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In my experience 1
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By *ntune OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Thought I would pass on my thoughts to new male members...just a bit of fun and might help some, by no means is this a definitive set of rules
Topic One1)
Regardless of whatever it says on a profile regarding sending messages only send a short "hello how are you today" (with photos) type of message as an initial opening.
Reason for this is simple, the chances of getting a reply are much greater if the person receiving is online....you can send a shakespearian opus brilliantly written (which takes time),but women receive 10s if not 100s of messages. By the time youve written your great opening and sent it they are off line and your opus sits on page 2 or 3 of there unread messages list.
Besides if they dont like the pics it doesnt matter...if they do you will probably get a reply so get them pics in quick!
Apologies for grammer etc.
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"Thought I would pass on my thoughts to new male members...just a bit of fun and might help some, by no means is this a definitive set of rules
Topic One1)
Regardless of whatever it says on a profile regarding sending messages only send a short "hello how are you today" (with photos) type of message as an initial opening.
Reason for this is simple, the chances of getting a reply are much greater if the person receiving is online....you can send a shakespearian opus brilliantly written (which takes time),but women receive 10s if not 100s of messages. By the time youve written your great opening and sent it they are off line and your opus sits on page 2 or 3 of there unread messages list.
Besides if they dont like the pics it doesnt matter...if they do you will probably get a reply so get them pics in quick!
Apologies for grammer etc.
"
I kind of agree with you there, although make the message slightly longer than one line of you can. For us anyway there has to be an immediate attraction physically  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree when I am looking all I need is a message that says here are my pics - im either attracted or not. Im not one that demands a complex first message. Its hard enough for guys as it is. After I reply tho - a little though and profile read is what keeps the conversation flowing x |
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By *ntune OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Milfy that leads me too...
Topic 2 Patience patience and more patience
This is even more true for a newbie with no verifications but remember people are coming and going off this site all the time, there is a natural turnover of opportunities.
Sometimes Ive gone weeks sending messages and getting nowhere then hit a week where everything happens.
If you do get some replies (after topic 1) now is the time to tailor you replies (patience), try and get a feel for the person...some people leteverything happen very quickly and others more sedate.
Personally I dont get too invested in someone untill Ive had at least one meet face to face...
Remember this site is a totally different experience for women, they have to turn up and meet a TOTAL stranger off a sex site...very brave! you give them ANY reason to doubt you and its all off (and I dont mean their clothes) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its worth playing the long game !if you are looking for more than just a one off! By this I mean a social meet etc ! Some men just don't get that some ladies need to feel comfortable and confident you are not a selfish dull empty shell!! As most of us are looking for a man with personality... The mind is what makes us want you not the size shape or colour of your dick !!!!!! |
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We get completely sick of messages saying "hello how are you today"! It is boring, futile, and a waste of time in our opinion, would rather get straight to the point. It doesn't have to be more than a couple of sentences, but "how are you" is not really what we are here for, we usually just ignore them. |
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We get a LOT of one liners. And for fun, we now answer them, ie:
"How you doing?"
"fine."
strange, we never hear back. Do you know why? 'Cos the average one liner doesn't have the potential to actually indulge in conversation and so when they get a response in kind, they simply cannot think of what to say next.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its worth playing the long game !if you are looking for more than just a one off! By this I mean a social meet etc ! Some men just don't get that some ladies need to feel comfortable and confident you are not a selfish dull empty shell!! As most of us are looking for a man with personality... The mind is what makes us want you not the size shape or colour of your dick !!!!!! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get a LOT of one liners. And for fun, we now answer them, ie:
"How you doing?"
"fine."
strange, we never hear back. Do you know why? 'Cos the average one liner doesn't have the potential to actually indulge in conversation and so when they get a response in kind, they simply cannot think of what to say next.
"
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"We get a LOT of one liners. And for fun, we now answer them, ie:
"How you doing?"
"fine."
strange, we never hear back. Do you know why? 'Cos the average one liner doesn't have the potential to actually indulge in conversation and so when they get a response in kind, they simply cannot think of what to say next.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thought I would pass on my thoughts to new male members...just a bit of fun and might help some, by no means is this a definitive set of rules
Topic One1)
Regardless of whatever it says on a profile regarding sending messages only send a short "hello how are you today" (with photos) type of message as an initial opening.
Reason for this is simple, the chances of getting a reply are much greater if the person receiving is online....you can send a shakespearian opus brilliantly written (which takes time),but women receive 10s if not 100s of messages. By the time youve written your great opening and sent it they are off line and your opus sits on page 2 or 3 of there unread messages list.
Besides if they dont like the pics it doesnt matter...if they do you will probably get a reply so get them pics in quick!
Apologies for grammer etc.
"
You and your messages can't be that bad you've had meets |
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By *ntune OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
Topic 3 A couple of finer points...
Psychology...we are all different people on different days...the woman you message on Tuesday may reject / delete your message but reply (to exactly the same message) on Friday. I have had this happen to me...the reasons are many but all equally valid...we all have lives outside this site and other things to do, learn to respect its not all about you.
Interesting to note when this happened to me the woman in question did not even remember the first message, just goes to show the amount of mail a new or in demand woman has to deal with can be overwhelming...however if your second message is deleted move on and do not be a pest
If your lucky enough to arrange a meet I would say the sooner the better if possible, too long between agreeing and meeting has sunk many an arranged meet of mine...
I always approach an arranged meet as a possibility, at least (in myexperience) 50% of women will cancel before it happens...learn to live with this reality and save yourself a lot of frustration...I have found the most common time for a cancel is between 6 and 2 HOURS before the meet.
If you handle it maturely you can usually reschedule and the success rate is then nearly 100% (because you havent kicked off like a spoiled child)
I usually have something else that can be easily substituted for a canceled meet, saves you sitting at home brooding about time wasters etc(remember its a brave step for the woman) |
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"We get a LOT of one liners. And for fun, we now answer them, ie:
"How you doing?"
"fine."
strange, we never hear back. Do you know why? 'Cos the average one liner doesn't have the potential to actually indulge in conversation and so when they get a response in kind, they simply cannot think of what to say next.
"
I play this game too 
I reply only to what I'm asked. If they then respond with a proper conversation great. But if it's just how are you... What are you up to... You at work... Then they get short answers and are marked as a no thanks before they've even asked. 
Like Densol, if I'm interested a hello, how are you with a clear face pic is a sufficient opener. It's what they say in the second and third message that matters. And tbh the second message can be "so what do you think, should we meet" and the third could be where and when.  |
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I agree with you OP on all 3 topics.
Some good advice this.
I start my message to somone im attracted to along the lines of "hey there how are you, hope your days going well so far, come across your profile and I think your pics look awesome.... heres a few of mine if you think im your type get in touch"
Thats pretty much all that a opening message is required.
if they are interested they will reply and then the more thoughtful longer messages can begin.
but theres no point writing an epic essay telling somone everything about you and what you can bring to the table and so on.
when that message often just sits there unread and ending up on page 3,4,5 the longer its unread, or it just gets deleted.
so yup thumbs up for your advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with you OP on all 3 topics.
Some good advice this.
I start my message to somone im attracted to along the lines of "hey there how are you, hope your days going well so far, come across your profile and I think your pics look awesome.... heres a few of mine if you think im your type get in touch"
Thats pretty much all that a opening message is required.
if they are interested they will reply and then the more thoughtful longer messages can begin.
but theres no point writing an epic essay telling somone everything about you and what you can bring to the table and so on.
when that message often just sits there unread and ending up on page 3,4,5 the longer its unread, or it just gets deleted.
so yup thumbs up for your advice "
Lets face it..with pics like yours I shouldn't imagine you have to say a lot at all  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"your tone throughout this is all about meeting women. I thought swinging was about more than that."
Swinging is different things to different people and the OP is interested in meeting women so presumably writes from his perspective and what he says makes a lot of sense - in the opinion of a single woman who meets single guys!
If he wrote suggesting how single women/couples should approach things he would all too likely be lambasted for being a know all!! |
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"I agree with you OP on all 3 topics.
Some good advice this.
I start my message to somone im attracted to along the lines of "hey there how are you, hope your days going well so far, come across your profile and I think your pics look awesome.... heres a few of mine if you think im your type get in touch"
Thats pretty much all that a opening message is required.
if they are interested they will reply and then the more thoughtful longer messages can begin.
but theres no point writing an epic essay telling somone everything about you and what you can bring to the table and so on.
when that message often just sits there unread and ending up on page 3,4,5 the longer its unread, or it just gets deleted.
so yup thumbs up for your advice
Lets face it..with pics like yours I shouldn't imagine you have to say a lot at all "
ha ha
wish that was true |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with you OP on all 3 topics.
Some good advice this.
I start my message to somone im attracted to along the lines of "hey there how are you, hope your days going well so far, come across your profile and I think your pics look awesome.... heres a few of mine if you think im your type get in touch"
Thats pretty much all that a opening message is required.
if they are interested they will reply and then the more thoughtful longer messages can begin.
but theres no point writing an epic essay telling somone everything about you and what you can bring to the table and so on.
when that message often just sits there unread and ending up on page 3,4,5 the longer its unread, or it just gets deleted.
so yup thumbs up for your advice
Lets face it..with pics like yours I shouldn't imagine you have to say a lot at all
ha ha
wish that was true "
So modest  |
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I'm far from inundated with hundreds of messages, I barely get two a day from folk I don't know. If I get any of those boring messages, I don't even check a profile, it's an instant delete usually.
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By *ntune OP Man
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm far from inundated with hundreds of messages, I barely get two a day from folk I don't know. If I get any of those boring messages, I don't even check a profile, it's an instant delete usually.
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That is your prerogative Topsy, Im just giving advice to newbies regards the realities of this site for single guys...I know for women its a totally different user experience..as I point out in Topics 2 & 3 |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
As a single guy I never followed any of the above advice from the OP and I didn't do too bad over the years.
Just my advice to any newbies - we were all new once.
The only advice I'd ever give is be yourself.
If that doesn't work - nothing will. There's no magic wand, no secret formula or one size fits all.
A |
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