FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > are we being impatient? advice?
are we being impatient? advice?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think it's just patience. 4way attraction is harder to find, x"
This 
We have a similar problem. The other couple may be just as picky as you, and hence the lost interest. Be patient and try to keep in touch with couples you feel a genuine interest in. Sometimes it can take ages just to plan a meet with another couple...4 people's schedules and all that.
-Courtney |
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
"Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
"
My experiences have been.... If the chemistry is good and we are all clear on what we want, I tend to move quite fast with the meet. I know some people prefer days and days of conversation and others can't meet at the drop of a hat but I find that it all quickly loses momentum. Conversations get lost within other people I'm speaking to.
Keep trying.
Have you thought about trying a club? |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
"
There are a couple of things you could address in your profile, but first, yes, you really need patience.
If you want to have a threesome or foursome, you need to have a alignment of five things:
1) Attraction! Mutual attraction between three is rare, and four rarer still.
2) Trust! All parties need to feel safe in meeting with a stranger.
3) Location! This is always tough. All the best matches seem to be at the opposite end of the country, unless you get really lucky.
4) Likes! Everybody wants different things from play. Finding people who want the same thing that you do can be tricky.
5) Timing! If you get all the above right, finding a date that all can play together is tough.
So you can see why you need to be patient. Other things in your approach though:
1) You only have a cam veri, which for most people here means nothing. The easiest way to pick up a meet veri is to go to a club and meet people there. If they are on Fab they will verify you as genuine, and people will feel more confident in meeting you.
2) You say your fem wants to give bi play 'a try'...most bi women will not want to be there as an experiment to see if you like it. Although some will, so it's not set in stone.
3) You should probably lose the swears. Telling single guys to f-off makes you appear to be angry people, and you are probably not. First impressions here are everything.
Hope that's helpful. It is worth perservering, as when you do finally find what you want here, it is amazing. Good luck!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
There are a couple of things you could address in your profile, but first, yes, you really need patience.
If you want to have a threesome or foursome, you need to have a alignment of five things:
1) Attraction! Mutual attraction between three is rare, and four rarer still.
2) Trust! All parties need to feel safe in meeting with a stranger.
3) Location! This is always tough. All the best matches seem to be at the opposite end of the country, unless you get really lucky.
4) Likes! Everybody wants different things from play. Finding people who want the same thing that you do can be tricky.
5) Timing! If you get all the above right, finding a date that all can play together is tough.
So you can see why you need to be patient. Other things in your approach though:
1) You only have a cam veri, which for most people here means nothing. The easiest way to pick up a meet veri is to go to a club and meet people there. If they are on Fab they will verify you as genuine, and people will feel more confident in meeting you.
2) You say your fem wants to give bi play 'a try'...most bi women will not want to be there as an experiment to see if you like it. Although some will, so it's not set in stone.
3) You should probably lose the swears. Telling single guys to f-off makes you appear to be angry people, and you are probably not. First impressions here are everything.
Hope that's helpful. It is worth perservering, as when you do finally find what you want here, it is amazing. Good luck! "
That's brilliant advice thanks!! |
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The very best way is to get out in the real world 99% of our meets come from people we have met and socialised with or played with previously in a club.
Just really look into the first club you pick as there is a big difference between them. Our first was the vanilla alternative and we can't recommend it highly enough.
The festival of fun weekend there at the beginning of August would be perfect for you even if you never played all weekend. You would get a ton of veri's and get to meet like minded people so you can jay and find out what it's all about with no expectation of play... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 things strike me. Firstly your profile focuses far more on what you don't want rather than what you do. And a profile with only a cam verification with a status asking for kik and with kik details and talk of snap chat in the profile would set off enough alarm bells for us to pass you by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, not telling single guys to f-off, but saying for f-s sake in connection with them."
Agee but not sure this answers the question about why people act oddly once you've struck up a conversation?
We've had exactly the same, we're fussy so the choice is limited to start with but of the 5 or so people we have started talking to, they have all but one just disappeared with no reason. They are well verified people too so seem legit. All we can think is that one partner is having the conversation but not telling the other until further down the road, at which point the other half says no thanks (the others are definitely right on four way attraction being difficult). It's just such a waste of time and effort and is slowly turning us off the idea of meeting someone via this site, sadly. We did put it down to profile or looks but that doesn't explain getting first conversations going as we always share recent pics. Maybe we're just weird!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"2 things strike me. Firstly your profile focuses far more on what you don't want rather than what you do. And a profile with only a cam verification with a status asking for kik and with kik details and talk of snap chat in the profile would set off enough alarm bells for us to pass you by. "
Thanks! These are very helpful I ask for kik just cos it's easier to contact folks and exchange pics.
But I see your point. It looks dodgy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say you're not interested in over 40s and then says you're looking for people aged 18-50.
The 'institutions' warning at the bottom is meaningless and just wastes peoples' eyes reading it and server space storing it.
Wouldn't make your kik public, many good people don't want to know it. We ourselves have found kik chats peter to nothing and all our real meets are from messages on here. So we don't bother with it any more either.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"2 things strike me. Firstly your profile focuses far more on what you don't want rather than what you do. And a profile with only a cam verification with a status asking for kik and with kik details and talk of snap chat in the profile would set off enough alarm bells for us to pass you by.
Thanks! These are very helpful I ask for kik just cos it's easier to contact folks and exchange pics.
But I see your point. It looks dodgy."
That's good advice ^
But coming from another early 20s couple, we've found going to clubs is the most effective way of meeting.
Rather than browsing profiles, we browse the meets section on dates we want to go out, saves having to organise a date to suit all.....seems to work for us
Hope that helps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
"
Well from a look at your profile I'd say
Pictures; as it stands it seems you're quite a pretty woman and a slightly out of focus penis.
Maybe get some clear pics of both of you up.
Then your profile text is more a list of donts rather than telling people about yourself and what you're after/offering.
Which will put a lot of people off. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Agee but not sure this answers the question about why people act oddly once you've struck up a conversation?
We've had exactly the same, we're fussy so the choice is limited to start with but of the 5 or so people we have started talking to, they have all but one just disappeared with no reason. They are well verified people too so seem legit. All we can think is that one partner is having the conversation but not telling the other until further down the road, at which point the other half says no thanks (the others are definitely right on four way attraction being difficult). It's just such a waste of time and effort and is slowly turning us off the idea of meeting someone via this site, sadly. We did put it down to profile or looks but that doesn't explain getting first conversations going as we always share recent pics. Maybe we're just weird! "
Well, it wasn't attempting to answer that question.
In answer to that though, who knows? People change, their lives change, you may bore them with your messages, you may have excited them so much that they have become frightened of the real possibilities of meeting...it's fruitless trying to work it out.
All you need know is that if they have stopped talking to you, you won't be meeting them. So forget them and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need patience lol and you will find out most couples just wanna chat about the sex meet but then when it comes down to it you wont hear from them, its easy to spot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So in 3 months you've only got the one cam veri .
You've chatted with suitable playmates but after a while they've gone cold on actually meeting .
It's simple really and you may not like it , but you are putting yourselves on a pedestal and putting potential meets off .
It's fine to have standards , we all have them .
But , and here's the thing - potential playmates are gonna figure you are judge them which puts them I'll at ease . To enjoy this lifestyle to the full you need to be approachable and laid back too . No matter how fit you are , playmates need to feel comfortable in your company . If you have been actuvely looking for over 3 months and no one reaches your criteria perhaps you need to alter your approach .
And don't waste time chatting and exchanging pics - arrange the meet and get it on . There are so many pic collectors and wannabes on here . You are in danger of being perceived as yet another !
Good luck |
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Well I can't speak for all bi single fems and as a larger fem I'm not what you are looking for, so my opinion may not count for much to you, but personally I find genitalia and play shots distasteful and indiscreet (some like them so have them but perhaps privately?) and prefer to see the more tasteful lingerie shots that you have displayed and there's more to a guy than just a cock try a nice bum and torso shot, as most will look at profiles before reading messages so it's nice to give the viewer variety of both halves of the couple.
Also most bi fems (not all) hate the idea of 'putting on a show' for the male, the clue is in the sexuality title we are bi, so we're more often than not involved for the male as well as the female for fully inclusive mutual play, in my personal experience in those circumstances it's more the guy that wants it and the fem is doing it to please him and isn't fully on board, but perhaps I've just been unlucky and need to look at my own selection process where that's concerned
But the biggest part, the key In fact, is mutual attraction for all parties involved and it's rare, I've had couples where I find the male attractive but not the fem and vice versa, it takes patience give it time.
Also, not sure the approach you use but on my former couples profile we were very successful at meeting fems through fab, but I led the profile (yes he would chat if requested but it rarely was) and found females found it less intimidating that way and it automatically ruled out a fake single guy posing as a couple to get meets. When you get used to fab and swinging you can generally quite easily tell if your speaking to the male or female of the couple from the flow of the conversation too
Hope this helps and good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your profile is good, maybe some sexy shots as opposed to blurry cock shots etc but other than that its an attractive profile. Maybe attend some socials whether at a club or otherwise and just be patient. Fab can be hit and miss but the more experience you get the more easily things should flow. Get a couple if goid veris under your belt and you should be on your way to finding what ur looking for.
Have fun dressing up for the purpose of taking some good pics and u will soon grab attention
Keep nosing at successful couples profile and pinch ideas. We change our profile regularly according to what we are after and update with experience.
Good luck guys
Mrs N xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yea you're right about forgetting about them, we're not the type to get hung up on individuals, guess it's just the effort which is wasted. Think we'll start looking for parties again, they seem a better way to get past the nonsense! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people date and swing with an impossible check list of requirements. This only sets them up to fail. The beauty of going out and meeting people is that you give them time to become aluring. Suddenly you find yourselves being attracted to someone in their early 40's, when previously you would've recoiled from the idea. I would always advise someone who's looking to date or to swing to set their options as wide as possible and to reduce their requirements to the absolute minimum... then just get out and meet people, give them a chance to seduce you, and if it doesn't work just give your polite apologies and walk away  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
"
If you do a Google search for "poly couple privilege" you'll get some interesting articles from websites like solopoly and morethantwo. They talk about couple privilege, what it is, and why it might put single women off when you're searching for them.
If you recognise it in your relationship/approach you might like to take some time and review how you're doing things, then have another go.
As a single women looking for couples I can tell within a few messages if people are a good fit for me, or if they have quite alot of couple privilege and it's not going to be such a good experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hoping some more experienced swingers could help us out.
We're a good looking couple(we say so ourselves) in our twenties, we've been looking for single ladies or couples similar age to us for nearly 3 months now and haven't come close to finding anybody to meet up with yet.
We speak with a couple or girl every week and they seem to lose interest after a couple of days of chatting soon as we mention a possible meet in the future.
There is an element of pickiness on our end cos we both need to be attracted to both members of a couple and we don't go for overweight folks.
Is there something wrong with our approach or should we just stay patient?
If you do a Google search for "poly couple privilege" you'll get some interesting articles from websites like solopoly and morethantwo. They talk about couple privilege, what it is, and why it might put single women off when you're searching for them.
If you recognise it in your relationship/approach you might like to take some time and review how you're doing things, then have another go.
As a single women looking for couples I can tell within a few messages if people are a good fit for me, or if they have quite alot of couple privilege and it's not going to be such a good experience."
Particularly the article from 2013 titled: Couple privilege: Having it doesn’t necessarily make you an asshole (but it might)
It's a good read. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you do a Google search for "poly couple privilege" you'll get some interesting articles from websites like solopoly and morethantwo. They talk about couple privilege, what it is, and why it might put single women off when you're searching for them.
If you recognise it in your relationship/approach you might like to take some time and review how you're doing things, then have another go.
As a single women looking for couples I can tell within a few messages if people are a good fit for me, or if they have quite alot of couple privilege and it's not going to be such a good experience."
I was very interersted to read up on couple privilege and thanks for that. But I worry that it favours one form of polyamory over others. I understand that your take on it is a loose network of single sattelites all equally involved in each other. However, we feel that a primary couple interconnecting with secondary relationships also works. This second approach seems to be something that "couple privilege" thinkers feel negative about.
I would say the key thing is that you consider whoever you swing with to be real people, with real souls... to be seduced and celebrated.. and if you're open to polyamory.. to be loved and cuddled and befriended. If that's all that's meant by "couple privilege" then yes... we agree. But it feels like "couple privilege" is a very anti-couples way of describing the problem.
Did any of that make anysense? lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We find the best meets off Fabswingers happen fairly quickly with little interaction, we've learnt from experience that if we fancy other people we want to play and go with a let's see what happens attitude for all the interaction on here it doesn't mean you'll all click when playing
Kik, what's app, Skype all a waste of time and energy, get out there and meet people, arrange meets quickly or try a club, if you're not excited about meeting people and playing then swinging may not be for you, we won't critique you're profile no one ever reads them properly anyway x |
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By *ngeluk69Woman
over a year ago
Near enough |
Quite simply... get yourself out and about, be sociable, be friendly, be available.
Forget the KIK, WhatsApp, Snapchat and all that, its just another way of wasting time, I can understand why some use it, but why complicate things.
Ive read through all the above posts and the one that stuck out for me is putting yourself on a pedestal regarding standards, and thats not a criticism, we have all done it at some point.
I met a guy at a club recently and to be totally and utterly honest I threw the 'rules' i had made for myself out the window (if he reads this he will be instantly strutting around), I have read so many profiles on here that are like a list of do's and dont's, wills and wont's and its fair to say that until you get yourself out there, you probably don't really know what you want, thats how it happened to me.
You could write someone off because of their profile or a message they've sent, but meet someone in person, say at a club, and totally hit it off and be playing... no apps for that you know and hey if you meet at a club and theres no spark theres plenty of other people to chat and play with.
Have fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you do a Google search for "poly couple privilege" you'll get some interesting articles from websites like solopoly and morethantwo. They talk about couple privilege, what it is, and why it might put single women off when you're searching for them.
If you recognise it in your relationship/approach you might like to take some time and review how you're doing things, then have another go.
As a single women looking for couples I can tell within a few messages if people are a good fit for me, or if they have quite alot of couple privilege and it's not going to be such a good experience.
I was very interersted to read up on couple privilege and thanks for that. But I worry that it favours one form of polyamory over others. I understand that your take on it is a loose network of single sattelites all equally involved in each other. However, we feel that a primary couple interconnecting with secondary relationships also works. This second approach seems to be something that "couple privilege" thinkers feel negative about.
I would say the key thing is that you consider whoever you swing with to be real people, with real souls... to be seduced and celebrated.. and if you're open to polyamory.. to be loved and cuddled and befriended. If that's all that's meant by "couple privilege" then yes... we agree. But it feels like "couple privilege" is a very anti-couples way of describing the problem.
Did any of that make anysense? lol "
Yes for sure.
One of my partners has what many would call a 'primary' relationship although I am still allowed into major decision making processes and so forth that would affect me as something that he (occasionally they) date.
If anything major is happening that is likely to affect me, I get consulted and he/they check in to make sure I feel like the relationship/s going well from my end. We regularly all have lunch together with no promise of play afterwards just to make sure we're all still on the same wavelength.
When we play as a three I never feel like I'm there just for their pleasure or as their sex toy. We play as three individuals together, not as a couple and a single. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey,
Just read your profile, and seeing as you asked for feedback...
It reads unevenly - on one hand, you are saying you are new to this, and want to see how it goes, and then it's into a list of pretty naughty things! Suggest keeping it general (to my eyes it reads as quite a blokey 'to do' sex list - not about 'a vibe').
I suggest going to couples nights and getting straight into the meets, meet in person rather than days of chatting online - this may sound odd, but it's based on fact - scent is very important, and F2F convo.
Finally, this is just me, i'm always a bit cautious about under 30's - swinging is an intense experience and i'm cautious about how ready younger people are for it - a lot of cultural pornification may push people into thinking they have to be having crazy sex 24/7 rather than doing it because they want to (apologies younger swingers who know exactly what they are doing - this is purely how I feel).
Good luck with getting what you both want on here x |
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