FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Too "safe" to swing?
Too "safe" to swing?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site!
The last time I was on here I had 2 scary meets, which left me shaken up quite a bit. I decided to give it another try as I know amongst the others, there are some lovely genuine people.
This time around I prefer to chat a little on here and see a photo, and I insist on a social meet somewhere public before we arrange anything a bit naughty (already paid off, was due to meet female half of couple at weekend for a coffee, very pushy and aggressive male turned up, was so glad at that point to be somewhere public!)
But I've just been told I am too cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
I'm not going to let it change my requirements, but I'm curious to know what other peoples opinions are, especially single females.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're right to stick to your guns
I only do club meets for two reasons. They have to be willing to join and pay the fees so it shows if they are remotely serious about it. I also know if i have any issues there's people around who i trust to look after me if i need help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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IMO there's no such thing as being too safe.
For a first meet, after having satisfied yourself that the person is genuine via pics and in our case a minimum of telephone contact, then we'd always meet in a public place like for example a pub or a coffee bar.
To be honest, we'd do that if we were meeting as a couple but also if we were meeting as a single and it doesn't matter if it was a Ruby or myself, single males also need to be cautious as you can never be sure just whom your meeting til your there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
"I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site!
The last time I was on here I had 2 scary meets, which left me shaken up quite a bit. I decided to give it another try as I know amongst the others, there are some lovely genuine people.
This time around I prefer to chat a little on here and see a photo, and I insist on a social meet somewhere public before we arrange anything a bit naughty (already paid off, was due to meet female half of couple at weekend for a coffee, very pushy and aggressive male turned up, was so glad at that point to be somewhere public!)
But I've just been told I am too cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
I'm not going to let it change my requirements, but I'm curious to know what other peoples opinions are, especially single females.
xx "
There's risky in a fun way and there's just plain foolhardy. Each to their own, but speaking as someone new to this I think caution and having an awareness of your own safety is an absolute prerequisite and anyone you may want to spend time with should understand that. If they don't, then maybe that's your first red flag right there.
Anyway, if they don't like it I'm sure there are hundreds of other single females out there that would jump at the chance instead  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
No you don't need to take risks theres some weird people out there and your Safety comes first and only if it feels right for you . Don't meet if your not happy . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no such thing as too cautious.
As a single woman on another site, I could ofmet quite a few., I didn't no patience, as I didnt jump in random cars, ect for meets.
If they haven't got time or patience to chat to you, and meet in public place, they are not worth knowing.
Take it easy girl.
Her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's no such thing as being too safe!! Your weekend meet proved that!!
We always always have a social meet first for this reason, even as a couple, you just never know who's fake, time wasting it just plain crazy!!
If the person(s) kick up a fuss about a social meet then that's all we need to know not to have it. Keep doing what your doing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think a good bit of banter is half the fun getting to know one and other.. Men that just want straight sex should pay for it.. I think the men on here maybe forget there talking to genuine women .. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements."
Totally agree, well said. |
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By *ean299Man
over a year ago
Lucan |
"You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements."
I fully agree  |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
"You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements.
Totally agree, well said."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Believe me anyone who cannot respect my preferences, which are laid out clearly in my profile, wouldn't be getting in my knickers!
Apparently though I am a prude for taking my safety seriously! Lol don't think I've ever been called a prude before,usually quite the opposite  |
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My first meet on here was amazing and it made me a little over confident and ended up in an awful, scary situation with a different meet. As a woman meeting alone you can't be too careful. Ive decided to take things slower and if they get bored or fed up of waiting for me to feel confident to meet then they're not worth it. Stay safe x x |
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Certainly for couples and ladies I have met it is important to want to share in some mutual fun and all boundaries respected
Do what you feel comfortable with
If you ever visit Amsterdam I visit some clubs with people visiting from UK and also cinemas where ladies are respected so feel free to send me any questions
The experience must be enjoyable for all and if not the case then no point
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you are right as i have had some bad experiences too with pushy aggresive men. i deleted my profile a while ago because of it, i am wary of people now more than i was before.
i updated my profile and changed my message filters, i prefer to meet men with recent verifications, face pic and talk on the phone, though some men who were pushy had good verifications. |
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In my experience the ones not willing to have a coffee meet in a public place have got something to hide. Often an unsuspecting other half.
I insist on a face pic and a coffee meet to, if they don't want to I wish them well and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my experience the ones not willing to have a coffee meet in a public place have got something to hide. Often an unsuspecting other half.
I insist on a face pic and a coffee meet to, if they don't want to I wish them well and move on. "
Very sensible |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Vag when she was solo always had social meets first. Even then she had a very scary 2nd meeting when the guy got nasty. Now she has me & a baseball bat instead of the social lol
We do always ask for a face photo & chat a fair bit on here before meeting.
Do agree that club meets are also safer generally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always have a social meet first. If it's couples I want to speak to the female on the phone before even a social meet.
If someone complains about your rules, the person is not for you. If they can't respect a simple rule they won't respect you in real life.
Don't ever question your own way of doing things. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even as a straight guy I am careful as there have been a couple of potential meets which just set alarm bells ringing for me as the "couple" made changes to meet and demands so happy to meet in public first then move on. And that can either be on the same day or two different meets.
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By *utumnWoman
over a year ago
leeds |
"You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site! "
Sounds to me like whoever has said this to you has spat their dummy out because you didn't offer to be home alone in sexy lingerie waiting with the door unlocked for them to come straight over within minutes of receiving a message!!
As others have said, play by your rules. If you don't feel safe on a meet then you aren't going to enjoy yourself so it defeats the object. Unfortunately there are a number of people on here who assume that anyone who is online is ready and willing to play and when they are told 'no' they try to belittle and bully to get their own way. Just block and move on to someone who will respect the way you want to play...there are more who understand the reasons for a social first than expect instant play |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always have a social meet first. If it's couples I want to speak to the female on the phone before even a social meet.
If someone complains about your rules, the person is not for you. If they can't respect a simple rule they won't respect you in real life.
Don't ever question your own way of doing things. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like you are bring sensible, I follow the same procedure if meeting someone for the first time. I also have a friend, who is on here that also knows where and when I am meeting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"IMO there's no such thing as being too safe.
For a first meet, after having satisfied yourself that the person is genuine via pics and in our case a minimum of telephone contact, then we'd always meet in a public place like for example a pub or a coffee bar.
To be honest, we'd do that if we were meeting as a couple but also if we were meeting as a single and it doesn't matter if it was a Ruby or myself, single males also need to be cautious as you can never be sure just whom your meeting til your there."
This, I always do a social first if they are genuine they will be happy with that. |
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By *enninemarkMan
over a year ago
huddersfield/manchester |
Anyone who says you are too safe and dont respect the way you feel about that are most likely the kind that make you feel unsafe. And are probably safest to avoid!
Stick to your instincts and your own rules. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all, it's comforting to know I'm not being overly cautious or a wimp!
Unfortunately think I'm going to have to set message filters and take a break from single men, they just cannot understand that a social isn't sitting having a drink in their house, or being picked up in their car. Does make me laugh when they say "I'm not a nutter", I'm pretty sure Fred and Rose West said the same 
It's true that there is a common belief that if you on Fab that you are constantly immediately available to service the sexual needs of others, and your willing to screw everyone and anyone, even though you've not seen a single photo!!
Rant over lol, it's a beautiful day and I'd rather be safe and horny then anything else
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been swinging on and off for 7 years now I have had probably 3 weird meets in all that time, I have my filters set and I only ever meet once I am comfortable otherwise what is the point.
I like to chat to my potential meets via cam and get to know them a little before even attempting a social meet and I go with my gut reactions they are usually spot on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site!
The last time I was on here I had 2 scary meets, which left me shaken up quite a bit. I decided to give it another try as I know amongst the others, there are some lovely genuine people.
This time around I prefer to chat a little on here and see a photo, and I insist on a social meet somewhere public before we arrange anything a bit naughty (already paid off, was due to meet female half of couple at weekend for a coffee, very pushy and aggressive male turned up, was so glad at that point to be somewhere public!)
But I've just been told I am too cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
I'm not going to let it change my requirements, but I'm curious to know what other peoples opinions are, especially single females.
xx "
Stick to your guns. Anyone who rushes you see it as a sign that they're not suitable.
Likewise with socials first. Always, always stick to public busy spaces.
Plenty of guys will respect your boundaries and need for safety. Someone saying you're too cautious is either impatient or doesn't appreciate the risks, especially for women but also themselves.
If I meet a guy alone Mr D comes on the first meet. If someone said no to that then it's not happening.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are absolutely right to take all the precautions that you feel are necessary...
I've had a few scary moments from here and always go with my gut feelings.
If somebody complains that you are "too safe" - then they are probably just the sort of person that you need to be careful with - if they won't respect your limits up front, then they might not respect your safety on a meet....
Stick to your guns!!!
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're doing EXACTLY the right thing.
Even if you hadn't been proven right... it's your life, your swinging choice, and you have no need whatsoever to listen to anybody else's opinion on what are YOUR safety requirements.
Totally agree, well said."
I also agree! You have complete control and stick to what works for you!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"IMO there's no such thing as being too safe.
For a first meet, after having satisfied yourself that the person is genuine via pics and in our case a minimum of telephone contact, then we'd always meet in a public place like for example a pub or a coffee bar.
To be honest, we'd do that if we were meeting as a couple but also if we were meeting as a single and it doesn't matter if it was a Ruby or myself, single males also need to be cautious as you can never be sure just whom your meeting til your there."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is no such thing as too cautious.
As a single woman on another site, I could ofmet quite a few., I didn't no patience, as I didnt jump in random cars, ect for meets.
If they haven't got time or patience to chat to you, and meet in public place, they are not worth knowing.
Take it easy girl.
Her"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site!
The last time I was on here I had 2 scary meets, which left me shaken up quite a bit. I decided to give it another try as I know amongst the others, there are some lovely genuine people.
This time around I prefer to chat a little on here and see a photo, and I insist on a social meet somewhere public before we arrange anything a bit naughty (already paid off, was due to meet female half of couple at weekend for a coffee, very pushy and aggressive male turned up, was so glad at that point to be somewhere public!)
But I've just been told I am too cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
I'm not going to let it change my requirements, but I'm curious to know what other peoples opinions are, especially single females.
xx "
You do what you want to don't let people dictate to you especially if you see it as a potential risk. |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
Just stick to your guns. As you can see, most sensible people agree with you and do the same as you.
As for the ignorant people who said you were 'too safe' - tell them to shove it up their own self important backside!! ONLY do what YOU want to do or feel happy and safe doing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always got to do what works for you ... I think some people take offence at you not believing they are a good person !!!! The mad thing is they miss out because they won't do a social first .... Had one guy recently he was ticking all my boxes and I could have seen him on a reg basis if we clicked !!! (Which is what he said he was looking for) but he had a problem with me wanting a social ! So we simply won't meet !!!! Its just not worth it !!!! Safety is paramount x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site!
The last time I was on here I had 2 scary meets, which left me shaken up quite a bit. I decided to give it another try as I know amongst the others, there are some lovely genuine people.
This time around I prefer to chat a little on here and see a photo, and I insist on a social meet somewhere public before we arrange anything a bit naughty (already paid off, was due to meet female half of couple at weekend for a coffee, very pushy and aggressive male turned up, was so glad at that point to be somewhere public!)
But I've just been told I am too cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
I'm not going to let it change my requirements, but I'm curious to know what other peoples opinions are, especially single females.
xx "
"i say take it as fast/slow as you feel the need to....your health and your safety must be paramount when it comes to meetings!! if you have had unfortunate bad experiences in the past then anything that makes you feel safer and more comfortable is a good thing!! |
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"I have just been told I am too "safe" and cautious and I shouldn't be on a swingers site!
The last time I was on here I had 2 scary meets, which left me shaken up quite a bit. I decided to give it another try as I know amongst the others, there are some lovely genuine people.
This time around I prefer to chat a little on here and see a photo, and I insist on a social meet somewhere public before we arrange anything a bit naughty (already paid off, was due to meet female half of couple at weekend for a coffee, very pushy and aggressive male turned up, was so glad at that point to be somewhere public!)
But I've just been told I am too cautious to be on a site like this, that I need to be riskier!
I'm not going to let it change my requirements, but I'm curious to know what other peoples opinions are, especially single females.
xx "
I am sure it has already been said but always play by your rules and always think of your safety. Always make the first meet a social meet in a public place. If any body doesn't like that then tell them where to go.
When it comes to your personal safety how can you be too safe or too cautious? Unless you are an idiot of course you are going to be cautious and think of your safety. By the sounds of it OP you are not an idiot as you are cautious and you think of your safety. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't understand the logic in telling someone they shouldn't be on a swingers site just because they aren't willing to meet on a whim or because they use the site differently - it just comes across as throwing ones toys out of the pram.
As everyone says, stick to your guns. Ignore idiots. Safety comes first and I like yourself and others in the thread have found myself in the unfortunate situation of a meet scenario that went very wrong. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for ensuring your own safety. Anyone worth their salt would respect the fact that there's a certain vulnerability about a single person meeting another/others and not question it. |
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