FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > are we really "all here for the same thing"?
are we really "all here for the same thing"?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In general how specific are people you guys meet in clubs? Me and my man visited one before we got serious, and I would say lack of research and communication between each other hindered (but didn't ruin) the experience. We were under the impression anyone who went to clubs wanted full sex with strangers,and expected everyone else there to be of the same mind set. Of course now we release from fab we should have done our research as alot of you guys are not all after the exact same thing,we didn't even know what soft swing was at the time. Although on here we see many profiles looking for specific things, is this common in the club scene? Because we are considering going just to dip our toes in the water,maybe play with Mr at a glory hole. Let him fuck me while I such strangers cock but nothing else. Would this sort of specific play be common as it appears to be on fab or would we just seems too specific because as I hear often "were all here for the same thing after all"?  |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
I think the definition of "The same thing " is a lot more generic than you seem to think. My opinion is that the thing we're all here for is non judgemental sexual openness. That includes you playing predominantly with your OH. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on what you mean as the same thing? If you mean having new and delicious experiences with other human beings, id say yes a lot of us are here for that.
I love the diversity of experience that swinging gives. It gives each person a completely different experience and never the same one again.
Ms Nico |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
from what i have seen, some couples go to just be social or play with each other at a club..they just enjoy the atmosphere...
from that, to soft swinging.to full swinging and moresomes..and everything in between...just know what you are asking for, and tell the person(s) who joins you what you want and agree to that, before playing....sounds perfectly within the spectrum of normality at a club to me x enjoy yourselves xx  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We just assumed when people said that they meant "sex with other swingers". So in a club is it common for people to have really specific experiences they want to share with plenty of boundaries? Our visit to a club started with playing with a couple we got chatting too, into a room to play, and before we really knew what was happening more people entered and it was a full on orgy which freaked me out abit. We decided if we go back we would take it slowly 1 step at a time but we just wanted to check on here that it was common for some people to be really particular with there fantasys. Thanks for all the advice, you guys have been great x |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"We just assumed when people said that they meant "sex with other swingers". So in a club is it common for people to have really specific experiences they want to share with plenty of boundaries? Our visit to a club started with playing with a couple we got chatting too, into a room to play, and before we really knew what was happening more people entered and it was a full on orgy which freaked me out abit. We decided if we go back we would take it slowly 1 step at a time but we just wanted to check on here that it was common for some people to be really particular with there fantasys. Thanks for all the advice, you guys have been great x "
totally common in my experience..if you dont want or dont like say no..and everything or anything should stop..if it doesnt report it to management..they will deal with it very swiftly..but this shouldnt be a worry for you...most people when they hear no, are very very respectful, they totally stop or dont join or whatever youve said no to..by rights they usually ask before hand...take it slow..dont fret and enjoy what you want to experience x |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I think when you get into the lifestyle you kind of have to chance your communication style from normal everyday life. You have to be clear about what you want if you have a clearly defined boundary, to learn Yes means Yes and no means No, maybe also means No!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're not even here for the same thing all the time, sometimes we want younger couples, sometimes we want older etc. We have a bucket list of things to try - as and when time allows |
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By *lare GTV/TS
over a year ago
South of Sleaford |
"were all here for the same thing after all"? Yes I often hear this. It is an assumption many guys make, particularly after looking at my pictures. I am not on here nor do I go to clubs just for sex. I like to meet people, talk to them and see if there is a connection or not. If I enjoy the conversation and feel an attraction then I become open to intimacy.
I am TS/TV and many guys assume that all I want to do is drop to my knee in front of them and suck their cock: "were all here for the same thing after all". Most guys do not talk, there is no intimacy and no connection whatever. For me this is NOT what sex is about at all.
Just my 2 pennyworth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No we're not all here for the same thing. You should always ask. Don't assume people will always want full sex. This is where new people at clubs go wrong.
Social only, soft swing, just watching, full sex with one person, full sex with many people... the list is endless.
Never assume. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No we're not all here for the same thing. You should always ask. Don't assume people will always want full sex. This is where new people at clubs go wrong.
Social only, soft swing, just watching, full sex with one person, full sex with many people... the list is endless.
Never assume. "
Assume nothing , but know exactly what you want , because that's what it's about .
If you are prepared to push your boundaries , discuss it first with each other .
Never , ever do anything you're not comfortable with . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No we're not all here for the same thing. You should always ask. Don't assume people will always want full sex. This is where new people at clubs go wrong.
Social only, soft swing, just watching, full sex with one person, full sex with many people... the list is endless.
Never assume.
Assume nothing , but know exactly what you want , because that's what it's about .
If you are prepared to push your boundaries , discuss it first with each other .
Never , ever do anything you're not comfortable with ."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the advice, we both discussed it and we're both more confident now that only being comfortable with one or two types of play won't come across as strange or picky. Did any of you guys start off slowly or did you just dive straight in. Just curious because the whole scene still seems rather daunting and intimidating although a hell of a lot of fun. Did anyone else start out just by using a glory hole? x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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op I am sure when someone's thing is you . They will contact you
I must say it doesn't matter what you say or do nothing will change people's minds
You may not have a full social life but I am sure most here do and work and kids etc
If we all wanted the same thing it would be ridiculously stupid .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We started witn a organised social as non verified we did the couples and the single guys
We spent hours trying to organise meets
Spoke to a guy who had been around for years and he said go to parties and clubs
Went to a spa nearby had two meets with couples of the site in the past year
The rest we have met at clubs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"op I am sure when someone's thing is you . They will contact you
I must say it doesn't matter what you say or do nothing will change people's minds
You may not have a full social life but I am sure most here do and work and kids etc
If we all wanted the same thing it would be ridiculously stupid .
"
I'm not sure what you mean about changing people's minds or having a full social life. I wasn't saying "everyone wants the same thing", I was asking if it was common for people in clubs to be as specific as we are till we gain the confidence and mutual agreement to try other things, that was all  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"op I am sure when someone's thing is you . They will contact you
I must say it doesn't matter what you say or do nothing will change people's minds
You may not have a full social life but I am sure most here do and work and kids etc
If we all wanted the same thing it would be ridiculously stupid .
I'm not sure what you mean about changing people's minds or having a full social life. I wasn't saying "everyone wants the same thing", I was asking if it was common for people in clubs to be as specific as we are till we gain the confidence and mutual agreement to try other things, that was all "
I found a lot of people were specific but would also change mind later on own accord
I would say if someone makes it clear they don't want anal ( as an example) that no matter what you say it won't change unless they want it to .
The good thing about clubs is you do what you want if it's ok with the other person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"op I am sure when someone's thing is you . They will contact you
I must say it doesn't matter what you say or do nothing will change people's minds
You may not have a full social life but I am sure most here do and work and kids etc
If we all wanted the same thing it would be ridiculously stupid .
I'm not sure what you mean about changing people's minds or having a full social life. I wasn't saying "everyone wants the same thing", I was asking if it was common for people in clubs to be as specific as we are till we gain the confidence and mutual agreement to try other things, that was all "
Yes it's common, as is talking to others about what you are looking to experience before play.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah I could see our boundaries opening up during a visit to a club too if we were both comfortable. What did you mean by "You may not have a full social life but I am sure most here do and work and kids etc"? I didn't quite understand that,sorry. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"In general how specific are people you guys meet in clubs? Me and my man visited one before we got serious, and I would say lack of research and communication between each other hindered (but didn't ruin) the experience. We were under the impression anyone who went to clubs wanted full sex with strangers,and expected everyone else there to be of the same mind set. Of course now we release from fab we should have done our research as alot of you guys are not all after the exact same thing,we didn't even know what soft swing was at the time. Although on here we see many profiles looking for specific things, is this common in the club scene? Because we are considering going just to dip our toes in the water,maybe play with Mr at a glory hole. Let him fuck me while I such strangers cock but nothing else. Would this sort of specific play be common as it appears to be on fab or would we just seems too specific because as I hear often "were all here for the same thing after all"? "
I'm confused OP.
This is a single male profile (yes I read the bit about you being the male half of a couple - don't panic!!) and yet you talk of someone playing with Mr while you suck a cock.
All seems a bit....well.... the wrong way round ! As if it was a woman posting?
Anyway - back on track!! No, not everyone goes to clubs for the same thing. Some see it as a simple social environment where if the moods takes them and they really click with someone they will play. Others go with the intention of playing, else it will have been a shit night!
Horses for courses.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yeah I could see our boundaries opening up during a visit to a club too if we were both comfortable. What did you mean by "You may not have a full social life but I am sure most here do and work and kids etc"? I didn't quite understand that,sorry. "
A lot of single men and some new couples all think most women and couples lives are having sex 24/7 with whoever messages at that time
You need to take into account your normal life kids and work etc put another couple into that and it's double
And arranging to meet at a club that is only one day. Month is hard
It's something you need to know just because you can play doesn't mean every other persons can |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In general how specific are people you guys meet in clubs? Me and my man visited one before we got serious, and I would say lack of research and communication between each other hindered (but didn't ruin) the experience. We were under the impression anyone who went to clubs wanted full sex with strangers,and expected everyone else there to be of the same mind set. Of course now we release from fab we should have done our research as alot of you guys are not all after the exact same thing,we didn't even know what soft swing was at the time. Although on here we see many profiles looking for specific things, is this common in the club scene? Because we are considering going just to dip our toes in the water,maybe play with Mr at a glory hole. Let him fuck me while I such strangers cock but nothing else. Would this sort of specific play be common as it appears to be on fab or would we just seems too specific because as I hear often "were all here for the same thing after all"?
I'm confused OP.
This is a single male profile (yes I read the bit about you being the male half of a couple - don't panic!!) and yet you talk of someone playing with Mr while you suck a cock.
All seems a bit....well.... the wrong way round ! As if it was a woman posting?
Anyway - back on track!! No, not everyone goes to clubs for the same thing. Some see it as a simple social environment where if the moods takes them and they really click with someone they will play. Others go with the intention of playing, else it will have been a shit night!
Horses for courses.
A"
Sorry for the confusion, Mr made up the profile but we both use it normally just to read the forum's. We should have made a couples profile before I decided to post or explained this forehand. Sorry for the confusion but thanks for the advice, our view of how we might have been viewed in a club has very much changed due to all your helpful reply, thanks x |
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We kind of went hell for leather on our first club visit and after we had quite a bit of "angst" (for want of a better word) over did we go too far, and should we have discussed it more first. Take our time more now. But no right or wrong, discuss it between yourselves and do what feels right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And if you do play don't take their word they have a condom on check especially id they take it out
As quite a lot of people don't use them and don't say and don't even have them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And if you do play don't take their word they have a condom on check especially id they take it out
As quite a lot of people don't use them and don't say and don't even have them "
Really? Thanks for the heads up! X |
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