FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > feedback
feedback
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"It was very early. I've checked now and corrected my mistakes. Tbh my grammar isn't the best." It's still very poorly written from a grammar, punctuation, spelling and sentence construction point of view. It reads like a list if things you think ought to be on a profile but with no substance or evidence to back then up. For example, you say you're 'witty'.....where? Potential sexual partners who read your profile only have your word for that. Call me Mandy and slap me with a kipper, but I can't see any wit. 'interesting'......in what way 'interesting'? You see? If someone has to ask....you're not. QED. | |||
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"I think the text is largely informative and helpful. Much better than most. I would suggest you maybe run it via a word programme or the web to check up on spelling. It bugs some people" My point exactly. Why lose a potential meet cos of lousy spelling etc? Profiles might work better if barriers are removed. | |||
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"Only been here 9 weeks and got a good meet with verification. Must be doing something right. But here is my critique of your profile for what it’s worth. The words ‘Honest,genuine &trustworthy’ or anything similar. They should all be ‘taken as read’. The fact that you mention them at all brings them into question. I’d drop them. “Witty, confident,interesting, easy going, smell good, clean good hygiene own hair and teeth and fat fingers.” I would re phrase to “Witty, confident, interesting, easy going with good hygiene, own hair, own teeth and fat fingers.” “I have been to xstasis and chams would like to go with someone.” I’d change to “I’ve been to xstasis and chams but would like to go with someone else.” If I wanted to keep the meaning. But I’m not sure that the “would like to go with someone else” is such a good idea. Most clubs charge less for a couple than a single guy and it could be seen that you just want to get in there cheaply. So I would actually just go with “I’ve been to xstasis and chams a couple of times and really enjoyed the company there”. “Apart from the obvious, honest, trust, respect”. So why say it? Similar to “Honest,genuine &trustworthy” above. Take it out “but if one Was to come along” no capital in Was. Change to “but if one was to come along” “I drive but no car at the moment. I dont mind travelling but more than happy to accommodate.” If you don’t have a car then you don’t drive. End of. Also “I drive but no car at the moment” gives the impression that you’ve lost your car for some reason, maybe hard times or something. I’d go for something like “I don’t have a car but can travel a reasonable distance and am more than willing to accommodate”. This gives the impression that you have chosen not to have a car. “I find my self with a lot of free time at present and can meet day time or evenings”. This sounds like your unemployed. I’d drop it completely. “If we click and decide to meet,I'd never let you down, I'm a man of my word and will arrive bang on time.” By including the phrase ‘I’d never let you down’ you have just put the idea in her head that you might. I’d drop that and go with “If we click and decide to meet I'm a man of my word and will arrive bang on time.” “I would show you respect at all times….”, I’m not sure about this bit, in many ways it similar to honesty and trust. It should be taken as read, not as clear cut as ‘honesty and trust’ but I think I’d take it out. The rest is Ok. Although not what I would say it does sound quite nice but drop the ‘x’s in pussy and fuck. If you’re going to use those words use them, this is not the bible club, and if you’re not comfortable using them then don’t. This is just my opinion so take what parts you want and change what parts you want. At the end of the day the profile has to reflect you, not me. Also take note of BrightonSteve, who is clearly a much more witty guy than me." Hugely constructive, good advice  | |||
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"not a bad profile" thankyou.we chatted before. Any room for improvements? X  | |||
"Only been here 9 weeks and got a good meet with verification. Must be doing something right. But here is my critique of your profile for what it’s worth. The words ‘Honest,genuine &trustworthy’ or anything similar. They should all be ‘taken as read’. The fact that you mention them at all brings them into question. I’d drop them. “Witty, confident,interesting, easy going, smell good, clean good hygiene own hair and teeth and fat fingers.” I would re phrase to “Witty, confident, interesting, easy going with good hygiene, own hair, own teeth and fat fingers.” “I have been to xstasis and chams would like to go with someone.” I’d change to “I’ve been to xstasis and chams but would like to go with someone else.” If I wanted to keep the meaning. But I’m not sure that the “would like to go with someone else” is such a good idea. Most clubs charge less for a couple than a single guy and it could be seen that you just want to get in there cheaply. So I would actually just go with “I’ve been to xstasis and chams a couple of times and really enjoyed the company there”. “Apart from the obvious, honest, trust, respect”. So why say it? Similar to “Honest,genuine &trustworthy” above. Take it out “but if one Was to come along” no capital in Was. Change to “but if one was to come along” “I drive but no car at the moment. I dont mind travelling but more than happy to accommodate.” If you don’t have a car then you don’t drive. End of. Also “I drive but no car at the moment” gives the impression that you’ve lost your car for some reason, maybe hard times or something. I’d go for something like “I don’t have a car but can travel a reasonable distance and am more than willing to accommodate”. This gives the impression that you have chosen not to have a car. “I find my self with a lot of free time at present and can meet day time or evenings”. This sounds like your unemployed. I’d drop it completely. “If we click and decide to meet,I'd never let you down, I'm a man of my word and will arrive bang on time.” By including the phrase ‘I’d never let you down’ you have just put the idea in her head that you might. I’d drop that and go with “If we click and decide to meet I'm a man of my word and will arrive bang on time.” “I would show you respect at all times….”, I’m not sure about this bit, in many ways it similar to honesty and trust. It should be taken as read, not as clear cut as ‘honesty and trust’ but I think I’d take it out. The rest is Ok. Although not what I would say it does sound quite nice but drop the ‘x’s in pussy and fuck. If you’re going to use those words use them, this is not the bible club, and if you’re not comfortable using them then don’t. This is just my opinion so take what parts you want and change what parts you want. At the end of the day the profile has to reflect you, not me. Also take note of BrightonSteve, who is clearly a much more witty guy than me. Hugely constructive, good advice "Thankyou for your assistance x | |||
"not a bad profilethankyou.we chatted before. Any room for improvements? X "respect the word NO ,) | |||
"not a bad profilethankyou.we chatted before. Any room for improvements? X
respect the word NO ,)"I do. But some ladies on here like a guy to chase and make an effort. Tbh i wouldn't get any action if I wasn't persistent. Xxx | |||
"not a bad profilethankyou.we chatted before. Any room for improvements? X
respect the word NO ,)
I do. But some ladies on here like a guy to chase and make an effort. Tbh i wouldn't get any action if I wasn't persistent.
Xxx"And some ladies don't like persistence. I've blocked men for becoming a nuisance by not taking no for an answer and continually messaging. | |||
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""Me in a nut she'll...." seriously? not saying that people want to fuck college professors, but first impressions do count and if you can't even spot what's wrong there (and no, not talking about the incorrect number of periods), it's not a great first impression. (incoming "was on my phone, stupid autocorrect") (to which the answer is, "proof read it then")" Thankyou error corrected | |||
