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advice on asking if swingers
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I meet this couple the other day at this holiday bar I go to. I noticed them the previous nights sitting at booth kissing, sort of petting, and their eyes wondering sort of looking for to make contact. I even thought to myself is the gent sending me a signal with 3 fingers up.
Anyways, I finally got to talk to them ( actualy the mr, he was ordering drinks at the bar) and we were chatting up a bit like we were friends. He told me they were leaving back to uk the next morning.
I was thinking of to myself, if I should of been direct and mentioning that I saw them the previous nights and thought he had a pretty wife. and would love to join in with if they are into the lifestyle.
Usually i am not that direct, but thinking that i should of been.
I ended leaving, friend called to meet at another bar, but I could of made excuse to not meet friend up at the next bar.
Is sometimes direct a good thing?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meet this couple the other day at this holiday bar I go to. I noticed them the previous nights sitting at booth kissing, sort of petting, and their eyes wondering sort of looking for to make contact. I even thought to myself is the gent sending me a signal with 3 fingers up.
Anyways, I finally got to talk to them ( actualy the mr, he was ordering drinks at the bar) and we were chatting up a bit like we were friends. He told me they were leaving back to uk the next morning.
I was thinking of to myself, if I should of been direct and mentioning that I saw them the previous nights and thought he had a pretty wife. and would love to join in with if they are into the lifestyle.
Usually i am not that direct, but thinking that i should of been.
I ended leaving, friend called to meet at another bar, but I could of made excuse to not meet friend up at the next bar.
Is sometimes direct a good thing?
"
I would think it would be the most inappropriate thing ever, to someone outside of the lifestyle, it would be very upsetting |
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"I meet this couple the other day at this holiday bar I go to. I noticed them the previous nights sitting at booth kissing, sort of petting, and their eyes wondering sort of looking for to make contact. I even thought to myself is the gent sending me a signal with 3 fingers up.
Anyways, I finally got to talk to them ( actualy the mr, he was ordering drinks at the bar) and we were chatting up a bit like we were friends. He told me they were leaving back to uk the next morning.
I was thinking of to myself, if I should of been direct and mentioning that I saw them the previous nights and thought he had a pretty wife. and would love to join in with if they are into the lifestyle.
Usually i am not that direct, but thinking that i should of been.
I ended leaving, friend called to meet at another bar, but I could of made excuse to not meet friend up at the next bar.
Is sometimes direct a good thing?
"
well you've asked a similar question a number of times and had a variety of answers but my opinion is that you should steer clear of asking this sort of question of people who are relaxed on holiday and being friendly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect being direct could work. But I think a negative and potentially confrontational response is much much more likely. 
Most men don't appreciate other men asking to fuck their partners.
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If they were swingers and on the lookout, they would have made an approach to you. It's much easier for the couple to make an advance on a single guy as they have nothing to lose and generally it wouldn't offend most guys.
On the other hand as has been said a guy asking another guy if he can help with the missus is likely to end up in a fight |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
and the times where I did meet and have success on the same scenario was Just luck.
I wouldn't of said I want to fuck your wife. But just ask randomly if they are in lifestyle. A simple no yes answer.
and funny thing looked to me as if he made an effort to talk to me.
He came from other side of bar where it was empty and bar man infront of him to where I was standing on other side of bar to order drinks and strike up conversation.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
and the times where I did meet and have success on the same scenario was Just luck.
I wouldn't of said I want to fuck your wife. But just ask randomly if they are in lifestyle. A simple no yes answer.
and funny thing looked to me as if he made an effort to talk to me.
He came from other side of bar where it was empty and bar man infront of him to where I was standing on other side of bar to order drinks and strike up conversation.
Some people are just friendly, in fact more friendly than they are in real life, the swinging community is a very small percentage of the population, I think to ask is a recipe for disaster
"
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"I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
and the times where I did meet and have success on the same scenario was Just luck.
I wouldn't of said I want to fuck your wife. But just ask randomly if they are in lifestyle. A simple no yes answer.
and funny thing looked to me as if he made an effort to talk to me.
He came from other side of bar where it was empty and bar man infront of him to where I was standing on other side of bar to order drinks and strike up conversation.
"
I think you are very definitely confusing friendly with inviting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think its one thing to be talking about footy and the weather then another to ask if he wants a threesome because u want to nob his wife lol...I think u could of ended up with a shiner lmaoo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suspect being direct could work. But I think a negative and potentially confrontational response is much much more likely.
Most men don't appreciate other men asking to fuck their partners.
"
Love this response.  made my day. So true |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah you again lol  It seems you're in a good spot to catch people when they're on the borderlines of having fun, perhaps getting a little tipsy, and maybe on holiday so happy to try something they might not necessarily try at home. If I we're in your shoes I'd think about developing a patter. I definitely wouldn't start with the whole sex thing...but I do think you could be more frank about seeing them both and thinking how sexy they looked together... i.e. work out something that's suggestive but not rude. What can you offer them in the way of a holiday experience? Perhaps you can take them somewhere cool or offer to show them a new side of the night life? What you're looking to do is weave your way into their world for a little bit...enough for them to notice you a little more. But obviously what you really want is to get the three of you into a more sexual context. Are there any nudist beaches near you? If so you could offer to take them to the 'secret' nudist beach. Things like that perhaps.
The point is that you seem to come across this frequently enough that you should probably try and think up a scheme of sorts that allows you to be friendly and nice...yet put you into a more sexual context without being pushy...more like opening an opportunity which they can take or not...but without making it too obvious. Anyway that's my 2p Good luck |
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Don't think a lot more can be added to what Mpassion said...
Get friendly with them. After a while they may ask you to join them. If not you have met some new friends and hopefully had some good company... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was asked to join a couple out of the blue - many years ago before I'd remotely considered swinging, let alone doing it.
I just thought it was funny at the time.
The next day somebody else offered to pay me to serve drinks topless! Nowadays I'd probably agree |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ah you again lol It seems you're in a good spot to catch people when they're on the borderlines of having fun, perhaps getting a little tipsy, and maybe on holiday so happy to try something they might not necessarily try at home. If I we're in your shoes I'd think about developing a patter. I definitely wouldn't start with the whole sex thing...but I do think you could be more frank about seeing them both and thinking how sexy they looked together... i.e. work out something that's suggestive but not rude. What can you offer them in the way of a holiday experience? Perhaps you can take them somewhere cool or offer to show them a new side of the night life? What you're looking to do is weave your way into their world for a little bit...enough for them to notice you a little more. But obviously what you really want is to get the three of you into a more sexual context. Are there any nudist beaches near you? If so you could offer to take them to the 'secret' nudist beach. Things like that perhaps.
The point is that you seem to come across this frequently enough that you should probably try and think up a scheme of sorts that allows you to be friendly and nice...yet put you into a more sexual context without being pushy...more like opening an opportunity which they can take or not...but without making it too obvious. Anyway that's my 2p Good luck"
yeah it is me again, lol
i dont like doing a trick, everyone is different need to respect and find their buttons.
but the other night, it was sort out of the blue, the first night i saw them there i swore he kept on waving his hand with 3 fingers up. i said to my self i am imagining things, i didn't talk to them.
the night before they left i swore he made effort to come to talk to me. he and misses were at a table, he was standing in front of bar and bar man in front he saw me came on my side of bar and ordered. and my side was more busier.
he told me he was from Newcastle, i was going to say really i met a cpl from new castle before and they were swingers don't tell me you are too.
but back to my original question, is it wrong to be direct but in a classy way. not like saying want to fuck your wife...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...
he told me he was from Newcastle, i was going to say really i met a cpl from new castle before and they were swingers don't tell me you are too.
...
"
I think phrasing it like that would work. It gives him chance to say 'good grief he's not a swinger, how awful' and you can both laugh about it.
But it also gives him chance to say 'actually, yes we are. You wanna fuck my wife?' |
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Not sure how you would be direct in a classy way about asking for a threesome but if you can achieve it go for it.
What I think is that if we were on holiday, relaxed and in a bar, saw a guy we both thought would be ideal to join us for an evening of threesome fun we would be a lot more obviously about it. A would offer the guy a drink, ask if he wanted to join us etc. I would make it clear that I enjoyed his company is he did join us. Presumably they were only on holiday for a short time so wouldn't waste it making mysterious, ambiguous gestures. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...
he told me he was from Newcastle, i was going to say really i met a cpl from new castle before and they were swingers don't tell me you are too.
...
I think phrasing it like that would work. It gives him chance to say 'good grief he's not a swinger, how awful' and you can both laugh about it.
But it also gives him chance to say 'actually, yes we are. You wanna fuck my wife?'"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure how you would be direct in a classy way about asking for a threesome but if you can achieve it go for it.
What I think is that if we were on holiday, relaxed and in a bar, saw a guy we both thought would be ideal to join us for an evening of threesome fun we would be a lot more obviously about it. A would offer the guy a drink, ask if he wanted to join us etc. I would make it clear that I enjoyed his company is he did join us. Presumably they were only on holiday for a short time so wouldn't waste it making mysterious, ambiguous gestures. "
The thing is the bar I go to is pretty big, if you see someone attracted to across the room, still need to make contact.
if you saw a guy, you both found attractive would you just send drinks across the room. even not knowing if that person is with other friends or waiting on someone?
are you suggesting i send drinks now too lol
So nice when are you coming here, you sound like a fun cpl to run into and try to seduce.
THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE FOR YOUR INPUT.
I APPRECIATE IT. |
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"No lol, I said A would offer to but a drink, he's my partner. Good Lord you can't but every holiday maker a drink you'd be broke lol.
Had our holiday this year "
or even buy....it must be my phone it couldn't POSSIBLY be operator error |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No lol, I said A would offer to but a drink, he's my partner. Good Lord you can't but every holiday maker a drink you'd be broke lol.
Had our holiday this year
or even buy....it must be my phone it couldn't POSSIBLY be operator error "
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In the same situation what I would have done is what I have done before, not being direct but starting a conversation flowing… How? Well complimenting the guy at the bar while waiting for his drink, perhaps apologising first for looking at his lady, but also at the same time passing the message across that you are not a weirdo! just simply admiring his lady friend and genuinely telling him what a lucky guy he is to have attracted a gorgeous woman like that, which goes without saying that he must have been a very nice person… well in other words you only saying good things and genuinely opening yourself to the guy that you have something in common… you are both attracted to the same woman.
It may not always work, but if it doesn’t you cannot be accused you have been disrespectful, but you have certainly increased your chances I seem to have that special talent of turning every opportunity into something sexual and it comes easy to me… last time I found myself in the same situation was while on Holiday in Las Palmas and guest what? It worked!!!
Just remember to be polite with a positive approach in life, this would help you to live every day as if it was your last one.
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By *am123Man
over a year ago
essex chelmsford |
"I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
and the times where I did meet and have success on the same scenario was Just luck.
I wouldn't of said I want to fuck your wife. But just ask randomly if they are in lifestyle. A simple no yes answer.
and funny thing looked to me as if he made an effort to talk to me.
He came from other side of bar where it was empty and bar man infront of him to where I was standing on other side of bar to order drinks and strike up conversation.
I think you are very definitely confusing friendly with inviting. "
he seems to be confusing full stop tbh with these posts  |
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"Not sure how you would be direct in a classy way about asking for a threesome but if you can achieve it go for it.
What I think is that if we were on holiday, relaxed and in a bar, saw a guy we both thought would be ideal to join us for an evening of threesome fun we would be a lot more obviously about it. A would offer the guy a drink, ask if he wanted to join us etc. I would make it clear that I enjoyed his company is he did join us. Presumably they were only on holiday for a short time so wouldn't waste it making mysterious, ambiguous gestures. "
I actually think it takes a dirty mind to spot another one
To me it would only take a a quick look and see the reaction of the other person... Do they look away or are they also looking at you? Give it a few minutes and see if they are continuing the teasing...
if they do I would be the one to offer them a drink or... if there is a waiter service I would ask the waiter to bring you whatever you are drinking and after the introduction that the waiter would do by pointing to me... I will approach you at the table introducing myself.
Once again it may not lead to anything but with some charm to follow the conversation could increase the chances |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's lots of ways to gently do a little digging to see if they are in the lifestyle without coming out directly with" are you swingers" . Ask a few questions but don't make it feel like an interrogation , e.g have you had much fun while you've been here ? , have you met anyone nice ? What sort of things do you enjoy doing on holiday ? , none of which are likely To get you a punch in the face , if the answers are " normal " and non sexual then chances are they're just holiday makers enjoying themselves but if there's innuendo or suggestiveness in their replies then it may be worth being a little more direct . |
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"There's lots of ways to gently do a little digging to see if they are in the lifestyle without coming out directly with" are you swingers" . Ask a few questions but don't make it feel like an interrogation , e.g have you had much fun while you've been here ? , have you met anyone nice ? What sort of things do you enjoy doing on holiday ? , none of which are likely To get you a punch in the face , if the answers are " normal " and non sexual then chances are they're just holiday makers enjoying themselves but if there's innuendo or suggestiveness in their replies then it may be worth being a little more direct . "
Hahaha it reminds me an old joke.
A shepherd’s son who wanted to fuck some shepherd’s daughter but did not know how to approach the situation so he ask for advice: Well his wise friend said she is also the daughter of a shepherd so you have something in common… ask her how many sheep she has, and then? He replied; ask her if she call them by name, and what names does she uses, which sheep if her preterit and why… just start a conversation and see how it goes.
So armed with all the questions about sheep here goes the shepherd’s son to seduce the shepherd’s daughter. When he finally took the courage to ask her: How many sheep do you have? She promptly replied none I am afraid they are all my fathers… The shepherd’s son said: Oh that’s makes it much easier than… let’s fuck!
The morale of the story, there is no such rule, you need to be witty, a quick learner and handle the situation in order to make things happen and if they do not… back off, don’t push it, just enjoy the evening and make a few friends
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The easiest way to sort this out would be a sign, personally I'm all for a bat signal sort of thing in the shape of a penis, 1billion candle what should do, just enough to be obvious but not overstated  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
"
or like a lot of men thinking that most women want to drop their knickers for anyone with a cock maybe |
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"I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
or like a lot of men thinking that most women want to drop their knickers for anyone with a cock maybe "
I genuinely don't feel that's the case here but I have to say it's nice to come across a guy who has recognised that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think that is why I keep adding similar posts asking advice on this topic. A very thin line. I might get be getting confused with friendly for inviteing.
or like a lot of men thinking that most women want to drop their knickers for anyone with a cock maybe
I genuinely don't feel that's the case here but I have to say it's nice to come across a guy who has recognised that "
oh I recognised that within a day of being on here years ago |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Given that less than 1% of the people are swingers, and that includes singles so probably less that ½% of couples just ask 200 people, you will be decked 199 times, but then may get a threesome IF that particular couple fancies you, especially with all the broken teeth and bruises. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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city thanks for contribution,
rule number #1 is always respect especially for the gent of the cpl. if you don't gain his trust it isn't going anywhere.
and i am never pushy what happens happens.
maybe i should load my fab page on my phone while talking to them lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No it isn't as personally if I was on holiday and I saw a sexy couple, I wouldn't go and ask them if they swing and on the other side, I wouldn't be impressed if someone approached me on my holiday so for me, no way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The first rule of Swing Club is: You do not talk about Swing Club. The second rule of Swing Club is: You do not talk about Swing Club.;)"
Who said anything about swing club?
Not me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The first rule of Swing Club is: You do not talk about Swing Club. The second rule of Swing Club is: You do not talk about Swing Club.;)
Who said anything about swing club?
Not me"
If you spot them in a swing club then it is probably OK to ask  |
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"Given that less than 1% of the people are swingers, and that includes singles so probably less that ½% of couples just ask 200 people, you will be decked 199 times, but then may get a threesome IF that particular couple fancies you, especially with all the broken teeth and bruises. "
It's a chicken and egg situation... someone got to start it!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just can't see it...without working up a situation as I said before. Perhaps I mix in the wrong circles but I just can't see it without them asking you first. And...sorry to play devils advocate...but I'm not entirely sure it's the guy you need to approach in this scenario. In a normal swinging scenario I'd say guys definitely need to square it with the other guy first...but that's because the woman is understood to be open to swinging. In this scenario these people are highly unlikely to be swingers...so the woman is the real lynch pin here...is she up for some play? I find it highly unlikely that a husband, on holiday with his wife, would chose that quality moment together to reveal he'd like to try a threesome, especially with another bloke . I think the only way I could see it happening at all was if it was her suggestion. And the only way I can see that happening would be if you siddled your way into their holiday, flirted like hell with her, got really chummy with him, and then just laid on the suggestive threesome talk pretty darn thick. Then she might just suggest to her hubby, particularly if she's a bit tipsy, that she'd like to give it a try...in which case you might get lucky and he might be secretly bi and fancy the idea of sneaking up yer arse while you get jiggy with his wife.
If you're under the illusion that another (straight) man is just gonna sit back and let you fuck his wife while he's on holiday...I think you would need to re-evaluate both your expectations and your ethics |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I just can't see it...without working up a situation as I said before. Perhaps I mix in the wrong circles but I just can't see it without them asking you first. And...sorry to play devils advocate...but I'm not entirely sure it's the guy you need to approach in this scenario. In a normal swinging scenario I'd say guys definitely need to square it with the other guy first...but that's because the woman is understood to be open to swinging. In this scenario these people are highly unlikely to be swingers...so the woman is the real lynch pin here...is she up for some play? I find it highly unlikely that a husband, on holiday with his wife, would chose that quality moment together to reveal he'd like to try a threesome, especially with another bloke . I think the only way I could see it happening at all was if it was her suggestion. And the only way I can see that happening would be if you siddled your way into their holiday, flirted like hell with her, got really chummy with him, and then just laid on the suggestive threesome talk pretty darn thick. Then she might just suggest to her hubby, particularly if she's a bit tipsy, that she'd like to give it a try...in which case you might get lucky and he might be secretly bi and fancy the idea of sneaking up yer arse while you get jiggy with his wife.
If you're under the illusion that another (straight) man is just gonna sit back and let you fuck his wife while he's on holiday...I think you would need to re-evaluate both your expectations and your ethics "
wow long and good reply. But the question was in reference if the cpl are already swingers, who are on holidays but are being respectful and discreet when on holidays abroad.
Too bad not everyone was on fab and posts reads the forums.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"wow long and good reply. But the question was in reference if the cpl are already swingers, who are on holidays but are being respectful and discreet when on holidays abroad.
Too bad not everyone was on fab and posts reads the forums.
"
Ok I re-read the OP and it seems the question you're asking is "should I go ask a couple if they're a pair of swingers?". I think the answer to that then is almost certainly a double no....firstly the chances that they are swingers is so inconceivably small that you might as well just kick yourself in the balls and save the bother...secondly swingers don't even like being asked if they're swingers by Joe Public in a normal daily life...I can't see how being on holiday would change that...but for some I guess it might.
I think if you're looking to seduce a couple on their hols you might stand a chance but you'd need to develop a way of approaching them. If you're looking to happen across a pair of swingers then you've been drinking too much of the kool aid and you're just dreaming imo |
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