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Is honesty the best policy?

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By *ex-a-frolics OP   Couple  over a year ago

Brizzle

This scenario has come up twice in our short time on here. We like the profile & pictures of people, exchange a few messages, then comes the "friends invite" & invariably face pics!! Now we are not hugely fussy but it's quite simple if either of us doesn't fancy or think one of the other party is cute we would not proceed any further. How do we dump(for want of a better word) the other party. My wife would rather make a few excuses whereas I'd rather be honest & say there is no physical attraction. We didn't respond to one couple who sent us face pics, they promptly messaged us saying did our face pics put you off? Yes they did & I wanted to say that in a nice way whereas my wife just made our excuses.(which are probably interpreted as us not liking them anyway).

I know everybody is different but how do others deal with this dilemma? Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's not always easy but being honest is always the best way.

(Says she who would rather make a million excuses or run lol)

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By *iewMan  over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

yes but the wording & tone needs to be appropriate.

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By *ancs MinxWoman  over a year ago

Burnley


"yes but the wording & tone needs to be appropriate."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

"Thanks but you're not my type. Happy swinging!" is my standard reply.

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By *icentiousCouple  over a year ago

Up on them there hills

I tend to turn the ownership around a little so not to challenge identity with something like, "I don't think we/I'm the right person for you at the moment, time has become a problem - sorry"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

a simple "we seems to click but i (we) don't think you're what we're really looking for "

that's the sort of thing i'd want to hear. It's crap when people just don't get back to you and you're left wondering why. common courtesy is my general rule, but tbh if someone is on here they *should* understand that they won't find everyone physically to their liking themselves and not take offense or surprise to being told nicely that they're not to your liking that way

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

yes what View says. Also exchange face photos straight away or within two messages.

If we send face photos and receive no reply we know that we aren't their type and wouldn't dream of responding and embarrassing the people anyway

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By *icentiousCouple  over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"I tend to turn the ownership around a little so not to challenge identity with something like, "I don't think we/I'm the right person for you at the moment, time has become a problem - sorry""

Just thought I'd put this up on the forum to stop other people using it on us -

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

i dont chat to people who i might be meeting without seeing their face pic first usualy, if they arent my type i would say they look nice but they arent realy my type.

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By *andACouple  over a year ago

glasgow

We always find it's best to exchange face pics asap. Would find it really awkward if we were exchanging a lot of messages, getting on well etc and then found out after that that there was no attraction.

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By *abioMan  over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

i think all you need to do is just say "no thank you" and leave it at that

no need to justify any decisions you make....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"i think all you need to do is just say "no thank you" and leave it at that

no need to justify any decisions you make...."

I just say No, sorry and wish them luck if someone I don't fancy asks to meet. I don't respond to subsequent messages of why not as it should be pretty [pardon the pun] obvious

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By *lleyCat1969Man  over a year ago

Folkestone


"a simple "we seems to click but i (we) don't think you're what we're really looking for "

that's the sort of thing i'd want to hear. It's crap when people just don't get back to you and you're left wondering why. common courtesy is my general rule, but tbh if someone is on here they *should* understand that they won't find everyone physically to their liking themselves and not take offense or surprise to being told nicely that they're not to your liking that way"

Seconded

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By *rightonsteveMan  over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Usually, if I get a 'fuck off and stay in Brighton' reply, I assume somethings amiss but send about 23 more 'why?' messages just to make sure.

Seriously, A non reply is usually a 'yuk, no' and saves a lot of pointless message pingpong.

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By *ex-a-frolics OP   Couple  over a year ago

Brizzle

Thanks that's great advice, we are nice peeps & hate to think we might offend others.

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By *ezebelWoman  over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Thanks for the pics but not really our type sorry...

Thanks for the pics but not what not we are looking for right now...

Been nice chatting but we'd rather leave it there sorry...

We've had a bit of a chat and weve decided we dont want to take it any further sorry...

followed by 'Hope you both have fun out there'.

If they ask why I wouldnt answer with anything other than 'Like we said, not our type/were going to leave it there....

If they come back to you with anything other than a polite reply then just ignore them.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

We haven't been asked the " oh are we ok"

But if I was asked,I would be straight, with no need of nasty behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks for the pics but not really our type sorry...

Thanks for the pics but not what not we are looking for right now...

Been nice chatting but we'd rather leave it there sorry...

We've had a bit of a chat and weve decided we dont want to take it any further sorry...

followed by 'Hope you both have fun out there'.

If they ask why I wouldnt answer with anything other than 'Like we said, not our type/were going to leave it there....

If they come back to you with anything other than a polite reply then just ignore them.

"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I would nicely say "sorry but you arnt my type but good luck anyway". I have said this in the past with mixed results some ended in me blocking them to stem the abuse lol. Best to be honest thou surely ?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

If you wouldn't mind wearing a balaclava and taking me from behind, I'd love to meet up.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

We send face pics with our 1st message whether we've initiated contact or we're replying. Gives the couple every chance to check us out

We've no problem if they were to say no thanks, if they don't respond we assume the same.

We're upfront with people who contact us too, we will just say outright if there's no attraction for one or both of us.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I would nicely say "sorry but you arnt my type but good luck anyway". I have said this in the past with mixed results some ended in me blocking them to stem the abuse lol. Best to be honest thou surely ?"

Totally agree, had my share of abusive replays when I politely decline as well. Now if they message and they haven't sent a face pic or there isn't one on their profile I usually ignore because the last thing I want is message ping pong when I wouldn't meet them anyway

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I prefer to be honest so it would be a No thanku from me,if a couple if dont like look of One person,Its still a No thanku,ive found it works to be honest than make excuses,people either reply a thanku for replying message or delete,just accasionally i get a why,i don't answer that ,why Do i need to justify,we are all not attracted to everyone

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By *habsMan  over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Lol, takes me back to the "How dare you? you should be lucky if you meet anyone like me/us" type replies I've had to telling some no,

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By *ondonpride69Couple  over a year ago

Blackpool


"We always find it's best to exchange face pics asap. Would find it really awkward if we were exchanging a lot of messages, getting on well etc and then found out after that that there was no attraction. "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"This scenario has come up twice in our short time on here. We like the profile & pictures of people, exchange a few messages, then comes the "friends invite" & invariably face pics!! Now we are not hugely fussy but it's quite simple if either of us doesn't fancy or think one of the other party is cute we would not proceed any further. How do we dump(for want of a better word) the other party. My wife would rather make a few excuses whereas I'd rather be honest & say there is no physical attraction. We didn't respond to one couple who sent us face pics, they promptly messaged us saying did our face pics put you off? Yes they did & I wanted to say that in a nice way whereas my wife just made our excuses.(which are probably interpreted as us not liking them anyway).

I know everybody is different but how do others deal with this dilemma? Thanks.

"

I'm as honest as possible but if someone doesn't float my boat then I just decline politely without saying why

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/04/14 19:17:17]

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By *indys loverCouple  over a year ago

Stratford on avon

I always ask if the people have thouroughly read my profile before proceeding any further

a picture then usually does the trick

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a friend or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........"

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

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By *bi HaiveMan  over a year ago
Forum Mod

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same. "

Just because those (some!!) in this lifestyle understand discretion doesn't mean those outside of it do.

Add those with 'reputational disrepute' clauses in contracts, those with jobs where clients/the public would frown upon such activities and those that love to twist such a lifestyle (the media!) into something it isn't - and it's easy to see why many choose not to post face pics.

A

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks for the pics but not really our type sorry...

Thanks for the pics but not what not we are looking for right now...

Been nice chatting but we'd rather leave it there sorry...

We've had a bit of a chat and weve decided we dont want to take it any further sorry...

followed by 'Hope you both have fun out there'.

If they ask why I wouldnt answer with anything other than 'Like we said, not our type/were going to leave it there....

If they come back to you with anything other than a polite reply then just ignore them.

"

^^^^ this kind of thing we say too - used to be too polite sometimes just block now

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same. "

Fair enough

Me personally though really don't like being several different people if that makes sense?

I have no shame in my lifestyle choices and if people don't like What I do, I won't loose sleep over it...

There was a time when things like being gay or divorce were treat with the same attitude by the general public and now divorce is commonly accepted and now we have gay marriage...if people continue to treat the lifestyle as something to be hidden then it will never move forward into the light....personally,i will never be ashamed in the face of anybody over what I do....again though, those are just my thoughts on the subject

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Most of this site is not made up of 'lifestyle' people - its largely wankers. I wouldn't trust any old wanker to be discreet.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"This scenario has come up twice in our short time on here. We like the profile & pictures of people, exchange a few messages, then comes the "friends invite" & invariably face pics!! Now we are not hugely fussy but it's quite simple if either of us doesn't fancy or think one of the other party is cute we would not proceed any further. How do we dump(for want of a better word) the other party. My wife would rather make a few excuses whereas I'd rather be honest & say there is no physical attraction. We didn't respond to one couple who sent us face pics, they promptly messaged us saying did our face pics put you off? Yes they did & I wanted to say that in a nice way whereas my wife just made our excuses.(which are probably interpreted as us not liking them anyway).

I know everybody is different but how do others deal with this dilemma? Thanks.

"

I tend to be straight, thank them for the pictures but say sorry not for me

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"If you wouldn't mind wearing a balaclava and taking me from behind, I'd love to meet up."

Loving this !

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple  over a year ago

Brighton

Told a couple of guys they had offputting cocks (very bent, very skinny etc etc). they dont seem to like that.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

Just because those (some!!) in this lifestyle understand discretion doesn't mean those outside of it do.

Add those with 'reputational disrepute' clauses in contracts, those with jobs where clients/the public would frown upon such activities and those that love to twist such a lifestyle (the media!) into something it isn't - and it's easy to see why many choose not to post face pics.

A"

Again, there was a time when such things as homosexuality, divorce, having children outside of wedlock etc would be grounds for loosing jobs and work etc etc.....no longer is that the case because people stood up against such nonesense. Isn't it time folk moved out of the darkness on this one too?

Perhaps I'm missing what's wrong with this lifestyle that we should feel the need to hide....

Personally, and I carry this attitude through everything I do in life, refuse to run like a cockroach with the light on.....

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By *opsy RogersWoman  over a year ago

London

I find that face pictures should be exchanged form the very first message and certainly, when I get a message, the majority have a face picture attached. If I'm interested, I return the favour.

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By *odareyouMan  over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Whenever I m rejected I console myself with the thought I was out of their league,

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Most of this site is not made up of 'lifestyle' people - its largely wankers. I wouldn't trust any old wanker to be discreet."

Nicely put!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Most of this site is not made up of 'lifestyle' people - its largely wankers. I wouldn't trust any old wanker to be discreet."

Once being gay was only discussed amongst other closeted gays.....now nobody but the biggoted small minded care who's gay, in fact, discrimination against such choices is protected against by law....I personally would like to see this lifestlyle being treat the same where its accepted by those both in and out of it openness and acceptance in society for other peoples choices with no option to discriminate against it upheld by the same laws that protect other lifestyle choices......

I would love to see that in my lifetime

I dunno....maybe I'm just not seeing something here.....entirely possible as I'm not always the sharpest tool in the box to be fair.....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

The choice to be discreet isn't necessarily based on the prejudice or expectations of others.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The choice to be discreet isn't necessarily based on the prejudice or expectations of others."

Ok, I can accept that

I'm just voicing my thoughts really....I live my life differently to most though I guess so will naturally have slightly different _iews.

What else is it based on? Like I say....I ain't the shapest tool and sometimes need a little educating.....

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By *indys loverCouple  over a year ago

Stratford on avon


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

Just because those (some!!) in this lifestyle understand discretion doesn't mean those outside of it do.

Add those with 'reputational disrepute' clauses in contracts, those with jobs where clients/the public would frown upon such activities and those that love to twist such a lifestyle (the media!) into something it isn't - and it's easy to see why many choose not to post face pics.

A

Again, there was a time when such things as homosexuality, divorce, having children outside of wedlock etc would be grounds for loosing jobs and work etc etc.....no longer is that the case because people stood up against such nonesense. Isn't it time folk moved out of the darkness on this one too?

Perhaps I'm missing what's wrong with this lifestyle that we should feel the need to hide....

Personally, and I carry this attitude through everything I do in life, refuse to run like a cockroach with the light on..... "

personaly I have no wish for both of our parents or our teenage girls know of our newish lifestyle hence no public pics

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The choice to be discreet isn't necessarily based on the prejudice or expectations of others.

Ok, I can accept that

I'm just voicing my thoughts really....I live my life differently to most though I guess so will naturally have slightly different _iews.

What else is it based on? Like I say....I ain't the shapest tool and sometimes need a little educating..... "

Self respect, taste, class..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

Just because those (some!!) in this lifestyle understand discretion doesn't mean those outside of it do.

Add those with 'reputational disrepute' clauses in contracts, those with jobs where clients/the public would frown upon such activities and those that love to twist such a lifestyle (the media!) into something it isn't - and it's easy to see why many choose not to post face pics.

A

Again, there was a time when such things as homosexuality, divorce, having children outside of wedlock etc would be grounds for loosing jobs and work etc etc.....no longer is that the case because people stood up against such nonesense. Isn't it time folk moved out of the darkness on this one too?

Perhaps I'm missing what's wrong with this lifestyle that we should feel the need to hide....

Personally, and I carry this attitude through everything I do in life, refuse to run like a cockroach with the light on.....

personaly I have no wish for both of our parents or our teenage girls know of our newish lifestyle hence no public pics "

Ah, see I wouldn't mind my parents knowing....we have a good relationship and they're very accepting people....

Children however your right....I don't have any so didn't factor that in so will stand corrected on that front. Good point well made....

I'm maybe coming at this from a single guy with no childdrens perspective so sure, my _iew won't suit everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The choice to be discreet isn't necessarily based on the prejudice or expectations of others.

Ok, I can accept that

I'm just voicing my thoughts really....I live my life differently to most though I guess so will naturally have slightly different _iews.

What else is it based on? Like I say....I ain't the shapest tool and sometimes need a little educating.....

Self respect, taste, class.."

So being open about ones lifestyle shows a lack of these?

I have self respect, otherwise I'd be hiding the things I do...taste is a matter of opinion and admittedly I'm not so high on class

Again, there was a time when say

Having a child out of wedlock showed you absolutely had none of those things....times move on.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

They're all subjective. They're all legitimate reasons for some people to choose not to attach their faces to their sexual activities on a public website.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"They're all subjective. They're all legitimate reasons for some people to choose not to attach their faces to their sexual activities on a public website."

Yeah fair point....I suppose our _iews on them just differ

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

Just because those (some!!) in this lifestyle understand discretion doesn't mean those outside of it do.

Add those with 'reputational disrepute' clauses in contracts, those with jobs where clients/the public would frown upon such activities and those that love to twist such a lifestyle (the media!) into something it isn't - and it's easy to see why many choose not to post face pics.

A

Again, there was a time when such things as homosexuality, divorce, having children outside of wedlock etc would be grounds for loosing jobs and work etc etc.....no longer is that the case because people stood up against such nonesense. Isn't it time folk moved out of the darkness on this one too?

Perhaps I'm missing what's wrong with this lifestyle that we should feel the need to hide....

Personally, and I carry this attitude through everything I do in life, refuse to run like a cockroach with the light on.....

personaly I have no wish for both of our parents or our teenage girls know of our newish lifestyle hence no public pics "

Do you suspect they may have profiles on here then?

I accept its different for couples because by definition they are doing something other than the accepted norm of one man and one woman having sex in private with their own partner. But the singles who meet other singles??

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Or just have face pics on your profile in public......

I don't understand why more don't...surely not that many people have jobs etc that would be affected by the fact they have a sex life in this day and age?

Maybe I'm ignorant of something though and will happily stand corrected if that's the case....

If a family member or work colleague came to me and told me they'd spotted me on fab, I'm sure I'd just laugh and call them mucky Bugges for being on here themselves .....but then that's me...I don't do anything if I think I'd be ashamed of it and like to travel the honest road right from the start

Plus, folk can see my ugly mug right from the get go and just avoid me or talk to me as they wish........

And that idiot person tells your friends.. neighbours... colleagues...

Some people prefer to be discreet. Privacy is important to some people.... unfortunately not everyone feels the same.

Just because those (some!!) in this lifestyle understand discretion doesn't mean those outside of it do.

Add those with 'reputational disrepute' clauses in contracts, those with jobs where clients/the public would frown upon such activities and those that love to twist such a lifestyle (the media!) into something it isn't - and it's easy to see why many choose not to post face pics.

A

Again, there was a time when such things as homosexuality, divorce, having children outside of wedlock etc would be grounds for loosing jobs and work etc etc.....no longer is that the case because people stood up against such nonesense. Isn't it time folk moved out of the darkness on this one too?

Perhaps I'm missing what's wrong with this lifestyle that we should feel the need to hide....

Personally, and I carry this attitude through everything I do in life, refuse to run like a cockroach with the light on.....

personaly I have no wish for both of our parents or our teenage girls know of our newish lifestyle hence no public pics

Do you suspect they may have profiles on here then?

I accept its different for couples because by definition they are doing something other than the accepted norm of one man and one woman having sex in private with their own partner. But the singles who meet other singles?? "

I think peoples concern was that they found out through third parties....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Single people can still have kids.

Why not go into work on Monday and show everyone your profile. And your friends and your family. Then come back and let us know how it goes....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Single people can still have kids.

Why not go into work on Monday and show everyone your profile. And your friends and your family. Then come back and let us know how it goes...."

I really don't think they would be terribly interested. I have always been open with my sexuality, it wouldn't be a surprise to them, they would however think I was weird for wanting to show them. I wasn't saying that only married people have children at all. I was pointing out that couples looking to have sex with other people isn't considered mainstream but single on single is

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Single people can still have kids.

Why not go into work on Monday and show everyone your profile. And your friends and your family. Then come back and let us know how it goes...."

Nor sure that was aimed at me as I don't have young and admittedly I would think differently if I did but I will do that as an experiment......I'll show folk at work.

The only isue when I post the results is nobody on here will actually know if I did it or not....you'll have to trust me, a huge leap that most won't make....nonetheless, it should be very interesting!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Single people can still have kids.

Why not go into work on Monday and show everyone your profile. And your friends and your family. Then come back and let us know how it goes....

Nor sure that was aimed at me as I don't have young and admittedly I would think differently if I did but I will do that as an experiment......I'll show folk at work.

The only isue when I post the results is nobody on here will actually know if I did it or not....you'll have to trust me, a huge leap that most won't make....nonetheless, it should be very interesting! "

It wasn't aimed at either of you, just a general comment to anyone that wonders why people want to be discreet.

My comment about single people having kids was in reply to the comment about single people possibly having less to 'hide'. In an ideal world people would be grown up about people's sex lives but we all know that doesn't happen.

Someone finds out a person is on this site... tells their mates.... whispers in the school yard etc etc.... it's not nice for adults to have to put up with that. It's certainly not nice for kids to get teased because their parent is on a swinger's site.

Hence why some people won't put their faces on show.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Single people can still have kids.

Why not go into work on Monday and show everyone your profile. And your friends and your family. Then come back and let us know how it goes....

Nor sure that was aimed at me as I don't have young and admittedly I would think differently if I did but I will do that as an experiment......I'll show folk at work.

The only isue when I post the results is nobody on here will actually know if I did it or not....you'll have to trust me, a huge leap that most won't make....nonetheless, it should be very interesting!

It wasn't aimed at either of you, just a general comment to anyone that wonders why people want to be discreet.

My comment about single people having kids was in reply to the comment about single people possibly having less to 'hide'. In an ideal world people would be grown up about people's sex lives but we all know that doesn't happen.

Someone finds out a person is on this site... tells their mates.... whispers in the school yard etc etc.... it's not nice for adults to have to put up with that. It's certainly not nice for kids to get teased because their parent is on a swinger's site.

Hence why some people won't put their faces on show. "

Sure, I agreed that with children I would feel different....as I said I don't have any so didn't really factor that into my earlier thought process...a case of me thinking for me and nobody else....I think I will stick with my argument as regards people in my situation but will revise my thoughts where families with kiddies are involved...we know how ruthless the school yard can be...there's very little in the way of reasoned debate there...

This has been quite an interesting thread so far, its given me a few things to mull over......

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I tend to turn the ownership around a little so not to challenge identity with something like, "I don't think we/I'm the right person for you at the moment, time has become a problem - sorry""

My only problem with this one which we've used is if time is a problem why are we still getting verified... We've even been asked this question lol so that one doesn't always work.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks for the pics but not really our type sorry...

Thanks for the pics but not what not we are looking for right now...

Been nice chatting but we'd rather leave it there sorry...

We've had a bit of a chat and weve decided we dont want to take it any further sorry...

followed by 'Hope you both have fun out there'.

If they ask why I wouldnt answer with anything other than 'Like we said, not our type/were going to leave it there....

If they come back to you with anything other than a polite reply then just ignore them.

"

Going to use some of these soon

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"We send face pics with our 1st message whether we've initiated contact or we're replying. Gives the couple every chance to check us out

We've no problem if they were to say no thanks, if they don't respond we assume the same.

We're upfront with people who contact us too, we will just say outright if there's no attraction for one or both of us. "

We agree with this approach. Obviously sometimes one can say that when you actually meet people they generally look better than their picture but generally speaking a picture paints a thousand words.

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