FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Scared to meet anyone..
Scared to meet anyone..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So here goes, I've been on here over a week, and a lot of people aren't my type, I have standards to the kind of person I'd like to meet, I get inundated with messages daily, men, women n couples, I hate the idea of them not being who they seem, of it being all words, they don't look like their pics, no physical or sexual attraction? what if they hurt me or something??? Also I'm bi-curious but I do even know where to begin ??? So help? Am I alone in thinking this. Sorry to have to ask..
Please don't bash me I'm 23 n inexperienced so please take that into account. |
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I know exactly where you are coming from on this..
Personally I find good clubs are better as for me it feels more natural. You can chat to who you want to...like in any social situation but I find it less pressured than meeting for one on one off here. But that's just a personal feeling.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is something we can relate to.....still! The best advice I feel, would be to simply make it clear that a 'social' meet would be your initial limits...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately you ARE going to be inundated with messages, you are an attractive single woman on a swingers site.
Again, sometimes people are going to tell lies, some will have 10 or 20 year old pics, some will be all talk....... Some people who are true aren't going to spark with you.
I would hope that no one will hurt you (I've never heard of it happening), but there might be a risk of that.....
Answers.........
You aren't under any obligation to meet anyone.
You aren't under any obligation to play with anyone you meet.
If you do meet someone and they turn out to have been full of shit you can leave. There and then. Most people would encourage you to.
Always take a phone with you and have a friend call you after 30 mins or so. I've met several people on one to one meets who have had friends call up to check that they were ok etc sometimes it's interrupted a blow job, but I've not minded. Always meet in a public place for a social drink before deciding to play. If you get a bad vibe or feel scared, just leave. There and Then. The person you are meeting might get arsey, but you don't owe anything to anyone.
As a lot of people have said, there are clubs to go to where the staff are always very welcoming and will back you up to the hilt, or there are organised social meets where, again, the organisers will be happy to take care of you. Some people on the forums don't like them, but the chat rooms are good fun too and people will back you up (and, like the forums, most people in there are regulars and will steer you clear of known pervs and nutters)......
Hope you start to feel like playing and that you enjoy yourself when you do (and not just because you are just down the road from me ) |
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By *jandjbCouple
over a year ago
Nr Manchester |
We understand how difficult it is to take the first steps. The club we go to the most is Cupids but on this occasion we might recommend that you look at attending the social at Amour on a Sunday. |
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Please don't take this the wrong way but your profile looks like a dim-doms wet dream. By this I mean that every HNG that has read 50 Shades of Shite will be beating a path to your inbox telling you what a fantastic dom they are.
A swinging site really isn't the best place for a newbie bdsm'er to start meeting people. You are lucky in that the NW area has some fantastic bdsm clubs and munches and I'd suggest going to a munch which will give you a chance to meet other submissives and talk about what you want in a safe environment. |
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We all have standards.
As others have said meet socially, go to a club and put filters in place to limit messages.
Your time here will be much easier than for a man your age but ultimately you need to work out if this is the right place for you if you have doubts or fears.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But I wouldn't know where to start with clubs either, I feel lost lmao!!  "
Your in Manchester which had loads of clubs to choose from.
We wanted to try a club for ages and decided to go one night on the spur of the moment and never looked back
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"So here goes, I've been on here over a week, and a lot of people aren't my type, I have standards to the kind of person I'd like to meet, I get inundated with messages daily, men, women n couples, I hate the idea of them not being who they seem, of it being all words, they don't look like their pics, no physical or sexual attraction? what if they hurt me or something??? Also I'm bi-curious but I do even know where to begin ??? So help? Am I alone in thinking this. Sorry to have to ask..
Please don't bash me I'm 23 n inexperienced so please take that into account."
you've said a bit of what you are into, but nothing about the type of person - build, local, educated, or if you are looking for couples.
Be a little more active and look for people and message them?
Women get a lot of mails anyway - but it may help cut down if you had a type spelled out. Didn't look for age range - but filters will help this too.
(try to look for those that are well verified too, means they are genuine and will more than likely turn up and be relaxed with it) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to do what ever makes you feel comfortable we all had to start some where and yes I can be hard to spot fakes but with a little patience hopefully you will meet someone who makes you feel at ease x |
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1. You are in control of who you meet; who you fuck with and who you don't fuck with - whatever some guys on fab will say (wannabe doms !).
2. Take control, find a profile and a guy you like the look of, either as a one to one meet or a club visit, and message them. (my best meet ever was from a lady that saw my profile and messaged me- I was so flattered).
3. have a social meet first, somewhere public and have a chat over what you want, what he wants and find some common ground and rules. (everyone is different and you can always leg it if you have made a mistake- be honest with him).
4 if you get to the point of wanting to play, remember you are still in control, us single fellas know we are in a minority on fab and that you sexy young ladies can pick and choose !
5. find some to take you to a club who wont expect to play ! if you feel relaxed fine, play either with your escort or someone else.. I took a lady clubbing and she played with a lady from a couple and me and the guy just watched).
6 enjoy it !!!!
7. ignore the idiot messages and answer the ones that take your fancy, MOST men can tell the difference between a chat on fab and an offer to shag you .... admitted some can't.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have been on the site only a couple of weeks. Don't rush take your time talk to people get to know them maybe from messaging move on to a cam chat so you know they are who they say you are. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
All of the above. If meeting someone do as everyone has said. Meet in a bar where you can be seen. If you don't like a guy from his pic then say no thanks then block him. That saves him messaging you again and again. It saves your time and him.
Always speak to a guy on the phone before arranging to meet. Then decide from there if you are happy to meet still. If unsure you say no.
You do not have to meet anyone or do anything. It is your choice.
Send a guys number to a vanilla friend if you have arranged to mert or a female friend from fab. Tell her his profile name and mobile number so she has it. Contact her during the meet time to confirm all ok. |
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As previous posts have mentioned...you don't have to do ANYTHING you don't want to. You have the right to say no to anybody and any request.
Maybe you could try arranging a meet in a club with somebody you like on here, with the understanding of both parties that you are under no obligation to play if you don't want to. This way you could visit a club, learn the ropes and discover if it's for you or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's really scary being on here as a single woman. I've done it before and subsequently deleted my profile after 4 days because I couldn't handle the amount of messages and content of half of those messages. Just always make sure you're safe when meeting. Tell a close friend where you are and why and have a safe word to text then to come get you if you feel uncomfortable.
In other news we'd love to meet you haha. I wouldn't dare message you now you've said that but food for thought anyway. We're both young slim attractive and very normal. Here for friends as well as fun. If you do get your confidence up check us out.
But genuinely, don't let people on here scare you, we're all pussy cats really xx |
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» Add a new message to this topic
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We don't bite 
As others have suggested, try arranging socials in a safe public place if you're a bit paranoid. Probably best to meet couples first and verify they are a couple by talking to the woman on the phone before arranging a meet. Meeting couples for a no-play social in a public space should be fine and hopefully you'll meet some warm cuddly friendly people like us 
