FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Dom ?
Dom ?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
My play pal is quite into the idea of me being Dom with her !
I've never experienced anything to do with this and would love an insight into how to start off ?
She is open to most things but my big concern is about any thing that may cause pain and the best way to start slowly ?
I know to some this may seem like a mick take but I really am still just learning about the whole scene ?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Being Dom and being a Dom are not the same thing.
I can be Dom in male mode. I could never be a Dom though.
My mistress is a true Dom. She gets off on hurting people. She knows exactly how hard to push a sub do as not to overstep. She takes me further than I thought I could go.
She has listened to what I need and doesn't overstep my desired level of marking and bruising.
She looks after me as I come down afterwards too.
What we do isn't what most actually want when they ask to be dominated.
Talk to your partner and find out what she envisions by her request.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thanks for that clears quite a lot up in a very short time !
Shows me which path lies ahead of me also the fact that its not something you can do on the spur of the moment and needs talking through first !
Cheers for opening my eyes a little more |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"a doms role is never to hurt anyone, they administer pain.
Or fractionate sexual stimulus to create altered states. "
I've so got to remember that !
Any good ideas on how? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"a doms role is never to hurt anyone, they administer pain.
Or fractionate sexual stimulus to create altered states.
I've so got to remember that !
Any good ideas on how?"
Tons, however it has to be used with ecology of the sub in mind at all times.
Start slowly and discuss with them, your actions should always be lead by the others reaction and only acuity can give you that, not advice over the internet.
One thing I will suggest - never loose sight of fun.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"a doms role is never to hurt anyone, they administer pain.
Or fractionate sexual stimulus to create altered states.
I've so got to remember that !
Any good ideas on how?"
Ask your partner! We could ramble on about all the different thing a Dom can do to take a sub into another place. She might just want you to hold her down! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"a doms role is never to hurt anyone, they administer pain."
No... sometimes dominant people like to hurt others. And if the other person wants to be hurt, then it sounds like a good match. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"a doms role is never to hurt anyone, they administer pain.
No... sometimes dominant people like to hurt others. And if the other person wants to be hurt, then it sounds like a good match."
My mistress has been described as a sadist. Probably a bit strong but she gets aroused by my reaction when it really hurts.
I crave the rush it brings and desperately want to please.
We are a good match. That's why I'm now hers when we are together. I don't appear to make any decisions from the moment my collar clicks shut. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"a doms role is never to hurt anyone, they administer pain.
Or fractionate sexual stimulus to create altered states.
I've so got to remember that !
Any good ideas on how?
Tons, however it has to be used with ecology of the sub in mind at all times.
Start slowly and discuss with them, your actions should always be lead by the others reaction and only acuity can give you that, not advice over the internet.
One thing I will suggest - never loose sight of fun. "
Mmmm practice and more practice like the sound of that !
Seriously thanks for your advice will take it all on board !
Of course above all the fun factor ?
Don't have a serious bone in my body so fun and laughter is a must  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
My mistress has been described as a sadist. Probably a bit strong but she gets aroused by my reaction when it really hurts.
I crave the rush it brings and desperately want to please.
We are a good match. That's why I'm now hers when we are together. I don't appear to make any decisions from the moment my collar clicks shut. "
We are a good match when it comes to fun ? She has total confidence in me ! So as she is excited about the thought of me dominating her I'd like to make sure I do it to the best of my ability to make it as exciting as it can be for her ?
Just hope I can hit the heights your mistress seems too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
My mistress is a true Dom. She gets off on hurting people.
I have never read anything so utterly clueless and dangerous. "
Don't just read one line and think that's all there is to it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
My mistress has been described as a sadist. Probably a bit strong but she gets aroused by my reaction when it really hurts.
I crave the rush it brings and desperately want to please.
We are a good match. That's why I'm now hers when we are together. I don't appear to make any decisions from the moment my collar clicks shut.
We are a good match when it comes to fun ? She has total confidence in me ! So as she is excited about the thought of me dominating her I'd like to make sure I do it to the best of my ability to make it as exciting as it can be for her ?
Just hope I can hit the heights your mistress seems too "
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines. "
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun."
Disagree completely? So he should put his needs first and work outside of what she's happy with? 
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun.
Disagree completely? So he should put his needs first and work outside of what she's happy with?
"
She doesn't have 'ultimate control' they are both in control. His sexual pleasure is not secondary to her sexual pleasure.
They *both* need to sit down and discuss what they *both* enjoy. This isn't about the man doing what the woman wants to make her happy. This is about two people working together for mutual fun.
And actually, in traditional D/s it will often be that the tops sexual pleasure will be put *way* above the subs, because the sub may get their own pleasure from knowing that they are serving their top. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun."
Sorry I don't work like that ! I must be so weird lol
I actually gain my pleasure from exciting and teasing ? I don't actually have to be touched by her to have a good time the smile on her face and the wobble in her legs is the best feeling ?
Pleasing me is easy lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun.
Disagree completely? So he should put his needs first and work outside of what she's happy with?
She doesn't have 'ultimate control' they are both in control. His sexual pleasure is not secondary to her sexual pleasure.
They *both* need to sit down and discuss what they *both* enjoy. This isn't about the man doing what the woman wants to make her happy. This is about two people working together for mutual fun.
And actually, in traditional D/s it will often be that the tops sexual pleasure will be put *way* above the subs, because the sub may get their own pleasure from knowing that they are serving their top."
Sexual pleasure isn't always involved in a d/s relationship. It isn't in mine.
As regards to an earlier comment by someone else reference a Dom not enjoying hurting people; that's what has made my search so hard. Most people who have whipped me pull back just as it starts to get good.
To avoid that I've pretended it hurts less than it really does. Now that's dangerous.
If my Dom didn't enjoy giving pain she wouldn't give me enough to get me where I want to be. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun.
Disagree completely? So he should put his needs first and work outside of what she's happy with?
She doesn't have 'ultimate control' they are both in control. His sexual pleasure is not secondary to her sexual pleasure.
They *both* need to sit down and discuss what they *both* enjoy. This isn't about the man doing what the woman wants to make her happy. This is about two people working together for mutual fun.
And actually, in traditional D/s it will often be that the tops sexual pleasure will be put *way* above the subs, because the sub may get their own pleasure from knowing that they are serving their top.
Sexual pleasure isn't always involved in a d/s relationship. It isn't in mine.
As regards to an earlier comment by someone else reference a Dom not enjoying hurting people; that's what has made my search so hard. Most people who have whipped me pull back just as it starts to get good.
To avoid that I've pretended it hurts less than it really does. Now that's dangerous.
If my Dom didn't enjoy giving pain she wouldn't give me enough to get me where I want to be. "
Just for my own understanding, no agenda.
You say you could not be a true Dom, yet you quote from a third party perspective of your interaction - how do you know this is what it is like not being them?
No loaded question, just interest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Sexual pleasure isn't always involved in a d/s relationship. It isn't in mine.
As regards to an earlier comment by someone else reference a Dom not enjoying hurting people; that's what has made my search so hard. Most people who have whipped me pull back just as it starts to get good.
To avoid that I've pretended it hurts less than it really does. Now that's dangerous.
If my Dom didn't enjoy giving pain she wouldn't give me enough to get me where I want to be. "
It may not be the pain I'm going to enjoy but the satisfaction that I have excited her as much as I can without being over zealous and causing real ( non sexual ) pain ?
This I know will not come easily |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun.
Disagree completely? So he should put his needs first and work outside of what she's happy with?
She doesn't have 'ultimate control' they are both in control. His sexual pleasure is not secondary to her sexual pleasure.
They *both* need to sit down and discuss what they *both* enjoy. This isn't about the man doing what the woman wants to make her happy. This is about two people working together for mutual fun.
And actually, in traditional D/s it will often be that the tops sexual pleasure will be put *way* above the subs, because the sub may get their own pleasure from knowing that they are serving their top.
Sexual pleasure isn't always involved in a d/s relationship. It isn't in mine.
As regards to an earlier comment by someone else reference a Dom not enjoying hurting people; that's what has made my search so hard. Most people who have whipped me pull back just as it starts to get good.
To avoid that I've pretended it hurts less than it really does. Now that's dangerous.
If my Dom didn't enjoy giving pain she wouldn't give me enough to get me where I want to be.
Just for my own understanding, no agenda.
You say you could not be a true Dom, yet you quote from a third party perspective of your interaction - how do you know this is what it is like not being them?
No loaded question, just interest. "
I couldn't do what my Dom does to me because I can't bring myself to actually cause real pain. The kind of pain where your whole body is tense and you can hear, see, feel nothing else.
Different doms get off on different things. I only know what mine has shared with me in our conversations. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Sexual pleasure isn't always involved in a d/s relationship. It isn't in mine.
As regards to an earlier comment by someone else reference a Dom not enjoying hurting people; that's what has made my search so hard. Most people who have whipped me pull back just as it starts to get good.
To avoid that I've pretended it hurts less than it really does. Now that's dangerous.
If my Dom didn't enjoy giving pain she wouldn't give me enough to get me where I want to be.
It may not be the pain I'm going to enjoy but the satisfaction that I have excited her as much as I can without being over zealous and causing real ( non sexual ) pain ?
This I know will not come easily "
Sorry. Your thread has gone a bit tangential.
You haven't said if you know what she's asking if you yet. It sounds, from what you say so far, that you're imagining a warming of her bottom without causing any real pain. Just enough to get her going and enhance things for her sexually? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"
I can't stress enough the need to be guided by her. Any kick you get out of it is secondary to what you do for her.
She has the ultimate control and you work within those guidelines.
I disagree completely. First and foremost you need to satisfy yourself. Because if *you* are not having fun then - no matter how much you try - your partner will not have fun.
Disagree completely? So he should put his needs first and work outside of what she's happy with?
She doesn't have 'ultimate control' they are both in control. His sexual pleasure is not secondary to her sexual pleasure.
They *both* need to sit down and discuss what they *both* enjoy. This isn't about the man doing what the woman wants to make her happy. This is about two people working together for mutual fun.
And actually, in traditional D/s it will often be that the tops sexual pleasure will be put *way* above the subs, because the sub may get their own pleasure from knowing that they are serving their top.
Sexual pleasure isn't always involved in a d/s relationship. It isn't in mine.
As regards to an earlier comment by someone else reference a Dom not enjoying hurting people; that's what has made my search so hard. Most people who have whipped me pull back just as it starts to get good.
To avoid that I've pretended it hurts less than it really does. Now that's dangerous.
If my Dom didn't enjoy giving pain she wouldn't give me enough to get me where I want to be.
Just for my own understanding, no agenda.
You say you could not be a true Dom, yet you quote from a third party perspective of your interaction - how do you know this is what it is like not being them?
No loaded question, just interest.
I couldn't do what my Dom does to me because I can't bring myself to actually cause real pain. The kind of pain where your whole body is tense and you can hear, see, feel nothing else.
Different doms get off on different things. I only know what mine has shared with me in our conversations. "
I'm aware of the effects of altered state and can understand that.
And yes everyone is different.
What she has told you, after?
Ok, can go with that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There's actually quite a difference between hurting someone and cussing pain. Hurting someone can have a lasting effect, causing physical pain in this context should not.
Also for clarity a 'True Dominant' or any other kind of Dominant does not 'need' to hurt people or cause pain.
Only a sadist enjoys causing pain.
In the event that the completely inexperienced read this. I wouldn't like to think that they would think that because someone has asked them to be more Dominant with them it means they need to cause pain. It doesn't. A lot of D/s relationships involve no pain of any kind.
Above all else being Dominant and submissive is a head space. Not a physical place. What will make someone Dominant for one submissive may mean nothing to another submissive.
Communication is absolutely key.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"There's actually quite a difference between hurting someone and cussing pain. Hurting someone can have a lasting effect, causing physical pain in this context should not.
Also for clarity a 'True Dominant' or any other kind of Dominant does not 'need' to hurt people or cause pain.
Only a sadist enjoys causing pain.
In the event that the completely inexperienced read this. I wouldn't like to think that they would think that because someone has asked them to be more Dominant with them it means they need to cause pain. It doesn't. A lot of D/s relationships involve no pain of any kind.
Above all else being Dominant and submissive is a head space. Not a physical place. What will make someone Dominant for one submissive may mean nothing to another submissive.
Communication is absolutely key.
"
And ecology |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There's actually quite a difference between hurting someone and cussing pain. Hurting someone can have a lasting effect, causing physical pain in this context should not.
Also for clarity a 'True Dominant' or any other kind of Dominant does not 'need' to hurt people or cause pain.
Only a sadist enjoys causing pain.
In the event that the completely inexperienced read this. I wouldn't like to think that they would think that because someone has asked them to be more Dominant with them it means they need to cause pain. It doesn't. A lot of D/s relationships involve no pain of any kind.
Above all else being Dominant and submissive is a head space. Not a physical place. What will make someone Dominant for one submissive may mean nothing to another submissive.
Communication is absolutely key.
And ecology "
I never thought about it like that but I agree totally. I've actually always done that and been fascinated by it, though never come up with a label. Makes perfect sense though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's actually quite a difference between hurting someone and cussing pain. Hurting someone can have a lasting effect, causing physical pain in this context should not.
Also for clarity a 'True Dominant' or any other kind of Dominant does not 'need' to hurt people or cause pain.
Only a sadist enjoys causing pain.
In the event that the completely inexperienced read this. I wouldn't like to think that they would think that because someone has asked them to be more Dominant with them it means they need to cause pain. It doesn't. A lot of D/s relationships involve no pain of any kind.
Above all else being Dominant and submissive is a head space. Not a physical place. What will make someone Dominant for one submissive may mean nothing to another submissive.
Communication is absolutely key.
"
Communication is definitely the key.
The pain I enjoy does not have a lasting effect. I Am not left with scars. Just marks that will fade and go.
I guess when someone described mistress as a sadist, they were right after all. She does enjoy what she does. That is also what I want. I want to please her.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"There's actually quite a difference between hurting someone and cussing pain. Hurting someone can have a lasting effect, causing physical pain in this context should not.
Also for clarity a 'True Dominant' or any other kind of Dominant does not 'need' to hurt people or cause pain.
Only a sadist enjoys causing pain.
In the event that the completely inexperienced read this. I wouldn't like to think that they would think that because someone has asked them to be more Dominant with them it means they need to cause pain. It doesn't. A lot of D/s relationships involve no pain of any kind.
Above all else being Dominant and submissive is a head space. Not a physical place. What will make someone Dominant for one submissive may mean nothing to another submissive.
Communication is absolutely key.
Communication is definitely the key.
The pain I enjoy does not have a lasting effect. I Am not left with scars. Just marks that will fade and go.
I guess when someone described mistress as a sadist, they were right after all. She does enjoy what she does. That is also what I want. I want to please her.
"
And that is you, as an individual, and thank whatever for individuality, and that's what makes one-size-fits all a farce.
Unfortunate that one-size farce gets generalised and different perspective help understand this is not true.
If you enjoy it, perfect - have fun |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Sorry. Your thread has gone a bit tangential.
You haven't said if you know what she's asking if you yet. It sounds, from what you say so far, that you're imagining a warming of her bottom without causing any real pain. Just enough to get her going and enhance things for her sexually?"
I think that will just be the starting point !
Have already used the bare hand too excite and am surprised just how hard she likes to be struck ?
She's now looking for new things whip etc ?
So where we will end up who knows ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm sure your mistress would take no offence at the correct term being used. It is merely a technicality anyway. Most Dom/me wouldn't care less lol.
I think that a good Dom/me will address what they perceive to be the needs of their submissive's and their own needs within their own bounds and worry about labels later.
It's such a deep subject and imho for the good Dom/me is a constant learning process for both them and their submissive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
@Shyguy do your research and keep her on her toes
Might want to start researching a good flogger. They can produce all sorts of impacts depending on which you go for. They also look a lot more impressive than a hand...
Always remember the build up is half the fun so get imaginative |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Communication is absolutely key.
And that is you, as an individual, and thank whatever for individuality, and that's what makes one-size-fits all a farce.
Unfortunate that one-size farce gets generalised and different perspective help understand this is not true.
If you enjoy it, perfect - have fun "
I think from all of that these two things stand out !
Communication and above all too make sure that the end product is fun for both parties ?
Thanks |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Communication is absolutely key.
And that is you, as an individual, and thank whatever for individuality, and that's what makes one-size-fits all a farce.
Unfortunate that one-size farce gets generalised and different perspective help understand this is not true.
If you enjoy it, perfect - have fun
I think from all of that these two things stand out !
Communication and above all too make sure that the end product is fun for both parties ?
Thanks "
Correct!
As I started off with; you need to be guided by what she wants to try.
She might just want holding down. She might want whipping until she cries.
You have to talk to her to find out and see if you want to fulfil it for her.
It's easy to agree to whip someone. It's not so easy to when they flinch or cry out.
When I tried I just wanted to say sorry! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
First point - do not set out to give pain, a small tap to you might result in a wacking great bruise on her arse.
Second point - you are new to this and she wants you to be in charge. So tell her to STFU and let you take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, not because she wants it now.
I would suggest tease and tie, as it is what we call sensation play with little or no pain.
So take her to bed, put some sexy music on, tie her up with some silk scarves and put a blindfold on her.
Leave her mouth open and arrange a safeword, so if she screams "red" you untie her and stop immediately.
So for example I would use items around the home or cheap stuff to play with:
1. Yolk brush - pennies in the kitchen department of any shop which you can tickle and flick her bits with.
2. Balloon - you can pop them and make her jump or play with static electricity
3. Elastic bands - snap them against her skin, makes her think you might hurt er more. Or makes her jump.
4. Popping candy - put some in your mouth and suck, or put some on her body
5. Spray bottle with icy water - makes her gasp
6. Chocolate spread/whipped cream - lick it off
7. Wooden spatula - good for tapping her and building up to smacking
8. Wooden kebab skewers - light poking is fun
9. A furry car mitt thing - good for stroking
+ loads more 
Where I have suggested stuff like the kebab sticks or elastic bands, it is more of a sharp shock versus putting her into a happy place with the nice things.
Part of the joy of submission is not knowing what Mr dom is doing next, keeping her a quivering mess of sensation.
And not a whip or hurty thing in sight x
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"First point - do not set out to give pain, a small tap to you might result in a wacking great bruise on her arse.
Second point - you are new to this and she wants you to be in charge. So tell her to STFU and let you take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, not because she wants it now.
I would suggest tease and tie, as it is what we call sensation play with little or no pain.
So take her to bed, put some sexy music on, tie her up with some silk scarves and put a blindfold on her.
Leave her mouth open and arrange a safeword, so if she screams "red" you untie her and stop immediately.
So for example I would use items around the home or cheap stuff to play with:
1. Yolk brush - pennies in the kitchen department of any shop which you can tickle and flick her bits with.
2. Balloon - you can pop them and make her jump or play with static electricity
3. Elastic bands - snap them against her skin, makes her think you might hurt er more. Or makes her jump.
4. Popping candy - put some in your mouth and suck, or put some on her body
5. Spray bottle with icy water - makes her gasp
6. Chocolate spread/whipped cream - lick it off
7. Wooden spatula - good for tapping her and building up to smacking
8. Wooden kebab skewers - light poking is fun
9. A furry car mitt thing - good for stroking
+ loads more
Where I have suggested stuff like the kebab sticks or elastic bands, it is more of a sharp shock versus putting her into a happy place with the nice things.
Part of the joy of submission is not knowing what Mr dom is doing next, keeping her a quivering mess of sensation.
And not a whip or hurty thing in sight x
"
Thanks guys that stirs the imagination also a real hardening feeling I have lol
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"@Shyguy do your research and keep her on her toes
Might want to start researching a good flogger. They can produce all sorts of impacts depending on which you go for. They also look a lot more impressive than a hand...
Always remember the build up is half the fun so get imaginative"
Thanks guys I think if I'd blindly stumbled along I could have spoilt what will be an exciting time for us both |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think like has been said, communication is the key. I once met a guy who would class himself as "a Dom" , he wasn't from Fab. He failed to understand that you need to build trust for it to work! It put me off that whole type of play as it scared me at the time. Luckily I was strong enough to tell him to go before things went too far and hopefully made him think how his actions impact others! I doubt it though!
I imagine , done well, it can be very erotic. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think like has been said, communication is the key. I once met a guy who would class himself as "a Dom" , he wasn't from Fab. He failed to understand that you need to build trust for it to work! It put me off that whole type of play as it scared me at the time. Luckily I was strong enough to tell him to go before things went too far and hopefully made him think how his actions impact others! I doubt it though!
I imagine , done well, it can be very erotic. "
Think trust is a major part too and having a stop word ?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Without trust you don't have anything.
Safeword is a good idea but not the be all and end all a lot think it is. Sometimes people can't talk, a gag is obvious but sometimes the feelings generated mean someone can't talk.
A held object can be used on occasion if dropped its the same as a safe word.
Knowing exactly how far you can push your submissives limits at any given time is the much better options.
Then you also have the unexpected responses, deeply buried memories re-emerging is something to be aware of. I learnt that one the hard way! Aftercare and basic safe play methods all need to be researched. Read everything you can lay your hands on and then use what you feel fits for you and your partner.
Remember start slow and work up.
And buy a hitachi magic wand lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Without trust you don't have anything.
Safeword is a good idea but not the be all and end all a lot think it is. Sometimes people can't talk, a gag is obvious but sometimes the feelings generated mean someone can't talk.
A held object can be used on occasion if dropped its the same as a safe word.
Knowing exactly how far you can push your submissives limits at any given time is the much better options.
Then you also have the unexpected responses, deeply buried memories re-emerging is something to be aware of. I learnt that one the hard way! Aftercare and basic safe play methods all need to be researched. Read everything you can lay your hands on and then use what you feel fits for you and your partner.
Remember start slow and work up.
And buy a hitachi magic wand lol"
Friends have said a doxy ?
Any ideas which is better ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A true Dom would never hurt his / her sub. Ive been in two long term Dom/sub relationships and would say alot of talking is needed at the very start and after each session . Alot of it is mind control for myself .
Take a look at www.kimdebron.com
Have fun and play safe
Maria x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Try a more fetish site they tend to have lots of forums and topics for beginners, look at attending munch's and talking to people understand the scene then look at going to events. probably the best way to learn is watching and talking to others picking up tips on safety and idea's for different play.
Stay away from whips as a beginner you could take your/there bloody eye out, floggers are fun as are paddles and apart from making sure you're hitting in the right area's alot safer than a whip.
Spanking is also fun. too much to advise so best advice is get on a fet site and get on the fet scene.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A true Dom would never hurt his / her sub. Ive been in two long term Dom/sub relationships and would say alot of talking is needed at the very start and after each session . Alot of it is mind control for myself .
Take a look at www.kimdebron.com
Have fun and play safe
Maria x"
I think we've established doms come in many forms. Trust me; it really really hurts on the last two strikes of each 'toy' for me. She warns me the next two WILL hurt. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Communication is Key Find out what she wants - you need to let her know what YOU want and feel able to do as well - a D/s relationship is 2 way
Dont let any one tell you how it SHOULD be - as long as its safe and you are both into it then make it whatever you like
Some people dont understand that domination isn't always about pain and bondage - it can take other forms - lots of submissives don't like pain or restraint |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My play pal is quite into the idea of me being Dom with her !
I've never experienced anything to do with this and would love an insight into how to start off ?
She is open to most things but my big concern is about any thing that may cause pain and the best way to start slowly ?
I know to some this may seem like a mick take but I really am still just learning about the whole scene ? "
I'm dom with guys/women,I face sit/facefuck them,watersports too and of course fuck them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The first rule of being Dom is finding out what both of you think it means.
A good Dom finds out the combination of buttons to press as and when to heighten the fun NOT to purposely hurt someone for the sake of it. People who call them themselves Dom and behave with utter disregard towards a sub are just bullies, simply.
It's not about hurting someone, it's about mental control and trust on both partners.
Maybe you should take a look at a more specialist international site regarding fetishes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Without trust you don't have anything.
Safeword is a good idea but not the be all and end all a lot think it is. Sometimes people can't talk, a gag is obvious but sometimes the feelings generated mean someone can't talk.
A held object can be used on occasion if dropped its the same as a safe word.
Knowing exactly how far you can push your submissives limits at any given time is the much better options.
Then you also have the unexpected responses, deeply buried memories re-emerging is something to be aware of. I learnt that one the hard way! Aftercare and basic safe play methods all need to be researched. Read everything you can lay your hands on and then use what you feel fits for you and your partner.
Remember start slow and work up.
And buy a hitachi magic wand lol
Friends have said a doxy ?
Any ideas which is better ?"
Doxy will do it aswell. Forgot about that one |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *itzWoman
over a year ago
south wales |
"First point - do not set out to give pain, a small tap to you might result in a wacking great bruise on her arse.
Second point - you are new to this and she wants you to be in charge. So tell her to STFU and let you take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, not because she wants it now.
I would suggest tease and tie, as it is what we call sensation play with little or no pain.
So take her to bed, put some sexy music on, tie her up with some silk scarves and put a blindfold on her.
Leave her mouth open and arrange a safeword, so if she screams "red" you untie her and stop immediately.
So for example I would use items around the home or cheap stuff to play with:
1. Yolk brush - pennies in the kitchen department of any shop which you can tickle and flick her bits with.
2. Balloon - you can pop them and make her jump or play with static electricity
3. Elastic bands - snap them against her skin, makes her think you might hurt er more. Or makes her jump.
4. Popping candy - put some in your mouth and suck, or put some on her body
5. Spray bottle with icy water - makes her gasp
6. Chocolate spread/whipped cream - lick it off
7. Wooden spatula - good for tapping her and building up to smacking
8. Wooden kebab skewers - light poking is fun
9. A furry car mitt thing - good for stroking
+ loads more
Where I have suggested stuff like the kebab sticks or elastic bands, it is more of a sharp shock versus putting her into a happy place with the nice things.
Part of the joy of submission is not knowing what Mr dom is doing next, keeping her a quivering mess of sensation.
And not a whip or hurty thing in sight x
"
Excellent post.
OP - if you did want to buy some impact play toys and learn how to use them, I found some excellent guides on how to use them, safety and the sensations produced by different materials and different instruments on Uber Kinky. They are a shop but you dont have to buy from them. There is also a spanking guide and information on other types of play. Maybe you could read them together |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *hortieWoman
over a year ago
Northampton |
"First point - do not set out to give pain, a small tap to you might result in a wacking great bruise on her arse.
Second point - you are new to this and she wants you to be in charge. So tell her to STFU and let you take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, not because she wants it now.
I would suggest tease and tie, as it is what we call sensation play with little or no pain.
So take her to bed, put some sexy music on, tie her up with some silk scarves and put a blindfold on her.
Leave her mouth open and arrange a safeword, so if she screams "red" you untie her and stop immediately.
So for example I would use items around the home or cheap stuff to play with:
1. Yolk brush - pennies in the kitchen department of any shop which you can tickle and flick her bits with.
2. Balloon - you can pop them and make her jump or play with static electricity
3. Elastic bands - snap them against her skin, makes her think you might hurt er more. Or makes her jump.
4. Popping candy - put some in your mouth and suck, or put some on her body
5. Spray bottle with icy water - makes her gasp
6. Chocolate spread/whipped cream - lick it off
7. Wooden spatula - good for tapping her and building up to smacking
8. Wooden kebab skewers - light poking is fun
9. A furry car mitt thing - good for stroking
+ loads more
Where I have suggested stuff like the kebab sticks or elastic bands, it is more of a sharp shock versus putting her into a happy place with the nice things.
Part of the joy of submission is not knowing what Mr dom is doing next, keeping her a quivering mess of sensation.
And not a whip or hurty thing in sight x
Thanks guys that stirs the imagination also a real hardening feeling I have lol
"
Sometimes I would be tied to the bed with silk scarves so lightly, that if I jumped or wriggled too much my hands of feet would easily slip out of the restraints - which would lead to a forfeit or punishment. Trying to not break the bonds was a killer sometimes  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"First point - do not set out to give pain, a small tap to you might result in a wacking great bruise on her arse.
Second point - you are new to this and she wants you to be in charge. So tell her to STFU and let you take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, not because she wants it now.
I would suggest tease and tie, as it is what we call sensation play with little or no pain.
So take her to bed, put some sexy music on, tie her up with some silk scarves and put a blindfold on her.
Leave her mouth open and arrange a safeword, so if she screams "red" you untie her and stop immediately.
So for example I would use items around the home or cheap stuff to play with:
1. Yolk brush - pennies in the kitchen department of any shop which you can tickle and flick her bits with.
2. Balloon - you can pop them and make her jump or play with static electricity
3. Elastic bands - snap them against her skin, makes her think you might hurt er more. Or makes her jump.
4. Popping candy - put some in your mouth and suck, or put some on her body
5. Spray bottle with icy water - makes her gasp
6. Chocolate spread/whipped cream - lick it off
7. Wooden spatula - good for tapping her and building up to smacking
8. Wooden kebab skewers - light poking is fun
9. A furry car mitt thing - good for stroking
+ loads more
Where I have suggested stuff like the kebab sticks or elastic bands, it is more of a sharp shock versus putting her into a happy place with the nice things.
Part of the joy of submission is not knowing what Mr dom is doing next, keeping her a quivering mess of sensation.
And not a whip or hurty thing in sight x
Thanks guys that stirs the imagination also a real hardening feeling I have lol
Sometimes I would be tied to the bed with silk scarves so lightly, that if I jumped or wriggled too much my hands of feet would easily slip out of the restraints - which would lead to a forfeit or punishment. Trying to not break the bonds was a killer sometimes "
I used to chew though my bindings |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"First point - do not set out to give pain, a small tap to you might result in a wacking great bruise on her arse.
Second point - you are new to this and she wants you to be in charge. So tell her to STFU and let you take things at a pace that is comfortable for you, not because she wants it now.
I would suggest tease and tie, as it is what we call sensation play with little or no pain.
So take her to bed, put some sexy music on, tie her up with some silk scarves and put a blindfold on her.
Leave her mouth open and arrange a safeword, so if she screams "red" you untie her and stop immediately.
So for example I would use items around the home or cheap stuff to play with:
1. Yolk brush - pennies in the kitchen department of any shop which you can tickle and flick her bits with.
2. Balloon - you can pop them and make her jump or play with static electricity
3. Elastic bands - snap them against her skin, makes her think you might hurt er more. Or makes her jump.
4. Popping candy - put some in your mouth and suck, or put some on her body
5. Spray bottle with icy water - makes her gasp
6. Chocolate spread/whipped cream - lick it off
7. Wooden spatula - good for tapping her and building up to smacking
8. Wooden kebab skewers - light poking is fun
9. A furry car mitt thing - good for stroking
+ loads more
Where I have suggested stuff like the kebab sticks or elastic bands, it is more of a sharp shock versus putting her into a happy place with the nice things.
Part of the joy of submission is not knowing what Mr dom is doing next, keeping her a quivering mess of sensation.
And not a whip or hurty thing in sight x
Thanks guys that stirs the imagination also a real hardening feeling I have lol
Sometimes I would be tied to the bed with silk scarves so lightly, that if I jumped or wriggled too much my hands of feet would easily slip out of the restraints - which would lead to a forfeit or punishment. Trying to not break the bonds was a killer sometimes "
Using both of these together sounds really exciting and that's just for me !
Thanks guys those points will make her like jelly ! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago
Pleasuretown |
"There's actually quite a difference between hurting someone and cussing pain. Hurting someone can have a lasting effect, causing physical pain in this context should not.
Also for clarity a 'True Dominant' or any other kind of Dominant does not 'need' to hurt people or cause pain.
Only a sadist enjoys causing pain.
In the event that the completely inexperienced read this. I wouldn't like to think that they would think that because someone has asked them to be more Dominant with them it means they need to cause pain. It doesn't. A lot of D/s relationships involve no pain of any kind.
Above all else being Dominant and submissive is a head space. Not a physical place. What will make someone Dominant for one submissive may mean nothing to another submissive.
Communication is absolutely key.
"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The first rule of being Dom is finding out what both of you think it means.
A good Dom finds out the combination of buttons to press as and when to heighten the fun NOT to purposely hurt someone for the sake of it. People who call them themselves Dom and behave with utter disregard towards a sub are just bullies, simply.
It's not about hurting someone, it's about mental control and trust on both partners.
Maybe you should take a look at a more specialist international site regarding fetishes. "
Talk to her! Ask her what she wants. Lots of ideas on this thread, I would absolutely hate. Yet others love them. Don't put her off before you get started. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The first rule of being Dom is finding out what both of you think it means.
A good Dom finds out the combination of buttons to press as and when to heighten the fun NOT to purposely hurt someone for the sake of it. People who call them themselves Dom and behave with utter disregard towards a sub are just bullies, simply.
It's not about hurting someone, it's about mental control and trust on both partners.
Maybe you should take a look at a more specialist international site regarding fetishes.
Talk to her! Ask her what she wants. Lots of ideas on this thread, I would absolutely hate. Yet others love them. Don't put her off before you get started. "
Have started slowly after talking ! Have even found one way she wasn't expecting of giving her pleasure ?
I can see that there is a massive difference between the different ways to be a Dom I think with her help we can get her to the point where she gets most enjoyment !
Thanks for all your input I feel without it all I could have caused real problems between us ! Now looks like nothing but fun for us and hopefully the ppl we meet x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
