FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How to tell someone you met before you don't wanna meet again.
How to tell someone you met before you don't wanna meet again.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi, we've been on here before and met a few couples... The problem is, we didn't have a great time with them for a few reasons and don't wish to meet them again. We're still looking for that great couple that we gel with both sexually and socially...
Two couples we met before, are now asking to meet again and we don't really know how to break it to them that it wasn't the experience we were after and don't wish to repeat it. Obviously we verified them saying we played and it was good (because it was, just not mind blowing). We didn't really let on at the time that it wasn't the best experience, it was more in a reflective discussion between us both after. Just like "well we liked this, but not this, so maybe we should look for someone else who wants to do the bits we did enjoy but not he bits we didnt" if you get what I mean.
I feel a total bitch saying this cause obviously they would take it personally because honestly it is personal. Should we just block and move on? I only worry because obviously they have our numbers, now know our real names and roughly where we live and the area we work (because we accom and generally talk when we meet people). What if they get really offended and try giving us a hard time? The longer we keep pretending like we're interested the worse were making It. Atm we're just involved in general chit chat with them and avoiding answering questions about when we're free.
Hope they don't see this also and get angry/upset. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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O.K - I recently played with a couple as part of a Bi MMF threesome. Mindblowing and something I would like to try again. However I only wanked him, rather than sucking him which I think disappointed them rather. When I left they said we should exchange verifications and we should meet again because they were impressed with me.
The next morning I found that I was blocked. - Not a good thing to happen!
Reminds me of losing my virginity to a one night stand, and being led on by the girl, then her not communicating to me.
The problem is unclear communication!
What you need to do is to communicate just what you said in your post - You had a good time, but you don't want to meet them again (Be assertive - it's not aggressive or passive to say that). It's understandable that they might feel disappointed, but if they respect you they should be O.K with how you feel.
So maybe this thread is about letting people down gently? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just man up and be honest with them which I'm sure they would rather you'd be. Say you enjoyed their company but you don't think they are what you're looking for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"O.K - I recently played with a couple as part of a Bi MMF threesome. Mindblowing and something I would like to try again. However I only wanked him, rather than sucking him which I think disappointed them rather. When I left they said we should exchange verifications and we should meet again because they were impressed with me.
The next morning I found that I was blocked. - Not a good thing to happen!
Reminds me of losing my virginity to a one night stand, and being led on by the girl, then her not communicating to me.
The problem is unclear communication!
What you need to do is to communicate just what you said in your post - You had a good time, but you don't want to meet them again (Be assertive - it's not aggressive or passive to say that). It's understandable that they might feel disappointed, but if they respect you they should be O.K with how you feel.
So maybe this thread is about letting people down gently?"
Yeah I guess it is. I've been leaning towards giving the exact reasons why we don't feel able to play again but I guess it doesn't matter in the end. As long as we're all on the same page about where we go from here the reasons are unimportant. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The cowardly way, and it's worked for us is to be non-commital about meeting again and hope they take the hint. I think it's difficult if there was nothing overly wrong with the meet but you just don;t want to repeat it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi, we've been on here before and met a few couples... The problem is, we didn't have a great time with them for a few reasons and don't wish to meet them again. We're still looking for that great couple that we gel with both sexually and socially...
Two couples we met before, are now asking to meet again and we don't really know how to break it to them that it wasn't the experience we were after and don't wish to repeat it. Obviously we verified them saying we played and it was good (because it was, just not mind blowing). We didn't really let on at the time that it wasn't the best experience, it was more in a reflective discussion between us both after. Just like "well we liked this, but not this, so maybe we should look for someone else who wants to do the bits we did enjoy but not he bits we didnt" if you get what I mean.
I feel a total bitch saying this cause obviously they would take it personally because honestly it is personal. Should we just block and move on? I only worry because obviously they have our numbers, now know our real names and roughly where we live and the area we work (because we accom and generally talk when we meet people). What if they get really offended and try giving us a hard time? The longer we keep pretending like we're interested the worse were making It. Atm we're just involved in general chit chat with them and avoiding answering questions about when we're free.
Hope they don't see this also and get angry/upset."
. ..... So why put it on here then???
The mind just boggles
 |
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"i hope if they felt the same about you guys ..they would find a more gracious way to do it
They are new and asking for advice. How is that an issue?"
i would suggest not posting it on a public forum |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i hope if they felt the same about you guys ..they would find a more gracious way to do it
They are new and asking for advice. How is that an issue?
i would suggest not posting it on a public forum "
mr.... Agree lol 
Even put it on your profile!!!
Don't take offence we rarely meet anyone twice and to save confusion on our part a spring clean of meets and friends may occur  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just man up and be honest with them which I'm sure they would rather you'd be. Say you enjoyed their company but you don't think they are what you're looking for "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did it not occur to anyone to say, we didn't enjoy this n that so much.... could we leave that out next time.
It might be they only did the things, thinking it was what you wanted :\
I know I adapt a little depending on what the other parties like/dislike. But I'd rather someone was honest and said 'we've discussed it, we were uncomfortable with x y z, would omitting that be a problem for future meets?"
If they say yes...... mutual decline no hard feelings.
If they say no, not a problem, a potential meet & building friendship based on honesty & exploration |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Did it not occur to anyone to say, we didn't enjoy this n that so much.... could we leave that out next time.
It might be they only did the things, thinking it was what you wanted :\
I know I adapt a little depending on what the other parties like/dislike. But I'd rather someone was honest and said 'we've discussed it, we were uncomfortable with x y z, would omitting that be a problem for future meets?"
If they say yes...... mutual decline no hard feelings.
If they say no, not a problem, a potential meet & building friendship based on honesty & exploration"
I would have if it'd just been a case of we prefer this or that. Obviously I don't wanna slag anyone off but it was more a personality issue I guess. |
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Most people will accept a polite no thank you. All you needed to do was send a message saying " thanks very much but no thank you". There is no need to explain or justify even if they ask you to. You are worried that they have your number, presumably you have theirs, what do you think they will do?
If it were me I would much prefer a simple polite message to reading all about it in the forum including the fact that you feel I might be so offended that I would take revenge in some way. If they have read this you have probably solved the problem anyway.
Discretion works both ways. |
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"Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol"
not fussy sod at all simply choosy we have had same situations ourselves, we tend to just come clean and say sorry just not right chemistry there  |
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"Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol"
Why are you so worried about telling them but more than happy to broadcast it to all the forum readers?
People have met us and don't want to meet us again but they pay us the courtesy of telling us privately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol
Why are you so worried about telling them but more than happy to broadcast it to all the forum readers?
People have met us and don't want to meet us again but they pay us the courtesy of telling us privately."
As they should |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey Passion  It's absolutely every couple's right to say when enough is enough with any extra-marital relationship. If you need an
excuse just say you have a rule of not meeting the same couples more than once or twice, depending upon how many times you've met them.
And...hmmm how do I say this without sounding too sleazy lol  You've got a gorgeous avatar  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready |
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"Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready "
there was a whole thread about that recently. Some people feel its only polite to give a reason or excuse for saying no which is their prerogative of course. However when it leads to things like this where huge offence could be given I think the effect is the exact opposite of polite. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I shouldn't worry they are unlikely to want to meet either if they read this. "
i was going to suggest sending them this link and telling them to take the hint |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready "
In relation to my post. If a couple does have a rule about not meeting the same couple more than once or twice then this is not an excuse or a lie... it's a rule that others should respect and observe 
Swinging is full of rules which couples set up that might seem odd to others. The important thing is not to ridicule them but simply accept them as part of it all. Lots of couples seem paranoid about falling in love with others so they set up all sorts of rules. That's just the way it is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just be honest!
I dont think any of us on here like being mis-led or messed about.
Better to just tell the truth and make your feelings clear than potentially lead someone one who will ultimately think youre a timewaster.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What i don't get is
and some may call me cynical here
but they say they met these couples who have been ok but not great but verified them anyway, yet not a single person they have met has verified them back 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What i don't get is
and some may call me cynical here
but they say they met these couples who have been ok but not great but verified them anyway, yet not a single person they have met has verified them back
"
I think, reading between the lines, they left the site and joined again. They would've presumably lost their previous membership's verifications in the process
I could, of course, be wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What i don't get is
and some may call me cynical here
but they say they met these couples who have been ok but not great but verified them anyway, yet not a single person they have met has verified them back
I think, reading between the lines, they left the site and joined again. They would've presumably lost their previous membership's verifications in the process
I could, of course, be wrong "
i read it as that too
but i would have thought someone you had previously met who wanted to catch your attention again would re verify you, at least one of them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe you need to reflect on your whole approach. If you are worried about people having your numbers and address, then maybe you should not share those until you know people better. Perhaps use a hotel until you are sure you want to see them again.
Your posting on here, where there is a risk of the couples seeing it, and not being up front with them, or even thinking they would automatically react badly, I find very unsavoury.
Good luck with your journey and msybe rethink your whole approach. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol"
This surely is the easier one to deal with. Both need to be on side. Couples should understand this. Just don't be drawn on which of you has the reservations nor on which of the other couple one of you doesn't feel the buzz for! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready
In relation to my post. If a couple does have a rule about not meeting the same couple more than once or twice then this is not an excuse or a lie... it's a rule that others should respect and observe
Swinging is full of rules which couples set up that might seem odd to others. The important thing is not to ridicule them but simply accept them as part of it all. Lots of couples seem paranoid about falling in love with others so they set up all sorts of rules. That's just the way it is "
I said the bit about lies because someone said "make the excuse you don't meet more than once" If that's not a persons rule, then it's a lie.
I would never ridicule anyone's 'rules" we all have them and it's shit to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that given how intimate we all intend to be with other people, then honesty, politeness and maturity are the order of the day.
If there is no sexual connection, then telling the other couple as soon as possible, is the absolute best way.
We like to meet socially, then chat about it in the cold light of day. Less chance of making snap decisions after a few glasses of wine!
And treated kindly, hopefully no offence will be taken.
And new friends will be made.
x |
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"Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready
In relation to my post. If a couple does have a rule about not meeting the same couple more than once or twice then this is not an excuse or a lie... it's a rule that others should respect and observe
Swinging is full of rules which couples set up that might seem odd to others. The important thing is not to ridicule them but simply accept them as part of it all. Lots of couples seem paranoid about falling in love with others so they set up all sorts of rules. That's just the way it is "
Totally agree just state your rule and its for others to respect, but without such they can not expect to read minds and giving excuses and certain vibes is transparent to others, be honest with yourself and others. Re paranoia lots couple have such even in communication. When on here as a couple before 80% communication and being pro-active was male led even in a bi-fem situation. On that basis the male being thick skinned will except your rationale. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think honesty is the best policy. If you didn't gel with them, then say so. After all, not everyone's going to be someone else's cup of tea, even if you have played with them before.
Besides, it would be ludicrous to expect mind blowing sex with everyone you meet. People should understand that sex can be good but not great, and therefore they might not always get asked back for a repeat performance.
Be polite though - but if they don't accept it and get abusive, then block them.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What i don't get is
and some may call me cynical here
but they say they met these couples who have been ok but not great but verified them anyway, yet not a single person they have met has verified them back
"
It's a new profile. We're not gonna go asking them for verification if we don't wanna meet them again. Might as well start a fresh. The others we met have either left the site or we have lost all contact with.
Not that I feel the need to prove ourselves Genuine or anything. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready
In relation to my post. If a couple does have a rule about not meeting the same couple more than once or twice then this is not an excuse or a lie... it's a rule that others should respect and observe
Swinging is full of rules which couples set up that might seem odd to others. The important thing is not to ridicule them but simply accept them as part of it all. Lots of couples seem paranoid about falling in love with others so they set up all sorts of rules. That's just the way it is
I said the bit about lies because someone said "make the excuse you don't meet more than once" If that's not a persons rule, then it's a lie.
I would never ridicule anyone's 'rules" we all have them and it's shit to"
We wouldn't lie anyway. We do want to meet a regular couple. It says that on our profile but that does make it all the more important that we have the right chemistry. You can social with someone a hundred times but until you get in the sack you never really know how you're gonna get along sexually. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why does everyone have to lie or make excuses.? Also makes me wonder if people have dilemmas and worry about certain things on here~why are they doing it? Don't think they are ready
In relation to my post. If a couple does have a rule about not meeting the same couple more than once or twice then this is not an excuse or a lie... it's a rule that others should respect and observe
Swinging is full of rules which couples set up that might seem odd to others. The important thing is not to ridicule them but simply accept them as part of it all. Lots of couples seem paranoid about falling in love with others so they set up all sorts of rules. That's just the way it is
I said the bit about lies because someone said "make the excuse you don't meet more than once" If that's not a persons rule, then it's a lie.
I would never ridicule anyone's 'rules" we all have them and it's shit to
We wouldn't lie anyway. We do want to meet a regular couple. It says that on our profile but that does make it all the more important that we have the right chemistry. You can social with someone a hundred times but until you get in the sack you never really know how you're gonna get along sexually."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Simple "thanks had fun the other night, looking to meet others so will be in touch if we want to meet again"
Or go for the jugular and say "it was a bit shit! Don't message again" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Or if accommodating, could say you are only interested in one off meets? That way, the onus is on you to re-initiate contact should you want to meet again and anyone one you don't contact again won't be offended as you didn't imply you would anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi, we've been on here before and met a few couples... The problem is, we didn't have a great time with them for a few reasons and don't wish to meet them again. We're still looking for that great couple that we gel with both sexually and socially...
Two couples we met before, are now asking to meet again and we don't really know how to break it to them that it wasn't the experience we were after and don't wish to repeat it. Obviously we verified them saying we played and it was good (because it was, just not mind blowing). We didn't really let on at the time that it wasn't the best experience, it was more in a reflective discussion between us both after. Just like "well we liked this, but not this, so maybe we should look for someone else who wants to do the bits we did enjoy but not he bits we didnt" if you get what I mean.
I feel a total bitch saying this cause obviously they would take it personally because honestly it is personal. Should we just block and move on? I only worry because obviously they have our numbers, now know our real names and roughly where we live and the area we work (because we accom and generally talk when we meet people). What if they get really offended and try giving us a hard time? The longer we keep pretending like we're interested the worse were making It. Atm we're just involved in general chit chat with them and avoiding answering questions about when we're free.
Hope they don't see this also and get angry/upset."
I've only had a few where I haven't wanted to meet again, I had to tell them otherwise it would have been numerous messaging and me feeling like you do. just be honest with them in a nice way. we are all adults here. good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you dont want to meet you just need to be honest and polite and good luck
This "
Speaking from personal experience, some people can't take rejection, no matter how nicely or thoughtfully given, which can be dangerous if you've accommodated.
One of the reasons we don't accommodate now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What i don't get is
and some may call me cynical here
but they say they met these couples who have been ok but not great but verified them anyway, yet not a single person they have met has verified them back
"
lol well maybe they are in hiding . Some do that here as real players. They keep it all under wraps . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When we had our other profile the way we got round this problem was to say we never meet same people a 2nd time"
Yes but what about the ones you wish to keep meeting again and again may put them off .. ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In swinging you have to be honest. No means No! Just say its been fun but we think its time to move on with this adventure. Im sure our paths willl cross at some point till then happy swinging. Then that way your being respectful and you will get respect. You dont have to go into whys dos and donts. Good luck xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we had a meet like this - met and straight after still on a sexy high said how good it was - next day chatting about things and some stuff didnt sit so well - you dont have to give precise reasons just a polite no more message - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol"
if this is the case its simple - especially as it was just a social meet - say not what youre looking for - we have a no meet agreement unless we both like |
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"In swinging you have to be honest. No means No! Just say its been fun but we think its time to move on with this adventure. Im sure our paths willl cross at some point till then happy swinging. Then that way your being respectful and you will get respect. You dont have to go into whys dos and donts. Good luck xxx "
I think of all the responses this is probably best.
It's really difficult as no decent person wants to hurt someone else's feelings.
D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How about saying..
Thank you but........"it wasn't the experience we were after and don't wish to repeat it"
Better than causing friction by keeping people hanging on for yes replies that arent coming.  |
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"Hi, we've been on here before and met a few couples... The problem is, we didn't have a great time with them for a few reasons and don't wish to meet them again. We're still looking for that great couple that we gel with both sexually and socially...
Two couples we met before, are now asking to meet again and we don't really know how to break it to them that it wasn't the experience we were after and don't wish to repeat it. Obviously we verified them saying we played and it was good (because it was, just not mind blowing). We didn't really let on at the time that it wasn't the best experience, it was more in a reflective discussion between us both after. Just like "well we liked this, but not this, so maybe we should look for someone else who wants to do the bits we did enjoy but not he bits we didnt" if you get what I mean.
I feel a total bitch saying this cause obviously they would take it personally because honestly it is personal. Should we just block and move on? I only worry because obviously they have our numbers, now know our real names and roughly where we live and the area we work (because we accom and generally talk when we meet people). What if they get really offended and try giving us a hard time? The longer we keep pretending like we're interested the worse were making It. Atm we're just involved in general chit chat with them and avoiding answering questions about when we're free.
Hope they don't see this also and get angry/upset."
. No need to justify as to why you do not wish to meet again. I would just say that you enjoyed the experience and have no desire to meet again . Any with manners and common sense accepts a no and moves on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In swinging you have to be honest. No means No! Just say its been fun but we think its time to move on with this adventure. Im sure our paths willl cross at some point till then happy swinging. Then that way your being respectful and you will get respect. You dont have to go into whys dos and donts. Good luck xxx "
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"In swinging you have to be honest. No means No! Just say its been fun but we think its time to move on with this adventure. Im sure our paths willl cross at some point till then happy swinging. Then that way your being respectful and you will get respect. You dont have to go into whys dos and donts. Good luck xxx "
This
We would rather people be honest with us if they don't want to meet again.
Same as we are honest with others... |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I don't often meet people twice. Probably a small handful of people I do mert again. Thats just the way it is for me and how I like it.
I would say that it was great meeting them but there are so many people I still want to meet so not looking to meet again. Then wishthem all the best x |
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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago
Pleasuretown |
"Well I've told one of the couples now. Just said it was a pleasure meeting and playing but in the long run not what we're looking for. Still reluctant with the other. It was only a social meet but it's a case of me being interested but my partner isn't. Fussy sod lol
Why are you so worried about telling them but more than happy to broadcast it to all the forum readers?
People have met us and don't want to meet us again but they pay us the courtesy of telling us privately."
This |
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