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breaking my swinging duck
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Losing my swinging virginity etc..
So here is the thing we have had a few meets,some just social, some play.
All of our play meets have been with guy's and we have both enjoyed playing with jools, no bi stuff just jools enjoying playing and being played with. Which I don't mind it's fun and exciting.
However we have yet to play with a couple, we have met a few but for whatever reason it's never amounted to more.
The dynamics of couples with couples is far more complicated.
Throw in the soft swing aspect and you see what I mean.
My issue is this, jools is happy and keen for me to play with a fem, but I am finding myself getting really anxious and nervous about the prospect.
Jools is the only woman I have touched since 1985/6.
And I am worried how I will react, can I please her, what will jools think.. ...
Also I am starting to think it's a waste of time and feel maybe the difference in jools looks and mine causing problems in that females who are the same level of attractiveness as jools will not be interested in me.
She says I am over thinking the whole thing.
So anyone else had issues like this?
I have always felt that I have been hitting above my weight metaphorically speaking, with jools as she is better looking than I.
And any couples who are interested in playing are also usually more interested in her also as is the case with fems.
So single guy's us male half's of couples have almost exactly same problem with meeting as you.
This all may seem a bit shallow as looks aren't everything and sorry if this offends anyone, but we are not looking for relationships with people we bond with, yes there has to be some chemistry.
But if we are honest we all want to play with someone who we find attractive, rather than just because it's on offer? |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
As Jools says "She says I am over thinking the whole thing."
Just relax and take things easy go with the flow if on a meet with couples you are invited to play with the other woman do so. Don't think you have to have full rampant sex with her just do what ever your mind tells you at the time.
I imagine that is what you do when playing with Jools and you don't set out a game plan before going to bed.
You find it exiting to watch Jools playing with other men; give her the same chance of excitement seeing you playing with other women.
Most couples talk to each other after a meet and if she finds it hard to see you with another woman I am sure she would tell you then you could change back to how you play now if that is the option both of you agree to.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you more worried about Jools not being happy with you playing with another woman, or being turned down? Talk to her lots. She fancies you, you can't be a total beast.  x
Presumably you send couples face pics of you both. So if they turn up it means they are happy to meet you.
Discuss your - and their- rules/ preferences before you meet. Then relax. If you don't feel comfortable with something, don't do it. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Discuss your - and their- rules/ preferences before you meet. Then relax. If you don't feel comfortable with something, don't do it. Good luck. "
It's all about feeling comfy with who your going to meet getting the above details over with quickly might put you at ease ?
I'm sure that taking your time finding the right couple for your first big meet will pay off ! |
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All sound like pretty normal concerns to me.
Jools is right... You're over thinking it. If people move to the play stages then you can only has aims they are happy to play with both of you. If they are not or you're not comfortable for whatever reason then just walk away.
Why don't you go to a club? The Vanilla alternative or Liberty elite. Just go the first time to chat and have a laugh with no pressure to play. Talk to people, I think you'll find there are quite a few chilled out, happy people about that just want to have a bit of sexy fun |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Been to clubs, always send face pic's .
Yeah I guess I am worried jools will freak out.
Maybe I should have a couple of drinks to relax me a bit next time. |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
Don't worry it will happen. Don't have more than a couple of drinks. Practice how to chat with ladies, if they are an experienced couple they will be used to a variety of situations and you will be OK as long as you relax, chat and smile in the social setting before moving to a play situation where you share responsibility of how things work out rather than all the responsibility being yours.
BTW the smile, chat etc. Advice is what my OH has had to coach me to do - and still has to remind me sometimes. We too had a very long relationship before we started swinging a year ago but the difference was that I was inexperienced when we met.
Him |
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We had our first social meet last week with a couple. I agree in one sense, the dynamic must be totally different. Trying to read 3 other people's reactions and willingness to take it further is a nightmare!
B |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I hope my post didn't come across as selfish as was not my intention.
I wouldn't be happy either if.
We met a couple and myself and the lady fancied each other, the guy fancied jools but she wasn't keen, but went along with it to make me happy
Same if the it was any scenario, ie she did same.
Would hate to feel like someone did something just because their partner was well keen.
Everyone has to be comfortable.
Also yeah your all correct I need to chill and go with the flow, although we wouldn't be having sex with others I would like to feel that I can be attentive to both ladies needs etc..
Think I am building the whole thing up in my head more than it needs to be.
All I have ever thought about has been too make jools happy and willing to do anything for her, never really considered my own needs, and to be honest it's a bit scary. |
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"I hope my post didn't come across as selfish as was not my intention.
I wouldn't be happy either if.
We met a couple and myself and the lady fancied each other, the guy fancied jools but she wasn't keen, but went along with it to make me happy
Same if the it was any scenario, ie she did same.
Would hate to feel like someone did something just because their partner was well keen.
Everyone has to be comfortable.
Also yeah your all correct I need to chill and go with the flow, although we wouldn't be having sex with others I would like to feel that I can be attentive to both ladies needs etc..
Think I am building the whole thing up in my head more than it needs to be.
All I have ever thought about has been too make jools happy and willing to do anything for her, never really considered my own needs, and to be honest it's a bit scary. "
It didn't come across as selfish to me. Just sounds like a lot of common worries and concerns
Re: Jools reaction... All you can do is be open and honest with each other and trust what she says.
I had that same fear of D seeing me with another woman the first time.
In the end i took what she said to me at face value and went for it. That first time when I see her face I knew there was no way she was not being honest with me. It confirmed everything.
If there are areas you are both unsure of then just go slow. Take your time and exolore each step before you move to the next one. It does take some adjusting to understand how your partner can be happy to see you with others... Well it did for us anyway lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hope my post didn't come across as selfish as was not my intention.
I wouldn't be happy either if.
We met a couple and myself and the lady fancied each other, the guy fancied jools but she wasn't keen, but went along with it to make me happy
Same if the it was any scenario, ie she did same.
Would hate to feel like someone did something just because their partner was well keen.
Everyone has to be comfortable.
Also yeah your all correct I need to chill and go with the flow, although we wouldn't be having sex with others I would like to feel that I can be attentive to both ladies needs etc..
Think I am building the whole thing up in my head more than it needs to be.
All I have ever thought about has been too make jools happy and willing to do anything for her, never really considered my own needs, and to be honest it's a bit scary.
It didn't come across as selfish to me. Just sounds like a lot of common worries and concerns
Re: Jools reaction... All you can do is be open and honest with each other and trust what she says.
I had that same fear of D seeing me with another woman the first time.
In the end i took what she said to me at face value and went for it. That first time when I see her face I knew there was no way she was not being honest with me. It confirmed everything.
If there are areas you are both unsure of then just go slow. Take your time and exolore each step before you move to the next one. It does take some adjusting to understand how your partner can be happy to see you with others... Well it did for us anyway lol."
Thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are you more worried about Jools not being happy with you playing with another woman, or being turned down? Talk to her lots. She fancies you, you can't be a total beast. x
Presumably you send couples face pics of you both. So if they turn up it means they are happy to meet you.
Discuss your - and their- rules/ preferences before you meet. Then relax. If you don't feel comfortable with something, don't do it. Good luck. "
Or find a bi fem (they do exist....I have several on my friends list and know they meet cpls etc...) |
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Firstly, I'd have to say that before out first step into swinging, I had a similar mindset to you. I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, personally I've always considered myself below average. I'm also less "trim" than I'd really like.
Our swinging experience was at a club (La Chambre) and the first thing that struck me was that although there were some exceptional guys and girls, the majority were just "normal"... we fitted in just fine and it really put my mind at rest about my place in the swinging world.
Also, I'd like to add.... even though it's not a full face pic, Anita thinks your photo looks perfectly fine and if we were not 200 miles away, we'd be more than happy to get together with you two.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Firstly, I'd have to say that before out first step into swinging, I had a similar mindset to you. I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, personally I've always considered myself below average. I'm also less "trim" than I'd really like.
Our swinging experience was at a club (La Chambre) and the first thing that struck me was that although there were some exceptional guys and girls, the majority were just "normal"... we fitted in just fine and it really put my mind at rest about my place in the swinging world.
Also, I'd like to add.... even though it's not a full face pic, Anita thinks your photo looks perfectly fine and if we were not 200 miles away, we'd be more than happy to get together with you two.
Cal"
Aww cheers that's very kind of you. |
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No worries.
If you haven't done already, you could do worse than visiting a club. You'll find that people are more than happy to talk to you and discuss everything you want. They also give you an opportunity to potentially find suitable couples to play with, with no pressure or expectation.
More than anything though, I'll repeat that you're not as bad as you think you are and a bit of self confidence would help you no end.
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been in the same position. C feels exactly as you do. We have now soft played a little with 2/3 couples but we do find it a lot harder with couples. The ones we have played with were couples we met at a club. We also met a gorgeous lady who is part of a couple but plays alone,this helped a lot!
Just relax,have fun and remember most couples feel the same xx |
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You could always try BGHS more naked sauna than club so no pressure to play unless you find a couple that both of you like.
Other than that just chill and stop stressing, it'll happen eventually but not if you're both on edge
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