FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Someone Cheated - Need Advice
Someone Cheated - Need Advice
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
Here are the details then I have a couple of questions.
We have a couple we have gone out with several times a year for the past 5 or 6 years. It is only a sexual relationship. We call them or they call us, we go out dinner, drink, dance and go to hotel for fun. We all get along very well sexually and have had a lot of fun. As of October of last year (2013) we were informed the woman of the other couple was having an affair on her husband for a couple months (cheated). They are currently still together and seem to be working things out we have not dated them since this has happen. The man of the couple contacted my guy and was asking how long before they should get back into having fun again (swinging). He said he has some reservations about it but would like to get into it again. The woman of the couple contacted me and asked pretty much the same thing she is ready to get back into the life style with us and her husband is a little hesitant but wants to. We are a little concerned that they may not be truly ready to get back into this yet.
Here is my question? We do not approve of what she has done we do like this couple a lot. we are not sure as to what to do.
-Should they get back into the swinging lifestyle?
-How long after cheating should they wait before getting back into swinging?
-Should we (my guy and I) just stay away from them and make sure they have worked out their situation before seeing them again.
Any additional input would be appreciated
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here are the details then I have a couple of questions.
We have a couple we have gone out with several times a year for the past 5 or 6 years. It is only a sexual relationship. We call them or they call us, we go out dinner, drink, dance and go to hotel for fun. We all get along very well sexually and have had a lot of fun. As of October of last year (2013) we were informed the woman of the other couple was having an affair on her husband for a couple months (cheated). They are currently still together and seem to be working things out we have not dated them since this has happen. The man of the couple contacted my guy and was asking how long before they should get back into having fun again (swinging). He said he has some reservations about it but would like to get into it again. The woman of the couple contacted me and asked pretty much the same thing she is ready to get back into the life style with us and her husband is a little hesitant but wants to. We are a little concerned that they may not be truly ready to get back into this yet.
Here is my question? We do not approve of what she has done we do like this couple a lot. we are not sure as to what to do.
-Should they get back into the swinging lifestyle?
-How long after cheating should they wait before getting back into swinging?
-Should we (my guy and I) just stay away from them and make sure they have worked out their situation before seeing them again.
Any additional input would be appreciated
"
honestly, only they can decide that they are, or are not, ready to get back into the lifestyle.
likewise, only you can determine whether or not you wish to continue to play with them.
my advice.. if you have reservations, talk to them about it. ask then tyre questions you have and then make an informed decision which is right for you as a couple. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
They are both asking you the same questions, so seem to have the same concerns. They should be deciding themselves rather than using you. In any event each couple's relationship is different, as are the dynamics, trust considerations etc, so it is for them to decide.
Our view is that couples should only swing when they are in a strong relationship with no issues, so we would encourage them to sort themselves out before playing with them again (if at all).
For us, playing with another couple is all about mutual fun, so being in a situation of 'they know that you know, that they know' and being aware that one party might not now fully trust the other one while playing, would probably not work for us.
If it was us, we wouldn't play with them while they sorted out their relationship (and might play with them again). They need to talk together and decide what is best for them and you need to talk together and decide what is best for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
Yes it is a difficult thing for us as well as them. We do not want to get into the middle of drama. We have thought about going out on a date just to talk to them. Kind of to see how they are with each other (kind of to watch their body language) they were a very happy and seemed to be a very loving couple. thank you for you input |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here are the details then I have a couple of questions.
We have a couple we have gone out with several times a year for the past 5 or 6 years. It is only a sexual relationship. We call them or they call us, we go out dinner, drink, dance and go to hotel for fun. We all get along very well sexually and have had a lot of fun. As of October of last year (2013) we were informed the woman of the other couple was having an affair on her husband for a couple months (cheated). They are currently still together and seem to be working things out we have not dated them since this has happen. The man of the couple contacted my guy and was asking how long before they should get back into having fun again (swinging). He said he has some reservations about it but would like to get into it again. The woman of the couple contacted me and asked pretty much the same thing she is ready to get back into the life style with us and her husband is a little hesitant but wants to. We are a little concerned that they may not be truly ready to get back into this yet.
Here is my question? We do not approve of what she has done we do like this couple a lot. we are not sure as to what to do.
-Should they get back into the swinging lifestyle?
-How long after cheating should they wait before getting back into swinging?
-Should we (my guy and I) just stay away from them and make sure they have worked out their situation before seeing them again.
Any additional input would be appreciated
"
I think that the questions raised are for their conscience and them to resolve. It seems perhaps they have.
Maybe try it once, if it's uncomfortable for any of you call it a day. Otherwise why ruin a good thing you have over something that doesn't affect you personally?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
"They are both asking you the same questions, so seem to have the same concerns. They should be deciding themselves rather than using you. In any event each couple's relationship is different, as are the dynamics, trust considerations etc, so it is for them to decide.
Our view is that couples should only swing when they are in a strong relationship with no issues, so we would encourage them to sort themselves out before playing with them again (if at all).
For us, playing with another couple is all about mutual fun, so being in a situation of 'they know that you know, that they know' and being aware that one party might not now fully trust the other one while playing, would probably not work for us.
If it was us, we wouldn't play with them while they sorted out their relationship (and might play with them again). They need to talk together and decide what is best for them and you need to talk together and decide what is best for you."
Yes if one has any trust issues this will definitely not work. Also not being sure they have worked any issues that came from the cheating is a concern. We are thinking to approach with caution. we do not want to make things worse for them and cause us issues either. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
if they are both asking you separately, i would be concerned they arent communicating as well as they possibly should be.
it should only need one of them to ask.
personally, if we were in the same relationship situation, then she shit on the trust of the entire group, not jsut her hubby.
maybe a little strong but there ya go.
we wouldnt get involved with them further than a social situation.
sorry if thats not what you want to see |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The decision of if they get back into swinging and when is entirely up to them but if you have reservations about the situation, I'd keep away. If you're not comfortable with what she did, then any meet you have will probably escalate that feeling. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It sounds like they're both ready to get back into swinging from the questions they're asking.
I guess the actual fact of meets isn't the relevant thing though. I've never seen me having meets with couples as a test of their marriage.
They either have a strong enough marriage to weather this, or they don't. I mean, it wasn't swinging but an affair that revealed the initial cracks.
As for your meeting them, that comes down to you.
If your doubts are entirely down to wanting to find yourselves up close and personal with a messy situation, then you can probably put off meets for a while yet until you see how this does play out.
If you have a fundamental problem with her having had an affair, then you have your answer right away.
One final thing you might want to throw into the mix....they may be broaching this with you as they see you as friends they'd feel safe playing with after a sticky patch. In that situation, do you feel well disposed enough to them to want to reach out and let them dip their toes back in the water with a couple they trust to play with, without putting their relationship under further strain? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
1 thing to remember is swinging will never fix a broken relationship, it will help paper over the cracks, to an extent.
it may even make him feel he can keep hold of her by offering her the opportunity to 'cheat with permission' as it were, but lets be honest, it didnt work last time, so will it work in the future?
we would steer well clear of someone elses domestic struggles until we were certain they were 'fixed' as it were |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
Well we have decided to meet them next weekend to see how they are and to talk with them. We have decided that it is not going to be a play date just a dinner out and couple drinks.
We want to make sure they are getting back into the life style for the right reasons and we also want to make sure they are in a good place with each other before moving forward. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would suggest that you all need to meet up somewhere relaxed and be totally open about how each one of you feels.
Air your thoughts and your reservations - get them right out in the open.
If you don't, then there are always going to be undercurrents, and unspoken feelings, which will ruin any friendship.
If any or you can't face doing that - then they're not ready to start things up again, and it's just not being fair to the others....
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'll be honest, I don't think it's your place, as good a friendship you may have with them, to decide whether they are or are not ready.
As someone else said, the decision you two have to make is whether or not you like them enough to put the infidelity aside and carry on your swingship with them.
L |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
This being the first initial meeting since everything has happen. It will give my guy and I a chance to see how things feel for us and hopefully it will give them a chance to know how they feel as well about swinging again. I do agree any concerns need to be aired out and this will be a good chance to do this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
We met them over the weekend. It was not the same. She is ready to get back to where we left off a few months ago she even said it several times as we were sitting at the bar and even mentioned we should get a room. He on the other hand said he wasn't sure openly and sometimes loudly every time she would say anything that had to do with swinging.
We all parted the evening promising to be friends and to keep in touch. We are hoping they will be able to get past this.
Has anyone here been cheated on... Stayed with their cheating partner... and got back into swinging...
If so? did everything go back to normal and if so how long did it take?
If not? What happen for things not to go back to normal?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sounds like it's a disaster waiting to happen. He's clearly not over it and may never be. Sad to hear. I don't know how couples get over things like that. To me, it seems worse for swinging couples- if you're in this together it seems like a much bigger betrayal. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We met them over the weekend. It was not the same. She is ready to get back to where we left off a few months ago she even said it several times as we were sitting at the bar and even mentioned we should get a room. He on the other hand said he wasn't sure openly and sometimes loudly every time she would say anything that had to do with swinging.
We all parted the evening promising to be friends and to keep in touch. We are hoping they will be able to get past this.
Has anyone here been cheated on... Stayed with their cheating partner... and got back into swinging...
If so? did everything go back to normal and if so how long did it take?
If not? What happen for things not to go back to normal?
"
its simple
the trust has gone.
when everyone is involved everything is fine, but when one partner throws up over the whole thing the biggest part of swinging is gone, and thats the trust.
they will be lucky to keep their relationship together let alone get back into swinging.
if we were you, we would just walk away.
stay as friends, if you need to, but cant be playmates |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
it may even make him feel he can keep hold of her by offering her the opportunity to 'cheat with permission' as it were, but lets be honest, it didnt work last time, so will it work in the future?
Is that not what they are doing anyway swinging " cheating with permission" ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"it may even make him feel he can keep hold of her by offering her the opportunity to 'cheat with permission' as it were, but lets be honest, it didnt work last time, so will it work in the future?
Is that not what they are doing anyway swinging " cheating with permission" ?"
  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *1Kandi OP Couple
over a year ago
Jacksonville |
They are not on Fab - We agree with everything that has been said and feel the same. It seems like a disaster in the making. We feel bad for them but we do not want to get in the middle of them trying to work things out (we could actually make things worse I think). Hope they can work it out and maybe someday we can have fun with them again (not for a while on our part).
I do believe cheating is worse when you are swinging - everything is supposed to be open and trust has to be there. Once someone kills the trust what else do you have and where doe it go from there? Just a difficult thing no matter how you look at it.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yeah trust has been destroyed but....... It's not end of world that she cheated. They've realised that their relationship is more important than anything else. They've probably learnt their lesson the hard way so I should support their efforts to stay together without being too interfering. We all make mistakes so live and let live and don't be harsh on them if you truly value their friendship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
