FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Looking to introduce my fiancee to Swinging

Looking to introduce my fiancee to Swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've been interested in the whole swinging scene for a while and joined here to have a look around and see whats what.

The idea of an MMF threesome with myself,my fiancee and another guy is something i am very interested in.

The problem is my fiancee isn't very adventurous when it comes to sex but i'd like to try and gradually get her to broaden her horizons and try new things and eventually approach the idea of an MMF..

Just looking for some advice from other MF couples on how you introduced swinging into your lives and who or how was the topic originally brought up??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dude...you're just transitioning from having a girlfriend to having a wife. You'd be mad to be thinking about anything other than how great your fiancee is. If you are...maybe you shouldn't be marrying her?!?

My advice....drop the whole MMF thing...get married...enjoy a beautiful sex life together...and if in 5-10 years time you still feel the pressing need to get a guy in on the action break it to her gently that this has been a long term fantasy of yours and would she like to give it a try

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You don't discuss it with her, don't be daft! You make up a swingers profile looking for sex as a single male (despite being engaged), then you ask a bunch of strangers how to convince your missus to do what you want!

You organise a meet and suprise her with it, she'll totally understand your single swinging profile etc and will be well up for it! That's how all the other Fab couples got into it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Talk to her, delete your single profile.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We haven't found one, its down to me

Her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dude...you're just transitioning from having a girlfriend to having a wife. You'd be mad to be thinking about anything other than how great your fiancee is. If you are...maybe you shouldn't be marrying her?!?

I disagree. This strategy is IMO how so many married guys end up on here, they commit to someone then find themselves years later bored and frustrated, married to someone who's happy to stay in a rut.

I want to get married again one day but I want to know very early on that the person would be up for swinging or an open relationship - life's too short for monogamy. If you think this will be something you want to try in the future I think you need to know sooner if she'd be into it. I got 10 years into a marriage to find my ex couldn't handle this lifestyle and it broke us up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My advice, try watching porn with her, start with 1 on 1 porn and work up to MMF stuff. If she's ok with that, maybe ask if she's ever thought about anything like that. Ask her about any fantasies she has. Maybe share a milder one of yours to get her out of her shell.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my worry is you are starting out married life and im guessing she doesnt know about you being here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My advice, try watching porn with her, start with 1 on 1 porn and work up to MMF stuff. If she's ok with that, maybe ask if she's ever thought about anything like that. Ask her about any fantasies she has. Maybe share a milder one of yours to get her out of her shell.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Your profile is at odds with your post as far as why you're here is concerned.

As I always say in response to these posts I find what you say very sad. You are showing the woman you purport to love enough to marry huge disrespect by discussing her with strangers and by not being honest with her sexually.

If you would like to embark on the swinging lifestyle with her take your profile down, start to concentrate on your fiance, find out what holds her back, encourage her to share her fantasies, build on your joint sex life and

once you have established a sexual relationship that is open and above all honest the subject of swinging can be easily broached.

This might not be something she ever wants to do it isn't for everyone and requires a strong, loving and above all honest partnership with the understanding that sex does not equal love.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"my worry is you are starting out married life and im guessing she doesnt know about you being here"

This

you're just starting out~that worries me too. If your having thoughts like this, don't settle down yet, especially if she's not interested

There maybe trouble ahead.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your profile is at odds with your post as far as why you're here is concerned.

once you have established a sexual relationship that is open and above all honest the subject of swinging can be easily broached.

This might not be something she ever wants to do it isn't for everyone and requires a strong, loving and above all honest partnership with the understanding that sex does not equal love.

And what they so eloquently said too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Your profile is at odds with your post as far as why you're here is concerned.

once you have established a sexual relationship that is open and above all honest the subject of swinging can be easily broached.

This might not be something she ever wants to do it isn't for everyone and requires a strong, loving and above all honest partnership with the understanding that sex does not equal love.

this...if she isn't very adventurous sexually, it may be because she isn't confident enough in you...to openup sexually often takes large amounts of trust in the person you're with. I suggest that if she doesn't have tgat, then swinging is the very last thing you should consider, particularly in light of you being here as a single man...the most successful and happy swinging couples we have met have deep and abiding levels of trust and respect for each other...your presence here alone and your wish to involve her in something she has expressed no interest in for your own gratification suggests that you have neither...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Actually just read your profile - looking to meet couples and females?? The fact you're even thinking along those lines, presumably behind her back shows the marriage is doomed before it starts. If you can't be 100% honest from the start it doesn't bode well.

I suggest you get out, have some fun and wait to settle down with someone you respect enough to be completely honest with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It could that he just set up a very basic profile to be able to view the site better that's why it conflicts with the OP.

I have to say though if you're having these thoughts now you need to be honest with yourself & your fiancée as to what you both are looking for in a marriage.

It can be very hard to make a marriage work long term if you're poles apart sexually. Frustration for one, pressure to conform for the other.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is an excellent piece of advice and well worth listening too!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"It could that he just set up a very basic profile to be able to view the site better that's why it conflicts with the OP.

It could well be but It would be quite easy to set up a profile that said "I am just looking at the moment" he would be able to view the site just as well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Cheers for all the responses guys.

Profile was just set up with basic info to enable me to look around and see whats what but i know how that could be confusing looking at my profile and how it conflicts with this post.

All advice taken on board and will have a good think about where to go from here.

Thanks again.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Cheers for all the responses guys.

Profile was just set up with basic info to enable me to look around and see whats what but i know how that could be confusing looking at my profile and how it conflicts with this post.

All advice taken on board and will have a good think about where to go from here.

Thanks again.

Good!

I wish you well and hope that you come to a decision that is best for you and your fiancee.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry but I am in total disagreement with this .

First off , the insinuation that after 5 -10 years there may still be a need , after enjoying a beautiful sex life together . This suggests swinging is just for those who may have grown tired of each other . Which is nonsense , We met 4 years ago , started swinging a year later and celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary next week .

If the op hass a desire to try different things and hopes his fiancee would enjoy it too then he should go for it now . It may go tits up but at least he had a go .

He may find she is just as up for it as he is and get to have a joint hen/stag night at a swingers club , like we did !

Watch some porn together as another poster suggested , get a feel for her inclination .

Maybe try a club .

If it's something you really want , good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with everyone's post on this thread. There are just so many ways of looking at it and I picked one of them in my msg.

I still believe that people looking to get married should expect at least 5-10 years of quality time entirely lost in each others arms before the idea even crosses their mind that they might want to have some sexual adventures. It didn't even come onto our radar for 20 years

This doesn't mean our sex life got tired...it just means that we we're so truly madly deeply infatuated with each other that the outside world didn't even exist

The guy is 28...he's got plenty of time to enjoy his wife and then get into swinging. I agree that my advice could run into problems if the MMF thing is a super big deal for him. But I was hoping others would chime in with that point and so thankful they did

I think the OP has a well rounded view on the issue now...he can make up his own mind depending upon how important this whole MMF thing is to him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Our infatuation for each other grows stronger with every day .

The fact that we swing neither dampens nor ignites our feelings for each other .

We just see the liberation as a bonus !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry fella but your going about it the wrong way, your doing the woman a favour by letting her marry you in the first place so dont beat about the bush with all this "feelings" tosh what you do is TELL her whats going to happen, trust me she will love you even more for it

Dear Deirdre Gimp

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By *iggerooooCouple over a year ago

Conwy

Your personal relationship and decisions are your's only.

Don't listen to all the "my worry is your relationship" ... "you've got a profile and she doesnt know?" Bollocks.

No one is worried about your relationship and its none of their business anyway.

Just talk to her, tell her what it involves and see how she reacts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sorry fella but your going about it the wrong way, your doing the woman a favour by letting her marry you in the first place so dont beat about the bush with all this "feelings" tosh what you do is TELL her whats going to happen, trust me she will love you even more for it

Dear Deirdre Gimp

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By *exyfuncouple-40Couple over a year ago

Bloxham

This is a tough one as your bond might be broke if you tell her you got a single mans profile , maybe she unadventrious Due to your lady not being made to feel special swingers are prob more open with each other in a relationship than non swingers as fantasies are shared between the couple . Have you thought about closing your profile down and as suggested watch some porn and talk to your lady make love to her mind as well as her body then start slowly suggesting things and suggest this site for a couple ? Best of luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I agree with everyone's post on this thread. There are just so many ways of looking at it and I picked one of them in my msg.

This doesn't mean our sex life got tired...it just means that we we're so truly madly deeply infatuated with each other that the outside world didn't even exist

I think the OP has a well rounded view on the issue now...he can make up his own mind depending upon how important this whole MMF thing is to him

Bloody hell...We met through swinging...does that mean by your reckoning, we've never had the quality time you're on about?

I'm having words with that monkey of mine...I'm clearly missing out!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I agree with everyone's post on this thread. There are just so many ways of looking at it and I picked one of them in my msg.

This doesn't mean our sex life got tired...it just means that we we're so truly madly deeply infatuated with each other that the outside world didn't even exist

I think the OP has a well rounded view on the issue now...he can make up his own mind depending upon how important this whole MMF thing is to him

Bloody hell...We met through swinging...does that mean by your reckoning, we've never had the quality time you're on about?

I'm having words with that monkey of mine...I'm clearly missing out!!"

Agreed. I'm glad we swing for the reasons we do and not because we've been married a decade and need to inject excitement into a stale sex life

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I think everyone has slightly different views on swinging and reasons for getting in to it. I think these stem from their attitudes and feelings towards sex and to some extent gender roles within that. From our experience the most successful couples are the ones who don't feel they own their partners sexuality and can allow themselves and each other to he honest. If people can achieve that at the outset I think they are very lucky.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Must be something in the water today .... totally agree with crystal wheels .

That's twice in one day we have found we are agreeing with people we normally find ourselves on the other side of the fence with !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP...you've just gotta be aware that the percentage of the UK's population that swing is tiny weeeeny. Whilst there are others here who met through swinging or who were happy to get adventuring the day after they got married...I suspect that most women would be deeply shocked by the fact that they aren't the center of your attention at this time.

I think I made it clear in my post that we are not swinging because our sex life is tired...it is not tired...if anything it's just getting better and better

Call me an old romantic but I believe that couples who swing should be in good solid loving relationships before they do that...not just fresh off the altar. I appreciate that some of you may consider that a veiled insult...it isn't. If you did differently and it worked for you that's cool...but I still wouldn't advise it to someone just about to get married. Wow Mpassion defending monogamy...who would've thought it lol

I think in this example it's not unconventional to suggest to a man who's about to marry someone that perhaps they should just limit their sexual desires to that person for a little while. Instead I'd suggest that those who've suggested he jump right in and try and get his fiancee swinging with him are either living in cloud cuckoo land, met via swinging...in which case that was a shared interest so they both knew it was gonna be cool, or do not have the OP's best interests at heart

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By *upoftea2Man over a year ago

Dublin

Folks,

An excellent thread. The best I've read. I value every posting, and now look forward to the conversation with my future other half...

Big thanks,

Single guy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would probably get banned from Forums if I called you a complete knob....so I won't.

I'll just wait until you realise it for yourself.

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By *arehamMan over a year ago

handforth

I know I am on here hoping to lick some juicy pussy's,but I still cannot get my head round why anyone would want some hairy arse bloke coming round to fuck your wife,there are some really good looking women on this site,If I had a good looking woman I would not like someone like me fucking her,Hippocrate I know

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I know I am on here hoping to lick some juicy pussy's,but I still cannot get my head round why anyone would want some hairy arse bloke coming round to fuck your wife,there are some really good looking women on this site,If I had a good looking woman I would not like someone like me fucking her,Hippocrate I know

Because it isn't about getting someone round to fuck your wife as if she's an appliance that needs servicing.

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By *heHoneymonstersCouple over a year ago

cambridge

spot on, swinging in anyway comes with trust, asking her for MMF before u've even got married she'll think thats the only reason u asked, get married, enjoy each other, be adventurous with her in the bedroom and maybe in a few years brotch the subject

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Because it isn't about getting someone round to fuck your wife as if she's an appliance that needs servicing. "

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By *unloversCouple over a year ago

rotherham

Why is so important to get her into swinging anyway

She may not want sex with other men other than you

Why not just enjoy each other rather than thinking about sharing right now

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By *exyfuncouple-40Couple over a year ago

Bloxham

"Why is so important to get her into swinging anyway

She may not want sex with other men other than you

Why not just enjoy each other rather than thinking about sharing right now"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She enjoyed our threesome last night, we told about a guy who wants to get into the scene, she was up for meeting you

Only hope she fancies you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Cheers for all the responses guys.

Profile was just set up with basic info to enable me to look around and see whats what but i know how that could be confusing looking at my profile and how it conflicts with this post.

All advice taken on board and will have a good think about where to go from here.

Thanks again.

Then why did you write it as a single guy looking for women and couples. You didnt have to add that information at all and could have still looked around. I smell a rat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people just don't get swinging

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I disagree. This strategy is IMO how so many married guys end up on here, they commit to someone then find themselves years later bored and frustrated, married to someone who's happy to stay in a rut.

I want to get married again one day but I want to know very early on that the person would be up for swinging or an open relationship - life's too short for monogamy."

I can't believe all the advice that says not to rock the wedding boat. It is not about "convincing her to have a mmf", it's about OP being open and sincere about his sexuality to the very woman he is meant to be faithful to (read: monogamous with) for the rest of their lives! How would he achieve that? Indefinite denial, wishful thinking that 10 years later he'll get a chance?

If sex is important to you and your partner is not compatible, the grown-up thing to do is discuss and decide on compromising or on parting ways. The silly thing to do is to sweep your concerns under the carpet, suffer in silence, eventually cheat, painfully part ways.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I want to get married again one day but I want to know very early on that the person would be up for swinging or an open relationship - life's too short for monogamy.

Very true however maybe he should have approached the subject way before getting engaged, test the water so to speak as its obviously important to him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I suspect that most women would be deeply shocked by the fact that they aren't the center of your attention at this time."

He wants a straight mmf - she'll be the centre of attention :P

"Call me an old romantic but I believe that couples who swing should be in good solid loving relationships before they do that...not just fresh off the altar."

But but but... couples should have good solid loving relationships fresh off the altar! You say that you and your wife had been oblivious to others but OP already isn't. You are effectively telling him to pretend he does not have these desires - since when did deception and denial aid couple bonding?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The trouble is that none of us know what the state of his relationship is or how important swinging is to him. If swinging is super important to him he'll know that he can't just walk away from it for 10 years and he'll follow someone elses advice other than mine. If it's just something he'd like to do but can wait then he may decide not to rock the boat.

In this sense every posting on this thread has been good advice...depending upon what his priorities are.

Personally...I would say that because the OP is not 'oblivious to others' it's probably a bad idea for them to get married as something sounds wrong. Whether it's MMF or MFF...most women don't expect their partner to already be thinking of how they can share them in the run up to their wedding day. Imagine, for example, that it was her thinking of how she could share him with some other guy....it just sounds like something's going wrong.

It may be that this is only an idle fantasy, one which many men share, and one which can wait it's turn. If it is then he'd be best off keeping it to himself until a more appropriate time imo. If it's more than that and it's super important to him i.e. it's a deal breaker on the marriage...then of course he should tell her asap before the charade goes on any further. Only he knows the answer to this choice. On this thread, as on many others, there is no right or wrong answer...only perspectives

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The trouble is that none of us know what the state of his relationship is or how important swinging is to him. If swinging is super important to him he'll know that he can't just walk away from it for 10 years and he'll follow someone elses advice other than mine. If it's just something he'd like to do but can wait then he may decide not to rock the boat.

In this sense every posting on this thread has been good advice...depending upon what his priorities are.

Great post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Personally...I would say that because the OP is not 'oblivious to others' it's probably a bad idea for them to get married as something sounds wrong."

Aaaw... I was reading your post and nodding along on that "every posting on this thread has been good advice" - then this!

What if she does dream of sharing him with another guy? Why does either scenario sound like something going wrong? Is it because you believe that sexual exclusivity AKA monogamy is the ideal? Or do you believe that non-monogamous people shouldn't get married?

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