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I finally did it
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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i finally laid it al out last night. Every detail of my fantasies and wishes for the wife to get fucked by someone else!!
Whilst she wasn't upset, shocked or anything negative she hardly jumped to her phone book to arrange anything either. She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up. |
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I will if you say "I have to" no woman or man should have to.. Unless your sub and have to for master of course.. If that how she feels then I can see trouble ahead. I wouldn't say anything in the morning, leave for few days and then ask if she has given anymore thought to it. Maybe once she starts to think about it she will want to try out of choice and not because she has to. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps that first conversation will progress into further discussions - what happened with us was over the space of 18 months we shared ideas, made plans, changed our minds and negotiated what we would like to happen next. We watched porn, read up on swinging on you tube and internet etc.
It was me that first brought swinging up as something I would like to try then Mr was keen and I wasn't so sure, then I was all up for it but he wanted to wait etc etc. Eventually we both agreed to try it once - no pressure to continue if not enjoying it. Am pleased to say we are having a great time ! Good luck M x |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
'I am happy with you but if you say I have to I will' means she doesn't want to do it.....it means she is happy with you - doesn't want to do anyone else.... If she did it she would be compromising her own wants and needs to keep you happy which is no basis for a relationship  |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
"i finally laid it al out last night. Every detail of my fantasies and wishes for the wife to get fucked by someone else!!
Whilst she wasn't upset, shocked or anything negative she hardly jumped to her phone book to arrange anything either. She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up. "
How can you say 'not sure if that's a code for of course if do but I don't want to seem eager'????? Read the words she said - the actual words - not what you would like them to mean but the words as they are written  |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
We don't know your wife, only you do, certainly in the sixties and seventies it would have almost always meant Yes I am interested but don't want to seem eager.
As in those days women were not supposed to enjoy sex that alone want it with strangers.
Today society's views have changed and it is accepted women want and enjoy sex as much as men therefore the situation is different.
Do you have any reason to think your wife would feel the need to use code with you?
I would leave the subject for a while then broach it at a later date, why rush things and ruin what you have?
You never know she might mull the suggestion over in her mind for a while then ask you.
In the meantime I would suggest you get to know your wife better |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all. I have to agree. I've said my piece. If she didn't jump at the chance then it's not right. She now knows my feelings on the matter and that's the end of it
She does like to play very sub but I won't budge on this unless I'm happy it's very consentual. Just needed reminding as the great night we had was clouding my better judgment. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"'I am happy with you but if you say I have to I will' means she doesn't want to do it.....it means she is happy with you - doesn't want to do anyone else.... If she did it she would be compromising her own wants and needs to keep you happy which is no basis for a relationship "
 |
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"i finally laid it al out last night. Every detail of my fantasies and wishes for the wife to get fucked by someone else!!
Whilst she wasn't upset, shocked or anything negative she hardly jumped to her phone book to arrange anything either. She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up. "
"I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will." She repeated this time and time again.
How can you feel that this is an ambiguous statement? |
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Personally, if I was you.
The first thing that I would do is to re-assure her that you'll never ask her to do anything she doesn't want to.
Next I would ask her if she'd be willing to go to a club, just to experience the atmosphere and watch a bit of the action.
Also, I would be using a bit of dirty talk themed around your fantasy whilst you're "making love" to see if it peaks her interest.
Cal. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"i finally laid it al out last night. Every detail of my fantasies and wishes for the wife to get fucked by someone else!!
Whilst she wasn't upset, shocked or anything negative she hardly jumped to her phone book to arrange anything either. She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up.
"I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will." She repeated this time and time again.
How can you feel that this is an ambiguous statement?"
When I read it back I see your point. I suppose I have an insight where I know she likes to play sub and will never ask for anything sexually and often simply says if I have to!!! However I think I've answered my own question here if there's a degree of doubt then it doesn't continue. Thanks all x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally, if I was you.
The first thing that I would do is to re-assure her that you'll never ask her to do anything she doesn't want to.
Next I would ask her if she'd be willing to go to a club, just to experience the atmosphere and watch a bit of the action.
Also, I would be using a bit of dirty talk themed around your fantasy whilst you're "making love" to see if it peaks her interest.
Cal."
That's really helpful thank you.  |
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"
That's really helpful thank you. "
I think the final thing to add to that, would be: Make it clear that she is the one in charge, that you will not try to coerce her into "anything" that she's not happy with, and that if she says no/stop then that will be the end of it.
Trust is everything in a relationship, and without trust the relationship WILL suffer.
Good Luck, Cal. |
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Op I think you really need to look at your relationship and what it means to you.
She said she's happy with you but will do it if she has to.
There's no code there, she's happy but is willing to do whatever makes you happy. Are you prepared to do the same and drop it?
Judging free the fact you meet up with men behold her back I'd wager not.
I feel sorry for the poor woman, not only is she prepared to do something she doesn't want to keep you happy but you're already sucking dick behind her back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds a bit like she is doing it for you to please you, it is the wrong reasons for her to do it.
She must really want to do this, we have met a couple the female half just doing it for him, its not good to be fair.
Her |
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"i finally laid it al out last night. Every detail of my fantasies and wishes for the wife to get fucked by someone else!!
Whilst she wasn't upset, shocked or anything negative she hardly jumped to her phone book to arrange anything either. She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up.
"I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will." She repeated this time and time again.
How can you feel that this is an ambiguous statement?
When I read it back I see your point. I suppose I have an insight where I know she likes to play sub and will never ask for anything sexually and often simply says if I have to!!! However I think I've answered my own question here if there's a degree of doubt then it doesn't continue. Thanks all x "
I have to ask you then if you have a degree of insight why you feel you need to run this past a bunch of strangers? This is your life partner, we don't know her yet when I point out that there is no ambiguity in her statement you explain that because you know her you feel there is.
Only one person can tell you if she means what she says and that's who you need to talk to. Not us. |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
"When I read it back I see your point. I suppose I have an insight where I know she likes to play sub and will never ask for anything sexually and often simply says if I have to!!! However I think I've answered my own question here if there's a degree of doubt then it doesn't continue. Thanks all x "
I am sub but we are doing this because we both want too - being a sub isn't about doing something to don't want to do just to keep your boyfriend happy. There is a big difference about a coy teasing 'make me' and a quiet, sad sounding I will do it if you make me......nothing about your original post or subsequent posts sound like she was teasing or being sub but sounds everything like a woman who was happy being just you two but is now realising that you aren't...... |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
"She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. "
I honestly feel really sorry for this woman, that sounds like my heart is breaking but I cannot tell him.
I think you need to drop it for a while, and then have an honest discussion - and be prepared to actually hear her say it is not for her.
I also feel for her that she is being discussed on a swinging site behind her back - this is the woman you are supposed to respect and cherish above all others.
I wish you luck. |
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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago
Chatham |
" Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up. "
One thing that really shocks me on these forums is how little some couples seem to communicate. This is your life partner, your other half and you don't seem to know what she means and you seem confused by her reaction.
I'd say you need to remind her that you love her, she comes first in your eyes and fantasies, while nice to indulge, are not anywhere near as important to you as the love of your life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally, if I was you.
The first thing that I would do is to re-assure her that you'll never ask her to do anything she doesn't want to.
Next I would ask her if she'd be willing to go to a club, just to experience the atmosphere and watch a bit of the action.
Also, I would be using a bit of dirty talk themed around your fantasy whilst you're "making love" to see if it peaks her interest.
Cal."
Good ideas Cal, the atmosphere at the club on our first visit and trusting that we respected each others wishes meant that we felt curious to extend our first experience further m x |
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Personal opinion of course...if I was in the same situation I would listen to the words said and in the morning explain that it is a fantasy (can't go back on that now) but it's going to be just that, a fantasy, assuming that your relationship is important to you. Best of luck. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
ever discussed using a safe word in conversation as well as within action..
id make this available,all the time, then you wouldn't have to second guess anytime about anything...
just a suggestion x |
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"i finally laid it al out last night. Every detail of my fantasies and wishes for the wife to get fucked by someone else!!
Whilst she wasn't upset, shocked or anything negative she hardly jumped to her phone book to arrange anything either. She simply said "I'm happy with you but if you say I have to I will". She repeated this time and time again. Not sure if that's code for of course I do but I don't want to seem eager. Or simply I will to keep you happy. I did say forget about it now because we both have to be up for it!! Don't now what to say when she gets up. "
Does not scream out as a ringing endorsement to be fair. More talking required id say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi OP. It certainly doesn't sound as though Mrs is right keen. You either need to reassess the subject together now, telling her that it is purely a fantasy and you're fine with the fact it may stay as such. Or leave her in her own thoughts about it, see if she brings it up again herself.
Although my gut feeling is that she is definitely NOT up for this anytime soon, if at all. Swinging isn't for everyone. |
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"personally did you show her your profile on here op?
as then she can make her own mind up
He's not going to do that because then she would see he's been sucking dicks behind her back  "
She might know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps that first conversation will progress into further discussions - what happened with us was over the space of 18 months we shared ideas, made plans, changed our minds and negotiated what we would like to happen next. We watched porn, read up on swinging on you tube and internet etc.
It was me that first brought swinging up as something I would like to try then Mr was keen and I wasn't so sure, then I was all up for it but he wanted to wait etc etc. Eventually we both agreed to try it once - no pressure to continue if not enjoying it. Am pleased to say we are having a great time ! Good luck M x"
Just really loved this reply. Very much like us, except it was me, Mr, who brought it up first. There'll be some who both immediately click with it and want to try it... but I'd imagine that the vast majority of couples will go through the kind of process these two described. Good luck... be patient and don't pressurise her but keep it somewhere in the background so she can't completely forget about it... it may take her a while to come round to the idea |
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"personally did you show her your profile on here op?
as then she can make her own mind up
He's not going to do that because then she would see he's been sucking dicks behind her back
She might know."
Judging from her reaction when he told her what he's been thinking I highly doubt it. |
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"personally did you show her your profile on here op?
as then she can make her own mind up
He's not going to do that because then she would see he's been sucking dicks behind her back
She might know.
Judging from her reaction when he told her what he's been thinking I highly doubt it. "
I think the whole, very sad point behind a lot of these type of threads is that somebody is asking strangers to advise on what the person closest to them means by something they've said and we can't possibly know. To me is always seems as if they're just waiting for somebody to say "she really means go for it" so that they have permission to keep pushing until the answer is one they want to hear.
So yes, I agree with you it's doubtful the lady in question knows but we can't ever be certain. |
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"personally did you show her your profile on here op?
as then she can make her own mind up
He's not going to do that because then she would see he's been sucking dicks behind her back
She might know.
Judging from her reaction when he told her what he's been thinking I highly doubt it.
I think the whole, very sad point behind a lot of these type of threads is that somebody is asking strangers to advise on what the person closest to them means by something they've said and we can't possibly know. To me is always seems as if they're just waiting for somebody to say "she really means go for it" so that they have permission to keep pushing until the answer is one they want to hear.
So yes, I agree with you it's doubtful the lady in question knows but we can't ever be certain."
You're right of course, after reading I can't help but feel for her as the likelihood is that he's already playing away and looks like she's going to be forced to get fucked by another man to pleased her partner.
It's degrading and sickening and I let my emotions rule me.
If she knows then I apologise op.
If she doesn't and you make her go through with it after already fooling around behind her back then I'll take my site/forum ban but I hope you burn for it. |
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"Sounds like a very clear case of mental abuse to me.
By who?"
"if you say I have to I will"
Forcing someone to do something they don't want to do is abuse.
If he pushes her into doing it against her will, abuse. |
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"Sounds like a very clear case of mental abuse to me.
By who?
"if you say I have to I will"
Forcing someone to do something they don't want to do is abuse.
If he pushes her into doing it against her will, abuse."
Or it could be that this is a sub/dom relationship in which the sub gets off on public humiliation and enjoys being made to do things and having strangers know that they're "reluctant" which again is kind of my point...we cannot possibly know the dynamic of this relationship on what little information we have...therefore any advice we give is useless. |
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"Sounds like a very clear case of mental abuse to me.
By who?
"if you say I have to I will"
Forcing someone to do something they don't want to do is abuse.
If he pushes her into doing it against her will, abuse.
Or it could be that this is a sub/dom relationship in which the sub gets off on public humiliation and enjoys being made to do things and having strangers know that they're "reluctant" which again is kind of my point...we cannot possibly know the dynamic of this relationship on what little information we have...therefore any advice we give is useless."
But we do know.
He's said that he's only just discussed it with her and told us her response. |
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"Sounds like a very clear case of mental abuse to me.
By who?
"if you say I have to I will"
Forcing someone to do something they don't want to do is abuse.
If he pushes her into doing it against her will, abuse.
Or it could be that this is a sub/dom relationship in which the sub gets off on public humiliation and enjoys being made to do things and having strangers know that they're "reluctant" which again is kind of my point...we cannot possibly know the dynamic of this relationship on what little information we have...therefore any advice we give is useless.
But we do know.
He's said that he's only just discussed it with her and told us her response. "
We know his version of events and in my experience people generally tell strangers only what they want them to know in order to lead them into believing what they want them to believe. |
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It's not like saying 'OK I've heard eastenders is shit but I'll try watching it once if you say it's good'
If she's saying she's willing to try 'if he says I have to' then that sounds like she's very open to it but potentially doesn't want to seem to be the one making the moves, most people who aren't into swinging but be totally against it even if asked
The key here is she has to have the final say to each step from here
If you suggest going to a club to watch only initially then she has to be fine with that and be happy to go etc, if it any point it's causing arguments and she says she feels under pressure then it's a no
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"It's not like saying 'OK I've heard eastenders is shit but I'll try watching it once if you say it's good'
If she's saying she's willing to try 'if he says I have to' then that sounds like she's very open to it but potentially doesn't want to seem to be the one making the moves, most people who aren't into swinging but be totally against it even if asked
The key here is she has to have the final say to each step from here
If you suggest going to a club to watch only initially then she has to be fine with that and be happy to go etc, if it any point it's causing arguments and she says she feels under pressure then it's a no
"
"If you say I have to" sounds like being very open to something to you? Really? It's interesting how open to interpretation this is. That's why, and I feel I'm repeating myself here....we cannot possibly infer what the lady meant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We know his version of events and in my experience people generally tell strangers only what they want them to know in order to lead them into believing what they want them to believe. "
I think this is a little cynical. Whilst some on the forums are always out to portray themselves as supreme sexbots, I do feel that some use it as a place to talk frankly about issues. In this guy's case I read it as a somewhat naive confess-all OP... after all it doesn't particularly swing in his favour. |
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"We know his version of events and in my experience people generally tell strangers only what they want them to know in order to lead them into believing what they want them to believe.
I think this is a little cynical. Whilst some on the forums are always out to portray themselves as supreme sexbots, I do feel that some use it as a place to talk frankly about issues. In this guy's case I read it as a somewhat naive confess-all OP... after all it doesn't particularly swing in his favour."
Yes but as you well know I'm extremely cynical. |
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