FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Long dry spell and only one sexual partner in the past...

Long dry spell and only one sexual partner in the past...

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Getting straight to the point, I’m going through an almost three-year dry spell.

I tried to message people and still nothing. Also went out partying a time ago and nothing happened.

I just don’t know what to do know. I’m getting tired of trying and trying and trying again, partying with no results, sending kind and respectful messages and not even being replied. Showing a desperate character puts off girls, but people, almost three years is torturing me. I sometimes try to keep up a light of hope… but I end up taking a deep breath and sighing, envying all those people having regular and healthy sex life, wishing I could also have as much sex as them.

Besides, this long dry spell created insecurity in me, and lower my confidence. Only had one sexual partner in my life, so… what if the next time I have sex I cum prematurely? What if my sexual abilities decreased? How the hell could I improve if I don’t have anyone to have sex with? A fwb that never comes? No girls interested on having casual sex with me?

Something I don’t want to happen in the future is to end up as a 35+ year old man, registered to those porn sites and asking any women: “Hey, wanna fuck, cutie pie?” and having a dick pic in the profile picture. I don’t want to end up that way, I don’t; but if this continues… All those fantasies in my head, new experiences, the women I would've liked to have sex with, the sex parties, threesomes, orgies, making sex videos or uploading pics with a girl and posting them.

Every year that passes by, a year which is wasted for me. When my birthday comes, I always try to be as usual, the funny me, but deep inside my heart, nobody knows I’m suffering. And please don’t tell me I need a psychologist/counsellor because I don’t need it (and it’s expensive).

And when I watch porn to please myself, I may finish satisfied, but sometimes I end up worse than before. I lie down, thinking about my poor sexual life and cry, whilst wondering if this is going to end someday or not. Is or isn't it? ...

TL;DR: young inexperienced guy with a poor sexual life, doesn’t have as much sex as he desired and getting somehow depressed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have a look on the London Forum and in the meets section for any socials advertised. Get yourself noticed and above all, enjoy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thank you for the advice.

But don't you think it's really really hard for singles and inexperienced guys to succeed here? Because no one's interested. I mean, or most of the people look for: experienced, BBC, or couples or single women, not single men?

I don't think I'm very handsome, nor very unattractive, and I just can't understand this unfairness from the world or bad luck...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Getting straight to the point, I’m going through an almost three-year dry spell.

I tried to message people and still nothing. Also went out partying a time ago and nothing happened.

TL;DR: young inexperienced guy with a poor sexual life, doesn’t have as much sex as he desired and getting somehow depressed."
We hear your pain but wonder what your doing on a swingers site at 21 and in your present state,If i were you i would delete my account and go on a dating site in the hope of connecting with someone,this place for single men will just shatter your confidence even more and i can assure you no body on here is searching for guys who are in such a desperate state as yourself......btw Virgin till 20 here so why write yourself off

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Hello.

Reading your post I imagined that you were a lot older than 21. It's a myth that all men of your age are sexually experienced and the likelihood of you ending up at 35 as you describe is remote.

The bit in your profile about checking that people aren't thieves is insulting so I suggest you take it out.

The advice about socials is sound but difficult as it must feel to you right now you do need to attend these with.an optimistic attitude.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hello.

Reading your post I imagined that you were a lot older than 21. It's a myth that all men of your age are sexually experienced and the likelihood of you ending up at 35 as you describe is remote.

The bit in your profile about checking that people aren't thieves is insulting so I suggest you take it out.

The advice about socials is sound but difficult as it must feel to you right now you do need to attend these with.an optimistic attitude.

Good luck"
Yeah deffo insulting the part about thieves but serials killers is ok!!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Thank you for the advice.

I don't think I'm very handsome, nor very unattractive, and I just can't understand this unfairness from the world or bad luck... "

Life isn't fair. That is the only certainty apart from death and taxes.

If you have low self esteem coupled with a tendency to concentrate on the bad things in your life the other certainty on here is failure.

The single men who do best suck up the bad stuff, remain as optimistic as possible and join in positively. If you feel this isn't possible maybe take a little time to grow to like yourself before embarking on swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I tried to not look desperate in every message I sent and I did it. It's my state of mind which looks desperate.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Hello.

Reading your post I imagined that you were a lot older than 21. It's a myth that all men of your age are sexually experienced and the likelihood of you ending up at 35 as you describe is remote.

The bit in your profile about checking that people aren't thieves is insulting so I suggest you take it out.

The advice about socials is sound but difficult as it must feel to you right now you do need to attend these with.an optimistic attitude.

Good luckYeah deffo insulting the part about thieves but serials killers is ok!!"

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I tried to not look desperate in every message I sent and I did it. It's my state of mind which looks desperate. "

So tell us what you would like from this site.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I tried to not look desperate in every message I sent and I did it. It's my state of mind which looks desperate. "
Its the same mind your going to take to a prospective meet...we would be devastated meeting someone with your mindset ...the way you are its not worth you being here,go find a woman who wants you for you ,rejection is pushing you over the edge

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Remain positive/optimistic? I try it at least a little bit, but I don't know until when...

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By *amamanMan over a year ago

Inverness and around. ...

If things are so bad ..get yourself a call girl , it will keep you in practice ....save getting all worked up about premature ejaculation etc etc. ....just a thought

single guy on here almost a waste of time. ...just my opinion ...no offence meant. ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Remain positive/optimistic? I try it at least a little bit, but I don't know until when..."
You have been here 3 weeks.......its a short time ,your 21 well outside of most real swingers preferences

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I joined this site hoping to meet people, chat, share experiences and have fun, so I can recover my confidence which I'm losing. The lifestyle I wanted is just not happening.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been lucky enough to have had a few meets from this site. Lucky, is the word! Have also been lucky on other sites. Again lucky. I may get one reply in a 100 messages sent and that's probably a no thanks! It does take perseverance, in a nice way, and tough skin. I think people, especially men, think because its a sex site, meets come easily. They don't. Just keep being polite, only message those that are looking for someone like yourself and treat the site as a bit of fun, regardless of whether you meet anyone. I would suggest joining in on the forums, go into the chat rooms and show a side of you that perhaps your profile doesn't.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I joined this site hoping to meet people, chat, share experiences and have fun, so I can recover my confidence which I'm losing. The lifestyle I wanted is just not happening. "

You could find all that at a social.

The lifestyle I want isn't happening either so I make the most of the lifestyle I've got until I've made the one I want happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/08/14 17:32:20]

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

You don't sound very friendly. You threaten to prosecute anyone who copies your profile! Do you honestly think they would copy it? Especially as it's not working as you thought it might.....so why have the warning? You won't prosecute as you can't afford a counsellor, you sure as hell can't afford a lawyer. So why waste valuable profile and fab server space?

Put a profile photo up as an avatar not a boring silhouette. Who is gonna chat to a shadow? You're right! No one! But they might chat to a guy with a photo.

You're only 21. Your life has barely started. Be more positive and patient.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All I can say is that every single post you've put on this thread OP isn't going to help your cause one bit. It's all "poor me" and "woe is me" speaking for ourselves and many folk we've chatted to on here that's very off putting but good luck.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

May I suggest that crossed arms might be deemed a defensive and not very sexy body posture?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel your pain (a little). You are only 21, you have your whole life ahead of you. Try being single for 10 years and going without regular sex.

I really don't think this site is the place for you but I wish you all the best x

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

You've been here three weeks, you can't accommodate, and your age range is extremely narrow. You don't have any pics, and half your profile is a pointless legal warning that no-one will ever take seriously, and the site itself says is a waste of profile space. There is nothing on your profile worth stealing anyway - it doesn't tell me what you're like (apart from some very specific body measurements) and what you are looking for.

You have also pooh-poohed every suggestion sent your way. You just want a woman to say 'oh, alright then, I'll do you', and I have a suspicion that you could be the needy type.

Get to a social, get noticed, get known, and you'll be surprised how much easier it gets after that. Oh, and get some pics up, and maybe even get photo-verified. That means you'll show up on searches of people who block non-verified and will widen your choices.

proactive, not reactive. If I have to make an effort to get a meet on here, then a single bloke has to make a bit more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No worries, didn't offend me at all. The problem is I'm new in town and still don't know anyone. Never had a girl for a booty call either, neither a prostitute, that's NOT an option, hahahaha.

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By *each_PittWoman over a year ago

Belfast

I was exactly the same until earlier this year when I decided to just go for it and sign up to another site. I met up with a couple of people and it went no further than a polite kiss. When I finally re - broke my duck it was a total disaster but it gave me the nerve (and urge) to take it up a notch and join FAB.

I had my 1st meet the night of the day I joined and every one since has just got better and better and I'm slowly getting some confidence back. I've had tonnes of support on here and chat to some lovely people.

My only advice is to stay honest, don't take things too seriously and it'll all work out for you like it did for me. Be patient and not too full on and it will happen.

Peach_Pitt

(wish I'd sent this privately)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your 21 ! first suggestion would be delete your account from fab work hard all week and get out Friday and Saturday nights with people your own age down the clubs and bars.

You could try the swingers or sex clubs but again as a single lad your going to ripped off, but you may well get your leg over if your lucky.

We wish you well .

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

I'm confused as to why you are here when you state in your profile that you are keen to settle down.

You do come across as self deprecating and that's not a very attractive state to be in. My suggestion is to inject more positivity into your words because at the moment, all I read is negativity.

I also thought I was undesirable and running out of time at 21 so I married a bloke who worshipped me. I couldn't return that worship, we divorced and 27 years later I'm still single and having a ball.

Just go to a social, choose one that suits you carefully, give yourself a time limit so if you feel you don't fit, you don't have to stay until the bitter end. Just get out there!

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"No worries, didn't offend me at all. The problem is I'm new in town and still don't know anyone. Never had a girl for a booty call either, neither a prostitute, that's NOT an option, hahahaha. "

There's a few million people in London.... Why not re-write your profile in the meantime?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was exactly the same until earlier this year when I decided to just go for it and sign up to another site. I met up with a couple of people and it went no further than a polite kiss. When I finally re - broke my duck it was a total disaster but it gave me the nerve (and urge) to take it up a notch and join FAB.

My only advice is to stay honest, don't take things too seriously and it'll all work out for you like it did for me. Be patient and not too full on and it will happen.

Peach_Pitt

(wish I'd sent this privately)

"
To be fair a woman on here can get 3 meets a day so said advice prob wont work for him

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Once I have a job, I'll try to go outside. As you said, I may be kicked out in a swingers club, so I thought I should know someone to go with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Once I have a job, I'll try to go outside. As you said, I may be kicked out in a swingers club, so I thought I should know someone to go with.

"
Jesus mate your just not listening...........who in their right mind is going to take a 21 year old depressant to a swingers club,your hoping for miracles that arent going to happen....lower your expectations for christ sake

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't want to re-write my profile 'cause people may think I'm experienced or someone who's stuck up and no.

I'm honest. That's all, no lies.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"I don't want to re-write my profile 'cause people may think I'm experienced or someone who's stuck up and no.

I'm honest. That's all, no lies."

Ah, you're going to be one of those people who moan about not getting a meet without ever putting any effort in. Wish I hadn't bothered typing my first reply now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously

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By *razedcatMan over a year ago

London / Herts

I get where the OP is coming from. Young guys place a great deal of pressure on themselves and each other to be the alpha male; I.e. get plenty of sex or be emasculated, and die in a pit of self pity, isolation and frustration.

It's important not to take it so seriously. Young guys like us do have plenty of time. And crucially, you shouldn't be on a website like this for booty calls or pure NSA encounters. For instance, I'm young, but I'm on here partly because I believe monogamy is a social construct rather than a moral rule. Sex is something that can be enjoyed outside of love and committed relationships. My thinking is people with the same mindset will make good friends too

I had one partner between the ages of 17 and 22, and have recently finished a 7 month dry spell. Sure It's tough, but just keep remembering, You've got plenty of time!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Don't think I'm expecting to make it out the first time I'm going to a swingers club! Just visiting it for the first time may give me an idea, introduce me to the world (????????).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously"
Were starting to see the wood through the trees yes...its like educating pork,everything falls on deaf ears or its certainly one of the finest sympathy fuck threads weve ever seen..lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You somehow made me wow with your answer. I'm going to take a deep breath and well, see what happens in the near future.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously"

Definitely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

.__. well that "educating pork" thing hurt a bit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Of course I've put effort in every message I'd sent to tome people here!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course I've put effort in every message I'd sent to tome people here!!"
listenings the key and acting on it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No, it isn't, sir.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course I've put effort in every message I'd sent to tome people here!!"

But have you put effort in to your profile?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously"

Yes after typing several helpful replies I've realised that this is someone who is royally taking the Mick.

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By *each_PittWoman over a year ago

Belfast

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously

Yes after typing several helpful replies I've realised that this is someone who is royally taking the Mick."

Yes and I feel rubbish for giving a genuine response.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"You've been here three weeks, you can't accommodate, and your age range is extremely narrow. You don't have any pics, and half your profile is a pointless legal warning that no-one will ever take seriously, and the site itself says is a waste of profile space. There is nothing on your profile worth stealing anyway - it doesn't tell me what you're like (apart from some very specific body measurements) and what you are looking for.

You have also pooh-poohed every suggestion sent your way. You just want a woman to say 'oh, alright then, I'll do you', and I have a suspicion that you could be the needy type.

proactive, not reactive. If I have to make an effort to get a meet on here, then a single bloke has to make a bit more."

This!

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By *ordonBennettMan over a year ago

dover

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviouslyWere starting to see the wood through the trees yes...its like educating pork,everything falls on deaf ears or its certainly one of the finest sympathy fuck threads weve ever seen..lol"

Well let's hope we can see the wood through the trees(??)and that the sound well-meaning advice is finally getting through, but I don't know about it being the finest,....we've had a few spectacular sympathy-fuck threads on here but not in the last 5 days or so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

NO!!!!!!!! Please, just give me some time. I think I'm gonna erase this account and come back other time and follow some reccomendations.

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By *ust dazMan over a year ago

northwich

I was 39 when i met saz and i only had 1 partner b4 and that was over 14yrs ago. Im not outgoing myself and my confidence was/is rock bottom. Saz wasnt bothered about my size/inexperience. But now im on my own again im back to being paranoid about my body and my chances.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Sorry, don't feel rubbish. I'm trying to assimilate what people said.

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By *adyGardenWoman over a year ago

LONDON (se)

This is so not the world or lifestyle for you. You need to joi tinder as you may get more sympathy than here. People here generally know what they want or are looking for sexually.

This isn't a fuck fest site and can crush the confidence of a tough emotionally sound person. Someone like you will be destroyed with the rejection many men face.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously

Yes after typing several helpful replies I've realised that this is someone who is royally taking the Mick.

Yes and I feel rubbish for giving a genuine response.

Don't feel rubbish about it, I'm sure other people will take what you said onboard

Here have a

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously

Yes after typing several helpful replies I've realised that this is someone who is royally taking the Mick.

Yes and I feel rubbish for giving a genuine response.

Never feel rubbish for being kind! It's better to be taken in than not give help to someone genuine.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry, don't feel rubbish. I'm trying to assimilate what people said."
Dont delete...we will be down to fuck you within the next 10 days

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By *ihimbiherCouple over a year ago

lightwater

Leave this site!!!!!

Join a dating site and live a litle. Travel the world, fuck a hooker ,have bi sex etc etc etc....

At 21, your too young to be on here and expect everybody to jump into bed woth you....its a cruel world ,the life of a single guy so you have to be in the right frame of mind and i dont think you are

Remember, find a partner and gave some fun of your own first.

Good luck my friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Again, I'm so sorry if I made someone feel rubbish.

Just thanks to all your advices and patience (if you had).

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By *ihimbiherCouple over a year ago

lightwater

"Again, I'm so sorry if I made someone feel rubbish.

Just thanks to all your advices and patience (if you had)."

Just seen your profile...

It needs some work on it...

More pics (not cock ones)

Tell us about you as a person . Build up a personality..what makes you laught ,cry etc.

Whats your ideal partner /date.

Etc etc etc

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By *each_PittWoman over a year ago

Belfast

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously

Yes after typing several helpful replies I've realised that this is someone who is royally taking the Mick.

Yes and I feel rubbish for giving a genuine response.

Don't feel rubbish about it, I'm sure other people will take what you said onboard

Here have a

Aaaaww thankyou.xx

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By *each_PittWoman over a year ago

Belfast

"Ffs guys, this is a piss take obviously

Yes after typing several helpful replies I've realised that this is someone who is royally taking the Mick.

Yes and I feel rubbish for giving a genuine response.

Never feel rubbish for being kind! It's better to be taken in than not give help to someone genuine."

Thankyou very much.xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't need to work on it 'cause I'm erasing it little by little until I erase my account, so no one could ever remember something about me (maybe).

I'm responding to the people left, apologising and giving thanks to all.

With the other users' advice and yours, I'll try to apply them when I make a new account here, when my confidence and sexual confidence are back.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Haha, thank you but really, I'll erase this account.

I need to take a deep breath and I may come back here on this website, someday.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Haha, thank you but really, I'll erase this account.

I need to take a deep breath and I may come back here on this website, someday."
Warn us all its you though wont you...lol

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Don't forget to threaten to prosecute people! That's a very attractive trait!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I had said it before. I'm just apologising and giving thanks all of you!! It's a couple of messages above.

Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Stop ribbing, ok? You just make me feel worse...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Another UNLOS

Hope the mods delete this thread before anymore newbies read it x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm sorry i'm going to sound heartless here and declare I have no sympathy for the guy...21 and living in London..come on!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm sorry i'm going to sound heartless here and declare I have no sympathy for the guy...21 and living in London..come on!"

But not all of us are confident. I'm glad he has gone though because this would have knocked his esteem even more xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He's probably back on here already reading everyone's sympathy posts

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By *razedcatMan over a year ago

London / Herts

Do any of you remember being 21 and messed up at all? I hope the guy wasn't genuine, because some of you haven't been very friendly to what sounded like a fragile person. Fair enough, this isn't the place for him, but that's no reason to be harsh.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I couldn't decide if he was for real or not, felt a bit sorry for him tho if he was genuine ~ seemed to have lost his way in life.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Do any of you remember being 21 and messed up at all? I hope the guy wasn't genuine, because some of you haven't been very friendly to what sounded like a fragile person. Fair enough, this isn't the place for him, but that's no reason to be harsh."

He was given good advice by well meaning people which was met with more negativity. I truthfully think this is not a place for fragile people, it's tough enough on the forums for battle hardened old harridans like me.

I do take your point though and commend you on your outlook

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