FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is it just me?
Is it just me?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So, I have sent quite a few messages since joining. I always thoroughly read profiles and try to tailor a message based on something I've read. If not, I do my best to make it unique anyway and not just "Hi".
I've only had 2 replies from all the messages.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't a whine thread, just wondering if it's my approach to messages..... Something in my profile? Feedback welcome  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It probably isn't your message that stops them replying, They will most likely look at your profile/pics and decide you are not what they are looking for, |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
I usually avoid specific advice on what to include - makes for generic samey profiles.
But hints as to what might be wrong?
Two pics - one not great and the dog tags in the other will put off anyone averse to the military.
The text is bland and doesn't really make you stand out.
As for your messages? You'd have to ask those that you sent them to - but in reality that's a bad plan as if they e not responded a second message will appear pushy.
If YOU saw your profile looking at it from the point of view of your target market - would you send a message? Or would you send one to someone else?
A |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Your profile is quite bland to be honest, inject some humour, say what your looking for and what you can offer, at least you have some pics though on the plus side that isn't just your cock  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I have sent quite a few messages since joining. I always thoroughly read profiles and try to tailor a message based on something I've read. If not, I do my best to make it unique anyway and not just "Hi".
I've only had 2 replies from all the messages.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't a whine thread, just wondering if it's my approach to messages..... Something in my profile? Feedback welcome "
Tbh no its fine, if you sent me a face pic and i wasnt attracted i wouldnt reply |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok, so spice up the profile text. Fair enough, I'll put some thought into it. I'll probably add some other photos soon too. I am a bloody photographer after all. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"The only thing that would make me wary is that you put "I tend to get rough."
"
I thought that but then I thought, well, at least he's letting people know so wusses like me would not bother.
Apart from that, profile is fine, and I love the dog-tag pic. Maybe a couple more pics though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There doesn't appear to be any references to Star Wars so you're losing that audience for starters  "
Damnit, should have known that was the problem mate! Cheers for the pointer  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love the photos and the dog tags , but totally agree it's probably the rough and dominant bits that would stop me replying as even though I do like a bit of rough play and to be dominanted I wouldn't meet a guy who couldn't be gentle as well or let me take charge for a while
A x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not just you OP..... Lots of guys struggle but mostly through a lack of effort on their profiles.
Like a previous poster said....being specific ends up with all profiles being the same.
Be yourself...but a lack of effort still shouts as a lack of effort....and will be reflected in a lack of results. |
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Well I personally like military guys and love it rough, so those would both be a plus points for me... If that's what he is looking for and is proud of, he should put it out there... No point in pretending to be Mr gentle if that's not his thing, is there? Would be false advertising otherwise! Good luck, OP- it's a tough crowd on here! Keep on keeping on, take it all with a pinch of salt, and your patience will reward you, I'm sure |
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"Lots of people are put off by military guys too.
Why? I'm actually an army brat and also with armed forces day yesterday, I find this a very strange comment indeed  "
For once I'd have to disagree that Wasp_Hunter hasn't made a strange comment. Not a few women are put off by military men. Something to do with their mindset. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers all. I'm actually aware that being a "military" guy can put people off. But as someone has already said, I'm not going to lie about anything. I'd rather you know what I'm about from the offset than end up meeting and you doing a runner when you find out what I do for a living.
Same applies for the "rough" comment. No point in dressing it up in my mind, I could say I am "very intense" in the bedroom. But that's a bit ambiguous no?
I don't want to give everything away in my profile, that's why it is brief, but if it does come across as "too" brief, then it's getting spiced up.
Picture wise, I'll add to the collection, not a problem.
Cheers again! Hope everyone's had an awesome weekend |
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"The only thing that would make me wary is that you put "I tend to get rough."
I thought that but then I thought, well, at least he's letting people know so wusses like me would not bother.
Apart from that, profile is fine, and I love the dog-tag pic. Maybe a couple more pics though."
That's the part that caught my eye  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Lots of people are put off by military guys too.
Why? I'm actually an army brat and also with armed forces day yesterday, I find this a very strange comment indeed
For once I'd have to disagree that Wasp_Hunter hasn't made a strange comment. Not a few women are put off by military men. Something to do with their mindset."
I'm not. I worked with soldiers for 10 years and pretty much enjoyed every minute. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Lots of people are put off by military guys too.
Why? I'm actually an army brat and also with armed forces day yesterday, I find this a very strange comment indeed
For once I'd have to disagree that Wasp_Hunter hasn't made a strange comment. Not a few women are put off by military men. Something to do with their mindset.
I'm not. I worked with soldiers for 10 years and pretty much enjoyed every minute."
And I was brought up with them and worked in the local NAFFI, it was a great life with guys who actually knew what banter was |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though."
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?"
Oooh, tactical thinking there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there "
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D"
Pro-tip: no-one reads them. That's why you need more pics.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D
Pro-tip: no-one reads them. That's why you need more pics. "
Gotcha |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D"
For me it needs enough to hook me... I don't do a hundred questions - its like the most boring job interview in the world, and I also find people tend to play silly buggers and answer they way they think they should to get in my knickers, not how they really want to.
So decent profile or its a no further for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You will appeal to some and not to others, you can always increase your chances by attending clubs and socials. Best advice I can give is to make your profile reflect you and wait for those people who are attracted to who you really are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?"
That is very true |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D
Pro-tip: no-one reads them. That's why you need more pics.
Gotcha "
Especially of your arse  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D
For me it needs enough to hook me... I don't do a hundred questions - its like the most boring job interview in the world, and I also find people tend to play silly buggers and answer they way they think they should to get in my knickers, not how they really want to.
So decent profile or its a no further for me."
Yeah, I think this too.
I get guys who write to me on the strength of my profile (I guess because it's quite detailed about my situation and what I'm looking for) and yet they only have two or three short lines on their own. They say 'ask me whatever you want' but I struggle to come up with questions to just ask like that (even though I interview people for a living because I'm an journalist. Not a very good one, mind.)
Just tell me about you. Tell me what you're into. You're obviously into kink - tell me about that on your profile. Tell me about what you enjoy for fun. Tell me if there is anyone else in your life, or perhaps that you don't want a relationship. Or maybe you do. I don't know. Just tell me something! |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D"
thought you said that people werent engaging....so dont clarify and possibly lose out...it put me off immediately..dont expect us to be mind readers...and want to 'engage' with something, whch might not be our thing generally, but might not know what you mean by that..thats like asking for extra effort, most of us dont have time and just move on, rather than question what is, lets face it, pretty blunt.
you've two ladies that like the 'im rough' maybe if you said im rough, if you like x, y and z, im the guy for you... you might have a few more...not fluffing it up just expansion, and reaching out to a woman's mind...good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheers all. I'm actually aware that being a "military" guy can put people off. But as someone has already said, I'm not going to lie about anything. I'd rather you know what I'm about from the offset than end up meeting and you doing a runner when you find out what I do for a living.
Same applies for the "rough" comment. No point in dressing it up in my mind, I could say I am "very intense" in the bedroom. But that's a bit ambiguous no?
I don't want to give everything away in my profile, that's why it is brief, but if it does come across as "too" brief, then it's getting spiced up.
Picture wise, I'll add to the collection, not a problem.
Cheers again! Hope everyone's had an awesome weekend "
Perfect response.
You are who you are. I like that you have a profile that isn't too bland and "samey". It's individual. It will appeal or not.
I mean, I like it but I like military and I like rough play....though I like it mixed with the smooth too.
There again we aren't local and even if we were I wouldn't suit your needs.
So, it's a case of finding someone who likes you and likes what you like and at the same time that you like. It's not easy.
Think about the messages you send, tailor them well and you will see results.
PS lush photos |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, your spelling and commatation is working in your favour, but your age preference is ruling me out.
( I bet you don't have long hair either)
Janie x"
Thanks. I pride myself on good grammar. I find ability (or lack thereof) to communicate through textual means, to be a great indicator of a person in general.
And no, my hair is not long, and I don't have the ability to grow it long either thanks to it being so thin. I blame my Dad.
"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D
Pro-tip: no-one reads them. That's why you need more pics.
Gotcha
Especially of your arse "
Haha! Whilst out for a run one day, a colleague behind me proclaimed "Oh I do love running behind you and your J-Lo ass mate". Made me laugh.
"I'd want you to clarify the "rough" comment.
The military bit isn't a turn off at all though.
If you wanted to find out what I meant by rough, surely that's what the message function is for......?
Oooh, tactical thinking there
Like I said, I don't want to give everything away in the profile. Where's the fun in engaging someone and finding out things one to one? If everything is listed nice and neatly on the profile page! :D
For me it needs enough to hook me... I don't do a hundred questions - its like the most boring job interview in the world, and I also find people tend to play silly buggers and answer they way they think they should to get in my knickers, not how they really want to.
So decent profile or its a no further for me.
Yeah, I think this too.
I get guys who write to me on the strength of my profile (I guess because it's quite detailed about my situation and what I'm looking for) and yet they only have two or three short lines on their own. They say 'ask me whatever you want' but I struggle to come up with questions to just ask like that (even though I interview people for a living because I'm an journalist. Not a very good one, mind.)
Just tell me about you. Tell me what you're into. You're obviously into kink - tell me about that on your profile. Tell me about what you enjoy for fun. Tell me if there is anyone else in your life, or perhaps that you don't want a relationship. Or maybe you do. I don't know. Just tell me something!"
Ok. I will endevour to reveal more of myself for the viewing public. Thanks for the input.
Side note, terrible shame you are only looking for bi men at the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm ex military, love the military but I don't like the dog tags photo either. Why broadcast it and I'm sorry but no one would be wearing their dog tags whilst playing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Ok. I will endevour to reveal more of myself for the viewing public. Thanks for the input.
Side note, terrible shame you are only looking for bi men at the moment."
I occasionally make exceptions for adventurous dominant men. But I've not found any on this site yet who I click with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cpls and women-even fat and ugly/smelly cpls can have their pick of desperate sad men on this site. Don't take rejection personally.
Do I detect a whiff of bitterness?
Perhaps just experience. "
Just experience. No bitterness at all. How others choose to play is none of our concern, just contributing an opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if i was picky one word would put me off - 'tend' - even though you say you can be gentle you say you tend to get rough - it might bother some - just saying - i like it as it says it like it is - you will never please all so show it as you fell content with x |
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