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Pressure to perform?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been looking at some meets where full sex play is expected(fucking) on first meet.
Do some guys find it difficult to just get stuck in?"
Men can get quite apprehensive, even subconsciously and without realising it and it can affect ones ability to 'perform'
I'm almost afraid to admit that it has happened to me before, but, being of an analytical mindset, I was able to identify the cause and am happy to report that since doing so, have not been so afflicted.
That said, I have to say that others can be very understanding in such circumstances so there really is no need to get so worried about it - and thus, by knowing this, hopefully the pressure is reduced.
Over time, you will find what works best for you in meet situations.
Some people might want to get right down to it with little more than a 'hello' while others might like to 'break the ice' with a drink and / or a quick chat. |
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"Been looking at some meets where full sex play is expected(fucking) on first meet.
Do some guys find it difficult to just get stuck in?"
Beauty of choice: if you're worried, meet those that like a social meet first to break the ice. Just because someone suggests something you don't have to dance to their tune. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like many guys, I have on occasion found it less than easy to get hard and stay hard, much of the time this will be with a first time meet, and the uncertainty of knowing how well we'll connect sexually.
Once I am actually penetrating a woman however I've not had any problems maintaining an erection, there's something about that warm wetness that keeps the blood where it needs to be  |
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I often find it having trouble getting a hard on meeting ladies/couples and having to wear a condom sort of spoils the moment, been used to not having to wear 1 for last 15 years or so and it just isnt the same. I no its for your own health but its like owning a Rolls Royce then having to get used to driving a Ford Ka lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Although there's not the erection issue to worry about it...I'm sure some women get the same nerves and performance anxiety. One of the reasons I never promise anything from a first meet and usually just have a no expectations social! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Decide what you are comfortable with. Define it well and put it on your profile.
Make sure all prospective meets are told what you are looking for in advance so that no ones time is wasted
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if there is another bloke in the room then its a problem for a while. just takes a minute to rise to the occasion. but if the other guy nips out of the room for any reason, im instantly ready. Its not caused any problems during meets. yet.
its 100% sub conscious though. im always having a great time! |
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It is very much a sub conscious thing, many times we have met guys and they are ready for fun but when it comes down to it they struggle to keep an erection, often when the condom goes on. Once this happens it is very rare they can then do it because they are then over thinking. Part of the reason I (MrH) don't play is the pressure that is on the males to perform. Once it is in your head it is very difficult to shift it.
Very similar when it comes to comming, some guys pound away for ages and just can not come... The mind can be a cruel thing at times. |
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I'm glad I'm not the only one who has occasionally experienced some performancer related pressure, be it keeping hard or avoiding premature cumming.
It is definately a mind thing so to try and overcome/ignore it I use the full range of my repertoire and give lots of oral and finger fun until the pressure passes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its never happened to me personally, but have been at a couple of gb's where others failed to get an erection. I think it can happen a lot, but if the couple you are playing with understand, especially if its your first time with a couple, then they should be able to relax and reassure you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm glad I'm not the only one who has occasionally experienced some performancer related pressure, be it keeping hard or avoiding premature cumming.
It is definately a mind thing so to try and overcome/ignore it I use the full range of my repertoire and give lots of oral and finger fun until the pressure passes. "
but with me you stand up hard well and throbbing  |
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"I'm glad I'm not the only one who has occasionally experienced some performancer related pressure, be it keeping hard or avoiding premature cumming.
It is definately a mind thing so to try and overcome/ignore it I use the full range of my repertoire and give lots of oral and finger fun until the pressure passes.
but with me you stand up hard well and throbbing "
Thanks, I do now that I'm over my initial performance worries with you  |
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Many years ago when I first started swinging I used to get very nervous but as I've been swinging for over ten years it's not a problem anymore thankfully
As somebody mentioned perhaps a social meet first might stop the nerves
Personally I find the whole scenario of meeting someone for the first time knowing you are going to fuck them very erotic . Enjoy ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I often find it having trouble getting a hard on meeting ladies/couples and having to wear a condom sort of spoils the moment, been used to not having to wear 1 for last 15 years or so and it just isnt the same. I no its for your own health but its like owning a Rolls Royce then having to get used to driving a Ford Ka lol"
I would rather drive past the clap clinic in a ka than park there in a Rolls Royce |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is very much a sub conscious thing, many times we have met guys and they are ready for fun but when it comes down to it they struggle to keep an erection, often when the condom goes on. Once this happens it is very rare they can then do it because they are then over thinking. Part of the reason I (MrH) don't play is the pressure that is on the males to perform. Once it is in your head it is very difficult to shift it.
Very similar when it comes to comming, some guys pound away for ages and just can not come... The mind can be a cruel thing at times."
Exactly this for me too . When we started swinging I was as up for getting into swapping and getting actively involved as my wife was . As time went by i began to enjoy taking a back seat more than actually playing as the pressure was not on me so to speak . I now accept that this approach works well , and rarely choose to play ( other than with myself ) during meets . Subsequently I have no problems staying hard and cum with no issues at all . So its all good |
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It happened to both of us when we first started swinging. I (he) would go up and down like a yo yo and my partner would go dry. It's all in the head and down to focusing on the mechanics and not letting ourselves go in the moment. Although there's pressure on men to be hard, some women struggle with lubrication and orgasms for the same reasons. Some people can just perform with and around strangers naturally, other have to work at it. The secret is to give your cock permission not to get hard, the less you care about performance, the more likely everything will function |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Been looking at some meets where full sex play is expected(fucking) on first meet.
Do some guys find it difficult to just get stuck in?"
Haha no. If anything it breaks the ice once you get going |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like many guys, I have on occasion found it less than easy to get hard and stay hard, much of the time this will be with a first time meet, and the uncertainty of knowing how well we'll connect sexually.
Once I am actually penetrating a woman however I've not had any problems maintaining an erection, there's something about that warm wetness that keeps the blood where it needs to be "
 |
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