FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > protocols and being nice.
protocols and being nice.
Jump to: Newest in thread
we are new here and getting a few messages and chatting to people etc... but we dont know if there is a right or wrong way to do things if we arent interested..
we have had times where we have had a bit of a chat, then exchanged face pics and not fancied them. Do you tell them? or do you just stop sending messages?
We have done both so far and neither felt nice, as we really dont want to offend anyone. we have had both done to us. after a face pic swap the messages stopped, so it was clearly a simple matter of attraction. other times we have not been right for the other couple and they have just said so. we are pretty secure and happy in ourselves, so neither made us feel bad, but im sure some would be offended.
Also we have had people message to say hi or they like our profile etc and we can see from their profile that they arent what we are looking for. Do we ignore that message, or be polite and say thanks, but hope that doesnt encourage them to write back again?
any/all advice welcomed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
always a tricky one,to decline people.but best to be honest from the start if they dont match up to your needs or face doesnt appeal.most people will take it ok.i just say thanks but no thanks,explain why and wish them luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
you've got to realise there are timewaters who havent read your profile.. those that just spam with one word messages.
But those that at least try a 'sorry, not what we're looking for' to always good to get back. Up to you though, newbies always get tonnes of messages |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"you've got to realise there are timewaters who havent read your profile.. those that just spam with one word messages.
But those that at least try a 'sorry, not what we're looking for' to always good to get back. Up to you though, newbies always get tonnes of messages"
we have had very few messages which have been one liners. only one or two single women have been time wasters. Its mostly genuine, verified couples who we just arent keen to meet that are giving us our dilemma. so far everyone says we should message them with a no thanks. so we will start doing that. 
as for people not reading our profile and sending a friend request without even a 'Hello' that happens a lot more often lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Just say thanks but no thanks .we do .havinga good meet with people you click with is better than having an awful meet .we mainly meet at club now so we get to have a bit of banter .with who we decide to play with be it male .female .or .couple .we ddon't always go by looks some people have great personalities and some great looking people can be so up inside themselves .so a thanks but no thanks is enough unless you intend to meet everyone that messages you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Just say thanks but no thanks .we do .havinga good meet with people you click with is better than having an awful meet .we mainly meet at club now so we get to have a bit of banter .with who we decide to play with be it male .female .or .couple .we ddon't always go by looks some people have great personalities and some great looking people can be so up inside themselves .so a thanks but no thanks is enough unless you intend to meet everyone that messages you"
we are looking for great personality and a hot body and a pretty face. not too much to ask for is it?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If we looked as good as you two we would invite you for fun .....no it's not a lot to ask for in the perfect world. .but I think you will eventually find what your looking for but might just take a little longer .you may be better off trying clubs tho .as not everyone on here puts on up to date pictures lol but happy swinging either way and hope Santa brings what you eant |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I spend time writing messages and I generally expect a reply. I'm happy with a simple "not interested" reply and I hate being ignored. Surely, if I take the time to write a good message, I deserve a 5 sec reply atleast?
If I don't get replies, then unfortunately, I get disinclined to write good messages which is a shame.
However, my lady friends on here say that if you say "not interested", they get abusive messages back. I guess some men are able to take rejection whereas others cannot. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some people will take rejection badly no matter how nicely you tell them you're not interested,id like to think im always polite because thats how id like to be treated and get good responses from that
Mature and sensible people will understand that not everyone will be attracted to everyone else on here and accept that with good grace  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I spend time writing messages and I generally expect a reply. I'm happy with a simple "not interested" reply and I hate being ignored. Surely, if I take the time to write a good message, I deserve a 5 sec reply atleast?
If I don't get replies, then unfortunately, I get disinclined to write good messages which is a shame.
However, my lady friends on here say that if you say "not interested", they get abusive messages back. I guess some men are able to take rejection whereas others cannot."
Nobody deserves a reply and expecting one is just setting yourself up for disappointment. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We try to reply to every message and most people accept it if we decline. Some persist (male, female and couples!) and we may have to block them when they don't take the hint.
We don't always reply to one word messages e.g. "hiya" or "hey" or very crude ones. Have to admit to sometimes playing along and taking the "p". |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If we looked as good as you two we would invite you for fun .....no it's not a lot to ask for in the perfect world. .but I think you will eventually find what your looking for but might just take a little longer .you may be better off trying clubs tho .as not everyone on here puts on up to date pictures lol but happy swinging either way and hope Santa brings what you eant "
Lol thanks.
We are funding lovely couples to talk to so far. Really enjoying the site |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I spend time writing messages and I generally expect a reply. I'm happy with a simple "not interested" reply and I hate being ignored. Surely, if I take the time to write a good message, I deserve a 5 sec reply atleast?
If I don't get replies, then unfortunately, I get disinclined to write good messages which is a shame.
However, my lady friends on here say that if you say "not interested", they get abusive messages back. I guess some men are able to take rejection whereas others cannot.
Nobody deserves a reply and expecting one is just setting yourself up for disappointment. "
You're the first to have that point of view so far. I'm sure many will agree though |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A female messaged me last night, which was great until I asked to see a picture of her. She retorted saying once I got to know her 
So I was left with no option but to say Thanks but no thanks... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"A female messaged me last night, which was great until I asked to see a picture of her. She retorted saying once I got to know her
So I was left with no option but to say Thanks but no thanks... "
I think that a lot of people are very cautious about putting their photos out there in case people arent discrete with them.. once you send them, you cant take them back again! We were a bit paranoid when we started and quickly had to realise that we needed to relax, give genuine people our photos, and trust them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *corcherMan
over a year ago
Loughborough |
One liners get ignored. It's always good to geta "sorry, not our type" message back. I can't see how that would offend. If they persist after that, it proves your point doesn't it.
Getting ignored after you swap photos is a thing that happens here though. Be nice if it didn't, but I don't bear any I'll feeling towards that do it to me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A female messaged me last night, which was great until I asked to see a picture of her. She retorted saying once I got to know her
So I was left with no option but to say Thanks but no thanks...
I think that a lot of people are very cautious about putting their photos out there in case people arent discrete with them.. once you send them, you cant take them back again! We were a bit paranoid when we started and quickly had to realise that we needed to relax, give genuine people our photos, and trust them. "
I fully take that on board, but have learnt that you can chat for ages and then weeks later when a photo does arrive and you are not attracted, you are left with a very tricky situation. I'd rather bite the bullet early on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If we looked as good as you two we would invite you for fun .....no it's not a lot to ask for in the perfect world. .but I think you will eventually find what your looking for but might just take a little longer .you may be better off trying clubs tho .as not everyone on here puts on up to date pictures lol but happy swinging either way and hope Santa brings what you eant "
Lol thanks that's nice of you to say.
We started in a club. Loved it. Going back next week |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"sorry not my type X" is my normal one, normally either gets no response or "ok, have fun X"
Unless you say it to a couple/woman then it's freaking hilarious. Apparently in their minds having a vagina means they are automatically everymans type lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Don't get into a long dialogue with people before getting the face pic swop out the way . my advice is get it out the way early , and be honest , don't just not message . " your not my type , as I prefer guys with dark hair ". For example is polite but specific . Even if you don't like there face pic , be prepared to send one to them anyway . They have had the guts to send there's , only right tou still do the same . You will find people respect this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a single male I would much prefer that anyone I contacted just said sorry not for me/us. I'm an adult and can take rejection without issue. However there will always be people who are too busy or just cannot be bothered so you just move on and accept it. There are more than enough polite people on here to offset that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
always ask for a face pic straight away you could put in your profile that you only reply if they send one in first message then its not so bad if you don't like them you just say they are not your type and good luck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
yes, requesting a face pic off a bloke and not sending one in return is really fair. What about if the bloke doesn't like yours if he eventually gets to see it? but that never happens on here does it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
"yes, requesting a face pic off a bloke and not sending one in return is really fair. What about if the bloke doesn't like yours if he eventually gets to see it? but that never happens on here does it."
I always send one if requested then we chat |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We get this when we've been looking at profiles - inevitably you'll get messages like
"we see you looked at our profile, did you like what you saw?"
the obvious answer being "no that's why we didn't contact you!"
but you can be a bit more tactful in how you word it, as long as it gets the message across.
Sometimes you will get people who are persistant, that is what the block feature is for. Sometimes people just don't read the profile and aren't looking for the same thing.
You will also get "speculative winks" from some people as a way to ge you to look at their profile. And the ones who just send a friend request without contacing you, even if your profile says not to.
Don't be afraid to be sharp and tell them if they need it, some people do - and block them, go ahead with responding to the ones you like.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I spend time writing messages and I generally expect a reply. I'm happy with a simple "not interested" reply and I hate being ignored. Surely, if I take the time to write a good message, I deserve a 5 sec reply atleast?
If I don't get replies, then unfortunately, I get disinclined to write good messages which is a shame.
However, my lady friends on here say that if you say "not interested", they get abusive messages back. I guess some men are able to take rejection whereas others cannot."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I spend time writing messages and I generally expect a reply. I'm happy with a simple "not interested" reply and I hate being ignored. Surely, if I take the time to write a good message, I deserve a 5 sec reply atleast?
If I don't get replies, then unfortunately, I get disinclined to write good messages which is a shame.
However, my lady friends on here say that if you say "not interested", they get abusive messages back. I guess some men are able to take rejection whereas others cannot.
You're the first to have that point of view so far. I'm sure many will agree though "
Just a polite "Thank you for your interest, but we are not a match." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
""sorry not my type X" is my normal one, normally either gets no response or "ok, have fun X"
Unless you say it to a couple/woman then it's freaking hilarious. Apparently in their minds having a vagina means they are automatically everymans type lol"
Not always the case. I have been known to take rejection very well. Good job really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Just been accused of "ignorance and arrogance" when eventually said we would block someone. This was after several polite explanations (today and previously) about how we meet and play. Polite patience can backfire too!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
