FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Depression

Depression

By *ee2play OP Woman over a year ago

canterbury

Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

My husband suffers with it on and off for months/years at a time. Always has done. You'd have thought i'd have learnt how to cope with it by now but I still find myself going over the same old things every time I let it get to me. Does he still love me? Am i not attractive? Will he ever stop being tired??! The list goes on...

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well Im sure Mrs P will be commenting here at some point

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

A family member suffers from depression and did all through my childhood too I didn't understand it then and it had a bad effect on me I wish I had known then that it isn't the person saying and doing the nasty things, it's the illness. Keep reminding yourself of that, spend quality time away from the person suffering and see if there are any support groups, it's very tough I know.....good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffer with depression and I'm sure he loves you and finds you attractive he just needs you to be there for him and reassure him and hopefully in return you get that back in return...... I hope things improve for you both x

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By *oxesMan over a year ago

Southend, Essex

I have depression i have only just came off my citopeium. I had to find my own support. I found the uni councaler and decided to forgoe social media for a while so i could positively reflect on how to change my life.

Apparently when some one has depression it is like that person is someone else. For the first few weeks or so don't let them by there selves others wise they are left with their negative thoughts.

That's the best advice i can give you.

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By *oxesMan over a year ago

Southend, Essex

Of course he loves you and do not think otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Keep them busy trying and do fun things go for walks and light exercise they may not talk or seem it but it does help put funny films on you know they like

But look after yourself find someone who can help from mental health teams and friends and remember your not alone in this and there are people out there to support you xx hope it help

(From a sufferer)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP put it in forum here see what come up under Depression as we chat about this at times and lots say some really good things to help . Do you go with him to Doc s and say you could do with support as its out there if you ask .. If things ever get bad you call Samaritans I keep saying this here as I was one and we would be there for everyone. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have had depression for 21 years now. Its hard for people to truly understand how u feel. They think u r just fed up. Totally wrong. I try my best to make my partner understand it and how my medication makes me feel. Ignorance is bliss in some cases. Anyone who needs to talk about it can pm me anytime x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I cant decide if I have depression or am just fed up. Can anyone explain the difference. I was offered anti depressants by the doctor but I refused them. I like to do light exercise or walk in the woods on a sunny day listening to bird song, then I feel really happy. "For all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world" (well, the bit I inhabit is)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have u got in contact with mind they may be able to tell u if there is any support groups in your area hope this helps x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had an ex suffer with depression. It was the illness that broke us up. I didn't realise for a long time what it was unfortunately. As a result, I had no coping mechanisms in place to help me deal with it. Have you checked MIND out?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I cant decide if I have depression or am just fed up. Can anyone explain the difference. I was offered anti depressants by the doctor but I refused them. I like to do light exercise or walk in the woods on a sunny day listening to bird song, then I feel really happy. "For all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world" (well, the bit I inhabit is)"
Well I had it when my Dad died for 2 years and it was like being in a dark hole I could not get out and I was screaming inside and no one could here me only me as in my head....... For me it was positive thinking and reading books and leaning to be nice to myself . Its don't happen over night getting out of the hole .. its little steps finding things that make your life worth living .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I cant decide if I have depression or am just fed up. Can anyone explain the difference. I was offered anti depressants by the doctor but I refused them. I like to do light exercise or walk in the woods on a sunny day listening to bird song, then I feel really happy. "For all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world" (well, the bit I inhabit is)Well I had it when my Dad died for 2 years and it was like being in a dark hole I could not get out and I was screaming inside and no one could here me only me as in my head....... For me it was positive thinking and reading books and leaning to be nice to myself . Its don't happen over night getting out of the hole .. its little steps finding things that make your life worth living ."

Thanks,

Sometimes I feel bereft of energy or enthusiasm, mainly when its raining or black clouds are about, which is quite often up here in the Lakes. Oddly enough I spent some time in Norfolk and liked it, lots of sun and big skies, your lucky

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I cant decide if I have depression or am just fed up. Can anyone explain the difference. I was offered anti depressants by the doctor but I refused them. I like to do light exercise or walk in the woods on a sunny day listening to bird song, then I feel really happy. "For all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world" (well, the bit I inhabit is)Well I had it when my Dad died for 2 years and it was like being in a dark hole I could not get out and I was screaming inside and no one could here me only me as in my head....... For me it was positive thinking and reading books and leaning to be nice to myself . Its don't happen over night getting out of the hole .. its little steps finding things that make your life worth living .

Thanks,

"
Well I love Norfolk we get good weather really to a lot of the uk ... Well you live in a lovely part of the country I come there now and again and love it. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For him the tiredness will be a killer. Mental tiredness means he won't be thinking straight,physical tiredness he won't be able to do much. He will be fighting this in his head and will need a distraction that isn't too taxing. During my worse months my husband hardly left my side,he cuddled me on the sofa for days on end just telling me it will get better. Gradually it did but it doesn't go away. I know it made him ill too and I tried to support him when I felt a little better. Having a reason to do something made me get up and live my life. Everyone is different and copes differently. You will cope,you're still with him so you're coping. Thinking positive helps me,things were very bad,they got better and still are. I could go on forever as I've had 16 years of this and childhood depression x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP look up things here on the net positive thinking and books and things ... you can pass this to your other half as what we give out in life we get back and I think it could really help you both . xx(((BIG HUGS))))

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I cant decide if I have depression or am just fed up. Can anyone explain the difference. I was offered anti depressants by the doctor but I refused them. I like to do light exercise or walk in the woods on a sunny day listening to bird song, then I feel really happy. "For all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world" (well, the bit I inhabit is)Well I had it when my Dad died for 2 years and it was like being in a dark hole I could not get out and I was screaming inside and no one could here me only me as in my head....... For me it was positive thinking and reading books and leaning to be nice to myself . Its don't happen over night getting out of the hole .. its little steps finding things that make your life worth living .

Thanks,

Well I love Norfolk we get good weather really to a lot of the uk ... Well you live in a lovely part of the country I come there now and again and love it. x"

Do you come for the hill walking,? it is amazing, the views and the peace, you can always find a quiet place to sit and watch the world go by. Do you go boating on the Broads ?, I loved doing that, 10 days in an old sailing boat up and down the Broads a few years back. Must book another holiday down there some time. Ahh, Feel better already

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By *oxesMan over a year ago

Southend, Essex

Has your husband thought about doing a regeim of moderate exercise. Exercise has shown to be the best form of antidepresent be cause exercise can help moderate and promote the production of pleasure hormones such as endorphins.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I cant decide if I have depression or am just fed up. Can anyone explain the difference. I was offered anti depressants by the doctor but I refused them. I like to do light exercise or walk in the woods on a sunny day listening to bird song, then I feel really happy. "For all its shams, drudgery and broken dreams, its still a beautiful world" (well, the bit I inhabit is)Well I had it when my Dad died for 2 years and it was like being in a dark hole I could not get out and I was screaming inside and no one could here me only me as in my head....... For me it was positive thinking and reading books and leaning to be nice to myself . Its don't happen over night getting out of the hole .. its little steps finding things that make your life worth living .

Thanks,

Well I love Norfolk we get good weather really to a lot of the uk ... Well you live in a lovely part of the country I come there now and again and love it. x

"
yes I do all that its makes me happy ....... xx was there 5 months ago looking at horses , lol xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The being outdoors and light exercise doesn't work for me all the time. I would just be walking around crying. It makes me laugh thinking about it now that I would be on days out with my children and have to go into a toilet for a cry. I still don't get much satisfaction from activities or watching films,reading books. I do it,I enjoy it and then it's done. After a long day out I need a few days recovery,mentally and physically. I like to sit with the sun on my face not thinking of anything. I can listen to the birds and try not to think. Trial and error is what I did. Not thinking is very difficult to do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Small world, next time your up, give me a call x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This time of year is a hard time for people with depression, little natural sunlight, which gives us vitimin D, it may be worth trying a SAD sun light lamp, sounds abit odd but can realy help.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have suffered with depression and anxiety since my teens. It's difficult to explain how you feel, most of the time you are numb. When you are on a high everything is amazing, when you are low nothing is ever good enough or matters at all. There is no middle ground. It's hard for other people too.

Main thing is you are there to support him through the highs and lows. He still loves you, he just can't express it xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

"
it can be hard living with someone who has depression but its the small things that matter. Dont ever blame yourself im sure your a lovely person and at times it will seem unfair but try lookin at what you do have and not what you could have. Take a step back im sure youll soon realise things are not as sad as you sometimes think they are try to be positive. best wishes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffered with depression for 16 years now on and off after family trauma..

Every one has bad days and get fed up that's natural... But with depression it lasts longer than a couple of days...

The feeling of emptiness and hopeless low self esteem.

When I get these time I go into myself carnt look people in the eye and feel very unattractive.... Which makes my partner feel the same and thinks I don't love her but it's the complete opposite.

I think how can she want to be around someone lick me

But when I'm up im a bit manic but he'll is it fun.... Enjoy the highs hate the lows... No no to medication for me... Exercise all the way helps to keep the black dog at bay

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffered with depression for 16 years now on and off after family trauma..

Every one has bad days and get fed up that's natural... But with depression it lasts longer than a couple of days...

The feeling of emptiness and hopeless low self esteem.

When I get these time I go into myself carnt look people in the eye and feel very unattractive.... Which makes my partner feel the same and thinks I don't love her but it's the complete opposite.

I think how can she want to be around someone lick me

But when I'm up im a bit manic but he'll is it fun.... Enjoy the highs hate the lows... No no to medication for me... Exercise all the way helps to keep the black dog at bay

Like not lick lol

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By *ohjaneCouple over a year ago

south staffs

"This time of year is a hard time for people with depression, little natural sunlight, which gives us vitimin D, it may be worth trying a SAD sun light lamp, sounds abit odd but can realy help."

Just my thought, and please get him on Vitamin D3. 5000iu per day available from Nutri-West or your nearest friendly chiropractic clinic.

Good luck.

Jane x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

O p i have suffered with it for years levels of it change daily and do not wish to offend as we all have reasons for being on fab does your fella know you swing because if so may not be helping his depresssion however if not then if he found out and trying not to sound dramatic could make his depression lot worse.

As said not meant to offend but have you considered explaining to him how its affecting you as well.

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By *inkxRabbitWoman over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

Feeling down only lasts a few days. If is fine in fire linnet than three weeks, your sleep/eating/motivation is affected. If you have withdrawn from stiff you used to enjoy is depression.

Admitting it is the hard bit but there are people who can help.

I'm on sertraline, have been for several years now. I know I can't stop it, I still have periods of feeling really down.

Drugs are one thing but you need talking therapy, CBT or counselling. Google "mind gym". I found that useful.

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By *inkxRabbitWoman over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

"Feeling down only lasts a few days. If is fine in fire linnet than three weeks, your sleep/eating/motivation is affected. If you have withdrawn from stiff you used to enjoy is depression.

Admitting it is the hard bit but there are people who can help.

I'm on sertraline, have been for several years now. I know I can't stop it, I still have periods of feeling really down.

Drugs are one thing but you need talking therapy, CBT or counselling. Google "mind gym". I found that useful. "

*if it lasts longer than three weeks

doh predictive text

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Been depressed myself...was in a very unhappy marriage. I know you're asking for help and suggestions and hopefully something will help but what I would find it annoying if people want to 'help' me. Out of my depression and ' cheer' me up. You sometimes have to hit rock bottom so reach a point in yourself where your own self worth is standing up and making you do things again that you liked. I started talking to people and socialising. It was a long slow process of a couple of years

I lived very isolated in the rural countryside in a new country for years and nobody knew my thoughts, doubts, feelings. I felt that there was no way out and didnt want to live anymore......Walking with a friend was the first step to sharing my inner thoughts and marriage problems. Ended up on light meds but they didnt help in my case. Counseling was good for a while till I realised I have to do this myself......it was a long rocky road and I am a better person because of it as I've more empathy with people. I dont wish it on anybody as it can feel very very lonely. Wish you and your partner all the best! Nikki x

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By *lactontogMan over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

"O p i have suffered with it for years levels of it change daily and do not wish to offend as we all have reasons for being on fab does your fella know you swing because if so may not be helping his depresssion however if not then if he found out and trying not to sound dramatic could make his depression lot worse.

As said not meant to offend but have you considered explaining to him how its affecting you as well."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As said not meant to offend but have you considered explaining to him how its affecting you as well.

"
read her profile! They are a swingers couple so yes he is fully aware

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffer with depression and like your husband it comes and goes. My lowest point have been low and have 3 suicide attempts under my belt. I know the signs now and I know when it's going to be a bad time. I try and be around friends and family rather than be alone. I try and make myself go out gp shopping just so I can't sit and dwell and reflect on things xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffer from a bipolar disorder and OCD, and am on a high dose of fluoxetine daily, 60mg. Had to do to counselling for the OCD, but that's really controlled now. My mood however changes. I have moments when I am happy(rare) and then switches suddenly to severe depression where I can't be arsed anymore! The pills make be feel 'dead' inside for the majority of the time and I don't seem to feel emotion anymore except when I'm in a manic state of happiness! Most of the time I feel dead and dip into depression and then back into the dead zone!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People who know me are used to my mood changes now. I get less chatty, snappy and just want to be alone and can be very blunt with people.

It's part of the condition and it's how the depression makes me feel.

Don't take it personally although it is hard not to! Just try and be understanding and supportive!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forgot to add I sleep lots too! When I come in from my job, I have to sleep. I can only spend so much time around people too, they wear me out and I need my own time to switch off and chill!

Depression makes you very tired and makes you want to be left alone!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Try and find sometime in your day just for you. A nice relaxing bath with candles ect.

As others have said walks are good, heathy diets and a good amount of sleep.

Plan things to look forward too, short and long term.

Hope this helps x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffer from depression due to an injury and not being able to use my right arm, its like everything else, you can either find someone to talk to, talking theropy works.

Myself i take citralapalm, it works wonders. makes me last longer in bed also, makes it somewhat more enjoyable. the next few days seem to bring me up afterwards. unfortunately it contains bromide, which i admit over time reduces the desire to have sex or want sex, but it works wonders with talking theropy. yourself can request it from your gp for yourself, or your husband can request it for himself.

It does help to have a neutral person to talk to that isnt there to judge you and help you come to terms with the cause, maybe even move onto cognetive behavioural theropy, then activation theropy..

theres lots of support available for yourself to offload or your partner to help him alter the way ge thinks.

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By *nthonyreidMan over a year ago

Santa Cruz Mountains Ca

my x had serious depression for many years its not easy to live with especially when you cant really do much to help ! If you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeh i found alot of peopl on fab have depression its a terrible disease & also like jelousy too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suffer from depression due to an injury and not being able to use my right arm, its like everything else, you can either find someone to talk to, talking theropy works.

It does help to have a neutral person to talk to that isnt there to judge you and help you come to terms with the cause, maybe even move onto cognetive behavioural theropy, then activation theropy..

theres lots of support available for yourself to offload or your partner to help him alter the way ge thinks."

I was on the that medication for a year which did help but not to stay on them because not good for your heart over a period of time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Forgot to add I sleep lots too! When I come in from my job, I have to sleep. I can only spend so much time around people too, they wear me out and I need my own time to switch off and chill!

Depression makes you very tired and makes you want to be left alone!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"People who know me are used to my mood changes now. I get less chatty, snappy and just want to be alone and can be very blunt with people.

It's part of the condition and it's how the depression makes me feel.

Don't take it personally although it is hard not to! Just try and be understanding and supportive!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suffer from a bipolar disorder and OCD, and am on a high dose of fluoxetine daily, 60mg. Had to do to counselling for the OCD, but that's really controlled now. My mood however changes. I have moments when I am happy(rare) and then switches suddenly to severe depression where I can't be arsed anymore! The pills make be feel 'dead' inside for the majority of the time and I don't seem to feel emotion anymore except when I'm in a manic state of happiness! Most of the time I feel dead and dip into depression and then back into the dead zone!"

I suffer the same mood swings which fucked my relationships up in the past and doing my best with my current partner.... When manic it's great but become overwhelming to every one else and then boom the black dog returns.... Exercise is my best tool don't like the side effects of pills..

All I want is inner peace..... But my mind over thinks everything .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I found in the past exercise worked wonders, my confidence, my mood, but like everything else led to obsession. exercise, food and diet became my whole world, well up until an injury.

then back to square one, obsessing over things, jelousy and more with my ex partner. Kate is a support worker for a living so I get quite a lot of help, support and advice from her, I can open up to her, what has upset partners in the past I can open upto her and rather than go mental because of my intrusive thoughts or suggestions we can sit down and discuss them.

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By *rivingforceMan over a year ago

yorkshire

I was on fluxotine for some time, my partner at that time was completely useless and would put me down constantly she left me in the end and I was heartbroken, and by that I mean when you miss someone to the point that you feel sick and I would cry a lot of the time it was awefull, I eventually got a better understanding of the medication and just decided to stop taking it because as someone has said it just makes you feel numb and i would still have depressive moments while taking it so just stopped it and decided to go back to collage to focus my mind on something other than my ex and try stop feeling sorry for myself, while I do have bad days still and sometimes don't want to get out of bed infact now and again I won't but I find that much better than taking tablets and taking too much on, nowadays I just see myself as more of a introvert rather that a depressive person yes people drain me and yea I do have some anxiety now and again but learning to take some time for myself and trying not to worry about every little thing does help, I believe been at a pure low point in my life and having a desire to not give up and better myself is what helped me and I look back at my ex now and although I still love her (we can't help who we fall for) I'd go as far as to say it was emotional abuse at the time and couldn't see what was going on due to being depressed and just wanted to please everyone all the time without a second thought

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was on fluxotine for some time, my partner at that time was completely useless and would put me down constantly she left me in the end and I was heartbroken, and by that I mean when you miss someone to the point that you feel sick and I would cry a lot of the time it was awefull, I eventually got a better understanding of the medication and just decided to stop taking it because as someone has said it just makes you feel numb and i would still have depressive moments while taking it so just stopped it and decided to go back to collage to focus my mind on something other than my ex and try stop feeling sorry for myself, while I do have bad days still and sometimes don't want to get out of bed infact now and again I won't but I find that much better than taking tablets and taking too much on, nowadays I just see myself as more of a introvert rather that a depressive person yes people drain me and yea I do have some anxiety now and again but learning to take some time for myself and trying not to worry about every little thing does help, I believe been at a pure low point in my life and having a desire to not give up and better myself is what helped me and I look back at my ex now and although I still love her (we can't help who we fall for) I'd go as far as to say it was emotional abuse at the time and couldn't see what was going on due to being depressed and just wanted to please everyone all the time without a second thought"

I know exactly what you mean, but the citralapalm helps as I get frustrated and very annoyed at myself and everyone around me, I find that with it I'm not that much of a c word and easier to live with kate says, but having an injury with my right side at the minute and struggling to do things for myself doesn't help. but I understand where your coming from and can 100% sympathise.

I took on exercise after a separation with an ex I was totally heartbroken by

I don't think I had any interaction with anyone else except on passing when running for over 5yrs

that's all I wanted to do, until one day I broke my ankle and spent 14mths reading medical books and diet and exercise, just as a distraction, after a 7yr relationship, I found women to be the best distraction ever, especially sleeping with them to get her from under my skin.

then I met kate, who put me on the straight and narrow.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As the supporter you need time away on your own even if its just a walk round the block or undisturbed bubble bath - that or you wont be able to cope. If its when you stop coping that the doubts about rship creep in.

Talk, talk and talk some more not when the visitor is there (our quaint term for depression) but when its not.

Explain why / discuss fact that more quality "you" time is needed when your partner has a depressive episode not because you dont care but because you do and you want to be the best you can for them. Then when depression arrives again and you take yourself out of the situation for an hour, a day etc your partner doesnt feel abandoned they understand you are taking time out for their benefit to help you to support them better when you return.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

My ex did, it was hard to live with. We are now the best of friends and keep in touch regularly. I hope you find the help and support you need.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suffer depression have had my family in tears thretning to wrap car around a tree etc am on tablets 1 at 830 helps me sleep have support off many ppl famliy friends even neighbours

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By *r woodyMan over a year ago

leeds

Depression comes in many forms and has many causes. For some it will something they've airways had and for others it will be something they've developed over the years.

I would say avoid getting treatment from your gp they generally just hand out tablets like smarties. Go to a trained professional. There are many treatments and they can assess which is best. Check your diet there's plenty of food/drink products that cause depression. A study showed that orange juice caused depression in some people for example. for we know there's something we're regularly eating drinking that's causing a problem. Excercise is also good but not for everyone.

There's also a very effective treatment called E.M.D.R which was developed for soldiers with ptsd. Proven to be extremely effective and doesn't involve drugs. E.M.D.R is mostly for traumas tho. Ie abuse/ accidents/ broken home/ witnessed events etc

Also things like diabetes can cause depression get yourselves tested for things like that you might be taking anti depressants for no good reason.

So to sum up. .

1 check your diets and look for triggers

2 try excercise

3 seek help from a professional not a gp.

4 the type of work you do might also be causing misery. Maybe look into retraining and persuing something else

Remember the body is one giant chemical factory anything can knock it off its balance. we're also victims of what we see hear and feel. Hope this has helped some of you and here's to finding out what makes us unhappy and cutting it out of our lives and finding happiness

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By *lttattoocoupleCouple over a year ago

Worcester

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

I get it and know how you feel, my partner has depression and find it hard to have support for me

Him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

"
Depression is an illness not a state of mind. My brother was diagnosed as clinically depressed 7 years ago and attempted suicide twice.He is a lot better now, but still has bad periods.I found he became very selfish during his low times, which used to make me really angry as the whole families life was being disrupted yet he did not seem to care(although we knew the reason for this). Depression can be as hard fo the families and friends of the sufferer as much as the sufferer themselves.

You just have to try and understand depression realise it is an illness and enjoy the high times when they come rather than dwell on the low times...

Xxxxxxx

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By *ifferent69Man over a year ago

BRIGHTON, UK

Depression,s tough whether your a sufferer or close to someone who is.

Often the later is ignored, or they feel reluctant to seek help. Perhaps fearing the affect it will have on affected one.

Its natural to dip low from time anyway a constant state of hapiness is unatural.

Gp first point of call.... be honest, and candid. If first visit does nothing and you feel your being taken seriously DON,T be put off go back again and be perssistant.

Just because injury is not seen or symptoms appear trivial, does,nt mean theres not a potential to get worse.

You are just as important as the sufferer...

Good luck

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By *ary_ArgyllMan over a year ago

Argyll

"Depression comes in many forms and has many causes. For some it will something they've airways had and for others it will be something they've developed over the years.

Also things like diabetes can cause depression get yourselves tested for things like that you might be taking anti depressants for no good reason.

So to sum up. .

1 check your diets and look for triggers

2 try excercise

3 seek help from a professional not a gp.

4 the type of work you do might also be causing misery. Maybe look into retraining and persuing something else

I would suggest the GP as first point of call because they can recommend suitable professional help - although I agree they often prescribe anti-depressants as first option although increasingly CBT or other therapy first - also for other readers would be useful if you could indicate how to find bona fide professionals - should they look for certain qualifications/affiliations - there are quite a lot of not so professional councellors etc out there because the non-professional aspects are not particularly well regulated.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think many of the answers to this thread highlight the problem the op has, they are looking for support and advice as someone living with a depressed person and is getting lots of responses about how to deal with depression as a sufferer. In my experience this isolates the person living with the sufferer even further because even when they ask for help for themselves the advice given is on how to help the other person.

Depression is a tough road for those with it and those living with them

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By *r woodyMan over a year ago

leeds

"I would suggest the GP as first point of call because they can recommend suitable professional help - although I agree they often prescribe anti-depressants as first option although increasingly CBT or other therapy first - also for other readers would be useful if you could indicate how to find bona fide professionals - should they look for certain qualifications/affiliations - there are quite a lot of not so professional councellors etc out there because the non-professional aspects are not particularly well regulated."

By professional I mean someone trained in dealing with depression. I agree going to a gp might help in steering a person towards someone qualified But as I said gp's generally reach for the prescription pad although you do get some gp's that will steer you in the right direction. there are clinics that have an array of professionals that have staff on hand that are trained in different areas. Ie they have councillors therapists and psychologists. These clinics are not soley for people with depression they also help partners that live with people that have depression. you'll have to use your own judgement tho. . There are alot of charlatans and time wasters out there that either have no clue or are just after your money. just use your common sense and if you get a bad vibe walk away and seek someone else.

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By *bsinthe_boyMan over a year ago

Luton

My wife has battled clinical depression for a few years. The most useful thing I can do is to be there, be supportive during the times when the cloud descends. Not necessarily try to solve her problems (difficult as that is what comes naturally to me) but just listen and offer comfort.....understand its not her fault or choice to be depressed and that she can't snap out of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a crisis hotline number for Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) ours is in huddersfield where i live

Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) Tel: 01484 434625

Crisis Team

Tel: 01924 284555

maybe they can put you into contact with someone in your area, even the opportunity to offload some of your worries upon.

Failing that i'm always here to offer a non judgmental ear to chew. i might not be a good talker, but i'm a good listener

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

I was diagnosed with depression 18 months ago......

I woukd say looking at my life I have probbaly always suffered but it was good to find that it was finally diagnosed......

There were times where I would go in to a shell to when I would be times I would be life and soul.....it was just so irregular it was hard to know I would react (friends have since told me)

For me I was on fluoxetine...which helped but I have found a change of role at work, gym, and trying to get out and speak to people has helped......

Luckily I knowsomeone from school that worked with a mental illness charity so was able to reach out to her for advice but I was a lucky one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i've had Diazepalm, Pothiodine, dothiopaine, Valium, librum, Merelin, trezidone present: Citralapalm Another i cant remember because i was only on it a short period as it made me extremely anxious and confused.

presently i'm suffering from pain all down my right arm, along with citralapalm i have to take Becoflen, oxycodine, Gbapentine.

Immodium to control my bowel function, Thankfully i can now have control of my bladder as January last year i lost total control of my bowels and bladder, 2 possible epileptic fits or seizures in the last 2 months. still under going investigation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can't put yourself down like that because your partner has depression. I'm sure he thinks you are the most beautiful woman ever and that he loves you very much. It is just very hard to allow people to see that you have so much love for them when you feel like your body is taken over with so much hatred. I don't expect you to have gotten over him suffering with depression because anyone close to someone suffering suffers too. It could be helpful to research any support groups in your area for relatives of people suffering and see if there's anything that could help. And you're doing a very worthy thing by standing by him as many people leave.

Good luck to you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can't put yourself down like that because your partner has depression. I'm sure he thinks you are the most beautiful woman ever and that he loves you very much. It is just very hard to allow people to see that you have so much love for them when you feel like your body is taken over with so much hatred. I don't expect you to have gotten over him suffering with depression because anyone close to someone suffering suffers too. It could be helpful to research any support groups in your area for relatives of people suffering and see if there's anything that could help. And you're doing a very worthy thing by standing by him as many people leave.

Good luck to you x"

I found cognetive behavioural theropy worked, i used to be very insecure, scared all the time my partner was going to leave me, trust issues alsort, cost me a 7 year relationship with my sons mother, Kate got me the help and support i needed IAPT talking theropy first, helped with the grieving of my son, cbt for my intrusive thoughts and insecuritys.. the hardest part is sitting yourself down as a depressive and asking yourself questions, of the problem, then listing why your problem, would, wouldn't (mine reason she'd stay, reasons she'd leave) then when ever i have my intrusive thoughts i have to list and the outcome makes me feel better... especially when i find there is little or no evidence to my beliefs or suspiscions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

had a full on breakdown after my divorce and suffered with occasional deperessions since - i know this affects people around me but without them i wouldnt handle it as well - my kids have made me realise some behaviour patterns when its creeping up on me and i can do something about it - and hes always listening to me (always takes my mind off it

)- my job is with mental health and i can empathise with the patients that are suffering and they open up more - this latest campaign about starting the conversation is- a good one i think

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a suffer of the dog , i have only 1 suggestion

keep of the booze

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sit on his face and fart he'll soon snap out of it

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

I suffered from severe depression for the last 4-5 years after a man tried to kill me in 2008

Up until easter this year I was in a nursing home with no hope of ever living an independent life again

The electric shock therapy left me with severe short term memory loss

I'm now free from the blackness in my life as I've reconditioned my brain to not accept the fear

I achieved this by writing poetry and helping to council others with the illness

I'm medication and therapy free for 12 months on April 12th

My advice for what it's worth for finding your coping mechanisms for you would be to talk to you're partners CPN.

Contact Mind and other such charities and request support.

And try to encourage you're other half to try writing down a diary of his thoughts

It can help

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suffered from severe depression for the last 4-5 years after a man tried to kill me in 2008

Up until easter this year I was in a nursing home with no hope of ever living an independent life again

The electric shock therapy left me with severe short term memory loss

I'm now free from the blackness in my life as I've reconditioned my brain to not accept the fear

I achieved this by writing poetry and helping to council others with the illness

I'm medication and therapy free for 12 months on April 12th

My advice for what it's worth for finding your coping mechanisms for you would be to talk to you're partners CPN.

Contact Mind and other such charities and request support.

And try to encourage you're other half to try writing down a diary of his thoughts

It can help

Well done the guy that made you feel the way you have done is not a man but animal

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

Tenbury Wells

"I suffered from severe depression for the last 4-5 years after a man tried to kill me in 2008

Up until easter this year I was in a nursing home with no hope of ever living an independent life again

The electric shock therapy left me with severe short term memory loss

I'm now free from the blackness in my life as I've reconditioned my brain to not accept the fear

I achieved this by writing poetry and helping to council others with the illness

I'm medication and therapy free for 12 months on April 12th

My advice for what it's worth for finding your coping mechanisms for you would be to talk to you're partners CPN.

Contact Mind and other such charities and request support.

And try to encourage you're other half to try writing down a diary of his thoughts

It can help

Well done the guy that made you feel the way you have done is not a man but animal

Well you say that and in many ways, in the past I would have agreed but my poem allowed me to accept that I can never change what happened and learn to live with it

So I wrote this

Acceptance...

How do you kill someone today

Is a phrase I often say

Remembering that fateful day

When you took all my options away

A drug ADICT with little choice

You took away my thoughts my voice

Seven years hidden from view

Away from friends and family to

Then suddenly the clouds did clear

My brain began to reappear

Revenge was never on my mind

Perhaps I was just being kind..

Or maybe I just can't be arsed

My life's MY future NOT your past..

It truelly healed my broken heart ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i often recite the following poem in my head.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

its when i didn't in the past that I've had the tendency to over medicate myself 'amatryptaline and epileptic fit and seizure . just don't use anything that describes self harm or suicide, if you happen to phone the Samaritans or mind as theirs nothing worse than having an ambulance accompanied with the police at your front door, coming to take you away for your own protection, unless that's what you really want!!!

Nothing worse than pain, feeling helpless or a burden to others.

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By *ifferent69Man over a year ago

BRIGHTON, UK

"I think many of the answers to this thread highlight the problem the op has, they are looking for support and advice as someone living with a depressed person and is getting lots of responses about how to deal with depression as a sufferer. In my experience this isolates the person living with the sufferer even further because even when they ask for help for themselves the advice given is on how to help the other person.

Depression is a tough road for those with it and those living with them

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By *rSinfulMan over a year ago

mysteryville

It's a battle between your emotional self and your logical self. I have been with a partner in this sort of situation. You know your a good couple you know they love you and more importantly you know you love them and all the good times.

We all have bad patches in our life and it's part and parcel of relationships that work. Coming through the hard times together can take a massive toal on you as it has me but it can make you stronger even off you loose your confidence. I know the thoughts from the emotional side "does she love me" "am I good enough" "maybe I'm ugly" and then this in turn can turn into you thinking bad things about yourself.

This is why we in this situation looking after a loved one with this need to try to focuse our logical mind to a state of "rational detachment" you would not expect a person with a broken leg to take you for a romantic walk so depression is an illness effecting the souls interaction with the brain and this makes them struggle with their own being and is a similar battle betwean their lodgical mind and their emotional mind which has become damaged. If you can focus on the fact that it's not you and they are Sick you can get through it and who knows it may not last forever and it could even be yourself in the future that needs support and they might be the only one who understands. It's a hard life but do your best to focus on yourself too with hobbies etc I found that has helped me keep distracted but I am not saying it's easy on anyone but it is certainly no ones fault and if you love someone they are worth it.

I hope this makes some sort of sense and helps. I am not always the best at conveying in words what I want to say as I am a very emotional person.

But the rational detachment thing is something I use in my work at a care home. If someone who's mentally ill has a go at me for no reason and swears I don't get offended I just stay calm and it don't bother me at all I just think ah they are not well today and the leave them be to calm. But other staff get it wrong and take it personally and they do not get the idea of what mental illness is. Really trying hard to think of how life is for them is the best way to understand and help. I have been down myself a lot too in the past so I can understand this problem from both sides. Can I just add for anyone suffering fatigue or depression I can highly recommend taking tescos 100mg coenzyme Q-10 it has made a massive improvement on my health and it's just amazing stuff.

Good luck and all the best Rob

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By *lactontogMan over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

Being Bi Polar myself i can understand how hard it is as i can be a pain in the arse when at rock bottom, it might be advisable to have a break from swinging while he is low as i myself know when my heads fucked up swinging is the last thing on my mind.

The doctor will be able to put you in touch with more suitable groups to help you understand him his condition and treatment.

I do wish you all the best as depression is an horrible illness and suffering from it myself since a young child i know your dilemma x.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

as i listed Iapt (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) its mainly the gps first port of call, as a carer you can get support "talkiing theropy) from the councillors the service provides, they do talking theropy, its nice to be able to offload your worries onto someone help, they can help you see your situation from another angle, also being able to give you a number of solutions you yourself had not thought up or considered.

I find that vitamin B compound strong works, i used to take it when i was refusing to take any medication, but my present state of health its not enough to help me combat the frustration i am experiencing on a day to day basis.

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By *orkieLassCouple over a year ago

York

Bi polar type 2 here. Trying to wean myself off quetiapine. For me, it's a horrible drug. Just hoping I don't end up in another major depressive episode once it's out of my system. See you on the flip side

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Must be difficult

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

what a good description .. my tablets seem to be affecting my emotions ... nothing matters to me .... not good

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my wife bi-polar,fkn hard, but gets better if you GP any good and contacts right people to start treatment

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By *lactontogMan over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

what a good description .. my tablets seem to be affecting my emotions ... nothing matters to me .... not good"

Your body gets used to the medication this is why people have stronger doses, tell your doctor about your emotions etc & they will probably change your meds...talk to friends, family etc when you start to slip.

Seratonin levels adjust all the time & its these that have to stay level, a slip can cause personality disorders which is why we can be low or bouncing off the ceiling.

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By *adyGardenWoman over a year ago

LONDON (se)

Depression comes in so many forms and I have suffered for as long as I can remember. Was diagnosed with depression at 17.

Some like mine can't be cured but it has taken me years to understand myself, my triggers that make it worse and learn to live with it. I'm on a low at the moment but just knowing someone loves you and is just there for you helps even if you Don't feel it does.

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By *lactontogMan over a year ago

Clacton on Sea

"Depression comes in so many forms and I have suffered for as long as I can remember. Was diagnosed with depression at 17.

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By *hundercats69Couple over a year ago

CT14

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

I get it and know how you feel, my partner has depression and find it hard to have support for me

Him"

Thanks for all the replies. I am ploughing through them.

I'm not looking for sympathy or things to help him as such as he is on meds etc although i will look more into food/drink/alternative therapies etc that have been suggested so thank you.

We do talk lots, about everything and no as my profile states i am not on here without his knowledge!!

All i really wondered was if others find themselves in similar situations being the PARTNER of someone dealing with depression. I just feel there is a distinct lack of support available?

Also, can anyone tell me if i suspected there was a possibility of him being bi-polar, is there a huge difference in the types of meds prescribed?

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By *hundercats69Couple over a year ago

CT14

And yes i ambthe OP i just replied on the wrong flippin profile!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bi polar type 2 here. Trying to wean myself off quetiapine. For me, it's a horrible drug. Just hoping I don't end up in another major depressive episode once it's out of my system. See you on the flip side

dont try alone ? - do it alongside your gp/cpn

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Both gav and myself have suffered with it on and off throughout the years, thanks to a lot of personal problems and abusive exs.

It's not easy, but it does get better, and even more so when you're with somebody that understands and talks things over with you. We bounce off each other in the best sort of way. The downside is that it can only take little things to make us feel like we did "back then".

But be strong for each other, always be honest and open, and try and relax. Make issues go away by making them front and Center! Learn to laugh and not take life so seriously! For example I'm going through a bad patch feeli fat, but we laugh about it, we joke, and gav tells me that it's all just me being silly. Likewise for him, but with his length.

Sadly, all this was done by people we let into our lives when we shouldn't have done. But it's us now making things right and proper. Just be there for each other and love each other and you can get through anything

There is always help available as well, and I'll be honest, I've used it. Just don't give up hope! C c

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By *amesfun33Man over a year ago

ask

"Does anyone else have a partner that suffers with depression? How do you find support for yourself? Does it bring you 'down' too?

Would be grateful of support from others that 'get it'!

I have hide and battled depression for 20years only now getting help and from the inside looking out yes he does love you and he will still find attractive but will find it hard to say and the tiredness will pass but it so much hard work staying up beat when ur bony just want to die (it you his loved one he will keep going for) hope this helps

Ps my now ex partner was bi poler so iv been on both sides of the fence so to speak if u ever want to chat I can get it

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By *ittlebitWoman over a year ago

Plymouth

Hmm reluctantly raises hand.... Long term bi- polar haver here

I'm not going to say sufferer as I'm in a good place right now and have it under control as much I can, plus its part of who I am.

Anyways in reply to your question....is he an outward or an inward depressive? They can be quite different and both challenging in their own ways.

Your doctors might provide a healthcare check for carers. Even if you don't think of yourself as one, you may qualify and they should give you all the support and info you need, just ask at the reception, they should be able to tell you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had an ex suffer with depression. It was the illness that broke us up. I didn't realise for a long time what it was unfortunately. As a result, I had no coping mechanisms in place to help me deal with it. Have you checked MIND out? "

Exactly this.. Only my ex became violent and controlling. Loved the guy to bits but love wasn't enough to make me stay. I owed it to myself to walk so I could maintain my dignity and self respect.

Depression is a silent killer if not dealt with, I know first hand. Mind are fantastic as are cruise if it's grief related.

Depression sadly in most cases has a massive impact on all that surround it. Never ever doubt yourself because of someone else's actions or words. In some cases even the person living with a depressed loved one needs a little help too.

Hope that all works out for you both and that you get the help and support you seek.

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