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Trans ... When to disclose
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Hiya. I don't post here a lot so apologies if this very delicate subject has been discussed.
I'm wondering at what stage in a developing flirtation or duscourse or relationship we think a person ought to disclose if their current gender or apparent gender isn't the same as their biological gender or a lifelong gender identity.
I know there are a lot of variations (e.g. between cross dressing and full gender reassignment with legal recognition, and also differences in expectations between relationships depending on the peoplr involved.) But it seems to me that at some point in an evolving discourse and progressive openness and revelation of personal matters, including personal history, it will become relevant. And some partners my feel they'd want that to be revealed quite early on because for them, birth gender or the type of genitals is an important matter.
Please try to keep all responses courteous.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel like if you're talking to someone with the intention of having sex, it's best not to leave any massive suprises - so if you have the opposite genitals than expected, maybe let your potential partner(/quick fuck) know before the main event. Though as a pansexual I'd quite like to unzip those trousers not knowing what's underneath haha .
But other than telling people who may need to know, I don't see it as anyone's buisness unless you have a close relationship already. |
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Yes. Completely impertinent to ask a stranger (unless you're a doc and there a medical reason to need to know). But disrespectful to let someone travel for a sexual experience and for them go find expectations were very wrong. I guess there's no clear right answer. It will depend.
Interesting parallel with age. Whatever rejuvenating medical or cosmetics treatments we may have done, and whatever age we feel we would like to be, on this site at least we're expected to reveal our true chronological age up front. (I expect there are some who misrepresent ...).
I think some trans people would reject that comparison between representations of age and gender ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hiya. I don't post here a lot so apologies if this very delicate subject has been discussed.
I'm wondering at what stage in a developing flirtation or duscourse or relationship we think a person ought to disclose if their current gender or apparent gender isn't the same as their biological gender or a lifelong gender identity.
I know there are a lot of variations (e.g. between cross dressing and full gender reassignment with legal recognition, and also differences in expectations between relationships depending on the peoplr involved.) But it seems to me that at some point in an evolving discourse and progressive openness and revelation of personal matters, including personal history, it will become relevant. And some partners my feel they'd want that to be revealed quite early on because for them, birth gender or the type of genitals is an important matter.
Please try to keep all responses courteous. "
I wouldn't expect someone to tell me until it was obvious we were going to get into bed.
So after a couple of dates would be fine if we were seeking a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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However if someone was post-surgery I wouldn't expect them to tell me at all. It's none of my business at that point - I don't need to know the history of their life if they don't want to share it with me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And some partners my feel they'd want that to be revealed quite early on because for them, birth gender or the type of genitals is an important matter."
Just an additional thought...
...I don't personally know any transpeople who would go out with someone who felt that the type of genitals someone had were important in some way. |
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It depends on the implicit direction of the nature of your relationship with the person
Clearly if it's friends, just going for drinks etc with nothing else then I can't see why it has to be discussed unless you want to
If the relationship is heading towards either casual sex/swinging or a conventional relationship etc then very early I'd say as it entirely negates any later problems |
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Great insights wasp hunter.
On this point:
"However if someone was post-surgery I wouldn't expect them to tell me at all. It's none of my business at that point - I don't need to know the history of their life if they don't want to share it with me."
For some people, sharing personal history is an important part of a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Great insights wasp hunter.
On this point:
However if someone was post-surgery I wouldn't expect them to tell me at all. It's none of my business at that point - I don't need to know the history of their life if they don't want to share it with me.
For some people, sharing personal history is an important part of a relationship."
Not always the bad parts.
I wouldn't discuss traumatic personal history with a brand new partner (or someone who isn't yet a partner). I mean, would you expect someone to disclose that they'd be raped or even sexually abused as a child on the second date? That's the same level of traumatic as being born with the wrong genitals for many transpeople. |
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To me the person is more important than the gennitals they have. If i was in casual relationship with a trans person i wouldnt want them to feel they have to tell me if they didnt want to. In a more formal relationship i would expect we would love each other enough to tell each other such things about each other but wouldnt bother me as a whole. As regardless of gender if you love someone its who they are now that matters not who they were in the past xxx |
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Who you were in the past has some bearing on who you are now and who you will become on the future.
Would it seem unduly secretive not to reveal such an important matter to a lover or (potential) sex partner? |
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"Who you were in the past has some bearing on who you are now and who you will become on the future.
Would it seem unduly secretive not to reveal such an important matter to a lover or (potential) sex partner?"
To me only if they were a post op woman and she knew i would want kids someday xxx But would let her tell me in her own time wouldnt demand it of her to tell me xxx After all we could always adopt kids xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if it's just a friendship then no reason to tell , but relationship then prob sooner rather than latter to save hart ach , difficult one I guess as were all different ! . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Related question. If you're chatting to someone and their gender history does, for some reason, matter to you, is it impolite to ask?"
depends how you ask I suppose... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Related question. If you're chatting to someone and their gender history does, for some reason, matter to you, is it impolite to ask?"
It's absolutely find to ask if it's important to you.
It's equally fine for them to say they don't want to see you again because it's important to you.
And if you ask someone who isn't trans... you're not likely to see them again either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who you were in the past has some bearing on who you are now and who you will become on the future.
Would it seem unduly secretive not to reveal such an important matter to a lover or (potential) sex partner?"
I don't tell people I'm sleeping with anything about my past. The fact that I haven't had a very nice past is nothing to do with people I'm sleeping with now. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Hiya. I don't post here a lot so apologies if this very delicate subject has been discussed.
I'm wondering at what stage in a developing flirtation or duscourse or relationship we think a person ought to disclose if their current gender or apparent gender isn't the same as their biological gender or a lifelong gender identity.
I know there are a lot of variations (e.g. between cross dressing and full gender reassignment with legal recognition, and also differences in expectations between relationships depending on the peoplr involved.) But it seems to me that at some point in an evolving discourse and progressive openness and revelation of personal matters, including personal history, it will become relevant. And some partners my feel they'd want that to be revealed quite early on because for them, birth gender or the type of genitals is an important matter.
Please try to keep all responses courteous. "
What do you intend to tell them about yourself in return?  |
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"Related question. If you're chatting to someone and their gender history does, for some reason, matter to you, is it impolite to ask?
It's absolutely find to ask if it's important to you.
It's equally fine for them to say they don't want to see you again because it's important to you.
And if you ask someone who isn't trans... you're not likely to see them again either."
Yes, of course there's a possibility that some people (whether trans or not) will only be interested in folk who are intimate with someone irrespective of and even oblivious of the biological gender and/or gender history of the partner.
But I think many will feel it's as okay to be interested in a lover's biological gender as their biological age, and in their gender history as e.g. their educational history. We are not snapshots in time; we are work in progress, and so in the course of emerging intimacy many will like to know about a lover's history and trajectory, and some of the wonderful idiosyncratic paths and cul de sacs they have pursued in their life. Fine to hide stuff if it's openly hidden (e.g. "I'd rather not talk about that for personal reasons"); less fine if we misrepresent in any way.
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What do you intend to tell them about yourself in return? "
"In return" sounds like a bargaining stance. I'd rather see it as a volumtaey process of progressively open and intimate disclosure on the part of both lovers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Related question. If you're chatting to someone and their gender history does, for some reason, matter to you, is it impolite to ask?
It's absolutely find to ask if it's important to you.
It's equally fine for them to say they don't want to see you again because it's important to you.
And if you ask someone who isn't trans... you're not likely to see them again either.
Yes, of course there's a possibility that some people (whether trans or not) will only be interested in folk who are intimate with someone irrespective of and even oblivious of the biological gender and/or gender history of the partner.
But I think many will feel it's as okay to be interested in a lover's biological gender as their biological age, and in their gender history as e.g. their educational history. We are not snapshots in time; we are work in progress, and so in the course of emerging intimacy many will like to know about a lover's history and trajectory, and some of the wonderful idiosyncratic paths and cul de sacs they have pursued in their life. Fine to hide stuff if it's openly hidden (e.g. "I'd rather not talk about that for personal reasons"); less fine if we misrepresent in any way.
"
I think you misunderstand what it's like to be trans.
Many transpeople, after they have transitioned, completely cut off their 'before' life and do not talk about it with anybody. As far as they are concerned that is a different person to who they ask now. Asking about their 'history' as if it is a part of who they are now if often wrong - that other person is not who they are.
If you think that transpeople have a duty to tell you about their 'other' life, then perhaps you are just not suited to being with a transperson? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, of course there's a possibility that some people (whether trans or not) will only be interested in folk who are intimate with someone irrespective of and even oblivious of the biological gender and/or gender history of the partner.
But I think many will feel it's as okay to be interested in a lover's biological gender as their biological age, and in their gender history as e.g. their educational history. We are not snapshots in time; we are work in progress, and so in the course of emerging intimacy many will like to know about a lover's history and trajectory, and some of the wonderful idiosyncratic paths and cul de sacs they have pursued in their life. Fine to hide stuff if it's openly hidden (e.g. "I'd rather not talk about that for personal reasons"); less fine if we misrepresent in any way.
"
Somebodies 'gender' is the one that they are now btw. Asking what their 'biological gender' is just represents a misunderstading as to what sex and gender is.
Gender is how you identify. That could be male, female, third, other, queer, etc. Transpeople have often felt the same way about their gender from birth. If you asked me my 'birth gender' I would tell you either male or queer depending on how much I thought you understood.
Sex is usually the word reserved for your genitals. Asking what sex someone is born might give the result that you are looking for. I was born with my sex identified by doctors as female and I have not yet had it changed in any way to match my gender.
However of course there are more options than just being born with male or female sex, and indeed there is no clear way of identifying what constitutes male or female. A more accurate question to ask would be 'were you born with a genital organ that is a penis and can achieve erections' for example. Or 'were you born with a vaginal cavity?' But those are - as I'm sure you'll agree - very invasive questions to ask someone that you don't know very well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My child is very open about him being trans.
He has gone from being born as a female to living as a male.
He has done many trans talks and has worked along side with fixer to promote a positive attitude towards transgender people and to get the message across.
I for one am so proud of him and I am totally aware alot of kids are not as lucky as he is to have such a supportive family as ours.
My child is nearly 18 and what ever happens I know he has made the right choices
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Thanks for sharing agaun. You're right. I don't know enough trans people well enough to have a clear insight into his they view their firmer life in another gender. That's why I'm asking, in what I hope is a gentle way.
I didn't say anyone has a duty to tell me anything. My question is more about opennness and appropriateness of timing.
Context us a big factor in determining when certain questions are invasive. There are plenty of profiles on this site which state things like "only into BBC" or "no well endowed, I'm a tight fit".
As for disclosure and openness, I'm not an absolutist on this. But I think any secrets have to be with the very best of intentions.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for sharing agaun. You're right. I don't know enough trans people well enough to have a clear insight into his they view their firmer life in another gender. That's why I'm asking, in what I hope is a gentle way.
I didn't say anyone has a duty to tell me anything. My question is more about opennness and appropriateness of timing.
Context us a big factor in determining when certain questions are invasive. There are plenty of profiles on this site which state things like "only into BBC" or "no well endowed, I'm a tight fit".
As for disclosure and openness, I'm not an absolutist on this. But I think any secrets have to be with the very best of intentions.
"
I don't think you have upset anyone.
I think it's a very good question you have asked.
Evening filling in a simple form doesn't have the option of trans on there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for sharing agaun. You're right. I don't know enough trans people well enough to have a clear insight into his they view their firmer life in another gender. That's why I'm asking, in what I hope is a gentle way.
I didn't say anyone has a duty to tell me anything. My question is more about opennness and appropriateness of timing.
Context us a big factor in determining when certain questions are invasive. There are plenty of profiles on this site which state things like "only into BBC" or "no well endowed, I'm a tight fit".
As for disclosure and openness, I'm not an absolutist on this. But I think any secrets have to be with the very best of intentions.
"
I think if you absolutely don't want to meet a transperson, then stating that on your profile would be a good thing.
Otherwise approach everyone with an open mind and see what happens when you get naked! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Great insights wasp hunter.
On this point:
However if someone was post-surgery I wouldn't expect them to tell me at all. It's none of my business at that point - I don't need to know the history of their life if they don't want to share it with me.
For some people, sharing personal history is an important part of a relationship.
Not always the bad parts.
I wouldn't discuss traumatic personal history with a brand new partner (or someone who isn't yet a partner). I mean, would you expect someone to disclose that they'd be raped or even sexually abused as a child on the second date? That's the same level of traumatic as being born with the wrong genitals for many transpeople."
I've been quite surprised by the number of people I have met on here who have confessed to traumas in their past life...relating to exactly what wasp hunter mentions.....and yes even abuse in childhood etc.
It has shocked me how many "damaged" people there are out there and how/why they felt the need to discuss.
Have only met one post op transgender (new female) who was actually staying a weekend with a former FB of mine. I met both ladies for lunch on the Saturday. Came straight out with it as they thought their large hands (to be fair they were huge) stolid out and would arouse suspicion. I hadn't given it a thought but clearly it was something she wished to be open about....fair play but if post op it is a personal choice, surely.
If pre-op or not going there...then yes...early disclosure may prevent a "shock" if something unexpected is found as clothes are shelf! |
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I think if you absolutely don't want to meet a transperson, then stating that on your profile would be a good thing.
Otherwise approach everyone with an open mind and see what happens when you get naked!"
That makes sense I guess. But as most people on here idemtifuvas either gay or straight, I guess most if us do care about the shape of our partner's genitals. Making it a voyage of discovery is perhaps unusually open minded. Perhaps also very noble. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"
What do you intend to tell them about yourself in return?
"In return" sounds like a bargaining stance. I'd rather see it as a volumtaey process of progressively open and intimate disclosure on the part of both lovers."
I think that a Q&A session like this should be reserved for a pre-walk-down-the-aisle disclosures. There it makes sense
Me having any such expectation in a swingers club, no matter how many times I have met him before and have got to like him, is an expectation too high |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think if you absolutely don't want to meet a transperson, then stating that on your profile would be a good thing.
Otherwise approach everyone with an open mind and see what happens when you get naked!
That makes sense I guess. But as most people on here idemtifuvas either gay or straight, I guess most if us do care about the shape of our partner's genitals. Making it a voyage of discovery is perhaps unusually open minded. Perhaps also very noble. "
So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like. |
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So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like."
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like.
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"? "
If I'd had all my surgery I'd feel no need to tell anyone. Just like they didn't need to know I'd had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. I don't tell my current partners about surgery I've had in the past, it's not very interesting. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"
So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like.
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"? "
Each person will decide for themselves
I was stating that I do not have any such expectations of anyone from this website (or from anywhere else) to tell me anything about his dim and distant past unless I was going to get married to him, buy a house together and raise a family. I guess I don't have that sense of 'entitlement' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. Completely impertinent to ask a stranger (unless you're a doc and there a medical reason to need to know). But disrespectful to let someone travel for a sexual experience and for them go find expectations were very wrong. I guess there's no clear right answer. It will depend.
Interesting parallel with age. Whatever rejuvenating medical or cosmetics treatments we may have done, and whatever age we feel we would like to be, on this site at least we're expected to reveal our true chronological age up front. (I expect there are some who misrepresent ...).
I think some trans people would reject that comparison between representations of age and gender ..."
Travel implies you've only spoke to them online or on here where usually they'll be identified as such or have it on their profile
I think the odds of you randomly encountering a trans girl and getting to the bed room without it being clear from where you met them are very very low |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like.
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"?
If I'd had all my surgery I'd feel no need to tell anyone. Just like they didn't need to know I'd had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. I don't tell my current partners about surgery I've had in the past, it's not very interesting."
It would still be wise to inform them you could not have children as it's possible that would be a big thing for them |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"
So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like.
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"?
If I'd had all my surgery I'd feel no need to tell anyone. Just like they didn't need to know I'd had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. I don't tell my current partners about surgery I've had in the past, it's not very interesting.
It would still be wise to inform them you could not have children as it's possible that would be a big thing for them"
Would it also be wise to inform people about problems with premature ejaculation, impotence, low sperm count, hysterectomy, POS, etc.
In the Catholic Church, any of the above could be considered grounds for an annulment; just saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like.
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"?
If I'd had all my surgery I'd feel no need to tell anyone. Just like they didn't need to know I'd had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. I don't tell my current partners about surgery I've had in the past, it's not very interesting.
It would still be wise to inform them you could not have children as it's possible that would be a big thing for them"
I have never wanted children, so I date people that don't want children. When I find out that someone does want children then in the past I've left them. (I've now had a sterilisation, but that's also none of anybody elses business).
But there are lots of other way to have children. I was adopted myself and if I suddenly found myself desperate to have them, I would adopt or foster. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
...fair play but if post op it is a personal choice, surely.
If pre-op or not going there...then yes...early disclosure may prevent a "shock" if something unexpected is found as clothes are shelf!"
Just remember, it isn't always so black and white. Some trans people are neither pre nor post anything, some do not opt for any or all surgical options... |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I know I'm going against what a pansexual above said about what they would enjoy, but most people wouldn't want to be surprised when the underwear came off.
As trans people are more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators of violence, I would assume that they wouldn't want to wait until the bedroom to disclose if there is something different in the underwear to what the other person is expecting.
I would also assume that most trans people have experienced some form of hostility to their sexuality in the past and may well want to check where you stand on it before putting themselves in a vulnerable situation and sleeping with you.
But those of just my assumptions, any trans people please tell me if I am well wide of the mark. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know I'm going against what a pansexual above said about what they would enjoy, but most people wouldn't want to be surprised when the underwear came off.
As trans people are more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators of violence, I would assume that they wouldn't want to wait until the bedroom to disclose if there is something different in the underwear to what the other person is expecting.
I would also assume that most trans people have experienced some form of hostility to their sexuality in the past and may well want to check where you stand on it before putting themselves in a vulnerable situation and sleeping with you.
But those of just my assumptions, any trans people please tell me if I am well wide of the mark."
 |
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"However if someone was post-surgery I wouldn't expect them to tell me at all. It's none of my business at that point - I don't need to know the history of their life if they don't want to share it with me."
Friend, acquaintance: agree, absolutely none of my business. If it's a personal relationship, someone I'd want to start a family with, you reckon them keeping stum is ok?  |
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"To me the person is more important than the gennitals they have. If i was in casual relationship with a trans person i wouldnt want them to feel they have to tell me if they didnt want to. In a more formal relationship i would expect we would love each other enough to tell each other such things about each other but wouldnt bother me as a whole. As regardless of gender if you love someone its who they are now that matters not who they were in the past xxx"
Aaah, what a politically correct answer! 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know I'm going against what a pansexual above said about what they would enjoy, but most people wouldn't want to be surprised when the underwear came off.
As trans people are more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators of violence, I would assume that they wouldn't want to wait until the bedroom to disclose if there is something different in the underwear to what the other person is expecting.
I would also assume that most trans people have experienced some form of hostility to their sexuality in the past and may well want to check where you stand on it before putting themselves in a vulnerable situation and sleeping with you.
But those of just my assumptions, any trans people please tell me if I am well wide of the mark."
Nail on head as far as I am concerned.
Most people I have played with, or been to parties where I have hostessed, would have no idea of my medical and social history. However having faced the most vile and aggressive bigotry in the past simply because of the way that I was born I add a line to my profile disclosing my past. I simply do not want to risk facing that again just because someone may accidentally find out. |
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So just say on your profile that you don't want to meet transpeople. Then transpeople, like myself, can avoid you.
I think if you fell for someone 'in real life' you would quickly find yourself not caring what their genitals looked like.
Thanks for profile advice. However I'd hoped this might be a broader discussion, not just personal.
I think your last paragraph is based on surmise.
As a matter of interest, in response to another posting, are there trans people who would literally not disclose this to someone before "walking down the aisle"?
If I'd had all my surgery I'd feel no need to tell anyone. Just like they didn't need to know I'd had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. I don't tell my current partners about surgery I've had in the past, it's not very interesting.
It would still be wise to inform them you could not have children as it's possible that would be a big thing for them"
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
On sites like this I say upfront and always will. For FtM, even after all the surgeries, it's obvious when up close and personal that something is different. I'd rather deal with idiots online and just block them than face to face.
But I'm a _ransguy who doesn't mind talking about my past or what I'm going through, even the personal stuff. This isn't common though so don't expect all transpeople to be like this, you may not like their reaction to any of your questions.
In "real life" I'm not looking for a relationship until I've finished all the surgeries. I'm changing as I transition and there are things I'm struggling with, having to deal with, I would like to step into a relationship as the real me not the work in progress me and drag someone through that. But talking to anyone new I don't say what I am, as much as I don't mind talking about it, I'm not a "Look at me, I'm so special" kind of guy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"However if someone was post-surgery I wouldn't expect them to tell me at all. It's none of my business at that point - I don't need to know the history of their life if they don't want to share it with me.
Friend, acquaintance: agree, absolutely none of my business. If it's a personal relationship, someone I'd want to start a family with, you reckon them keeping stum is ok? "
I would expect that if you wanted to start a family then you would bring that up reasonably early - if that's really very important to you (it's not that important to lots of people). And if someone couldn't give you what you wanted, then they would most likely self-select themselves out of that relationship.
Whenever I've been involved with someone and discovered they've really wanted children, I just say to them 'sorry, that's not for me' and then leave gracefully. I don't see how it's any different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To me the person is more important than the gennitals they have. If i was in casual relationship with a trans person i wouldnt want them to feel they have to tell me if they didnt want to. In a more formal relationship i would expect we would love each other enough to tell each other such things about each other but wouldnt bother me as a whole. As regardless of gender if you love someone its who they are now that matters not who they were in the past xxx
Aaah, what a politically correct answer!
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Political correctness - something you personally find ridiculous but that other people are taking seriously. |
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By *lare GTV/TS
over a year ago
South of Sleaford |
A useful discussion and I have followed the various comments with interest. Thank you for the contributions. I am not on hormones nor do I plan to have surgery so I am not going to be in the situation being discussed. But out in the day to day world I avoid being 'chatted up' by guys. |
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"To me the person is more important than the gennitals they have. If i was in casual relationship with a trans person i wouldnt want them to feel they have to tell me if they didnt want to. In a more formal relationship i would expect we would love each other enough to tell each other such things about each other but wouldnt bother me as a whole. As regardless of gender if you love someone its who they are now that matters not who they were in the past xxx
Aaah, what a politically correct answer!
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It maybe a pc answer but its true ive met people who have fully transitioned and those that have partially transitioned with no intention of going further xxx If they are comfortable with who they are who i am i to say they should be fully male or female its a choice and they should have the freedom to choose to be who they are without prejudice from those of us that are genetic men or women xxx They are still people and will always have my respect xxx |
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