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Sharing my wife
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By * and L OP Couple
over a year ago
deeside |
Hi, i hope you can all help me out!
Myself and my wife have been Swinging on and off for 6 years. Probably had about 10 meets. In all that time we have never had an issue and always enjoyed ourselves.
I have had a fantasy for a long time of seeing my wife with another man (all we have done is couples before) and then join in and have DP. The last couple of weeks, it was all i could think about. I dream about it, fantasise about it and it had flooded my mind, getting more and more intense. Yesterday, we decided to do it. We got a guy to come round to ours and they got it on while i sat down and watched.
What i don't understand is that i felt nothing. For 40 minutes i watched him have sex with my wife and not once did i have a desire to get involved. Nor did i want to stop them! It didn't even excite me. I was happy that she was enjoying herself, but it just didn't turn me on. I didn't even get as much as a semi! I was happy for her to do it, i didn't want to stop it, but it just didn't do anything for me.
Now, my mind is all over the place because i can't understand why! Why did i feel nothing. The thought of her with another man is enough to make me hard, but seeing it left me with a feeling of confusion. My wife was a bit upset because she only did it to fulfill my fantasy (even though she did have fun). She feels guilty as her only desire was to fulfill my fantasy and to have me join in. I didn't say anything until he had gone.
Please can anybody shed some light on this and help me understand why?! It is driving me crazy!!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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think this is the perfect situation where a fantasy should have stayed just exactly that.
insisting she go through with it has led to you both being hurt.
like i always say, things cant be undone.
hope you both can put it behind you and go back to how you were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happens sometimes. Don't let it get you too worked up.
Sometimes the idea is very different to the reality. Unfortunately sometimes you have to sometimes find out the hard way that it was better as a fantasy. At least you tried it - most people never get the chance to do that!
Stick it back in the Fantasy Box, don't worry about it and move on to the next thing 
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"think this is the perfect situation where a fantasy should have stayed just exactly that.
insisting she go through with it has led to you both being hurt.
like i always say, things cant be undone.
hope you both can put it behind you and go back to how you were."
but if you dont know the fantasy is not going to be as good as you hoped, how do you find out if you do not try it?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"but if you dont know the fantasy is not going to be as good as you hoped, how do you find out if you do not try it??"
You don't! But it is a risk you take. You can only put it down to experience. I am certain most people who do this have been in a situation that has not worked out exactly as they hoped for. It really is just a case of "sometimes it happens"
Talk and Reassure each other, agree it is on the don't do list and let it be  |
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By * and L OP Couple
over a year ago
deeside |
Hi, she wasn't forced to do anything. We just decided, instead of having a couple, we would have an MMF 3some.
She had no fantasy or desire to get it on with another man without me. What she wanted was to have 2 men all over her. She went along with the watching bit first for me, assuming that i would get involved when i was ready.
I don't resent her at all. In fact, after he had gone, we had sex for 3 hours, it was great. I was even picturing what he had done to her earlier, and it was exciting me. I just don't get why it didn't excite me at the time! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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One quick question, have you had passionate sex with your wife since then?
If I guess the answer is yes then all is fine. If no, then you need to talk more and relight the flame between you. You obviously both love each other. Joe. |
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By *aptzogMan
over a year ago
Ledbury |
I think you were right to try it. You have played together with couples so it wasn't a huge leap. You were both happy to give it a go, so why not.
If it didn't live up to expectations, no big deal, no one should feel guilty or let it play on their mind.
Why didn't it work? who knows. Maybe there was some subconcious pressure. Loads of posts on here about guys not getting hard when they expected to.
Don't worry, move on and try something else. |
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By * and L OP Couple
over a year ago
deeside |
Yes we did, about an hour after he left. It was fantastic, just like it always is. We have great regular sex but have always found we get an extra bit of fire after a meet. Don't know why but the sex is out of this world after meet.
We are fine i just hate that i don't have any feelings about it. It didn't excite me physically or mentally and i was actually dreading them asking me to get involved. Within seconds of it starting, i knew that it wasn't going to turn me on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are fine i just hate that i don't have any feelings about it. It didn't excite me physically or mentally and i was actually dreading them asking me to get involved. Within seconds of it starting, i knew that it wasn't going to turn me on!"
Just look at it as a bonus that you don't have any feelings about it. At least it didn't upset you or make you feel jealous etc etc. And things are fine between the two of you. So just forget about it before it really does start eating away at you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you were right to try it. You have played together with couples so it wasn't a huge leap. You were both happy to give it a go, so why not.
If it didn't live up to expectations, no big deal, no one should feel guilty or let it play on their mind.
Why didn't it work? who knows. Maybe there was some subconcious pressure. Loads of posts on here about guys not getting hard when they expected to.
Don't worry, move on and try something else."
Sound advice! the same thing has happened to us on several occassions where the male half of us has watched me the female with other men and its done nothing whatsoever for him on other occassions its left him like a rampant bull lol... it happens! don't beat yourself up over it and yes its probably easier said than done, we know! |
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By * and L OP Couple
over a year ago
deeside |
"I think you were right to try it. You have played together with couples so it wasn't a huge leap. You were both happy to give it a go, so why not.
If it didn't live up to expectations, no big deal, no one should feel guilty or let it play on their mind.
Why didn't it work? who knows. Maybe there was some subconcious pressure. Loads of posts on here about guys not getting hard when they expected to.
Don't worry, move on and try something else.
Sound advice! the same thing has happened to us on several occassions where the male half of us has watched me the female with other men and its done nothing whatsoever for him on other occassions its left him like a rampant bull lol... it happens! don't beat yourself up over it and yes its probably easier said than done, we know!"
Thanks, it must be something in particular that is just not right. I'm just trying to figure out what that is! I'm finding it hard to let go because i feel so confused about the whole thing. As swingers, i have no issue with my wife being with other men, even the first time we tried it, it didn't bother me. I know that's why i didn't feel jealous or resentful. The overwhelming feeling i got, when i think about it, is that i felt uncomfortable, not with what they were doing, but with what, i'm not sure |
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Probably you picked the wrong guy, he was ok pleasuring your wife, but didn't have enough experience of couples to make it a wonderful experience for you as well......
I would always play with a couple AS A COUPLE..... and hope to be asked back again afterwards for "round two"!
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"Hi, she wasn't forced to do anything. We just decided, instead of having a couple, we would have an MMF 3some.
She had no fantasy or desire to get it on with another man without me. What she wanted was to have 2 men all over her. She went along with the watching bit first for me, assuming that i would get involved when i was ready.
I don't resent her at all. In fact, after he had gone, we had sex for 3 hours, it was great. I was even picturing what he had done to her earlier, and it was exciting me. I just don't get why it didn't excite me at the time!"
Stick it in your personal wank bank and just use the image when you need it.
Clearly it is still a fantasy the fact you managed to get it on after for so long.
I wouldn't suggest doing it again but keep theffantasy how you want it in your own mind
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"I think you were right to try it. You have played together with couples so it wasn't a huge leap. You were both happy to give it a go, so why not.
If it didn't live up to expectations, no big deal, no one should feel guilty or let it play on their mind.
Why didn't it work? who knows. Maybe there was some subconcious pressure. Loads of posts on here about guys not getting hard when they expected to.
Don't worry, move on and try something else.
Sound advice! the same thing has happened to us on several occassions where the male half of us has watched me the female with other men and its done nothing whatsoever for him on other occassions its left him like a rampant bull lol... it happens! don't beat yourself up over it and yes its probably easier said than done, we know!
Thanks, it must be something in particular that is just not right. I'm just trying to figure out what that is! I'm finding it hard to let go because i feel so confused about the whole thing. As swingers, i have no issue with my wife being with other men, even the first time we tried it, it didn't bother me. I know that's why i didn't feel jealous or resentful. The overwhelming feeling i got, when i think about it, is that i felt uncomfortable, not with what they were doing, but with what, i'm not sure"
My advice STOP THINKING ABOUT IT before it kills your sex life altogether. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"anybody know why i would fantasise about it but not actually enjoy seeing it?"
i fantasise about seeing V gang fucked.
she fantasises about watching me fucking another woman while she is tied and cant do anything but watch.
these wil both stay fantasies as neither i, nor she, has any actual interest in seeing each other having full sex with other people, and we both accept it is that way.
we had an MMF with V and 2 blokes.
whilst it was happening i didnt get hard, i enjoyed taking pics, taking a video.
we enjoyed seeing the aftermath, thinking about it and watching the video.
its usually the same when we meet generally.
its so much more sexy thinking about what we have just done than the actual doing.
you are completely normal, fella.
dont worry about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It could even possibly be the case that because it was the first time that you may in the back of your mind been worrying, the build up to it etc. The main thing is that you are both still happy together and a blip has not upset the apple cart. At the end of the day you still both love each other which is the main thing.
If you still fantasize about the same scenario and this in turn still arouses you, yet in reality it doesn't, then to me would suggest that to actually go ahead and make it reality again may not be the best solution. Possibly as already stated maybe it was the wrong guy for you both. Did you have a social meet first with the guy and got to know each other, or was it just a meet and then go on to play?.
I don't think that a happy solution will be given to you as only you can know and say how you really feel inside. Either way wish you both all the luck in the world and am sure you will work out how you feel.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have met a few guys with the same intentions.... But alas no joy yet! Same as the op, did not feel like joining in. The sex after was amazing and do not regret it! I just think we have not met the right guy for our first mmf. It may be that we're just picky, but what we really want is a situation where the three of us " just click " I'm sure it will happen, just taking it easy and having fun along the way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some times fantasies are just fantasies. There are somethings I love to fantasise about but have tried them in real life and actually didn't enjoy them, but the fantasy still turns me on. |
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By *D40Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
For my innocence my suggestion is this, if it's still something you both want to try then in future when your wife is having sex with another guy find out beforehand if the guy has any problem with you helping him out if you get the urge. Then maybe have a signal that you can give you wife while your watching and if she wants you to join in she can give you the signal. Could i suggest a single middle finger if she doesn't like the idea
Good news your still madly insatiably mad about the mrs.
I always find sex post meeting is awesome
Julie x |
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We think it could be because you didnt join in....not sure why you didnt though.
While we both love seeing each other with others we have had our best meets when we have been either in a heap together as a 4 sum or at least close enough to interact/stroke/kiss etc or as a 3 sum with us all interacting from the start. |
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Exactly the same thing has happened with me (male). At first when we've had multiple guys I always joined in, in time I've tended to sit back and watch, preferring to be the voyeur. I've not had any great desire to join in generally but enjoyed watching her be fucked. I've no cuck tendencies and like you the "reclaim" sex has been fantastic afterwards.
I honestly think a couples sex life is a journey, every one of us has a different sexual DNA and if you have a great understanding with your partner you can glide past the things that don't quite work. Who knows, you might want to try it again and be comfortable that the act itself doesn't make you want to join in but you'll enjoy it nonetheless.
Not every question needs an answer, you sound pretty cool with what happened and it can maybe be taken for what it was, another of life's experiences. |
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I had a similar problem some years ago we had threesomes previously and i watched and joined in.On this particular occasion i came first and sat down to watch, J then had a body shuddering orgasm,something i had never seen her do before with another guy.The jealousy that shot through my mind was increadible, it only lasted a few seconds and nothing was said or done at the time.I told J after the guy had left and we fucked like newly weds straight after,we saw the guy later and had some great times and i never had that jealous pang again.Sorry to have gone off track but the OP brought back those memories. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"think this is the perfect situation where a fantasy should have stayed just exactly that.
insisting she go through with it has led to you both being hurt.
like i always say, things cant be undone.
hope you both can put it behind you and go back to how you were."
..A shoe lace can be undone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"think this is the perfect situation where a fantasy should have stayed just exactly that.
insisting she go through with it has led to you both being hurt.
like i always say, things cant be undone.
hope you both can put it behind you and go back to how you were...A shoe lace can be undone "
thats fine, if they were removing shoes, not pants and inhibitions lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quite an interesting set of answers here isn't it. The best ones are probably don't get too worked up about it. Duff meets happen and if the person who came to see you sees this post he may feel a bit bad too, just as your wife obviously feels a bit deflated by it all.
I should go out and get a nice big bunch of flowers or some choccies or something to show her how much you love her and move on.
"Hi, i hope you can all help me out!
Myself and my wife have been Swinging on and off for 6 years. Probably had about 10 meets. In all that time we have never had an issue and always enjoyed ourselves.
I have had a fantasy for a long time of seeing my wife with another man (all we have done is couples before) and then join in and have DP. The last couple of weeks, it was all i could think about. I dream about it, fantasise about it and it had flooded my mind, getting more and more intense. Yesterday, we decided to do it. We got a guy to come round to ours and they got it on while i sat down and watched.
What i don't understand is that i felt nothing. For 40 minutes i watched him have sex with my wife and not once did i have a desire to get involved. Nor did i want to stop them! It didn't even excite me. I was happy that she was enjoying herself, but it just didn't turn me on. I didn't even get as much as a semi! I was happy for her to do it, i didn't want to stop it, but it just didn't do anything for me.
Now, my mind is all over the place because i can't understand why! Why did i feel nothing. The thought of her with another man is enough to make me hard, but seeing it left me with a feeling of confusion. My wife was a bit upset because she only did it to fulfill my fantasy (even though she did have fun). She feels guilty as her only desire was to fulfill my fantasy and to have me join in. I didn't say anything until he had gone.
Please can anybody shed some light on this and help me understand why?! It is driving me crazy!!!! "
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