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BDSM fun
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"I have watched couples at my local club playing in the dungeon spanking paddles whips and all the tools of the bdsm, I have enjoyed watching the ladys being punished and played with, I am wanting to meet a new sub female to play and explore with has anyone particularly ladys any advice please, I enjoy using all the things in the bdsm aspect, what is the difference between a master and a dom? what does a master do in comparison to a dom, any help would be appreciated private message me if your a female and living in the north of England and wanting to start out being a submissive maybe we can learn together. " A master tends to be the top in a master/slave relationship and a Dom is part of a Dom/sub relationship. In that respect, a master is a different type of Dom. A master can also mean they have a certain skill, practise or fetish, such as a master of rope. The word master gets thrown around a lot. Try and look for local munches or attend your local club on a fetish theme night and talk to people. | |||
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"I have watched couples at my local club playing in the dungeon spanking paddles whips and all the tools of the bdsm, I have enjoyed watching the ladys being punished and played with, I am wanting to meet a new sub female to play and explore with has anyone particularly ladys any advice please, I enjoy using all the things in the bdsm aspect, what is the difference between a master and a dom? what does a master do in comparison to a dom, any help would be appreciated private message me if your a female and living in the north of England and wanting to start out being a submissive maybe we can learn together. " They are different lifestyle approaches. Dominants usually have submissives. Masters usually have slaves. Activities can be similar, mindset is usually difference. | |||
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"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you" Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun. | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun." I'd rather have someone who is experienced in the scene rather than someone who has watched people a handful of times | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun. I'd rather have someone who is experienced in the scene rather than someone who has watched people a handful of times" I'd rather have someone prepared to grow with me and explore what we enjoy *together*. That doesn't seem to happen so much with experienced people, they seem to already know what they want. | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun. I'd rather have someone who is experienced in the scene rather than someone who has watched people a handful of times I'd rather have someone prepared to grow with me and explore what we enjoy *together*. That doesn't seem to happen so much with experienced people, they seem to already know what they want." The Wasp is right! Sorry | |||
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"Thanks for all the advice, I have seen this in my club dungeon dozens of times not just a couple of times, I have played with a couple of Doms wives and enjoyed it so that's why I am looking to get further into it,i need instruction from a dom sub couple where the dom shows me the ropes so to speak, watch learn partake, if there is a dom out there willing to let me in on a session I would be very grateful. " What do you feel like you will learn from this experience? Do you think anyone can teach you what your partner would like? Surely it would be better to ask your (prospective) partner what they enjoy - since all submissive people don't enjoy the same things. | |||
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"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun. I'd rather have someone who is experienced in the scene rather than someone who has watched people a handful of times I'd rather have someone prepared to grow with me and explore what we enjoy *together*. That doesn't seem to happen so much with experienced people, they seem to already know what they want." I do agree with you, what I meant was, all these plastic "doms" thinking that just because they've watched people, porn, films, makes them an expert, which is why I suggested a pro, not necessarily to teach them, but more to show them how to do things properly so as not to cause injury or harm to themselves or their partners | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun. I'd rather have someone who is experienced in the scene rather than someone who has watched people a handful of times I'd rather have someone prepared to grow with me and explore what we enjoy *together*. That doesn't seem to happen so much with experienced people, they seem to already know what they want." Does that not depend on the mindset of the Master or Mistress? The benefit of being experienced is that you can teach properly,at a measured pace to suite the subs inexperience.. BDSM is a huge genre,covering many different things .. Imagine wanting to explore being whipped or flogged Its a bit like first time anal.. Off some randy guy with no experience or someone who has done it a few times so can make it nicer for you?  | |||
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"For guys I would say the scene is different. Or rather maybe for dominants. I am on a kink site as well and the number of women who get pissed off by people trying to be Doms, or calling themselves Doms is incredible. What's more unfortunate are the women who identify as subs and throw themselves at the nearest Dom and get hurt!"
Fifty shades of gray has a lot to answer for! | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun. I'd rather have someone who is experienced in the scene rather than someone who has watched people a handful of times I'd rather have someone prepared to grow with me and explore what we enjoy *together*. That doesn't seem to happen so much with experienced people, they seem to already know what they want. Does that not depend on the mindset of the Master or Mistress? The benefit of being experienced is that you can teach properly,at a measured pace to suite the subs inexperience.. BDSM is a huge genre,covering many different things .. Imagine wanting to explore being whipped or flogged Its a bit like first time anal.. Off some randy guy with no experience or someone who has done it a few times so can make it nicer for you? "My partner and I identify as master/slave and I have never been 'taught' anything when it comes to kink. I've always been with people who have been willing to take it easy and go slowly, and then we discover exciting things together. There are many people who will offer to 'teach' prospective dominants - especially if you're a woman. But I've yet to see much value in that kind of thing at all. Of course I guess some people enjoy that style of learning more than the feeling it out method that I personally enjoy. Everyone is different. But you need to know *what* you want to learn before you engage someones services. And that's very tricky to pin down in BDSM. | |||
"For guys I would say the scene is different. Or rather maybe for dominants. I am on a kink site as well and the number of women who get pissed off by people trying to be Doms, or calling themselves Doms is incredible. What's more unfortunate are the women who identify as subs and throw themselves at the nearest Dom and get hurt!
Fifty shades of gray has a lot to answer for!"No it doesn't. That's been a major complaint on the BDSM scene for the 15 years that I've been involved in it. | |||
"For guys I would say the scene is different. Or rather maybe for dominants. I am on a kink site as well and the number of women who get pissed off by people trying to be Doms, or calling themselves Doms is incredible. What's more unfortunate are the women who identify as subs and throw themselves at the nearest Dom and get hurt!
Fifty shades of gray has a lot to answer for!
No it doesn't. That's been a major complaint on the BDSM scene for the 15 years that I've been involved in it."A) the comment was to a certain extent a joke! B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun." Very much agree with this!  | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. " Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend?" No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!  | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip! "What qualifies you as a dom or a sub then? As I have never taken an examination, and feel like perhaps I should have done. | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip! "I've had no training, nor am I some wanna be... You should come and find out for yourself! | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!
What qualifies you as a dom or a sub then?
As I have never taken an examination, and feel like perhaps I should have done."No exam required (though I think that sounds fun!) Experience qualifies you. There is a massive difference between someone that has participated in dom/sub play on multiple occasions and knows what it entails, to someone who likes the idea so therefore tells people they are one! | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!
I've had no training, nor am I some wanna be... You should come and find out for yourself!"Trying to decide if this is a friendly come on or a threat lol | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!
What qualifies you as a dom or a sub then?
As I have never taken an examination, and feel like perhaps I should have done.
No exam required (though I think that sounds fun!)
Experience qualifies you.
There is a massive difference between someone that has participated in dom/sub play on multiple occasions and knows what it entails, to someone who likes the idea so therefore tells people they are one! "Cool. So like, just knowing that you're dominant or submissive (or switchy) in bed isn't enough. You have to have a certain amount of experiences. So like... is that measured in years? Perhaps the number of times you've attended a fetish club? Maybe it's the amount of money you've paid a pro - like you're only allowed to call yourself a sub if you're paid a pro over £1000? And I guess someone should write a text book on what it entails, so that everyone is straight on that and doesn't do their own thing. Can't have people thinking for themselves, can we? | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!
I've had no training, nor am I some wanna be... You should come and find out for yourself!
Trying to decide if this is a friendly come on or a threat lol"Friendly come on and an instruction  | |||
" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!
What qualifies you as a dom or a sub then?
As I have never taken an examination, and feel like perhaps I should have done.
No exam required (though I think that sounds fun!)
Experience qualifies you.
There is a massive difference between someone that has participated in dom/sub play on multiple occasions and knows what it entails, to someone who likes the idea so therefore tells people they are one!
Cool. So like, just knowing that you're dominant or submissive (or switchy) in bed isn't enough. You have to have a certain amount of experiences.
So like... is that measured in years? Perhaps the number of times you've attended a fetish club? Maybe it's the amount of money you've paid a pro - like you're only allowed to call yourself a sub if you're paid a pro over £1000?
And I guess someone should write a text book on what it entails, so that everyone is straight on that and doesn't do their own thing.
Can't have people thinking for themselves, can we?"Basically what your saying is if someone is having vanilla sex missionary style and thinks what they are doing is being a 'dom' because they are on top, makes them one? However you argue it, it doesn't. BDSM like every thing has degrees and of course some people are more hardcore than others and that doesn't make them any less into BDSM, some doms are more dominant/aggressive/hardcore and that doesn't make them any less of a dom IF they are meeting the general definition of one but that doesn't make any tom dick or harry that fancys it a dom either! There is no rule book, nor should there be, sex is a very personalised thing and no one is saying they can't learn to be a dom/sub or that they can't participate in that life style if they wish, what I'm saying is if they have never done it, no basically nothing about it, they are not one, and shouldn't say they are one just because the fancy takes them. | |||
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" B) yes it has alway been a complaint on the BDSM scene, however before fifty shades of gray every house wife around the world didn't even know there was a scene!the number of men and women claiming to be dom/sub,master/slave has gone up ten fold since everybody read the books and decided this sounded like something they might enjoy, so obviously that must make them a 'sub/dom!'because the thought of it gets them off. Sounds like how I got into it to be honest. Found out that there was a scene (from the internet though) and then got into it as a sub because the thought of it got me off. Are there any other reasons at all to get into BDSM other than because it gets you off? And is a book a less valid way to discover it than the internet or a friend? No there isn't. But as I'm sure u know, being into it and it doing it for u does not then make u a dom/sub. I like Italian food but that doesn't make me a chef lol. By all means the more the merrier! If people think they would like to be a dom or a sub then come play, learn, experiment whatever, but to say they ARE a dom/sub without having a clue what they are doing, can be not only disappointed and misleading to who they are playing with but in some cases dangerous too. I can't think of anything more scary than a novice with a bull whip!
What qualifies you as a dom or a sub then?
As I have never taken an examination, and feel like perhaps I should have done.
No exam required (though I think that sounds fun!)
Experience qualifies you.
There is a massive difference between someone that has participated in dom/sub play on multiple occasions and knows what it entails, to someone who likes the idea so therefore tells people they are one!
Cool. So like, just knowing that you're dominant or submissive (or switchy) in bed isn't enough. You have to have a certain amount of experiences.
So like... is that measured in years? Perhaps the number of times you've attended a fetish club? Maybe it's the amount of money you've paid a pro - like you're only allowed to call yourself a sub if you're paid a pro over £1000?
And I guess someone should write a text book on what it entails, so that everyone is straight on that and doesn't do their own thing.
Can't have people thinking for themselves, can we?
Basically what your saying is if someone is having vanilla sex missionary style and thinks what they are doing is being a 'dom' because they are on top, makes them one? However you argue it, it doesn't. BDSM like every thing has degrees and of course some people are more hardcore than others and that doesn't make them any less into BDSM, some doms are more dominant/aggressive/hardcore and that doesn't make them any less of a dom IF they are meeting the general definition of one but that doesn't make any tom dick or harry that fancys it a dom either!
There is no rule book, nor should there be, sex is a very personalised thing and no one is saying they can't learn to be a dom/sub or that they can't participate in that life style if they wish, what I'm saying is if they have never done it, no basically nothing about it, they are not one, and shouldn't say they are one just because the fancy takes them."So what you're saying is, basically, that there are absolutely no requirements or guidelines for calling yourself doninant, but that people shouldn't just call themselves dominant if they feel that is a label they identify with. I'm winding you up here, but it's an attitude I've grown to hate over the past fifteen years. I've often had people tell me I'm not a proper dominant, or a master, or years ago that I wasnt a proper submissive. That I don't have enough experience, or I've not studied with a particular person. It's all bullshit of course. If you enjoy being dominant sexually, then you are dominant. Sometimes I'm dominant just through being on top during sex and telling him to stay still and not come. Sometimes I immobilize him, punch him and cut him with knives. It's not the actions or the toys that make me dominant - it's my mindset. And you don't need any experience to know your mindset. | |||
"There is absolutely no point in finding a dub when you've only watched people a couple of times, get some hands on experience with a pro who can teach you Bollocks. You don't have to be taught anything about BDSM. Just use some common sense, figure out what you enjoy and get on with having fun together. That's all BDSM is - having fun." I love your posts and opinion. | |||
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