FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > I don't think I'm the slut I've always wanted to be.....
I don't think I'm the slut I've always wanted to be.....
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By *issLiss OP Couple
over a year ago
south east |
It's funny you know, when people tell you something a lot you start to believe it's true. All my teenages years I was bullied, labelled as a slut and so growing with this said so much I kinda learnt to love it and always wanted to be a dirty slut.
However, although I do love sex an insane amount and I do have my kinks, being a dirty little slut isn't fun on your own - for me it's a bit demoralising. Sex for me is a spark, a connection that you want to share and hooking up with strangers just seems a bit more seedy. Sex is a very powerful, emotive and I think some people lose sight of this and just have sex for the sake of having sex.
I'm not against anyone doing anything - each to their own as long as all parties are happy - just come to this realisation and wanted to share lol also I'm not saying ALL people are like this... It's a thought #justsayin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we all have our fantasies that we would love to come true and I guess I have plenty of feelings about being like a male slut but like you say its no good on your own its nice to be in a relationship and be able to share the feelings and indeed the fun but sadly ive not found anyone im suitably matched to that loves sex as much as me and maybe not as imaginative   |
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Or maybe some people can divide sex from emotions and have sex for it's own sale in the same way one would have a slice of chocolate cake for it's own sake. You aren't wrong and neither are they.  #justsayintoo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Think it all comes down to whether you're doing what you want to do. I'm enjoying being slutty and taking control of my own sexual journey. I have a mix of one off meets and regular partners and have never had any issues with spark or passion, and I enjoy both for different reasons. If the excitement was to go out of it though then I'd stop meeting, and have often had breaks from it...I wouldn't have sex just for the sake of it, I have it because I want it. If you're finding you're feeling demoralised then maybe take some time out and reflect on what you want? |
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"It's funny you know, when people tell you something a lot you start to believe it's true. All my teenages years I was bullied, labelled as a slut and so growing with this said so much I kinda learnt to love it and always wanted to be a dirty slut.
However, although I do love sex an insane amount and I do have my kinks, being a dirty little slut isn't fun on your own - for me it's a bit demoralising. Sex for me is a spark, a connection that you want to share and hooking up with strangers just seems a bit more seedy. Sex is a very powerful, emotive and I think some people lose sight of this and just have sex for the sake of having sex.
I'm not against anyone doing anything - each to their own as long as all parties are happy - just come to this realisation and wanted to share lol also I'm not saying ALL people are like this... It's a thought #justsayin"
Reason why I prefer 1 on 1, club now mainly voyeurism.
This from TheScotandthegirl "Forget labels and focus on what satisfies you" |
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This is why we love role play as Master/slave. When in role I own my slave and she becomes MY slut, nobody else's just MY slut. of course what we do with other would have her portrayed by vanillas as a slut. However, being under my command and protection she can be who she wants to be, with the added emotional protection that I have made the choice for her, so she does not have to feel guilty in any way for thigs she may have done. As a Master, it is my job to carry all the guilt/embarrassment/anxiety and not my slave #masterslaverelationshipsrock  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is why we love role play as Master/slave. When in role I own my slave and she becomes MY slut, nobody else's just MY slut. of course what we do with other would have her portrayed by vanillas as a slut. However, being under my command and protection she can be who she wants to be, with the added emotional protection that I have made the choice for her, so she does not have to feel guilty in any way for thigs she may have done. As a Master, it is my job
to carry all the guilt/embarrassment/anxiety and
not my slave #masterslaverelationshipsrock "
Very well put. Someone who actually understands the role of being a Master.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was lying in bed this morning with the sun streaming onto my face. One eye was in the darkness of the pillow and one in the glare of the sun. The last few months have been a tough ride and in those passages it's all I can do to just cling onto life and hope it doesn't toss me out. I think, in those passages, it's easy to forget the magic of living and get sucked into a more mundane way of seeing the world. I get the sense that's how some people view their sexual exploits here...perhaps more physical and sporty than magical.
There, with half my face in sun and half in darkness, I remembered the beautiful mystery of life's ying yang; that we are here on this beautiful one way ticket through life...and how important it is to be vital and alive within that journey. This, for me, is the deeper calling which draws me towards loving the world around me, and in it's own way...into these strange and wonky corridors of sexual exploration.
I don't know what the fuck any of this has to do with the OP...but I kinda sense there's something similar going on...a call for something more magical perhaps? I sincerely hope you find it |
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Agree with a lot of what you said, and certainly agree that those who understand Dom/sub relationships always make me smile.
I'm glad you have a great one and high five you
Personally I will say that whilst I happily do as Master instructs, and he knows best, I don't think there needs to ever be any guilt or embarrassment,on either side.i do as he instructs.
What we all do is safe, sane and consensual.
I admire and respect the fact you are protecting you sub and I like that.
Hope you don't take any offence, and I wish you a lot of fun in your relationship
Ruby x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found this an interesting thread..till I realized I couldnt wank over the OP's pics! grRrrrrrr  "
Oh I'm sure you'll find someone else to do the biz over lol... x |
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"Agree with a lot of what you said, and certainly agree that those who understand Dom/sub relationships always make me smile.
I'm glad you have a great one and high five you
Personally I will say that whilst I happily do as Master instructs, and he knows best, I don't think there needs to ever be any guilt or embarrassment,on either side.i do as he instructs.
What we all do is safe, sane and consensual.
I admire and respect the fact you are protecting you sub and I like that.
Hope you don't take any offence, and I wish you a lot of fun in your relationship
Ruby x"
Ruby no offense taken  What I mean by guilt/embarrassment etc is that my slave has no say when I instruct her (of course I know her boundaries)so for example my kink is display. So if I instruct her to display herself when she doesn't feel comfortable and someone sees her and makes a comment. Then it is me who must carry the embarrassment of us getting caught, not her. Likewise, if I want to have her used by a group of men, she need carry no shame or guilt at being 'too slutty'. It is my decision and she is simply fulfilling my wish....she can transfer those feelings onto me. I suppose it's a bit like a child saying, "He told me to do it" when they get caught doing something wrong by an irate parent.
Like you, what we do is consensual. However, it is my job to push my slaves boundaries (within safe limits) and that sometimes involves making her do things she might otherwise be too scared to do. With me protecting and giving lots of aftercare and chocolate, I hope she always feels safe.
Happy sub/Domming to you both too xxx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I found this an interesting thread..till I realized I couldnt wank over the OP's pics! grRrrrrrr
Oh I'm sure you'll find someone else to do the biz over lol... x "
hints will get u everywhere x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's funny you know, when people tell you something a lot you start to believe it's true. All my teenages years I was bullied, labelled as a slut and so growing with this said so much I kinda learnt to love it and always wanted to be a dirty slut.
However, although I do love sex an insane amount and I do have my kinks, being a dirty little slut isn't fun on your own - for me it's a bit demoralising. Sex for me is a spark, a connection that you want to share and hooking up with strangers just seems a bit more seedy. Sex is a very powerful, emotive and I think some people lose sight of this and just have sex for the sake of having sex.
I'm not against anyone doing anything - each to their own as long as all parties are happy - just come to this realisation and wanted to share lol also I'm not saying ALL people are like this... It's a thought #justsayin"
I don't think I could if I was single either. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought I would feel bad about meeting strangers for sex until I found they treat me better than the man who was supposed to love and cherish me. I do it for myself and I enjoy it. No one can say anything to me to make me feel ashamed. I find it laughable when men suddenly go off the idea of meeting when they realise I've had more partners than my verifications suggest |
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"Agree with a lot of what you said, and certainly agree that those who understand Dom/sub relationships always make me smile.
I'm glad you have a great one and high five you
Personally I will say that whilst I happily do as Master instructs, and he knows best, I don't think there needs to ever be any guilt or embarrassment,on either side.i do as he instructs.
What we all do is safe, sane and consensual.
I admire and respect the fact you are protecting you sub and I like that.
Hope you don't take any offence, and I wish you a lot of fun in your relationship
Ruby x
Ruby no offense taken What I mean by guilt/embarrassment etc is that my slave has no say when I instruct her (of course I know her boundaries)so for example my kink is display. So if I instruct her to display herself when she doesn't feel comfortable and someone sees her and makes a comment. Then it is me who must carry the embarrassment of us getting caught, not her. Likewise, if I want to have her used by a group of men, she need carry no shame or guilt at being 'too slutty'. It is my decision and she is simply fulfilling my wish....she can transfer those feelings onto me. I suppose it's a bit like a child saying, "He told me to do it" when they get caught doing something wrong by an irate parent.
Like you, what we do is consensual. However, it is my job to push my slaves boundaries (within safe limits) and that sometimes involves making her do things she might otherwise be too scared to do. With me protecting and giving lots of aftercare and chocolate, I hope she always feels safe.
Happy sub/Domming to you both too xxx
"
Makes sense....
Mwah Ruby |
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"I found this an interesting thread..till I realized I couldnt wank over the OP's pics! grRrrrrrr "
Shuuusshhh, don't tell anyone but when you click on a profile and it says "Profile hidden" you can click on "gallery" to still see the pics. I just spunked over the OP's amazing titty pics. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good post OP, it's good to get across that women of fab aren't always raging sexpots all the time.
I have found some of the messages I receive on here make me a little uneasy, as if some guys project this very slutty image onto me without getting to know me first. They will make assumptions about what I am like and what I enjoy based on their fantasies.
On a good day I will delete and move on, on a bad day I will question whether I am really as liberated as I think I am.
Time out to reflect is a good thing if you need it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You were never a slut Vanessa, you just loved the attention and the adventure, when we were together, we were having a journey. I'm sure you'll get your mojo back honey as to be fair, you can't go too long without some relief! |
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"Good post OP, it's good to get across that women of fab aren't always raging sexpots all the time.
I have found some of the messages I receive on here make me a little uneasy, as if some guys project this very slutty image onto me without getting to know me first. They will make assumptions about what I am like and what I enjoy based on their fantasies.
On a good day I will delete and move on, on a bad day I will question whether I am really as liberated as I think I am.
Time out to reflect is a good thing if you need it x"
Well I can only say that your profile is far from slutty. If a man is projecting this onto you at the message stage then he is missing the essence of your profile.
There is also a misconception that kinky means slutty and any kinky woman is gagging for it. How wrong can some people be.
I for one am treating every woman on here as if their motivation is like mine. We are here to have liberated and stimulating experiences without the anchor of societal norms and mores.
I treat ladies like a girlfriend and hope this can be reciprocated.
I do not value sexual partners based on time spent or hoops jumped through. Its intimacy and a connection- that can be as intense with a stranger or partner-that I measure my satisfaction on.
So ladies, never feel like a slut unless you want to. Even then, maybe a different word would be more apt. Taking ownership and driving your sexuality should not have a negative context......its admirable and inspiring.
PK.......you are quite the most delightful lady and your profile clearly defines this. I, for one, am a fan.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As was explained to me, there is a difference between acting like one and being one, and she is not one.
Knowing her personally, and this is for "Vanessa", I am really happy to say that she is a person with a beautiful and sweet heart who almost always means well :P |
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It's nice to hear men offer respect, there is too little of it on this site and I for one do not feel the 'culture of the slut' helps. It is indeed a question of attitude and it is not one I have ever had. |
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An interesting thread, a bit of self appraisal is no bad thing as long as one is not too harsh on yourself..
being who you are and not how others choose to define you often to their own advantage is no bad thing..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As was explained to me, there is a difference between acting like one and being one, and she is not one.
Knowing her personally, and this is for "Vanessa", I am really happy to say that she is a person with a beautiful and sweet heart who almost always means well :P"
"almost always"
I have to go empty my sick bucket |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You get what you think you deserve. Obviously, what your currently getting is less than you deserve and so it can all leave you feeling a bit flat.
There's nothing wrong in wanting for feel slutty, but perhaps who you give it up for needs more thought.
Good luck whatever you decide.
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is why we love role play as Master/slave. When in role I own my slave and she becomes MY slut, nobody else's just MY slut. of course what we do with other would have her portrayed by vanillas as a slut. However, being under my command and protection she can be who she wants to be, with the added emotional protection that I have made the choice for her, so she does not have to feel guilty in any way for thigs she may have done. As a Master, it is my job to carry all the guilt/embarrassment/anxiety and not my slave #masterslaverelationshipsrock "
This is probably the most eloquent description of the master slave relationship that I have heard.
Sluttiness as a behaviour within the confines of safe and consensual environment is incredibly empowering |
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Being honest is the toughest thing to do. I have had conflicting emotions about swinging as for me it is trying to be more honest about my sex drive and need for nsa sex. Hope it goes well for you |
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By *issLiss OP Couple
over a year ago
south east |
I haven't lost my mojo!! Let's not go crazy now
I think sometimes when you are told something long enough you believe it - but this is an exciting time for discovery for me and realising that being the dirty slut I always wanted to be wasn't actually what I wanted at all.
I think the way men message you on here turns you off sex more than turns you on and the way some men are in their general attitude towards sex can be pretty disgusting and disrespectful.
It still seems that men who sleep around are admired by men and wanted by women (because he must be good in bed) however a women who acted this way would be used by men and not respected, and judged by women. And I've spoken to "open minded" individuals from fab who have this view let alone people from "the real world". This also makes me wonder if there wasn't this perception, would I have the views I do about myself?
The sub dom relationship mentioned did turn me on quite a bit though
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've no interest in sub/dom relationships, I'm not someones rampaging 'bull' and I've no interest in fucking 'sluts', I just want to meet a woman I feel warm, horny and sexually attracted toward, and who feels the same way about me, and its all too rarely that I find such a person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the way men message you on here turns you off sex more than turns you on and the way some men are in their general attitude towards sex can be pretty disgusting and disrespectful."
Some men on here do treat the women on here like meat, but not all of them...just as some women and couples treat men like they are nothing more than a dildo that doesn't require batteries. If the messages you get are what is putting you off then maybe block guys from contacting you and search for what you want instead when you come back from having some time out? x |
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"It's funny you know, when people tell you something a lot you start to believe it's true. All my teenages years I was bullied, labelled as a slut and so growing with this said so much I kinda learnt to love it and always wanted to be a dirty slut.
However, although I do love sex an insane amount and I do have my kinks, being a dirty little slut isn't fun on your own - for me it's a bit demoralising. Sex for me is a spark, a connection that you want to share and hooking up with strangers just seems a bit more seedy. Sex is a very powerful, emotive and I think some people lose sight of this and just have sex for the sake of having sex.
I'm not against anyone doing anything - each to their own as long as all parties are happy - just come to this realisation and wanted to share lol also I'm not saying ALL people are like this... It's a thought #justsayin"
I understand what you mean, it's all good on the excitement front but at the end of the day were all just here too fulfill a need! I didn't think id feel like this 2 years down the line and don't get me wrong it is fun but them times where it all gets a bit dark and your getting message after message that says 'wanna fuck now?' You just feel like an unpaid prostitute!
That being said if you find a good FB life's just peachy on here!
Ups and downs in the wonderful world of fab |
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"I'm not here to fulfill a need. There is nothing I need here. This is why I think I'd find it difficult if I were single."
So your not here to fulfill your sexual/social needs?
Everyone has a reason for joining and whether it's more sex/kink/going to clubs (the list is endless) we are all here to fulfill our need to want to do somthing surely? |
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"This site does unfortunately attract many desperate and delusional characters, but as you surely know, there are the gems in here."
Oh definitely! And I've been lucky to meet and have a lovely time with a few of them! They are unfortunately just a bit too few and far between! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's funny you know, when people tell you something a lot you start to believe it's true. All my teenages years I was bullied, labelled as a slut and so growing with this said so much I kinda learnt to love it and always wanted to be a dirty slut.
However, although I do love sex an insane amount and I do have my kinks, being a dirty little slut isn't fun on your own - for me it's a bit demoralising. Sex for me is a spark, a connection that you want to share and hooking up with strangers just seems a bit more seedy. Sex is a very powerful, emotive and I think some people lose sight of this and just have sex for the sake of having sex.
I'm not against anyone doing anything - each to their own as long as all parties are happy - just come to this realisation and wanted to share lol also I'm not saying ALL people are like this... It's a thought #justsayin"
With you on this, I always say I'd rather make love to a friend than fuck a stranger, it genuinely does get better when you get to know someone and their little turn ons. Difference between a shag and mind blowing sex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not here to fulfill a need. There is nothing I need here. This is why I think I'd find it difficult if I were single.
So your not here to fulfill your sexual/social needs?
Everyone has a reason for joining and whether it's more sex/kink/going to clubs (the list is endless) we are all here to fulfill our need to want to do somthing surely? "
No. I'm here as an extra - a bit of fun. I enjoy it but can take it or leave it. If I felt I was 'needing' to be here I'd be concerned. |
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"I'm not here to fulfill a need. There is nothing I need here. This is why I think I'd find it difficult if I were single.
So your not here to fulfill your sexual/social needs?
Everyone has a reason for joining and whether it's more sex/kink/going to clubs (the list is endless) we are all here to fulfill our need to want to do somthing surely?
No. I'm here as an extra - a bit of fun. I enjoy it but can take it or leave it. If I felt I was 'needing' to be here I'd be concerned."
I think your getting the context of 'need' wrong completely. I'm not saying people need to be here like they need to breathe, I am saying we all have a need for sex or we wouldn't be here, everyone has a reason for being here, mine is because I have a high sex drive -my need for sex is higher than other peoples so I go down different avenues such as swinging sites to get it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not here because I need sex or because I need to sate a high sex drive. Those needs are filled more than adequately at home and always have been.
I like to be here for now. I don't need to be. |
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"I'm not here because I need sex or because I need to sate a high sex drive. Those needs are filled more than adequately at home and always have been.
I like to be here for now. I don't need to be."
That's lovely for you, I don't feel the need to argue with a random stranger because they have misinterpreted the context in somthing that has been sent. that's not what I'm on the site or the forums for. Obviously some feel the need to pick at things others say and try to make them feel like they can't post for fear of being jumped on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you accidentally post on a discussion forum?
The point seems entirely valid to debate. You apparently seek somebody to regularly have sex with and suggest everybody is here for a 'need'.
I think there is a distinction between those that have needs and are by definition 'needy', and those like myself that regard this only as an addition.
If I felt I needed a relationship of any type I would not be seeking it here. I also doubt I would engage in swinging as a single person as I would lack the reassurance and emotional stability that comes through a relationship.
A point I've made a couple of times, in different ways and that I feel is valid to this discussion.
Also valid is that the increasing number of people incapable of handling adult discussion and resorting to personal insults/accusations of trolling/picking on etc. is tiresome.
If you don't like exchanging viewpoints, don't invite them. |
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"Did you accidentally post on a discussion forum?
The point seems entirely valid to debate. You apparently seek somebody to regularly have sex with and suggest everybody is here for a 'need'.
I think there is a distinction between those that have needs and are by definition 'needy', and those like myself that regard this only as an addition.
If I felt I needed a relationship of any type I would not be seeking it here. I also doubt I would engage in swinging as a single person as I would lack the reassurance and emotional stability that comes through a relationship.
A point I've made a couple of times, in different ways and that I feel is valid to this discussion.
Also valid is that the increasing number of people incapable of handling adult discussion and resorting to personal insults/accusations of trolling/picking on etc. is tiresome.
If you don't like exchanging viewpoints, don't invite them."
What I said to the OP wasn't aimed at you, you decided to make it personal to you and then make it into an attack.
If you want to argue with random strangers on fab to pass your time then go ahead but I'm not interested in taking part in it thanks! |
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"I'm not here because I need sex or because I need to sate a high sex drive. Those needs are filled more than adequately at home and always have been.
I like to be here for now. I don't need to be."
Which, by your next statement,(if you have needs you are needy) means you to are 'needy'.
I know you not; but how patronising can you be when you argue against said patronisation the post before.
Yes you are happy, or so you state. You get all you need...no matter how needy that may make you.
Yet, you are still here. As a ?
Philanthropist ?
Anthropologist ?
I dont care. But please don't appear to look down on those who have different ways of sating their 'neediness'.
I am sure I have misunderstood you and I apologise in advance.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your logic is bizarre.
Of course I have needs!
I said I am not here to fulfill a need. I am here for occasional no strings fun. There is nothing I need here.
That doesn't in any way suggest I don't need air, food, water... |
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Read your posts.
One minute we are needy because our needs are fulfilled here.
Your needs are fulfilled at home but you aren't needy.
So I ask....why are you here ?
Apparently for NSA fun....which isnt a need....but I assume, a want ?
So we are all needy....but you just want something that is not a need to you, because you get it elsewhere ?
Am I correct ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No you're very confused!
I never said people are needy because their needs are fulfilled here.
I never said I am not needy.
I did say quite clearly why I am here.
So I have no clue what the point is you're trying to make? |
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I am not...you are. Apparently twice.
I have no issue with the core of your argument. However to say that other people who fufil their sexual needs (that word again) on here, whilst you only have extras is one thing.
But you said that they were 'needy ' and implied you weren't. Further, when I said this you said you needed air, water etc. So sex isnt a need for you.
I just think you are, at best, slightly unaware of others; and at worst, well let's not go there.
However you choose to look at it, you are different from us all. You are slightly better. We are base animals and you are not.
We rummage around looking for sexual sustenance, whilst you pick only the ripest fruit for an amuse bouche.
Of course I go too far....but to my mind...so did you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im in need of an asprin reading some of this thread
I may need something a little stronger..
don't worry it's not as bad as my threads, lol
"
lol, so i presume you have seen my threads
i don't read them back.... am scared of getting nightmares |
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By *issLiss OP Couple
over a year ago
south east |
As the OP I will add that this post was never about sexual needs or wants it why we are on here....
It was more a thought about growth and what makes us who we are , and also how there is still isn't equality between men and women?!
How the fuck is turned into neediness is beyond me! |
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My apologies V.
My previous post....way before last night......was supportive of you and other ladies on here.
I personally feel the disparity between socially acceptable sexual behaviour is what allows this site to exist. If all were as open minded to the diversity of human sensuality and sexuality then ladies wouldnt have to be hidden away on here.
I personally have always enjoyed your posts and noted a little unease in some of them. I hope you are doing better now and we soon get to see your profile out there again.
If not then fab will be slightly worse off  |
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"As the OP I will add that this post was never about sexual needs or wants it why we are on here....
It was more a thought about growth and what makes us who we are , and also how there is still isn't equality between men and women?!
How the fuck is turned into neediness is beyond me! "
It got turned into neediness because someone misinterpreted my post which was in support of you, it then turned into tit for tat and it seems to have carried on,
I never seen the rest of the conversation last night because I was very busy getting laid
But basically I was saying, I get what your saying completely! x |
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Define slut… and so what? There is nothing wrong in being a dirty slut you know?
This is our pure and basic animalistic instinct… this is how we were created by nature. This is how we are supposed to be: Men are naturally Dominant and Women naturally Submissive or … Slutty?
It’s a matter of being honest with yourself and those who judge you… believe me, they are either in a wrong relationship or they are not being as honest as you are… either way they do not get laid as much as they would want to and therefore are not leaving a life as they would wish to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is why we love role play as Master/slave. When in role I own my slave and she becomes MY slut, nobody else's just MY slut. of course what we do with other would have her portrayed by vanillas as a slut. However, being under my command and protection she can be who she wants to be, with the added emotional protection that I have made the choice for her, so she does not have to feel guilty in any way for thigs she may have done. As a Master, it is my job
to carry all the guilt/embarrassment/anxiety and
not my slave #masterslaverelationshipsrock
Very well put. Someone who actually understands the role of being a Master. "
So true , there's something special about that role ! |
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