FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > I'm too fat....
I'm too fat....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's what N keeps saying.
I have always complimented and loved her exactly for who she is. She's always hated her tummy but it's really getting to her now. As in; enough to stop swinging until she's lost some weight.
Stopping swinging is fine. I just don't seem to have the right words to lift her out of this.
Help ladies! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any woman regardless of size and shape will have been through this.
Everyone can say that she is beautiful etc, but until she feels confident for herself in her own skin unfortunately that won't change (please don't stop saying those nice things though!)
Is it possible she is not entirely comfortable with swinging or have you guys had some not so nice messages? This could all make her feel not so good.
Good Luck x you'll need to go at her pace on this one x
Mrs Red x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for the compliments but she doesn't bother with fab much.
She's very happy swinging. This is a body image thing.
When we got together 13 years ago she was slim but still had a saggy baby tummy. She hated it then too. It really doesn't bother me. I'm not chasing girls without them either. She's the only lady I want.
We've played with lots of guys of all shapes and ages. you know what I'm saying; they all thought her sexy.
I hate seeing her sad. Hate it when she hates herself. I wouldn't change anything about her except this self loathing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now."
That's exactly the way I think when I feel a bit off about myself. It really helps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She needs to get a grip.If all she has to worry about is a bit of a mummy tummy then shes a very lucky person."
'Get a grip' is a little harsh?
N looks gorgeous in her photos. Can't say i notice a mummy tummy and she has great legs! This something only she can sort for herself but needs support. Heck, she probably knows herself that its daft! But if she wants to pause until she loses weight then support herthrough that.
It's a woman thing. There aren't many of us who are totally comfortable in our own skin. Without wanting to open up a whole other debate I do believe the media and male behaviour contributes to this. We all have something we are a little conscious about. For me it's my bum. I know I'm in pretty good shape, but my ass (in comparison to my very slight upper body) seems (to me) huge! I can be told I'm being silly til the cows come home but that's just how i feel.
Anyway...I'm rambling. Clearly we all disagree and think N looks fab, but just support her, help her, and let her do this for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now."
It does indeed. Hope she gets through it Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if the words of the one she loves, and who loves her, most in the world, are not enough, then the words of a forum full of strangers are going to make little, or no difference either.
all you can do is be supportive of anything and everything she wants to do, as you normally would.
and continue to be as appreciative of her sexiness as you already are being.
and, to back up everyone elses opinions, i think she looks absolutely fine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ! But sorry to say the mind of a woman cannot be read ? If they think something about themselves it doesn't matter how much reassurance anyone gives them ?
I like most think she looks stunning but all you can do is help her get away from this mind set ? Take her to a gym she may then see that really she looks great?
Hope she comes round to our way of thinking ? We are what we are and have to like who we are ? If not no one can Do anything !!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now."
I feel for your friend. There are always people with situations worse than your own. I appreciate that.
I'm not moaning about a mummy tummy. Nor the two stone she feels she is carrying extra.
The photos posted are taken to compliment her as are the ones of me.
It's N who has the issues with her body. Not me. If I thought a "pull yourself together. There are kids starving in other countries" speech would help, I'd say one.
I adore her as she is. I KNOW I'm a very lucky man. When I make love with her I lift myself up and look at her. She feels it excite me more. She KNOWS I adore her as she is.
She KNOWS she isn't massively overweight and other people have far more to worry about but all that won't detract from how she's actually feeling right now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now."
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
I feel for your friend. There are always people with situations worse than your own. I appreciate that.
I'm not moaning about a mummy tummy. Nor the two stone she feels she is carrying extra.
The photos posted are taken to compliment her as are the ones of me.
It's N who has the issues with her body. Not me. If I thought a "pull yourself together. There are kids starving in other countries" speech would help, I'd say one.
I adore her as she is. I KNOW I'm a very lucky man. When I make love with her I lift myself up and look at her. She feels it excite me more. She KNOWS I adore her as she is.
She KNOWS she isn't massively overweight and other people have far more to worry about but all that won't detract from how she's actually feeling right now. "
Just my thoughts here but if she lost two stone I think it would make her far too thin. I'm not saying she wants to as I don't know her but maybe half a stone would make her happier? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have just looked at her pics..she is gorgeous and no way fat..curves in all the right places..but it wont matter who tells her different she wont believe..she has to believe herself..
My partnet keeps telling me im gorg but i dont feel it..i know im fat..x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she honestly feels that way (pics are lovely by the way) then all the complaining in the world, or the deserved compliments on here aren't going to change it.
Solution- stop complaining and do something about it.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems."
Perfectly put  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's what N keeps saying.
I have always complimented and loved her exactly for who she is. She's always hated her tummy but it's really getting to her now. As in; enough to stop swinging until she's lost some weight.
Stopping swinging is fine. I just don't seem to have the right words to lift her out of this.
Help ladies!"
She got great arse x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's what N keeps saying.
I have always complimented and loved her exactly for who she is. She's always hated her tummy but it's really getting to her now. As in; enough to stop swinging until she's lost some weight.
Stopping swinging is fine. I just don't seem to have the right words to lift her out of this.
Help ladies!"
Maybe she doesnt have the heart to disappoint you, and is using her body as her way of telling you by shes had enough of swinging full stop. 
As Women we tend to write between the lines, and expect our other halves to appreciate and understand that..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she honestly feels that way (pics are lovely by the way) then all the complaining in the world, or the deserved compliments on here aren't going to change it.
Solution- stop complaining and do something about it.
Good luck. "
Couldn't agree more. If shes not happy perhaps she should take a break and do something about it and come back when she's happier with herself? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for everyone's input. I will be saying I think we should take a break or quit the scene.
Ironically, seeing other ladies with similar body shape in clubs seemed to make her more comfortable with her own. We even found ourselves on naturist beaches.
One things for sure though. We 'll be talking lots more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a three year period where my awful body image put paid to wanting to do anything sexual. I eventually snapped myself out of it. Nothing anyone said, or did or didn't do. I just released where it was leading (no sex life) and thought, fuck it. And that's what I'm doing.
Be supportive, keep paying the compliments and saying great things like it seems you are. They might not make the difference but your lady wife might look back and be grateful for your support.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for everyone's input. I will be saying I think we should take a break or quit the scene.
Ironically, seeing other ladies with similar body shape in clubs seemed to make her more comfortable with her own. We even found ourselves on naturist beaches.
One things for sure though. We 'll be talking lots more. "
Well at least she has a partner who cares as you seem to. That's priceless. Oh and she looks lovely, although it's hard to tell who is who on some pics ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just looked at her pics..she is gorgeous and no way fat..curves in all the right places..but it wont matter who tells her different she wont believe..she has to believe herself..
My partnet keeps telling me im gorg but i dont feel it..i know im fat..x"
do you really think that someone needs to be slim to be gorgeous? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell her she's not fat, she's provocatively plump. That'll cheer her up
She's not even plump so I doubt that will make her very happy  "
She'll love it. Combine that with a box of chocs and she'll be in heaven.
Never works for me!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems."
Yes I suppose everyones problems are all relative to themselves but yet again I would still rather have a mummy tum..which I have too...
My friend has battled cancer for 6 years now but its all in her blood and bones and back in her other lung and been given 3 months maximum....but yes I guess this is still not relevant to people as its not happening to them.  |
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems.
Yes I suppose everyones problems are all relative to themselves but yet again I would still rather have a mummy tum..which I have too...
My friend has battled cancer for 6 years now but its all in her blood and bones and back in her other lung and been given 3 months maximum....but yes I guess this is still not relevant to people as its not happening to them. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems.
Yes I suppose everyones problems are all relative to themselves but yet again I would still rather have a mummy tum..which I have too...
My friend has battled cancer for 6 years now but its all in her blood and bones and back in her other lung and been given 3 months maximum....but yes I guess this is still not relevant to people as its not happening to them. "
see, now your just coming across as a little bitter.
no one is saying your friend has it easy, but there are people who would look at your friend and say 'well, at least you have had some sort of life for some period of time'
we can all find examples of people that have it worse off than others that say they have problems.
still doesnt mean one persons problems are less severe TO THEM than someone elses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems.
Yes I suppose everyones problems are all relative to themselves but yet again I would still rather have a mummy tum..which I have too...
My friend has battled cancer for 6 years now but its all in her blood and bones and back in her other lung and been given 3 months maximum....but yes I guess this is still not relevant to people as its not happening to them.
see, now your just coming across as a little bitter.
no one is saying your friend has it easy, but there are people who would look at your friend and say 'well, at least you have had some sort of life for some period of time'
we can all find examples of people that have it worse off than others that say they have problems.
still doesnt mean one persons problems are less severe TO THEM than someone elses."
No..I was actually agreeing with you so you interpreted this very wrong. I am certainly not bitter that my friend is dying but the experience of watching this has changed my perspective on the views of peoples attitude and what I want out of life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now.
im sorry, but you cant compare the 2.
yes, your friend has been dealt a seriously horrid hand in life, and hopefully she continues to make the best of things, however, what one person finds stressful another will find trivial.
V worries where the next penny is coming from to pay her household bills.
her sister, the biggest worry she has is whether she will have the chance to get her nails done.
to us, thats trivial, but her sister stresses and manics over it.
so, to N her mummy tummy is a terrible, horrible thing, on a par with your friends life problems TO HER...you cant quantify it by standing it side by side someone elses problems.
Yes I suppose everyones problems are all relative to themselves but yet again I would still rather have a mummy tum..which I have too...
My friend has battled cancer for 6 years now but its all in her blood and bones and back in her other lung and been given 3 months maximum....but yes I guess this is still not relevant to people as its not happening to them.
see, now your just coming across as a little bitter.
no one is saying your friend has it easy, but there are people who would look at your friend and say 'well, at least you have had some sort of life for some period of time'
we can all find examples of people that have it worse off than others that say they have problems.
still doesnt mean one persons problems are less severe TO THEM than someone elses.
No..I was actually agreeing with you so you interpreted this very wrong. I am certainly not bitter that my friend is dying but the experience of watching this has changed my perspective on the views of peoples attitude and what I want out of life. "
my apologies, then.
i obviously did read your secondary reply wrongly.
and i do sincerely hope your friend makes the most of what she has left. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My friend at 31 had to have both her breasts removed, half her lung..full hysterectomy and cervix removed..steel rods in the hips and cancer is now making her bones break..Didnt have chance to have children..and your complaining as you have childen, your health and a life..
Put things into perspective as I'd rather have a saggy tummy then what my friend is going through right now."
That really does put things into perspective |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think I need to point out any pics where you can see a tummy; they are of me not N.
well you look great in stockings and heels then lol"
Thank you but this is about her. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For clarity I have removed the pics of me on my own. "
If you are unhappy with your size then you are the only one that can change that may I suggest slimming world as you do get a lot of support and zumba classes I am now addicted to aqua zumba I am going twice a week and loving it x |
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"It's something she has to do herself. learning to feel good about yourself isn't always easy. All you can do is support her. "
yep! Nothing we can say will change anyone's mind about the way they look that comes from within oneself.
Frankly if I had an issue with the way I looked being discussed openly on a swingers forum wouldn't help much, the opinions of strangers are really not the way to improve self esteem. |
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"It's something she has to do herself. learning to feel good about yourself isn't always easy. All you can do is support her.
yep! Nothing we can say will change anyone's mind about the way they look that comes from within oneself.
Frankly if I had an issue with the way I looked being discussed openly on a swingers forum wouldn't help much, the opinions of strangers are really not the way to improve self esteem."
This! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its not how others perceive you its how you perceive yourself that matters so if she 'sees' herself as fat and its affecting her this way then it doesn't matter what anyone says she will still have this mindset.
Soooooooooo what you do is encourage and support her in getting on a good diet plan that suits her and support her in this until she feels good about her weight and is a decent BMI, however, if the lack of confidence and depression carries on after the weight loss, then it never was the extra weight and she may need help.
Trust me, telling her she isnt fat doesnt work. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had another look. the beach pics are lovely and I love the flower tattoo. She definitely isn't fat especially as she is able to wear tiny skirts "
Sorry. I put the pics of me back up. The tattoo pic, tiny skirts, red heels, long haired brunette, blonde bob pics are me.
The chameleon in the small of her back, sat astride a guy, beach pics etc are her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had another look. the beach pics are lovely and I love the flower tattoo. She definitely isn't fat especially as she is able to wear tiny skirts
Sorry. I put the pics of me back up. The tattoo pic, tiny skirts, red heels, long haired brunette, blonde bob pics are me.
The chameleon in the small of her back, sat astride a guy, beach pics etc are her. "
Oops sorry genuine mistake. but I still like the tattoo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had another look. the beach pics are lovely and I love the flower tattoo. She definitely isn't fat especially as she is able to wear tiny skirts
Sorry. I put the pics of me back up. The tattoo pic, tiny skirts, red heels, long haired brunette, blonde bob pics are me.
The chameleon in the small of her back, sat astride a guy, beach pics etc are her.
Oops sorry genuine mistake. but I still like the tattoo "
But your wife is still slimmer than me and not big at all. I feel a right twit now  |
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I suppose sometimes through our lives we have body image issues...sometimes I look in the mirror and think bloody hell cheeky you have got some wobble on you...However I look back at when I was obsessed with the way I looked...I wouldn't eat and I'd starve myself....I don't want to be that person I'm lucky as I've now grown to love myself which is a huge achievement. Carry on supporting her she will get over it...good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you miss cheeky.
Things seem to be calmer again now. We went out that night and she wore my black skater dress. I called her a bitch for looking better in it. She seemed to like that.
I'll amend our profile, again , not that anyone reads it, to reflect who's who.
Thanks everyone. Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you miss cheeky.
Things seem to be calmer again now. We went out that night and she wore my black skater dress. I called her a bitch for looking better in it. She seemed to like that.
I'll amend our profile, again , not that anyone reads it, to reflect who's who.
Thanks everyone. Xxxx"
Hugs to you both. xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and lost all her lovely long hair and eye brows through intensive chemo. "
Oh bless, send her special hugs and kisses from me, fingers crossed she will get through this xxxx |
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Very sad to hear just how others feel about themselves. Its how 'they'feel tho, and sometimes , no amount of support from others helps, until they themselves start to believe and accept themselves for the unique being they are.
Puts it all into perspective, as onlookers can see a beautiful person, yet they are suffering with self doubt etc .... Enough to spoil everyday living/ life in general. Life is a strange thing at times.... Often the first place to start is with yourself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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H is feeling like this we have stopped swinging and now have less sex then ever and it doesnt matter what I say to help her she pulls herself down and hates showing her body to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not how others perceive you its how you perceive yourself that matters so if she 'sees' herself as fat and its affecting her this way then it doesn't matter what anyone says she will still have this mindset.
Soooooooooo what you do is encourage and support her in getting on a good diet plan that suits her and support her in this until she feels good about her weight and is a decent BMI, however, if the lack of confidence and depression carries on after the weight loss, then it never was the extra weight and she may need help.
Trust me, telling her she isnt fat doesnt work."
So many people have body issues it doesn't only apply to women. Maybe she needs to explore why she feels the way she does. If it is just a weight issue then it can be resolved with diet and exercise but as the above quote states if the problem persists beyond that then perhaps seek some counselling and work out what is triggering her negativity.
Feeling/being sexy has as much to do with mindset than how one looks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its not how others perceive you its how you perceive yourself that matters so if she 'sees' herself as fat and its affecting her this way then it doesn't matter what anyone says she will still have this mindset.
Soooooooooo what you do is encourage and support her in getting on a good diet plan that suits her and support her in this until she feels good about her weight and is a decent BMI, however, if the lack of confidence and depression carries on after the weight loss, then it never was the extra weight and she may need help.
Trust me, telling her she isnt fat doesnt work.
So many people have body issues it doesn't only apply to women. Maybe she needs to explore why she feels the way she does. If it is just a weight issue then it can be resolved with diet and exercise but as the above quote states if the problem persists beyond that then perhaps seek some counselling and work out what is triggering her negativity.
Feeling/being sexy has as much to do with mindset than how one looks. "
*as not than! |
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"That's what N keeps saying.
I have always complimented and loved her exactly for who she is. She's always hated her tummy but it's really getting to her now. As in; enough to stop swinging until she's lost some weight.
Stopping swinging is fine. I just don't seem to have the right words to lift her out of this.
Help ladies!"
I agree with every comment I've read in that your wife has a beautiful body and is not overweight at all. However, having a jelly belly myself after having two children for which I am very blessed, the only time I was happy with my belly was when I did Pilates. Your wife may find this helpful as it is far easier than calorie counting and going to gym.
You may all shout at me now but I suspect that no matter how many ppl say her body is beautiful, she will still argue otherwise so I have offered what I hope may be a helpful suggestion.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your a lucky guy to have such a stunning wife !! Good luck with convincing her, I guess all you can do is compliment her body every time you see her naked, she's a very attractive lady xx |
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By *jandcCouple
over a year ago
Darlington |
Having just looked at your pics I would say she looks as good as canbe. It is hard if you do feel shitty about yourself, know the feeling well, so just give her time and loads of support |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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N is not fat. I do get how she feels tho. I know it is nothing compared to what some ppl are going thru, but I hate my post c-section tum my husband doesn't get it as I enjoy taking sexy pics, but when it comes to getting dressed and putting clothes on...I hate it and it's so silly, but everyone has hang ups at the end of the day. Just keep giving her lots of reassurance. Perhaps suggest that u could work out together? x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Haven't read thread but if she's unhappy with her body then she needs to put the graft in to sort it out, diet and exercise-wise. Simple, no?"
Diet and exercise would help but when she's skinny there is still the baby skin. That's the bit she hates.
Obviously I'm not going to take a picture that shows what she dislikes so much.
It's never bothered me. It was there when we met and I love her as she is. |
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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago
Near Bristol |
Our life experiences make us the people we are!
She has baby skin because she has experienced the celebration of child birth! Some unwanted skin isn't a bad trade off for creating life! (ok disregard all the other hassles kids can cause for a minute).
Give me laughter lines on a face every time rather than a person who doesn't laugh.
Low self esteem might put an end to swinging but a mummy tummy / skin certainly won't!
As a man I have never found that unattractive, it's just part of life!
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We haven't heard from the lady herself but those of us who weren't aware now know that she has a baby tummy, how is that going to help? I honestly don't believe that this kind of thread well intentioned as it may be, will help a person who has issues with their body. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I started this as a cry for help from a hubby who do desperately wanted some decent suggestions from you ladies on how to actually help my lady felt better about herself.
It's so frustrating as a fella when the lady you adore just hates everything you love.
I love the way N feels in my arms. The way she looks and moves. I'm not really interested in any other female other than her.
When we started swinging it was for two reasons. One was for the thrill for us both of mmf or more. The other was to allow me to explore my bi side. Both of these get fulfilled and we both really enjoy it.
I have pulled us away from swinging, certainly from meets, as a direct result of N's feelings about herself at the moment.
Perhaps the attention I draw by dressing up has made her look at herself differently. That was suggested. I now feel I should banish that exploration.
This whole thread has pretty much ensured I now feel as crap as she does. Lesson learned, eh. |
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"I started this as a cry for help from a hubby who do desperately wanted some decent suggestions from you ladies on how to actually help my lady felt better about herself.
It's so frustrating as a fella when the lady you adore just hates everything you love.
I love the way N feels in my arms. The way she looks and moves. I'm not really interested in any other female other than her.
When we started swinging it was for two reasons. One was for the thrill for us both of mmf or more. The other was to allow me to explore my bi side. Both of these get fulfilled and we both really enjoy it.
I have pulled us away from swinging, certainly from meets, as a direct result of N's feelings about herself at the moment.
Perhaps the attention I draw by dressing up has made her look at herself differently. That was suggested. I now feel I should banish that exploration.
This whole thread has pretty much ensured I now feel as crap as she does. Lesson learned, eh. "
really? Over opinions of random strangers on a swinging site?! Bottom line is you have to have a very thick skin on here , and not allow others to penetrate an already delicate situation .. One of the reasons we are amazed at times, just how much others open up and tell about themselves. In an ideal world all is sugar coated and dandy ... There are many also , who can out others insecurities and toss peoples real feelings aside.. Much to others detriment . You both sound like you need consentrate on each other and yourselves as individuals.... If a person is not happy with themselves, having others in the equasion just masks the problems and could infact do more harm than good . Wish you both all the best and hope happy times return for you both . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's something she has to do herself. learning to feel good about yourself isn't always easy. All you can do is support her.
yep! Nothing we can say will change anyone's mind about the way they look that comes from within oneself.
Frankly if I had an issue with the way I looked being discussed openly on a swingers forum wouldn't help much, the opinions of strangers are really not the way to improve self esteem."
th |
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"Is it not time this thread got closed by the moderator?
In answer to a recent question; I have learned that I am too open for my own good.
"
If you're concerned about the content report it and ask for it to be closed. If its upsetting you maybe you could ask for it to be removed |
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