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single problem
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We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
I don't think you even need to say that she is 'your' wife and 'not his'. Touching ANYONE without permission is simply not on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
We wouldn't even consider playing with someone again who had so little regard for her boundaries...Note I said hers, not yours...she needs to assert herself with him and tell him she finds it unacceptable...If he doesn't get the message, then cut him out...essentially, he is sexually assaulting her... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He's absolutely bang out of order. Put him straight the next time you see him. Just because you have played in the past does not give him the right to touch your partner without permission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
We wouldn't even consider playing with someone again who had so little regard for her boundaries...Note I said hers, not yours...she needs to assert herself with him and tell him she finds it unacceptable...If he doesn't get the message, then cut him out...essentially, he is sexually assaulting her..."
Well said.  |
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
We wouldn't even consider playing with someone again who had so little regard for her boundaries...Note I said hers, not yours...she needs to assert herself with him and tell him she finds it unacceptable...If he doesn't get the message, then cut him out...essentially, he is sexually assaulting her..."
Absolutely agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah... You guys should simply set him straight... Regardless of whether you've played in the past or not/ intend to play again or not. It's uncalled for.
And sorry if I'm missing something but.... How's this a "single problem"? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
"
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true. |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true."
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why would you even ask this question?
Have you no respect for your wife,your marriage,yourself?
No one has the right to molest anyone,and call it by any other name you want,it's still molesting.
You are swingers,which means you enjoy sex with others,it doesn't mean it's a free for all with anyone or everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
do you want me to tell him? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try going down the polite route first just say not tonight.. then if he doesnt take the hint then tell him outright. That way you have tried to be nice to start with.
If he still doesn't take the hint .. ask him to pick a window because he is leaving lol.. (if nothing else it will make you smile) .. |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
"
The paragraph were you stated they have previously played so irs a grey area is quite disturbing.
By that logic any one of my exes can therefore come and shag me coz theyve had permission before and that would make it ok then? No its not ok! or a husband cant rape his wife she married him so thats his permission is it? No its not his right just because he put a ring on it!
In the eyes of the law any form of unwanted physical attention is assult that can even be something as simple as holding hands without permission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try going down the polite route first just say not tonight.. then if he doesnt take the hint then tell him outright. That way you have tried to be nice to start with.
If he still doesn't take the hint .. ask him to pick a window because he is leaving lol.. (if nothing else it will make you smile) .. "
im more pro active but THIS  |
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In regards to the OP just politely take the guy to one side and explain how uncomfortable that his assumption to just grad your mrs when he likes makes her and that previous play isnt an invitation to have her when he likes. If he doesnt act respectfully after that kick him to the kerb |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
The paragraph were you stated they have previously played so irs a grey area is quite disturbing.
By that logic any one of my exes can therefore come and shag me coz theyve had permission before and that would make it ok then? No its not ok! or a husband cant rape his wife she married him so thats his permission is it? No its not his right just because he put a ring on it!
In the eyes of the law any form of unwanted physical attention is assult that can even be something as simple as holding hands without permission."
That's the justice system we have, disturbing it might be but I was just trying to offer a realistic insight into that system.
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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago
here and there, thereabouts |
"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
"
Previously playing does not make this a grey area.
Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.
I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away. |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
Previously playing does not make this a grey area.
Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.
I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away."
In reality that is true but I was talking from a legal standpoint, what happens in court and in a police interview is totally different from the judgements we make as individuals.
Not attempting to defend this guy at all and I agree with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd definitely put him in his place. He should only touch your wife with her permission. Just because it is in a swinging club, it doesn't make it right or normal. He needs to know the boundaries. |
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By *andRCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
Consent should no be inferred from any previous contact.
Neither myself or my other half would even consider touching someone at a later date regardless of the situation without seeking permission again.
Perhaps he is under the mistaken impression that he has found a new girlfried and he should be informed of some ground rules. Such as keep your hands to yourself and get some manners |
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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago
here and there, thereabouts |
"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
Previously playing does not make this a grey area.
Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.
I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away.
In reality that is true but I was talking from a legal standpoint, what happens in court and in a police interview is totally different from the judgements we make as individuals.
Not attempting to defend this guy at all and I agree with you."
Committing an offence and being convicted of it are two different things. As you seem aware,our justice system seems rather flawed on occasion.
Your post implies he was not committing an offence.
It may not be easy to prove all the points in court(without knowing all the facts,it seems there was an assault,possibly sexual-balance of probability in the swinging environment they were in seems also there was sexual nature there ) but it doesn't mean it didnt happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
We wouldn't even consider playing with someone again who had so little regard for her boundaries...Note I said hers, not yours...she needs to assert herself with him and tell him she finds it unacceptable...If he doesn't get the message, then cut him out...essentially, he is sexually assaulting her...
Well said. "
Defo well said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be fair this expands past single guys . In my single guy days . Some ladies would assume that if we had played before, they could touch anytime . This is just down to etiquette really . We always treat things on a play by play basis .. In these circles you can never assume , it is just rude |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality."
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across. |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across. "
There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.
From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.
Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across.
There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.
From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.
Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.
"
I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would ask him could I have a word a minute and take him to the side. Then I would explain when he is invited to play it's acceptable to touch my mrs but when we are out and no play plans arranged then he is to keep his hands to himself unless he is given the go ahead. Explain you think hes a good guy and don't want things to escalate further and hope this will solve the issue but if not then your prepared to take things to the next level. Like tell him upstairs lol (joke) lol |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across.
There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.
From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.
Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.
I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread. "
I already have.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
Was what I said earlier.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across.
There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.
From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.
Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.
I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread.
I already have.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
Was what I said earlier.
"
Now now people,don't be letting my aggressive response start a fight betwixt the two of ya's..and although I stand by my earlier metaphorical assault of the man sexually assaulting my metaphorical wife,i did apologise for it at the same time  |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across.
There are more than two options available, it isn't a straight choice between doing nothing and breaking a persons hand or jaw. You seem to be putting words in my mouth.
From what the OP described there would be zero justification for attacking them physically.
Very possible to intervene without anyone getting injured.
I did agree violence on the issue wouldnt help matters. Why not suggest advice to the OP on how you would handle the situation (as i have also done) since thats why they started the thread.
I already have.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
Was what I said earlier.
Now now people,don't be letting my aggressive response start a fight betwixt the two of ya's..and although I stand by my earlier metaphorical assault of the man sexually assaulting my metaphorical wife,i did apologise for it at the same time "
Yes you did apologise and you were just being honest, i think most would say they would take the moral high ground and have a quiet word when in reality its straight to fists flying instead.
As to the other gent i re-read the thread and apologise i missed your advice about having a quiet word with the guy. I still fail to see how you would only say its 'considered' to be sexual assault/harrassment when it quite clearly is that in my eyes and I sharnt apologise for my opinion on that
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but..."
What a pleasant chap you are...
Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
What a pleasant chap you are...
Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations)."
Never claimed to be a pleasant chap love but if you have another option for dealing with a man sexually assaulting your wife feel free to use it by all means..besides I do believe I used the words unfortunately and sorry while describing my actions,surely that counts as half pleasant..but don't worry if I ever see you being assaulted i'll have a quite word in his ear,wouldn't want to offend your sensibilities..
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Thanks everyone for the response.
Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.
And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.
We were only really asking if this was normal behaviour from single guys after you have played with them once as a mmf meet is something louise wants to experience but not at the cost of constant unwanted attention afterwards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
What a pleasant chap you are...
Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations).
Never claimed to be a pleasant chap love but if you have another option for dealing with a man sexually assaulting your wife feel free to use it by all means..besides I do believe I used the words unfortunately and sorry while describing my actions,surely that counts as half pleasant..but don't worry if I ever see you being assaulted i'll have a quite word in his ear,wouldn't want to offend your sensibilities..
"
Well, if I was being sexually assaulted and for some reason the person was not listening to me asking the person to stop, I'd really appreciate it if someone said to me 'are you ok?' and if I say 'no, he's assaulting me' I'd like you to say 'ok, I will go and get the owner for you'.
Rather than, you know, attempting to defend my honour with your fists or something. |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
"Thanks everyone for the response.
Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.
And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.
We were only really asking if this was normal behaviour from single guys after you have played with them once as a mmf meet is something louise wants to experience but not at the cost of constant unwanted attention afterwards"
I don't think it is at all normal. We enjoy an MMF on occasion and the guys that have joined us have all been gentlemen before, during and after, including in social settings on later occasions.
Him |
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By *ordic36Man
over a year ago
Manchester |
That was your cue to step up and say your man part to that guy as soon as she showed signs of uncomfort. Right then and there. But instead of putting an end to it here you are, asking around what should you do?
Dude, no one knows what's in this guys head but if he needs to be told to back off then that was your cue.
Are you really a couple? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but..."
And ironically while trying to present yourself as a hero you actually come across as just as undesirable as the man refered to in the opening post   |
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
How does Louise feel about this and how are the two of you approaching the problem? How can you possibly like a man, either of you, who is doing this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Windmill you know the guy just ask him if he knew it upset you. You have a lovely partner he probably thinks now you have played he would like some more and may feel as no one has approached him to say otherwise, he can! A horny guy doesnt think with his brain im sure if you express your feelings more directly, you will find answers and it wont be a problem. Good luck |
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"Windmill you know the guy just ask him if he knew it upset you. You have a lovely partner he probably thinks now you have played he would like some more and may feel as no one has approached him to say otherwise, he can! A horny guy doesnt think with his brain im sure if you express your feelings more directly, you will find answers and it wont be a problem. Good luck "
erm what about Louise?  |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
"
Absolute tosh. It's consent everytime. The consent given in the past is irrespective now. No consent at that point in time = sexual assault. There's no grey area. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Windmill you know the guy just ask him if he knew it upset you. You have a lovely partner he probably thinks now you have played he would like some more and may feel as no one has approached him to say otherwise, he can! A horny guy doesnt think with his brain im sure if you express your feelings more directly, you will find answers and it wont be a problem. Good luck
erm what about Louise? "
Im pressuming she is already involved but was directing hubby sorry for any misunderstanding it is for both. Id love to hear her side if it now you have highlighted her. Many questions un-answered. I was only offering a non confrontational approach he could think about, for him and his wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would ask him could I have a word a minute and take him to the side. Then I would explain when he is invited to play it's acceptable to touch my mrs but when we are out and no play plans arranged then he is to keep his hands to himself unless he is given the go ahead. Explain you think hes a good guy and don't want things to escalate further and hope this will solve the issue but if not then your prepared to take things to the next level. Like tell him upstairs lol (joke) lol"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for the response.
Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.
And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.
We were only really asking if this was normal behaviour from single guys after you have played with them once as a mmf meet is something louise wants to experience but not at the cost of constant unwanted attention afterwards"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The ones with no social beleive because your wife is in a sex club " she is up for anything" protect her when she needs it.
Trust me not nice when your alone dealing with it.
Her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think that everyone needs to realise that if you don't like something it's ok in fact it's a good thing to put a stop to it."
Good point. I think sometimes we (people) are too worried about hurting other people's feelings, when in fact we should be protecting our own feelings more so. And speaking up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for the response.
Louise did move away at the time as we were in conversation with another couple.
And later she said I'm not feeling it tonight when he tried again.
We were only really asking if this was normal behaviour from single guys after you have played with them once as a mmf meet is something louise wants to experience but not at the cost of constant unwanted attention afterwards"
No, it's not acceptable behaviour. Why you would contemplate actually entertaining his attention again is utterly beyond me. Find someone else for your mmf who understands the dynamic of not only playing with a couple, but respecting your partner as a human being and not a piece of meat... |
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"I think that everyone needs to realise that if you don't like something it's ok in fact it's a good thing to put a stop to it.
Good point. I think sometimes we (people) are too worried about hurting other people's feelings, when in fact we should be protecting our own feelings more so. And speaking up. "
Yes this is the thin end of a wedge that leads to people having sex when they really don't want to or with people they don't want to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
What a pleasant chap you are...
Violence really wouldn't help at all in this situation (or most situations).
Never claimed to be a pleasant chap love but if you have another option for dealing with a man sexually assaulting your wife feel free to use it by all means..besides I do believe I used the words unfortunately and sorry while describing my actions,surely that counts as half pleasant..but don't worry if I ever see you being assaulted i'll have a quite word in his ear,wouldn't want to offend your sensibilities..
Well, if I was being sexually assaulted and for some reason the person was not listening to me asking the person to stop, I'd really appreciate it if someone said to me 'are you ok?' and if I say 'no, he's assaulting me' I'd like you to say 'ok, I will go and get the owner for you'.
Rather than, you know, attempting to defend my honour with your fists or something."
Your more than likely right,in a perfect situation that's probably what I should do but like I said,unfortunately my gut reaction would be to intervene myself.
It's basic human nature,to protect your loved ones and those in danger. Some try and think a way out and some react, some plan for the future, some act on the now.
An example of which would have been in my answering your message, i should have taken my breath and been more rational and polite, i reacted without thinking and was maybe more rude and sarcastic than I should have been, for which I am sorry..
I honestly meant no offence to you or anyone else and I'm hoping that if we can't agree on me being half pleasant can we try going for a quarter,bit less, bit more
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality."
Not in my opinion! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
My number one bugbear with swinging are people who think because I have played with them once the next time they see me its a given I will play again or they feel they now have the right to not follow simple swinging etiquette rules, is ask before you touch, I've had women do this too its not just men
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!"
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way  |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way "
Ok you were just white knighting?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
I don't think you even need to say that she is 'your' wife and 'not his'. Touching ANYONE without permission is simply not on."
Absolutely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way "
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
"
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up  |
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Just because you've met before and had fun that doesn't give him a 24/7 full access pass. As a single guy id never just assume I can touch anyone anytime I want even if ive met them before.
Just mention it in conversation and I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem backing off a bit.
Things like this only become real problems when all that happens is you bottle it up and magnify it in your own mind.
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up "
No! All this could be avoided if he kept his blooming hands to himself in the first place. Men becoming aggressive over women is usually a problem with men considering they own a woman's body in some way not women not being "strong enough".
The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem. |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up
No! All this could be avoided if he kept his blooming hands to himself in the first place. Men becoming aggressive over women is usually a problem with men considering they own a woman's body in some way not women not being "strong enough".
The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up
No! All this could be avoided if he kept his blooming hands to himself in the first place. Men becoming aggressive over women is usually a problem with men considering they own a woman's body in some way not women not being "strong enough".
The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem."
did she tell him? Sorry I missed that. Then yes you're quite right |
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"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"
In the eyes of the law She doesnt have to physically say the word no, eords to that effect suffice also body language and other factors are taken into consideration. If you read the whole thread The female of this couple as told the guy "shes not feeling it" and made excuses to leave, thats her saying No is it not? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence
Really!? "
welll obviously...he maybe an obnoxious prick who needs telling by HER.... But from a legal viewpoint yes |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up
No! All this could be avoided if he kept his blooming hands to himself in the first place. Men becoming aggressive over women is usually a problem with men considering they own a woman's body in some way not women not being "strong enough".
The bloke needs telling, she told him it's HIS problem.did she tell him? Sorry I missed that. Then yes you're quite right"
Yep, she told him "she wasn't feeling it tonight".I do agree with you that some women could be clearer and stronger in telling these men to keep their sleazy, entitled hands to themselves but I'm not keen on any scenario where a man is doing something to a woman that he shouldn't be and the woman is blamed for the outcome. It's seriously time that men learned that there's a fine line between love and ownership......Women too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would you even ask this question?
Have you no respect for your wife,your marriage,yourself?
No one has the right to molest anyone,and call it by any other name you want,it's still molesting.
You are swingers,which means you enjoy sex with others,it doesn't mean it's a free for all with anyone or everyone."
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The important legal precident some people are missing here is the "Weatherspoons Princple" Would his behaviour have been acceptable in your local Weatherspoons on a Sat night for example, if the answer is no then the offending idiot is bang out of order and deserves all that comes his way
That m'lud concludes the case for the prosecution. No further questions Your Honour |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true."
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I have seen couples where it's accepted that a guy can touch the woman if they have an on going arrangement. Before putting my hanging hat on I would want to know much more including
How the lady feels about it because it seems to be about hurt men's feelings.
If any discussion around giving her strategies and support to deal with unwanted attention has taken place.
If the man in question has any reason to think that his attentions might be acceptable.
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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago
here and there, thereabouts |
"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up "
With respect, unnecessary force in your eyes. This male was clearly not great as listening/ reading cues and if 'hands on 'is used to protect the woman, the force used must be proportionate...clearly beating the crap out of him in this case would not have been, but exerting pressure on a hand.....
There is so much wrong with your statement about 'woman' up.HeadingDown a slippery slope saying women are at fault for any sexual assault that takes place... Goodness me.i am really shocked by this. |
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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago
here and there, thereabouts |
"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"
No expert, but I am fairly certain that is not the case! always willing to educate myself if you are correct though!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up
With respect, unnecessary force in your eyes. This male was clearly not great as listening/ reading cues and if 'hands on 'is used to protect the woman, the force used must be proportionate...clearly beating the crap out of him in this case would not have been, but exerting pressure on a hand.....
There is so much wrong with your statement about 'woman' up.HeadingDown a slippery slope saying women are at fault for any sexual assault that takes place... Goodness me.i am really shocked by this. "
you're misinterpreting what I said.... I've made it clear I missed the bit where she said no.... Maybe the op should of made it clear at the start..... Obviously if a woman says no then it means no.... Only a idiot would say otherwise |
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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago
here and there, thereabouts |
"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
all this would be avoided if she was strong enough to deal with this herself.... A classic case of a lack of confrontation leads to conflict.... She needs to err woman up
With respect, unnecessary force in your eyes. This male was clearly not great as listening/ reading cues and if 'hands on 'is used to protect the woman, the force used must be proportionate...clearly beating the crap out of him in this case would not have been, but exerting pressure on a hand.....
There is so much wrong with your statement about 'woman' up.HeadingDown a slippery slope saying women are at fault for any sexual assault that takes place... Goodness me.i am really shocked by this. you're misinterpreting what I said.... I've made it clear I missed the bit where she said no.... Maybe the op should of made it clear at the start..... Obviously if a woman says no then it means no.... Only a idiot would say otherwise"
I am not sure I did, we can agree to differ there though.
there was no implied consent from her giving him no grounds to be touching her.
Whether she said no or not, your comment appeared to shift blame onto a victim rather that the person doing wrong- you called it a 'classic case' that could have been avoided if she had acted differently.
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"You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.
Just open your mouth and tell him no.
Nuff said."
How do you know who is legally trained or isnt? are you yourself trained or merely an hypocrite?
FYI she did say No! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
OMFG... He defo needs telling!!!
How would he feel if people he didn't approve of touching him, just leapt in there. Makes my skin crawl these people that think its a free for all coz its in the swinging world!!!
Tell him loud n clear, also have a word with the staff at the club, he maybe doing this to others, plz make them aware.
Awww, hope this is sorted out, its horrible not feeling comfortable xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
"
Yes chum,i still would've resorted to force,you may deem it unnecessary all you wish, that's your opinion,nothing more and nothing less. Now If when confronted with any situation you feel the need to go and tell on someone or ask for help to deal with it, that's fine, I on the other hand prefer to deal with things myself. Is it right or wrong, who am I to judge, I'm online looking for strangers to touch my dangley bits my morals are long gone but if yours are still intact feel free to judge away.
Look at that poor child from Bristol, I'm sure her loved ones would have appreciated anyone who went to get help as much as they would anyone who stepped in too help..
All I can say is that yet again I did point out my actions would have been unfortunate and I was sorry for that right from the start  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
Ok you were just white knighting?
"
Yeah, kinda like someone throwing that in to save the poor folks on the forums here too, probably shoulda called me a troll to go with it
It was an over exaggeration chum;
That sun's blinding me.
I'm starving.
I can't wait till the weekend.
I'm gonna kill that Damn dog,but ya don't, you put it out and you get on your hands and knees to clean the mess..
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"And as for sexual assault, unless SHE is clearly saying no then he hasn't committed a criminal offence"
that may be the case in ireland.... that certainly is not the case in the uk...
in fact its almost the complete opposite.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
Not in my opinion!
It was a metaphorical jaw breaking in honesty, i would have made sure I hurt when I removed his hand and made sure he knew he was wrong, nobody was getting stabbed in an alley way
So you'd still have resorted to unnecessary force in the first instance?
Yes chum,i still would've resorted to force,you may deem it unnecessary all you wish, that's your opinion,nothing more and nothing less. Now If when confronted with any situation you feel the need to go and tell on someone or ask for help to deal with it, that's fine, I on the other hand prefer to deal with things myself. Is it right or wrong, who am I to judge, I'm online looking for strangers to touch my dangley bits my morals are long gone but if yours are still intact feel free to judge away.
Look at that poor child from Bristol, I'm sure her loved ones would have appreciated anyone who went to get help as much as they would anyone who stepped in too help..
All I can say is that yet again I did point out my actions would have been unfortunate and I was sorry for that right from the start "
Wow. Are you really bringing the murder of a schoolgirl in to this? And without knowing the citmrcumstances of het death suggesting that her poor parents would have been glad to have someone lime you around to protect her?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If i am at a club ad get touched and not said ok i will look at them in the eye and say "NO thanks dont touch me i didn't invite you to"
You have a mouth so use it say No
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"You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.
Just open your mouth and tell him no.
Nuff said.
How do you know who is legally trained or isnt? are you yourself trained or merely an hypocrite?
FYI she did say No! "
Can't be a forum of lawyers...
Think you need to look up how to use the word hypocrite too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" ***Edited to save space but as per above***
Wow. Are you really bringing the murder of a schoolgirl in to this? And without knowing the citmrcumstances of het death suggesting that her poor parents would have been glad to have someone lime you around to protect her?
"
Did I reference a horrific act that's happened in our very own backyards, yes I did. If that offends you then I am sorry,it's in no way my intention. You also might want to avoid the number of forums actually discussing this very subject if you're that worried about what folks have to say on the matter..
None of this is actually relevant to the OP!s post anymore which probably ended up above somewhere (which I do hope you get resolved)..Sorry where did we get to, oh yeah, judging my character..climb down off the high horse chum,never worry about me and you and yours have a nice day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
Sadly sometimes people forget common courtesies and need reminding - so tell him.
If continues tell them in loud voice TO STOP and then leave well alone as showing no respect. |
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"You gotta love it when a bunch of legally untrained people decide what the law is.
Just open your mouth and tell him no.
Nuff said.
How do you know who is legally trained or isnt? are you yourself trained or merely an hypocrite?
FYI she did say No!
Can't be a forum of lawyers...
Think you need to look up how to use the word hypocrite too."
If you dont know the law you cant say what is or isnt legal anymore than any other person unqualified to do so either so yes its hypocritical |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true."
You are technically correct but, in law, if he believes he has consent then no crime may have been committed. I think it's important that the OP (her) makes it totally clear to him that she is not consensual to his attentions any longer. That way there can be absolutely no ambiguity about it. |
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
The paragraph were you stated they have previously played so irs a grey area is quite disturbing.
By that logic any one of my exes can therefore come and shag me coz theyve had permission before and that would make it ok then? No its not ok! or a husband cant rape his wife she married him so thats his permission is it? No its not his right just because he put a ring on it!
In the eyes of the law any form of unwanted physical attention is assult that can even be something as simple as holding hands without permission.
That's the justice system we have, disturbing it might be but I was just trying to offer a realistic insight into that system.
"
And I would agree that your advice is sound and probably the best cause of action to take. |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
Why? Much worse than what he did in reality.
While i agree solving violence with violence doesnt help. Are you seriously saying youd do nothing if you saw a guy unappropriately touching a woman (especially one you cared for) in an unwanted nature? and that the single guy in question was justified? As thats how its coming across. "
Not sure about it being much worse but an easily provable assault would be far more likely to get a conviction than a difficult to prove sexual assault or rape.
Both are, of course illegal although the belief that a sexual assault or rape had taken place might be taken into consideration as mitigation when passing sentence for any later physical assault.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take the guy aside and politely explain that although you have played your not looking to play with him at this time and his actions are making your wife uncomfortable.
Legality aside it is sexual assault even if it would be difficult to prove (which I dont believe it would be) but personally a quiet word would probably suffice rather than assaulting him or getting the police involved. If your not comfortable telling him, maybe you could ask the owner of the club to remind him of club etiquette. |
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"We met a couple at a club and had a good play time, they are singles who go to clubs together and alone
Since then we have seen the male at party's and clubs and he constantly thinks he can touch louise as and when he wants
is this normal swinging behavior or does he need telling ??
We do like the guy and may play again in the future but louise is my wife and not his to paw at.
"
Not only is she NOT his to paw at and just because you're married to each other doesn't mean she's yours to be pawed at either, you don't own her and she doesn't you.
Now correct the etiquette in any venue any any where is NO touching without asking and invitation. Now clearly in a club in say a gang bang it can be a bit of a free for all and if rules haven't been set, if it's happening in say a hotel or your own home you can lay down the rules of the night and even any future meets. I know I've seen occasions where it's been come one come all and there's been no rules laid down, I've also been on the end of the same at a club in Hanley where I was not only mauled but stalked! At one point in the evening another couple came up to me and asked why I wasn't with my partner! Once I gave a brief explanation they were extremely apologetic and the owners asked her to leave, they thought I was a right arsehole for not looking after her as she stumbled her way around the club!The owners had introduced us at the bar and we spoke for all of 10 minutes! TOO much alcohol was involved before she'd even entered the club, she'd taken a shine too me through beer goggles and despite my best efforts I was her 'challenge' for the night. Yes, it might seem funny but at the time it wasn't because with her being so d*unk it could have been a very difficult situation. She was banned for a short while and told not to come to the club if she was d*unk or intending to get so. As a single it's difficult enough and I'm not going to follow couples around all night as some do but you have to start a conversation some how. On the other hand in another club I've been in the hot tubs and there are hands and mouths everywhere! but I've also seen people have their advances rejected too just as in vanilla life and it's accepted. and it's always been taken well and respected. I would sometimes go with a lady who appreciated having me there to be a barrier for unwanted advances but it's never ever got to the point where violence is involved, and it never would. People can't get it right every time and also it's possible as devils advocate that one of you may be more against the touching than the other but the other doesn't want to upset the apple cart by saying so, not saying it is in this instance but you can't tell me it doesn't happen. I remember being in the round room on one occasion where were we touching each other enjoying the show on the round beds in the centre, we were near the little settee that's opposite the door as you walk in when all of a sudden a mouth encircles my cock and a lady is really going for it! I didn't invite her but she deemed it ok, we had a quick chuckle and the lady I had gone with got down and joined in! that went really well!!
point being if your rules haven't been explained it may just be a case of a gentle reminder being given. too often you'll see action going on where clearly no explanations have been given but that doesn't mean that's the case with the next people you meet. if you are there to chaperone and you've agreed rules between the 2 of you you can't expect someone else to automatically know your rules or expectations. Th venue/club will have a clearly defined list of rules that every one has to abide by let alone the 'laws' of the land.
For me it's simple, you see people you like, you'll initially try to make eye contact to see if there's a spark, then try to converse and if it goes further great if not then no matter. This process also goes in reverse, I've also walked away politely and for various reasons but it's usually because that 'spark' chemistry, attraction what ever you want to call it just isn't there, but also because a tooth brush isn't in their hygiene regime.
It's a shame this has happened because as you say you've already played and would consider doing so again. it sounds as if the familiarity you've shared has been misunderstood and he doesn't know your rules if the touching hasn't been nipped in the bud, having said that that even if you had made rules and he'd understood you/all can change those whenever! they are not cast in stone. |
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"Take the guy aside and politely explain that although you have played your not looking to play with him at this time and his actions are making your wife uncomfortable.
Legality aside it is sexual assault even if it would be difficult to prove (which I dont believe it would be) but personally a quiet word would probably suffice rather than assaulting him or getting the police involved. If your not comfortable telling him, maybe you could ask the owner of the club to remind him of club etiquette."
If you really want to avoid any ambiguity then it really has to be OP(her) who tells him that she's non consensual to his actions, not OP(him) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's absolutely bang out of order. Put him straight the next time you see him. Just because you have played in the past does not give him the right to touch your partner without permission."
this - gawd help anybody that overstepped a mark - standard joke here that we are expecting a person shaped hole in the bedroom wall |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you've explained how it's out of line and he still continues to do it then chin the twat because he obviously has no respect for you as he has continued the behaviour even AFTER you politely explained it's not on.
Him |
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I'm confused: think the first word I uttered was "no!" When did we lose that ability? Do we really need to ask if it's acceptable. Also why would you even consider entertaining someone who has no respect?
I've been in a club with my other half and touched. My whispered "if you want to play tonight and not carry your gonads home in a bag I wouldn't touch me again" made my position crystal clear...he didn't!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think sexual assault is probably going a bit too far but the behaviour is totally inappropriate.
No, touching someone sexually without consent is most certainly sexual assault.
That might be an uncomfortable fact for some people, but it doesn't make it less true.
Not sure I agree, clearly the man doesn't understand or care about boundries but from a legal standpoint he'd be very unlikely to ever get convicted or even charged with sexual assault.
Not trying to defend this person at all but for it to be sexual assault it has to be shown thay there was no consent and that the 'touching' was intentional and of a sexual nature, in other words a nightmare to prove one way or the other.
Had this couple not previously 'played' with this man then there would be no grey area.
He should probably be told what he is doing could be considered sexual assault and reported to whoever runs the party or club.
Previously playing does not make this a grey area.
Consent can be withdrawn, and just because once was given does not give carte blanche rights nor infer that they may do as they please in the future.
I hope you are never unfortunate enough to experience someone taking your freedom of choice away.
In reality that is true but I was talking from a legal standpoint, what happens in court and in a police interview is totally different from the judgements we make as individuals.
Not attempting to defend this guy at all and I agree with you."
No disagree in the past we have encountered problems ourselves near enough on this matter however in our point it was just words being said which the cps cant prosecute for which sucks 100% if it went past that ie touch they can be prosecuted |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
To me as a single guy,I Am very consious about joining others for example touching without being invited or at least me asking would you mind if I joined in.
I am not the most tactile of people in a social situations....as for me people have a right to personal space.
On Saturday a couple were playing and a guy had got to close and they said would you mind backing away.
If I see a couple playing and I have had a wank when watching I say thank you for letting me watch. It is only polite but I have seen loads that don't do that. |
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"Unfortunately I think my reaction would have me barred from the club,I'd have broke his hand before I broke his jaw.sorry but...
i would have too  "
Do you not think that just telling him straight what the score is would be a better way to deal with the situation. |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
We were at our local club on Saturday and playing in an open area. I was giving my OH a BJ (well it was steak and BJ day!) when a guy we'd played with before (once and many months ago) just plonked his cock out in front of my face. He didn't speak or smile he just stood there...... Did he really think he had the right?!!! Oh, and this is the guy who doesn't give oral because he saved this for his girlfriend! Yeah, right!
I know he didn't touch but he was extremely close to my face.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We were at our local club on Saturday and playing in an open area. I was giving my OH a BJ (well it was steak and BJ day!) when a guy we'd played with before (once and many months ago) just plonked his cock out in front of my face. He didn't speak or smile he just stood there...... Did he really think he had the right?!!! Oh, and this is the guy who doesn't give oral because he saved this for his girlfriend! Yeah, right!
I know he didn't touch but he was extremely close to my face. "
What did you say/ do? |
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