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An etiquette question: socials and being blocked
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Earlier this year I started going to a regular social, the only one in the area. As far as I was aware things were going fine, but a couple of months ago one of the regulars blocked me. I haven't been back since. It's usually a fairly small group, 10-12 people, so it's effectively impossible to avoid someone and I don't feel that I can be there under those circumstances - everything I've seen since joining Fab says you shouldn't do anything that'll bring you into contact with people who block you.
Am I over-reacting, or am I right to stay away? I've no idea why I was blocked; it happened right around the time odd a social at which she and I barely spoke, so I can't think of anything I did that would have caused it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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might have blocked you in error for one thing and that then is a massive shame - i would at least go back once more and ask them why - and youre missing out on a social evening with the other people there - which is more of a shame |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"might have blocked you in error for one thing and that then is a massive shame - i would at least go back once more and ask them why - and youre missing out on a social evening with the other people there - which is more of a shame "
I think it would cause some awkwardness if you asked them why. But there is no reason not to return to the social. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Earlier this year I started going to a regular social, the only one in the area. As far as I was aware things were going fine, but a couple of months ago one of the regulars blocked me. I haven't been back since. It's usually a fairly small group, 10-12 people, so it's effectively impossible to avoid someone and I don't feel that I can be there under those circumstances - everything I've seen since joining Fab says you shouldn't do anything that'll bring you into contact with people who block you.
Am I over-reacting, or am I right to stay away? I've no idea why I was blocked; it happened right around the time odd a social at which she and I barely spoke, so I can't think of anything I did that would have caused it. "
If I only ever visited places that everybody liked me, I'd never leave the house.
What one person feels is just that, not every body would feel the same, unless they have all blocked you lol
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By *ipsTeaserCouple
over a year ago
here and there, thereabouts |
Only my two pennies worth.
But have heard it said on here that some people use the block as an additional filter and perhaps for whatever reason you weren't to their type so blocked to avoid messaging crossovers further down the line.
I dont think that Means you should avoid the social. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think it would cause some awkwardness if you asked them why. But there is no reason not to return to the social."
Dead right, and bear in mind that one couple doesnt speak for the whole group- You have as much right to carry on attending as anyone else.
Keep going and enjoying. |
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It's not ignorant to block someone. Peoples' profiles are their own to administer as they wish.
We block loads of people purely on the basis that we wouldn't want to have sex with them. It makes no statement whatsoever as to whether we like, or would like them as people or not, were we to meet them, or have met them, in a social context. |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
If they have blocked you, I would still go along to the social but not make them feel awkward or anything.
Just go along and enjoy everyone else's company. Its an open social. I would only avoid it if they were the hosts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would not avoid a place where I could meet people purely due to someone else's ignorance.
Go and enjoy yourself.."
I don't think I'd call her ignorant. It's entirely possible I did something to offend her and didn't realise it (that's happened before, I'm an idiot). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If they have blocked you, I would still go along to the social but not make them feel awkward or anything.
Just go along and enjoy everyone else's company. Its an open social. I would only avoid it if they were the hosts."
You've nailed two separate problems there:
1) As I said, it's a small group, usually sitting around a single table in a pub. If someone doesn't want me there, I think awkwardness is inevitable.
2) I'm not sure if she'd be called the host, but she's always been one of two or the publicising the socials and is a very good friend of the main organiser. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Blocking could be a way of saying "No Thanks"
As for the social why should it st op you from going and having fun.
Many big socials i go to and some people who go i dont get on with or cant stand, yet i am polite and they are and we just carry on with our night
no rows or bickering |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
I've been in a situation like this. Mutual blocking of someone on here but both invited to a mutual friend's vanilla party.
My fiancé and I decided to go to the party anyway, despite her being there. The conditions were that if she did anything to upset or annoy me we would leave and come straight home. We were both adult enough to say hello and be civil to each other, we're able to mix and socialise with friends without any drama or incident. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can't guess why or if they intended to block you, I'd go along - if it's fun great, if not, then try another or go to a club and socialise I'd suggest  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op,why should you avoid going to a social just because they blocked you.let them avoid going,you have as much right attending a social as they have."
It's the way I was brought up. If we both go it could make things unpleasant for her, she's got a lot of friends there who'll miss her if she doesn't go, and I don't. Therefore, I should be the one to stay away.
It's the same mindset that says that if people are already having a conversation, you shouldn't interrupt, even to say hello - it's unforgivably rude. Which is why I can spend a whole night in a club and not say a word to anyone.
Yes, I'm weird. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bloody hell if I avoided socials that had people that I had blocked/had blocked me I wouldn't go to any! I'd go. No rule to say you have to avoid socials. |
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I attended one of the Sussex Socials and got chatting to a couple, introduced myself as my fab name and they said 'you blocked us'. I had the courtesy to blush, then laughed and immediately unblocked them. I have no idea why an can only think cos I use an iPhone, my fumble fingers blocked them. There have also been a couple who also defriended me but are great fun to chat to in person. So I'd go to your social if I were you block or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maybe she felt you were being a bit ignorant by not talking to many people? It's hard when you are new to a group so she should have at least made allowances for that. Have another go, just relax and try and have a laugh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Earlier this year I started going to a regular social, the only one in the area. As far as I was aware things were going fine, but a couple of months ago one of the regulars blocked me. I haven't been back since. It's usually a fairly small group, 10-12 people, so it's effectively impossible to avoid someone and I don't feel that I can be there under those circumstances - everything I've seen since joining Fab says you shouldn't do anything that'll bring you into contact with people who block you.
Am I over-reacting, or am I right to stay away? I've no idea why I was blocked; it happened right around the time odd a social at which she and I barely spoke, so I can't think of anything I did that would have caused it.
If I only ever visited places that everybody liked me, I'd never leave the house.
What one person feels is just that, not every body would feel the same, unless they have all blocked you lol
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"might have blocked you in error for one thing and that then is a massive shame - i would at least go back once more and ask them why - and youre missing out on a social evening with the other people there - which is more of a shame
I think it would cause some awkwardness if you asked them why. But there is no reason not to return to the social."
I agree if you are on the same company as her at the social just be yourself.
If later you both click socially and you have developed a rapport and your are still desperate to know, you could maybe say Something along the lines of "I noticed you blocked me. Did I do something to upset you. Sorry if I did."
But then I have been known to put my foot in it from time to time. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Blocking is a means to prevent contact via the site - nothing more!
In a 'social' environment there's no obligation to speak to anyone - so there should be no issue about attending.
I don't really see the issue.
A |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Blocking is a means to prevent contact via the site - nothing more!
In a 'social' environment there's no obligation to speak to anyone - so there should be no issue about attending.
I don't really see the issue.
A"
I have a very highly developed (perhaps over-developed) sense of when I'm not wanted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bloody hell if I avoided socials that had people that I had blocked/had blocked me I wouldn't go to any! I'd go. No rule to say you have to avoid socials."
Absolutely...we've even been to parties and joked with people about them being on our block list...they remain there but we've been social to them with no awkwardness...it's just a way of cutting down on the traffic from people we're unlikely to want to play with or meet outside of the social situation... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would not avoid a place where I could meet people purely due to someone else's ignorance.
Go and enjoy yourself.."
Lets just say someone go to a club like chams on a club night, a mix of normal member and be loads there how could you tell if on fab and blocked some do it as they can and no reasons at all ....... I say just go and have fun don't worry about it .. as a block cant stop you going . If there is a person I just don't get on with I just would not mix at all with them not even a hello. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We block people for reasons as seeming trivial as not liking their pictures or being annoyed by their statuses in local updates. Doesn't mean we would not speak in a social setting
If you are that bothered contact the organiser and ask that they are cool with you attending. If it's as big a deal as you feel I suspect you'd have already been asked to stay away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Earlier this year I started going to a regular social, the only one in the area. As far as I was aware things were going fine, but a couple of months ago one of the regulars blocked me. I haven't been back since. It's usually a fairly small group, 10-12 people, so it's effectively impossible to avoid someone and I don't feel that I can be there under those circumstances - everything I've seen since joining Fab says you shouldn't do anything that'll bring you into contact with people who block you.
Am I over-reacting, or am I right to stay away? I've no idea why I was blocked; it happened right around the time odd a social at which she and I barely spoke, so I can't think of anything I did that would have caused it. "
Simple terms. Man up grow a pair and go back to the socials. It may be a mistake or even just a couple who put a block on those that are not for them and it saves them going through the profiles again. If you like and admin filter. I would never encourage asking why. Just leave it and if you see them smile say hello.
It's hard enough to find good meets don't sift yourself! |
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Or turn up early and try and have a quiet word with her. Keep smiling and just ask her why?
You could also just take the temperature of the others by messsging them.
If its a group thing then you will get the feeling quite quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't understand why you're taking this so personally. Maybe she just doesn't want to play with you? I regularly get blocked by people with whom I'm not compatible, no big deal.
But as others have said, there are many people there who haven't blocked you. If I was you I wouldn't stop going. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP just maybe they could be a very clicky and best to stay away ... You get a lot of this in swinging people get in there group and will only be around there mates and there mates friends .. I say don't beg to fit in as your better then that move on to new better places where you will fit in .. Why worry . Its all about fun having a nice time not this. For some I feel its just one big power trip and love to single out people. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so the gist is in reading more into this than necessary . Thanks for the new perspective, everyone. "
Yes So stop worrying its just not worth it. xxx x |
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"I would not avoid a place where I could meet people purely due to someone else's ignorance.
Go and enjoy yourself.."
Why is it ignorance? 
The op could have slurrped his drink, wore a football shirt, looked like an ex, not be someone she'd want to shag: any number of reasons.
Using the site tools doesn't make one ignorant! |
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"It's not ignorant to block someone. Peoples' profiles are their own to administer as they wish.
We block loads of people purely on the basis that we wouldn't want to have sex with them. It makes no statement whatsoever as to whether we like, or would like them as people or not, were we to meet them, or have met them, in a social context."
My point exactly! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes So stop worrying its just not worth it. xxx x
But.... but... I'm REALLY good at worrying "
Stop it .. worrying ages people and smiling take years off people . lol So you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or turn up early and try and have a quiet word with her. Keep smiling and just ask her why?
You could also just take the temperature of the others by messsging them.
If its a group thing then you will get the feeling quite quickly."
Why ask? If she wanted him to know, she would have told him. Asking her why comes across as desperate and needy. It may also come across as confrontational and if she feels uncomfortable you may find yourself in a worse position after. Don't talk about it. Be polite to her if she approaches you. Don't raise the topic of blocking.
crystal |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op would you feel the same way if it had been a man that had blocked you?"
Yes, though I'd be far less likely to be aware I'd been blocked as I rarely look at male profiles. I only know this person blocked me because I went to check her profile for details of a follow-up event the next day.
In answer to points other people have raised, I'm not taking it personally; if I did that I'd have fled the site years ago, given the number of times I've been blocked. I know that different people use the block list in different ways; for some it's another filter, for others it's 'if I ever see your face again I'll throw something at it! '.
It's that ambiguity that had me unsure of what wasn the right thing to do. Running into someone at a club or party is one thing; deliberately choosing to go to somewhere you'll almost certainly encounter them in a confined group is something else, or it seemed that way to me. Given that I didn't know the reasons behind it, I felt that I should err on the side of discretion. The consensus is that I was wrong about that, and I'm grateful for the advice I've received. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I should have stuck with my original answer. The latest social is tonight, so I emailed the organiser asking if I could come. The email's been read, but no response. I guess I wasn't welcome after all.
Oh well. I shall now be spending my evening with a DVD and a pack of Twiglets. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well at least you know..."
Yes, I've something to make myself unwanted there, but I've no idea what it was so I can't correct it or prevent myself doing it again elsewhere. That's not much of a silver lining. More like silver-plated, that's rubbing off in patches. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes So stop worrying its just not worth it. xxx x
But.... but... I'm REALLY good at worrying Stop it .. worrying ages people and smiling take years off people . lol So you. "
I shall give it a go, though after this weekend I'm not feeling the smiling vibe much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes So stop worrying its just not worth it. xxx x
But.... but... I'm REALLY good at worrying Stop it .. worrying ages people and smiling take years off people . lol So you.
I shall give it a go, though after this weekend I'm not feeling the smiling vibe much. "
Find a new group to play with ..... and move on and smile. xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right now I'd settle for a group to talk to, which is all I was really looking for from that social group. Anything more than that was a bonus, but it seems even a conversation is more than I can manage.
I know it's tough for a single man to make any sort of impact, but it's getting difficult to just smile through it, and the air of negativity that seems to be clinging to me isn't going to make me any more appealing. |
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