FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How to say no kindly
How to say no kindly
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way? "
Sorry not my type but good luck on the site, then the fun starts when they ask why whats wrong with me lol....I tend not to hold back hehehe  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just be yourself and be honest with them its not easy to granted that but 95% of guys in my humble opinion would much prefer to know that they are not your type than have the false hope there might be something to it.
Personally I would prefer this 100% of the time as attractiveness is all relative to the person making their choice.
The other problem you will have being a nice good looking lady is 1001 mails from men so I would dedicate a part in your profile explaining you can not answer every mail received as you have a life outside of fab's. That way you don't have to say no thanks all the time and you can pick out the ones you have an attraction too xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just tell them you're not making arrangements for any more meets at the moment then wish them luck. Or tell them you're only meeting those on your friends list and not adding any more. Worked for me - so far! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just tell them straight. Because if you say distance they will just say distance is ok for me i drive etc. "
Ah ok but sometimes the distance is the genuine reason for me but I take your point! X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just be yourself and be honest with them its not easy to granted that but 95% of guys in my humble opinion would much prefer to know that they are not your type than have the false hope there might be something to it.
Personally I would prefer this 100% of the time as attractiveness is all relative to the person making their choice.
The other problem you will have being a nice good looking lady is 1001 mails from men so I would dedicate a part in your profile explaining you can not answer every mail received as you have a life outside of fab's. That way you don't have to say no thanks all the time and you can pick out the ones you have an attraction too xx"
But we stil get criticism if we delete without reply. When I do try to let someone down gently...some get all defensive so there is no winning with some people x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"no thanks, have fun
if they ask why not, just delete and block, you have already said no thanks, you don't need a reason."
thats what we do.
say no thank you and wish them well for their future searches.
never had a negative comeback from it yet |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I dont want to destroy someones confidence because I dont personally find them attractive but its difficult to say that without fearing I have knocked them down. I wouldn't say that in a bar to someone but then they would probably tell from my body language that I am not interested. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
... "Hi thank you for your message. I'm flattered by the attention but it isn't mutual attraction. Sorry but i do not wish to lead you on so will wish you the best of luck in finding someone else on here"...
Politely turning someone down |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Looks like I need to be more brave! If someone has sent me one of those idiot messages or just hi..with no effort then I don't even grace it with a reply. But its the nice messages which I struggle with...especially if we have started chatting and then I get a face pic several messages in and find I just dont fancy them. That's difficult for me! I am a big softy! Lol x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The same male has probably sent the same message to scores of ladies before you,so why do you feel the need to be considerate ? The majority of males on here don't want kindness they will simply try their luck elsewhere. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One lady once put 'Sorry but your cock is too big' thought that was a great 'no thanks'.  "
Lol! Well I guess every man would love a rejection like that! !!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The same male has probably sent the same message to scores of ladies before you,so why do you feel the need to be considerate ? The majority of males on here don't want kindness they will simply try their luck elsewhere."
You are right. I am just a bit naive I guess x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The same male has probably sent the same message to scores of ladies before you,so why do you feel the need to be considerate ? The majority of males on here don't want kindness they will simply try their luck elsewhere.
You are right. I am just a bit naive I guess x"
All those have worked OK on me lol, I always reply with thanks for the reply and happy swinging to you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just be yourself and be honest with them its not easy to granted that but 95% of guys in my humble opinion would much prefer to know that they are not your type than have the false hope there might be something to it.
Personally I would prefer this 100% of the time as attractiveness is all relative to the person making their choice.
The other problem you will have being a nice good looking lady is 1001 mails from men so I would dedicate a part in your profile explaining you can not answer every mail received as you have a life outside of fab's. That way you don't have to say no thanks all the time and you can pick out the ones you have an attraction too xx"
Good advice! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"One lady once put 'Sorry but your cock is too big' thought that was a great 'no thanks'.
Lol! Well I guess every man would love a rejection like that! !!! "
I certainly softened the blow  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Looks like I need to be more brave! If someone has sent me one of those idiot messages or just hi..with no effort then I don't even grace it with a reply. But its the nice messages which I struggle with...especially if we have started chatting and then I get a face pic several messages in and find I just dont fancy them. That's difficult for me! I am a big softy! Lol x"
You could put on your profile 'no reply without face pic' That acts as a filter because the ones who don't read profiles won't automatically add a face pic, so just delete those. Or ask for face pic in your first reply. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way? "
If I receive a message, read their profile and have no interest I delete and block straight away, saves everyone any hassle. Harsh maybe, but straightforward!!   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Huge amount of sound advice given above, so my contribution is to let you know how rare it is to get anything by way of a thanks but no thanks. I know, INCREDIBLE as it may seem, there are ladies out there who have decided I am not for them. Anything beyond a delete is appreciated. The only appropriate response to a decline message is one of thanks for taking the effort. Any man who is crass enough to think that this represents a 'foot in the door' deserves a block! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The same male has probably sent the same message to scores of ladies before you,so why do you feel the need to be considerate ? The majority of males on here don't want kindness they will simply try their luck elsewhere.
You are right. I am just a bit naive I guess x"
Not naive really your just being yourself which is being nice and considerate. Its never easy but like the man said most move on quickly enough so try not to take it to much to heart x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
as others have said , sorry your not my type or something of that line , were supposed to be open minded so if others get upset with rejection that's their problem,
everyone is not for everyone we all have to understand that |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Would much prefer a simple copy and paste 'No thank you' than a 'deleted' message without a response. I always send nice messages with some thought. Much nicer to have some sort of response.
The thought in the back of my mind with a 'deleted' message is 'Did they actually look at my message/profile? or did they just hit the 'delete all' button? Without actually ever noticing me?' |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way? "
If someone can't take a "thanks but no thanks" response - then they won't last long here.
My 'worst' rejection was: sorry - you are too young... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well thankyou everyone for the good advice . Feel less guilty now xx"
Banish your guilt! Become Guiltfree....I did and am lovin' it. (Swingimg that is, not a well known burger franchise in a high street near you). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks for your interest but no thanks. Take care.
That's my usual no thanks message. Though I alter it a bit depending on the message I received - a message that just.says "Hi" I reply to with just Bye Unless they're really, really fit...  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for your interest but no thanks. Take care.
That's my usual no thanks message. Though I alter it a bit depending on the message I received - a message that just.says "Hi" I reply to with just Bye Unless they're really, really fit... "
Lol!! Funny! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I always tell the truth, in a nice way, if that fails I say I am washing my hair.  "
Lol!!!!!!! And obviously you have a lot of hair to wash..hence no POSSIBLE time! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No thank you works for me. I don't give reasons. What would be the point?
Sometimes a bit of feedback is useful. Having said that - I guess it leaves you open to "but why"-type questions..."
I dont think one can ever win by giving feedback and in any case...I dont have the time to be a part time counsellor too! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No thank you works for me. I don't give reasons. What would be the point?
Sometimes a bit of feedback is useful. Having said that - I guess it leaves you open to "but why"-type questions...
I dont think one can ever win by giving feedback and in any case...I dont have the time to be a part time counsellor too! "
have just found this out.
turning someone down in a positive way never works.
just say NO! kids! lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way? "
"Sorry, I'd rather stuff broken glass up my fanny than let your cock come anywhere near it". Try that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way?
"Sorry, I'd rather stuff broken glass up my fanny than let your cock come anywhere near it". Try that. "
Lol!!! Harsh! But funny! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No thank you works for me. I don't give reasons. What would be the point?
Sometimes a bit of feedback is useful. Having said that - I guess it leaves you open to "but why"-type questions...
I dont think one can ever win by giving feedback and in any case...I dont have the time to be a part time counsellor too!
have just found this out.
turning someone down in a positive way never works.
just say NO! kids! lol"
Lol xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Littlekitten, you have stunning breasts, but I'm afraid it wouldn't work between us as my transformation into a dribbling nervous wreck would likely offend. Have a fantastic life with who ever is lucky enough to make your light shine! X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Littlekitten, you have stunning breasts, but I'm afraid it wouldn't work between us as my transformation into a dribbling nervous wreck would likely offend. Have a fantastic life with who ever is lucky enough to make your light shine! X"
Lol! Well..er...thanks! I think! Lol x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"no thanks, have fun
if they ask why not, just delete and block, you have already said no thanks, you don't need a reason.
thats what we do.
say no thank you and wish them well for their future searches.
never had a negative comeback from it yet"
thats sounds great.
Its amazing how many people, from what i have heard said on here, cannot be bothered or wont say "thank you but not our type. good luck."
I guess that the way of the world these days. i always try to be pleasent. after all if somone has made the effort to contact me, i should make the effort to reply. Even if its "sorry you are not my type but good hunting" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"No thank you works for me. I don't give reasons. What would be the point?
Sometimes a bit of feedback is useful. Having said that - I guess it leaves you open to "but why"-type questions..."
Exactly. I used to give reasons and that nearly always opened the floodgates. I make it clear on my profile now how I will respond if not interested. If they don't read that it's their problem, not mine. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sorry, however, I am not interested in whatever you may have to offer.
Therefore, to prevent further contacts and wasting each other's time and efforts, I shall block you.
Take care."
Then delete and block.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'd love to fuck you but I find you repulsive and I really can't get round that, sorry.
On a positive note, I'm a GP and you should really get that cock looked at....
That was a free consultation but I'll have to charge for the next
TTF...E
X
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Looks like I need to be more brave! If someone has sent me one of those idiot messages or just hi..with no effort then I don't even grace it with a reply. But its the nice messages which I struggle with...especially if we have started chatting and then I get a face pic several messages in and find I just dont fancy them. That's difficult for me! I am a big softy! Lol x"
In my profile I ask for a face pic with first message works with nearly all messages. if not and it's a nice message then I reply asking for one usually they have forgotten it and send one, otherwise I decline politely haven't had any trouble from it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
I write
"Thank you for your message. But I must politely decline.
Have fun and happy fabbing "
No need to say why. If they ask I just delete the second message.
Never had a rude response from this x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Usually we say, thanks for getting in touch however we are not comaptible or thanks we ars sorted for 'single' guys at present..
either way we wish folks good luck..
anyone who has issues about rejection whereby the react with 'why not, whats wrong with me' or gets abusive in any way serioualy needs to address whether this aspect is for them.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The same male has probably sent the same message to scores of ladies before you,so why do you feel the need to be considerate ? The majority of males on here don't want kindness they will simply try their luck elsewhere.
You are right. I am just a bit naive I guess x"
same here, we've been avoiding it a little if I'm honest.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just be honest but nice ie "sorry your not what what I'm looking for". It always just nice to get a reply I would rather have that then no response at all. And if you get a msg back that's anything other than "no problem, happy swinging" then block them. Simple |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Distance is the easiest reason - but one chap I declined with that reason, and when he said he was moving to my area and I still declined - with a 'Thanks, but still no thanks' I got called a lying slut for citing distance in the first place!! I told him straight I was just trying to be kinder than saying 'I don't fancy you' - but if he preferred - I just don't fancy you!!!!.........and block.
I use almost all the above mentioned, and also sometimes say 'Sorry, your profile is not quite what I am looking for, but good luck' as a slightly less personal way of declining. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it's fine just to say "sorry you are not what I'm looking for" or "sorry you're not my type" end of. If they come back with why? Just block and delete. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I am trying to follow your advice now. I don't always get it right and some get upset with me. I am actually very sensitive (contrary to some think on here!). I am a nice person and don’t like to cause upset. I think sometimes people think that because I am submissive that I am a doormat and they cam be rude to me. I have been accused today of being a princess! Lol! Well I am very assertive when needed! Lol x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"I am trying to follow your advice now. I don't always get it right and some get upset with me. I am actually very sensitive (contrary to some think on here!). I am a nice person and don’t like to cause upset. I think sometimes people think that because I am submissive that I am a doormat and they cam be rude to me. I have been accused today of being a princess! Lol! Well I am very assertive when needed! Lol x"
Tell them you're not a princess, you're a queen and they should refer to you as 'Your Majesty'. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find it really hard to say I dont fancy someone as I hate to hurt anyones feelings. Its easier if the reason for rejection is due to distance or looking for a particular experience they dont enjoy or vice versa etc..
But telling someone...'Sorry, I dont fancy you'??? I find it so hard. How do others manage it in a kind way? "
I cammed with a young guy recently - he looked a LOT different to his pic. I was highly embarrassed - I took the chicken way out and told him he looked like my son ( which he did a bit ) so I couldnt go there x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"no thanks, have fun
if they ask why not, just delete and block, you have already said no thanks, you don't need a reason."
Exactly this .
I used to have a couples profile with a different woman on here,and we used to answer EVERY message (I don't now) and it was infuriating when you would say no thanks, and then get dragged into a series of messages with the bloke trying to argue with you and often being insulting.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Would like to be blocked after polite refusal so does not come up in browses. I am very happy to be thanked for interest but not what we're looking for. Also, an encoragement to say that I will be on someone's wish list. Finally, worst of all is unread emails - please reply if it is no. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would like to be blocked after polite refusal so does not come up in browses. I am very happy to be thanked for interest but not what we're looking for. Also, an encoragement to say that I will be on someone's wish list. Finally, worst of all is unread emails - please reply if it is no. "
The thing is you might not always want to block. I will give you of an example of an exchange we had on a previous profile, obviously its not verbatim, but this is pretty much how it went.
'You two free tomorrow?'
'No, sorry, we can't make tomorrow'
'When then?'
'We're just saying not tomorrow'
'So when?'
'Don't know- but not tomorrow!'
'More fucking timewasters, you shouldn't be so fussy, she aint all that'
And its exchanges like that that convinced me not to answer all messages any more.
We wouldn't initially have wanted to block the bloke, we just couldn't make the date, although obviously we had a lucky escape as he turned out to be a dick! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Would like to be blocked after polite refusal so does not come up in browses. I am very happy to be thanked for interest but not what we're looking for. Also, an encoragement to say that I will be on someone's wish list. Finally, worst of all is unread emails - please reply if it is no. "
The thing is you might not always want to block. I will give you of an example of an exchange we had on a previous profile, obviously its not verbatim, but this is pretty much how it went.
'You two free tomorrow?'
'No, sorry, we can't make tomorrow'
'When then?'
'We're just saying not tomorrow'
'So when?'
'Don't know- but not tomorrow!'
'More fucking timewasters, you shouldn't be so fussy, she aint all that'
And its exchanges like that that convinced me not to answer all messages any more.
We wouldn't initially have wanted to block the bloke, we just couldn't make the date, although obviously we had a lucky escape as he turned out to be a dick! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You are a pearl if you reject someone gently. In my experience, some do so rudely to the point of being obnoxious. Worse still are the time wasters and the ditherers. While I am not into the 'what bamb...' approach, there should be no denying what this is about, ultimately! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
you just say no thanks...simple!
that way theres no reason to be given and straight to the point.
had a guy ask us to go on cam the other day we said no thanks and he called us fake! wtf???! he was 63!!!! i mean come on!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just a no thank you or not for me reply is enough to let me know.
Some on here block immediately, that I simply find rude. However, I understand other males are slow to take a hint and spoil it for the rest.
This is a swinging site, not a cheap brothel. Its about making friends, chatting, sharing and adding a little extra fun above and beyond the usual friendship... For me, anyhow.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just be yourself and be honest with them its not easy to granted that but 95% of guys in my humble opinion would much prefer to know that they are not your type than have the false hope there might be something to it.
Personally I would prefer this 100% of the time as attractiveness is all relative to the person making their choice.
The other problem you will have being a nice good looking lady is 1001 mails from men so I would dedicate a part in your profile explaining you can not answer every mail received as you have a life outside of fab's. That way you don't have to say no thanks all the time and you can pick out the ones you have an attraction too xx"
best answer. Be straight but avoid to be offensive. If u delete I often think u had too many messages to get through but there is a chance if I contact another week or or 2. I have had many who deleted my message but then when I contacted them after few weeks or even few months there was a great deal of connection and chat and sometimes even meets. Wd ruther know that there is no hope than holding on false hopes |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a single mature man I've had plenty of non-replies and no thank yous, but almost all have been polite and pleasant. There are some really nice sexy people on here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I always say "sorry you're not my type but happy swinging!" but i would be just aswell writing anything coz 95% of guys will immediately write back with "What is your type? or "why not?" or "I didnt want to fuck you anyway" or "If you're a lesbian put it on your profile". It gives me a giggle but just goes to show how fragile the male ego is. I block them when they reply like that. Rarely do i get a guy who says "No problem, you too". It doesn;t matter what you write, they will respond with aggresion in most cases so i now just block them without a reply. Saves time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
