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Lonely and confused

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Hi peeps, I could really do with some help and advice.

My ex girlfriend and i are still very good friends and the truth is that i love her with all my being.

We entered in to our relationship accepting that none of us believed in monogamy but that we should always be honest and open with one another and considerate of each others feelings. I must admit that i was far from the perfect boyfriend as i was always stressed out by one thing or another. I got angry quite often and would mentally abuse her some would say. Shouting at her, calling her names. Things i truly regret and feel ashamed about.

We decided we would give swinging a go a couple of years back and that in doing so we would be able to share in one anothers experiences. But that didn't work out too well as we found it hard to find couples that suited us both. We decided we would then play alone but would video any of these meets so that we could share the excitement together afterwards. My girlfriend then decided that she no longer wanted to video her meets thinking that her meets would play differently off camera and that she was now bored with threesomes which in turn left me out completely. As i said i genuinely do love her and wanted her to be happy so i agreed to go along with things. Unfortunately i let this eat me up inside and told her that i couldn't go along with things the way they where any longer..Since falling out about six weeks ago we have spoken and she tells me that she still loves me the same as she did at the beginning of our relationship and that she would still love to have me in her life.. But she's now dating another bloke who she wishes to continue seeing and that if i want to be part of her life then i have to accept that she has another friend who she will continue to date no matter what and that i have absolutely no say in her sexual or personal life.. I love this women utterly and completely but feel that she is asking too much of me.

I know i don't own her and have never wanted to and i know that neither of us belive in conforming but is this too much to ask or am i being unreasonable by wanting her to be exclusively my girlfriend...That she doesn't go on conventional dates with other men forming new ties and feelins.. We would still swing no doubt if we did get back together so its not like im asking her to give up the enjoyment of sexual expression we can all find in swinging..

Please help, im going out of my mind...Thank you..Bilbo.

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By *ruitWoman over a year ago

near kings lynn

Bilbo it sounds like you want different things frim in the beginning.

You want a regular girlfriend but she wants something different.

You know how you feel.

I suggest you have an honest chat but realistically if you want different things it won't work. Try to discuss it with her and try to make a decision together. That may be staying apart though xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think first you need to sort your anger issues out then go from there x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ask Gandalf he might have the answer.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks guys.

She's a beautiful wee person and she is still willing to let me be part of her life..

As said above... I do need to work on my anger issues and that's something i will tackle instantly.

We have spoken at great length and as i said, she is happy for me to share in her life in an intimate and loving way. She is not saying she will change how she feels in time, but that she still loves me and that things could change..

I know that she genuinely does love me. My worries at the moment are that she has been very manic for some time now and the doctor things she may be bi polar..She cant slow her thoughts down and she really hasn't been herself for sometime.. I don't want things to end. I want to be there for her and not just in case she has a change of heart but in case down the line we both regret making the wrong choice.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

Coming from someone who's been on the receiving end of an abusive partner with anger problems I would suggest that you worry less about your relationship and get help straight away with your problems before you even attempt to suggest making a go of it with her.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman over a year ago

Kent

"Thanks guys.

She's a beautiful wee person and she is still willing to let me be part of her life..

As said above... I do need to work on my anger issues and that's something i will tackle instantly.

And she sounds like she needs to tackle her own problems too. If she is bi polar and you have anger problems and neither of you are getting the help you need it will be a disaster!!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

This is a complicated situation about which you have revealed slightly more in your second post. I really don't think anyone here is in a position to advise you beyond saying respect her wishes and be there for her, sort yourself out and allow her to do the same.

I know none of us know her but you are revealing things about her that she might not want strangers to know.

Best wishes to you both

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does the other gentleman know about this?

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By *lackCherryCouple over a year ago

Bristol

Just sever, neither of you are any good for the other and if shes bi-polar neither of you will ever get better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My ex is the most honest person I have ever met and yes she has told the other fellow about me and that we're willing to try work things out so long as I can prove I can change the way I deal with my anger and he's fine with that.

Being there for her is foremost in my mind and always will be. Even if we don't get back together.

As for just severing any contact with her.... I don't think that's the answer. We were/are so connected in so many ways its unimaginable at times. Im not seeking commiserations, I'm well aware that I am the cause of our break up. I know that if I had treated her the way any decent person deserved to be treated then its unlikely i would be in this situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suggest that you stay as good friends, you can still be in her life and if anything physical happens between you both then that is your business & no one elses.

But if she has another that she sees, then why not get a n other to share good times with.

Who knows what the future will hold for the 2 of you. xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with a lot of what has been said in this post already, but you have to ask yourself the question as to why in the first instance that she feels that by being with this other fella is what she wants. Maybe it is because of your behaviour that has led her to do that, possibly I don't know and am not in a position to say either way only you know the answer to that. It may be the case that too much water has gone under the bridge for her to consider trying again. I do think that perhaps by your own admission you need to address your anger issue. Why not give her some space and see how the land lies in which time you can address the above. If it is not meant to be it is not meant to be and no matter how you feel you won't change that. As hard as it might be to accept that you will have to. There may be that strong feeling of wanting her to change her ways or her mind but only she can do that in her own time and if she chooses not too you will have to accept that and wish her the best for her future. I would suggest that the most important thing for you is to take time out get your head straight step up to the plate and sort your issues out. Only then can you take a look at why it went wrong in the first place. Sadly I think asking for advice in the forums may not be the best solution to your problems, but your solution lies within yourself because you have recognised your faults and as you say changing how you deal with things. I wish you luck and honestly hope that you do indeed manage to sort your head out.

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