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Agony Hel's help page...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My neighbour has some pampass grass in her back garden. Does this make it OK to invite her around for a swinging session? And what do we do about her 35 stone ex-prisoner husband. It is a bit of a dilemna. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I can help with this one.
The grass is a sure give away.
Your need to by a large box of donuts and leave then chained to the garden fence, this will keep said husband happy for hours, A trying to unchain the Donuts and B eating the donuts. |
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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago
bristol |
"My neighbour has some pampass grass in her back garden. Does this make it OK to invite her around for a swinging session? And what do we do about her 35 stone ex-prisoner husband. It is a bit of a dilemna."
Well from your ages I can guess that you began your swinging in the late 70's early 80's.
Things have somewhat progressed since then and I would not assume that the signs you are use to are quite relevant today. So maybe you should just ask them.
With regards to the husband, who knows, prison is about reform and rehabilitation so he may actually have changed his path in life and you should at least give the guy a second chance in life and not right him off.
thanks x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My neighbour has some pampass grass in her back garden. Does this make it OK to invite her around for a swinging session? And what do we do about her 35 stone ex-prisoner husband. It is a bit of a dilemna.
Well from your ages I can guess that you began your swinging in the late 70's early 80's.
Things have somewhat progressed since then and I would not assume that the signs you are use to are quite relevant today. So maybe you should just ask them.
With regards to the husband, who knows, prison is about reform and rehabilitation so he may actually have changed his path in life and you should at least give the guy a second chance in life and not right him off.
thanks x"
Cheeky. We are not past it yet. Think we may ignore the helpful advice on the basis that the neighbours have just bought a Rottweiler called "Snarler." Its not that we don't like dogs but the postman lost his fingers posting them a letter yesterday. Oh, any advice on reattaching severed fingers? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"maybe a private hospital as by the time you get into an nhs one they would have tuned rotten x"
On a completely separate note, any idea how to extract a postman's fingers from inside a Rottweiler's stomach? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.
Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.
Like Hants smiles I thought this was a fun cheeky not serious thread, as in thought this would be kind of fun!
Bows head and walks off
xx"
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I should think the OP can offer help and do it with a smile. I know there's that old maxim that your smiles are reflected in the faces of people you meet. It even works in the supermarket checkouts (and no not the self service ones where they tell you your bag has an unexpected area or something like that.
I wonder if anyone has PM'd her...obviously she shouldn't say |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have two current lady "friends". Both are local and on fab.
One is single and I spend many Saturday/Sunday weekends with her in her caravan. She says she does not want a relationship but has asked if I will marry her in 7 years if she is still single by 50.
The other is married...but in a fairly sexless marriage. She comes to see me most Friday's.
They both know each other and about each other. They both say they are fine with things but do tend to make catty comments to me about the other.
2 questions.....
do you think there is jealousy there and if so do I do anything about it?
I don't get much time to see other people...unless I have a party which inevitably means letting one or both of them down. How do I balance things? |
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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago
bristol |
"I have two current lady "friends". Both are local and on fab.
One is single and I spend many Saturday/Sunday weekends with her in her caravan. She says she does not want a relationship but has asked if I will marry her in 7 years if she is still single by 50.
The other is married...but in a fairly sexless marriage. She comes to see me most Friday's.
They both know each other and about each other. They both say they are fine with things but do tend to make catty comments to me about the other.
2 questions.....
do you think there is jealousy there and if so do I do anything about it?
I don't get much time to see other people...unless I have a party which inevitably means letting one or both of them down. How do I balance things?"
many people enter agreements with friend to marry if at a certain age they do not find the one!
I do not see that this kind of agreement will cause any issue for either of you as during the time of friendship the trust and fondness for each other will have grown. it will be formalising an already successful relationship.
the catty comments I assume are made to you by the ladies about the other lady whilst with you.
laddies are a little bit funny, they will often claim they are very happy when indeed they are not.
I am sure they will have some resentment against each other, for me this maybe is a sense of insecurity that they have with themselves.
you may want to meet them both together and explain that you are happy with the relationship with both of them.
explain that you do as mush as you can to give them equal amount of your time and commitment.
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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago
bristol |
I do find it strange that people are willing to post in topics that they clearly have no interest in adding to the conversation or use it purely as a way to make someone feel belittled.
please if you cannot respect thoughts of others please leave the topic.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well as confident as you seem to be im sure you have no problem.
have fun xx"
Thank you. 
Rachael wiggles and gives a sultry pout over her shoulder as she exits forum  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks for your answer Hel....and for not being judgemental. The sex with both of them is great....so I would like to keep both going for as long as possible.
And to fit a bit of new fun in between lol! If you reckon that's OK? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.
Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.
xx"
I've got a permanent hard on since I've peeved your pics, advice please (be kind) |
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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago
bristol |
hi
well I am very glad that my pics have helped make you hard.
I would advise not looking at them but then how would you get your relief..... so feel free to keep on perving on me and feel free to wank away.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi we are going to a seriously sexy party at the weekend which will be couples and singles including some unicorns! Our question would be what sort of things would you recommend to get the party "started"? |
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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago
bristol |
Hi
Having had a look at your profile and pictures I am sure the party will go well.
With regards to the Unicorns you must make them feel at ease. it can be quite hard attending an event as a single bi female and they will be worried that the wives will be a little protective of the man.
as with most social events you will need an ice breaker, this may work for you.
THE BIG GAME OF SEDUCTION
Have the men blindfold sitted (or laid down on a mattress if you can) in a row
The ladies are numbered 1-2-3...etc etc
Starting with the first male, lady #1 has a minute to kiss, caress, breast-feed, lick, blowin his neck or ear, etc (nothing going on below the belt).
when time's over, she moves to the next guy as lady #2 takes over the first guy. When all have perform their seduction thing, the men have to vote. Same for the opposite sex.
Winner gets ether a full body massage or a slow dance with two of the participant of his/her choice.
this should be fun and make everyone relaxed.
what happens next is up to thiose involved.
have fun
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi
Having had a look at your profile and pictures I am sure the party will go well.
With regards to the Unicorns you must make them feel at ease. it can be quite hard attending an event as a single bi female and they will be worried that the wives will be a little protective of the man.
as with most social events you will need an ice breaker, this may work for you.
THE BIG GAME OF SEDUCTION
Have the men blindfold sitted (or laid down on a mattress if you can) in a row
The ladies are numbered 1-2-3...etc etc
Starting with the first male, lady #1 has a minute to kiss, caress, breast-feed, lick, blowin his neck or ear, etc (nothing going on below the belt).
when time's over, she moves to the next guy as lady #2 takes over the first guy. When all have perform their seduction thing, the men have to vote. Same for the opposite sex.
Winner gets ether a full body massage or a slow dance with two of the participant of his/her choice.
this should be fun and make everyone relaxed.
what happens next is up to thiose involved.
have fun
xx"
Many thanks.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Aunty Hels,
The majority of the time I play nicely in the forums, a little cheeky banter, a few words of wisdom, even offering my services for charity.
Every now and again I find myself letting loose with an incendiary thread that is normally brought on as a protest against the actions of others on the site.
I don't post hastily, I take my time to phrase the thread.
Any advice on how I can learn to play nicely and become more tolerant?
Yours
A deflated Marmite |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.
Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.
Stockings and suspenders, panties over or under the suspenders ?
Is it personal choice, whats best ?
xxxc
for serious problems wow do I have a few but thats not a one liner
xx"
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By *ornyHels OP Woman
over a year ago
bristol |
"Thought this may be kind a fun where I offer my advice to anyone in need.
Any subject covered and feel free to message me if you want o keep it private.
Stockings and suspenders, panties over or under the suspenders ?
Is it personal choice, whats best ?
xxxc
for serious problems wow do I have a few but thats not a one liner
xx"
a TV friend of mine told me panties under as it helps keep everything in place..
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I can help with this one.
The grass is a sure give away.
Your need to by a large box of donuts and leave then chained to the garden fence, this will keep said husband happy for hours, A trying to unchain the Donuts and B eating the donuts."
wow, thread jacker  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi Helen
Me and the wife have been married for 29 years and want to enter the swinging scene . We are both virgins and have never been naked in front of each other. Would this be a good idea for us as we have heard there is a lot of pervs out there plus we don't want to be in the tabloyds . Wait with anticipation for your reply .
XXXX
Ps should I plant some pompass grass so swingers know we are interested  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi Helen,
I have a terrible itch that really needs scratching. I've been to my GP but she says she can't help as she'll be struck-off for touching me inappropriately.
Please help!
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My neighbour has some pampass grass in her back garden. Does this make it OK to invite her around for a swinging session? And what do we do about her 35 stone ex-prisoner husband. It is a bit of a dilemna."
If it's in the back garden it normally means enter from the rear |
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