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why do swingers often hide their lifestyle
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I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are very open about what we do with everyone we know except close family. Bruce has a very high profile job for an extremely well known company but they don't care what happens outside of work. |
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I know my company would probly be fine but are there laws in place to prevent a company dismissing you unfairly, for example could they use the old bringing the company into distripute if people know who you work for and wat you do in your private life. For example this couldn't happen if you were gay. Do we have the same protection.
Secondly I know work life would become hard as is have to cope with sarcastic comments from the guys. But they wouldn't think of doing similar if it was a race or traditional sexuality issue.
Finally we don't come out for the safety of my wife. She sometimes works from home and if locals knew etc a few cocky ones may think being a swinger means they can knock at the door and try their luck.
Not sure of my question but looking for thoughts
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So you are only a true swinger if you are in a committed relationship? I think the swinging world has moved on since tge 'throwing your car keys onto the table' era. Sadly the rest of the world hasnt. |
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I think swinging means the ability to enjoy seeing someone you love and care for play with others.
As opposed to sex buddies who play with others but would be jealous if they were more committed. Although that's going off in a tangent from the origional post |
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Good topic, and I think swingers are still way behind the likes of the gay community. And for that reason I'm not about to go shouting about it at work.
I have a very easy going relaxed boss but I know for a fact he wouldn't be able to help himself treat me differently - oh and he can't keep a secret so everyone would know.
Until it becomes open and as accepted as many other lifestyle choices I'm staying in the swinging closet. 
Our friends and family don't know, although Our daughter (25) Sussed it out a few years ago and has flatly refused to baby sit for us ever since. So we just keep it to ourselves, saves the hassle.
D |
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That's great to hear your so open.
My questions also based around the point in society do we have any protection legally to our lifestyle like others with different sexual preferences and if not. Shouldn't we? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a taboo culture. Why? Not because of fear or discrimination. It should be private and discrete. We all know about this lobby and that movement and organisation's that can bring a Law suit at the drop of a hat. Lets keep what we do to ourselves and select friends. No axe to grind. Lets keep something that we love to do Selective, Private and personal to us Swingers. As long as you fulfil your family and work commitments. Why not have a release valve. Rex x |
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That's exactly the situation we are in. Minus the daughter. Our family would accept it, but it would be awkward.
Its hard to push society to accept our lifestyle when we are worried to make society have to openly confront it first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think If bruce mentioned his company on here he would face action against him, as it could put the company in a light they don't want to be in. But there is no chance he would get sacked for being a swinger. However I guess for women it's slighlty different if they have a male boss or colleagues they may be treated differently because of the way society sees swingers |
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There's a number of reasons we would like to not keep it private.
Firstly at work if the topic turns to relationships and the guys are like "if I found a guy with my Mrs I'd kill him ect" and I'm involved I find my self having to lie and say similar stereo typical stuff. I'd rather not lie.
Secondly we have some really close swinger friends we see socially, it would be nice to be able to openly be affeciante to both women walking down the street. I know we would get a lot of confused looks if we kissed each others partners then our own. But you wouldn't expect a gay couple to hold back from showing that affection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think swinging means the ability to enjoy seeing someone you love and care for play with others.
As opposed to sex buddies who play with others but would be jealous if they were more committed. Although that's going off in a tangent from the origional post"
It's not going off on a tangent. Your original post is about swingers being protected from discrimination. I am a single swinger. I meet couples and regularly go to clubs. Would I be classed as a swinger if we were protected? I doubt it. Many on the swinging scene only see singles as swingers when it's threesome time. Surely if you want equality then it should be for all of the swinging community. |
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My post said who have the "ability" to enjoy seeing someone they love with others. If you happen to be single but know you like seeing the person your with play with others you still a swinger.
Its like saying a single gay guy isn't gay unless he's in a relationship.
If however you like to sleep with couples and other singles off here but would get jealous if the person you loved played with others. Then doesn't that make you promiscuous, which isn't a bad thing its just not being a swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My post said who have the "ability" to enjoy seeing someone they love with others. If you happen to be single but know you like seeing the person your with play with others you still a swinger.
Its like saying a single gay guy isn't gay unless he's in a relationship.
If however you like to sleep with couples and other singles off here but would get jealous if the person you loved played with others. Then doesn't that make you promiscuous, which isn't a bad thing its just not being a swinger."
I don't have a play partner so like all the other singles on here I must just be promiscuous. I dont think you will win your battle with wider society to accept swinging as a lifestyle if you can't even embrace those that are active on the scene and have been 'being promiscuous' for over 25 years on and off. |
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
Being gay isn't a lifestyle or a choice anymore than being straight is.
While I would hope that my sex life if it became known to friends, family and colleagues wouldn't mean that they viewed me differently I don't intend to ever share any aspect of it with them.
I do think though that anyone who is doing anything safe, sane, consensual and legal should not have to hide it if they don't want to but I dont feel persecuted. |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
Some of our friends and family know we swing.....I don't have a brain/mouth filter so we operate a 'don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer' policy....the ones who know are very curious about it all and ask lots of questions - the ones who don't know don't ask anything  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But if you were in a relationship. Would you enjoy seeing them play?"
Yes because I'm a bloody swinger. Single or not! I may be single but I'm more of a swinger than some of the couples on here. |
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"I understand that being gay isn't a choice. Just needed a comparison I know its not the same, although from a young age iv known I'm different in that I don't get jealous in fact its the opposite "
Your comparison weakens your argument in my opinion. I don't think anybody should fear the wrath of society because of how they choose to live, given certain conditions obviously but certain sexual choices still aren't mainstream and people don't accept them. Our interest in BDSM for instance would cause my parents extreme anxiety, they know we have sex since we're married but we choose not to inflict knowledge on them that they don't need and that would cause them to see us differently.
One day things might be different but certainly not in my life time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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(m) replying to this post in forum.
As I lived many years abroad in Switzerland and elsewhere I find that the UK has a strange approach to anything about "Sex".
Swinging is accepted abroad and no one makes a secret out of it... Fetish/BDSM parties are advertised in local newspapers and gay (f/m) bars have been around for 30 years without problems or issues.
It is illegal in Germany/Switzerland and Austria to fire some one in regard of their private sex life - One of the directors where I worked she was a "hard core" swinger and made no secret out of it...always offering her couch to "others" 
It's all to do about attitudes and acceptance and sadly Britain is miles behind most countries in certain things..  |
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Your right that in my first post I shouldn't have said only committed relationships. I'd re phrase that as, enjoy seeing the one you love play with others. If you happen to be single you can still have that mind set and therefore be a swinger.
Sadly I can't edit it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can see where you are coming from op .
However by coming out as swingers we would not only possibly prejudice our careers , we would put our children's standing at risk and inevitably have to answer all manner of questions from friends and family .
If we didn't swing we wouldn't need to justify who we are so we will continue our secret life !
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a Swinger is a lifestyle choice - a hobby, no more.
Being Gay is part of your core identity - it's how you're born and part of who you are.
Please don't try to compare or correlate the two - they are entirely different things!
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Both me and my wife have tried and failed to have normal relationships in the past.
Its not just a life style for us especially not just a hobby. we couldn't have a relationship any other way.
Granted its not as significant as being gay but we face similar discrimination causing us to hide out lifestyle from society. Although its by no means as hard as the struggles gay rights fought and keep fighting for. Which I truely respect |
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Virtually all our friends know, and while one or two have raised their eyebrows it certainly hasn't cost any friendships.
However I would prefer my work colleagues and bosses didn't know. The organisation I work for would probably find it "undesirable" and I could genuinely be at risk of losing my job. We've undergone three restructures in five years already and I don't need to give them an excuse for the next round.
Family don't know either but that's mostly because there are some members of the older generation including my mother who would be utterly scandalised and quite possibly disown me and my wife if they knew. |
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No one cares where I work.
I'm not about to shout out to my family what I do..but that's only because I'd feel weird answering questions from my mother and brothers..there wouldn't be an issue though... |
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"No one cares where I work.
I'm not about to shout out to my family what I do..but that's only because I'd feel weird answering questions from my mother and brothers..there wouldn't be an issue though..."
That would be great if it was universally like that for all. |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
I was sacked from my last job and I believe a great part of that was down to the fact that we had fucked my direct manager in a threesome in sone woods a few years back. We had met off here (although his profile is now long since deleted).
As he is 'happily married' I think he was scared when he realised it was me. God knows what he thought I was gonna say!?
Anyway, 7 months in and first excuse they could use I was gone.
NEVER been sacked from anywhere and not found another job as no idea what to say as to why I left last company. Wouldn't mind but I was bloody good at what I did there!!!  |
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"Both me and my wife have tried and failed to have normal relationships in the past.
Its not just a life style for us especially not just a hobby. we couldn't have a relationship any other way.
Granted its not as significant as being gay but we face similar discrimination causing us to hide out lifestyle from society. Although its by no means as hard as the struggles gay rights fought and keep fighting for. Which I truely respect"
I think you completely misunderstand the distinction between sexual orientation and sexual preference. |
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If your worried about what others think that much maybe don't do it ? Being on this site alone leaves everyone of us open to whatever agenda other people wish to exploit us with ? We enjoy our secret life ( when we get the chance ?) don't start a bloody swingers union..just look at the bickering on any forum..we don't need a union for swingers rights ? |
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Its very hard to articulate a point using text in a forum. The gay comparison was the best I could think of at the time. I'd hope you can work out that all I'm asking is about legal rights to protect swingers from discrimination.
If you take offence to the comparison then I apologise. But as for the comparison its getting off point and we are at an in pass in our views as to how we would describe our own sexual oriantaion/preference which is a very indervidual thing |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
My reasons a very simple and dispalyed every day on Fab.
Just take a look at the discrimination here on Fab when people bring up the subject of bareback, no blacks, no asians etc.
If swingers can't get on with victimising others what chance is there that the general community could? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Outside world I live a different life. I work in the city with male dominated ( Eventhough I dominated those macho men in my bed room) work and with powerful women. Been a T Girl is what I like to do sexually and its not a full-time thing. I have a life outside fabs and like to keep my business and pleasure seperate |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"I think swinging means the ability to enjoy seeing someone you love and care for play with others.
As opposed to sex buddies who play with others but would be jealous if they were more committed. Although that's going off in a tangent from the origional post"
I am on the wrong site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and being gay isn't a sexual preference. "
Exactly what I was thinking, swinging is a choice you make to do or not, being gay isn't so why keep comparing it to gay rights?? |
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"Oh and being gay isn't a sexual preference.
Exactly what I was thinking, swinging is a choice you make to do or not, being gay isn't so why keep comparing it to gay rights??"
My response earlier
Its very hard to articulate a point using text in a forum. The gay comparison was the best I could think of at the time. I'd hope you can work out that all I'm asking is about legal rights to protect swingers from discrimination.
If you take offence to the comparison then I apologise. But as for the comparison its getting off point and we are at an in pass in our views as to how we would describe our own sexual oriantaion/preference which is a very indervidual thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
Because it's not socially acceptable to be promiscuous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and being gay isn't a sexual preference.
Exactly what I was thinking, swinging is a choice you make to do or not, being gay isn't so why keep comparing it to gay rights??
My response earlier
Its very hard to articulate a point using text in a forum. The gay comparison was the best I could think of at the time. I'd hope you can work out that all I'm asking is about legal rights to protect swingers from discrimination.
If you take offence to the comparison then I apologise. But as for the comparison its getting off point and we are at an in pass in our views as to how we would describe our own sexual oriantaion/preference which is a very indervidual thing"
For a comparison to be valid it needs to be like for like surely....and dont you actually answer your own question about 'coming out' when you said you dont for fear of your wife's safety? |
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If one must make a comparison with gay rights, it is not in the nature of sexuality (which I think we can all agree is not a choice) but in the legal and social situation.
Swinging is lawful but not yet socially acceptable. Many of us would face problems at work if we let it be know that we swing. Although the European Convention on Human Rights protects sexuality and the right to enjoy one's sexuality in private I don't think anyone has tested that in the courts with regards to swinging. Would you like to be the first?
It's still something many people don't share with friends or family for fear of their reaction.
And to complicate matters, many of us also have other aspects of "the lifestyle" such as kink, polyamory, and so on. In general people don't tell every Tom, Dick & Sally about their sex lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Last year I had someone chatting in chat rooms threatening to send my pics here to my employer. Well hey what goes around comes around. That same person has got sacked from the work place due to lying. Serves them right! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the OP has already noted that her gay/swinging comparison probably wasn't the best, but I do get the point that they are trying to make.
We are judgmental by nature and when something is misunderstood or goes against the grain of society and is in a minority, then it's open views by those who are happy to listen to gossip/rumours rather than going to educate themselves about it.
I've lost vanilla friends over this and it would cause a fuss if my employer were to find out due to the nature of my job. But I see this as my private life and and nobodies business but my own. Even if swinging was accepted by society, I doubt I'd want to share. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't so much hide what we get up to we just don't broadcast it same as before we got into swinging didn't go around telling otheres about our private lives.
I admit I wouldn't like my mum to find out because I don't think she would be able to get her head round it she is getting on and very old fashioned but if she was told and was to ask me I would not deny it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think swinging means the ability to enjoy seeing someone you love and care for play with others.
As opposed to sex buddies who play with others but would be jealous if they were more committed. Although that's going off in a tangent from the origional post"
Actually op I don't think Chellester fem WAS detracting from the original post! You clearly implied that the outside world still had an issue with 'true swingers' - ie those couples in long-term relationships! I'm not arguing that those are the foundations on which swinging was based - but, particularly with the advent of the world wide web, swinging has now become a social/friendship/sexual network where friendly, open people can find each other! Many of my swinging friends are platonic (and I know i'm far from unique in that!) - and like others I even plan mini- breaks around friends i've chatted to on fab for months and clubs/places i'd like to visit! If we're to be generally accepted as a group - then it's the huge and admirable friendship/social side of swinging, as well as the opportunities to explore our sexuality/fantasies - that we need to encourage the media to portray in the various tv documentaries and newspaper articles. But first and foremost - if we hope to be full accepted by the 'outside world' then we need to be united and dispense with the idea that couples are the only 'real' swingers, fems are more important than men and tv's/ts's should be kept on the periphery, like some kind of embarassing aunt, unless we require them! In order to be fully accepted as a community we need to embrace and accept each other rather than holding onto the myth that any 'category' of swinger is in some way better or more important than others! We all need each other whether we are sexually attracted to each other or not!! |
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Its true that we are a community and that we all have the right to be able to openly live our chosen sexual lifestyle if we choose.
surely Swinger would be a sub group of this community. I don't know what word you would give to the community, but it should have the protection I an talking about.
for us we describe our selfs as swingers, there are a lot of other tags out there people use, poly, trans, etc.
for me swinger would be a sub group within this community, some one who enjoys seeing the one they love with others, if they happen to be single they would still identify as a swinger.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
Being discriminated against because you're gay isn't the same as being discriminated against because you like a particular type of sex.
Being discriminated against because you're gay... imagine that you couldn't tell anyone that you were dating your long term, married partner. Imagine that if you held your partners hand in public you'd be beaten up, perhaps risk being in a coma. Imagine if your employer found out that you were dating your partner they sacked you. Imagine that you couldn't tell your family that you were dating your partner, in case they disowned you.
Really, being gay isn't a 'sexual preference'. It's an intrinsic part of who you are and you cannot change the sex of the person that you fall in love with. It's like being straight. (Imagine if you had to 'come out' as being straight...).
Liking kinky sex, or liking sex with multiple people, or liking masterbating with apple pie - all of those things are stuff that you could just not do. Or you can do in private. You don't have to tell your colleages about them. You don't masterbate with apple pies (or swing) in full view of your local high street or kids playground - but you might want to hold your partners hand in those places. Or kiss them.
It would be nice to live in a world where it didn't matter what kind of sex we enjoyed, but don't equate that to the same as being straight or gay. Not for one second. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think swinging means the ability to enjoy seeing someone you love and care for play with others.
"
You mean - like polyamory? That's not legally protected either. Not like monogamy is.
I could be sacked for being polyamorous, and indeed I've been pulled into HR for it on multiple occasions over the years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its true that we are a community and that we all have the right to be able to openly live our chosen sexual lifestyle if we choose.
surely Swinger would be a sub group of this community. I don't know what word you would give to the community, but it should have the protection I an talking about.
for us we describe our selfs as swingers, there are a lot of other tags out there people use, poly, trans, etc.
for me swinger would be a sub group within this community, some one who enjoys seeing the one they love with others, if they happen to be single they would still identify as a swinger.
"
To me there's no need to create sub groups and divisions - as that could give the impression that one group/sub-section is in some way superior to another. Surely we can all just nest under the umbrella of 'swingers' and be friends?
If we don't - we're doomed I tell you, doomed!! (Said in voice of Scottish guy in Dad's Army!!) |
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Yeah, although poly and swinger are two sub groups easy to confuse as a swinger I know we are not poly.
to outsiders it may be a subtle difference but for us as swingers, at the most we will develop friendships with those we play with, perhaps close friendships but the line between friendship and love is clearly drawn.
In addition I did mention the Gay thing wasn't the best comparison but i cant edit the original post.
Either way our community needs much better acceptance in society and legal protection.
Seriously I feel i needed a law degree for that first post, in order to word the question in such a way as to not offend anyone but also allow me to ask the question which would allow people to understand what i meant |
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"Its true that we are a community and that we all have the right to be able to openly live our chosen sexual lifestyle if we choose.
surely Swinger would be a sub group of this community. I don't know what word you would give to the community, but it should have the protection I an talking about.
for us we describe our selfs as swingers, there are a lot of other tags out there people use, poly, trans, etc.
for me swinger would be a sub group within this community, some one who enjoys seeing the one they love with others, if they happen to be single they would still identify as a swinger.
To me there's no need to create sub groups and divisions - as that could give the impression that one group/sub-section is in some way superior to another. Surely we can all just nest under the umbrella of 'swingers' and be friends?
If we don't - we're doomed I tell you, doomed!! (Said in voice of Scottish guy in Dad's Army!!) "
in no way is any group superiour to others, but as a user has said they identify as Poly, now if they are under the group "swinger" that means something different. I know id be a lil miffed if I thought of my self as a swinger and society thought of me as poly as that would tell the world my relationships different to the way it actually is
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On another note - look up the 'Legally Bland' case on the Backlash UK website. Also look up 'The Obscenity Lawyer'.
The BDSM scene rally's round to protect people who are victimised in this way.
It would be great if the swing community and the BDSM community could get together for issues like this. But I've always found the swing community very hostile (generally) to BDSM - thus you'd never get any form of working partnership.
People are trying to make sexual preferences a protected characteristic, but unfortunately it's not a very easy thing to do. You have to remember that things like pedophilia and bestiality are also sexual preferences - so you can't just protect 'sexual preferences' wholesale under the law. You'd have to create a great big long list of all the specific activities covered, then it would be used to ostracise those who do things not on the list. The government would basically be saying 'here are a list of activities that we think are ok'. And quite frankly, I have more important things that I want the government to get on with, rather than worrying about swingers.
I've said it before and I'll say it a thousand times again. The way to make change happen is to be out. If we were all out and it was a normal thing (I'm out about being a swinger and a fetishist, as well as being polyamorous and pansexual) then nobody would be able to complain. There would be so many of us that they couldn't sack someone for being kinky or swingers, because they'd be likely to replace that person with another kinky swinger... |
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If there is one term for what we all do, it is perhaps that we all practise non-monogamy to some extent.
Within that umbrella term, there are various activities and preferences. This is a swingers site so it's safe to assume that we all swing. But some people here are also open to forming loving bonds with more than one person (polyamory). Some people are cheating (not my thing at all).
All these activities are forms of non-monogamy and are not protected in law. At least nobody has tested that in court. If my employer finds out that I visit clubs and have a girlfriend in addition to my wife they might well take exception to that given the nature of my work. It's wholly without any basis in logic, but I work with kids and I can see parents not wanting "someone like that" working with their children. |
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"
in no way is any group superiour to others, but as a user has said they identify as Poly, now if they are under the group "swinger" that means something different. I know id be a lil miffed if I thought of my self as a swinger and society thought of me as poly as that would tell the world my relationships different to the way it actually is
"
Some people who are poly also swing. Myself and my wife included. We are poly, but we also enjoy casual sex at clubs and 1-on-1 meets. |
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
. Why should anyone need to know that you are a swinger ?. To a lot of people swinging is about enjoying yourself , not broadcasting the fact . Most people I meet lead interesting lives but swinging is only one of their many interests and discretion is extremely iimportant . If you keep your private life separate from your work life , you can avoid any issues arising . Swinging friends are a different set of friends to other friends . |
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By *andACouple
over a year ago
glasgow |
It's the same as anything else to do with our sex lives to be honest. For example, I wouldn't sit around with my family discussing the fact that I occasionally enjoy anal sex etc so why would I sit around discussing swinging with them? |
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Some jobs are much easier to come out as Poly/swinger/kink/BDSM than others sadly. I work for a very large traditional type organisation where they could quite easily get rid of me and blame it on a re structure.
my company is inherently risk adverse and they would see my life style as an unrequired unstable element.
obv if we all came out at once it would be different but alone I am weak.
I would be interested to know what type of industry you work in where you can be so open |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have first hand experience in keeping my fab life private
Recently someone sent a screen shot of my profile to my employers after, well I got a but I got a but to trusting on fab.
I work in emergency services and well it caused chaos. As my employers told me, I brought the service into disrepute. I got severely told off, and told to close my account down. I can see their point as I may be recognised by a patient from my from fab. Now descretion is a must. So yes if you have a public job etc it's best to stay low key. Happy fabbing |
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"I have first hand experience in keeping my fab life private
Recently someone sent a screen shot of my profile to my employers after, well I got a but I got a but to trusting on fab.
I work in emergency services and well it caused chaos. As my employers told me, I brought the service into disrepute. I got severely told off, and told to close my account down. I can see their point as I may be recognised by a patient from my from fab. Now descretion is a must. So yes if you have a public job etc it's best to stay low key. Happy fabbing"
Exactly what im talking about! this is wrong for the wmployer to do on so many levels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
in no way is any group superiour to others, but as a user has said they identify as Poly, now if they are under the group "swinger" that means something different. I know id be a lil miffed if I thought of my self as a swinger and society thought of me as poly as that would tell the world my relationships different to the way it actually is
"
No, but sometimes it's good to band together with others to provide a larger group. Swingers banding together with those who practice non-monogamy would actually be a good thing. It's all similar in the eyes of many people.
To take the analogy from the OP - it's like the fact that Stonewall (a gay charity) also help campaign for the rights of bisexual people as well as those who are all transgender and intersex. Because they recognise that strength comes in numbers, and a minority is much less likely to be able to change the minds of people. By saying 'these transgender people, they face similar challenges to us gay people' they are helping the public to understand that really, it's not so much of a leap to accept.
Society is - generally - reasonably accepting of polyamorous people. So for swingers to say 'actually, we're not so different to those people' it would add some legitimacy to the argument.
I'd also like to point out that saying swinging is 'not like polyamory' shows a complete ignorance to the fact that polyamory is extremely diverse. For instance I consider myself a relationship anarchist. I have multiple partners that I have 'feelings' for and multiple partners that I don't (like a swinger). I also have friends who i feel more strongly about than some of my romantic partners. The big difference is that I don't believe that my relationships are more important than my friends - they are all the same to me. But some polyamorous people have a 'primary' relationship and then casual secondary and tertiary lovers. Tertiary lovers are basically casual fucks. Like swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some jobs are much easier to come out as Poly/swinger/kink/BDSM than others sadly. I work for a very large traditional type organisation where they could quite easily get rid of me and blame it on a re structure.
my company is inherently risk adverse and they would see my life style as an unrequired unstable element.
obv if we all came out at once it would be different but alone I am weak.
I would be interested to know what type of industry you work in where you can be so open "
I used to work in logistics - an extremely homophobic environment where women are already treated really, really, really, really badly. I was hauled in front of HR many times, and many times I threatened them with unfair dismissal if they got rid of me for anything other than the standard of my (excellent) work.
Now I work as a freelance writer for photography magazines and other clients. I actively turn down clients who do or say things that don't agree with my lifestyle. I don't want to work with/for small minded people. That was the reason I left my career in logistics.
I don't believe 'I am just one person' is ever an excuse - because I was just one person. But I appreciate everyone else has different lifestyles to myself. |
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Wasp_Hunter we should band under the same banner your right.
but at the same time you got upset with me using polyamory which covers a diverse arrray of things. This is how I feel about swinging.
in my opinion Swinger is someone who enjoyes seeing or knowing thier partner plays with others and who doesnt form emotional connections with those other partners. at the same time it doesnt mean they are into BDCm or any additional kinky aspects of life (it doesnt mean they cant be)
now all im looking for is a nice little label which describs that sub group. just like you have your lables for "relationship anarchist" I was under the impression the relationship style i describe above was a swingers relationship.
Please let me know what group I fall into as it seems you have a wide knoelge of these labels |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have first hand experience in keeping my fab life private
Recently someone sent a screen shot of my profile to my employers after, well I got a but I got a but to trusting on fab.
I work in emergency services and well it caused chaos. As my employers told me, I brought the service into disrepute. I got severely told off, and told to close my account down. I can see their point as I may be recognised by a patient from my from fab. Now descretion is a must. So yes if you have a public job etc it's best to stay low key. Happy fabbing
Exactly what im talking about! this is wrong for the wmployer to do on so many levels"
I can see my employers point. Also my union agreed with my employers. I have a position of trust and it would be embarrassing for someone to recognise me. For them and well for myself. I do not blame my employers I blame the sick sad person who dropped me in it. It's hard now to chat to people, having to be so secretive, but I will continue on Fab and hope for the best. It's just a word if warning to anyone with a public job etc. Some people on Fab would not think twice about dropping you in it. Happy fabbing x |
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Well you can tell your employer I for one wouldn't care less if you like to put on a nappy and shit your self at the weekend. As long as its legal and you can save my life id not care what you do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well you can tell your employer I for one wouldn't care less if you like to put on a nappy and shit your self at the weekend. As long as its legal and you can save my life id not care what you do. "
Pmsl at this. Thanks you have lifted my spirits. The vision of me wearing a nappy on my head and having shit my uniform lol. Thanks. I would happily save your life anytime. Just proves people are not all bad on Fab x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some jobs are much easier to come out as Poly/swinger/kink/BDSM than others sadly. I work for a very large traditional type organisation where they could quite easily get rid of me and blame it on a re structure.
my company is inherently risk adverse and they would see my life style as an unrequired unstable element.
obv if we all came out at once it would be different but alone I am weak.
I would be interested to know what type of industry you work in where you can be so open
I used to work in logistics - an extremely homophobic environment where women are already treated really, really, really, really badly. I was hauled in front of HR many times, and many times I threatened them with unfair dismissal if they got rid of me for anything other than the standard of my (excellent) work.
Now I work as a freelance writer for photography magazines and other clients. I actively turn down clients who do or say things that don't agree with my lifestyle. I don't want to work with/for small minded people. That was the reason I left my career in logistics.
I don't believe 'I am just one person' is ever an excuse - because I was just one person. But I appreciate everyone else has different lifestyles to myself."
The advantage you have over many swingers is intelligence and courage! What I adore about swinging is that it brings together every social background/intellect/gender etc etc - ie the pure diversity of it! I agree wholeheartedly that if we all had the courage to 'come out together' then our sheer numbers would force society to accept us!
Remember that being gay became socially acceptable only after years of marches/campaigning etc - and because many famous people 'came out' publically!
Would famous swingers take that risk??
Also I agree with your point that sexuality (Ie being hetero/homo etc) is something beyond a person's control - whereas swinging is simply a lifestyle preference! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well you can tell your employer I for one wouldn't care less if you like to put on a nappy and shit your self at the weekend. As long as its legal and you can save my life id not care what you do.
Pmsl at this. Thanks you have lifted my spirits. The vision of me wearing a nappy on my head and having shit my uniform lol. Thanks. I would happily save your life anytime. Just proves people are not all bad on Fab x"
Of course we're not all bad!!
Most of us are great, i've found! X |
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"Id also not tell everyone I was a swinger if it was deemed socially acceptable and we had clear legal protection.
Its the principle of the thing. Its nice to know its there"
I think we do have clear legal protection. I doubt any employer could sack you for being a swinger and actually give that as a reason. They possibly could sack you for bringing the profession into disrepute if you put clearly identifiable, explicit pornographic photos if yourself on the internet . Also if your wife were to be harrassed or threatened because it was known that you are swingers the police would step in.
|
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"I have first hand experience in keeping my fab life private
Recently someone sent a screen shot of my profile to my employers after, well I got a but I got a but to trusting on fab.
I work in emergency services and well it caused chaos. As my employers told me, I brought the service into disrepute. I got severely told off, and told to close my account down. I can see their point as I may be recognised by a patient from my from fab. Now descretion is a must. So yes if you have a public job etc it's best to stay low key. Happy fabbing"
. This applies to anyone in either the public or private sector . Most employers will have no objection to your lifestyle but will expect you to keep it discreet . If you are unable to have enough common sense to exercise discretion over your lifestyle , how can the company or organisation expect you to exercise discretion over other matters concerning your work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
Or you might just ask your employer that you want to update your hobbies on your profile then include "swinging", i doubt if they would have an idea that you meant the other type of swing lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wasp_Hunter we should band under the same banner your right.
but at the same time you got upset with me using polyamory which covers a diverse arrray of things. This is how I feel about swinging.
in my opinion Swinger is someone who enjoyes seeing or knowing thier partner plays with others and who doesnt form emotional connections with those other partners. at the same time it doesnt mean they are into BDCm or any additional kinky aspects of life (it doesnt mean they cant be)
now all im looking for is a nice little label which describs that sub group. just like you have your lables for "relationship anarchist" I was under the impression the relationship style i describe above was a swingers relationship.
"
I didn't get annoyed at you at all - I think you're reading things into it. I feel that most swingers were actually some form of polyamorous, just not the old fashioned 'one man, many wives' kind of poly.
I think you're right, that a 'strict' swinger is someone who doesn't form emotional bonds with other people. However personally, I know swingers who have been swinging with the same people for years - are you telling me they're not even friends?
I personally don't distinguish between romantic feelings and friendship feelings. I have sex with my friends and I feel emotions for them sometimes. Some of my friends I don't have sex with but feel strong emotions for.
Labels don't really matter - we're all doing non-monogamy and it would be useful in these cases to minimise the differences rather than maximising them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well you can tell your employer I for one wouldn't care less if you like to put on a nappy and shit your self at the weekend. As long as its legal and you can save my life id not care what you do. "
That's a problem too.
You say 'whatever you do as long as it's legal I don't care'. Lots of activities that people into kink do (and there are lots of crossovers here) are illegal. It's illegal to cause more than a 'trifling' injury to someone. So while you'd probably be find with someone who liked to spank their girlfriend on a weekend - you should keep in mind it's not actually legal.
I'm not trying to be antagonistic, just pointing out how it's a very difficult area to try and claim protection in. While non-monogamy isn't illegal, people who are non-monogamous are almost certainly likely to engage in other activities that are illegal.
I think it's likely that in the near future non-monogamy will be a protected characteristic in employment law. Swinging will fall under that - if people step in line. Other sexual preferences won't fall under that, and that's ok too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We keep it a secret. None of our friends or family knows. N is ex military with a public job in a very important company, wouldn't want to jeopardise his work life. Not only that but we feel people would treat us differently.
What about others who would see it as an excuse to try and get into your partners pants without it being on board with everyone, I.E behind your back. The mentality of "well they're swingers I'm going to try my luck with him/her....The partner isn't going to mind are they? " I wouldn't want people disrespecting our relationship because of outside views of this lifestyle |
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Exactly what we are worried about to.
"The mentality of "well they're swingers I'm going to try my luck with him/her....The partner isn't going to mind are they? " I wouldn't want people disrespecting our relationship because of outside views of this lifestyle" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Because swingers are disgusting. They think about sex all the time and will fuck anyone. People just aren't safe when swingers are around. Sex should be between two people, no more. |
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
Being gay ain't a choice as its natural for them & accepted but being a swinger is a life style which the main stream thinks perverted & weird.
Employers do sack people depending on their jobs for putting naughty pics / things about themselves on line which could be used to affect their decisions in their jobs e.g. blackmail etc, police teachers & local government employers do take a dim view on swinging activates hence a lot of careful people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do people in monogamous relationships have to disclose everything they do sexually? For me my sex life is private,it's not a hobby I feel the need to share with people or put on my cv. Why should couples have to? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do people in monogamous relationships have to disclose everything they do sexually? For me my sex life is private,it's not a hobby I feel the need to share with people or put on my cv. Why should couples have to? "
Kerching!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we have close friendships but not love"
I don't love anyone. Does that mean I can't be polyamorous? Does it mean I'm a swinger who lives with a polyamorous person?
Love isn't the same as feelings IMO. Everyone gets so hung up and obsessed with love. |
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All I know is I love my wife, I have close friendships with my swinging friends who we have sex with but we don't have romantic feelings/love for them and to me this is swinging. If we were to open up those friendships into something more loving and romantic then in my eyes this would be a more Poly relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I did not hide it till after I told my last bf , long story but when we finished, him and his mate started coming on here to stalk me , he copped my pics he was showing all his mates said he was going to tell my family and friends , so I came off now I don't put my face on makes me mad as its my life no one else's and I'm not hurting anyone !!!! |
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
We feel it`s a need to know thing no one needs to know our business so we don`t tell anyone and how many people are ever likely to ask are we swingers ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tell my close friends but not others. You only have to see the way some people attack people with a bareback preference on this swinging site to see how easily intollerance of others sexual preferencss appears. |
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It's pretty straightforward for us;we keep what we do as a couple private and simply don't want friends and family knowing our business. We'd rather not have the numerous inquests. Horses for courses; personal preference, as always |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a Swinger is a lifestyle choice - a hobby, no more.
Being Gay is part of your core identity - it's how you're born and part of who you are.
Please don't try to compare or correlate the two - they are entirely different things!
"
Being gay It's how your born!
We'll I never knew that. |
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
because if the church found out ... |
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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago
portrush |
because ..... when we started to share our love, it was with friends..but one of them had to boast ... sweet lady got so much hassle from lads we didnt really know,nor care for... also lots of woman we know seemed to consider us a bit of a threat to their relationship... strange but not everyone knows that just because folk swing,it does not mean humanity is missing |
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences. We choose to restrict who knows about what we do, to just other swingers because we don't want unwanted attention from anyone else. There are some very sad people in this world, and very likely some will live very close to all of us. Just think it's best not to give them rocks to throw. And it's no one elses business. |
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We had a lot of shit with reporters years ago and have a case with The News of the World for possible phone tapping.
Us and other friends who had clubs sites were targeted by one individual, it went on for several weeks until this editor was caught doing naughties with a lady friend of mine on camera...funny that lol.
We told him we would sell the pics story to rival papers if he didn't back off, his words were this will ruin my marriage and my kids will hate me so we told him to think hard before doing another story on the swinging scene.
Amazingly no more stories...don't you love love the power of the media lol.
His paper actually done better for us in one edition than several years advertising in the Loot as any publicity is good publicity, what we didn't like is that this scummy lowlife ruined peoples lives for profit and thats not on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences."
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay. |
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I'm afraid there's just a lot of narrow minded people in this world. Anything that's outside the norm especially if it includes sex or nudity is frowned upon by the masses and seen as something that's morally wrong. We know it's not but there's a lot of screwed up people with screwed up ideas about what's right and what's wrong.
Sadly it's easier for yourself if nothing else to not tell too many people about it. |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences.
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay."
Just because it is said multiple time does not make it true.
Some, note to some gay people it is a choice.
You could argue that the are not true gays but that would be discriminating.
Some believe the gay hetro divide is two ends of a joining line with all shades in between |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"I don't think I would share my heterosexual life with friends or my bisexual life either,, so why would I share my swinging lifestyle!!!
My sex life is private "
We'll its not that private because your a swinger  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We personly like the secrecy it adds to the excitement when we sneak of to go to chams. We are waiting for the kids to ask us why we smell like the swimming baths when we get home and we haven't thought of an excuse why yet any suggestions would be helpful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people in a relationship cannot understand why anyone would want some hairy arsed bloke fucking his mrs,a lot of people just don't get it.  "
I don't want some hairy arsed bloke fucking my missus! She plainly says on her profile no hairy fellas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I would share my heterosexual life with friends or my bisexual life either,, so why would I share my swinging lifestyle!!!
My sex life is private "
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"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences.
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay."
So you think it's ok to discriminate against gay people? |
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"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences.
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay.
So you think it's ok to discriminate against gay people?"
No they are saying that being gay is not a sexual preference just like being heterosexual isn't a preference. |
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"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences.
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay.
So you think it's ok to discriminate against gay people?
No they are saying that being gay is not a sexual preference just like being heterosexual isn't a preference."
The original post was asking if employers have the right to discriminate against swingers. As it was the OP that used the term preference (and I didn't feel the need to question it as I understood what he/she was trying to say) I used it to make my point that I no should be discriminated against for their lifestyle choices.
As for what being gay actually is, frankly I don't really care. I have gay friends and treat them just the same as anyone else.
I don't think the Op meant any offence when he used the the term. But I do think that people should stick to the original subject. If anyone wants to debate what being gay is, that's fine. But start another thread. And don't take peoples words out of context to make it look like they are saying something they are not! |
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I respect people who are open about their presence here but I don't see the point. Personally, in such a judgemental world, I think it would do more harm than good if such information was made public. But then I'm a very private person deep down so the idea doesn't appeal to me. I guess if the scene and lifestyle is a big part of your life then it makes sense but if you're just casually meeting (like me) then why bother? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was just wondering why married swingers like myself. Feel the need to hide our lifestyle from the world. Our close friends know but we would worry if our employers found out or family etc.
I find it sad that in today's world I know we would be open to abuse by some if they knew.
There are gay rights, are there the same rights for swingers. Surely being a true swinger. I.e in a committed loving relationship where you can swap counts as a sexual perefence as much as being gay.
I'd like to know my employer could not discriminate against me if the found out."
me and my mrs been swingin for nearly 20 years and we been very open about what we do .everyone knows what we do and as never been a prob..until recently ..some people who never done it seem to be overly interested and bring it up in arkward places n time so weve decided to tell everyone weve quit ...after it being common knowlege to all around us wed advise u keep it to yourself cz as anotjer person up the post says some people are to small minded and imature to get it ...mick |
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"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences.
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay.
So you think it's ok to discriminate against gay people?
No they are saying that being gay is not a sexual preference just like being heterosexual isn't a preference.
The original post was asking if employers have the right to discriminate against swingers. As it was the OP that used the term preference (and I didn't feel the need to question it as I understood what he/she was trying to say) I used it to make my point that I no should be discriminated against for their lifestyle choices.
As for what being gay actually is, frankly I don't really care. I have gay friends and treat them just the same as anyone else.
I don't think the Op meant any offence when he used the the term. But I do think that people should stick to the original subject. If anyone wants to debate what being gay is, that's fine. But start another thread. And don't take peoples words out of context to make it look like they are saying something they are not!"
I think it was relevant to the op to mention that being gay isn't a preference. Your last sentence made me smile though given the question you asked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest I like my swinging life to be my little escape from reality. I work quite a high pressure job so sometimes it's nice to leave all that behind and be Noadonis |
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"To be honest I like my swinging life to be my little escape from reality. I work quite a high pressure job so sometimes it's nice to leave all that behind and be Noadonis "
Yeah, this lifestyle sometimes feels like another world. Especially with some people you meet here!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel like it's good to hide my swinging. Makes it more fun!"
We agree makes if feel naughtier and like you have a secret life that friends and family don't know about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We live in a small island ,people can be very small- minded,would love to be more upfront about our lifestyle ,hopefully thinks will change,
But for the present have to be very discrete |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think of swinging as a sexual preference in the same way as being gay, and no one should be discriminated against for their preferences.
As has been said above multiple times - swinging is absolutely nothing like being gay.
So you think it's ok to discriminate against gay people?
No they are saying that being gay is not a sexual preference just like being heterosexual isn't a preference.
The original post was asking if employers have the right to discriminate against swingers. As it was the OP that used the term preference (and I didn't feel the need to question it as I understood what he/she was trying to say) I used it to make my point that I no should be discriminated against for their lifestyle choices.
As for what being gay actually is, frankly I don't really care. I have gay friends and treat them just the same as anyone else.
I don't think the Op meant any offence when he used the the term. But I do think that people should stick to the original subject. If anyone wants to debate what being gay is, that's fine. But start another thread. And don't take peoples words out of context to make it look like they are saying something they are not!"
You should try reading back through the posts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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its because a lot of people think they are at risk of catching stds and cheat on their partners. people are meant to stay with one partner that's the way it is and is not likely to ever be any different. |
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