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Feeling blue
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope.
However he meets with a lady who I cannot STAND. I absolutely loathe her! He is going to a club with her tonight. He asked was it OK, I said I wud rather he didn't, but if he must. No reply back either way. Am I being unreasonable? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even thou you allow him to go with said woman i personally think you really need to let him feel how you really feel about him going with her as i guess if it was you doing same to him like seeing his best mate i dont think he would be to happy and sll i can see are dparks flying one evening when ur ready to explode  |
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By *haunMan
over a year ago
Halton |
"I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope.
However he meets with a lady who I cannot STAND. I absolutely loathe her! He is going to a club with her tonight. He asked was it OK, I said I wud rather he didn't, but if he must. No reply back either way. Am I being unreasonable? "
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For me, no you are not being unreasonable.
Without us all knowing the full details (nor is it my place) regarding your open-ish relationship.
I am presuming that he has previously with your blessing met other women in clubs and you were happy with that?
If so, and it is only this woman you don't like.
Then not unreasonable.
If you are being open then you have to go with the rules set out.
If it is his first meet (then maybe you need to reassess your boundaries and rules set out.
Because if you aren't happy, then it's not going to go well.
But that's my opinion and inside you know what is right to you.
xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does he let you choose who you meet?"
Well it hasn't happened coz I choose not to, but I don't think he would tell me I couldn't meet someone. He will never ask me to meet her with him, he knows how I feel.
But I did say he could meet a different lady as he mentioned she was single again and looking for fun. When I asked him yesterday if he had met up with this lady he said no, he wasn't in the mood and was waiting for me to come back.
Tonight he is going to a club with a woman I loathe. Makes me cross! I'm a woman!! Lol  |
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You're not being honest with yourself.
Read your op again: you're compromising as long as he comes back to you. Doesn't matter who the woman was it hurts you you're not enough.
That's what needs addressing. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope.
However he meets with a lady who I cannot STAND. I absolutely loathe her! He is going to a club with her tonight. He asked was it OK, I said I wud rather he didn't, but if he must. No reply back either way. Am I being unreasonable?
--
For me, no you are not being unreasonable.
Without us all knowing the full details (nor is it my place) regarding your open-ish relationship.
I am presuming that he has previously with your blessing met other women in clubs and you were happy with that?
If so, and it is only this woman you don't like.
Then not unreasonable.
If you are being open then you have to go with the rules set out.
If it is his first meet (then maybe you need to reassess your boundaries and rules set out.
Because if you aren't happy, then it's not going to go well.
But that's my opinion and inside you know what is right to you.
xxx"
I've allowed him to meet 3 or 4 different women on his own, at his place and clubs too and haven't batted an eyelid, in fact I arranged the last one myself as I was going on holiday, it's just HER. He knows how I feel about her and although I do not acknowledge her or her husband when they happen to go to places he and I are at too, I never ask him to ignore her/them.
I think I shall talk to him face to face and tell him, then we can go from there. Thanks everyone. Xx |
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I think the statement. "I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope" says enough.
Think if it was me it would be well past time for a sit down and a chat. I think most couples are not swinging because either of them 'need variety' most do it as they both enjoy it and it makes everything they already have even better. If either is feeling hurt or upset it's not really right. In my own opinion, I don't know you or your relationship obviously. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think the statement. "I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope" says enough.
Think if it was me it would be well past time for a sit down and a chat. I think most couples are not swinging because either of them 'need variety' most do it as they both enjoy it and it makes everything they already have even better. If either is feeling hurt or upset it's not really right. In my own opinion, I don't know you or your relationship obviously. "
That's also true. Maybe because I am away it seems worse.
If I asked him to not meet up with her again he would say yeah sure but absence makes the heart grow fonder doesn't it? If u can't have something do u want it more? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope."
Thank you for writing this post I think it expresses wonderfully what may go through many Fabbers minds from time to time... except they put a brave face on it. Being sexually open is for the brave of heart... but it also needs to be well planned and well balanced IMO.
I would suggest that the archetypal open relationship (where you meet others in private) is the most extreme form of swinging possible. I feel that you might both benefit from shifting down a gear or two to either full swap or soft swap swinging (where you meet others together). This way you can feel more in control of the situation as well as enjoy it more as a couple. Even just watching your husband have sex with someone else might be an improvement for you as at least you'll be included in his enjoyment. The only reason why I bring this up is because I sense your dis-ease with the situation and I wonder if your feelings about this other woman have more to do with your husband's having sex with her than her as a person... but I might be wrong.
Either way... it seems to me that your solution has more to do with you finding a more comfortable way of being sexually explorative with your husband than anything to do with her. I hope my advice helps in some small measure. You are very brave. Sending you big kisses XX   |
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Are you worried he has stronger feelings for her than you maybe?....or other things maybe going on in your life that are making you feel like that, or something happened for you to ...loathe her, hard to say how you should feel without the full facts from both sides i guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope.
Thank you for writing this post I think it expresses wonderfully what may go through many Fabbers minds from time to time... except they put a brave face on it. Being sexually open is for the brave of heart... but it also needs to be well planned and well balanced IMO.
I would suggest that the archetypal open relationship (where you meet others in private) is the most extreme form of swinging possible. I feel that you might both benefit from shifting down a gear or two to either full swap or soft swap swinging (where you meet others together). This way you can feel more in control of the situation as well as enjoy it more as a couple. Even just watching your husband have sex with someone else might be an improvement for you as at least you'll be included in his enjoyment. The only reason why I bring this up is because I sense your dis-ease with the situation and I wonder if your feelings about this other woman have more to do with your husband's having sex with her than her as a person... but I might be wrong.
Either way... it seems to me that your solution has more to do with you finding a more comfortable way of being sexually explorative with your husband than anything to do with her. I hope my advice helps in some small measure. You are very brave. Sending you big kisses XX "
what a brilliant post.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are you worried he has stronger feelings for her than you maybe?....or other things maybe going on in your life that are making you feel like that, or something happened for you to ...loathe her, hard to say how you should feel without the full facts from both sides i guess"
I don't think he has FEELINGS for her but I feel she uses him. Her other half isn't....blessed body wise and I think when she wants a bit of rumpy pumpy she gets in touch with him and suggests they meet up. I'm usually with him so he says no but as I'm away this week he is free to do so. Plus he pays for everything as well. And drives there and back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope.
Thank you for writing this post I think it expresses wonderfully what may go through many Fabbers minds from time to time... except they put a brave face on it. Being sexually open is for the brave of heart... but it also needs to be well planned and well balanced IMO.
I would suggest that the archetypal open relationship (where you meet others in private) is the most extreme form of swinging possible. I feel that you might both benefit from shifting down a gear or two to either full swap or soft swap swinging (where you meet others together). This way you can feel more in control of the situation as well as enjoy it more as a couple. Even just watching your husband have sex with someone else might be an improvement for you as at least you'll be included in his enjoyment. The only reason why I bring this up is because I sense your dis-ease with the situation and I wonder if your feelings about this other woman have more to do with your husband's having sex with her than her as a person... but I might be wrong.
Either way... it seems to me that your solution has more to do with you finding a more comfortable way of being sexually explorative with your husband than anything to do with her. I hope my advice helps in some small measure. You are very brave. Sending you big kisses XX
what a brilliant post.... "
Agree! Thank u. Xx |
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"Are you worried he has stronger feelings for her than you maybe?....or other things maybe going on in your life that are making you feel like that, or something happened for you to ...loathe her, hard to say how you should feel without the full facts from both sides i guess
I don't think he has FEELINGS for her but I feel she uses him. Her other half isn't....blessed body wise and I think when she wants a bit of rumpy pumpy she gets in touch with him and suggests they meet up. I'm usually with him so he says no but as I'm away this week he is free to do so. Plus he pays for everything as well. And drives there and back. "
speak to him. We can't help. If this is hurting you it isn't right for you and surely if he has any regard for you he wouldn't want you hurt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm away on holiday till Friday. My other half is at home. We have an open-ish relationship. We are both allowed to meet other people if we wish, I don't at the moment, but he needs variety. As long as he comes home to me and is safe I usually don't mind. It hurts but I cope.
However he meets with a lady who I cannot STAND. I absolutely loathe her! He is going to a club with her tonight. He asked was it OK, I said I wud rather he didn't, but if he must. No reply back either way. Am I being unreasonable? "
a completely absurd relationship. get out and be happy. |
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It's nice to know I've done something right today lol Good luck...we're all rooting for ya 