FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Thanks but no thanks.
Thanks but no thanks.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?"
I tend to say thanks very much for taking the time to message but I'm afraid you're not really what I'm looking for on here. I have had some terrible abuse back from some for it but genuine people will accept and respect your honesty but a childish hissy fit just reinforces the fact they're not for me. |
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"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?
I tend to say thanks very much for taking the time to message but I'm afraid you're not really what I'm looking for on here. I have had some terrible abuse back from some for it but genuine people will accept and respect your honesty but a childish hissy fit just reinforces the fact they're not for me."
Brilliant. Thank you. I'm a bit of a softy and would hate to offend anyone......copy aaaaand paste  |
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"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?"
A little white lie might help - rather than give them a flat refusal which might offend, thank them for their interest but explain you have already made arrangements to meet somebody......
Unethical maybe, but it will save on any abuse you could potentially receive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sure most people would appreciate you've taken the time and considered them, even if it's just a "no thanks".
Can be more of a confidence knock for them to see that you've read their message, maybe looked at their profile and then nothing in return ... Can feel worse knowing/thinking they weren't even worth the time of a quick message after all that. |
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I generally write back and say.......
You are not what i seek.
Good luck in your quest.
I think if someone has taken the time to write a nice message the least you can do is reply.
If however its obvious that they have not read my profile preferences then i delete and block.
I guess we all deal with mail differently.
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OK, I think I just need to be cruel to be kind. As you say, they've made the time to write to us, the least they deserve is a reply.
I like "you are not what I seek, good luck in your quest" very Star Wars or LOTR |
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I use a variety of 'thanks for you message, it's a no thanks from me, good luck with your search'
Depending on if they fall any where near what I'm looking for and have sent a decent message.
If they're miles away, and/or haven't read my profile I will sometimes put 'as stated on my profile it's an auto decline from me'
6/10 will accept it and no problems
2/10 comes back with nasty/pleading
1/10 delete and try again in a few weeks
1/10 delete and (fingers crossed) dont contact me again :D
Survey details based on recent 3 months, sample size of approx 800
70% male, 20% couples and 10% females.
I have filters preventing other groups from contacting  (just in case anyone is monitoring) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would always reply. I've not received any abuse for saying I'm not interested....yet!!!
Saying we have other plans is OK initially until weeks down the line, lol.
"
I agree, just be honest. I used to reply to all my mail but some people didn't take polite rejection well but that's not my problem, at least I haven't lead them on or wasted their time. On occasion some would keep messaging as a reply can be hard to get so as you've replied they see that as a green light to keep chatting. If that's the case I just delete without reply as I've made it clear I'm not interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?
A little white lie might help - rather than give them a flat refusal which might offend, thank them for their interest but explain you have already made arrangements to meet somebody......
Unethical maybe, but it will save on any abuse you could potentially receive. "
White lies would lead a man on that ur interested,but busy at moment,they would keep coming back
I always say no thanks best to be upfront,ive never recieved abuse |
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"OK, I think I just need to be cruel to be kind. As you say, they've made the time to write to us, the least they deserve is a reply.
I like "you are not what I seek, good luck in your quest" very Star Wars or LOTR "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I use a variety of 'thanks for you message, it's a no thanks from me, good luck with your search'
Depending on if they fall any where near what I'm looking for and have sent a decent message.
If they're miles away, and/or haven't read my profile I will sometimes put 'as stated on my profile it's an auto decline from me'
6/10 will accept it and no problems
2/10 comes back with nasty/pleading
1/10 delete and try again in a few weeks
1/10 delete and (fingers crossed) dont contact me again :D
Survey details based on recent 3 months, sample size of approx 800
70% male, 20% couples and 10% females.
I have filters preventing other groups from contacting (just in case anyone is monitoring) "
Gotta love a woman with statistics  |
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I don't take responsibility for the insecurities and fragilities of others. If a person isn't for me a "thank you very much for your message but your not what I'm looking for at this time and good luck, wishing you fun times" works for me and never had a nasty reply back. |
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I just say thanks for your interest but no thanks then wish them luck.
I used to say thanks but you're not my type but got fed up with all the "but what is your type" messages, not to mention the "well you're not my type cos I don't fancy fat munters" messages.  |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
Just be polite and friendly in whatever you say, and you can't go wrong really, but be straight. If people want to message you again after that, you're under no obligation to reply.
The worst we have ever had in response was a lady who replied back with '???' afterwards, so people seem to generally take 'polite refusal' well, is our experience. |
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"I just say thanks for your interest but no thanks then wish them luck.
I used to say thanks but you're not my type but got fed up with all the "but what is your type" messages, not to mention the "well you're not my type cos I don't fancy fat munters" messages. "
Quite contradictory then, why approach you in the first place? I've seen your pics and you are definitely not fat. |
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"Just be polite and friendly in whatever you say, and you can't go wrong really, but be straight. If people want to message you again after that, you're under no obligation to reply.
The worst we have ever had in response was a lady who replied back with '???' afterwards, so people seem to generally take 'polite refusal' well, is our experience."
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just say thanks for your interest but no thanks then wish them luck.
I used to say thanks but you're not my type but got fed up with all the "but what is your type" messages, not to mention the "well you're not my type cos I don't fancy fat munters" messages.
Quite contradictory then, why approach you in the first place? I've seen your pics and you are definitely not fat. "
I've had similar experiences, they're just being immature and bitter, its sad really. Maybe not the best place to be if you can't take polite rejection?! |
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"I just say thanks for your interest but no thanks then wish them luck.
I used to say thanks but you're not my type but got fed up with all the "but what is your type" messages, not to mention the "well you're not my type cos I don't fancy fat munters" messages.
Quite contradictory then, why approach you in the first place? I've seen your pics and you are definitely not fat.
I've had similar experiences, they're just being immature and bitter, its sad really. Maybe not the best place to be if you can't take polite rejection?!"
It's sour grapes from the guys who've seen that I've been here for a while and have plenty of veris - obviously this means I say yes to everyone! 
But a nasty message like that just means I get to report and block, which then winnows out some of the numpties from the site. My self esteem is (ahem) robust so the bitter whiney messages don't get to me.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We just say you're not really our type but happy hunting. A lot of the time we then get replies asking us to explain why or questioning how we could know having only seen pics..
Hence why most of the time we don't bother replying and just delete. No reply is basically a no! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always say thanks but your not what we are looking for.
Mind we've had messages saying that we are too old, too fat, too ugly etc etc. Its water off a ducks back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just say thanks for your interest but no thanks then wish them luck.
I used to say thanks but you're not my type but got fed up with all the "but what is your type" messages, not to mention the "well you're not my type cos I don't fancy fat munters" messages.
Quite contradictory then, why approach you in the first place? I've seen your pics and you are definitely not fat.
I've had similar experiences, they're just being immature and bitter, its sad really. Maybe not the best place to be if you can't take polite rejection?!"
I have a PHD in rejection but if the genuine then they will understand and move on x |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?"
I say 'no thank you '. There is a reference to it on my profile regarding reasons, etc. I haven't the time to go into details in every response. For every 1 person I might be interested in I have another 20 or 30 who don't float my boat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We just say thanks but you're not for us and wish them the best...no reason or further explanation needed or entered into...never had any real issues with that and often get a thanks for a reply but we don't enter into further correspondence... |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?
A little white lie might help - rather than give them a flat refusal which might offend, thank them for their interest but explain you have already made arrangements to meet somebody......
Unethical maybe, but it will save on any abuse you could potentially receive. "
Tried that but they only message back later to see if you are available again. A polite no thank you suffices. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on what they've written to me & how much time I have to reply but it's usually along the lines of ~ thanks but no thanks ~ it's a no thanks from me but good luck on here..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps admin should consider an auto reply that you could select and send. If the recipient doesn't take rejection very well or starts becoming offensive you could just block them? |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Perhaps admin should consider an auto reply that you could select and send. If the recipient doesn't take rejection very well or starts becoming offensive you could just block them?"
Other sites do this. I found a lot of people ignored them and continued messaging till you blocked them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do we turn someone away without sounding rude or making them feel shitty about themselves?"
We will often say "No thanks not what we are looking for but best of luck on here" there is no confusion its polite and should be enough. |
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Say the following.
"Hi thanks for your message. I specifically noticed that you like to meet people that you can be intimate with.
This is lucky for both of us as I'm finding it really difficult to reach certain parts of my body.
Do you think you could help?
Ill message you real soon when I get more cream from the doctor."
Works like a charm.
Xxx |
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