. Generally if people have been playing openly they will like the fact that people enjoy the dynamic they have created - what is different from the swinging scene is that open play is almost never an indication that others will be asked or welcome to join in. That said that's what I've found from places I go. Others may be different!" I can understand open play being less likely in a bdsm club, inviting someone you don't know and doesn't know you to join into a scene can be dangerous because they don't know your limits and you don't know what they're capable of, whereas in a swinger's club, it's a bit more straightforward and simple. I'm probably not ready for watching a lot of what might happen in a bdsm club, so if I visit one, as you rightly suggested, it would be better for me to make it more of a social when the sub has come down (if in fact, they do before they leave) | |||
"speaking generally from quiet observation, i've found there is a subtle hierarchy... Couples are the top dogs Alternatively have a 15 inch black cock and look like one of them guys that crop up in conversation alot. lol wish you all the best in the future "No the single fems have first pick But as the new Ted film says you are never more than two clicks away from big black cocks on the Internet. | |||
"speaking generally from quiet observation, i've found there is a subtle hierarchy... Couples are the top dogs Alternatively have a 15 inch black cock and look like one of them guys that crop up in conversation alot. lol wish you all the best in the future
No the single fems have first pick
But as the new Ted film says you are never more than two clicks away from big black cocks on the Internet. "Couple's with bi Mrs are third according to the forums. The elusive single bi female is number one most sought after. So need to watch Ted 2, sounds awesome | |||
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"Hi, The title may be off putting for most people, but I'm sure I can't be the only autistic person interested in swinging. I have some points (I originally typed questions, but on reading them, there's no question... Oopsy haha); I'd like some guidance if possible, but if none is available, that's fine too. First point, concerning messages on here (and not just here, I have used dating websites, mostly without much to show from them) I have had no successful meets from messaging users about meets. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if in fact, I am doing anything wrong. I mostly send unique messages tailored to the profile I'm looking at, these are the ones that confuse me with instant deletion. The ones where I reread and think "did I really send something so stupid?" I know why that's been deleted. Second, I like going to the Attic, I've been twice, and the atmosphere is chilled, and I like that being in a sex club kinda relaxes me because I am conscious of the fact I can just ask to join in something that's going on, which is so much simpler on the autism than going out and hoping to read the signals that are tricky for me to interpret. Final point, thinking of myself as sexy, how the heck is a straight guy, supposed to think of himself as sexy? The lack of responses I get from here and other online dating kinda makes me feel unappreciated, especially if I made the effort to tailor a message, and the most common advice on how to get over that feeling is to think sexy, but think of yourself as sexy, which just doesn't compute with me. I think doing more in terms of voyeurism will help, but I think I need an initial leg up to feel comfortable doing that. Anyway, I think that's it for now. I would appreciate feedback, opinions, ideas, anything that's helpful basically. Kind regards Mistermistermac" I don't have time to read through all the responses but has anyone else noticed/mentioned that you've only been here 4 weeks? You may not have actually swung yet but the fact you have met anyone at all (albeit in a club) is much better than a lot of single men do in their first month on the site. The key is perseverance. Good luck! | |||
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"Hmm, I did try the requesting feedback approach several times over the years, but it has been as fruitful (if not less) as any other attempts, but closure would be nice. Then I would know if it's anything I can remedy or not. Any other outcome is better than nothing... Except maybe a hail of abuse lol, but there's a button for that. That response came up on Google, which, while it's a very good answer, it's not suitable for me because I actually don't like anything about my body, despite knowing that I'm slim, 6 foot and all the other statistics, other than being told I look young for my age and I have good choices in aftershave, I don't know what I personally like about me My last bit of advice might have been rubbish actually, just remembered a topic on here where one frequent user made a topic and a lot of women were saying they only post pics of their best attributes and then point out to guys who message them that they aren't as good looking at their pics so yeah concentrating on your 'best points' doesn't work now i think about it. Which their was nothing wrong with these women, just their confidence wasn't built up that way either. Dunno how to get more confident really about yourself. I don't really care what anyone else thinks about my appearance, but i do have regular people meeting me so they are validating i'm sexy in a way. You could try and find out what attributes women find sexy and see which of those apply to you? But even then everyone's idea of sexy is different but i know for certain you will have some attributes that some find sexy.
It is only in the past few months to a year that I have started shaving daily, and in the past 2-3 years I've started using aftershave. I didn't see the point and didn't think it mattered until I realised that it changed how I think of me. Women notice nice smelling guys in a better way and beards aren't a ladies best friend, especially if they're scratchy, but it took me a long time to apply this.
As for attributes people find sexy, I'm not overly toned, but I do work out, I know I'm average sized, the women I have been with have seemed satisfied (my tongue gets good reviews as well, but my fingers are hit and miss, possibly because I play guitar, the callouses can be coarse on sensitive areas). Also, because I'm conscientious autistic, I tend to be polite and well spoken, but I also fade into the background when the conversations are fast paced which is not going to make me stand out from the rest."Hello! I'm not Autistic but I know what you mean about fast paced conversations, and trying to stand out. I used to be the one right in the middle, miss centre of attention when I was younger but now I like to watch people and how they react, what makes them tick. It can be frustrating too, when you finally get an awesome comment together and you unleash your joke or witticism only to be met with blank faces! As for feeling sexy, that's something that needs to come from within. I had a break up middle of June which shock my confidence no end, and I haven't been able to feel at all hot or interesting or sexy, (except like two whole times) but I know the clothes that make me look good and make up I like and I know that I have 'somethin' that people will find attractive. Also our culture and this website is tricky, in terms of gauging reactions, etc. Good luck though! X | |||
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"Hmm, I did try the requesting feedback approach several times over the years, but it has been as fruitful (if not less) as any other attempts, but closure would be nice. Then I would know if it's anything I can remedy or not. Any other outcome is better than nothing... Except maybe a hail of abuse lol, but there's a button for that. That response came up on Google, which, while it's a very good answer, it's not suitable for me because I actually don't like anything about my body, despite knowing that I'm slim, 6 foot and all the other statistics, other than being told I look young for my age and I have good choices in aftershave, I don't know what I personally like about me My last bit of advice might have been rubbish actually, just remembered a topic on here where one frequent user made a topic and a lot of women were saying they only post pics of their best attributes and then point out to guys who message them that they aren't as good looking at their pics so yeah concentrating on your 'best points' doesn't work now i think about it. Which their was nothing wrong with these women, just their confidence wasn't built up that way either. Dunno how to get more confident really about yourself. I don't really care what anyone else thinks about my appearance, but i do have regular people meeting me so they are validating i'm sexy in a way. You could try and find out what attributes women find sexy and see which of those apply to you? But even then everyone's idea of sexy is different but i know for certain you will have some attributes that some find sexy.
It is only in the past few months to a year that I have started shaving daily, and in the past 2-3 years I've started using aftershave. I didn't see the point and didn't think it mattered until I realised that it changed how I think of me. Women notice nice smelling guys in a better way and beards aren't a ladies best friend, especially if they're scratchy, but it took me a long time to apply this.
As for attributes people find sexy, I'm not overly toned, but I do work out, I know I'm average sized, the women I have been with have seemed satisfied (my tongue gets good reviews as well, but my fingers are hit and miss, possibly because I play guitar, the callouses can be coarse on sensitive areas). Also, because I'm conscientious autistic, I tend to be polite and well spoken, but I also fade into the background when the conversations are fast paced which is not going to make me stand out from the rest.
Hello! I'm not Autistic but I know what you mean about fast paced conversations, and trying to stand out. I used to be the one right in the middle, miss centre of attention when I was younger but now I like to watch people and how they react, what makes them tick. It can be frustrating too, when you finally get an awesome comment together and you unleash your joke or witticism only to be met with blank faces!
As for feeling sexy, that's something that needs to come from within. I had a break up middle of June which shock my confidence no end, and I haven't been able to feel at all hot or interesting or sexy, (except like two whole times) but I know the clothes that make me look good and make up I like and I know that I have 'somethin' that people will find attractive. Also our culture and this website is tricky, in terms of gauging reactions, etc.
Good luck though! X"Oh god, the blank face look. You can almost feel the tumble going by haha. Tbf, my jokes are terrible lol. I'm sorry to hear your breakup has shaken your confidence, I hope things turn around for you. I had a look at your profile and I think it's quite cool. As for feeling sexy, I hope everyone finds something that works for them, but life doesn't always work out like that, so I wish you all the best on your journey finding your sweet zone. Happy swinging | |||
 the Forums.
Everyday is a school day.
Highly informative thread. | |||
"And this is WHY I the Forums.
Everyday is a school day.
Highly informative thread. "Thanks random it's nice of you to drop by | |||
"And this is WHY I the Forums.
Everyday is a school day.
Highly informative thread.
Thanks random it's nice of you to drop by" No worries my man. Yer a good guy.
Hope all going well with you.
 | |||
"And this is WHY I the Forums.
Everyday is a school day.
Highly informative thread.
Thanks random it's nice of you to drop by
No worries my man. Yer a good guy.
Hope all going well with you.
"Thank you, you too. Indeed things are, a few road bumps, but I'll survive. How are things with you? | |||
"Thank you brain and Granny, I did not guess you were autistic too brain, but then, even though I know the signs and everything, detecting such things is beyond me. You seem to do OK, but I do feel you try to over compensate for it sometimes in the forums. Not a dig, these things happen and you rein it in eventually." I think this is where my Autism comes in Steven, I see problems, more specifically the ones that affect me, and when people try to stand in the way of me solving them, I get angry - I don't LIKE coming across as a confrontational twat all the time because that's really not who I am. Still, I was happy to share knowledge of my Autism with you, because I know how intensely frustrating and lonely life can be for us, and it's important to know that we don't suffer alone. If more of us had the confidence to come forward about our issues, then perhaps we could all learn from others experiences with the condition, and find new ways to get around its complications, and get more satisfaction and happiness from our lives. | |||
"And this is WHY I the Forums.
Everyday is a school day.
Highly informative thread.
Thanks random it's nice of you to drop by
No worries my man. Yer a good guy.
Hope all going well with you.
Thank you, you too. Indeed things are, a few road bumps, but I'll survive. How are things with you?"I'm good man & on the countdown to my holiday. Can't wait as it's been a shitty summer. (Won't go into too many details on the thread as I can't mail directly). | |||
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"It's reasonable to assume that most guys messages sent here just don't get a reply. That's whether he's autistic spectrum or not. I think you've got to rely on other things to hold your sexual self esteem high. Maybe find friends to visit places together or just continue as you are." Thanks Sophie, yes, I tend not to use fab for trying for meets very often anymore unless I have already met the person/people.It's too hard and stressful trying to stand out, so I just stick to the forums chatting and posting meets when I'm going to a club. | |||
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"Brightonsteve has great advice about how to think about deleted messages - I try to reply to most messages but during a hectic week with lots of messages when we haven't got time to think about arranging play, I'm much more likely to delete without reading as it's too stressful trying to be polite to everyone - some good messages and interesting profiles can suffer because of timing. With the fetish scene, it's true it seems to be of interest to a lot more people who are not neuro typical (perhaps because you do tend to analyse what you are doing more) so in some ways they are more accepting but don't go unless that type of play intrigues you and don't expecting to see much sex (or tell people you are a swinger) x Keep on with what you are doing trying new experiences and putting what you are observing about social interaction into practice, you seem to be doing well and did you ever try OK Cupid? It's a much quirkier dating site than many that seems to attract a fair few aspies (they use lots of questions and quizzes in their matching too) - good luck, Nina x" Ooh, that's useful advice, I shall bear that in mind in future. I used OK Cupid for a brief period some years ago, but got bored and didn't use it properly | |||
"Had a look at you profile now it's near perfection!!!" Why thank you yours is looking pretty awesome also | |||
"Hi, The title may be off putting for most people, but I'm sure I can't be the only autistic person interested in swinging. I have some points (I originally typed questions, but on reading them, there's no question... Oopsy haha); I'd like some guidance if possible, but if none is available, that's fine too. First point, concerning messages on here (and not just here, I have used dating websites, mostly without much to show from them) I have had no successful meets from messaging users about meets. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if in fact, I am doing anything wrong. I mostly send unique messages tailored to the profile I'm looking at, these are the ones that confuse me with instant deletion. The ones where I reread and think "did I really send something so stupid?" I know why that's been deleted. Second, I like going to the Attic, I've been twice, and the atmosphere is chilled, and I like that being in a sex club kinda relaxes me because I am conscious of the fact I can just ask to join in something that's going on, which is so much simpler on the autism than going out and hoping to read the signals that are tricky for me to interpret. Final point, thinking of myself as sexy, how the heck is a straight guy, supposed to think of himself as sexy? The lack of responses I get from here and other online dating kinda makes me feel unappreciated, especially if I made the effort to tailor a message, and the most common advice on how to get over that feeling is to think sexy, but think of yourself as sexy, which just doesn't compute with me. I think doing more in terms of voyeurism will help, but I think I need an initial leg up to feel comfortable doing that. Anyway, I think that's it for now. I would appreciate feedback, opinions, ideas, anything that's helpful basically. Kind regards Mistermistermac" 10 verifications in 2 months, I'd probably carry on doing what you're doing, seems to be working | |||
"Hi, The title may be off putting for most people, but I'm sure I can't be the only autistic person interested in swinging. I have some points (I originally typed questions, but on reading them, there's no question... Oopsy haha); I'd like some guidance if possible, but if none is available, that's fine too. First point, concerning messages on here (and not just here, I have used dating websites, mostly without much to show from them) I have had no successful meets from messaging users about meets. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if in fact, I am doing anything wrong. I mostly send unique messages tailored to the profile I'm looking at, these are the ones that confuse me with instant deletion. The ones where I reread and think "did I really send something so stupid?" I know why that's been deleted. Second, I like going to the Attic, I've been twice, and the atmosphere is chilled, and I like that being in a sex club kinda relaxes me because I am conscious of the fact I can just ask to join in something that's going on, which is so much simpler on the autism than going out and hoping to read the signals that are tricky for me to interpret. Final point, thinking of myself as sexy, how the heck is a straight guy, supposed to think of himself as sexy? The lack of responses I get from here and other online dating kinda makes me feel unappreciated, especially if I made the effort to tailor a message, and the most common advice on how to get over that feeling is to think sexy, but think of yourself as sexy, which just doesn't compute with me. I think doing more in terms of voyeurism will help, but I think I need an initial leg up to feel comfortable doing that. Anyway, I think that's it for now. I would appreciate feedback, opinions, ideas, anything that's helpful basically. Kind regards Mistermistermac 10 verifications in 2 months, I'd probably carry on doing what you're doing, seems to be working " Why thank you listening to feedback from very lovely people has helped | |||
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"Several meets and a thought out profile, you're already ahead of 90% of the men on here! I know a handful of people on the autistic spectrum in the fetish world, plus my girlfriend. I would say that communication and reading body language is their main difficulty. You might feel even more comfy if you explain to people that they need to be quite literal with you - if you find that is a problem. Also never shy away from being open about autism. Good luck!" This ^^^ my sons have asd and this is totally spot on On a side note, your rather hot OP! | |||
"Several meets and a thought out profile, you're already ahead of 90% of the men on here! I know a handful of people on the autistic spectrum in the fetish world, plus my girlfriend. I would say that communication and reading body language is their main difficulty. You might feel even more comfy if you explain to people that they need to be quite literal with you - if you find that is a problem. Also never shy away from being open about autism. Good luck! This ^^^ my sons have asd and this is totally spot on On a side note, your rather hot OP!" Why thank you
I also agree and have benefitted from not being so shy about it. I've finally begun to accept it into my life over 10 years after diagnosis | |||
"the autistic spectrum is very wide indeed and as you have typed all this it must be a very mild form " Wot?!  | |||
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"I think sites should have Autism Awareness so that people can understand what types of autism there are and be able to help those who have autism with socializing. I for one have Asperger's Syndrome and can find it hard to socialize. I do try my best to not let it get to me despite feeling down on some occasions." I think the problem a lot of people who have aspergers or autism have with having aspergers or autism, is allowing themselves to believe it can hold them back. I for one am very happy to see people on this site have some form of ASD, and yes, it hurts their self esteem sometimes, but they're pushing boundaries here and in other areas of their lives, and that is more inspiring than anything else I've come across anywhere because most things focus on you as a person, and it feels kinda lonely and disjointed. But knowing there's a community doing well, and not doing so well that you can bounce off of and whom can bounce off of you with a common interest (besides ASD) is much more healing for the heart | |||
"but they're pushing boundaries here and in other areas of their lives, and that is more inspiring than anything else I've come across anywhere" Everyone needs to push their boundaries in life, a lot don't and it seems like a wasted life. But for those people who find it more difficult do this it is even more impressive and more of an achievement | |||
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"What I see here is someone who is owning and understanding their condition and working to not let it hold them back from anything, good for you. In reference to the person who said sites should have an autism awareness I'm not sure I agree with that, why just single out autism, there are many conditions that make it more difficult for people to socialise. However, threads like this that are written from someone's point of view are educational and give you an incite. But I believe it is up to the individual to explain it to others as not all conditions will affect everyone the same way " Absolutely. I have compared notes with other aspies and have found it can affect us very differently. These threads are an educational tool for all of us. | |||
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"Hi, The title may be off putting for most people, but I'm sure I can't be the only autistic person interested in swinging. I have some points (I originally typed questions, but on reading them, there's no question... Oopsy haha); I'd like some guidance if possible, but if none is available, that's fine too. First point, concerning messages on here (and not just here, I have used dating websites, mostly without much to show from them) I have had no successful meets from messaging users about meets. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if in fact, I am doing anything wrong. I mostly send unique messages tailored to the profile I'm looking at, these are the ones that confuse me with instant deletion. The ones where I reread and think "did I really send something so stupid?" I know why that's been deleted. Second, I like going to the Attic, I've been twice, and the atmosphere is chilled, and I like that being in a sex club kinda relaxes me because I am conscious of the fact I can just ask to join in something that's going on, which is so much simpler on the autism than going out and hoping to read the signals that are tricky for me to interpret. Final point, thinking of myself as sexy, how the heck is a straight guy, supposed to think of himself as sexy? The lack of responses I get from here and other online dating kinda makes me feel unappreciated, especially if I made the effort to tailor a message, and the most common advice on how to get over that feeling is to think sexy, but think of yourself as sexy, which just doesn't compute with me. I think doing more in terms of voyeurism will help, but I think I need an initial leg up to feel comfortable doing that. Anyway, I think that's it for now. I would appreciate feedback, opinions, ideas, anything that's helpful basically. Kind regards Mistermistermac" My nephew is autistic, I don't pretend to know much about autism but you don't come accross as autistic at all from reading your post. (Hope you take that as a compliment) I'm aware there's many levels of autism and there's only so much you can tell from a profile, but I'm impressed. Anyway my advice is don't take it to heart if your struggling with getting meets, it's not fair on yourself to make a connection between autism and lack of success on fabs. 90% of all the guys on fabs struggle and it's down to the simple fact there's lots more guys than women. It's easy for any guy to get a complex. Good luck | |||
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) and b, people with ASD prefer regulations and clear instructions which, bdsm is predominantly instruction based, even though what is happening generally changes vastly, and there's safe words in the event of anything being uncomfortable etc.
Finally, ASD is not called high functioning without cause, people with ASD are generally quite smart (I'm the exception that proves the rule ) however, people who don't understand ASD (or have empathy. People without the empathy factor really get on my tits) will often call people with ASD stupid, merely because the thought processes are unconventional or because they just can't turn their thoughts into words that can be generally understood that convey the meaning the person with ASD intends | |||
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"Sorry I totally disagree with your statement... People on the autistic spectrum are highly intelligent and dont generally have a problem with putting words on paper... Quite the contrary! It's the human interaction they find difficult to cope with..." What are you talking about??? I never said a word about intelligence, so don't put words in my mouth again. I'm aware that autistic people are intelligent, and I didn't say anything about him putting words on paper? I was impressed that a man with autism feels so comfortable at a club and is quite happy making conversation and asking to join in. There's plenty of guys without autism that would struggle in that scenario. Like I said I don't pretend to know much about autism but I have spent a lot of time with my nephew, like you said they struggle with human interaction so I was impressed this guy is going clubs (assuming the Attic is a club) Chill out. | |||
"Sorry I totally disagree with your statement... People on the autistic spectrum are highly intelligent and dont generally have a problem with putting words on paper... Quite the contrary! It's the human interaction they find difficult to cope with... What are you talking about??? I never said a word about intelligence, so don't put words in my mouth again. I'm aware that autistic people are intelligent, and I didn't say anything about him putting words on paper? I was impressed that a man with autism feels so comfortable at a club and is quite happy making conversation and asking to join in. There's plenty of guys without autism that would struggle in that scenario. Like I said I don't pretend to know much about autism but I have spent a lot of time with my nephew, like you said they struggle with human interaction so I was impressed this guy is going clubs (assuming the Attic is a club) Chill out." I'm not 100% that the poster was responding to you as you didn't mention those things and they didn't quote the original post. That aside and not targeting you, just adding and wanting to do so in one post, please can we abstain from arguments on this thread. So many others that were informative have gone down due to petty squabbling that I will not tolerate it here. | |||
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