FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Legal Advice Please???
Legal Advice Please???
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi can anyone offer us any legal advice, my boyfriends ex has found out that we're swingers, she says we disgust her and has now refused to let us see his children, where do we stand legally is she allowed to do this? Also I'd like to be totally honest his 14 yr old daughter found out about what we do she typed facebook into our laptop search engine and fabswingers showed on the drop down menu. His daughter has been caught been promiscuous and now the ex is blaming her behaviour on us although this behaved had been exhibited before we started swinging. We've only ever swung at clubs and have been discreet. Advice please? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi can anyone offer us any legal advice, my boyfriends ex has found out that we're swingers, she says we disgust her and has now refused to let us see his children, where do we stand legally is she allowed to do this? Also I'd like to be totally honest his 14 yr old daughter found out about what we do she typed facebook into our laptop search engine and fabswingers showed on the drop down menu. His daughter has been caught been promiscuous and now the ex is blaming her behaviour on us although this behaved had been exhibited before we started swinging. We've only ever swung at clubs and have been discreet. Advice please?"
This is not the place for advice ring a solicitor. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got outed by a friend who also reported me to social services.. I was told by them that what I do with my private life is up to me as long as it doesnt involve my children..
So get to a solicitor because she can't stop you having access on that ground. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She can't stop him from seeing his children and does she have a residency order? If she doesn't he can just take his daughter whenever until one is in place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged."
I aint judging far from it but you can only gwt opinions here and suppose you take some of it onboard and turns out to be legally flawed then what.
Do not mess here seek legal advice. |
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged.
I aint judging far from it but you can only gwt opinions here and suppose you take some of it onboard and turns out to be legally flawed then what.
Do not mess here seek legal advice."
this is true, you asked for legal advice and as far as I know that isn't offered by this site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged.
I aint judging far from it but you can only gwt opinions here and suppose you take some of it onboard and turns out to be legally flawed then what.
Do not mess here seek legal advice.
this is true, you asked for legal advice and as far as I know that isn't offered by this site. "
Some peoples professions maybe a solicitor. Others on here maybe have the same or similar issue. No harm in asking for peace of mind  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged.
I aint judging far from it but you can only gwt opinions here and suppose you take some of it onboard and turns out to be legally flawed then what.
Do not mess here seek legal advice.
this is true, you asked for legal advice and as far as I know that isn't offered by this site.
Some peoples professions maybe a solicitor. Others on here maybe have the same or similar issue. No harm in asking for peace of mind "
Danger with this is all it needs is some idiot saying they are solicitor without o p or anyone knowing if true so for me its quite simple see a real life one not a keyboard one |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all of the replies, very helpful - apologies I should have titled my thread children & ex's opinions please and not legal advice.
No there is no residency order in place. I guess what I came on here for was to see if anyone had been in a similar situation. I don't feel what we do is disgusting or wrong but to say that the children aren't safe with us is riduclous - she makes us sound like a pair of leching perverts and as I've said before we have done our upmost to keep our swinging private. The ex has a history of using the children as pawns before she found out we were swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Spice this is true there may be solicitors on here, I would only take any advice on here 'generally' and not at face value I'm just gauging ideas of what peoples options are. Like I've said before it is an advice forum,
I'm not a sex therapist nor a psychologist so therefor does that make me unqualified to comment on sexual issues and or make my comments unvalid on this forum? If so why are we all on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all of the replies, very helpful - apologies I should have titled my thread children & ex's opinions please and not legal advice.
No there is no residency order in place. I guess what I came on here for was to see if anyone had been in a similar situation. I don't feel what we do is disgusting or wrong but to say that the children aren't safe with us is riduclous - she makes us sound like a pair of leching perverts and as I've said before we have done our upmost to keep our swinging private. The ex has a history of using the children as pawns before she found out we were swingers."
The residency who ever has it means that's where the children reside. He could take his children to his and he could do the same to her and she can't do anything unless she gets a residency order. Best way would to get a conciliation arranged and have arranged days. She has no grounds and no harm to children has been caused by your events. My ex has a partner who's been had up for molesting 5 women and has done time, yet he can be arowned children. Makes me sick!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We had set days but now she says we can't see them at all, I think we'll book in with a solicitor to see what they say, the children do live with her but not sure if she has a residency order, would you think a residency order is only granted to the parent they live with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We had set days but now she says we can't see them at all, I think we'll book in with a solicitor to see what they say, the children do live with her but not sure if she has a residency order, would you think a residency order is only granted to the parent they live with?"
If she's a good mum then it usually goes with them. Until she has one then the children do not have a legal place to be returned to. He could play dirty until she has one and then get days sorted legally. If she doesn't abide by the days allocated then she'll be in breach and action would be taken. Hope thus helps a little just to paint a clearer picture. |
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"I got outed by a friend who also reported me to social services.. I was told by them that what I do with my private life is up to me as long as it doesnt involve my children..
So get to a solicitor because she can't stop you having access on that ground. "
Totally agree with Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You've been very helpful, I've been on the governments website reading up about residency orders and court and a fathers rights forum etc thanks "
Your name kind of suggests what you do , you feel is wrong, that's the first thing I would change, his x is looking for whatever excuse and ammunition she can find, until things settle down or are sorted, a sex site on the internet isn't a good place to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks Spice this is true there may be solicitors on here, I would only take any advice on here 'generally' and not at face value I'm just gauging ideas of what peoples options are. Like I've said before it is an advice forum,
I'm not a sex therapist nor a psychologist so therefor does that make me unqualified to comment on sexual issues and or make my comments unvalid on this forum? If so why are we all on here?"
Always get the 'I know what's best' remarks |
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If the set days were the result if a previous court order, they cannot be revoked unilaterally by her. Swinging may be frowned on by some but it remains legal, as long as it's done in private and money doesn't change hands. As with any sexual activity, children must be protected from it. In the past leaving porn videos in the living room might have caused you trouble with social services and I guess the modern equivalent would be having pictures on a PC etc that kids can access. In your case it would certainly be advisable to browse incognito or pvte. You really need to see a solicitor however for proper legal advice as to where things stand now in your own specific circumstsnces. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Manrider this would be why our profile is now set to private - the ex causing trouble was our first concern so we took these steps. It winds me up so much because she is a serial cheat and yet that isn't frowned upon and several partners that the children have seen coming and going over the years can't be healthy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Manrider this would be why our profile is now set to private - the ex causing trouble was our first concern so we took these steps. It winds me up so much because she is a serial cheat and yet that isn't frowned upon and several partners that the children have seen coming and going over the years can't be healthy "
Can still see your public pics, even though your profile itself is private |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"Manrider this would be why our profile is now set to private - the ex causing trouble was our first concern so we took these steps. It winds me up so much because she is a serial cheat and yet that isn't frowned upon and several partners that the children have seen coming and going over the years can't be healthy "
Your profile may be hidden but that doesn't stop anyone reading your posts in the forums. Given the amount of details youve put in your posts it wouldnt take a genius to work out who you are talking about.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Manrider this would be why our profile is now set to private - the ex causing trouble was our first concern so we took these steps. It winds me up so much because she is a serial cheat and yet that isn't frowned upon and several partners that the children have seen coming and going over the years can't be healthy "
When an x is involved and children, it often gets messy, jealousy, point scoring, the bottom line is, don't argue, or try scoring points, no one is free from fault or perfect.
The way forward has to be compromise and respect, by thinking and saying she is a serial cheat, and saying it cant be healthy for the children, it shows you have issues, She is not your problem, in fact she has nothing to do with you. When the light comes on, and you realise this, all of a sudden she wont have an issue or try fighting. Your input and backing your fella up, is whats making things a problem.
Just my thoughts, after reading your posts, and 35 yrs of dealing with similar issues on a daily basis. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Who am I talking about Jezebel, name area etc? I haven't mentioned names, ages areas etc all of which of are fake to protect us and our username was changed straight after the daughter found us.
The only reason I'm involved is because I'm close to the daughters and it hurts me too not seeing them as after years have bonded with them - I'm only human fater all
Thanks didn't realise photos were private will change them now thanks |
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"Thanks for all of the replies, very helpful - apologies I should have titled my thread children & ex's opinions please and not legal advice.
No there is no residency order in place. I guess what I came on here for was to see if anyone had been in a similar situation. I don't feel what we do is disgusting or wrong but to say that the children aren't safe with us is riduclous - she makes us sound like a pair of leching perverts and as I've said before we have done our upmost to keep our swinging private. The ex has a history of using the children as pawns before she found out we were swingers."
Ok kegal fact on children snd residency is children from 12 can make a choice if they so choose who they live with. I told my 13 year old this and she still lives with me.
I guess baring this in mind she can then choose how much time she stays at each parents. But that I am not so sure on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ps Manrider you have some good points there for me to take on board thanks"
I am lucky, never been in this position, good luck and I hope everything works out for all of you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all of the replies, very helpful - apologies I should have titled my thread children & ex's opinions please and not legal advice.
No there is no residency order in place. I guess what I came on here for was to see if anyone had been in a similar situation. I don't feel what we do is disgusting or wrong but to say that the children aren't safe with us is riduclous - she makes us sound like a pair of leching perverts and as I've said before we have done our upmost to keep our swinging private. The ex has a history of using the children as pawns before she found out we were swingers.
Ok kegal fact on children snd residency is children from 12 can make a choice if they so choose who they live with. I told my 13 year old this and she still lives with me.
I guess baring this in mind she can then choose how much time she stays at each parents. But that I am not so sure on"
V is in a similar position (age of kids, not being outed, and yes, you cannot force a child over a certain age to go see their other parent, its a choice.
they now choose when to go see their dad, or stay at home if they have made plans.
unfortunately, if the daughters are choosing to stay away, then there isnt much you can do.
if your visitation is court approved then there may be recourse IF the child still wants to come, but you are probably better to have a meet with a proper solicitor.
this will probably lead to you being a little more careful with your electronic devices from now forward though lol |
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If swinging makes you a bad parent the Police and Social Services had better get a Court Order for access to the database of this website, all the other swinging websites and venues!
Does / did the OP's ex cheat? Is that not more morally unacceptable than a couple in a stable, loving relationship who happen to do something privately? |
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You are doing nothing illegal and nothing to be ashamed of. Ask a lawyer to write a letter asking for evidence of how your swinging affects the kids. How many male 'friends' does your ex have round! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You've been very helpful, I've been on the governments website reading up about residency orders and court and a fathers rights forum etc thanks
Your name kind of suggests what you do , you feel is wrong, that's the first thing I would change, his x is looking for whatever excuse and ammunition she can find, until things settle down or are sorted, a sex site on the internet isn't a good place to be."
And I can't help fear that a good solicitor will have a field day with the fact that you access this site with out even the most basic of precautions to stop a vulnerable (and im basing that description on how a solicitor will perceive her) child finding the site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are doing nothing illegal and nothing to be ashamed of. Ask a lawyer to write a letter asking for evidence of how your swinging affects the kids. How many male 'friends' does your ex have round! "
How exactly does casting aspersions on how the ex leads their life prove that swinging is nothing to be ashamed of? |
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"Hi can anyone offer us any legal advice, my boyfriends ex has found out that we're swingers, she says we disgust her and has now refused to let us see his children, where do we stand legally is she allowed to do this? Also I'd like to be totally honest his 14 yr old daughter found out about what we do she typed facebook into our laptop search engine and fabswingers showed on the drop down menu. His daughter has been caught been promiscuous and now the ex is blaming her behaviour on us although this behaved had been exhibited before we started swinging. We've only ever swung at clubs and have been discreet. Advice please?"
How does fabswingers appearing in a drop down menu prove that you two have been swinging? I think a legally qualified person would ask that question first, second question I would ask is if you are doing your utmost to be discreet why arent you using private browsing or at least clearing history. |
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Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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mmm tricky this, as an ex boyfriend he has little legal rights, however being swingers should not stop him seeing his children. To be honest you would be better getting legal advice from a solicitor you can have a free 30 minutes on a first visit. It's a shame that some people see swinging as something bad. Some people are so narrow minded. Some people like to swing and meet like minded adults. Others prefer to get blasted and shag anything that's around and then blame the drink. Good luck anyway |
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"mmm tricky this, as an ex boyfriend he has little legal rights, however being swingers should not stop him seeing his children. To be honest you would be better getting legal advice from a solicitor you can have a free 30 minutes on a first visit. It's a shame that some people see swinging as something bad. Some people are so narrow minded. Some people like to swing and meet like minded adults. Others prefer to get blasted and shag anything that's around and then blame the drink. Good luck anyway"
No offence but he has NO rights. He may have legal responsibilities. Trust me I've been through that mill. If you trust a solicitor good luck but it won't be cheap. Seriously go to the father's 4 justice website and buy to handbook. £20. |
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck"
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted."
Possibly uou don't want to say in here but how did he get custody of you over your mum? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted.
Possibly uou don't want to say in here but how did he get custody of you over your mum?"
it is, and always has been, the courts will to do what is best for the children.
obviously in this case it was to place them with the father.
in most its with the mother, but not all. |
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted."
Wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be grantyed.
Possibly uou don't want to say in here but how did he get custody of you over your mum?
it is, and always has been, the courts will to do what is best for the children.
obviously in this case it was to place them with the father.
in most its with the mother, but not all."
That's what I'm saying but didn't want to sound harsh. The mother can live in a tent and the father still can't take custody if she's a good mum. I've just been through it. I don't believe she is fit because of her choice in partner ( sex offender of 5 different women in Bristol. Found guilty) because she's done nothing to the children then Tata ok.
It's fucked up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"swinging is not illegal. my Mates ex Kicked off. police Laughed at him. hope that helps
its not illegal but is frowned on esp by social services "
very true.
you cant be swinging and being there for your kids according to some.
swinging is about self gratification, and its addictive for some people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted.
Wrong. "
A father doesn't really have any rights. Legal responsibility comes down to when the children were born and wether he is named on the birth certificate. There was a change in this in December 2003 were a father can still have parental responsibility even if they are not on the birth certificate. But if they were born before dec 2003 and he can prove that he has made important decisions in the upbringing of the child like what schools they go to then he will have parental responsibility.
It is very confusing with all the variables so go get legal advice or talk to your local families info centre as they can also give some advice on matters like this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The pc is now incognito but it's a case of bolting the door after the horse has escaped.
We're in a stable relationship where as his ex has been with & cheated on several, not sure if that has any baring, dont want there to be any mudslinging but given her past record I'm sure there will be. Just want the kids back in time for xmas
There's a lot of useful advice thanks guys, just hope we can afford the legal costs that ensue.
Tripodius thanks for the fantastic advice what a guy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The pc is now incognito but it's a case of bolting the door after the horse has escaped.
We're in a stable relationship where as his ex has been with & cheated on several, not sure if that has any baring, dont want there to be any mudslinging but given her past record I'm sure there will be. Just want the kids back in time for xmas
There's a lot of useful advice thanks guys, just hope we can afford the legal costs that ensue.
Tripodius thanks for the fantastic advice what a guy! "
My wisdom knows no bounds |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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find your local solicitor and find out when they have their free advice clinic - most firms that deal in family law will offer a free drop in clinic maybe once a week |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Father's do have rights & a good solicitor in the Family court can get an access order through the courts, then if she refuses, she is in breach of a court order. Besides which at the age of 14 hs daughter is old enough to make her own decision if she wants to see her dad or not. xx |
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted.
Possibly uou don't want to say in here but how did he get custody of you over your mum?"
There are four of us me and my older brother with our dad and my younger brother and sister with my our mum.
No idea how they made that choice as I never
really wanted to live with my dad. I still find it a strange cchoice to separate us. But hey on the plus I got a large room to myself instead of a small room I shared with my sister  |
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"Firstly as a dad he has no legal rights of access what so ever. If there was a court order with visitation rights and rules in it he can try and get his access enforced. However uk family courts don't or at best very rarely enforce orders. It's a horrible situation.Good luck
This is not true fathers do have legal rights and my dad got full custody of me and my older brother and this was many years ago when fathers rights were starting to be recognised in a court of law.
Unless he is a bad father which must be proved or been in trouble with police access will always be granted.
Wrong. "
I'm not wrong I have been through it as a child and with my children.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got custody (residencey) of my daughter when she was 16 months old. My next relationship blessed me with a second daughter and when that relationship ended I fought through the courts and got custody of my, then 4 yr old, second child too.
I did this whilst serving my country in the armed forces. My ex's were both full time mums.
I then left my job and went self employed to give me freedom of time to be there for my girls.
My point is this; every case is unique. Get legal advice and ignore ALL advice from this forum.
Above all; just do what is right for your children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I got outed by a friend who also reported me to social services.. I was told by them that what I do with my private life is up to me as long as it doesnt involve my children..
So get to a solicitor because she can't stop you having access on that ground.
Totally agree with Cali "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged.
I aint judging far from it but you can only gwt opinions here and suppose you take some of it onboard and turns out to be legally flawed then what.
Do not mess here seek legal advice.
this is true, you asked for legal advice and as far as I know that isn't offered by this site.
Some peoples professions maybe a solicitor. Others on here maybe have the same or similar issue. No harm in asking for peace of mind "
Even if they are solicitors or barristers, they will not admit it because they could be disciplined for embarrassing the profession under their codes of practice, and this web site is not private - so that defence is dead in the water. Also there might be issues with their imdemnity insurance. The OP needs to seek independent legal advice. You will not be judged. Ultimately, who the daughter can and cannot see is up to a judge. Hopefully, this will not get that far. |
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"We're only looking for general advice before going down that route and tbf it is an advice forum and the only place we can talk to 'like minded' people without being judged.
I aint judging far from it but you can only gwt opinions here and suppose you take some of it onboard and turns out to be legally flawed then what.
Do not mess here seek legal advice.
this is true, you asked for legal advice and as far as I know that isn't offered by this site.
Some peoples professions maybe a solicitor. Others on here maybe have the same or similar issue. No harm in asking for peace of mind
Even if they are solicitors or barristers, they will not admit it because they could be disciplined for embarrassing the profession under their codes of practice, and this web site is not private - so that defence is dead in the water. Also there might be issues with their imdemnity insurance. The OP needs to seek independent legal advice. You will not be judged. Ultimately, who the daughter can and cannot see is up to a judge. Hopefully, this will not get that far. "
I agree with the above, also no solicitor or barrister would give advice based on what has been said here. |
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