FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How long do you wait?
How long do you wait?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved?  |
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He might never have been there in the first place or he might have had so many no shows that he has a 15 minute limit.
We are prepared to wait for as long as it takes to drink one drink. No one has failed to turn up ........yet!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Were you late leaving or stuck in.traffic?
If you were late leaving you could have text before you left. If you were stuck in traffic you could have pulled over to let him know. "
May i could have pulled over to make a call but that could have been just as dangerous as it was bucketing down and slowed traffic to 10 mph im not joking x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As some else said I'd wait as long as it took me to drink my drink.
Did he try to contact you to find out where you were? If he did it would have been an unanswered call/text so that would also be a no show indicator.
I think it's just one of this things and neither of you are at fault, you were genuinely late, he'd waited 15 mins.
Better luck next time. |
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I think it kinda rude to not say you are running late. I would only wait about 15mins or as long as it took for me to have 1 drink.
Pulling over isn't exactly dangerous. But then like another user said he may not have showed himself.
I always confirm on the day and say when I've left so the person knows I am on my way |
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"Were you late leaving or stuck in.traffic?
If you were late leaving you could have text before you left. If you were stuck in traffic you could have pulled over to let him know.
May i could have pulled over to make a call but that could have been just as dangerous as it was bucketing down and slowed traffic to 10 mph im not joking x "
How could it have been dangerous if you pulled into a designated stopping place or a carpark or something? I'm not suggesting just stopping on a main road.
I'm not questioning your story but I do feel at times single guys have it hard on here being labelled time wasters etc (i know you haven't labelled this man one) yet you could have easily contacted him to let him know you were going to be late.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Were you late leaving or stuck in.traffic?
If you were late leaving you could have text before you left. If you were stuck in traffic you could have pulled over to let him know.
Maybe i could have pulled over to make a call but that could have been just as dangerous as it was bucketing down and slowed traffic to 10 mph im not joking x
How could it have been dangerous if you pulled into a designated stopping place or a carpark or something? I'm not suggesting just stopping on a main road.
I'm not questioning your story but I do feel at times single guys have it hard on here being labelled time wasters etc (i know you haven't labelled this man one) yet you could have easily contacted him to let him know you were going to be late.
"
it was a bad stretch of road. we are still chatting. i would have answered the phone to shout im late if he called. its no big deal just wondered how long people give..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did you not call him when you arrived? Even if he'd left after 10 mins, he's then 5 minutes away!
Personally, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to have left."
i called as soon as i got there. tried to get him to come back but said it was too far. maybe he didnt show!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did you not call him when you arrived? Even if he'd left after 10 mins, he's then 5 minutes away!
Personally, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to have left.
i called as soon as i got there. tried to get him to come back but said it was too far. maybe he didnt show!!!"
Sounds like he may not have showed in the first place. 15 minutes is nothing, I'd give it half an hour or so then ring or text them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think half hour is reasonable as you put so much effort into getting ready and driving there need a drink ect x"
You think it's reasonable to be 30 minutes late for a meet that was 45 minutes away? 
How about allowing enough time to get there on time instead? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think half hour is reasonable as you put so much effort into getting ready and driving there need a drink ect x
You think it's reasonable to be 30 minutes late for a meet that was 45 minutes away?
How about allowing enough time to get there on time instead?"
should i mention the M25 does that help explain. you never know whats going to happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't it a woman's prerogative to be late? I think 30 mins is the time to start questioning, if you're 15 mins late and he's already gone then he probably only waited 5 or 10 mins - that's no time at all for any genuine delay |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends if he had to be somewhere else. For example if I met on my lunch break for a coffee then it has be to on time otherwise there's no point.
After work no problem for me to wait for 1/2 hour with a drink & a kindle! |
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First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
"
Huh
I've left in plenty of time before and been delayed, I think we all have at some point! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
"
What are the shitty lame excuses? If the op felt it was unsafe to pull over and text or call then that's her decision. Unless I've missed it, the guy concerned never contacted her to ask where she was which I find odd so maybe he wasn't there in the first place? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me I use the Marmite equation:
(Ht+MM) x (Ls+HM)
_________________
(Nm x Pf x Gw)
Hours travelled by me plus Marmite miles, multiplied by the Ladies sexiness pus Her Mileage. All divided by the niceness of messages times personality factor times guess work. ..
about an hour tops |
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
What are the shitty lame excuses? If the op felt it was unsafe to pull over and text or call then that's her decision. Unless I've missed it, the guy concerned never contacted her to ask where she was which I find odd so maybe he wasn't there in the first place? "
Maybe, but like any thread like this we only have one side of the story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
What are the shitty lame excuses? If the op felt it was unsafe to pull over and text or call then that's her decision. Unless I've missed it, the guy concerned never contacted her to ask where she was which I find odd so maybe he wasn't there in the first place?
Maybe, but like any thread like this we only have one side of the story. "
but unlike other threads the OP wasn't ranting she just asked how long would someone wait.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was an hour late once due to a signal failure and a sick person on the platform. If it was a first meet and the man wasn't waiting at home for me he might have gone home. I would expect that after an hour but not 15 minutes. Lots of people are late for meets,it happens |
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I usually meet in a local coffee shop, and I tend to arrive a little early, so I can order my own coffee (simply because the owner knows me, and makes my coffee how I like it), so I'll wait for as long as it takes me to drink my coffee.
Once I took my coursework with me, to do after the meet (I spend a lot of time in this coffee shop!), about an hour after the guy was supposed to turn up, a very harassed looking man stopped at my table, and said, 'I don't suppose I'm by any chance talking to Red am I?' He'd lost his phone, been caught at work, and just generally had a shit day. So all turned out cool in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think half hour is reasonable as you put so much effort into getting ready and driving there need a drink ect x
You think it's reasonable to be 30 minutes late for a meet that was 45 minutes away?
How about allowing enough time to get there on time instead?
should i mention the M25 does that help explain. you never know whats going to happen "
And? Does that not make my point even more valid?
I would have no problem in someone been 15 minutes late but there is an arrogance in saying 30 minutes should be acceptable with no call.
If a single man had said that he would be being destroyed on here |
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
What are the shitty lame excuses? If the op felt it was unsafe to pull over and text or call then that's her decision. Unless I've missed it, the guy concerned never contacted her to ask where she was which I find odd so maybe he wasn't there in the first place?
Maybe, but like any thread like this we only have one side of the story.
but unlike other threads the OP wasn't ranting she just asked how long would someone wait.
"
Who said anything about ranting?
I'd wait as long as long as required providing that the person I was meeting had contacted me to explain why they were going to be late and how long they thought they were going to be.
The fact that the op has tried to shift this into a 'he didn't show' thread by placing the onus to contact her on him just shows some people's attitudes towards guys in my opinion. She was late so he should have phoned her? She claims she won't use phones while driving but would answer a call if he had rung her, yeah right. There are no sage places to stop on her journey, even on the m25 where traffic was down to 10mph because of the rain...unlikely. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
What are the shitty lame excuses? If the op felt it was unsafe to pull over and text or call then that's her decision. Unless I've missed it, the guy concerned never contacted her to ask where she was which I find odd so maybe he wasn't there in the first place?
Maybe, but like any thread like this we only have one side of the story.
but unlike other threads the OP wasn't ranting she just asked how long would someone wait.
Who said anything about ranting?
I'd wait as long as long as required providing that the person I was meeting had contacted me to explain why they were going to be late and how long they thought they were going to be.
The fact that the op has tried to shift this into a 'he didn't show' thread by placing the onus to contact her on him just shows some people's attitudes towards guys in my opinion. She was late so he should have phoned her? She claims she won't use phones while driving but would answer a call if he had rung her, yeah right. There are no sage places to stop on her journey, even on the m25 where traffic was down to 10mph because of the rain...unlikely. "
so im a lier why did i bother asking
im not having a go was just asking how long you would wait under any circumstances |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm yet to have a meet, only been on the site a few weeks and just finding my feet with it all.
However whenever I drive to meet friends etc I always leave early to allow for delays and always text when I'm leaving so they know roughly when to expect me, I think that's just common courtesy and I would have the same manners when I do meet someone from here.
I personally would have waited longer than 15 minutes or at least sent a text to see if you were ok and on your way but that was his perogative maybe based on past experiences.
And as someone else has pointed out, if this had been a man posting this he would have been completely shot down and chastised for being late and not communicating...same rules apply in my book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"First rule of being a rep:
"If you arrive on time you are 20 minutes late"
If the meet was important enough to you then you would have been there.
And you are now full of shitty lame excuses....
So learn from this, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
"If you keep on doing the same old things, then you will keep on getting the same old results!!"
What are the shitty lame excuses? If the op felt it was unsafe to pull over and text or call then that's her decision. Unless I've missed it, the guy concerned never contacted her to ask where she was which I find odd so maybe he wasn't there in the first place?
Maybe, but like any thread like this we only have one side of the story.
but unlike other threads the OP wasn't ranting she just asked how long would someone wait.
Who said anything about ranting?
I'd wait as long as long as required providing that the person I was meeting had contacted me to explain why they were going to be late and how long they thought they were going to be.
The fact that the op has tried to shift this into a 'he didn't show' thread by placing the onus to contact her on him just shows some people's attitudes towards guys in my opinion. She was late so he should have phoned her? She claims she won't use phones while driving but would answer a call if he had rung her, yeah right. There are no sage places to stop on her journey, even on the m25 where traffic was down to 10mph because of the rain...unlikely. "
In response to your 'one side of the story' post ~ If she was ranting I would agree we're only hearing one side but to me the OP was a very simple question about how long someone would be prepared to wait... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm yet to have a meet, only been on the site a few weeks and just finding my feet with it all.
However whenever I drive to meet friends etc I always leave early to allow for delays and always text when I'm leaving so they know roughly when to expect me, I think that's just common courtesy and I would have the same manners when I do meet someone from here.
I personally would have waited longer than 15 minutes or at least sent a text to see if you were ok and on your way but that was his perogative maybe based on past experiences.
And as someone else has pointed out, if this had been a man posting this he would have been completely shot down and chastised for being late and not communicating...same rules apply in my book."
I think this is as it should be, I can't see anyone disagreeing.  |
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By *itSamCouple
over a year ago
Birmingham |
We once met a couple and it was a long drive. Was not far away and needed to relieve myself. Got out lost a bit of liquid. Car lost traction where I was parked. I spent a lifetime running round trying to find dry things to wedge under the tyre. We did contact the couple who we were meeting and they thankfully waited for us. As we are down that way regular to meet friends we pass that place and I steer clear. Does make us laugh when we see it. I can not remember how long it took us to get out. I even contacted our friends who are local to the place and they never thought of offering to pop over with their car and a rope to give a helpful pull. What a night. We still laugh about it today. I even was sad enough to take a photo of the mud that captured us. |
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By *om DawnCouple
over a year ago
Medway |
I would have sent a ' on my way' text as soon as I left - have you given any thought to the fact that he may have been there in the car park, seen you and decided you weren't for him?
For what's it's worth I would have waited longer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having perused the OP's pics, as a red blooded male, I would have waited 30 minutes, text to make sure she was ok, waited 15 minutes for a reply then text again to say I was disappointed and leaving |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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he didnt wait long if he was actually there - if he had been there he would know the weather was vile and surely allowed a little bit of leeway - we would have let them know but probably not for just 10 or 15 minutes - we would give a half hour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved? "
If you didn't contact him I guess its understandable he went. Would it not have been an idea to stop the car and let him know after all you know 30 mins before hand you are not going to make it on time and even motorways have junctions and services you can use so you can stop the car and contact someone. |
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We take it as the height of rudeness if someone is running late and they don't tell us. If we are informed then we will wait for as long as our meet takes to arrive. If not then half an hour is our limit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He might never have been there in the first place or he might have had so many no shows that he has a 15 minute limit.
We are prepared to wait for as long as it takes to drink one drink. No one has failed to turn up ........yet! "
I wouldn't wait much longer, but would ring or message so you knew why.
Was once leaving a pub car park when guy turned up 20 mins late, recognised the car, so turned back in and glad I did! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like most have stated I would have waited until I had finished my drink and then before I had left I would have text or called to see if everything was ok. Everyone gets delayed from time to time its just part of life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always send a message before leaving then when we arrive at our arranged meeting place , that way you get some idea if your going to be stood up if they havnt replied . That said we wouldnt wait more than an hour .... just long enough to have a drink so the nights not wasted lol |
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"I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved? "
. I always speak by phone just before starting my journey .Whilst it is great that you do not use your phone while driving , why not invest in a hands free kit. You can then answer calls but be very brief . Or programme in number just before you leave and dial it if late . |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
If the OP was 15 minutes late and called as soon as she arrived - then he could only have been 15 minutes away, surely?
And that assumes he left bang on the meet time. Even if he'd only hung around 5 minutes he'd still be a maximum of 10 minutes away.
Now don't get me wrong - the choice of how long to hang around is personal. But if the details are correct? Either he wasn't really there or he couldn't be arsed to turn round and go back - a journey of just a few minutes.
Sounds like someone who's either telling porkies and wasn't ever there, or who for whatever reason either wasn't keen on going through with the meet or was just too damn lazy to go back - in which case it's possibly a good result for the OP.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I must be mean!
I wait 5 mins!
If I haven't had a text or call saying they will be late I'm away!"
5-10 minutes I hate people being late now a days with mobiles not a lot of excuse for not letting people know you are running late |
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"I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved? "
No! I don't wait unless I get a telephone call to let me know. |
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"I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved? "
I would of waited for you.. wow wow wow you look amazing x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tend to wait an hour and thats it . Any longer and it becomes too depressing. It has become hatd work recently. "
In a nutshell!
I once waited and spoke twice on the phone as she was supposedly en route. Never again, you just feel demeaned.
At least if you arrange to meet in a pub or hotel bar you could pull a real person, not some of the mythical tosspots on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I waited a hour once for a social. No show. Next social week later, different guy, gave half hour, no show and I got myself a coffee and went home, thinking it was my fault both times. contact had been regular till the night before. One had a excuse, the other never even contacted me. Reported and blocked both. now I only wait 15 minutes. Social meet last night. He messaged me here to say he had parked and was walking down the road, arrived just after |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I turned up an hour late because my daughter was picked up late but I did get intouch to let him know and he wasn't bothered because he enjoyed our kinky fun but my other meets I've been on time,i think your meet could have waited or even turn up,was he verified and did he get intouch at all? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry if you have a car & a phone buy a Bluetooth its not rocket science
But you didn't mention any contact from him did he txt or try & call?
Well he was probably a no show
I hear thst a lot the thrill of the chase etc.... Bored wankers are my thoughts hay ho |
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By *andS66Couple
over a year ago
Derby |
"I think half hour is reasonable as you put so much effort into getting ready and driving there need a drink ect x
You think it's reasonable to be 30 minutes late for a meet that was 45 minutes away?
How about allowing enough time to get there on time instead?
should i mention the M25 does that help explain. you never know whats going to happen "
No, that doesn't explain. Actually makes it worse, because, as you say, you never know what's going to happen. Therefore you should allow extra time.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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for you, secret, i would have waited a good long while. lovely profile and pics.
dave x
"I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved? "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would and have waited upto an hour. Although I did receive a text to say she was running late. Personally I always send a message/text to say when I am leaving and when I have arrived. Traffic can be a nightmare as can public transport, so always make allowances. For the majority of my meets or socials people are generally on time or within a few minutes. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Social meet last night. He messaged me here to say he had parked and was walking down the road, arrived just after "
Its always nice when an arranged meet turns up. It shouldn't be the exception, it should be the norm! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No excuse (op). You could of found a safe place to pull-over & let the man know you were running late. You should of gave the gentleman a phone call. This is another version of being branded a (no show/time waster) on, FAB. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Social meet last night. He messaged me here to say he had parked and was walking down the road, arrived just after
Its always nice when an arranged meet turns up. It shouldn't be the exception, it should be the norm!"
It should be yes. Also, it is not easy for him to get out but he does it. |
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"I recently went to meet a guy some miles away in a public place. About 45 minute drive in the pissing rain. I was 15 minutes late and he had gone.
I wont use a phone when im driving so couldnt let him know i was running late!
Would you have given it a bit longer as so many miles involved? "
Its his loss you look stunning |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
If 15 minutes is too long to wait - whether you're male/female or a couple - if question peoples levels of patience and expectancy.
Yes a phone call would be nice, but there are many who don't exchange numbers and who arrange meets via here. Hard to let people know you're a few minutes late if you've no signal.
I bet if a family member/vanilla friend was 15 mins late and hadn't made contact people wouldn't get up and leave. Why should it be different on here?
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I normally talk quite a while to people before meeting them. I always swap numbers as well and confirm earlier in the day everything is still going ahead.
I would wait about 15 mins before calling them. If I heard nothing within 10 mins I would leave.
I got stuck in traffic once on my way to Xtasia and was nearly an hour late. I let the person know before the agreed the time we were meeting. I was going to be late. Luckily she waited for me and all was good.
If you don't communicate you are always going to have a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble."
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops? 
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A"
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet."
What happens if they bring 10 friends to the local cafe? You are more safe than if the cafe is in the next town. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet.
What happens if they bring 10 friends to the local cafe? You are more safe than if the cafe is in the next town."
That doesn't make sense. If i show up at my local cafe and he has 10 friends, i leave. The difference in meeting somewhere you know is that you can immediatly get yourself out of the situation and get home. I read a thread on here the other day where a woman arranged to meet a guy in her car and he showed up with mates. She was scared and rightly so. Stuck in a car in the middle of a place she didn't know. I don't understand why there's any problem with being sensible about meeting total strangers in a safe and known environment. |
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet."
yes you have to smart enough to work out 10 people can't fit in a car  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet.
What happens if they bring 10 friends to the local cafe? You are more safe than if the cafe is in the next town.
That doesn't make sense. If i show up at my local cafe and he has 10 friends, i leave. The difference in meeting somewhere you know is that you can immediatly get yourself out of the situation and get home. I read a thread on here the other day where a woman arranged to meet a guy in her car and he showed up with mates. She was scared and rightly so. Stuck in a car in the middle of a place she didn't know. I don't understand why there's any problem with being sensible about meeting total strangers in a safe and known environment. "
The OP did not say she was meeting him in her car she said she was driving to the meet.
Of course you have to be concerned with safety I get that. You did say you would meet someone at a local bar or coffee shop right?
The point I am making is if you meet someone at a local coffee shop. Or a coffee shop 15 miles away if they are dodgy you are no safer. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet."
Sorry - but men do too.
Will it actually be a woman on arrival? Will she be sane and not carrying an axe in her bag?
Anyone, male or female is at the same risk when meeting strangers. But doing so in a public, neutral venue reduces the risk for both sexes.
I just don't get your 'I won't travel - he should' mentality?
A |
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet.
Sorry - but men do too.
Will it actually be a woman on arrival? Will she be sane and not carrying an axe in her bag?
Anyone, male or female is at the same risk when meeting strangers. But doing so in a public, neutral venue reduces the risk for both sexes.
I just don't get your 'I won't travel - he should' mentality?
A"
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble."
So you invite strange men into your home? Surely he could.just as easily bring 10 men with him there as well?! |
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I always use the rule of;
Early = On time
On time = late
Late = unacceptable
That is if there are no hiccups along the way - however, in this day and age, we have every facility under the sun to pre warn somebody we could be late. So the rule applies to an adjusted time…….. |
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Ah the end of the day the other person thought you were a no show and would have felt like a fool.
if you point them to this thread or apologise you can maybe make it happen again....might be worth it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
So you invite strange men into your home? Surely he could.just as easily bring 10 men with him there as well?!"
They said meet in a public place. |
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
So you invite strange men into your home? Surely he could.just as easily bring 10 men with him there as well?!
They said meet in a public place."
Oops missed that bit lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble."
I have travelled all over for first meets and can honestly say I have never got to one and had any worries at all. I take my time to arrange meets and again have gone straight to houses with no issues what so ever. I must be odd |
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
I have travelled all over for first meets and can honestly say I have never got to one and had any worries at all. I take my time to arrange meets and again have gone straight to houses with no issues what so ever. I must be odd "
not odd just honest and not in fear of a negative reaction from other forum users  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i waited half an hour last night for a bloke.i think thats long enough.he didnt show,nor message.and this morn he didnt even explain.so blocked reported and i move on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP how long would you wait for a guy if you heard nothing?"
I would get a coffee and wait 20 before starting to worry -30 then make a call consider they may be driving and give them a bit of time to respone or untill i realize that they are not coming |
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"i waited half an hour last night for a bloke.i think thats long enough.he didnt show,nor message.and this morn he didnt even explain.so blocked reported and i move on"
. . Had you spoken to him before setting off ?. If someone does note answer the phone immediately before I leave I don't go. I tell them this when arranging
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble."
Couldn't agree more
Sarah x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't drive. I use public transport so I make sure I leave in plenty of time as buses are unreliable. I only meet in my home town and have two places I meet. I feel safe in either of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i waited half an hour last night for a bloke.i think thats long enough.he didnt show,nor message.and this morn he didnt even explain.so blocked reported and i move on. . Had you spoken to him before setting off ?. If someone does note answer the phone immediately before I leave I don't go. I tell them this when arranging "
we had confirmed earlier in the day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble. Couldn't agree more
Sarah x"
I just don't get this , let's make the guys all jump through hoops malarkey. Still if it works for you that's all that matters , me I rather treat them as an equal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
I have travelled all over for first meets and can honestly say I have never got to one and had any worries at all. I take my time to arrange meets and again have gone straight to houses with no issues what so ever. I must be odd "
no you're not odd. That's how it works for me and I don't even do socials! I've never once felt at risk  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet.
What happens if they bring 10 friends to the local cafe? You are more safe than if the cafe is in the next town.
That doesn't make sense. If i show up at my local cafe and he has 10 friends, i leave. The difference in meeting somewhere you know is that you can immediatly get yourself out of the situation and get home. I read a thread on here the other day where a woman arranged to meet a guy in her car and he showed up with mates. She was scared and rightly so. Stuck in a car in the middle of a place she didn't know. I don't understand why there's any problem with being sensible about meeting total strangers in a safe and known environment.
The OP did not say she was meeting him in her car she said she was driving to the meet.
Of course you have to be concerned with safety I get that. You did say you would meet someone at a local bar or coffee shop right?
The point I am making is if you meet someone at a local coffee shop. Or a coffee shop 15 miles away if they are dodgy you are no safer."
Not true. If i meet someone in a place i know thats close to where i live and with staff who know me, i am much safer. I'm not sure why people seemed to have a problem with my very sensible post. Because i'm not prepared to put myself in danger by travelling miles to a place i don't know or refusing to meet somewhere that isnt public and well known to me? All i care about is my safety. If a guy has an issue with that i don't want to meet him anyway! I'm happy with my own safety measures thanks and i'll be sticking with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble.
Just out of interest - why should men have to approach things differently to women and be expected to put more effort in/jump through hoops?
A
Because single women are more vulnerable than men. I wouldn't meet someone in a car incase they bring 10 friends. I won't meet in a rivate place incase they bring 10 friends. I won't travel to a far away area incase they bring 10 freinds. As single women we have to be smart about where and who we meet. I'm not putting myself at risk for any meet.
What happens if they bring 10 friends to the local cafe? You are more safe than if the cafe is in the next town.
That doesn't make sense. If i show up at my local cafe and he has 10 friends, i leave. The difference in meeting somewhere you know is that you can immediatly get yourself out of the situation and get home. I read a thread on here the other day where a woman arranged to meet a guy in her car and he showed up with mates. She was scared and rightly so. Stuck in a car in the middle of a place she didn't know. I don't understand why there's any problem with being sensible about meeting total strangers in a safe and known environment.
The OP did not say she was meeting him in her car she said she was driving to the meet.
Of course you have to be concerned with safety I get that. You did say you would meet someone at a local bar or coffee shop right?
The point I am making is if you meet someone at a local coffee shop. Or a coffee shop 15 miles away if they are dodgy you are no safer.
Not true. If i meet someone in a place i know thats close to where i live and with staff who know me, i am much safer. I'm not sure why people seemed to have a problem with my very sensible post. Because i'm not prepared to put myself in danger by travelling miles to a place i don't know or refusing to meet somewhere that isnt public and well known to me? All i care about is my safety. If a guy has an issue with that i don't want to meet him anyway! I'm happy with my own safety measures thanks and i'll be sticking with them. "
I don't have a problem with your post but it strikes me as more selfish than sensible. Safety will always be an issue when meeting strangers.
Asking someone to wait somewhere while your still at home has nothing to do with safety.
This thread was about how long would you wait, for someone you are planning on making them wait from the start. Seems like you just trying to get one up on the person you meet.
A meet involves two people you seem to be thinking about yourself only though. I am not suggesting you change anything just looking at it from another point of view. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Not true. If i meet someone in a place i know thats close to where i live and with staff who know me, i am much safer. I'm not sure why people seemed to have a problem with my very sensible post. Because i'm not prepared to put myself in danger by travelling miles to a place i don't know or refusing to meet somewhere that isnt public and well known to me? All i care about is my safety. If a guy has an issue with that i don't want to meet him anyway! I'm happy with my own safety measures thanks and i'll be sticking with them. "
I have no problem with how you choose to meet. However swinging should be a reciprocal agreement. If you are going to set up enough trust to share an intimate experience like sex, then surely you should start off trusting them enough to actually turn up. At some point, if the social meet has gone as expected, you will be alone with that person, whether in their house, your house, or a hotel room, and you have to decide whether that's something you are comfortable with. Making it into some sort of competition where he has to do tasks is not going to make him any safer to be alone with really.
Also, the site FAQs does state that travelling miles to meet is risky, but others will make concessions to get meets, which is there choice. |
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"I'm just amazed women travel AT ALL to meets! There's no way i'd be travelling to meet someone, especially a first meet and i sure as hell wouldn't be meeting in a car! Get them to come to your area and meet you in a public cafe or bar. Then don't leave the house to meet them til they've called you from the meeting place. Then you don't get stood up and you don't have to travel and possibly get into all kinds of trouble. Couldn't agree more
Sarah x
I just don't get this , let's make the guys all jump through hoops malarkey. Still if it works for you that's all that matters , me I rather treat them as an equal. "
wish there was more with this attitude towards us guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At no point did i suggest a meet was like a competition but again, my safety precautions haven't let me down in the past so they work for me. As for 'jumping through hoops' if that's the way you see it so be it. I see it as being safe and sensible. I can't force a man to come meet me. He does it because he wants to. And if travelling to me is a problem then it's fine. We just don't meet. I'm sure all your ways of arranging meets are good for you and that's grand. We all get what we want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont drive but I nbormaly text them to say I'm leaving and when I get on the train I let them know the arrival time.
I would call them a cpl of hours to see oif they still want to meet and wait 30 mins if they were late.
Luckily I havent had any blowouts so far
But I make sure they are not a time waster by chatting for a while before meeting anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm yet to have a meet, only been on the site a few weeks and just finding my feet with it all.
However whenever I drive to meet friends etc I always leave early to allow for delays and always text when I'm leaving so they know roughly when to expect me, I think that's just common courtesy and I would have the same manners when I do meet someone from here.
I personally would have waited longer than 15 minutes or at least sent a text to see if you were ok and on your way but that was his perogative maybe based on past experiences.
And as someone else has pointed out, if this had been a man posting this he would have been completely shot down and chastised for being late and not communicating...same rules apply in my book."
This. |
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