FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > are we wasting your time?
are we wasting your time?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all
We've been on the scene for a good few years now, and don't just use this site
Our problem at the mo seems to be lack of free time, getting our own diaries to match let alone trying to meet with another
We're always honest about this when replying to messages, but sometimes feel a little guilty when we say 'sorry we can't meet yet and not sure when we can'. .
We don't want to be seen as timewasters but I'm sure some of the guys we've spoken to must think we are . .
Anyone else in the same boat? How do you handle it ? X  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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im in a similar situaion granted im only a single girl but i struggle for childcare but ivealwys found tha being straight and honest about my situation is the best way and the decent guys are always understanding an therefore the best guys to be meeting anyway.
I say continue as you are. If others dont approve ot want to label you a timewaster tats more their issue than yours |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey , I am also a very busy bee to . And can't meet at the drop of the hat ect , I stuck to club meets in the end , and you don't waste your own or other people's time with meeting with people you don't click with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all
We've been on the scene for a good few years now, and don't just use this site
Our problem at the mo seems to be lack of free time, getting our own diaries to match let alone trying to meet with another
We're always honest about this when replying to messages, but sometimes feel a little guilty when we say 'sorry we can't meet yet and not sure when we can'. .
We don't want to be seen as timewasters but I'm sure some of the guys we've spoken to must think we are . .
Anyone else in the same boat? How do you handle it ? X "
State it on your profile. In bold letters. Or just post a meet when you both have free time. Im sure you wont be short of replies  |
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I get very little free time and I'm sure some who I chat with think I'm wasting their time, but I'm honest from the start so if they don't like it then they can feel free to stop mailing. It's worse if I do manage a meet or party then you get all the " thought you didn't get free time. " messages... But hey ho that's life and I'm enjoying it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this is us - maybe not to the same extent but we never think of people like yourselves as time wasters at all -- we say it like it is on out profile and more fully when we start to chat to folk - some people will get pissed off and some will continue to chat - we chatted to a couple for many many months but we did meet up with them eventually - had a lovely evening in town with them - we have plans for more but time and life just not allowing it - so its fine to be this way xxxx to be fair you cant invent free time - nobody can xx |
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"I get very little free time and I'm sure some who I chat with think I'm wasting their time, but I'm honest from the start so if they don't like it then they can feel free to stop mailing. It's worse if I do manage a meet or party then you get all the " thought you didn't get free time. " messages... But hey ho that's life and I'm enjoying it "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a busy world, and most peoples' lives are frenetic, so don't worry about it. Most people understand, and I suggest that those single guys who don't are probably not the sort of people worth getting involved with.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all
We've been on the scene for a good few years now, and don't just use this site
Our problem at the mo seems to be lack of free time, getting our own diaries to match let alone trying to meet with another
We're always honest about this when replying to messages, but sometimes feel a little guilty when we say 'sorry we can't meet yet and not sure when we can'. .
We don't want to be seen as timewasters but I'm sure some of the guys we've spoken to must think we are . .
Anyone else in the same boat? How do you handle it ? X "
I think we're all in the same boat.
It just takes a little bit of uderstanding and give and take on both sides.
We were called time wasters recently when we asked if we could put our meet back 24 hrs for gen reasons-
Flexibility patience and understanding gets you everywhere guys  |
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Ive had the same. My job sometimes dictates my free time but on occasion have been called a timewaster as I have had to cancel at last minute. I work with palliative people but some fabbers think that a meet is more important than my job and dont understand what I do.
There is life outside of fab and if they genuinely want to meet then im sure they will understand. |
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"Hi all
We've been on the scene for a good few years now, and don't just use this site
Our problem at the mo seems to be lack of free time, getting our own diaries to match let alone trying to meet with another
We're always honest about this when replying to messages, but sometimes feel a little guilty when we say 'sorry we can't meet yet and not sure when we can'. .
We don't want to be seen as timewasters but I'm sure some of the guys we've spoken to must think we are . .
Anyone else in the same boat? How do you handle it ? X "
Don't stress over it, I've had to cancel a couple of Meets due to last minute shift changes and they have due to shift/change/childcare issues. These things happen. If you give as much warning as possible you won't be seen as timewasters... well, not by the decent ones in here  |
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I'm in a similar position, I'm wanting to meet people and they want to meet me but our 40 something lives are very busy. Happily and hopefully, we all know this and are patient enough to know a) I'm not a timewaster and have veris and chat and stuff and b) real life situations get in the way sometimes and take priority over this little hobby I have here called recreational sex |
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Rest assured you are definitely not alone!
Young family and shiftwork combined with all the other family commitments make finding time to play very challenging for us as well.
However we look for happy, chilled out, relaxed fun and if someone can't wait for a meet then we think it's less likely they'll be the type we like to play with anyway.
We do play mostly in clubs with new meets. Our private nests are usually with people we have met previously.
Clubs have made our swinging so much easier!
Xxx |
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Yes you are!!!!!!!!!
But I'll give you one last chance ....lol
I work six days a week 12-13 hours a day and have a teenage daughter to look after so time for meets is almost nonexistent. Though it is getting a little easier.
So to those who forget that we all have a life outside life I say wise up and if you don't like it lump it.
I know people won't believe me when I say I been let down on meets more times than successful. So I know exactly how annoying time wasters are.
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"Hi all
We've been on the scene for a good few years now, and don't just use this site
Our problem at the mo seems to be lack of free time, getting our own diaries to match let alone trying to meet with another
We're always honest about this when replying to messages, but sometimes feel a little guilty when we say 'sorry we can't meet yet and not sure when we can'. .
We don't want to be seen as timewasters but I'm sure some of the guys we've spoken to must think we are . .
Anyone else in the same boat? How do you handle it ? X "
same here  |
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Just like u we don't have lots of spare time with the 2 of us working full time and 2 kids time is sparse but like everyone else says we r honest about this when we chat to people, we found a club a great place to meet lots of great people who can see face to face we r genuine don't feel u r wasting ur time or others, time is prescious to us all so for the ones who have less time to spare means we wanna make the most of it and u will find others in the same perdicament the ones who understand and take time to get to know u are the right ones for u xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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its important to be honest, at least you cant be accused of being a messer! some people think that cos you are on here you have nothing else in your life!! its a bit of fun and not a necessity, unlike family life, work ect. most important thing is to enjoy yourselves |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with most as real life and taxes just keep us busy to and not jumping on the 1st offer for the weekend does anger people quickly ... its an option not a requirement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they dont understand and dont wish to continue chatting,because you cant drop everything for them then they are not worth bothering with,simple as,i would say being pushy is basically time wasting anyway,if cant meet then re arrange surely.The ones that call you a time waster are just impaitent |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all
We've been on the scene for a good few years now, and don't just use this site
Our problem at the mo seems to be lack of free time, getting our own diaries to match let alone trying to meet with another
We're always honest about this when replying to messages, but sometimes feel a little guilty when we say 'sorry we can't meet yet and not sure when we can'. .
We don't want to be seen as timewasters but I'm sure some of the guys we've spoken to must think we are . .
Anyone else in the same boat? How do you handle it ? X "
We are in the same situation I work shifts 2-10, 6-2 Monday to Friday and Tuesday to Saturday respectively and Mo works flexable hours at a hotel and that mostly consists of weekend work. Its hard enough to find time for each other let alone anything else.
What we do find however is those that can wait and do keep talking to us are well worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same here, but I delete everything off my profile and don't show up on searches so I'm not wasting anyone's time. When I have free time I go looking and arrange something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My job means I work stupid hours and sometimes I don't know what I'm working from one week to the next. Don't waste your time worrying about letting some people down I'm sure they'll get other meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this seems to be a common problem for many,
we now go to clubs when we can and find meets on the day, sometimes hit and miss but at least we haven't spent ages trying to arrange anything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As long as you're upfront about it I can't see it's a problem. I've put on my profile that I'm busy with work & family etc and if it takes months to meet up then that's what it takes.
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By *issLissCouple
over a year ago
south east |
I think it's hard when you have to balance the real life -family, career, friends etc - anyone else in that boat would understand and as long as you don't let people down last min all the time then they have no reason to be upset. Those who don't and get upset about that probably need to get off fab and go get bit more of a life... |
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
like most of the others who have posted, I work shifts, which are to most very odd hours, either 12 hour days or nights, from now I only have one Sunday off until the end June, week days some are free, but most others are working then. but bills etc come first. |
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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago
Reading |
like most of the others who have posted, I work shifts, which are to most very odd hours, either 12 hour days or nights, from now I only have one Sunday off until the end June, week days some are free, but most others are working then. but bills etc come first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have busy lives, I think everyone does. But it works both ways and in all honesty as our time is precious our interest in someone who has one hidden verification in 6 months and who doesn't know when or even if they could meet someone then our interest would be non-existant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this is us - maybe not to the same extent but we never think of people like yourselves as time wasters at all -- we say it like it is on out profile and more fully when we start to chat to folk - some people will get pissed off and some will continue to chat - we chatted to a couple for many many months but we did meet up with them eventually - had a lovely evening in town with them - we have plans for more but time and life just not allowing it - so its fine to be this way xxxx to be fair you cant invent free time - nobody can xx"
Between Teenage Kids seeming to be forever hovering around for something or other, work and other commitments time is of the essence and like you we feel that sometimes people might think we are stringing them along. If you are upfront about it and they are not patient enough to wait until the time is right then its their hard luck. We laugh it off and move on.
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Have to agree, firstly, if someone does not understand then a fair chance that they are not for you, however, you can usually tell if they are messing you around with the odd hidden verification in the last year
Not that we are great as we are busy so please don't block us lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not at all...I think it's healthy to be honest, to have a life outside of this...we have friends who are in the same boat, we've met for a socisl and on comparing diaries, have had to organise play dates months in advance...did they go ahead? A bsolutely...we have great friends who we know understand our circumstances as we do theirshtoo...it almost makesut better  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We have busy lives, I think everyone does. But it works both ways and in all honesty as our time is precious our interest in someone who has one hidden verification in 6 months and who doesn't know when or even if they could meet someone then our interest would be non-existant."
Totally understand that, and think I'd be pretty much the same
It is what it is though, and at the mo there's not too much we can do about it., working 9-5 Monday -Friday in our jobs just isn't an option. . Those we've spoken to, know this.
That's all we can do i suppose. . Be honest and keep our fingers crossed x |
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