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what would you do?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Your in a club with your girlfriend and another guy starts to touch her. No one stops it and after a short while she walks away.
you a fuming inside at the lack of trust and are angry that she didn't stop the man touching her.
what do you do?
forgive and forget, you love her and shes worth it? Accept it was a misunderstanding? Insist on working on things so it doesn't happen again? Have a break from swinging? Insist that you get to have sex with someone and make her watch?
how far would you react on this?
if you were the girl, what would you think or do to make things right? |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
she walked away and you said nothng at the time. if you had agreed ground rules and they were broken, speak about it.
as for you have sex with someone and make her watch: really ? |
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Was this a swinging club? In the public area or private room? It's hard to answer your questions without some more context.
However, I would definitely say that you need to discuss and agree your boundaries before your next visit. |
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Bounderies should be set before hand, did he ask her if he could touch? if not he was out of order. Perhaps she did not want to cause a scene. either way you need to talk to eachother. Tit for Tat is not the way forward.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your in a club with your girlfriend and another guy starts to touch her. No one stops it and after a short while she walks away.
you a fuming inside at the lack of trust and are angry that she didn't stop the man touching her.
what do you do?
forgive and forget, you love her and shes worth it? Accept it was a misunderstanding? Insist on working on things so it doesn't happen again? Have a break from swinging? Insist that you get to have sex with someone and make her watch?
how far would you react on this?
if you were the girl, what would you think or do to make things right? "
What were your agreed boundaries prior to your club visit? If she has stepped outside of those, it really needs discussing in a non emotional way just what both of your thoughts are about it and how it's making you feel, without blame or recriminations
And as to the making her watch you fuck someone else? Do you really think that is going to make things better? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you guys had not spoken about boundaries before visiting a club then how were either of you supposed to know what each of you accepted?? you would be better off spending a bit more time speaking between yourselves before you ask an open forum  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you guys had not spoken about boundaries before visiting a club then how were either of you supposed to know what each of you accepted?? you would be better off spending a bit more time speaking between yourselves before you ask an open forum "
Very much ~this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly. "
I'd open the door and tell him to fuck the fuck off.
Sounds like a shit relationship. No-one needs those kind of issues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As for the OP it totally depends on your boundaries as a couple. It sounds like she has to ask for permission before she does anything. If that is what is agreed then she has broken that trust.
It isn't right or wrong as long as you are both happy with the rules. If one of you is not happy it won't work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Obviously she was enjoying it ,which is why you're there I assume. Unless you specifically stated beforehand no one is allowed to touch her your silence gave her permission. Saying you will make her watch you is words of a vengeful bully. I would leave if you gave me the choice of watch or leave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly. "
Leave, why would you want to be in a messed up relationship like that? |
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By *adgodCouple
over a year ago
Greensburg |
This sounds like an attempt at justification to have sex with another woman even though it is not within the relationship rules. Blatantly. This is pure manipulation of another, and certainly not fair based on what you have described. How is some brief touching equal to making someone watch you have sex with another? Seems cruelly over the top and controlling. Not justified at all. Although I agree with other posters, more clarification oftthe situation is required here for proper advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly.
I'd open the door and tell him to fuck the fuck off.
Sounds like a shit relationship. No-one needs those kind of issues. "
So true  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly. "
Honestly, if he was to give me that kind of ultimatum...let him leave... |
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly. "
I'd pack his bags for him and he'd be out the door before he knew what was happening.
- Amy. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly.
Id pack his bag for him, tell him to grow up and phone him a cab!"
Ditto and tell him mind the door doesn't hit his arse on the way out. |
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Seriously though, this sounds massively messed up.
1) Did you agree on set boundaries before attending said club?
2) You say she didn't stop him but then she walked away. Without giving us clarification, how do we know she wanted or enjoyed being touched? She may have not said anything as she didn't want to cause a scene and she may be wondering why YOU didn't stop him.
3) We would take time out, discuss how we felt and either pack it in or set new boundaries that we are both comfortable with. I thought that was common sense.
4) "Make her watch you sleep with someone else" - REALLY? How does a possibly unwanted touch equate to fucking someone else and on what planet is this going to make the situation better?
Quite frankly it sounds petty and spiteful and, to me, is on the verges of emotional blackmail and bullying.
I think you seriously need to take a step back and look at your relationship and the situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you guys had not spoken about boundaries before visiting a club then how were either of you supposed to know what each of you accepted?? you would be better off spending a bit more time speaking between yourselves before you ask an open forum "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly. "
I'd leave him as this post only confirms my fears from the opening post.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly.
I'd open the door and tell him to fuck the fuck off.
Sounds like a shit relationship. No-one needs those kind of issues. "
destuctive,controlling,manipulative  |
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly.
Id pack his bag for him, tell him to grow up and phone him a cab!"
And I would help I think it best you both stop till you know what rules your playing by you got a gob you should have said on your bike mate she may have thought one you want to see that or two shewwas too scared to say anything I have been at clubs where the females allost been told by their other half's that it was swinging or the guy was out of the relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly.
Id pack his bag for him, tell him to grow up and phone him a cab! And I would help I think it best you both stop till you know what rules your playing by you got a gob you should have said on your bike mate she may have thought one you want to see that or two shewwas too scared to say anything I have been at clubs where the females allost been told by their other half's that it was swinging or the guy was out of the relationship "
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Wow if you aint totaly tight as a couple, plus open , honest and able to communicate with each other on all levels, your swinging experiences together , will just go from Drama to Drama! ( you will then be avoided totaly, as others don't like to be involved in peoples domestics!)
There are the odd few who will clock this between you both and act far from respectfull and be happy to take the piss, IF you don't show a united front! Your relationship will deffinatly suffer too ... Nothing is worth that surly?
Done right it us an amazing experience to swing as a couple.  All sould be discussed before you go to a club and experiences spoken about after... Then boundries etc may over time alter, because you both agree on all.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Girls - if the options were let him fuck someone else or he will leave... What would you do. Honestly. "
The door is that way. Did you not discuss boundaries etc before hand. That seems to be a very tit for tat immature attitude you have there. You make it sound like shes in the wrong and needs punishing. She needs to get rid of you. Quickly! |
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"
"Make her watch you sleep with someone else" - REALLY? How does a possibly unwanted touch equate to fucking someone else and on what planet is this going to make the situation better?
Quite frankly it sounds petty and spiteful and, to me, is on the verges of emotional blackmail and bullying.
I think you seriously need to take a step back and look at your relationship and the situation."
I agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your in a club with your girlfriend and another guy starts to touch her. No one stops it and after a short while she walks away.
you a fuming inside at the lack of trust and are angry that she didn't stop the man touching her.
what do you do?
forgive and forget, you love her and shes worth it? Accept it was a misunderstanding? Insist on working on things so it doesn't happen again? Have a break from swinging? Insist that you get to have sex with someone and make her watch?
how far would you react on this?
if you were the girl, what would you think or do to make things right? "
Its probably a discussion you should have had before going to a club if honest. |
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