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submissive female
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have met a woman who wants to be my submissive fuck friend, im looking for ideas of things I can make her do as im new to this, any ideas most appreciated as she keeps asking what treats I have in store for her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread...."
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!! |
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Be careful is my advice, don't try anything too advanced / potentially dangerous until you know what you are doing and you know that she isn't going to freak out!
If using restraint/ bondage for the first time, make sure you can get her out of it in seconds even with her thrashing around if she panics!
make sure circulation is ok, check for hands and feet getting cold, if so release her immediately.
Have a clear and understood safe word that means STOP, and you as the Dom HAVE to respect that word and stop immediately.
Sorry if I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but it must be safe, or you can seriously injure someone. I am sure someone will say Im talking a load of nonsense, but please take notice of this, I have 15 years experience on both ends of the whip!
Most of all, both have FUN!!!! |
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Important to remember that it's the sub that holds the power. Until you understand that, it's possibly just abuse.
Best advice... Go to a club and learn. Most doms are happy to have spectators just don't get too close. Thats for your own safety ;p |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
"
Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!"
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times"
No !! A lot on this site have been doing this way before 50 shades. I know everyone starts somewhere but in the wrong hands its dangerous. Sorry, but the attitude of some, scares the crap out of me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Be careful is my advice, don't try anything too advanced / potentially dangerous until you know what you are doing and you know that she isn't going to freak out!
If using restraint/ bondage for the first time, make sure you can get her out of it in seconds even with her thrashing around if she panics!
make sure circulation is ok, check for hands and feet getting cold, if so release her immediately.
Have a clear and understood safe word that means STOP, and you as the Dom HAVE to respect that word and stop immediately.
Sorry if I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but it must be safe, or you can seriously injure someone. I am sure someone will say Im talking a load of nonsense, but please take notice of this, I have 15 years experience on both ends of the whip!
Most of all, both have FUN!!!!"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times
No !! A lot on this site have been doing this way before 50 shades. I know everyone starts somewhere but in the wrong hands its dangerous. Sorry, but the attitude of some, scares the crap out of me. "
Hence why a forum is a far better idea than reading random blogs or articles on the subject as you get real world experiences and more importantly others can reply to people's advice and say how it worked for them because Everyone is different.
Just telling him go read stuff on the Internet is about the worst advice you can possibly give cause he had no way of knowing if it's true or just some random fantasy. And no one else can comment to help him.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times
No !! A lot on this site have been doing this way before 50 shades. I know everyone starts somewhere but in the wrong hands its dangerous. Sorry, but the attitude of some, scares the crap out of me.
Hence why a forum is a far better idea than reading random blogs or articles on the subject as you get real world experiences and more importantly others can reply to people's advice and say how it worked for them because Everyone is different.
Just telling him go read stuff on the Internet is about the worst advice you can possibly give cause he had no way of knowing if it's true or just some random fantasy. And no one else can comment to help him.
"
The answer was, do some research.
Cos everyone on here knows the truth don't they  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times
No !! A lot on this site have been doing this way before 50 shades. I know everyone starts somewhere but in the wrong hands its dangerous. Sorry, but the attitude of some, scares the crap out of me. "
this I also think its worth some research into how to Dom safely, get into her mind set, learn about the huge range of emotions his sub may go through rather than just "ideas that I can make her do" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times
No !! A lot on this site have been doing this way before 50 shades. I know everyone starts somewhere but in the wrong hands its dangerous. Sorry, but the attitude of some, scares the crap out of me.
this I also think its worth some research into how to Dom safely, get into her mind set, learn about the huge range of emotions his sub may go through rather than just "ideas that I can make her do" "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
if you're wanting to try true dominance and submission then you both really need to be trained in your roles. that takes time and effort.
if you're just wanting to play kinky 'I'm the one in charge' bedroom games then the above suggestions are good. always before using any toy or restraint... test it on yourself first. particularly with spanking. light spanking is advisable for what your experience level is but know that you should test things first. start verylightly and increase intensity awkward asking her how it feels. she will tell you when to stop that it hurts. you can also play games via text. if you're in charge yell her to masturbate and send you a pic, or that she's not allowed to until you say, etc etc. those will set the stage for your actual play meets and up the intensity. you do need to follow the suggestions about what to do if she's a true submissive and enters sub spaceand the after play sub drop the next day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times"
WOW!! MMMM  |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
I would advise trying some of the more psychological D/s stuff before the physical until you're both more comfortable with the whole thing. Velcro restraints is also a good start as suggested by a previous poster. As for safe words, you can't go far wrong with a traffic light system at first. And can I also suggest going along to a local munch where you can maybe chat with those more experienced in the lifestyle? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you asked her what she wants and enjoys? I know sibs wjo crave pain and subs that hate it. Some that love to being tied some that don't. Be led by her kinks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive, "
Rise above it |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive,
Rise above it "
I think your right! Step away from the keyboard  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive, "
Thats quite a bold statement to make, I expect there are more than a few people on here that would take issue with that if they could be bothered to waste their time replying to such a idiotic notion. . it's just a good job the op has more sense that to take notice of you pearls of wisdom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
there is a good book that's worth a read with some great ideas for play from soft to hard and also some good ideas for a bit of mind play. it's called "The loving dominant ". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there is a good book that's worth a read with some great ideas for play from soft to hard and also some good ideas for a bit of mind play. it's called "The loving dominant ". "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you asked her what she wants and enjoys? I know sibs wjo crave pain and subs that hate it. Some that love to being tied some that don't. Be led by her kinks"
I totally agree with this.
Sometimes comments on threads like this seem elitist, almost suggesting people are daft for asking questions. I'm sure it's not meant that way but sometimes it can seem it.
I took the OP as meaning they were after a bit of tie and tease, not the more intensive stuff. I don't know what their current experience is so maybe I'm wrong.
I apologise if my 'elitist' comments seem rude, I don't know how else to phrase it. I find these threads really interesting and have learned from them.
Just please can people have a little thought that maybe not everyone is very experienced, and possibly be a bit more synpathetic to newbies (in any subject)?
I'll hold my hand up and say I don't know much about a few subjects.... If that makes me seem dumb or stupid I'm ok with that. I learn about many things every day. |
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lots of the replies on this thread are why we stopped asking for advice and decided just to do our own thing. A very nice guy messaged us and was extremely helpful, offered advice and answered questions in a straightforward way no patronising and no saying its dangerous without giving advice on how to make it safe. He was the only one.
Everyone starts somewhere. |
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"I have met a woman who wants to be my submissive fuck friend, im looking for ideas of things I can make her do as im new to this, any ideas most appreciated as she keeps asking what treats I have in store for her"
chat to your lady friend find out the direction she wants to go in, it isn't fair of her to expect you to come up with the ideas unless you have some clue as to the direction she wants to go in.
Enjoy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So hard to keep from typing, especially not knowing exactly who certain comments are aimed at. "
If you mean my comment, it wasn't aimed at anyone specifically. Just a general comment about these kinds of threads that ask for advice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have met a woman who wants to be my submissive fuck friend, im looking for ideas of things I can make her do as im new to this, any ideas most appreciated as she keeps asking what treats I have in store for her"
Lots of good advice here. I commend the traffic light idea - boundaries are to be nudged, not shattered. Never be under any illusion that the reality is that the sub has the ultimate control. push her too far, the safe word is said and rain stops play. Her gift to you is her being directed and used. Your gift in exchange is to free her of all decision making and guilt. Your task is to work within the illusion that you have real control to push her close to the edge but ideally never over it so ,like all good theatre, the spell of the suspension of reality remains unbroken. At the very deepest level she must KNOW that she is safe in your care, but at every level above that rising into her concious mind you will want her to question that reality. As one lady put it to me- she knows that there are times when she knows I value her well being more than she does.
Talk to her about her fantasies- is it pain that turns her on or bondage or some combination of the two? Does fear and/or humiliation make her wet?
Then small steps. The Dom/sub relationship grows and becomes more as intense as trust is earned and deepens. Simple over door Velcro cuff restraints are a great way to start. Youtube has some tutorials on some pretty bondage. (Never too tight- you should be able to get your fingers comfortably under the rope at any point- & have a means of cutting the rope safely if she gets tingly or cold).
Finally - 'after care'. This sort of play is often very emotional (especially) for the sub. There is may be a down after the high. So the intimacy afterwards when you express how wonderful she has made you feel is important. As is staying in touch for a day or two afterwards. Leave being a selfish uncaring bastard for the role-play. Discover together what works for you and enjoy the liberating hedonism and freedom that can be created by two people bold enough to express themselves with abandon! |
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For those in Wales, there is a monthly non-playing fun night (Devils Kinky Playground) where you can get a feel for this sort of lifestyle choice.
Best bit about it is they do various demos there, plus there will be people of all sorts of experience from newbies right through to died-in-the-wool hardcore players, so advice and guidance will be available. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We are only looking for soft playful dom sub ideas at the moment. She loves to be tied up blindfolded and teased but not sure what else I can bring into the play. Should I let others come play with her. While she's bound up and not knowing what's coming next |
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"We are only looking for soft playful dom sub ideas at the moment. She loves to be tied up blindfolded and teased but not sure what else I can bring into the play. Should I let others come play with her. While she's bound up and not knowing what's coming next"
You really need to ask her that. She honestly can't expect you to come up with ideas unless you have a clue as to what she would and wouldn't like. Imagine arranging a couple of men and she freaked out. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
I may have suggested this before on a similar post but make a list of suggestions and get her to rate them on whether or not she loves, likes, is ambivalent, hates them etc. Then start with the ones she scored highly - that way there will still be an element of surprise but you won't be going too fast, too soon. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I have met a woman who wants to be my submissive fuck friend, im looking for ideas of things I can make her do as im new to this, any ideas most appreciated as she keeps asking what treats I have in store for her"
usually they just 'are', it's not like they announce it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be careful is my advice, don't try anything too advanced / potentially dangerous until you know what you are doing and you know that she isn't going to freak out!
If using restraint/ bondage for the first time, make sure you can get her out of it in seconds even with her thrashing around if she panics!
make sure circulation is ok, check for hands and feet getting cold, if so release her immediately.
Have a clear and understood safe word that means STOP, and you as the Dom HAVE to respect that word and stop immediately.
Sorry if I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but it must be safe, or you can seriously injure someone. I am sure someone will say Im talking a load of nonsense, but please take notice of this, I have 15 years experience on both ends of the whip!
Most of all, both have FUN!!!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where to start - I'd suggest doing some research - loads of info on line
That's kinda what he's doing with this thread....
It takes a bit more than a thread on here!!
What for some kinky ideas to do with a sub?
A thread on here is a great starting point not like he's looking to learn the intricacies of rope work for the detail of epidermal anatomy for scarification is it?
What's he mean to read the encyclopaedia britanica of kinky things to do in bed?
You'd think a bunch like this lot would have a few ideas given half the site claim to be in d/s relationships since 50 shades came out
To expand on the bondage suggestion of the guy above the relatively cheap (25-30 quid) under bed or hog tie style restraints they do at Ann summers are a good starting point they're strong soft non self tightening velcro cuffs so even if she thrashes or likes to struggle you don't have to worry about them tightening up and cutting off circulation. Much easier than ropes for a first timer and again good quality material for the lining so you're not gonna be leaving bruises or burns like someone using cheap rope and half thought out knots.
While bound an blindfolded explore some sensation play first before moving onto paid if that's what she's into. Hot and cold things (an ice cold butter knife from the freezer feels razor sharp if you can't see it) this is also good for oral d*unk something hot go down on them then quickly swill mouth with ice water an go back down and watch them jump an twitch can mix that up on any node part too.
Stroke gently and explore and you can trigger off the sensitive nerves with light touch that makes it very hard to stay still.
If you use wax and you're not experienced get some bondage candles they melt at a low temp so leas likely to cause burns also higher you drip from the cooler it is, helps if you shave a fore arm then you can drip some on you from the same hight and know if it's too hot (outside fore arm about as sensitive as bum and most corse skin areas inside of your fore arm closer to the sensitivity of the chest and upper back but still below that of the inner thigh so keep in mind)
Safe word is very important they need to be able to trust you fuck that up once and it will take a long time to repair.
Over all explore and have fun feathers are good especially if you clip them to be like a quill as it gives you a soft side and a sharp pointy scratchy side (maybe gently mark your initial on her)
Collars are good is she's submissive pet store is usually cheaper than sex shops and better quality but the ring is at the rear not the front.
Also try to find out if she likes to be made to do things while bound such as tied kneeling down with her hands cuffed to her ankles behind her back puts her in a very sexy position and you can then make her give you a blow job in that position especially fun if she's blind folded and you have a soft flexible cane or plastic rod to reach over and lightly fish the exposed upper inner arms where it's very sensitive be gentle though or she might bite.
Vibrator when bound are always fun too but be gentle when putting them in if they're internal some times you can hurt them or make them feel uncomfortable so be slow and gentle at all times"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Some good ideas received thanks all for your input but anymore ideas still appreciated. She doesn't wanna do the club scene. She's just looking to be used and abused anyway I want to use her at home. Just don't know how to use and abuse her to full effect she's asking me too. Says I can do anything to her. Tied up she's fantasising about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm being honest. My boy is Dom and we just naturally go with it. However I know he would never ever hurt me and my physical well being and psychological care is his main priority. We don't have a safe word as he simply knows me. Trust takes time so my advice would just be to go at your own pace. J blindfolded me early and let another man join us. It was a total trust experience and sensational. I was not penetrated at all that was the rule - rules should never be broken! Perhaps try something like that. A true Dom knows that it's really his/her sub that has the true power. Respect and cherish your sub and the world really could be your oyster! Set your boundaries early! Some women only like being sun in the bedroom where as others like to lead a sub lifestyle. You need to decide what's right for you. Personally for me it stops as I leave my 'Fab' world. In the outside world no one tells me what to do or they would have my balls (a euphemism) up their arse (lol) xxx |
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"there is a good book that's worth a read with some great ideas for play from soft to hard and also some good ideas for a bit of mind play. it's called "The loving dominant ". "
This this this and erm .... this. A very good book.
Tell her to masterbate and tell her she's not to cum. Then get her to write down what she fantasises about. Xxx |
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I started with a list that she rated from 1to 10.
1 hate and 10 - love.
Being naked
Naked/flashing in public
Naked at home
Naked around others at home
No panties in public.
Mild humiliation
Verbal humiliation slut whore etc
Toys - while tied
Toys - anal while tied
Toys - outside
Play with others - blindfolded
As above tied and blindfolded
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Those she marks with a 10 are automatically a game to play.
The ones she's not sure about are boundaries to be nudged and the ones with a 1 are hard limits.
Don't be shy, if you have a fantasy that includes dressing her as a nun and fucking her tied over an alter (not sure where that came from) then add it to the list.
Dressing up
Role play
Roleplay nun?
You get the gist. |
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"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive,
Thats quite a bold statement to make, I expect there are more than a few people on here that would take issue with that if they could be bothered to waste their time replying to such a idiotic notion. . it's just a good job the op has more sense that to take notice of you pearls of wisdom. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the problem is when someone asks you to dom them, its like being asked to start a new job without any training
So I will give you my advice without trying to stick my opinion in as I don't think it helps.
All BDSM and its activities, whether its hardcore or just being tickled is about power play. When a person submits (for whatever reason they have) they want to give control to you so that they don't have worry about details such as safety, planning, buying things etc. Think of a child looking forward to a birthday party.
So she has this expectation from you, so its some scary shit. But remember you also get to have fun with that power cos you get to remind her your in charge. So here's some ideas.
1. Take her for dinner and talk about what you both want, as adults. You could have all the good ideas in the world, but if its not what she wants then it will just tire you both out and kill play.
2. Plan any activities like you would for a small child. Like I can't leave her neck tied up whilst bouncing on a trampoline. Read about risks.
3. Power play doesn't have to be about pain and being tied up. Tell her that you want to be seduced into bed with sexy music, dinner etc. Send her undies that you want her to wear, tell her she can not touch herself etc. Tell her the reward will be you fucking her all night and the punishment might be she has to blow you for 30 minutes and she can't cum if she fails.
4. Tell her you want to meet the whore in her. Your the client and shes the escort, and you come round to hers. She has to cum within 30 minutes only using her hands, feet etc.
5. Give her a few challenges to do, such as trying to make you cum through a lapdance, a foot job, only using her tongue.
6. When you do impact play like spanking, do it with items that she isn't expecting like a hairbrush, a ruler, your hand, a wooden spoon etc.
7. Best thing about BDSM is pushing boundaries  . Shes a woman and is very capable of experiencing multiple orgasms. Think powerful vibrator on clit and then distracting her with things like a ruler or a feather when she is trying to cum. My fave is an etch a sketch and getting them to write how bad they are whilst I hit them for not doing it properly
Good luck and hope it helps x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think the problem is when someone asks you to dom them, its like being asked to start a new job without any training
So I will give you my advice without trying to stick my opinion in as I don't think it helps.
All BDSM and its activities, whether its hardcore or just being tickled is about power play. When a person submits (for whatever reason they have) they want to give control to you so that they don't have worry about details such as safety, planning, buying things etc. Think of a child looking forward to a birthday party.
So she has this expectation from you, so its some scary shit. But remember you also get to have fun with that power cos you get to remind her your in charge. So here's some ideas.
1. Take her for dinner and talk about what you both want, as adults. You could have all the good ideas in the world, but if its not what she wants then it will just tire you both out and kill play.
2. Plan any activities like you would for a small child. Like I can't leave her neck tied up whilst bouncing on a trampoline. Read about risks.
3. Power play doesn't have to be about pain and being tied up. Tell her that you want to be seduced into bed with sexy music, dinner etc. Send her undies that you want her to wear, tell her she can not touch herself etc. Tell her the reward will be you fucking her all night and the punishment might be she has to blow you for 30 minutes and she can't cum if she fails.
4. Tell her you want to meet the whore in her. Your the client and shes the escort, and you come round to hers. She has to cum within 30 minutes only using her hands, feet etc.
5. Give her a few challenges to do, such as trying to make you cum through a lapdance, a foot job, only using her tongue.
6. When you do impact play like spanking, do it with items that she isn't expecting like a hairbrush, a ruler, your hand, a wooden spoon etc.
7. Best thing about BDSM is pushing boundaries . Shes a woman and is very capable of experiencing multiple orgasms. Think powerful vibrator on clit and then distracting her with things like a ruler or a feather when she is trying to cum. My fave is an etch a sketch and getting them to write how bad they are whilst I hit them for not doing it properly
Good luck and hope it helps x"
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
One little piece of advise I can give as an active fetish couple is if you an on using rope or similar for play try and find your nearest rope workshop .they are usually free and run by experienced riggers here you will learn the basics off how to use rope etc safely have seen many with bad injuries from poor rope work .your partner says she doesent want to do the club thing these should be ok for her as they are more like a social with a practical demo and instruction no nudity no play and lots of advise lots of luck and have fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the problem is when someone asks you to dom them, its like being asked to start a new job without any training
So I will give you my advice without trying to stick my opinion in as I don't think it helps.
All BDSM and its activities, whether its hardcore or just being tickled is about power play. When a person submits (for whatever reason they have) they want to give control to you so that they don't have worry about details such as safety, planning, buying things etc. Think of a child looking forward to a birthday party.
So she has this expectation from you, so its some scary shit. But remember you also get to have fun with that power cos you get to remind her your in charge. So here's some ideas.
1. Take her for dinner and talk about what you both want, as adults. You could have all the good ideas in the world, but if its not what she wants then it will just tire you both out and kill play.
2. Plan any activities like you would for a small child. Like I can't leave her neck tied up whilst bouncing on a trampoline. Read about risks.
3. Power play doesn't have to be about pain and being tied up. Tell her that you want to be seduced into bed with sexy music, dinner etc. Send her undies that you want her to wear, tell her she can not touch herself etc. Tell her the reward will be you fucking her all night and the punishment might be she has to blow you for 30 minutes and she can't cum if she fails.
4. Tell her you want to meet the whore in her. Your the client and shes the escort, and you come round to hers. She has to cum within 30 minutes only using her hands, feet etc.
5. Give her a few challenges to do, such as trying to make you cum through a lapdance, a foot job, only using her tongue.
6. When you do impact play like spanking, do it with items that she isn't expecting like a hairbrush, a ruler, your hand, a wooden spoon etc.
7. Best thing about BDSM is pushing boundaries . Shes a woman and is very capable of experiencing multiple orgasms. Think powerful vibrator on clit and then distracting her with things like a ruler or a feather when she is trying to cum. My fave is an etch a sketch and getting them to write how bad they are whilst I hit them for not doing it properly
Good luck and hope it helps x"
Some fun ideas there I hadn't thought of most of my experience is more in the sensation/pain/physical side.
I'll have to try some of those games. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun "
I think what people are saying when they talk about training is to learn the basics either from a peer group, books or video media or maybe even meet with another couple into the same thing and learn from them. A little light spanking is one thing but once you start to move on and explore harder and mind play there are a lot of pitfalls. For example if your going to use a flogger watch some vids and see the correct way to use it then practice on a pillow till you get it right, the same applies for most impact toys they all have the ability to cause harm if used in correctly. if you use rope you need to be away of nerves and the indications of nerve damage which if caused can be irreparable. And mind play can be a traumatic experience if boundaries are not set and the Dom or top is un able to read body languages be understand any signs the sub or bottom is not liking it. The is not pre requisite to actually be a dom in order to play the way the op is describing neither had so be sub or Dom they could simply be neither and just top and bottom or she could In fact top from the bottom to confuse matters more !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas."
if you think reading 50 shades will help them I would say your not ready to comment on this thread !!! |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas.
if you think reading 50 shades will help them I would say your not ready to comment on this thread !!! "
I'm going to have to stop reading this thread, can't afford the screen wipes for the tea I keep spluttering out.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas.
if you think reading 50 shades will help them I would say your not ready to comment on this thread !!! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas.
if you think reading 50 shades will help them I would say your not ready to comment on this thread !!!
I'm going to have to stop reading this thread, can't afford the screen wipes for the tea I keep spluttering out. "
(Can't do it ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Be careful is my advice, don't try anything too advanced / potentially dangerous until you know what you are doing and you know that she isn't going to freak out!
If using restraint/ bondage for the first time, make sure you can get her out of it in seconds even with her thrashing around if she panics!
make sure circulation is ok, check for hands and feet getting cold, if so release her immediately.
Have a clear and understood safe word that means STOP, and you as the Dom HAVE to respect that word and stop immediately.
Sorry if I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but it must be safe, or you can seriously injure someone. I am sure someone will say Im talking a load of nonsense, but please take notice of this, I have 15 years experience on both ends of the whip!
Most of all, both have FUN!!!!"
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun
I think what people are saying when they talk about training is to learn the basics "
As the man is asking for advice on the basics and getting told he is wrong for asking or go elsewhere and ask then I am wondering where he will find an answer.
The other problem I have with people telling others that they are doing things wrong is....who decides what is right for another person?
I think there are many people who think their way is the right way..... then there are some of us who treat it as a bit of fun with bounderies and get on with it.
Obviously the couple of good posts that gave the basic advice for people to start with are probably going to be more beneficial for the OP than being than being told to not ask. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be careful is my advice, don't try anything too advanced / potentially dangerous until you know what you are doing and you know that she isn't going to freak out!
If using restraint/ bondage for the first time, make sure you can get her out of it in seconds even with her thrashing around if she panics!
make sure circulation is ok, check for hands and feet getting cold, if so release her immediately.
Have a clear and understood safe word that means STOP, and you as the Dom HAVE to respect that word and stop immediately.
Sorry if I sound like an old fuddy duddy, but it must be safe, or you can seriously injure someone. I am sure someone will say Im talking a load of nonsense, but please take notice of this, I have 15 years experience on both ends of the whip!
Most of all, both have FUN!!!!"
Also if spanking etc don't hit bottom of the back area where the kidneys are its dangerous x |
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I agree with the above. Some posts are basically saying "I know something you don't, I'm not telling you what it is but if anyone else tries to I'll laugh at them or imply that you are daft for asking in the first place"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun
I think what people are saying when they talk about training is to learn the basics
As the man is asking for advice on the basics and getting told he is wrong for asking or go elsewhere and ask then I am wondering where he will find an answer.
The other problem I have with people telling others that they are doing things wrong is....who decides what is right for another person?
I think there are many people who think their way is the right way..... then there are some of us who treat it as a bit of fun with bounderies and get on with it.
Obviously the couple of good posts that gave the basic advice for people to start with are probably going to be more beneficial for the OP than being than being told to not ask. "
to be honest I have re read the thread and apart from one stupid comment about it being abuse I can't see where people are saying its wrong to ask, some have given advice in detail, we recommended a book we found useful and some have pointed out some points in regard to safety, it's not a easy question to answer in great detail without knowing their dynamic and what their limits are and their level of trust. you could answer his question with pages and pages none of which may help or be relevant that's why sometimes it is better to do some research that way you can narrow it down and find exactly the info he's looking for then ask specific questions which people can then help with. There are lots of good sites and blogs with excellent info on.
also your response earlier stating "what's all this training thing " and stating " the best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing "
contributes to some not wanting to give advise for fear of it being demeaned as you seemed to be doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"God save us from the 'experts'
Hope you take on some of the helpful tips and have fun exploring...
FFS some people are just too serious.
"
hence why some don't like to give advice because someone with nothing helpful to say will shoot them down for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"God save us from the 'experts'
Hope you take on some of the helpful tips and have fun exploring...
FFS some people are just too serious.
hence why some don't like to give advice because someone with nothing helpful to say will shoot them down for it. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have met a woman who wants to be my submissive fuck friend, im looking for ideas of things I can make her do as im new to this, any ideas most appreciated as she keeps asking what treats I have in store for her
Lots of good advice here. I commend the traffic light idea - boundaries are to be nudged, not shattered. Never be under any illusion that the reality is that the sub has the ultimate control. push her too far, the safe word is said and rain stops play. Her gift to you is her being directed and used. Your gift in exchange is to free her of all decision making and guilt. Your task is to work within the illusion that you have real control to push her close to the edge but ideally never over it so ,like all good theatre, the spell of the suspension of reality remains unbroken. At the very deepest level she must KNOW that she is safe in your care, but at every level above that rising into her concious mind you will want her to question that reality. As one lady put it to me- she knows that there are times when she knows I value her well being more than she does.
Talk to her about her fantasies- is it pain that turns her on or bondage or some combination of the two? Does fear and/or humiliation make her wet?
Then small steps. The Dom/sub relationship grows and becomes more as intense as trust is earned and deepens. Simple over door Velcro cuff restraints are a great way to start. Youtube has some tutorials on some pretty bondage. (Never too tight- you should be able to get your fingers comfortably under the rope at any point- & have a means of cutting the rope safely if she gets tingly or cold).
Finally - 'after care'. This sort of play is often very emotional (especially) for the sub. There is may be a down after the high. So the intimacy afterwards when you express how wonderful she has made you feel is important. As is staying in touch for a day or two afterwards. Leave being a selfish uncaring bastard for the role-play. Discover together what works for you and enjoy the liberating hedonism and freedom that can be created by two people bold enough to express themselves with abandon! "
Could not have said it better.
Would like to add that it might be worth going to some bdsm events, there are plenty about, and learn from people in the know. I still do after years and will still do in many years to come. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Also if spanking etc don't hit bottom of the back area where the kidneys are its dangerous x"
Entirely depends on how hard you hit...and is not only valid for this area of the body but for all areas! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun
I think what people are saying when they talk about training is to learn the basics
As the man is asking for advice on the basics and getting told he is wrong for asking or go elsewhere and ask then I am wondering where he will find an answer.
The other problem I have with people telling others that they are doing things wrong is....who decides what is right for another person?
I think there are many people who think their way is the right way..... then there are some of us who treat it as a bit of fun with bounderies and get on with it.
Obviously the couple of good posts that gave the basic advice for people to start with are probably going to be more beneficial for the OP than being than being told to not ask.
to be honest I have re read the thread and apart from one stupid comment about it being abuse I can't see where people are saying its wrong to ask, some have given advice in detail, we recommended a book we found useful and some have pointed out some points in regard to safety, it's not a easy question to answer in great detail without knowing their dynamic and what their limits are and their level of trust. you could answer his question with pages and pages none of which may help or be relevant that's why sometimes it is better to do some research that way you can narrow it down and find exactly the info he's looking for then ask specific questions which people can then help with. There are lots of good sites and blogs with excellent info on.
also your response earlier stating "what's all this training thing " and stating " the best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing "
contributes to some not wanting to give advise for fear of it being demeaned as you seemed to be doing. "
So because I said what WE do I am demeaning what you do?
I would say assuming anyone who asks for advice has been reading a shades book and is why they want to try dom/sub is more demeaning, or even being told that if they have to ask for tips they are not ready.
It is an elitist attitude that comes across on threads on this subject and has been for a long time on many threads.
( obviously this doesn't apply to all posts )
Everyone started somewhere and not everyone needs to have "training " to enjoy what they do in bed ( or out of it ) Some just don't take it as serious as others.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun
I think what people are saying when they talk about training is to learn the basics
As the man is asking for advice on the basics and getting told he is wrong for asking or go elsewhere and ask then I am wondering where he will find an answer.
The other problem I have with people telling others that they are doing things wrong is....who decides what is right for another person?
I think there are many people who think their way is the right way..... then there are some of us who treat it as a bit of fun with bounderies and get on with it.
Obviously the couple of good posts that gave the basic advice for people to start with are probably going to be more beneficial for the OP than being than being told to not ask.
to be honest I have re read the thread and apart from one stupid comment about it being abuse I can't see where people are saying its wrong to ask, some have given advice in detail, we recommended a book we found useful and some have pointed out some points in regard to safety, it's not a easy question to answer in great detail without knowing their dynamic and what their limits are and their level of trust. you could answer his question with pages and pages none of which may help or be relevant that's why sometimes it is better to do some research that way you can narrow it down and find exactly the info he's looking for then ask specific questions which people can then help with. There are lots of good sites and blogs with excellent info on.
also your response earlier stating "what's all this training thing " and stating " the best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing "
contributes to some not wanting to give advise for fear of it being demeaned as you seemed to be doing.
So because I said what WE do I am demeaning what you do?
I would say assuming anyone who asks for advice has been reading a shades book and is why they want to try dom/sub is more demeaning, or even being told that if they have to ask for tips they are not ready.
It is an elitist attitude that comes across on threads on this subject and has been for a long time on many threads.
( obviously this doesn't apply to all posts )
Everyone started somewhere and not everyone needs to have "training " to enjoy what they do in bed ( or out of it ) Some just don't take it as serious as others.
"
I didn't say they had been reading 50 shades and that's why they wanted to sub Dom or that if they had to ask for tips they are not ready and agree those statements are just as demeaning but people give advice and others who are not as serious as you say, just pick fault in it and make churlish comments. nobody knows how serious the op want to take it so people give advice on their own experience if this is a high level of experience then so be it that doesn't make them elitist of expert in all walks of life some will have more experience than others and if you as for advice then you have a choice to take it or not.
As for training maybe it was meant as practice and if that was the case then personally I agree as I for sure wouldn't want a person wielding a flogger at me without even practicing a basic move on a pillow, as someone new it's important that he is aware of any dangers even if only slight. because it's better he starts of on the right foot than goes straight in hurts her and puts her off ever trying it again. We have all made mistakes and probably caused more pain than we meant or got it wrong in some way so surly it better to share what we learn than for someone else to make the same mistake, that's not elitist or condescending it's good manners. we are new to the scene he is asking about and are only to happy to be made aware of possible mistakes and dangers as I for one want to minimise any risk to the most important person In my life if that's wrong then so be it I'm happy to be wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"God save us from the 'experts'
Hope you take on some of the helpful tips and have fun exploring...
FFS some people are just too serious.
hence why some don't like to give advice because someone with nothing helpful to say will shoot them down for it. "
|
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"What is with all the "training" thing....we just had fun and made it up as we went along.
To the OP....the best thing to do is ask her what she actually wants to start with and go from there.
The best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing.
Have fun
I think what people are saying when they talk about training is to learn the basics
As the man is asking for advice on the basics and getting told he is wrong for asking or go elsewhere and ask then I am wondering where he will find an answer.
The other problem I have with people telling others that they are doing things wrong is....who decides what is right for another person?
I think there are many people who think their way is the right way..... then there are some of us who treat it as a bit of fun with bounderies and get on with it.
Obviously the couple of good posts that gave the basic advice for people to start with are probably going to be more beneficial for the OP than being than being told to not ask.
to be honest I have re read the thread and apart from one stupid comment about it being abuse I can't see where people are saying its wrong to ask, some have given advice in detail, we recommended a book we found useful and some have pointed out some points in regard to safety, it's not a easy question to answer in great detail without knowing their dynamic and what their limits are and their level of trust. you could answer his question with pages and pages none of which may help or be relevant that's why sometimes it is better to do some research that way you can narrow it down and find exactly the info he's looking for then ask specific questions which people can then help with. There are lots of good sites and blogs with excellent info on.
also your response earlier stating "what's all this training thing " and stating " the best ideas we found came from our own minds and what we wanted rather than what others tell you what you should be doing "
contributes to some not wanting to give advise for fear of it being demeaned as you seemed to be doing.
So because I said what WE do I am demeaning what you do?
I would say assuming anyone who asks for advice has been reading a shades book and is why they want to try dom/sub is more demeaning, or even being told that if they have to ask for tips they are not ready.
It is an elitist attitude that comes across on threads on this subject and has been for a long time on many threads.
( obviously this doesn't apply to all posts )
Everyone started somewhere and not everyone needs to have "training " to enjoy what they do in bed ( or out of it ) Some just don't take it as serious as others.
I didn't say they had been reading 50 shades and that's why they wanted to sub Dom or that if they had to ask for tips they are not ready and agree those statements are just as demeaning but people give advice and others who are not as serious as you say, just pick fault in it and make churlish comments. nobody knows how serious the op want to take it so people give advice on their own experience if this is a high level of experience then so be it that doesn't make them elitist of expert in all walks of life some will have more experience than others and if you as for advice then you have a choice to take it or not.
As for training maybe it was meant as practice and if that was the case then personally I agree as I for sure wouldn't want a person wielding a flogger at me without even practicing a basic move on a pillow, as someone new it's important that he is aware of any dangers even if only slight. because it's better he starts of on the right foot than goes straight in hurts her and puts her off ever trying it again. We have all made mistakes and probably caused more pain than we meant or got it wrong in some way so surly it better to share what we learn than for someone else to make the same mistake, that's not elitist or condescending it's good manners. we are new to the scene he is asking about and are only to happy to be made aware of possible mistakes and dangers as I for one want to minimise any risk to the most important person In my life if that's wrong then so be it I'm happy to be wrong. "
this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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well ive got some ideas from some of the post on here thanks, from reading the post we not seeking the hardcore pain stuff, just light bondage and kinky fun together and maybe other joining in with us, still any ideas of how to tie her up and sexually tease and use her appreciated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"well ive got some ideas from some of the post on here thanks, from reading the post we not seeking the hardcore pain stuff, just light bondage and kinky fun together and maybe other joining in with us, still any ideas of how to tie her up and sexually tease and use her appreciated "
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"well ive got some ideas from some of the post on here thanks, from reading the post we not seeking the hardcore pain stuff, just light bondage and kinky fun together and maybe other joining in with us, still any ideas of how to tie her up and sexually tease and use her appreciated "
If you're going to use restraints, as someone else suggested, use velcro cuffs to start - Ebay or Anne Summers. They're soft and can be released quickly. Never use cable ties. If you're going to use rope, learn how to tie proper knots that can be undone, use soft silky rope, not poly proplyene washing line, and have scissors on hand in case the knots get stuck.
Most importantly, agree two safe words - we use amber and red (cliche, but adequate). Amber means ok at this level of intensity, but no more severe, and red means stop, drop out of scene, cuddles and comfort. You must not ignore safe words under any circumstances.
As to the dynamic, there are many ways to set the scene and proceed - more than I could possibly outline here, and all are better described in numerous online resources than I would be able to. Take the ideas and adapt them to your own circumstances .
Have fun
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"I have met a woman who wants to be my submissive fuck friend, im looking for ideas of things I can make her do as im new to this, any ideas most appreciated as she keeps asking what treats I have in store for her"
Perhaps you would be better to find out what experience she has before you start making grand plans....she may have zero experience and her idea of 'being submissive' could be very different to yours..... |
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"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive, "
someone hasn't a clue what they are talking about oh dear |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive, someone hasn't a clue what they are talking about oh dear "
Someone.....is saying how she sees it, you see it different and posting as such is your right. Making personal comments about my mental acuity isn't in the spirit of things at all and may prompt a report |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive, someone hasn't a clue what they are talking about oh dear
Someone.....is saying how she sees it, you see it different and posting as such is your right. Making personal comments about my mental acuity isn't in the spirit of things at all and may prompt a report "
I think they were just stating a fact as opposed to to making a comment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do people try to make out that being a sub and Dom takes a lot of dedicated practice? It's just someone who is abusive taking up with someone who likes being abused, simples. Unless the stuff you like is likely to kill someone then just get on with it. Making the whole thing a mysterious practice that should be learned and mastered is ridiculous and pandering to the gobshites who like to keep their activities exclusive, someone hasn't a clue what they are talking about oh dear
Someone.....is saying how she sees it, you see it different and posting as such is your right. Making personal comments about my mental acuity isn't in the spirit of things at all and may prompt a report "
What post are you reading? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm being honest. My boy is Dom and we just naturally go with it. However I know he would never ever hurt me and my physical well being and psychological care is his main priority. We don't have a safe word as he simply knows me. Trust takes time so my advice would just be to go at your own pace. J blindfolded me early and let another man join us. It was a total trust experience and sensational. I was not penetrated at all that was the rule - rules should never be broken! Perhaps try something like that. A true Dom knows that it's really his/her sub that has the true power. Respect and cherish your sub and the world really could be your oyster! Set your boundaries early! Some women only like being sun in the bedroom where as others like to lead a sub lifestyle. You need to decide what's right for you. Personally for me it stops as I leave my 'Fab' world. In the outside world no one tells me what to do or they would have my balls (a euphemism) up their arse (lol) xxx"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP We have recently started to experiment in the D/s side of things....we have done some reading and surfing to get the general ideas and gone with the ideas that feel right. Our focus is on fun for us both. Communication has been key for us, after every 'scene' we talk it through...what went well..how it felt...etc
What we have found is that kinky sex is like a massive rainbow...there is just so much you could do depending on your personalities...whilst there is no right and wrong way to do kinky, if you are the top or Dominant, the responibility for the safety and wellbeing of your partner is with you. So for me (Trev) If I'm going to try something new, I just make myelf aware of anything that could go wrong and start sloooooowly - its easy to intensify something later if it is enjoyable..
Ideas - spanking, pulling hair, having my sub asking for permission to come, dressing up, role play such as....an interogation of a spy/criminal or any other roles you can think of...more to come..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Other ideas...
Blindfolds, being tied up, clothes pegs or hair clips (kirby grips) on nipples,...you get the idea hopefully...whilst you are finding out about each others tastes and limits there's no need to go out spending loads of money.
Most of all have fun and play safe x
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas.
if you think reading 50 shades will help them I would say your not ready to comment on this thread !!! "
Hence I said "god forbid" tbh there are better ideas in the Beano. Perhaps my tongue wasn't far enough into my cheek to be noticed? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"lots of the replies on this thread are why we stopped asking for advice and decided just to do our own thing. A very nice guy messaged us and was extremely helpful, offered advice and answered questions in a straightforward way no patronising and no saying its dangerous without giving advice on how to make it safe. He was the only one.
Everyone starts somewhere. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh, and the mantra is "Safe, Sane and Consensual""
Personally, I prefer RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink as what I like to do is neither safe nor sane 
crystal |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just a thought..... But if you need to as then are you ready for this? Is it really something you would be comfortable with?
Or (god forbid) try reading 50 shades..... Ignore the very poor grammar/English et al....but may give you ideas.
if you think reading 50 shades will help them I would say your not ready to comment on this thread !!!
Hence I said "god forbid" tbh there are better ideas in the Beano. Perhaps my tongue wasn't far enough into my cheek to be noticed?"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Other ideas...
Blindfolds, being tied up, clothes pegs or hair clips (kirby grips) on nipples,...you get the idea hopefully...whilst you are finding out about each others tastes and limits there's no need to go out spending loads of money.
Most of all have fun and play safe x
Good luck. "
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