FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Being polite
Being polite
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been on this site for a while now and I've seen many posts about rude messages not being appreciated.
But I've found that my polite messages rarely get responses it could be me but I wanted to see if anyone else has had this as well |
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Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?
But, anyway, if you don't get a response, it is a response, it's a no.
Often it's hard for people to keep up with the volume of mail that be received, polite or otherwise.
Im sure there are other couples like us that sometimes end up with so much crap in the inbox, they "delete all" and possibly a good one goes with it. It's very easy to get dragged down by it all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I reply to all of my messages politely but some times get a rude reply when I say thanx but not not the type I look for in a swing date ...so u can't win  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a rule if I send a mail and it is deleted without being read, I block whoever I've sent it to, as if they can't be bothered to read what I've taken my time to write, why bother with them?
Next, please. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?"
thats me not a woman ive recently cut my hair but if you compare the photos you can see my tattoos match |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?
thats me not a woman ive recently cut my hair but if you compare the photos you can see my tattoos match"
Oh man I was gonna ask you for her number lol |
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No reply is the sites recommendation for those you do not wish to meet.
Concentrate on those that reply favorably, instead of those that either don't reply or decline
Yes I've had abuse for sending a polite thanks but no thanks also  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Know what you mean. Had blocks for being polite with no response. I am always polite, well mannered and friendly. Some women like it others dont appreciate it. Up to them. |
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If the person/persons message suggests meeting when they are way out of our age range preferences and who obviously haven't fully read, or worse just ignored the content of our profile then we don't feel a reply is warrented. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the person/persons message suggests meeting when they are way out of our age range preferences and who obviously haven't fully read, or worse just ignored the content of our profile then we don't feel a reply is warrented."
I do this too, its basic sense surely to read a profile first so you dont waste your time??? I do block but only to stop them mailing again with the same copy and paste message  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the person/persons message suggests meeting when they are way out of our age range preferences and who obviously haven't fully read, or worse just ignored the content of our profile then we don't feel a reply is warrented."
 |
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"i think you are better off always being polite no matter.
just act the same here as you would on the street. "
On the street people don't randomly ask me when I'll duck them, making out we've chatted previously.
On the street people hundreds of miles away don't expect me to give them my postcode so they can instantly drive to mine (profile states i don't accommodate) to 'fuck me senseless'
How do you compare the two?  |
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Never had a nasty message as I have in my profile if they don't meet what I'm looking for I don't reply. As I read the profile before the message I simply delete unread.
All who match what I'm looking for get a message whether I plan to meet them or not.
Some men assume because you meet what they're looking for the feeling is reciprocal. |
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"If the person/persons message suggests meeting when they are way out of our age range preferences and who obviously haven't fully read, or worse just ignored the content of our profile then we don't feel a reply is warrented.
"
You could have at least included our typo correction in the quote |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think its just polite to reply to anyone who had taken the time to read my profile and write me a message, some members just dont reply, maybe this as someone said above because they "get so many messages",
i personally think its rude. manners are free and it only takes a couple of seconds to say a polite no thanks.
each to there own though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I am in the same boat as you mate.be nice and no one replies which is very rude on there part.
But I bet if you was to be rude to them they sure would have something to say and reply double double double times that by a billion quick to you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been on this site for a while now and I've seen many posts about rude messages not being appreciated.
But I've found that my polite messages rarely get responses it could be me but I wanted to see if anyone else has had this as well "
Due to lots of NASTY characters in the past, many find it easier not to reply to avoid getting nasty messages like many have got in the past.
Dont take it personally, they just have no interest ...move on.
If they ARE interested they will contact you.
Hey, WE get ignored all the time with the messages we send too! So it's not just a single guy thing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i think its just polite to reply to anyone who had taken the time to read my profile and write me a message, some members just dont reply, maybe this as someone said above because they "get so many messages",
i personally think its rude. manners are free and it only takes a couple of seconds to say a polite no thanks.
each to there own though! "
Agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I am in the same boat as you mate.be nice and no one replies which is very rude on there part.
But I bet if you was to be rude to them they sure would have something to say and reply double double double times that by a billion quick to you "
Agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very ture but if you are on here and you know yr going to get lots of mail then you make the time to reply or get off the site until yr life lets you have the time.
This whole thing with people not replying goes on and on.
Really if you get a message that is not rude then reply.
Manners go a long way and if they can't reply to a email well that's.
I will let you work out what goes after the well that's |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they are rude why are you wanting to meet them and moan about it?
Stop moaning about them being rude.. its your own filter of not meeting them.
move on.. sheesh..
Meant to be grown men ffs! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i think you are better off always being polite no matter.
just act the same here as you would on the street.
On the street people don't randomly ask me when I'll duck them, making out we've chatted previously.
On the street people hundreds of miles away don't expect me to give them my postcode so they can instantly drive to mine (profile states i don't accommodate) to 'fuck me senseless'
How do you compare the two?
Ps should some random walk up to me on the street and ask me for sex. Id ignore them & get away sharpish
"
hows about a polite no thanks a then block. move on. problem sorted.
my point ties in with the fact that some people turn into crazy people when online thinking they can say what they want, which you have obviously experienced.
my point is that if people went by the rule of acting online like they would do in the real world we would have a lot less problem regarding nasty cyber comments.
if someone came up to you on the street demanding sex you of course would get as far away from them as possible. you should do the same on here, ie a polite no and block maybe.
if people (single men in particular) behaved normal and with respect on fabs then in my opinion they would get on a lot better and we would see a lot less whinging post about how hard it is for single men.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?
thats me not a woman ive recently cut my hair but if you compare the photos you can see my tattoos match"
l
Long hair suits you, it's something to grab hold of too lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I send polite messages....I don't always get replies....its not the end of the world....
Move on and make the most of the ones who do reply "
Yay a man not moaning about the lack of manners, and takes a non-response as a polite no (which the site endorses in its own way). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?
But, anyway, if you don't get a response, it is a response, it's a no.
Often it's hard for people to keep up with the volume of mail that be received, polite or otherwise.
Im sure there are other couples like us that sometimes end up with so much crap in the inbox, they "delete all" and possibly a good one goes with it. It's very easy to get dragged down by it all."
The fire breathing woman must be an old flame |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yesterday I received a message (conventional dating site) from a guy telling me he ticked almost all my boxes.
So I looked at his profile and then responded, asking why I would stoop to second hand goods. He wasn't happy (diddums). So I then asked why he ignored the most important requirement: NOT in a relationship! Then blocked him  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?
thats me not a woman ive recently cut my hair but if you compare the photos you can see my tattoos match"
Do you use paraffin? I do when I do fire staff  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"yesterday
I received a message (conventional dating site) from a guy telling me
he ticked almost all my boxes.
So I looked at his profile and then responded, asking why I would stoop
to second hand goods. He wasn't happy (diddums). So I then asked why he
ignored the most important requirement: NOT in a relationship! Then
blocked him ."
well he did say 'nearly'.. just not the DIRTY CHEATIN BASTARD box.. I hate cheats! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been on this site for a while now and I've seen many posts about rude messages not being appreciated.
But I've found that my polite messages rarely get responses it could be me but I wanted to see if anyone else has had this as well
Due to lots of NASTY characters in the past, many find it easier not to reply to avoid getting nasty messages like many have got in the past.
Dont take it personally, they just have no interest ...move on.
If they ARE interested they will contact you.
Hey, WE get ignored all the time with the messages we send too! So it's not just a single guy thing.
Yea totally agree but a no thanks
Button would make it easier x
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I am in the same boat as you mate.be nice and no one replies which is very rude on there part.
But I bet if you was to be rude to them they sure would have something to say and reply double double double times that by a billion quick to you "
think most would just ignore, block and move |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry but some just comes across like junk mail you get in the post. Do you you ring them all and say no thanks.
time and time again this comes up
People say it takes 2 seconds, maybe it does, as someone said it can get you down just answer no thanks to many messages when actually you're here for fun. The're too many come back with other messages saying, why or being rude because they can't take the rejection
many reasons people don't answer
you may not considering pestering, but not everyone is the same and would accept a no thanks.
Block and delete is to a good way, saves someone wasting there time and say's no thanks in one go. |
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"Very ture but if you are on here and you know yr going to get lots of mail then you make the time to reply or get off the site until yr life lets you have the time. "
Not this rubbish again!
Should I leave the site every time I have a busy week at work and full evenings?
What if I want to plan a meet for Saturday night when I am free, but don't have time during the week to reply to every single reply to my meet request? I'm only going to reply to those I'm interested in.
Nowhere on this site when you sign up does it say 'you must be prepared to dedicate xx hours every day to replying to every message you get'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you have a pic of a woman breathing fire on your profile?
thats me not a woman ive recently cut my hair but if you compare the photos you can see my tattoos match"
Pmsl had to see this. Yes at first glance it's a woman  BUT on closer inspection one of those boobies we thought we could see is actually his right shoulder.
The case is now solved and the OP is innocent  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I realy dont see why people have to have no thanks sent in the form of a mail. A delete is the same thing it means your not interested, just move on.
Do you reply to all junk mail through your letter box telling companies you dont want their products..No, its the same on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very ture but if you are on here and you know yr going to get lots of mail then you make the time to reply or get off the site until yr life lets you have the time.
This whole thing with people not replying goes on and on.
Really if you get a message that is not rude then reply.
Manners go a long way and if they can't reply to a email well that's.
I will let you work out what goes after the well that's "
Unfortunately you are assuming that everybody is able to handle rejection. This is not the case on here. Even a polite 'no thanks' can generate a torrent of abuse. My time is precious. Won't waste it; so the site advice of 'no reply means no thanks' is a sensible approach that I use as, well as blocking single guys to avoid clogging up my in box, which stops me replying to the people I want to |
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"i think its just polite to reply to anyone who had taken the time to read my profile and write me a message, some members just dont reply, maybe this as someone said above because they "get so many messages",
i personally think its rude. manners are free and it only takes a couple of seconds to say a polite no thanks.
each to there own though! "
I can't quite see why the phrase "get so many messages" is in inverted commas as if it might not be true, but having been on the site for a while I totally understand why some couples and women do not reply to all their messages.
Some DO get far too many messages, and a polite rejection as often as not elicits an abusive reply which further discourages response.
It's not any consolation to them to say "Well I am always polite" Not everybody is and it is those who aren't who queer the pitch for others. |
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By *eepsouthCouple
over a year ago
Bournemouth |
"I reply to all of my messages politely but some times get a rude reply when I say thanx but not not the type I look for in a swing date ...so u can't win "
Yes same here reply to all messages in a very simple way, some take it and thank us but others send a rude message back and then block us, got to laugh, what's the point in that?  |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
It only takes a few seconds to reply blah blah blah.
Anyone sending me a message decided to use their time to send it. That doesn't give them a right to dictate how I use my time. They are my few seconds and I'll use them how I see fit.
I owe strangers on this site nothing, just as they owe me nothing. Their decision to write or not, my decision to reply or not.
Besides, significantly more than half of the messages I receive are from men who clearly and absolutely do not match what I am looking for and/or are rude and crass. I think it's rude to waste my time with those.
Again, it only takes seconds to check the profile, read and delete but they are, again, my seconds.
Saying no is still a no. I don't understand how it feels any better. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
Besides, 9 times out of 10 a no thanks message results in another message. Some are rude, some want to know why, some take the reply as me just playing hard to get, some try to persuade me and some try to start a conversation off the back of it in the hope I'll change my mind.
No reply rarely results in a follow up message or an attempt at conversation. Condemn me for choosing the option which brings me less hassle if you like, I don't care. I'll do what's right for me, not anyone else. I'm not a charity. |
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Politeness costs nothing ... and I'm used to (and accept) no replies. However, to receive abusive replies, I find unacceptable, specially from those who seem to be unable to write comprehensible English, with proper grammar and spelling. txt spk ... ARGHH!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Besides, 9 times out of 10 a no thanks message results in another message. Some are rude, some want to know why, some take the reply as me just playing hard to get, some try to persuade me and some try to start a conversation off the back of it in the hope I'll change my mind.
No reply rarely results in a follow up message or an attempt at conversation. Condemn me for choosing the option which brings me less hassle if you like, I don't care. I'll do what's right for me, not anyone else. I'm not a charity. "
Well said |
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"Besides, 9 times out of 10 a no thanks message results in another message. Some are rude, some want to know why, some take the reply as me just playing hard to get, some try to persuade me and some try to start a conversation off the back of it in the hope I'll change my mind.
No reply rarely results in a follow up message or an attempt at conversation. Condemn me for choosing the option which brings me less hassle if you like, I don't care. I'll do what's right for me, not anyone else. I'm not a charity. "
I totally agree with this and it only takes a couple of such rude replies or other comeback ploys to set the understandably defensive code of not replying amongst those that started out on Fab replying to messages but then who rapidly got pestered and irritated by the tactics described above.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Besides, 9 times out of 10 a no thanks message results in another message. Some are rude, some want to know why, some take the reply as me just playing hard to get, some try to persuade me and some try to start a conversation off the back of it in the hope I'll change my mind.
No reply rarely results in a follow up message or an attempt at conversation. Condemn me for choosing the option which brings me less hassle if you like, I don't care. I'll do what's right for me, not anyone else. I'm not a charity. "
I agree . I take a no reply as " Sorry not interested " Simples |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a rule if I send a mail and it is deleted without being read, I block whoever I've sent it to, as if they can't be bothered to read what I've taken my time to write, why bother with them?
Next, please."
You can't actually tell if someone has read a message before deleting it or not. Just because it says deleted doesn't mean it wasn't read 1st. I just tested it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a rule if I send a mail and it is deleted without being read, I block whoever I've sent it to, as if they can't be bothered to read what I've taken my time to write, why bother with them?
Next, please."
This..............
And it stops me messaging them again at some point in the future and wasting both our times again LOL |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"As a rule if I send a mail and it is deleted without being read, I block whoever I've sent it to, as if they can't be bothered to read what I've taken my time to write, why bother with them?
Next, please.
This..............
And it stops me messaging them again at some point in the future and wasting both our times again LOL"
Fair enough, though a different message might get a different response.
Sometimes it's not the sender that is the problem but the message they sent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the person/persons message suggests meeting when they are way out of our age range preferences and who obviously haven't fully read, or worse just ignored the content of our profile then we don't feel a reply is warrented."
this x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try to reply but sometimes if the message is just a "hi" "wanna fuck"
i delete
this site is for my fun not the others! i run my profile how i deem it to be run |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It only takes a few seconds to reply blah blah blah.
Anyone sending me a message decided to use their time to send it. That doesn't give them a right to dictate how I use my time. They are my few seconds and I'll use them how I see fit.
I owe strangers on this site nothing, just as they owe me nothing. Their decision to write or not, my decision to reply or not.
Besides, significantly more than half of the messages I receive are from men who clearly and absolutely do not match what I am looking for and/or are rude and crass. I think it's rude to waste my time with those.
Again, it only takes seconds to check the profile, read and delete but they are, again, my seconds.
Saying no is still a no. I don't understand how it feels any better."
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