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Finding a dominant guy
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So I'm looking to explore my naturally submissive side and I put a status on here so that local guys could see I'm considering it (I think its still up)
I've had a few people contact me. Unfortunately I've turned them down as I don't find them attractive and I feel this is an important part to the experience I'm looking for.
This hasn't gone down well with a few, who think if they can be aggressive and threatening through the messages they send my knickers will come flying off
Am I wrong to be looking for mutual attraction and trust before launching into the kind of experiences I want? Some of the dominant guys who have messaged me say it shouldn't matter if I'm attracted to them, if I'm their submissive I don't have that choice 
Already going to start putting my details onto a site for people who live a life of fetish, if you catch my drift.
Does anyone have any advice or tips for finding and starting a "relationship" like this?
Ps, please ignore my current profile text, I was in a very facetious mood yesterday, in fact I was a real cunt. That will change  |
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My opinion for what its worth. Anyone who claims that attraction doesn't come into it should be avoided! It would seem to me that they want to abuse women, not Dom them, there is a vast difference!
Anyway, I know this thread will get all bitchy, because the BDSM subject always seems to polarize vastly differing views, with many people believing that their way is the right way...... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i think "dominant" is one of those weird words in swinging that people think actually says a lot, but in reality says very little because in a swinging context it is a "blah/meh" word that is very general....
if you know what you are looking for... tell people, or describe to people what your vision actually is!
don't leave it to the other person to decipher because people are normally really shitty mind readers!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd go and use a professional Dom with proper equipment. Say you're dipping your toe and he'll hopefully have the experience to get the best out you.
Just my opinion, good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd go and use a professional Dom with proper equipment. Say you're dipping your toe and he'll hopefully have the experience to get the best out you.
Just my opinion, good luck "
Didn't even know they existed!
Thanks guys |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"i think "dominant" is one of those weird words in swinging that people think actually says a lot, but in reality says very little because in a swinging context it is a "blah/meh" word that is very general....
if you know what you are looking for... tell people, or describe to people what your vision actually is!
don't leave it to the other person to decipher because people are normally really shitty mind readers!!!!"
I know roughly what I'm aiming for (assuming its a good choice for me). Essentially I want a fuck buddy that can do the whole dominant submissive relationship thing in the bedroom or wherever but I want my own life back when I'm not there.
Off to google for professionals |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unfortunately there are too many on here who claim to be dominant, me and my master are switch, but I'm his sub until I want to take charge"
Don't think I've got the attitude for switching tbh, seems a little out of my depth |
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I know what you mean. I thought I was in various chats with 'doms' on this site. Omg, how wrong I was. Just through msg's they behaved like overgrown boys but def not dom men. Also a complete humour by-pass too. Lol
You go by your gut instinct too.
As a aside, any proper dom guys in London, please stop by and say hello? (  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately there are too many on here who claim to be dominant, me and my master are switch, but I'm his sub until I want to take charge
Don't think I've got the attitude for switching tbh, seems a little out of my depth"
I always thought I was submissive but I found out the more I spoke to my master that I was more switch |
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This is by no means chapter and verse on the subject but hopefully some useful pointers!
You do need to be clear and defined on where the D/s aspect will start and end, for some they live their life 24/7 I. The lifestyle for others it's merely on a play level.
You then also need to know limits hard and soft and of course safe words as in some scenarios stop doesn't mean a thing. 
A good Dom will talk you through all this and get the lay of the land and find out how you wish to proceed. 
A poor Dom will just bark out some orders thinking a slap round the face or bum is what you need and a few names while you suck his cock!
Good luck in your search and hope the random ramblings help |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"This is by no means chapter and verse on the subject but hopefully some useful pointers!
You do need to be clear and defined on where the D/s aspect will start and end, for some they live their life 24/7 I. The lifestyle for others it's merely on a play level.
You then also need to know limits hard and soft and of course safe words as in some scenarios stop doesn't mean a thing.
A good Dom will talk you through all this and get the lay of the land and find out how you wish to proceed.
A poor Dom will just bark out some orders thinking a slap round the face or bum is what you need and a few names while you suck his cock!
Good luck in your search and hope the random ramblings help "
They do help!
At the moment all I'm finding in my area are mistresses. Given the complete absence of bisexuality I have, they aren't going to cut it lol |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"So I'm looking to explore my naturally submissive side and I put a status on here so that local guys could see I'm considering it (I think its still up)
I've had a few people contact me. Unfortunately I've turned them down as I don't find them attractive and I feel this is an important part to the experience I'm looking for.
This hasn't gone down well with a few, who think if they can be aggressive and threatening through the messages they send my knickers will come flying off
Am I wrong to be looking for mutual attraction and trust before launching into the kind of experiences I want? Some of the dominant guys who have messaged me say it shouldn't matter if I'm attracted to them, if I'm their submissive I don't have that choice
Already going to start putting my details onto a site for people who live a life of fetish, if you catch my drift.
Does anyone have any advice or tips for finding and starting a "relationship" like this?
Ps, please ignore my current profile text, I was in a very facetious mood yesterday, in fact I was a real cunt. That will change "
Too many people state they are dom and don't have the first clue. They think it's all about abuse. Attraction is of course important and that varies from person to person. But trust, genuine trust, is vital. If guys think they can just turn up and abuse you to fulfil their OWN needs they are not dom and, most likely, don't especially like or value women. Avoid those who go into detailed scenarios without actually knowing you. Do your research. Find out what kind of things are out there. |
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"This is by no means chapter and verse on the subject but hopefully some useful pointers!
You do need to be clear and defined on where the D/s aspect will start and end, for some they live their life 24/7 I. The lifestyle for others it's merely on a play level.
You then also need to know limits hard and soft and of course safe words as in some scenarios stop doesn't mean a thing.
A good Dom will talk you through all this and get the lay of the land and find out how you wish to proceed.
A poor Dom will just bark out some orders thinking a slap round the face or bum is what you need and a few names while you suck his cock!
Good luck in your search and hope the random ramblings help
They do help!
At the moment all I'm finding in my area are mistresses. Given the complete absence of bisexuality I have, they aren't going to cut it lol"
Would be a stern test of your obedience |
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"So I'm looking to explore my naturally submissive side and I put a status on here so that local guys could see I'm considering it (I think its still up)
I've had a few people contact me. Unfortunately I've turned them down as I don't find them attractive and I feel this is an important part to the experience I'm looking for.
This hasn't gone down well with a few, who think if they can be aggressive and threatening through the messages they send my knickers will come flying off
Am I wrong to be looking for mutual attraction and trust before launching into the kind of experiences I want? Some of the dominant guys who have messaged me say it shouldn't matter if I'm attracted to them, if I'm their submissive I don't have that choice
Already going to start putting my details onto a site for people who live a life of fetish, if you catch my drift.
Does anyone have any advice or tips for finding and starting a "relationship" like this?
Ps, please ignore my current profile text, I was in a very facetious mood yesterday, in fact I was a real cunt. That will change
Too many people state they are dom and don't have the first clue. They think it's all about abuse. Attraction is of course important and that varies from person to person. But trust, genuine trust, is vital. If guys think they can just turn up and abuse you to fulfil their OWN needs they are not dom and, most likely, don't especially like or value women. Avoid those who go into detailed scenarios without actually knowing you. Do your research. Find out what kind of things are out there. "
spot on!!
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"i think "dominant" is one of those weird words in swinging that people think actually says a lot, but in reality says very little because in a swinging context it is a "blah/meh" word that is very general....
if you know what you are looking for... tell people, or describe to people what your vision actually is!
don't leave it to the other person to decipher because people are normally really shitty mind readers!!!!
I know roughly what I'm aiming for (assuming its a good choice for me). Essentially I want a fuck buddy that can do the whole dominant submissive relationship thing in the bedroom or wherever but I want my own life back when I'm not there.
Off to google for professionals "
That's the kind of thing I do with my fb. But we began in fairly vanilla terms. He had a lot more experience than me and together we have explored quite a bit. Nothing too heavy. I certainly wouldn't say I am any kind of expert by any means but I can tell when someone contacts me if they know what they're doing or not. Wannabe Mr Greys get nowhere. I value my safety more than that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm looking to explore my naturally submissive side and I put a status on here so that local guys could see I'm considering it (I think its still up)
I've had a few people contact me. Unfortunately I've turned them down as I don't find them attractive and I feel this is an important part to the experience I'm looking for.
This hasn't gone down well with a few, who think if they can be aggressive and threatening through the messages they send my knickers will come flying off
Am I wrong to be looking for mutual attraction and trust before launching into the kind of experiences I want? Some of the dominant guys who have messaged me say it shouldn't matter if I'm attracted to them, if I'm their submissive I don't have that choice
Already going to start putting my details onto a site for people who live a life of fetish, if you catch my drift.
Does anyone have any advice or tips for finding and starting a "relationship" like this?
Ps, please ignore my current profile text, I was in a very facetious mood yesterday, in fact I was a real cunt. That will change
Too many people state they are dom and don't have the first clue. They think it's all about abuse. Attraction is of course important and that varies from person to person. But trust, genuine trust, is vital. If guys think they can just turn up and abuse you to fulfil their OWN needs they are not dom and, most likely, don't especially like or value women. Avoid those who go into detailed scenarios without actually knowing you. Do your research. Find out what kind of things are out there. "
This  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm looking to explore my naturally submissive side and I put a status on here so that local guys could see I'm considering it (I think its still up)
I've had a few people contact me. Unfortunately I've turned them down as I don't find them attractive and I feel this is an important part to the experience I'm looking for.
This hasn't gone down well with a few, who think if they can be aggressive and threatening through the messages they send my knickers will come flying off
Am I wrong to be looking for mutual attraction and trust before launching into the kind of experiences I want? Some of the dominant guys who have messaged me say it shouldn't matter if I'm attracted to them, if I'm their submissive I don't have that choice
"
A search for a Dominant is like searching for anything on the internet, there are a lot of tins that are labelled biscuits and until you take the lid off you don't know whether they are your flavour, out of date or a crumpet that always wanted to be a biscuit but didn't know how!
Our advice, get involved with the local fetish scene, travel to clubs and munches, get to meet some dominants that practise what they preach and speak to their submissive as well, take up recommendations, references and only then put your trust in someone who knows how to use their power appropriately for YOU! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To me, a genuine Dom, is someone who, Makes your safety number one priority at ALL times, Devotes to you as you will to him, Allows you to have your time away to mentally re adjust, someone you find both mentally and physically attractive yes BUT, please remember, it is only down to a fantastic Sub that the Dom can be allowed to take the role of a good Dom--without you, he is no longer x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd go and use a professional Dom with proper equipment. Say you're dipping your toe and he'll hopefully have the experience to get the best out you.
Just my opinion, good luck "
Great idea, Some people believe they want to be dominated However its not for everyone......  |
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"
A search for a Dominant is like searching for anything on the internet, there are a lot of tins that are labelled biscuits and until you take the lid off you don't know whether they are your flavour, out of date or a crumpet that always wanted to be a biscuit but didn't know how!
"
Lol, yes, I want a biscuit that doesn't know it's a biscuit and acts like a crumpet!!
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've recently changed my profile looking specifically for a dominant guy, it took me a while to word my requirements and what i need from a D/S relationship. I know for me my submission isnt something i give easy and it only emerges for certain people.
Obviously as soon as you state you are looking for a dom you get all the wannabe idiots coming out, but i guess they just help reiterate what you aren't looking for.
Personally i find meeting people for 'normal' swinging meets alot easier than to meet someone for d/s play, i need my dom to get to know me and understand these things take time. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"To me, a genuine Dom, is someone who, Makes your safety number one priority at ALL times, Devotes to you as you will to him, Allows you to have your time away to mentally re adjust, someone you find both mentally and physically attractive yes BUT, please remember, it is only down to a fantastic Sub that the Dom can be allowed to take the role of a good Dom--without you, he is no longer x"
Echo |
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"I know roughly what I'm aiming for (assuming its a good choice for me). Essentially I want a fuck buddy that can do the whole dominant submissive relationship thing in the bedroom or wherever but I want my own life back when I'm not there. "
That's the arrangement I have with my sub FWB and we're having a blast.
I know it's unlikely on this site but perhaps the guys who were saying attraction isn't important are talking about a non-sexual D/s relationship where they just dominate and discipline you? Physical attraction is not necessarily required in that case. That sort of thing is not that uncommon but obviously not what you're looking for so you have to be specific because, as mentioned, there are so many different dynamics in D/s, much like in any interpersonal interaction.
Good luck with your search. I've recently signed up on the site you mentioned with the same user name so feel free to say hi if you want to talk about this stuff with another relative newb. |
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"Personally i find meeting people for 'normal' swinging meets alot easier than to meet someone for d/s play, i need my dom to get to know me and understand these things take time."
Yes, that's the most important thing. You really have to spend time getting to know your sub's anatomy, personality, desires, dislikes etc. It's really not something you can do on a one off meeting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Personally i find meeting people for 'normal' swinging meets alot easier than to meet someone for d/s play, i need my dom to get to know me and understand these things take time.
Yes, that's the most important thing. You really have to spend time getting to know your sub's anatomy, personality, desires, dislikes etc. It's really not something you can do on a one off meeting."
The problem being many men on here dont understand that, and i think it can be a minefield for subs that just want to experiment with their desires |
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Finding a good dom or a good sub is difficult for anyone; there has to be a spark, whether that is pure physical attraction which develops into something deeper, or something less tangible which neither of you can explain but it works.
There is so much crap talked about dominance and submission on the internet (not just fab), that it ends up with people looking at labels and not what is behind them.
I was always very dominant sexually for years and years until someone pressed the right buttons (that I had never considered I had) and now I am a switch and love it; so changed happen with different people and over time.
Take your time, keep looking and find the right person; far better to wait and look and have patience than to jump into the first 'Doms' bed or dungeon.
Having the equipment (as in dungeon equipment) doesn't make the dom good !
Good luck with your search xxx |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
To me there are many levels you can play at and whilst you can play the role of sub, it should be your call on how far you take it.
One thing to watch, in my experience, is the more you fractionate, the more the sub needs to balance later and a sub can be left vulnerable at a number of levels, both parties awareness around this is very important.
Think if I was looking to play sub, I'd be asking other subs for thoughts, and not taking too much advise from a Dom in any form - so I'll shut up - lol |
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"To me there are many levels you can play at and whilst you can play the role of sub, it should be your call on how far you take it.
One thing to watch, in my experience, is the more you fractionate, the more the sub needs to balance later and a sub can be left vulnerable at a number of levels, both parties awareness around this is very important.
Think if I was looking to play sub, I'd be asking other subs for thoughts, and not taking too much advise from a Dom in any form - so I'll shut up - lol "
Care to explain "fractionate" for those who dont understand the term? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"To me there are many levels you can play at and whilst you can play the role of sub, it should be your call on how far you take it.
One thing to watch, in my experience, is the more you fractionate, the more the sub needs to balance later and a sub can be left vulnerable at a number of levels, both parties awareness around this is very important.
Think if I was looking to play sub, I'd be asking other subs for thoughts, and not taking too much advise from a Dom in any form - so I'll shut up - lol
Care to explain "fractionate" for those who dont understand the term?"
fractionate? Is that anything along the lines of distillation or separation? Only ever heard it used in the oil and hydrocarbon industry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive not read all the posts, but one word that hasnt jumped out is respect. Any true dom will have the utmost respect for his sub and safety is a first
Look on the other site for local munches. Chat to the doms and subs there, get a feel for the scene and go from there |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"To me there are many levels you can play at and whilst you can play the role of sub, it should be your call on how far you take it.
One thing to watch, in my experience, is the more you fractionate, the more the sub needs to balance later and a sub can be left vulnerable at a number of levels, both parties awareness around this is very important.
Think if I was looking to play sub, I'd be asking other subs for thoughts, and not taking too much advise from a Dom in any form - so I'll shut up - lol
Care to explain "fractionate" for those who dont understand the term?"
Fractionation can be used on many levels, from a simple physical movement from say using ice then applying warmth. Then moving to something with a bigger difference to create an altered state. Now fractionation can be used in a number of areas. You can emotionally fractionate with a persons feelings, emotional state. You can fractionate at an intellectual level (the basis of hypnosis). Plus it's a whole lot more.
However, whatever the altered state you induce for ecology there should be balance brought back. Downs can be quite disturbing for all parties. |
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"To me there are many levels you can play at and whilst you can play the role of sub, it should be your call on how far you take it.
One thing to watch, in my experience, is the more you fractionate, the more the sub needs to balance later and a sub can be left vulnerable at a number of levels, both parties awareness around this is very important.
Think if I was looking to play sub, I'd be asking other subs for thoughts, and not taking too much advise from a Dom in any form - so I'll shut up - lol
Care to explain "fractionate" for those who dont understand the term?
Fractionation can be used on many levels, from a simple physical movement from say using ice then applying warmth. Then moving to something with a bigger difference to create an altered state. Now fractionation can be used in a number of areas. You can emotionally fractionate with a persons feelings, emotional state. You can fractionate at an intellectual level (the basis of hypnosis). Plus it's a whole lot more.
However, whatever the altered state you induce for ecology there should be balance brought back. Downs can be quite disturbing for all parties. "
Just as I thought. |
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Google may give you a few pointers however it is experience that is ideal . Consider reading a few different fantasys as with BDSM amd dominating it is one of the most variable aspects of sex. Through this you may realise a new fantasy or two for yourself or be able to enhance or tweek your own.
Also a fetish party could also help alot both networking and visual stimulation for ideas. research is key to get the most enjoyment and although you are sub it doesnt mean your needs must be utterly ignored.
you have had some sound advice so far, and good luck with it! |
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First and foremost a true doms first priority will be getting to know you to see if you are compatable.
Its impossable to be a domanant if you have no idea what the submissive wants. Otherwise your just a jackass who thinks being a dom is giving orders and getting his nuts off.
Look for someone who's interested in you, who you are and what makes you tick. They will ask a lot of questions and be interested in the answers. They will be Flirty and approachable.
If I approach a sub its always as if it was a first date. Never ordering, just keen interest.
My thoughts are that in order to have a d/s relationship (even as a casual one) you must have total trust. Trust is earned. It can be very insense so you must be attracted to the person and it will become a relationship on one sense or another. Even a successful FB d/s relationship will burn brighter than some marriages.
I fear that you may get the same response on the other site, but if you need any pointers there are quite a few genuine domanants around. You just need to learn how to filter them out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For what its worth heres my take on things
I am naturally dominant sexually and i met Nette through another social media site, we were doing the online thing for quite a few weeks before meeting, discussing what we were looking for and sorting out each others interests before we even arranged to meet up and luckily for me i think we are compatible in our interests and desires and we have built up a 100% trust in each other.
i feel blessed that i am able to give her pleasure and stretch her boundaries to her satisfaction.
Soppy dom  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been quite lucky and stumbled upon my kinky fb on here... messaged a guy I liked the sound of and we've had lots of fun esp exploring since. Our first meet was purely social with limits being discussed as openly as they could be in a bar! We've continually discussed limits throughout too and I completely trust him despite our fun being quite casual as we have regular contact when not playing.
I've been contacted by many wannabe Dom's who seem to think that the more commands they can fit in a message the more likely my knickers will just disappear... They just make me wanna get a padlock! I'd advise searching yourself. It may seem like searching for a needle in a haystack but you might just find a profile that fits what you want rather than being messaged by a load of 50 shades dreamers who have no idea what they're doing or bullies who hide behind a title they do not deserve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been quite lucky and stumbled upon my kinky fb on here... messaged a guy I liked the sound of and we've had lots of fun esp exploring since. Our first meet was purely social with limits being discussed as openly as they could be in a bar! We've continually discussed limits throughout too and I completely trust him despite our fun being quite casual as we have regular contact when not playing.
I've been contacted by many wannabe Dom's who seem to think that the more commands they can fit in a message the more likely my knickers will just disappear... They just make me wanna get a padlock! I'd advise searching yourself. It may seem like searching for a needle in a haystack but you might just find a profile that fits what you want rather than being messaged by a load of 50 shades dreamers who have no idea what they're doing or bullies who hide behind a title they do not deserve"
Bang on girl, She who must be obeyed outside the bedroom gets it all the time and we read the messages together n laugh
Him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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don't lose heart, i searched a long time for the Dom that i would click with and met him through this site. i heard about him from others before we ever messaged each other. then he and i asked each other so many questions and discussed so many limits and experiences and curiosities before playing that i think he knows certain parts of me better than i know myself. when it works, it works in ways that are indescribeable. don't settle. it'll be worth it in the end |
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"We've continually discussed limits throughout too and I completely trust him despite our fun being quite casual as we have regular contact when not playing."
Same deal for me and my sub FWB. We've been seeing each other regularly for about six months and I'm only just now starting to push against a few boundaries. It's been a lot of fun finding them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive not read all the posts, but one word that hasnt jumped out is respect. Any true dom will have the utmost respect for his sub and safety is a first
Look on the other site for local munches. Chat to the doms and subs there, get a feel for the scene and go from there"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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50 shades of grey has a lot to answer for... There are so many men out there that think they only have to spamk your arse, shove your heD further onto their cock and call you a few names!
It is so much more, I love the trust side of things. As if I didn't trust him there would be no sub and without a sub you don't have a dom. Of course there has to be an attraction too.
Good luck and have fun x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50 shades of grey has a lot to answer for... There are so many men out there that think they only have to spamk your arse, shove your heD further onto their cock and call you a few names!
It is so much more, I love the trust side of things. As if I didn't trust him there would be no sub and without a sub you don't have a dom. Of course there has to be an attraction too.
Good luck and have fun x"
ha ha love it!
Her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Subs have the power. Being a dom isnt about making a sub do something, its about talking and building trust and making them want to do it.
Pushing boundaries is one thing,pushing your luck is another.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Subs have the power. Being a dom isnt about making a sub do something, its about talking and building trust and making them want to do it.
Pushing boundaries is one thing,pushing your luck is another.x"
well said mister.
Her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The sub is totally in control.
A dom has to respect his sub fully, if she is a good sub why would you risk losing her by not following her pre-arraged limits.
As has been said, no sub, no dom!
Pushing boundaries only comes when trust is established and respect gained on both sides. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op, I would also recommend reading 'The loving Dominant'..it is an invaluable source of information for anyone interested in D/s. It doesn't get to heavy and looks at the subject from every angle. There is lots of good advice in this thread which is a credit to the forum ! I would echo the thoughts of many here in saying that being 'Dom' or 'sub' has become fashionable lately and the internet has fueled that....the problem for people genuinely interested in exploring is men and women want to be overnight Masters/Mistresses...truth is, thats just not possible.There is so much to know and learn. There are so many wannabees that genuine practioners are difficult to find but dont give up just ask lots of questions before you meet anyone on a D/s basis - bullshitters can rarely hold an in-depth conversation on the subject. Xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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reading back through the thread i notice that something hadn't come up yet. while the op probably already knows about them, 2 good things to remember are SSC and SBNYS.
Safe,Sane,Consenual are words to live by in any scene but are a mantra for many in the D/s scene in particular. Sub But Not Your Sub is likewise a phrase that subs are apparently having to arm themselves with due to attitudes not unlike those described in the original post. Sub, imho, hold MOST of the power/control in the dynamic. let's not forget that Doms can refuse to play with someone and also have hard limits as well. Doms, however, do hold most of the RESPONSIBILITY in the dynamic. they ensurethe safety of the sub during pplay, set up play scenes based on mutually agreed limits, look after the sub during any group setting, and also look after the mental and emotional wellbeing of the sub to a High degree.....yes during play but actually to a degree on a day to day basis outside of play whether in a 24/7 relationship or not. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Op, I would also recommend reading 'The loving Dominant'..it is an invaluable source of information for anyone interested in D/s. It doesn't get to heavy and looks at the subject from every angle. There is lots of good advice in this thread which is a credit to the forum ! I would echo the thoughts of many here in saying that being 'Dom' or 'sub' has become fashionable lately and the internet has fueled that....the problem for people genuinely interested in exploring is men and women want to be overnight Masters/Mistresses...truth is, thats just not possible.There is so much to know and learn. There are so many wannabees that genuine practioners are difficult to find but dont give up just ask lots of questions before you meet anyone on a D/s basis - bullshitters can rarely hold an in-depth conversation on the subject. Xxxx"
I'll put it on my kindle list! This is something I've been interested in for a while, a good few years in fact, but I either haven't been in the right place in my real life relationship to follow it up or I just simply haven't had the resources to look into it properly. Its amazing what fab can open up to you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are lots of different angles to this. It isn't one way only. Try and allow yourself time to experiment a little and research. There was a really good site which had a great community which has since closed down, but all the materials/discussions are still on line and searchable. Drop me a PM if you'd like the name of the site.
Most of all I'd say be patient. Ds is no different to any other kind of relationship - and you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find what you're looking for.
x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are lots of different angles to this. It isn't one way only. Try and allow yourself time to experiment a little and research. There was a really good site which had a great community which has since closed down, but all the materials/discussions are still on line and searchable. Drop me a PM if you'd like the name of the site.
Most of all I'd say be patient. Ds is no different to any other kind of relationship - and you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find what you're looking for.
Did you mean IC ?
x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The sub is totally in control.
A dom has to respect his sub fully, if she is a good sub why would you risk losing her by not following her pre-arraged limits.
As has been said, no sub, no dom!
Pushing boundaries only comes when trust is established and respect gained on both sides."
To me neither party holds all the cards...yes I give him the control and have to trust him not to hurt me beyond kinky fuckery, but he also has to trust that if I wasn't happy with something I'd open my mouth and tell him. If he wasn't willing to take control then I'd have no-one to submit too. The respect has to go both ways, just like the communication. We are a team and we have to both put the effort in to make the time we do spend together as pleasurable as possible for us both |
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Met my partner on another site and it was the lengthy chats about what we liked that gave a clue about compatibility. Major plus that we fancied each other as well. She hadnt subbed before and was keen to try. So we did and its been filthy fun ever since.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There are lots of different angles to this. It isn't one way only. Try and allow yourself time to experiment a little and research. There was a really good site which had a great community which has since closed down, but all the materials/discussions are still on line and searchable. Drop me a PM if you'd like the name of the site.
Most of all I'd say be patient. Ds is no different to any other kind of relationship - and you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find what you're looking for.
Did you mean IC ?
x "
Yes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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to be honest i haven't got a bloody clue about this hidden world but it sounds an interesting topic, I imagine you'll be wanting someone to satisfy your interests but respect your boundaries. I wouldn't know where to start but i imagine explaining what you want to get out of your dom (if that's what they're called etc  )
Also i'd think about seeking someone professional, maybe find yourself a partner and get them learn the techniques ????????
good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been reading this thread with interest. I have a FB on here and we get on well. It was only recently I noticed whip marks on her butt... She has a dom. ... I don't pretend to know much about it but she enjoys that part of her life and I respect she needs to meet her Dom whilst also enjoy the tame but intense times we have too. She will do anything I ask her to do .. But no way am.i a true Dom and she likes our relationship as it stands.. And yes I admit to being the guy who says suck my cock bitch lol .. But I cannot be a true Dom but respect she has a relationship on a different level that also suits her.... Hope this post is showing a different viewpoint |
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5 yrs plus on this site, 12yrs plus on those that preceded and I've always read the forums but have never felt the need to reply to any posts - until now! As stated, asking for advice on Dom/Sub will give you lots of 'conflicting' advice, but something happened this week that made me want to throw my two pence in.
I in no way consider myself a 'dom' but I am a dominant male. I get my (sexual?) gratification from seeing any female I'm with in scenarios where she is getting satisfaction, so you could say I 'top from the bottom' in that anyone watching will think I'm in control, of which I am, but deep down it is the sub in control as we are only doing what she wants to do.
An aspect to consider is what type of sub are you? Will you do anything your dom says to please him, even if it gives you no satisfaction but you do it because you know it pleases him or are you a sub that just gets off being told what to do but with the confidence to stop when you want to stop? I'm guessing this statement is the one that will generate healthy debate, both good and bad so I'm bracing for the incoming.
An amazing woman, who truly introduced me to this lifestyle, once said to me that given the chance she would happily live a 24/7 D/s relationship with me because I'd got into her head, but she trusted me whole heartedly as no matter what we did or who we did it with she knew I would always keep her safe and that for me is the crunch point - I would have crawled over hot coals to make sure she was protected and she knew that but as we were D/s I never communicated it to her enough and I let her slip through my fingers
So to answer your initial post, I believe there has to be an attraction but mote importantly there has to be trust and for this there has to be clear demarkation and boundaries and if these are crossed by either then (from my experience) it won't work out
My advice is read profiles, meet a guy without saying outright you looking for a 'Dom' and then if you have a natural attraction then bring up the subject. I broke my golden rule today by messaging someone looking for a Dom stating fully what I was looking for and probably scared her off, i'm now going to meet socially (getting harder now on Fab with all the timewasters - even us blokes get stood up) and then build trust like you would in any relationship in life
So to (finally) end, don't settle for second best, have fun trying but most of all stay safe and any bloke who says safety is not a priority should be avoided at all costs
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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago
NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts |
like others have said go with your gut. ive had masters and doms. you need someone who knows what they are doing which includes protecting you above anything else. many so called doms think its all about degrading ppl and pain. its not. its about respecting limits and letting u explore them. it is enjoyable and mind blowing at times. know ur limits before hand and trust ur gut so u can trust him. trust is a massive need |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been reading this thread with interest. I have a FB on here and we get on well. It was only recently I noticed whip marks on her butt... She has a dom. ... I don't pretend to know much about it but she enjoys that part of her life and I respect she needs to meet her Dom whilst also enjoy the tame but intense times we have too. She will do anything I ask her to do .. But no way am.i a true Dom and she likes our relationship as it stands.. And yes I admit to being the guy who says suck my cock bitch lol .. But I cannot be a true Dom but respect she has a relationship on a different level that also suits her.... Hope this post is showing a different viewpoint "
Nicely put |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm looking to explore my naturally submissive side and I put a status on here so that local guys could see I'm considering it (I think its still up)
I've had a few people contact me. Unfortunately I've turned them down as I don't find them attractive and I feel this is an important part to the experience I'm looking for.
This hasn't gone down well with a few, who think if they can be aggressive and threatening through the messages they send my knickers will come flying off
Am I wrong to be looking for mutual attraction and trust before launching into the kind of experiences I want? Some of the dominant guys who have messaged me say it shouldn't matter if I'm attracted to them, if I'm their submissive I don't have that choice
Already going to start putting my details onto a site for people who live a life of fetish, if you catch my drift.
Does anyone have any advice or tips for finding and starting a "relationship" like this?
Ps, please ignore my current profile text, I was in a very facetious mood yesterday, in fact I was a real cunt. That will change "
A dom who gets angry simply via a message could not be trusted for play in my book. And any dom who says a sub doesn't have a choice about anything isn't a real dom, potential sex offender yes dom no. |
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