FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > In love or lust?
In love or lust?
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love and lust is easily confused.
You should text and ask him how he feels. Ask him straight out
We both have a philosophy of it is better to regret something you have done rather than wish you had done something.
You need to find out so you can put your mind at rest either way. Either move on without him. Or move on with him.
Hope this helps x |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"The question is, what are you looking for? "
I enjoy swinging, even before I joined this site I had always had an interest in it and to do it with my partner... I find it beautiful when two people who love each other so much, who know each other so intimately are able to share that with like-minded people.   |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"The question is, what are you looking for?
I enjoy swinging, even before I joined this site I had always had an interest in it and to do it with my partner... I find it beautiful when two people who love each other so much, who know each other so intimately are able to share that with like-minded people. "
So you want to be in a BF/GF relationship with him and you also swing together? If you know what you want then great, now you just need to see if he is interested too. Maybe show him this thread |
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You're asking US if he feels the same?...
WE can't tell you anything, you're just going to have to put your big girl pants on and ask him yourself.
I'm a little dubious of the fact that his reply was that that made him smile and saying you're a lovely girl...rather than saying whether he has feelings too. That could be taken as:
"That made me smile as I feel the same".
OR
"I think you're a lovely girl, but...".
From the sounds of things, you're not going to know unless you ask him outright but obviously be prepared that you may not get the answer you want. x |
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"Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx"
You need to discuss this with him.
I think its fairly indiscreet to be telling all and sundry before you've discussed it with the person concerned. |
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Just go for it.
Hope he's not busy because he's married and already taken.
And with a bit of luck he'll be just a smitten and a beautiful swinging couple you will become.
I guess the only risk is he does not feel the same and. Finds it uncomfortable to continue as you were not wanting to string you along. |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx
You need to discuss this with him.
I think its fairly indiscreet to be telling all and sundry before you've discussed it with the person concerned. "
I posted this on the advice forum as I am seeking advice. I haven't mentioned who he is and if I were to discuss this with him first there would be no need for this posting. |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Just go for it.
Hope he's not busy because he's married and already taken.
And with a bit of luck he'll be just a smitten and a beautiful swinging couple you will become.
I guess the only risk is he does not feel the same and. Finds it uncomfortable to continue as you were not wanting to string you along."
No he's not married (phew).
The thought of him not feeling the same way makes me nervous to say anything because that would indefinitely end the fun we have as I know I couldn't carry on.
Anyway another problem has risen. My phone stopped working and wouldn't turn on. So his number is lost on there. I messaged him here to let him know. Just waiting for him to read the message as he hasn't been on here for 3 days now...  |
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"Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx"
Be very careful with nice words and compliments in this site.
Im not saying they're lies...they aren't..but ..be very careful.
He might say the exact same thing and being ultra-sweet to others as well...
Only you know the answers to your questions.
Just be very careful girl.
Best wishes and good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How would I know what he feels like towards you... Im not in his head I dont know him which is the same with everyone that posted here ... Im sure.... You're gonna have to ask him yourself |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
It is easier for us girls to become smitten than the guy's. You say you haven't met anyone else for a while. Do you know if he has? I tend to put my normal feelings in a little box somewhere for fear of being hurt. It is what it is....a swinging site.
I hope it all works out for you OP x |
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My gut feel is that he now has the invitation to share with you, if he wishes to.
At present, he doesn't seem to have given you indication that he's looking for something else, so I think it would be helpful for you to back off a bit. Wait and see how it develops.
It may be his elusiveness that is attractive, so check deep down whether this is the case. It can be very alluring but isn't often the strong foundation, when the other person is elusive and lacking in much contact that's other than physical.
If you know that you like swinging, consider opening your life to meeting others and having less fixation on him for a while - especially as he's frequently not available. |
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"It is easier for us girls to become smitten than the guy's. You say you haven't met anyone else for a while. Do you know if he has? I tend to put my normal feelings in a little box somewhere for fear of being hurt. It is what it is....a swinging site.
I hope it all works out for you OP x"
.
Eloquently said..  |
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By *eshzMan
over a year ago
0151 |
OP, I know how you feel and to be honest admire your courage to tell him even via text,and now to ask for the opinion of others.
My personal feedback (and this is just mine personally) and I hope he reads this, a real guy won't toy around with a ladies emotions (not saying he is), if he feels the same way he should tell you or indicate to you where this is going. From your side if it last for more then a week and if your next few meets if they don't involve sex and you feel the same than in my opinion its not lust.
Other posters have mentioned that a female falls easily for a man... just becareful, as a virtual friend, wouldn't like to see you hurt emotionally.
Based on your description he sounds like a real lovely gentleman. I genuinely hope only good things come your way. |
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Talk to him and not us.
If he feels the same way, brilliant. If he doesn't, respect his decision and decide what you want to do from there. If it is the latter then be prepared to part company as insecurity takes over and it stops being fun.
Good luck. |
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"It is easier for us girls to become smitten than the guy's. You say you haven't met anyone else for a while. Do you know if he has? I tend to put my normal feelings in a little box somewhere for fear of being hurt. It is what it is....a swinging site.
I hope it all works out for you OP x"
All well said, however if I was a single swinging man and had the potential to have a long term relationship with a fellow swinging fem, who I enjoyed the company of. That's a bit like gold dust. It's not like she wants to stop him swinging. Certainly a couple of dates could not hurt.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
DIfficult to say what he thinks - and I really don t want to be negative here but...
if you are telling him that you are smitten and he replied that your text makes him smile, that you are a lovely girl... then he is actually not responding to what you are saying to him but kind off dodging a proper reply?
I hope for your sake I am wrong and wish you all the best. Is this guy within your age range? Just wondering... |
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The girl's just asking for advice. There's no need for some posters to be rude. We've all at one time or another met that person who ticks all the boxes, but haven't known which way to turn. Getting the input from people who are on here can often put things into perspective. I have a friend on here I've been seeing for over 5 years. I love him to bits and have feelings for him, but I know that I wouldn't want anything more from him because it would spoil what we have. Suppose it's a case of love him, but not "in love". I've met another I fell for but held back. Glad I did because he turned out not to be the man I thought he was. Treasure what you have, don't close yourself off to others and above all have fun. Life is too short. |
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I found myself in a similar situation and got the same response when owning up to being smitten.
I now understand that the relationship I have is within a fantasy world. Emotions run high but it is a swinging relationship where we make up our own rules. We both admit that what we have is special but it must remain within these boundaries.
Perhaps he has feelings for you but wants it to remain within your casual relationship too. I hope you can work it out.  |
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By *andixxxMan
over a year ago
Gloucester |
"Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx"
I personally wouldn't try and discuss each other's feelings through messages!! No matter how hard you try or how good with words you are,they are just that at the end of the day....words..... Emotions cannot be conveyed through them!! Wait till you are together next time and talk about it! You'd be able to gauge by his body language,the way he looks in your eyes any feelings there may be. Be open minded as he may not want the same thing as you,but enjoy what you have and try to straighten it out in your mind before you talk to him. You need to know,what you want from your time together!! All the best and hope you get the answer you're looking for!!! |
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"I found myself in a similar situation and got the same response when owning up to being smitten.
I now understand that the relationship I have is within a fantasy world. Emotions run high but it is a swinging relationship where we make up our own rules. We both admit that what we have is special but it must remain within these boundaries.
Perhaps he has feelings for you but wants it to remain within your casual relationship too. I hope you can work it out. "
Very well put. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi thank you all for your comments and I will take them into consideration. He's 10 years my senior..."
im over 20yrs your senior but feckin great at rebound sex! so if it all goes south im free  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx"
Mae sweety as the others have said i too have been in the same situation as you not from someone here but when I faced that fact I asked myself what should I do and I simply asked the girl do you like me luckily she said yes in more than a fb capacity and I said what shall we do from now shall we continue Adobe it would make sex even better or shall we further this relationship and that's what we did.
But saying that I had to mentally prepare myself for her answer if it was no despite me telling her I liked her more than just being a fb if she didn't like me that what did she want to do etc etc
Just be strong and take it as it comes honey xx |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx"
He has already told you how he feels.
You are a lovely girl says it all.
It is a typical non commital answer from someone who wants to keep you sweet but who does not want a relationship at present of perhaps never. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A good friend gave me some good advice when I was in a similar situation a few years back: "you have fallen in love with what you think he could be, rather than what he really is".
It is easy to mix up lust+sexy fun with love.
Good luck OP xxx |
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"A good friend gave me some good advice when I was in a similar situation a few years back: "you have fallen in love with what you think he could be, rather than what he really is".
It is easy to mix up lust+sexy fun with love.
Good luck OP xxx"
This and its easy, enjoy it you only live once |
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"Hi thank you for reading my post x
So... I've met a guy from fab that I have been seeing a couple of months now, but don't see him as often as I would like. He is such a gentleman and we get on so well and the sex is incredible. But as I said I don't get to see him as often as I would like because his work takes up so much of his time.
All I can think about is just being there for him and getting him to have time to relax. He's a good man that deserves so much.
I have told him in a text message I'm smitten (too scared to say it in person), but can't bring myself to ask if he feels the same. He replied and said that my message made him smile and that I was a lovely girl.
I've been his only regular meet so far.
Am I just infatuated or is there more?
Do you think he feels the same or am I reading too much into it?
Once again thank you.
Mae xx
I personally wouldn't try and discuss each other's feelings through messages!! No matter how hard you try or how good with words you are,they are just that at the end of the day....words..... Emotions cannot be conveyed through them!! Wait till you are together next time and talk about it! You'd be able to gauge by his body language,the way he looks in your eyes any feelings there may be. Be open minded as he may not want the same thing as you,but enjoy what you have and try to straighten it out in your mind before you talk to him. You need to know,what you want from your time together!! All the best and hope you get the answer you're looking for!!!"
His body language will be the best indicator of his feelings |
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"A good friend gave me some good advice when I was in a similar situation a few years back: "you have fallen in love with what you think he could be, rather than what he really is".
It is easy to mix up lust+sexy fun with love.
Good luck OP xxx"
This is excellent advice (for all of us)! |
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"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up "
Sorry to hear that. Some people have been lucky here, some haven't. 
Each to their own but for me, boundaries need to be in place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
Sorry to hear that. Some people have been lucky here, some haven't.
Each to their own but for me, boundaries need to be in place. "
I gave up seeing others at his request and the L word crept up on me and I have been unceremoniously dumped. So yes boundaries needed |
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"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
Sorry to hear that. Some people have been lucky here, some haven't.
Each to their own but for me, boundaries need to be in place.
I gave up seeing others at his request and the L word crept up on me and I have been unceremoniously dumped. So yes boundaries needed "
I feel for you.
I was in a similar situation and there was no clear boundaries and a lot of mixed signals.
But we've learned the lesson. That's the important thing. |
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By *eshzMan
over a year ago
0151 |
"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up "
I don't know who you are and what your story is, but I am sorry to hear that you are hurting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
I don't know who you are and what your story is, but I am sorry to hear that you are hurting. "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
Sorry to hear that. Some people have been lucky here, some haven't.
Each to their own but for me, boundaries need to be in place.
I gave up seeing others at his request and the L word crept up on me and I have been unceremoniously dumped. So yes boundaries needed
I feel for you.
I was in a similar situation and there was no clear boundaries and a lot of mixed signals.
But we've learned the lesson. That's the important thing. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
I don't know who you are and what your story is, but I am sorry to hear that you are hurting.
Thank you "
I realised that today too x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
I don't know who you are and what your story is, but I am sorry to hear that you are hurting.
Thank you
I realised that today too x"
Its horrible isnt it. Hope you stop hurting soon. x |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"Havent read the whole thread but from what you say is he actually married or living with someone? Have you been to his house? Sorry dont want to be a kill joy but lots of fakes around"
He's not married, I've been to his house a few times and have stayed over too. No signs of other people living in his house besides him and the dog... |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"Havent read the whole thread but from what you say is he actually married or living with someone? Have you been to his house? Sorry dont want to be a kill joy but lots of fakes around
He's not married, I've been to his house a few times and have stayed over too. No signs of other people living in his house besides him and the dog..."
You have been to his house and we assume he has been to yours, if so your phone not working is no block to him contacting you or indeed you contacting him.
It could be he thinks you are not answering his calls/texts, though if that was the case most people would call round or drop a note through your door.
Is there any reason why you could not call round to see him? |
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I met my bf on fab and quick realised there was more too it than just lust, although a healthy does of that too, and it soon became clear it was reciprocal on his part. We both swing together, but we also have met each others families friends and kids, shop together, chat about everything, etc. We are similar in age and our kids are the same age, so we have lots in common. I think if it is meant to be it will be. I never expected to find anything like this on fabs, but to me it makes complete sense now as I could not imagine settling with anyone who did not understand the swinging lifestyle. Best of luck to you and time will tell if he is on the same wavelength as you are.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have realised today that love bloody hurts. And that Fab and feelings definately don't go together, need to toughen up
I don't know who you are and what your story is, but I am sorry to hear that you are hurting.
Thank you
I realised that today too x
Its horrible isnt it. Hope you stop hurting soon. x"
Thanks, you too xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So yes... Nothing came of it, but of a broken heart on my part and a break from Fab..."
2wks and your still hurt? sounds like a spoil sport to me! is he hurt over this or you just beating yourself up?
i was gonna say chin up but id rather say can i gentle rest my bollocks on your chin for a few minutes and see if they warm ya chin up!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been there as well . Time and putting distance between us helped us to just remain friends and put things into perspective for me . Hope it gets better for you ...x |
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By *onyneMan
over a year ago
Newcastle |
If it turns out that you both feel the same way and are able to have open conversation about feelings, then fine...there is a danger of course that any suggestion of non-nsa developments may lead to a change in how you are with each other...It is a risk, and one you will know whether it is worth taking at some point...or perhaps will feel you need to take at some point...
Good luck...It's nice to have feelings and hope they are reciprocated in the way you wish, but do beware...Caveat Emptor, as some people used to say |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
"So yes... Nothing came of it, but of a broken heart on my part and a break from Fab...
What happened?"
He's not emotionally ready for a relationship as he's had a few bad relationships in the past. Said he doesn't have what I would want from a relationship, not now anyway. His words... |
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By *aeBabe OP Woman
over a year ago
London |
We were seeing each other a lot recently and communicating a lot more... I'm just so sad because I know how he and I met isn't the usual way of meeting someone, but I feel so drawn to him. I know he enjoys being with me and he cares too. But that emotional wall was put up because of something in his past... He's opened up to me so much and tells me he usually internalizes his problems, but he's told me so much... do I give up? |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
Don't give up but keep your distance for a while. I've just come out of a fab relationship, and it does hurt so I feel for you. My circumstances are probably different to yours but still it is tough. You have to pick yourself up and move on xx xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So yes... Nothing came of it, but of a broken heart on my part and a break from Fab...
What happened?
He's not emotionally ready for a relationship as he's had a few bad relationships in the past. Said he doesn't have what I would want from a relationship, not now anyway. His words... "
I've been spun similar lines myself, was a guy I met on a night out not from here but still. He'd separated from his wife 2 years previous because he's in the army and she couldn't handle the length he's away anymore. He used that as his reason to not want another relationship! We only spent about 4 months together and that was only weekends whilst he was in the uk doing a training course but in that time I'd met some of his family, went cinemas meals out and all that bollocks, took me to a wedding but said it was all getting too much around the time he was going away again for 3 months, he came back at Xmas for 3 weeks and during that time said it was beat we didn't see or contact each other again then he was gone for 5 months! Came back last week and contacted me again! Still trying to suss what his intentions are but I'm not messaging him, only responding briefly when he messages me.
I'd just leave him get on with it and not contact him again. He may get back in touch! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just a thought; but does anyone else think "sometimes" men play with women's emotions? just leaving enough of a dangler for them to think there is a chance of something more?
when in actual fact your a garaunteed fuck that's all!
I know i am only spaking for myself now but when i have been asked if i'd like to be in a more stable relationship, i have said no. it is just sex!
here is the kicker, they change then and dnt answer txts or calls for days and are not as friendly. at this point i cease all contact too much drama. But considering other men have done the same and regretted doin so , as the sex was very good, do you think they would be as honest next time? just a thought! |
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