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dom/sub relationships

By *hettoslut OP Woman over a year ago

Brixton

I was collared in my past, the relationship fell apart as my master broke a fundamental rule of our relationship. However I do not regret the time I spent with him. Is it becoming more common or just more accepted to say you are in a dom/sub, an do experienced people think the new 50 shades lot are plastic 'scene'. Discuss.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally, as someone who has been active on the scene for all of their adult life, find the snobbery towards '50SOG newbies' quite appalling.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/12/14 08:42:34]

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By *hettoslut OP Woman over a year ago

Brixton

if it brings more people into the scene can be a good thing, solong as they truely want it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally, as someone who has been active on the scene for all of their adult life, find the snobbery towards '50SOG newbies' quite appalling."

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple over a year ago

Brighton

It's common for guys to watch the current trend for rough porn and think "oh I'll have some of that" then calls themselves a Dom, yes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

50 shades is an appalling written book and I'm enough of a literatury snob to loathe it for that readon alone!

Bit if it introducea people to kink that want to explore and increase their knowledge then that is in noway a bad thing.

But from what ive been told it also reinforces negative stereotypes in so.much as the Dom is 'damaged' and the relationship is unhealthy. Equally some of the play is hardly safe.

I like to think that the fet scene is inclusive and welcoming. I couldn't cate less how people get in to it. I'm not in sneering and looking down at people. But equally I have no real time for dimdoms who apoear on the scene and think they know it all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"50 shades is an appalling written book and I'm enough of a literatury snob to loathe it for that readon alone!

Bit if it introducea people to kink that want to explore and increase their knowledge then that is in noway a bad thing.

But from what ive been told it also reinforces negative stereotypes in so.much as the Dom is 'damaged' and the relationship is unhealthy. Equally some of the play is hardly safe.

I am not a literary snob and I really enjoyed the trilogy.

I didn't find that it reinforced negative stereotypes. It told a story of a quite lovely, but emotionally damaged, man who enjoyed kink relationships.

There isn't anything unsafe that I recall. I think they do some anal, some bondage and some spanking. I'd have to read it again to make sure though

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By *iggerooooCouple over a year ago

Conwy

I myself have been dom from an early age (teens) but it was very natural and found it was just the way I am. 50 shades I guess has opened peoples eyes (although i have never read it) to the scene. There will be guys that class themselves as an experienced dom after reading ... But there are woman and men who are tempted by the sub side of things too, but they don't seem to get the negative response from it.

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By *tloversCouple over a year ago

Warrington

Instead of discussing if the themes of this book are anti feminist/true bdsm/soft porn etc etc...people should be discussing how in the fucking world did this level of writing even get published! ! The English in it wouldn't even get a C at GCSE...It is literally the most horrendous and shocking book I have ever read..I am still open mouthed that anyone published it and I make my own judgements about people who like it and refer to it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I still really like it... I enjoyed it as a quick read with an easy difficulty level.

The way I see it, it's a bit like food. I love fine dining. I love Michelin starred restaurants. I can also cook very good food at home, easily to gastropub quality - and I live with a chef too. But sometimes, I just really want to get a portion of chips from the local chippy.

Books are the same. I don't always want to read a classic. And sometimes I just want some easy reading porn.

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's common for guys to watch the current trend for rough porn and think "oh I'll have some of that" then calls themselves a Dom, yes."

Or worse start calling themselves Masters

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally, as someone who has been active on the scene for all of their adult life, find the snobbery towards '50SOG newbies' quite appalling."

I would agree though not appalling just small minded and and intolerant.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's common for guys to watch the current trend for rough porn and think "oh I'll have some of that" then calls themselves a Dom, yes.

Or worse start calling themselves Masters"

Why's that a bad thing? People can call themselves whatever they want and then their partners can decide if they want to roleplay along with them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's common for guys to watch the current trend for rough porn and think "oh I'll have some of that" then calls themselves a Dom, yes.

Or worse start calling themselves Masters

Why's that a bad thing? People can call themselves whatever they want and then their partners can decide if they want to roleplay along with them."

I have no clue what way you guys do it across the water but the title of Master is honorific and earned after many years in the bdsm community here. To go calling yourself a Master from the outset demeans the title. What one person calls the other in a relationship is between them. What I'm saying is the title being used public by people undeserving of it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thankfully in most of the UK scene nobody judges if you deserve a title that you think is hot.

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By *aidtobespankedCouple over a year ago

Chester

Dom/sub is a big part of our bedroom antics but has no bearing on our day to day lives.

I hate nothing more than terms such as 'master'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe were a little more old school. Don't get me wrong if you want to go do that its up to you but I'm just giving my opinion. Can call your the grandmaster of the ancient order of sadism for all I care. Doesn't make it true. Not judging anyone btw

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

To us it's not the connotations around semantics, it's what feels right at the time.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

Thankfully in most of the UK scene nobody judges if you deserve a title that you think is hot."

Bollocks. Everyone who has even a slight understanding of the scene, knows and apreciates the significance of title and roles. Whether someone gives time of day to it behind closed doors is another matter, but there is no such support for assumed titles at all.

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By *iggerooooCouple over a year ago

Conwy

Although we agreed to keep it sexual, I am naturally dominant as she is submissive... So it tends to run into our daily lives anyway, only I don't punish outside of our sex life and she never addresses me as "sir" out of the bedroom either

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thankfully in most of the UK scene nobody judges if you deserve a title that you think is hot.

You think?

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By *ipsTeaserCouple over a year ago

here and there, thereabouts

I still really like it... I enjoyed it as a quick read with an easy difficulty level.

Books are the same. I don't always want to read a classic. And sometimes I just want some easy reading porn."

I really agree with this.

I love reading, wide and varied,and it was after much dallying I finally bought these,more to see what the fuss was, than anything else. I enjoyed them as pick up put down books. Yes, storyline and writing style were far from great but it was a quick breezy read to unwind with. I think it's helped to widen the view that women can like whatever they wish and perhaps helped normalise it somewhat from the general stereotypes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd agree with you if you were talking specifically about those who are old school or in the leather scene, but most people are not.

Most people are just enjoying themselves and things like being awarded titles just don't come into it.

Hell, even some of the old school guys that I play with (with 40+ years 'out' on the scene, many of them actively politically campaigning) don't even care what you call yourself. Because at the end of the day it's about doing what makes you feel good, not about fulfilling some old guys idea of what kink should be.

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By *octor DeleriumMan over a year ago

Wellingborough

"I was collared in my past, the relationship fell apart as my master broke a fundamental rule of our relationship. However I do not regret the time I spent with him. Is it becoming more common or just more accepted to say you are in a dom/sub, an do experienced people think the new 50 shades lot are plastic 'scene'. Discuss."

'Fifty Shades of Grey', and it's sequels and spin-offs is, to be brutally honest, a complete pile of s*ite, other views may be valid.

The writing is appalling and it fails, completely, in defining the relationship between the submissiive and the Top.

Seriously, do not waste your money on this, and anybody that believes that this is how a DS relationship functions needs their head examining.

Please feel free to contact me if you require a vivisection of the content.

I might have attended the premiere of the film, to hurl eggs at the authoress, and cast, but it would be too much effort, and complete waste of time.

I suggest that you burn the bloo*y books.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

'Fifty Shades of Grey', and it's sequels and spin-offs is, to be brutally honest, a complete pile of s*ite, other views may be valid.

The writing is appalling and it fails, completely, in defining the relationship between the submissiive and the Top.

Seriously, do not waste your money on this, and anybody that believes that this is how a DS relationship functions needs their head examining.

Please feel free to contact me if you require a vivisection of the content.

I might have attended the premiere of the film, to hurl eggs at the authoress, and cast, but it would be too much effort, and complete waste of time.

I suggest that you burn the bloo*y books.

Childish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I read the books as a few people I knew were reading them and, whilst I'd never claim to be an expert, there were a few things they questioned that I felt I could answer better if I knew the context... Plus I was curious to see if the books were as good as they raved about. Personally I thought they were poorly written, dull and very exaggerated & unrealistic, but I'm glad they have got people taking a bit more openly about sex and actually reading too!

I'm not sure if the D/s dynamic is more accepted though as many still have negative impressions of people using it to over power or bully, as the recent porn bans have shown. Many don't seem to understand that some of us enjoy a spanking every now and then, and that being Dom doesn't require aggression or a damaged person... At no point do I remember 50 Shades referring to 'Safe, Sane & Consensual' or anything similar, but I could be wrong as I didn't find them that memorable

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forgetting the literary fuck ups it gives people the totally wrong idea about what a healthy D/s relationship should be.

He stalks her, he ignores her safe word, he spanks the fuck out of her on her first time out and then leaves her without aftercare.

He is sexually violent (not in the good way) he is jealous and possesive and disrespects her in front of other people.

I dont see anything wrong with new people being introduced by the books as long as they do their research and realise it isnt like it is in the book. It really SHOULDNT be like it is on the book

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd love to be a dom but no idea how to go about it lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Forgetting the literary fuck ups it gives people the totally wrong idea about what a healthy D/s relationship should be.

He stalks her, he ignores her safe word, he spanks the fuck out of her on her first time out and then leaves her without aftercare.

He is sexually violent (not in the good way) he is jealous and possesive and disrespects her in front of other people.

I dont see anything wrong with new people being introduced by the books as long as they do their research and realise it isnt like it is in the book. It really SHOULDNT be like it is on the book"

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By *isandreTV/TS over a year ago

Durham

I'd like to thank the OP for the thread.

I have had the books for a while but I'm unsure whether to start them. I don't know if this thread is going to help or not in that but it has made me think about this scene/dynamic once again. It is a path I feel perhaps I might be getting drawn too. I've had an interesting weekend.

I do have a few questions. I don't want the OP to reveal what happened in the previous relationship but perhaps someone could explain what potential fundamental rules might have been broken?

Forgive me for such naivety.

One thing that occurs to me might have happened is not respecting the safe word. I was thinking about this. I have heard that in a sub dom relationship in some ways it is the sub that has the power, which seems counter intuitive until you really think about it.

What occurs to me about the safe word is that this is actually protection for the dom, which is the opposite of what I did think. Am I right?

One last point about the book, surely this is fantasy so not meant to reflect what actually happens in a real life sub/dom relationship but fantasy?

I am certain being raped would be a terrifying and traumatic experience that I would not want to actually experience and yet the fantasy persists in my head sometimes. I would not want to read a fictional book where there was merely a pretend rape. It would lack the narrative power. Or am I wrong?

I hope I haven't broken any site rules writing this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm glad I've seen this thread because lately I've been thinking about the whole Dom/sub scenario.

I'm finding myself craving submission. The full details of it I don't even know myself but I want to give up certain control.

I've always been in a position of control and responsibility from setting up my own business at 18 & moving out at 19. This is where I think it stems from.

Anyone make sense of that? Because it's the best sense I can make out of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I read the books see what the fuss was about . Cant remember much about the characters . Maybe because in real life it doesnt happen the way it does in fictoin . I am a collared sub who like most give their submissoin willing to their Dom . M female of couple x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont see anything wrong with new people being introduced by the books as long as they do their research and realise it isnt like it is in the book. It really SHOULDNT be like it is on the book"

Unless you're into those things, of course.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd love to be a dom but no idea how to go about it lol"

1. Find person who is submissive.

2. See if you both click.

3. Exchange ideas and try them out.

4. Repeat point 3.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd like to thank the OP for the thread.

I do have a few questions. I don't want the OP to reveal what happened in the previous relationship but perhaps someone could explain what potential fundamental rules might have been broken?

Forgive me for such naivety.

What occurs to me about the safe word is that this is actually protection for the dom, which is the opposite of what I did think. Am I right?

One last point about the book, surely this is fantasy so not meant to reflect what actually happens in a real life sub/dom relationship but fantasy?

I hope I haven't broken any site rules writing this. "

Good points about fantasy and fiction vs reality.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm meeting my Mistress later on today at a private dungeon with a number of her friends. Staying overnight too.

Just sayin

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By *omewhat_kinkyCouple over a year ago

reigate

"I'd love to be a dom but no idea how to go about it lol

1. Find person who is submissive.

2. See if you both click.

3. Exchange ideas and try them out.

4. Repeat point 3."

i think you missed a bullet point there. 'research before play' sorta saves trips to A+E

an yes the books have made the scene more acceptable, but its introduced people into a scene where they can be terrified and shocked.

we both work at BDSM play clubs as crew and DM's (dungeon monitors) we see the 'fifty shaders' turn up totally new with their Tesco £1.99 crops and cheap pvc gear. they stay on average about 6 mins then run ... yes run to their cars.

yes its opened the scene up, but too many are not researching what they are embarking on. we have seen blows to kidneys, attempted rope play without having cutters nearby (we carry safety equipment when on duty) wax play without checking the melting point of the candle.

if they are trying this stuff out in a club without research god knows what they are trying at home and how many will have injured themselves (and not in a good subspacey way)

once the film is released (if it survives the new anti porn laws) there will no doubt be an influx of new victims and psudo masters hitting the scene. ok for the predators (yes there are predators in every scene) there will be a nice line of impressionable young things for them to play with, no doubt the hospitals will see more sex related injuries, and possibly the government will act with some draconian tightening of the law.

so we wait with bated breath for February and see what it brings....

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Mmmm interesting, I always thought D/s relationship was about a sexual stimulating dance between people, not preconceived idea's or ego involvement, maybe I was wrong.....

As for 50 shades. Books written from 1st position are very difficult to write and by the very nature will not be classics, that style doesn't lend itself to literary structure.

She keeps the book to a single POV and character builds accordingly through show and tell.

The problem, from my perspective, is that people are used to noun, verb, subject, structure.

Most of her tell comes from the mind of her character and peoples minds don't do standard sentence structure, it would have incongruence if she had.

Did I enjoy it? Some of it, parts I found very repetitive.

Is it a true reflection? I personally never see fiction as real life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I read 50 shades as a love story and fantasy of a rich guy. A bit like pretty woman.

As for d/s relationships; not all are sexual. Mines not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[\quote]

Most people are just enjoying themselves and things like being awarded titles just don't come into it.

[\quote]

Who cares about the book ! There are no guidelines about how / how not ???

Just the trust and fun that can be had between all parties to enjoy whatever they do ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i think you missed a bullet point there. 'research before play' sorta saves trips to A+E "

I personally only play with people that have enough common sense not to do stupid stuff.

And if I followed what people say you shouldn't do on the internet, I wouldn't do half the 'dangerous' things that I do (and enjoy) now.

I think you can mostly cover things with:

- If you cut someone they might bleed.

- If you hit someone they might break.

- If you stop someone breathing they might die.

- If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

Common sense trumps research on the internet for most things.

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By *omewhat_kinkyCouple over a year ago

reigate

i think you missed a bullet point there. 'research before play' sorta saves trips to A+E

I personally only play with people that have enough common sense not to do stupid stuff.

And if I followed what people say you shouldn't do on the internet, I wouldn't do half the 'dangerous' things that I do (and enjoy) now.

I think you can mostly cover things with:

- If you cut someone they might bleed.

- If you hit someone they might break.

- If you stop someone breathing they might die.

- If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

Common sense trumps research on the internet for most things."

you are assuming they have common sense in the first place

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

i think you missed a bullet point there. 'research before play' sorta saves trips to A+E

I personally only play with people that have enough common sense not to do stupid stuff.

And if I followed what people say you shouldn't do on the internet, I wouldn't do half the 'dangerous' things that I do (and enjoy) now.

I think you can mostly cover things with:

- If you cut someone they might bleed.

- If you hit someone they might break.

- If you stop someone breathing they might die.

- If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

Common sense trumps research on the internet for most things.

you are assuming they have common sense in the first place

And the sensory acuity to realise what they are doing and not performing from their own head.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

i think you missed a bullet point there. 'research before play' sorta saves trips to A+E

I personally only play with people that have enough common sense not to do stupid stuff.

And if I followed what people say you shouldn't do on the internet, I wouldn't do half the 'dangerous' things that I do (and enjoy) now.

I think you can mostly cover things with:

- If you cut someone they might bleed.

- If you hit someone they might break.

- If you stop someone breathing they might die.

- If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

Common sense trumps research on the internet for most things."

And yet you say nobody gives any credence to titles of Master? That just does not make sense.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally from what I see from the scene, this is coming from a relative newby is people who have submissive or dominating tendencies tend to call them selves Doms or subs. Which actually isn't the case.

Lots of people have dominating tendancies, Paul included, they are people who like to take control in the bedroom, may enjoy some basic s&m and may enjoy using restraints but does this make them a dom? We don't think so, a Dom needs to have complete knowledge of his/her role, to allow someone else to submit to them fully.

The same thing with subs, I have submissive tendancies, but would I completely submit to someone else, I'm not sure. It's something I have researched and I am looking at more deeply but I don't feel I am ready to submit totally at this point.

This is the difference and why you see sub/Dom crop up more, people with those tendancies label themselves that way.

In the books (I may be wrong as skimmed through them on holiday) but I think Christian tells ana she is a submissive? Well you can think someone seems submissive but most of the true subs I know are completely different in their day to day life and usually have controlling job roles etc

Excuse the essay but that's my 2 pennies worth

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very much so, books like 50 Shads Of Grey etc don't help the cause though, it gives most people a little insight to it which they don't really understand

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By *ngel_38Woman over a year ago

Staffs

I never read it and never will. Don't read mummy books

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you are assuming they have common sense in the first place

We can only hope that all the people without any common sense date all the other people without common sense and they end up winning the darwin awards...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"a Dom needs to have complete knowledge of his/her role, to allow someone else to submit to them fully.

most of the true subs I know are completely different in their day to day life and usually have controlling job roles etc

Most of the people who are the submissive party in a TPE relationship don't have controlling job roles. In fact most of the submissive sI know don't have controlling job roles. That might be because I tend to socialise with quite creative or technical people, where they don't generally go into management type roles. That possibly says more about your own friendship group.

But what I really want to know is - where do I find the curriculum and exam to be a 'true' sub or a 'true' dom?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most of the people who are the submissive party..."

Should have been "Most of the people *I know* who are the..."

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Very much so, books like 50 Shads Of Grey etc don't help the cause though, it gives most people a little insight to it which they don't really understand "

I'm a little lost with what the "cause" is?

As for labels, to me, they create a 'one size fits all' association, where as in any walks of life there are spectrums and different hues. Again to me, non are wrong or right, they are what they are.

As for opening up insights, surely that is better then a closed mind.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"a Dom needs to have complete knowledge of his/her role, to allow someone else to submit to them fully.

most of the true subs I know are completely different in their day to day life and usually have controlling job roles etc

But what I really want to know is - where do I find the curriculum and exam to be a 'true' sub or a 'true' dom?"

That's odd, because I have found it the other way and it is a release from that world. The biggest sexually submissive person I knew was, by reputation, an aggressive barrister.

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS over a year ago

Limavady

Most of the people who are the submissive party...

Should have been "Most of the people *I know* who are the...""

Whereas, most of the people I know who are submissive DO have controlling jobs

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's odd, because I have found it the other way and it is a release from that world. The biggest sexually submissive person I knew was, by reputation, an aggressive barrister. "

Most of the people I know in TPE relationships often take it to the extent where the submissive partner is a home-maker or they have a part time business that is work from home or similar.

I have met over the years a fair few men who enjoy bottoming as a release from their day to day hectic work lives, but I'd never suggest they were my submissive in a million years. We just played together. If they define themselves as submissive is none of my business.

However I do have my own collared submissive and he is wonderful. He's a project manager - no high power or stressful job for him I'm afraid. He's also kind and compassionate, not an aggressive bone in his body.

Like I said, things like that are probably more reflective of your social circle than anything more than that. The bias of self selection is always present. Clubs can have this effect too. I found Pedestal to be rather full of businessmen with stressful jobs, but the Birmingham femdom clubs less so. Almost certainly because at Pedestal in London there will be a far higher ratio of men in high powered jobs locally due to it being the financial centre of the UK.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

Most of the women I have had d/s play/relationships with, have jobs that are in management, are senior in their positions or are extremely high up the corporate ladder. Women that have to tell people what to do or make decisions that affect large groups within organisational structures. You are making absolute generalisations here - I am not arguing with you just, you are steam-rollering your ideas which are incorrect.

I am struggling to think of one single woman who has not held a position of authority when I have played D/S.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am struggling to think of one single woman who has not held a position of authority when I have played D/S. "

Maybe it depends on your age as much as anything else. Most of my previous submissive partners have been under 30. How many people under 30 hold controlling jobs?

Certainly as a femsub myself, I have never held a controlling job.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am struggling to think of one single woman who has not held a position of authority when I have played D/S.

Maybe it depends on your age as much as anything else. Most of my previous submissive partners have been under 30. How many people under 30 hold controlling jobs?

Certainly as a femsub myself, I have never held a controlling job."

Indeed I was into d/s before I ever had a job... and many people are the same nowadays. So I loathe to say that job has any correlation with what kind of sexy fun you enjoy.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

That's odd, because I have found it the other way and it is a release from that world. The biggest sexually submissive person I knew was, by reputation, an aggressive barrister.

Most of the people I know in TPE relationships often take it to the extent where the submissive partner is a home-maker or they have a part time business that is work from home or similar.

Bias of self-selection, doesn't sit well with me, too cognitive. Kipling's, Or walk with kings - nor loose the common touch, comes to mind. To me, it spans all Memetic values.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm intrugued by the idea of a dom/sub relationship and would be interested in exploring it further. However the guy would need to be not only very good looking with a great body, well endowed and physically stronger than me - he'd have to be very intelligent and emotionally strong too in order to dominate my mind as well as my body - and also a really nice guy rather than a bully using the dom title as an excuse to abuse me.

Ok so I know it's a big ask - but if anyone who fits the bill and is interested in me reads this - well helloooo sir!!

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"I'm intrugued by the idea of a dom/sub relationship and would be interested in exploring it further. However the guy would need to be not only very good looking with a great body, well endowed and physically stronger than me - he'd have to be very intelligent and emotionally strong too in order to dominate my mind as well as my body - and also a really nice guy rather than a bully using the dom title as an excuse to abuse me.

Ok so I know it's a big ask - but if anyone who fits the bill and is interested in me reads this - well helloooo sir!!

He he, I'm sure you'll have lots of response to this - have fun.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

Maybe it depends on your age as much as anything else. Most of my previous submissive partners have been under 30. How many people under 30 hold controlling jobs?

Certainly as a femsub myself, I have never held a controlling job."

I think you are over thinking things.

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS over a year ago

Limavady

Looks like there's potential for an interesting research project into the relationship between employment and sexual preferences. Which is the chicken and which is the egg? Do you think Fab would fund it?

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

How do you consent to non-consent?

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By *vsnikkiTV/TS over a year ago

Limavady

If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

How do you consent to non-consent?"

Even if I say no just do it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you are assuming they have common sense in the first place

We can only hope that all the people without any common sense date all the other people without common sense and they end up winning the darwin awards..."

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By *omewhat_kinkyCouple over a year ago

reigate

If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

How do you consent to non-consent?"

its a nice way of saying play rape or abduction scene they consent in advance and on the set day / time they get fucked or dragged off the street by balaclava wearing guys bundled into a van and played with ... several people we know have had this scene played out for them

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

you are assuming they have common sense in the first place

We can only hope that all the people without any common sense date all the other people without common sense and they end up winning the darwin awards...

Is that from a acheology perspective

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By *ecretlyASoftieWoman over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

"50 shades is an appalling written book and I'm enough of a literatury snob to loathe it for that readon alone! "

I50SOG bashing is just too easy a bandwagon to jump on IMHO. Granted it isn't the best written piece ever but for what it was conceived as, and I think many either don't know or forget, then it's excellent. It's origins are as fan fiction, based on the twilight trilogy and was only meant to be shared on a fan fiction site. Sex scenes are a bit samey after a while but for those that know twilight then it's actually very clever.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"50 shades is an appalling written book and I'm enough of a literatury snob to loathe it for that readon alone!

Clever, I struggle with a little, from my perspective.

Made a few people think about domestic relationships, is that all bad?

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

How do you consent to non-consent?

Interesting interpretation, though not what I had been led to believe it meant.

But running with what you said, if the "played with" involved things that the "victim" thought went too far, what is to stop them going to the police and claiming assault or rape? How would the "attackers" prove consent?

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

I believe that you can't legally consent to what can be considered by a jury as "abuse". Therefore its extra important to have your communication and expectations discussed and understood.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

Exactly my point.

Consent is no defense in an assault case.

No matter how much evidence you have that the victim wanted it to happen if any marks or injuries are anything more than superficial your guilty.

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By *otTheReal01Man over a year ago

London

Exactly why people who enter into CNC arrangements have usually been together a long time, know each other inside out and have done a great deal of communication about it first.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In all honesty I think its a bit shallow to judge someone on what book they read or any other media. Its not how you get into something its more to do with how much you get out of something and its a bit harsh to piss on someone's parade in an elitist manner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In all honesty I think its a bit shallow to judge someone on what book they read or any other media. Its not how you get into something its more to do with how much you get out of something and its a bit harsh to piss on someone's parade in an elitist manner."

But they are perfect and elite.

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

But they are perfect and elite.

But don't you have to be perfect and elite to make that call

Me, I'll have to take your word on it

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By *omewhat_kinkyCouple over a year ago

reigate

If you do things to someone that they don't agree to (outside of consensual non-consent) then you might go to prison.

How do you consent to non-consent?

Interesting interpretation, though not what I had been led to believe it meant.

probably the month long negotiation and emails back n forth plus most of the people we know were very happy with the outcome

but its all in the planning the abductions and scenes are normally asked for by the 'victim', she normally sets one friend to 'make it happen' he or she makes sure that all limits are adhered to blood tests are obtained or condoms worn etc. the 'victim' is told a day but not a time or place. A safe word is set plus the advocate is there to make sure everything is done right. normally these are friends off the 'victim' who take part. this adds to the ongoing head fuck of the 'victim' not knowing who took part

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But they are perfect and elite.

But don't you have to be perfect and elite to make that call

Me, I'll have to take your word on it

I'm out then. I know fuck all.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple over a year ago

Slough

"The House of Lords case (R v Brown, colloquially known as "the Spanner case") ruled that consent was not a valid legal defence for wounding and actual bodily harm in the UK"

Blood tests are worthless proving only the disease free status at the time of testing. By the time the results are returned the tested person could be infectious

Each to their own I guess

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By *1paljungMan over a year ago

Richmond

But they are perfect and elite.

But don't you have to be perfect and elite to make that call

Me, I'll have to take your word on it

I'm out then. I know fuck all. "

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