FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Honesty.
Honesty.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Am I being naïve getting a bit upset when people are dishonest?
I would say I'm fairly laid back but I always say the truth (however hurtful) is better than being told what you want to hear, but still people who I thought I was close to choose to tell me fluffy things to hide the truth.
Do you think that you can have long standing 'relationships' on here or are they destined to be short lived?
I thought I had made a friend for life but it turns out that was just a line to keep me in the background to pick up and drop when convenient.
Feeling a little disheartened!!  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I am a half full glass person in everyday life, I love my life.
I believe very little of what I read on here and have heard the biggest load of shit from people when they needed something from me.
It is the world of the internet and the appropriate personas.
good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think on this site, by definition, the vast majority are looking for no strings, casual sex. And, unfortunately, some people will play with emotions to get it. If I were single, I wouldn't come here looking for anything other than a dirty encounter. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think on this site, by definition, the vast majority are looking for no strings, casual sex. And, unfortunately, some people will play with emotions to get it. If I were single, I wouldn't come here looking for anything other than a dirty encounter."
Well that's it!! I wasn't looking for anything super serious, just some lovely sex.... The good friends 'you mean a lot to me' stuff was started by them, I sort of went along with it because let's face its nice!! Then the things they say and the things they do don't match and it left me ever so confussed!! I think I've just answered my own question about being naïve!! Haha!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think on this site, by definition, the vast majority are looking for no strings, casual sex. And, unfortunately, some people will play with emotions to get it. If I were single, I wouldn't come here looking for anything other than a dirty encounter.
Well that's it!! I wasn't looking for anything super serious, just some lovely sex.... The good friends 'you mean a lot to me' stuff was started by them, I sort of went along with it because let's face its nice!! Then the things they say and the things they do don't match and it left me ever so confussed!! I think I've just answered my own question about being naïve!! Haha!!"
Sound like you have  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I find in the outside world I generally get used for secret fat girl sex!! Hence why I'm on here so at least its a bit more honsest and I don't expect anything else.
I can't seem to win!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find in the outside world I generally get used for secret fat girl sex!! Hence why I'm on here so at least its a bit more honsest and I don't expect anything else.
I can't seem to win!!"
I'm a secret fat girl too. Also a convenience for busy men. It is enough for me at this moment and it makes me happy. When it doesn't I will stop. Do you really think it's different on here? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well yes because that's what I've signed up for and that's fine by me.
What I don't like is someone pretending to like me in a dating sense to keep me where they want me. I prefer honesty... If you want me as a fuck buddy that's fine... If you want me as a one off.. Also fine, but tell me so I can make my own discision about it!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well yes because that's what I've signed up for and that's fine by me.
What I don't like is someone pretending to like me in a dating sense to keep me where they want me. I prefer honesty... If you want me as a fuck buddy that's fine... If you want me as a one off.. Also fine, but tell me so I can make my own discision about it!! "
Don't give them the power to be able to tell you, take it yourself. |
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"Well yes because that's what I've signed up for and that's fine by me.
What I don't like is someone pretending to like me in a dating sense to keep me where they want me. I prefer honesty... If you want me as a fuck buddy that's fine... If you want me as a one off.. Also fine, but tell me so I can make my own discision about it!! "
well i as a single female
agree totally with what you say ,i too get hurt when guys deceive me ,everyone says take what guys on here with a pinch of salt or your too vulnerable so guys take advantage of you ,so why do they ??
and folk say im bitter about men ,no just seeing them for what they are !!x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like you're trusting your instincts- they say one thing but their actions tell a different story. Just be wary. As others have said, some people will say anything they think you want to hear. Don't feel bad. They are the problem for lying, not you for trusting them.
Live and learn. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Don't give them the power to be able to tell you, take it yourself. "
Oh god I must sound like a right wimp!! Haha!! What I mean is there's no need to lie...... Ill either be fine with it (and I normally am) or I won't and that's that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always believe in being honest from the start i state in my profile that I'm attached and will always put it in a message some are fine with others aren't which is cool I suppose it's personal preference |
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"
Don't give them the power to be able to tell you, take it yourself.
Oh god I must sound like a right wimp!! Haha!! What I mean is there's no need to lie...... Ill either be fine with it (and I normally am) or I won't and that's that."
im right behind you about everything you say x |
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Honesty starts with oneself and the people that give all the bs do so because they've been dishonest with themselves first, that makes it impossible to be honest with anyone else.
I don't believe in always telling the truth no matter how much it hurts though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I being naïve getting a bit upset when people are dishonest?
I would say I'm fairly laid back but I always say the truth (however hurtful) is better than being told what you want to hear, but still people who I thought I was close to choose to tell me fluffy things to hide the truth.
Do you think that you can have long standing 'relationships' on here or are they destined to be short lived?
I thought I had made a friend for life but it turns out that was just a line to keep me in the background to pick up and drop when convenient.
Feeling a little disheartened!! "
I have a saying, Darling...."The truth is the truth is the truth".
I NEVER lie to anyone, it's just not right.
Tell the truth and always sleep well. XXX |
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I can't help but think you guys are reading too much into this.
This is a site where people look for sex.
Whatever their reasons, their situations, their attachments - it's about sex.
Just like the rest of life - there are some lovely people and there are a lot of assholes. Just don't be surprised.
There is a very strong chance that you won't meet the love of your life on Fabswingers.
Who cares??? There's always match.com |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Your missing my point. I'm not looking for the love of my life. What I'm saying is what's the point in saying all those things (which are untrue) when the truth will do?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Honesty starts with oneself and the people that give all the bs do so because they've been dishonest with themselves first, that makes it impossible to be honest with anyone else.
I don't believe in always telling the truth no matter how much it hurts though."
Well yes I suppsose there's a limit!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Don't give them the power to be able to tell you, take it yourself.
Oh god I must sound like a right wimp!! Haha!! What I mean is there's no need to lie...... Ill either be fine with it (and I normally am) or I won't and that's that. im right behind you about everything you say x"
I think any single woman on here who says that she hasn't been hurt by the actions of others is probably not truthful to herself... self esteem goes out the window, self confidence in pieces... I for one have been there and it is the singularly one thing that continues to put me off this site (however, due to loneliness I always give it "one last try" / the benefit of the doubt)
With some couples we have to abide by rules... with single men the b***s***t and unless you can completely switch off your body and emotions and accept that you are wanted for one thing, and one thing only, you have to wonder if this the right place to hang out? ((hugs)) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing but ive toughened up since being on here - but i find myself thinking less of people than i used to and tend not to give folk the benefit of the doubt as much as i used to - i like to think the best of people but theres some awful folk about  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find in the outside world I generally get used for secret fat girl sex!! Hence why I'm on here so at least its a bit more honsest and I don't expect anything else.
I can't seem to win!!"
don't look at a win or lose just have fun the way you want it. XX |
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it doesnt matter whether or not we are on here looking for love ,we deserve to be treated properly and not fed a load of bull by guys just to get what they want
cos in a way its evil and despicable . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I think any single woman on here who says that she hasn't been hurt by the actions of others is probably not truthful to herself... self esteem goes out the window, self confidence in pieces... I for one have been there and it is the singularly one thing that continues to put me off this site (however, due to loneliness I always give it "one last try" / the benefit of the doubt)
With some couples we have to abide by rules... with single men the b***s***t and unless you can completely switch off your body and emotions and accept that you are wanted for one thing, and one thing only, you have to wonder if this the right place to hang out? ((hugs)) "
Thank you your right you do sort of have to switch off, but its hard when someones so persistant, then you start to think 'wow he quite likes me! Isn't this nice' it gives you a little boost, then you find something out and it chips away a bit of that boost, then something else comes out and then another thing and by the end of it that little boost soooooo wasn't worth it!! Haha!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you don't know people well, they can feed you all sorts of crap here .. just to keep you happy .. and so they can pop back into your life .. I once meet a man here who lied and I only new its was all lies from chating to his sister on FB ... Made me see what a fool I was . Really upset me as I was thinking I could read people well .... But he was different so good a Narcissistic with a personality disorder .After that I found it hard to trust only my family . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your missing my point. I'm not looking for the love of my life. What I'm saying is what's the point in saying all those things (which are untrue) when the truth will do?? "
Because some believe the truth won't get their cock sucked on a regular basis...and to some extent it's true. I'm not on here looking for 'the one' but when I've had men in my bed telling me they'd never date anyone from FAB then it puts me off a future meet because, whilst I may not want them in that way, I also don't like being _iewed as less worthy because I enjoy sex.
Many people will say what they think people want to hear because they don't want to come across as being insensitive. Yes it would be better if they say nothing at all rather than lie, but unfortunately it happens. Learn from it and move on...no point dwelling on it as it's only you that'll be upset |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well yes because that's what I've signed up for and that's fine by me.
What I don't like is someone pretending to like me in a dating sense to keep me where they want me. I prefer honesty... If you want me as a fuck buddy that's fine... If you want me as a one off.. Also fine, but tell me so I can make my own discision about it!! "
100% agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...but when I've had men in my bed telling me they'd never date anyone from FAB then it puts me off a future meet because, whilst I may not want them in that way, I also don't like being _iewed as less worthy because I enjoy sex..."
I once had a man who I saw quite regularly, tell me, after doing the deed, that men don't marry women like me... I asked him to explain what he meant? I am an educated (to degree level), well dressed, respectable woman with a well paid senior management position in a large organisation and was rather miffed that because he met me in a FAB scenario that he could then make such a judgement of my off site life... his answer?... well you're single and on here... he later went on to marry a very plain looking, stick thin, woman (wedding picture in the local paper)... I still see him around on site and chat to him occasionally and think well if that's what being married to you is like, you still need to get your kicks on here, then I'm glad I'm not the one you married !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is the internet, so you will find more 'tell what they think you want to hear'.
If honesty is important to you, then judge it on an individual basis.
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Well im to honest for my own good I think.
Ive been seeing a bloke on here as a mate in and out of the bedroom.
Trouble is when we do have a meet its great get on like a house on fire. But then he turns in to a knob end, wont talk to me, blocks me and is just a rude git. Then is back sniffing around after a week. Wtf if I wanted that crap id get married!lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well im to honest for my own good I think.
Ive been seeing a bloke on here as a mate in and out of the bedroom.
Trouble is when we do have a meet its great get on like a house on fire. But then he turns in to a knob end, wont talk to me, blocks me and is just a rude git. Then is back sniffing around after a week. Wtf if I wanted that crap id get married!lol. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I work all over the country in the entertainment biz ; at one time a fellow band mate and I had FBs all over the place. I was always honest and said this is a bit of after show fun nothing more; my colleague would always give the " my wife doesn't understand me " BS and intimate that there might be a real relationship in the offing , maybe leaving his mrs etc.. He had nothing but grief, drama and threats from upset and aggrieved women.
I personally don't see why someone who enjoys NS sex should be seen as a lesser person; equally I don't think it's fair to lead people on with the promise of a relationship when all your after is a naughty time..
As a foot note I now live with one of my FBs and moving in with a bi sex manic is possibly the best thing I've ever done  |
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Everyone lies, often to themselves.
But taking an empathic approach towards another's feelings is no bad thing. There are usually many ways of saying the same thing, and if ultimately, such as on fab, you're not interested in someone, then just leaving it at that, rather than adding specifics such as not liking their looks, their personality etc, is usually avoidable.
The world is a hard enough place for many people, without adding insult to injury. Everyone typically has something great about them, so appreciating the good is worthwhile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Life has given me a dose of cynicism (which is preferable to doses of something else  ). I do not believe what I am told until I feel it is true. I trust in my intuition for this. That isn't to state I'll disbelieve someone just that I'll suspend what they say until it's somewhat proved/disproved by intuition (time, behaviour, actions and anything else that gets thrown in to the mix).
On the odd occasion I'll hope I have been given the truth but then that has lead to disappointment. As humans we're not infallible, but long gone are the days that I believe people are inherently honest just because I am.
Someone mentioned dating sites - it is because of dating sites I am have cynicism  . I have found more honesty here because cheaters do not have to lie to get a meet. |
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"Everyone lies, often to themselves.
But taking an empathic approach towards another's feelings is no bad thing. There are usually many ways of saying the same thing, and if ultimately, such as on fab, you're not interested in someone, then just leaving it at that, rather than adding specifics such as not liking their looks, their personality etc, is usually avoidable.
The world is a hard enough place for many people, without adding insult to injury. Everyone typically has something great about them, so appreciating the good is worthwhile. "
Yes! For example a friend turns up somewhere feeling a million dollars in her new dress but looking like four pennorth of gawd help us woudl telling her achieve anything other than making her feel rubbish? |
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By *affy72Woman
over a year ago
Herefordshire |
I think the OP and others who have experienced this type of dishonesty have made very valid points.
Most of us are here because we have an interest in sex/meeting interesting people that we otherwise may not meet in our everyday lives. I don't understand why some people feel the need to manipulate you, and as NVC said, it's not just here, dating sites can be worse.
I don't need to be flattered, misled, and lied to and I don't do that to others. Unfortunately, far too many on here say one thing and do another. I'm sure a lot of it is that they don't want you meeting anyone else, and want you at their beck and call, whilst at the same time, they continue to meet others regardless. They're the sort who then feign surprise when you, understandably call them out on it. They might even put up a status update reminding everyone that "it's just no strings sex peeps!", yet they're the ones who start with all the promises, and of course if you're human, you're going to want to go along with it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Most of us are here because we have an interest in sex/meeting interesting people that we otherwise may not meet in our everyday lives. I don't understand why some people feel the need to manipulate you, and as NVC said, it's not just here, dating sites can be worse.
I don't need to be flattered, misled, and lied to and I don't do that to others. Unfortunately, far too many on here say one thing and do another. I'm sure a lot of it is that they don't want you meeting anyone else, and want you at their beck and call, whilst at the same time, they continue to meet others regardless. They're the sort who then feign surprise when you, understandably call them out on it. They might even put up a status update reminding everyone that "it's just no strings sex peeps!", yet they're the ones who start with all the promises, and of course if you're human, you're going to want to go along with it."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All of us have a vanilla life alongside what goes on on here. Therefore no one, unless very naive, will reveal everything about themselves.
I am always polite ,respectful and friendly to whoever I meet or contact. I would hope that is not mistaken for anything more than common courtesy.
I believe that we should get the maximum enjoyment out of the time we are together but not expect any more from it.
I am sorry this lady feels deceived but hope that she realises there are many decent people in this community who treat each other with great respect. |
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Some terrific posts on this thread, I agree with most. To my mind it is so unnecessary to use 'dating site tactics' on here and bullshit to get into someone's knickers - were all here for the same thing!! But they do do it, and some are very skilfull and machiavellian at it too!! I too have experienced the smooth deceiver who pretended to love me etc (after one night? Yea right, pull the other one mate!) just to try to keep me exclusive and available for a few weeks, presumably while he set up the next victim.
I am damn sure there are some narcissists on here, and probably quite a few NPD/borderline too. Oh and they are good, some are skilled seducers who can make you feel like a goddess.
But any lie is a 'violation of expectation' - we should be able to expect people to be honest, that is how it is supposed to be!! I think it's a damn shame in a site like this, it would be so easy if everyone was honest, so much more healthy, sex can give us all such a boost! People say 'oh it's only nsa' - but NO, if you dump a load of bull on me to get it that *IS* attached baggage, it spoils the whole deal! "Oh the sex was great but he was a lying toad". Who needs it?
And yet cynicism is the only defense and I resent that - I want to stay with a lifelong philosophy of 'innocent until proven guilty' but in order to protect myself against that constant violation I would have to be guarded at least, take everything with a pinch of salt, suspend both belief and disbelief until time proves one or the other.
Handsome is as handsome does - words mean nothing, someone's behaviour will reveal their true attitude eventually. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for all your comments.... I'm sorry that so many of you have felt like I do in the past, but its reassuing at the same time as your all still here and being fabulous and having fun
Lots of hugs xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for all your comments.... I'm sorry that so many of you have felt like I do in the past, but its reassuing at the same time as your all still here and being fabulous and having fun
Lots of hugs xx"
It's actually also quite sad that we are still allowing ourselves to be potentially at risk from getting hurt again... Lol x and people wonder why they don't have much luck with the single woman on fab... We are all far to cynical |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we all get different things from this site. For me it was replacing some bad memories and creating some fun ones..
Yes some guys promise all sorts... Yet don't deliver...others think some affection is a marriage proposition...
But its the same for single girls from a guys _iew... They think we stand them up.. We scim off the best .... We are in control and blame us if they don't get meets.
I love the honesty of the majority of people on here... On dating sites you can hardly say I've had two meets this week and still be in with a chance...
I feel safer with married men as they don't stalk like some of the single guys ( message after message ) yet I get used to feeling used... But hey my choice... I'm happy for now.
Take every experience on its merits... Good and bad... Amazing the amount of genuine, truthful, fun and sexy people on here... A few bad eggs but that's the nature of life
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unfortunately its the bad eggs on here
that have spoilt this for me ,the ones that have no shame in hurting your feelings cos i'm only human and being a sensitive person it gets to me ,maybe need to have some lessons in being a hard face
bitch  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"unfortunately its the bad eggs on here
that have spoilt this for me ,the ones that have no shame in hurting your feelings cos i'm only human and being a sensitive person it gets to me ,maybe need to have some lessons in being a hard face
bitch "
You do not need to be a hard face bitch, honey. Learn not to take things personally. The problem lies with the deceiver, not you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not just on here.
We are lied to all the time in the real world.
They tell you a Bently does 18 miles to the gallon. Bollocks 8 round town.
Just look at adverts on the telly.
Yer right enought said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I being naïve getting a bit upset when people are dishonest?
I would say I'm fairly laid back but I always say the truth (however hurtful) is better than being told what you want to hear, but still people who I thought I was close to choose to tell me fluffy things to hide the truth.
Do you think that you can have long standing 'relationships' on here or are they destined to be short lived?
I thought I had made a friend for life but it turns out that was just a line to keep me in the background to pick up and drop when convenient.
Feeling a little disheartened!! "
Not at all I feel the same. Been chatting to a guy for a while now and he's local and said he'd take us to a party Saturday so booked time off work and everything. He's now turned around and said he's going with someone else! And then he wonders why I'm annoyed. Some men have no respect for women. |
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"Am I being naïve getting a bit upset when people are dishonest?
I would say I'm fairly laid back but I always say the truth (however hurtful) is better than being told what you want to hear, but still people who I thought I was close to choose to tell me fluffy things to hide the truth.
Do you think that you can have long standing 'relationships' on here or are they destined to be short lived?
I thought I had made a friend for life but it turns out that was just a line to keep me in the background to pick up and drop when convenient.
Feeling a little disheartened!!
Not at all I feel the same. Been chatting to a guy for a while now and he's local and said he'd take us to a party Saturday so booked time off work and everything. He's now turned around and said he's going with someone else! And then he wonders why I'm annoyed. Some men have no respect for women. "
amen to that ,now its time for work !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"it doesnt matter whether or not we are on here looking for love ,we deserve to be treated properly and not fed a load of bull by guys just to get what they want
cos in a way its evil and despicable ."
honesty is the best policy and should come natural. you will always get found out in the end |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I being naïve getting a bit upset when people are dishonest?
I would say I'm fairly laid back but I always say the truth (however hurtful) is better than being told what you want to hear, but still people who I thought I was close to choose to tell me fluffy things to hide the truth.
Do you think that you can have long standing 'relationships' on here or are they destined to be short lived?
I thought I had made a friend for life but it turns out that was just a line to keep me in the background to pick up and drop when convenient.
Feeling a little disheartened!!
Not at all I feel the same. Been chatting to a guy for a while now and he's local and said he'd take us to a party Saturday so booked time off work and everything. He's now turned around and said he's going with someone else! And then he wonders why I'm annoyed. Some men have no respect for women. amen to that ,now its time for work !!!"
Don't get me wrong I'm married (yes he knows) so just looking for NSA sex but when I book time of work, buy an outfit, and get very excited, I get annoyed  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some terrific posts on this thread, I agree with most. To my mind it is so unnecessary to use 'dating site tactics' on here and bullshit to get into someone's knickers - were all here for the same thing!! But they do do it, and some are very skilfull and machiavellian at it too!! I too have experienced the smooth deceiver who pretended to love me etc (after one night? Yea right, pull the other one mate!) just to try to keep me exclusive and available for a few weeks, presumably while he set up the next victim.
I am damn sure there are some narcissists on here, and probably quite a few NPD/borderline too. Oh and they are good, some are skilled seducers who can make you feel like a goddess.
But any lie is a 'violation of expectation' - we should be able to expect people to be honest, that is how it is supposed to be!! I think it's a damn shame in a site like this, it would be so easy if everyone was honest, so much more healthy, sex can give us all such a boost! People say 'oh it's only nsa' - but NO, if you dump a load of bull on me to get it that *IS* attached baggage, it spoils the whole deal! "Oh the sex was great but he was a lying toad". Who needs it?
And yet cynicism is the only defense and I resent that - I want to stay with a lifelong philosophy of 'innocent until proven guilty' but in order to protect myself against that constant violation I would have to be guarded at least, take everything with a pinch of salt, suspend both belief and disbelief until time proves one or the other.
Handsome is as handsome does - words mean nothing, someone's behaviour will reveal their true attitude eventually."
good post xxx and a lot of truth in it too xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do know where you are coming from and I see your side of things.
No, people shouldn't lie. There is no need. People still will all the same.
You can only get hurt by someone if you let yourself get hurt.
This is why I said further up not to give them the power to hurt you, take that power yourself.
This site will always attract idiots I'm afraid, that doesn't mean you still can't enjoy your time here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been told something recently that was offensive usually it would upset me but ive just laughed it off.
Just lied to get out of meeting me, and such a pathetic excuse lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well yes because that's what I've signed up for and that's fine by me.
What I don't like is someone pretending to like me in a dating sense to keep me where they want me. I prefer honesty... If you want me as a fuck buddy that's fine... If you want me as a one off.. Also fine, but tell me so I can make my own discision about it!! "
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"I do know where you are coming from and I see your side of things.
No, people shouldn't lie. There is no need. People still will all the same.
You can only get hurt by someone if you let yourself get hurt.
"
I'm not sure that is so - at least not without becoming something I don't want to become.
Sure 'Don't be taken in ' is a partial defense - but in order to do that I have to become defensive and cynical to some degree, ie no longer take anyone I ever talk to at face value.
Sure, one can decide to expect nothing from anyone, expect them to all be worthless bullshitters, or just plain not give a damn about them. But that's not much of a turnon to me though, I don't do instant club sex, I like sleeping with people I think are decent and genuine!! Catch 22 maybe.
My point is always that lying to someone is always a 'trespass', never without cost. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
You can only get hurt by someone if you let yourself get hurt.
This is why I said further up not to give them the power to hurt you, take that power yourself."
How do you do this?? People often say this to me (I'm a natural mug!!) But HOW do you do it?!! I'm never going to be super hard, that's one of the GOOD things about me!!
How do you suggest I stop people treating me like that?? Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You can only get hurt by someone if you let yourself get hurt.
This is why I said further up not to give them the power to hurt you, take that power yourself.
How do you do this?? People often say this to me (I'm a natural mug!!) But HOW do you do it?!! I'm never going to be super hard, that's one of the GOOD things about me!!
How do you suggest I stop people treating me like that?? Xx"
You live and you lean I have over the years .. And learn not everyone is real some are very cleaver in how they go about there game here ... and that's what it is to some a game . I am sure some get up in the morning think today I will be this person and never letting you really know the real person . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Don't give them the power to be able to tell you, take it yourself.
Oh god I must sound like a right wimp!! Haha!! What I mean is there's no need to lie...... Ill either be fine with it (and I normally am) or I won't and that's that. im right behind you about everything you say x
I think any single woman on here who says that she hasn't been hurt by the actions of others is probably not truthful to herself... self esteem goes out the window, self confidence in pieces... I for one have been there and it is the singularly one thing that continues to put me off this site (however, due to loneliness I always give it "one last try" / the benefit of the doubt)
With some couples we have to abide by rules... with single men the b***s***t and unless you can completely switch off your body and emotions and accept that you are wanted for one thing, and one thing only, you have to wonder if this the right place to hang out? ((hugs)) "
One thing iv learnt in life is men say these nice things because they don't know how to act around a female. They think that's what we want to hear. I personally am strong enough mentally to want to meet men for sex only and not be friends etc. You say your on here out of lonelyness as much as I can empathize, your obv not on fab for the right reasons sex. If your wanting to make friends do yourself a favour and don't get used cus that's what allowing to happen. Each meet is distroying your self esteem.and read womenstalk.com
It saddens me to know your on here to fill the gap. X |
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I personally can't see the point in lying and trying to deceive someone in order to have sex
I prefer to be up front and honest, I've always stated that I'm not looking for a relationship, I even have that on my profile
But I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone so I can get my leg over
I'm honest and open because I would like who ever I meet to want to meet me again and again, it may be NSA sex but doesn't mean you can't build a friendship out of that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I personally can't see the point in lying and trying to deceive someone in order to have sex
I prefer to be up front and honest, I've always stated that I'm not looking for a relationship, I even have that on my profile
But I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone so I can get my leg over
I'm honest and open because I would like who ever I meet to want to meet me again and again, it may be NSA sex but doesn't mean you can't build a friendship out of that"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
One thing iv learnt in life is men say these nice things because they don't know how to act around a female. They think that's what we want to hear. I personally am strong enough mentally to want to meet men for sex only and not be friends etc. You say your on here out of lonelyness as much as I can empathize, your obv not on fab for the right reasons sex. If your wanting to make friends do yourself a favour and don't get used cus that's what allowing to happen. Each meet is distroying your self esteem.and read womenstalk.com
It saddens me to know your on here to fill the gap. X "
Everyone has a right to be treated with a bit of respect whatever reason their here for!! Pleanty of people make friends on here, I have, its just this one incident got me thinking and I decided to share!! She didn't mean she loses self esteem after every meet, just the ones that lie.
I don't think anyone uses this site in the same way, there's no right or wrong... Its just about learning what's right for you!!
I went on the site you suggested..... I'm not sure how it would boost ones self esteem?? Am I missing something??!! |
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"I personally can't see the point in lying and trying to deceive someone in order to have sex
I prefer to be up front and honest, I've always stated that I'm not looking for a relationship, I even have that on my profile
But I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone so I can get my leg over
I'm honest and open because I would like who ever I meet to want to meet me again and again, it may be NSA sex but doesn't mean you can't build a friendship out of that"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
She didn't mean she loses self esteem after every meet, just the ones that lie."
this is indeed the case... it is the ones that have hurt me that cause lack of self esteem but I've also had meets that I have thoroughly enjoyed and for all the right reasons xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have enjoyable meets with a few regular, long term playmates & I've learnt over time to just let the nice stuff they say wash over me, I think guys feel a need to try & make you feel 'special' & get carried away with it sometimes. I work on the principle that none of these guys know me so how could they possibly make such comments, if only they realised the sex would be just the same without it, I don't need such comments & tend to take them with a pinch of salt x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I accept that most of things told on here is not true and that way can be pleasantly surprised when a rogue truthful one comes along
When I asked one man why his profile and messages kept changing he said he would say anything to laid - now him I believe lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Am I being naïve getting a bit upset when people are dishonest?
I would say I'm fairly laid back but I always say the truth (however hurtful) is better than being told what you want to hear, but still people who I thought I was close to choose to tell me fluffy things to hide the truth.
Do you think that you can have long standing 'relationships' on here or are they destined to be short lived?
I thought I had made a friend for life but it turns out that was just a line to keep me in the background to pick up and drop when convenient.
Feeling a little disheartened!! "
Everyone here is dishonest, none of us would admit to being wankers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course OP is right to be upset with deceit. But I have found this site liberating - it has greatly contributed to my current ease with myself. I tried to suppress the part of me that is bi when married as well as my tendancy to become sexually bored rapidly. Here I do not pretend to be anything else other than that what I am. Every lady I meet gives me something different and I think of all my fab fb as friends. I am not physically jealous and have found my honesty an asset. Truth can be harsh. I believe I can be tactful without being dishonest. Truth is also profoundly liberating! I am living proof that the truth does set one free! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"unfortunately its the bad eggs on here
that have spoilt this for me ,the ones that have no shame in hurting your feelings cos i'm only human and being a sensitive person it gets to me ,maybe need to have some lessons in being a hard face
bitch "
I think it helps to be a hard faced bitch, or deluded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"unfortunately its the bad eggs on here
that have spoilt this for me ,the ones that have no shame in hurting your feelings cos i'm only human and being a sensitive person it gets to me ,maybe need to have some lessons in being a hard face
bitch
I think it helps to be a hard faced bitch, or deluded."
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"unfortunately its the bad eggs on here
that have spoilt this for me ,the ones that have no shame in hurting your feelings cos i'm only human and being a sensitive person it gets to me ,maybe need to have some lessons in being a hard face
bitch
I think it helps to be a hard faced bitch, or deluded."
I think you are right. Trouble is I can be neither it seems. |
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By *quirrelMan
over a year ago
East Manchester |
What you have on this site is a cross section of society, it should be of no surprise that there are dishonest and hurtful people on here, but like a miner who is looking for that precious stone you have to sift through a large amount of c**p before you find the diamond you are looking for.
The best way to go is to be optimistic about the future and learn from every bad choice, and never give up. |
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"What you have on this site is a cross section of society, it should be of no surprise that there are dishonest and hurtful people on here, but like a miner who is looking for that precious stone you have to sift through a large amount of c**p before you find the diamond you are looking for.
The best way to go is to be optimistic about the future and learn from every bad choice, and never give up."
well ive given up cos i;m fed up of been lied to and deceived even by someone no longer on here but ive known years says stuff just to get round me when i block him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find in the outside world I generally get used for secret fat girl sex!! Hence why I'm on here so at least its a bit more honsest and I don't expect anything else.
"
I don't. .. because I wouldn't allow it....
On fab I can be the secret fat girl sex if I want to be.... but I can choose the very sexiest or most physically or personalitywise attractive men I might never connect with in real life... and just enjoy the moment...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless we tell our freinds and family what we do on the site are we all not living a lie to a certain degree? Sites like this will inevitably attract the users and the liars but you have equal chance of meeting one of them down your local. At least on here you tend to find out a tad quicker. Normally when you arrange to meet and they go into "hide profile" mode or the bullshit excuses commence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well yes because that's what I've signed up for and that's fine by me.
What I don't like is someone pretending to like me in a dating sense to keep me where they want me. I prefer honesty... If you want me as a fuck buddy that's fine... If you want me as a one off.. Also fine, but tell me so I can make my own discision about it!!
Don't give them the power to be able to tell you, take it yourself. "
Amen to that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't get it at all.....I've stayed in touch almost with everyone I've met on here somehow or other....its just nice to keep folk as friends isn't it? Dunno, maybe I'm just a little simple.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find in the outside world I generally get used for secret fat girl sex!! Hence why I'm on here so at least its a bit more honsest and I don't expect anything else "
This comment really makes me sad for bigger women and those who feel insecure about themselves. I'm a fat girl in most people's estimation but I would rather go without sex for the rest of my life than settle for sex feeling that I was some guy's secret or because I didn't feel worthy of being treated with respect and honesty.
If we allow/expect men to treat us badly why should we assume they will treat us differently?
I'm not saying all men do, I know from personal experience that there are plenty of decent guys on Fab who treat women well irrespective of their build. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find in the outside world I generally get used for secret fat girl sex!! Hence why I'm on here so at least its a bit more honsest and I don't expect anything else
This comment really makes me sad for bigger women and those who feel insecure about themselves. I'm a fat girl in most people's estimation but I would rather go without sex for the rest of my life than settle for sex feeling that I was some guy's secret or because I didn't feel worthy of being treated with respect and honesty.
If we allow/expect men to treat us badly why should we assume they will treat us differently?
I'm not saying all men do, I know from personal experience that there are plenty of decent guys on Fab who treat women well irrespective of their build. "
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